How to Handle Being Misunderstood

The other day, I was out walking my dog, Takoda, when I found myself caught in an unexpectedly sticky situation. It was one of those small moments that shouldn't really matter, but for some reason, it lingered—clinging to my thoughts long after it was over.

We were about five minutes into our walk when Takoda stopped to do his business. As he bent over to poop, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to bring any bags with me. Whoops. So, I did the responsible thing: I turned around and started heading home to grab some bags, planning to return and pick up after him before continuing our walk.

Just as I was turning, a woman in a car leaned out of her window and shouted, “Pick up your dog’s poop!” Her tone was sharp, accusatory, and instantly put me on edge. I called back, explaining that I’d forgotten bags but was on my way home to get some so I could come back and clean it up. She responded with an “Okaayyyyy,” in a tone that dripped with disbelief.

As I walked away, I found myself hoping she would still be at the intersection when I returned, just so she could see that I was true to my word. Or maybe I’d run into her later on our walk, and she’d see that I had, in fact, picked up Takoda’s poop. It wasn’t that I needed her approval, but there was something about the situation that I couldn’t shake.

Why did it bother me so much that this stranger might think I wasn’t responsible? Why did I care if she believed me or not? I knew I was going to do the right thing, so why did I feel the need for her to see that?

It was deeper than just being misunderstood

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t just about being misunderstood. Sure, that was part of it, but it went deeper. It was about control—or, more specifically, the lack of it. I realized that I was triggered because I felt powerless to correct the misunderstanding. The decision to let her think whatever she wanted was made for me, and that’s what really got under my skin.

You see, I’m someone who’s had a lot of experience with being misunderstood, particularly by my family. For most of my life, they haven’t really seen me—the true me. Not that it’s their fault really. My people pleaser was very active at home as well. I wanted to be what they needed - which wasn’t always my true self.

It’s only in the last few years that some of them have started to see me for who I am at my core, and that shift has been incredibly significant for me.

Over time, I’ve learned to release the need for people to see me clearly. I’ve accepted that not everyone may never understand who I truly am, and I’ve made peace with that. I’ve even reached a point where it doesn’t bother me anymore. I see it as their loss, not mine. If they ever become open to seeing who I really am, that would be great. But if they don’t, it’s fine. I’m not losing sleep over it.

When you’re feeling misunderstood and can’t set the record straight

But this situation with the woman and the dog poop was different. 

I didn’t have the opportunity to make the decision to let it go. The decision was made for me. 

I had no other option than to let her think whatever she was going to think about me. And that’s what really triggered me—feeling out of control, unable to correct a misunderstanding that I didn’t want to exist in the first place.

I think this is something a lot of us can relate to, even if the specific situation is different. We’ve all had moments where we felt misunderstood and powerless to set the record straight. Maybe it’s at work, with friends, or even on social media, where someone takes something you said out of context or misinterprets your actions. And in those moments, it’s easy to feel frustrated, anxious, or even angry because we want to be seen accurately and fairly. We want our intentions to be understood, and when that doesn’t happen, it can feel like a loss of control over how we’re perceived.

But here’s the thing I’ve come to realize: We can’t always control how others see us. And while logically we may know that to be true, it’s okay to struggle to believe that in your emotional body. That’s a sign that you have an internal core belief that needs to be unravelled and reprogrammed.

Because, when you get right down to it, what we can control is how we respond internally. Instead of focusing on correcting every misunderstanding or proving ourselves to others, we can focus on affirming our own truth. We can remind ourselves that our integrity doesn’t depend on someone else’s understanding or approval.

When it’s hard to let go and be misunderstood

This doesn’t mean it’s easy to let go, especially if you’re someone who values clear communication and being understood on your own terms. But it does mean that you have the power to choose how much energy you invest in situations where you feel misunderstood. You can decide whether it’s worth trying to clarify or if it’s better to let it go and move on, knowing that your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s perception.

In the case of the woman at the intersection, I had to let it go because I had no other choice. But in doing so, I also had to remind myself that her opinion of me doesn’t change who I am. I know I’m responsible. I know I did the right thing. And that has to be enough.

How to handle being misunderstood

For those of you reading this who struggle with being misunderstood, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s a common human experience to want to be seen and understood, and it’s natural to feel frustrated when that doesn’t happen. But remember that you have the power to choose how you respond. You don’t have to let someone else’s misunderstanding define you. You don’t have to give away your peace just because someone else doesn’t see the full picture.

Instead, focus on what you can control. Focus on living in alignment with your values and celebrate the moments when you do. And when you find yourself in a situation where you feel misunderstood, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re the only one who truly knows your intentions. Hold onto that truth, and let the rest go.

Because at the end of the day, the most important thing is not whether others see you perfectly—it’s whether you see yourself clearly and live in a way that honors that truth.