Mealyann Nita Saing: Does having children young really mean you can’t be successful? | E01

Craige: Pleasant good day to everybody. I am a host, and you're listening to the High Achievers podcast Today we have very special guest here and she goes by the name of my Myelin, and it's a pretty awesome interview.

She's actually relatively young, and I say young in terms of what she's accomplished, not in age, and just a brief intro and she will get a chance to expand.

Myelin was a former Miss Cambodian American, and she has also been featured on PBS. NASA been a TEDx speaker and also was a Cambodian ballet performer.

She has owned several businesses, including a restaurant, a bubble tea shop, and has gone through quite a bit. You are going to learn about, and it is really telling because for her age and for what she has and also her family

it's really a pleasure to have her on today. So if that said Myelin, I'd like to welcome you to the High Achievers Podcast and tell our audience a little bit about you. I know I give you your intro, a little bit about you and really what they look forward to learning from you.

Myelin: Thank you so much. . let me see. Where should I start right now? I am 26 years old. And you were right, I started my career as Miss Cambodian American, and I got into real estate investing as my first, business and after I graduated from college. My bachelor's in Business Management and Supply Chain Management.

I was a double major. I moved across the country from California to Atlanta, Georgia, and my husband and I did open our bubble tea restaurant. From there, we had two kids. I got married. we opened two more businesses and it's just been a wild ride.

I think the biggest highlight is that I've been going through so many spiritual growth that helped me get through all of the crazy things that life threw at me.

Craige: Awesome. Incredible. And we going to delve right in. So tell me what, because not just the age, but the fact that you was Miss Cambodian American and the fact that now at two or four businesses you'll give us the detail.

And what has driven you so far? what really has been the driving factor to you being where you are right now with two kids and a career with your actual businesses? So give us a bit more about your story up to where you are today?

Myelin: Yeah, that's a great question. it actually started because I felt like I was born to be an entrepreneur.

I was born to try and become very successful. I was born very ambitious as a child. And, I did also feel the pressures of my family to be perfect really. it. It went from my family expecting a lot of things out of me, to me expecting a lot out of me.

And I just tried my best to become good at everything. And that's what really strived me to believe that I can accomplish whatever I put my mind to. That was the deciding factor. So if I said, I wanted to win a pageant one day, I went through probably four or five pageants where I did not I did not place.

I got second place, third place, and I wanted to give up because it was so embarrassing. I was like, I'm never gonna win. This is so tough. Like all these girls are amazing. Why is it not my turn? And then I finally did Miss Cambodia. Last time I was like, this is it. This is the last one I'm gonna do.

If I don't win, then you know, forget it. I'll do something else. And then I actually won that one. So that one was really crazy to me because it's like you think that you're going to. The moment that you wanna give up is the moment that you should go all in and you should try your hardest. And I've learned that a lot with the businesses that I ended up doing and even being a mom, the moment that you wanna give up and, it's just.

You just need to take a break and just reset your mind. And, from there you're able to grow and expand and, accomplish those things. You just need to take a break.

Craige: I want to touch on a couple things that you said. One of them was what really got you started as an entrepreneur.

It's not a bad thing, but some entrepreneurs, either grew up with a business to start out. Maybe they inherited the family business, whether there was a trust fund, whether they bootstrapped and they started from scratch. What was your situation? How did you get started with your first business?

Myelin: So I got started because my mom and dad were both hustlers.

They were both entrepreneurs. My dad, and his family owned a bunch of restaurants. So Cambodian restaurants, spa restaurants, Chinese takeout, like a whole bunch of different things. So we were into this restaurant business for a long time, and they also did real estate on the side. So I grew up collecting the rent from the houses and just learning a lot and watching my mom and dad do all those things.

And then, I realized I just couldn't work for anybody. I had to be the boss. I had to be the leader. I had to be in charge because it was easier for me to, get things done or to make a project happen when I'm able to, delegate and see which person should get this task. I tried, I worked at the, chancellor's office, the principal's office at the university as a, front desk.

That was probably the worst job I ever had. I hated it. It was really boring. It was, it was just not my personality. So I tried it. I tried that route and it just didn't suit me, so I was like 100% business.

Craige: Okay, awesome. So you are basically all in. I could totally relate. at my first job myself, I did it for a while, but I felt the itch even without having a complete plan to jump off.

I had my difficulties, but I can definitely relate to just not feeling comfortable in the 9-5 environment and feeling like you are more suited to create your own. Really to serve that way and actually be more entrepreneurial.

So let's delve into the fact that you said you have two kids, like 26. And many 26 year olds who have two children typically they are not as successful.

Typically children are same activity that cause people to step back, slow down, right? Do less try to accomplish. So generally, tell me how you navigated that phase.

I remember you said that you went through a phase, that you lost everything and you had to move across the country and things were bad for a while.

So tell me about that part and how it really affected you and how you passed through.

Myelin: Yeah, having kids really stopped a lot of things. It is good and bad. let's just start with having kids early cuz a lot of people my age don't have kids at 20. I had kids at 22. People at 22 still go out and party and still try to find themselves.

And when I had kids it really made me grow up faster. It made me take on more responsibility. It made me,just grow up more. And,it affected my life a lot because I was not ready to have kids. I really wasn't.

I wasn't ready to grow up and watching my friends still, have free time and have a life that they can go, maybe one day they wanna go travel, they wanna go visit their family, they wanna go explore.

I can't do that now that I have kids because I have to remember Okay, so if I wanna go out today, then somebody has to go watch them. Who's gonna watch them? Oh, grandma can't do that because she's busy. It's just like a lot more responsibility. And when I opened my businesses with my husband, it was, it was sad because it would pick up the time, like when we first opened the business and my youngest, I just gave birth. So it was same time that this is what was happening. And if I was at work, I would feel guilty about leaving my child at home. it's like the mom, but then if I'm with my child at home, I feel guilty not being at work.

so that really prevented me, from. I don't know, it, it really made me very conflicted on the inside because , at the end of the day, I realized I can't please anybody. I can't please the thoughts that come to me. So I just need to make the choice and the decision that's right for me.

Craige: I touch on the fact that you said that you are at a point where your mental health suffered.

I'm assuming it may have been the stress of many things being at once, including you having a child. Can you speak to that for a moment?

yeah, definitely. when you give birth, not only do you physically have pain and you have to recover, but you go through months and months of losing who you are.

you don't know what music you like to listen to because you're listening to baby music all the time. You don't know what you like to wear anymore. And you lose who you used to be and you have this expectation that, oh, I'm a mom now. I can't be like this anymore. I can't do this anymore. And then who you want to be too.

Myelin: And it's like a mix of all these different things and you just don't know. You're unsure. Who you are. So it really takes a toll on your mental health because if you don't know who you are, you feel like, what's the point of living? What are my goals? you don't even know, what you inspired to be or what your dreams are would before you have kids.

Yeah. Like I wanted. Before I had kids, I had all these dreams that I wanted to be a millionaire and I wanted to open these businesses.

Myelin: I have a franchise and or I wanted to become this actress or TV hosts and stuff like that. But after I had kids, all that, I had to stop and I couldn't wish for those things anymore, and I couldn't attempt to do those things anymore because it really put me behind schedule that I had to raise two demanding kids that, you really need to take care of them when they're younger.

Craige: So I want to transition into entrepreneurship and how you manage to run your business and actually raise a family at the same time.

tell me generally, how do you manage to balance it all? Is it a matter of you getting a lot of help or hiring help or is it other people help out? Because a lot of people in your situation, yes, they may have similar ambitions, but damages, struggle to even think of doing all at once.

So a lot of people would either they put their families on hold.

Craige: What advice did you give to others in terms of how to balance it all and actually still meet your objectives?

Myelin: Right. After I gave birth, I opened my bubble tea shop right away.

And I worked in there for about a month or two until I started to feel that mom guilt. And I was like, okay, I need to be home with my son, so I need to hire people that know what they're doing.

So I hired a team of seven people and I, did the interview process and I tried to find people that were self-sufficient and were eager to learn about the business or about, bubble tea or just, that can work together as well, very closely and solve problems without me.

That was very important when I hired them because I don't want somebody to call me, trying to solve a problem when they can easily just think of something to do. So my first team that I hired was amazing. They did such a great job. They always checked in with me if it was like important decisions, but they were very good at, doing things on their own.

After I had that team, the next make sure that everybody knows what they're doing. if you don't, people are lost and they're confused and, they don't know. There's no direction. So I made it very important to like, have printed like layouts of what they should be doing when they come into work or what they should be doing before they come into work.

Myelin: What updates if we're running out of something. I just tried to communicate often and to make sure that everybody was on the same page.

Craige: Okay. Interesting. So essentially you delegated quite a bit of your business responsibility to others, to a new team. So you could absolutely spend some more time or at least be there more for your son or, and I guess children now.

So I'm thinking that one, hearing this would be okay, this sounds impressive. and. With the businesses, with the family, now I'm with the fact that you seem to have a grip on it all.

It doesn't mean anyone is perfect, but generally one would say that how do I even get there?

And isn't the fact that I'm hustling some people would guilt you or even women for not investing in the families enough, or not prioritizing the families enough and pursuing business, has that been the case for you?

And generally, how would you advise one to navigate this conflict?

Myelin: Yeah. I actually had a lot of people around me telling me that I'm working too much and I'm not being a good mom, so I need to come back home

It was really important for me to lay the foundation of my business down before I came back home, but it was important for me to also check in on my business to make sure it's surviving so that I do have time to come back and be with my child. But like I said, you're never going to, you're never going to be able to like, feel the needs of everybody around you.

You just have to do what makes you feel happy and try to block out what everybody is saying. As long as you know that you are being a good mom and you're providing for your children, or , if you are being a good boss and you're, getting everything done, then that's what's most important.

Craige: So let me give you a scenario. So let's say you have a single mom listening to. But if she's young, she could even be in 30's or older. it's quite common nowadays and she has such ambitions and she doesn't really know where to get started. She may or may not have a degree and she really wants to get started in business.

what advice would you have for such an individual who's already going through the struggles of raising the child on.

Myelin: Yeah. The first thing that I would like to say is if you want to be a business owner and that's your passion, then you should go all in 100%. Don't try to dip your toes in something and dip it in something else.

I think that it puts a lot of pressure on you if you ended up quitting your job to start your own. That puts a lot of pressure on you. And that's not probably a safe way to do it, but it forces you to learn the skills to become better. It forces you to make money. It forces you to talk to people to get out of your comfort zone.

so I would say put yourself in situations, where you're uncomfortable, but you're growing there. I always say that, if you're fearful of something, That place where you're fearful is where you're meant to grow the most. My mom was a single mom and she raised me and my brother.

what she did is she definitely put me and my brother first, and, she did real estate on the side. She did stuff that she knew she could handle and she did not overload herself, which I think is very important.

Myelin: Just remember, you have all the time in the world to get things done. You have all the time in the world to accomplish your goals.

You don't need to rush. You don't need to overload yourself because that's gonna drain you. It's gonna make your kids unhappy. So finding balance is the most important part about being a mother and an entrepreneur.

Craige: Interesting because, some people just don't see a way out. as coaches, we really help people to not just look at the present situation objectively, but to also see themselves where they really want to be.

One thing people struggle with is that they do not give themselves permission to dream of more. They may see it but they don't see themselves. So yeah, there is this mindset shift that a lot will have to make. And I always say that even if you give them the information, if you do not see yourself as one who can win, if your self talk is perennially negative, you almost never will get there.

Because the block is not information. Information is all on the internet if you diligently try to find it. It's that mental block that you have that you don't deserve this level of success because of your past, because of your present circumstances.

So it's really positive that you're saying that not only you had the example of your parents, but also that you really did not move backwards in that you still wanted to be that person and you still tried and you actually doing decently now.

I want to touch on specifically some industry related things, and even before I do that, what were your biggest challenges in, because a lot of us have hidden traumas, limiting beliefs, fears, even that are hard to even speak about in public.

Craige: I want you to be vulnerable with me and tell me what are some of the hardest things you had to overcome as a young woman?

Myelin: Yeah. So remember in the beginning of the podcast I was telling you I felt like I was born to be an entrepreneur. I was born like ambitious and ready to go. So that also ties in with having fear of failure.

I'm a really good problem solver, right? But Sometimes life just hits you and the problems can't be solved. sometimes you know, you don't expect curve balls. And there was a moment in my business, back in last winter where we were declining in sales, so it started to freak me out and I just went on a whole year with spending time with my family. So my business suffered.

And when I went back in, in the wintertime of last year, no matter what I did, the business would not, it was like a lost cause already. It was bleeding money. Things were, people were not getting along. there were so many things happening all at one time, and it made me feel like at my business I was a failure as a.mom, as a ceo, what was the point of doing this?

I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy. And it really played with my mind a lot because I thought I was so strong in the beginning and I was really strong. I laid the foundation out perfectly, but when things started to crumble because I wasn't paying attention to my business, that's when I went into this panic.

Craige: A lot of people seem to have the idea that either I have a career, I go up the corporate ladder where I build my businesses, and then family comes next, or family has to be sacrificed now. Not just talking about your kids, you're talking about your husband, your family, and just being there for everyone.

what are your thoughts on that? Generally, it's common that a lot of CEOs, a lot of corporate executive, especially female, right? One of the reasons they didn't go away up the corporate ladder is because of the fact that, of the amount of sacrifice that it requires and the fact that they would really miss out on having a family.

How would you advise one to approach it?

Myelin: Yeah, definitely. Some people tell you that you have to choose, do you wanna be a great mom and stay home with your children or do you a successful businesswoman? But I want to let you know that you don't have to choose.

You can be both. Okay? You can do both. There's no if. You can't get that? No, it's definitely possible. There's so many women out there who are doing both. a lot of societal What was that?

Craige: I wasn't trying to interrupt. I simply wanted to add though, do you think one of the reasons why they cannot do both is because of they don't have the financial support from their spouse?

I, no. I think that they can't do both because society makes them feel pressured to choose. , they make you feel like being a woman, they make you feel like, okay, you're either gonna fit into this bubble or you're gonna fit into this bubble. there's no in between, right?

Myelin: And they never see people like merge those things together. but I think that's why we as women need to talk about that more and we should try to change that. I know it's really tough to do both, but that's why finding balance is really important and finding balance to me, to other women might look different.

So you need to figure out what it is for you if you are trying to do both, like what is your balance? Do you wanna work on the weekdays and just spend time with your kids on the weekends?

That's like my thing. I will work Monday through Friday and then I will take Saturdays and Sundays off specifically just to be with my family because, they took the daycare and school anyways during the weekday.

So that's how I find balance. But some moms might want to, I don't know, maybe they want to bring their kids to work with them and maybe they have a job that they can do that. And, everybody has to just find their own little secret sauce, their own little twist to it.

You can do, you don't need to feel pressured by anybody else. You walk your own path. Really do what you want to do.

Craige: Awesome. So tell me, as an entrepreneur, where do you see things going with regards to real estate and the economy right now? What are some shifts that you are observing?

Okay. So I think when the recession, we are in a recession right now. I honestly think that the recession breeds the most millionaires.

Myelin: So if you have the funds to invest it now and invest it for a long-term hold. Like when you're gonna invest in something, think about it long-term anyways. You're not supposed to think about it like, oh, I'm going to be rich tomorrow.

It doesn't work that way. So sometimes it does, the reality is in a recession, everything is on sale. Tesla is on sale the stocks right now. So if you are able to invest into those things, I think you should do it. Real estate,even though it's correcting itself and it's going into maybe a little bit of a dip cause it was so high the last two years, I do think long term the value of all the houses are still gonna go up because people still need a place to live.

I think rents are gonna go up and because the rents are gonna go up, the value of the home will go up . So in the end if you could afford it or if you could, just even do $5 here or a dollar here to invest into some stocks or crypto or now that you even have things where you can invest in like real estate portfolios, with a dollar or $2.

So there's a lot of things. Don't be fearful that you don't know how to do it. I think education and research is the best way to figure out what you need to do.

Craige: So let's touch quickly on the cons on, college and how integral was it possible for you in terms of you being we are today and having general success. And right now, if one were to have the dilemma of should I go to college, should I borrow, take the funds, or should I try something entrepreneurial?

They maybe at a similar age as you may have the ambition, what would you tell them to do? I think when I was growing up the generation before me, we were forced to go to college by our parents because the parents said that's the only way to become successful. But now we are seeing so many people become successful with, without even using their college degree or even going to college.

Myelin: So I personally, if you want to go to. Go ahead. that's great, but if you wanna do something that does not require you to go to a traditional college, do that instead. I know that if your goal is to be an esthetician and you want to open your own esthetician place, You don't need to go to a university to do that.

You just need to go get the license and the certifications so you can cut out like all those schoolings and go straight to what you wanna do.

I think it's really important for people that like, they know what they want already. They know what kind of degree, not degree, but they know what kind of field they want to get into to just try to get in there because at the end of the day, it's not like what you know, it's who you know.

Myelin: So networking is also very important. And I wanna give advice to those that are lost. They don't know what they want to do. They wanna do a little bit of this and that, and they wanna explore. I don't think you guys should go to college right away. I think you guys should take the year off.

Go explore life, go travel, go, figure out what things interest you. And then from there you're able to decide, oh, can you do this for the rest of your life? Or can you do this as a profession? You don't need to go straight into a four year university and take out a bunch of loans. it's not worth it.

Someone your age or around your age, would you advise them to have kids if they could have afforded it?

Myelin: If I could go back, I would have kids at 28. I don't think I would have kids. because you're still a kid yourself, honestly. Like I literally, when I was 22, like the year before, I just graduated. I didn't even graduate college yet, actually, when I got pregnant.

So I felt like I had so much life to live and I wish I could go back and live, live life and do things that I couldn't normally do if I didn't have children, So if I insight, I would say, wait until you have lived. the things like some experiences, but also know that you're never gonna be ready to have kids. There's people that are like my age now that are still not ready having kids. You'll never be ready for it because that's like a big responsibility. but once you go through the process, things will get a lot better for you and a lot easier for you.

Myelin: Yeah,

Craige: So interesting. And I feel like there is quite a bit we can chew on. But as we begin to wind down, I really want to talk about some of what you're doing right now. And I remember that you said that you, because of your life experiences, you look into going to helping others, especially women with their own personal development. Tell us about that.

Myelin: Yeah. after this crazy year that I had in 2022, I went through a lot of financial struggle, but I also had amazing spiritual growth. So my goal now, my mission, my purpose in the next coming years is I really want to help work burnt out, even mothers find spiritual peace or find inner peace, through their mind, body, spirit, and their finances.

So I wanna tell them that there's a way to balance all these things. And if you do balance all these things, you can live life more. And I wouldn't say rainbows and sunshines, but you can live life peacefully. You can live life more happy because everything. Everything is balanced.

Craige: Okay, if one's listening and they're interested, they want to reach out, or do you just want more? what are some ways they could contact you?

Myelin: Yeah. I'm actually going all in this year on social media and content creation. So I'm going to be posting every day on social media, and you can follow me at Mily Moonstone.

That's m i l y, moonstone. And I'm about to start, a podcast as well. I'm about to start doing YouTube videos. if you're interested in working with me, feel free to send me a message on Instagram or, no, just into any of my social media feeds and we can get to know each other better.

Craige: And i'll link to her website and social media will be in the show notes. And Myelin as we wrap up, any last words of advice you would like to leave our audience with?

Myelin: Yeah. I just wanna say anybody listening, this is the High Achievers podcast, so I want you to know that you are all doing an amazing job. just taking time to listen to podcasts. content like this is already very amazing.

You're already a step ahead of the game, so don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself to get things done so, so quickly. give yourself time to breathe. Give yourself time to sit back and analyze the. Done to give yourself a pat on the back because you have come so far already in life and you have so much more that you're about to do.

So live a little smile more, laugh more. life is gonna be amazing because you're gonna make it amazing.

Craige: All right. Awesome. Myelin, I'd like to thank you so much for being the guest on the Higher Achiever's Podcast. it was awesome interviewing you and it really does well when we highlight people who are really pushing their own boundaries, but it is still relatively young.

we have the tendency to only highlight people who are, they've gone through several different careers, but very few times we listeners get a chance to see them when you're just starting out. So one more, thank you so much for being a guest in our show and just understand that generally there is more to come.

Craige: You just have to have courage to keep walking. Okay, so if that's said, everybody, thank you so much.

Myelin: Thank you.