#10 - The Kindness Advantage: A New Approach to Leadership

That's really good advice, and it's something I've learned in my career. Sometimes, the thought of being empathetic sounds like weakness, but it also sort of puts a leader in a challenging position. After all, a leader is a driver, right? Sometimes, it feels like they have to go into solution mode, like, "Let me fix this." However, you don't have to fix everything for the individual, but you do need to address and fix the work situation.

For instance, the example you gave of your employee receiving bad news before boarding a plane illustrates this. You had to ensure that the class got delivered somehow, so you had to fix that situation. Still, you allowed the person to step out because they couldn't deliver at that point.

Could you talk a little bit more about this from a leader's perspective? You've seen leaders who drive and try to solve situations even for the employee, right?

Absolutely, Laura. While some may perceive empathy as a sign of weakness or even a hindrance to success, I've found in my experience that it's a very powerful tool that can enhance one's leadership effectiveness and drive positive outcomes. Let me take a step back and explain a little more about that.

To begin with, leaders must recognize that empathy does not mean compromising on business results, and I think that's very important. Empathy and business results are not mutually exclusive; they are quite complementary. It involves understanding, acknowledging the emotions, perspectives, and needs of employees, customers, and stakeholders, and building strong relationships. By doing that, it helps drive business results through team meetings, one-on-one conversations, and gathering input from employees and team members.

At the end of the day, we are trying to manage and drive a business with goals and outcomes, and these aspects go hand in hand.

Thank you for making that distinction. It's essential for individual employees to understand that, at the end of the day, the business leader has to run the business. It's not personal, but they need to give you the space you need to handle whatever situation you're going through. Having an empathetic leader who understands that is crucial.

Now, we've talked about empathy, saying no, and the fact that business is still business. Can you explain the difference between empathy and compassion? I tend to associate compassion more with kindness, while empathy is about deep understanding.

That's an excellent point, Christine. Compassion and kindness are how you respond to the behavior or need that has come to your attention, while empathy is the deep connection and understanding of what the person is going through. It's about putting yourself in their shoes. The outcome is the act of kindness or compassion that you display.

I'd like to add that sometimes, especially in the business environment, there can be a lot of fear or attachment to outcomes, such as revenue goals or client satisfaction. How do you balance being empathetic and compassionate with your team members while also managing your fear of expectations?

I believe we need to come to an understanding that people, whether in personal or professional relationships, tend to operate better within teams.

If they have a strong sense of trust, collaboration, and a feeling of belonging, those things can only be felt and nurtured from a leader who is empathetic. If you bring those qualities to the table, we will get the best out of our employees. I mean, it's not much unlike our personal relationships. When we bring our whole selves to work and lead with an understanding that the person in front of us at work is not just a one-dimensional employee working on the same team for the same company as we are—they come with all of their various experiences and backgrounds, and they want to do a great job. But sometimes, things that are going on in their life affect that.

We really want to get the best out of our employees to drive those business outcomes, and at the end of the day, of course, that's what we want to do. We need to understand the challenges that they face, and I have found in my experience, people will work harder for you, will go the extra mile, and will want to continue to support your successes as a manager and leader if you lead with an empathetic ear. That's beautiful, Maura.

And it seems from what you said, there's one thing that is very clear to me, no matter where you are, even in business, it's all about human relationships. The more we pay attention to the dynamics of human relationships and support that, people will feel all the needs that humans want—sense of belonging, achievement, and trust will be there based on that. Being empathetic as a leader is crucial.

Absolutely, and you said it well, Christine. When you foster that sense of belonging, motivation, and fulfillment and create the culture that supports that, your team members will want to support you and drive greater success for the team because they feel all those things. "I believe I belong. I matter." Those were the elements that I would espouse with my team because I know that's how you drive strong business results. It's a great example of the culture you want to have, and it's not just between the leader and the one employee; it's everybody. It's from employee to employee, team member to team member. When you create that culture, not only are your people going to be there to support you as the leader on all the things you're trying to do for the business and the results, but they'll support each other.

Right now, I'm dealing with a personal situation, and the team I'm working with is jumping in to help cover for me when I can't be there, and that means a lot. I'll definitely do the same in return for them when they need it, but the team and our results are not missing a beat because everybody else believes in and supports each other. When you're able to step back in, Laura, you will find, "Wow, I now have the motivation and the sense of wanting to pay that back or pay that forward or continue to make sure that type of culture thrives because I see what it did for me when I needed it the most." So those relationships, and you're so right, it's the one-on-one leader-employee, but it's employee to employee, employee to client, employee to shareholders—it's all those many relationships that make up a really positive workplace culture.

I want to ask one more thing: that's great if you work in that kind of environment. I think people are lucky to be able to find a place like that. But how do we deal with the culture where there's no empathy or with the manager that doesn't show kindness?

That's a very good question, Christine, because it would be naive to think that every working relationship we have or every manager we've worked for displays qualities of empathy, especially as you work across a multicultural team. I mean, some cultures just lead with empathy perhaps more loudly than others do.

So, look, it starts with yourself, right? I mean, part of the culture we create is the culture that we help start. In the very few instances in my long career in human resources where I've had a manager that perhaps wasn't as empathetic as I would have hoped, he or she would have been. I continued to bring my true self to my work environment.