#12 - Unlocking Potential: The Hidden Strength of Asking for Help

 Welcome to the Women's Career Mastery Podcast, the show that's dedicated to empowering women to redefine success and break through barriers. I'm your host, Christine. And my cohost, Laura, along with our amazing guests and experts, we are here to shatter the myths that has been hindering women's career fulfillment for far too long. 

So if you're ready to master your career and take your life to the next level, join us in our journey together. The Women's Career Mastery Podcast starts. Now, today, we're diving deep into a topic that often stays hidden in the shadows, asking for help.  You see, there are countless reasons why we find it so darn difficult to reach out and ask for a helping hand.

From the social expectations that have traditionally placed women in the caregiving and nurturing role. pushing them to embody self reliance and self sacrifice to that ever present fear of appearing as weak.  But let's pause for a moment, my friends. What if, instead of weakness, asking for help is a testament to courage and self awareness?

What if it's not just a lifeline, but a powerful catalyst for leadership, and most importantly, a force that can indeed make this world a better place?  Our incredible guest today is here to provide you with a treasure trove of insights and mindset shifts all centered around the powerful act of asking for help. 

Without further ado, I'll now hand the mic to Laura to introduce our guest today. Thank you, Christine. It's so cool to be back here today with all of our listeners. We are excited to bring you a guest. Her name is Karen May to Heckman. Karen and I met working with skill cycle. We are both coaches on the skill cycle platform.

We coach regularly with them, with their clients, and we love it, but we met in a training session and ever since then, we've been connecting and collaborating. Karen is an inspirational leadership and career coach who has a passion for facilitating learning and growth. She works with individuals and teams on personal development, career transition and transformational change.

Besides being a certified coach, Karen has over 30 years of experience working for fortune 500 companies as a corporate trainer and expert facilitator. And her background is in HR leadership. And learning and development and sales and knows how businesses operate to drive results. I could tell you, I've seen this.

That's true.  I'm really excited to share with you and be here with you today, Karen, and talk about this important topic of asking for help, especially when it comes for women in their careers. If you would say a few words on why you agreed to join us today. Yeah, thank you, Laura. Again, I'm thrilled to be here and thank you to you and Christine for having me.

As you said, I'm a leadership and career coach and I've spent about 30 years in corporate America. What I'm really excited about is that I'm able to continue my passions around growing and developing others. And I do that through leadership training, education. I actually work with a business partner, Intentional Discovery for Learning.

And in addition, I have my own business. I spend a lot of time coaching people and providing guidance and support to my clients, especially those going through a career transition. I'm excited about this topic today because I really love working with especially women who are mid career, who in many cases have had an unplanned career transition, and maybe they need to rebuild. 

Or develop their confidence in addition to other leadership skills and this topic around asking for help comes up so often. So I'm really happy to be here today to talk with you both about it. Let's get right into it. So why do you hear this question? So often? Why are women? Reluctant to ask for help and how can we help change this narrative that this asking for help is a sign of weakness when it really is.

Yes, strength. You're right. And I think as women, we are conditioned, whether it's through culture, whether it's through the environment that we grew up in. Most of us were raised in an environment where we saw the women in our lives taking it all on. They were juggling it all. They were handling it. For a lot of women, it's that fear of saying no.

It's the idea that you feel guilty. Maybe you don't want to disappoint others. Maybe at work, you don't want to be seen as inadequate or weak, or maybe they don't want to feel as if they're going to be rejected for saying no.  But I think it's important to recognize that it's not a weakness. Asking for help is a sign of strength, and it's about having that self awareness, one, to recognize it, and then two, to act on it, because it's a big, big part of self care, which is so important for everyone.

That's one of the ways that we can avoid burnout. I would say it's a sign of leadership as well. Absolutely. A good leader knows when to ask for help. You're absolutely right. Yes. It's knowing when to ask for help. What I found is very interesting is it's kind of this blur boundary between strength and weakness.

What you're saying about like when we want to be seen as a strong woman, as an independent,  but at the same time we need help. And it's very interesting when you said, you know, a lot of your coaching clients are, this is the issues like asking for help. My question is. When do we know that we need help?

Because sometimes there's always, before we ask for help, there's always this kind of inner talk, right? Yeah, I think I can do it. Yeah. But I think I can make it just happen. And, um, a lot of self talk before we ask for help. So I felt maybe you can kind of help our listeners to find out when is the time to ask for help?

When is the time to, yes, I can do this myself. Yeah, it's a great question. I think sometimes it's a matter of are we struggling to meet our deadlines? Are we able to take care of the tasks that we need to take? Are we able to hit the goals that we're working on at home? Are you able to get things accomplished without having a sense of maybe just that you're exhausted or you're not able to take care of things?

So I think it's being able to recognize maybe that something you Is going on that you're not able to do things. You're noticing that maybe you're not putting in a hundred percent. You're not being a hundred percent again. Maybe you're not meeting your tasks, but there's usually signs. Yeah. It's very interesting from what you said.

It's interesting because we use like a hundred percent, you know, goal, like reach a goal, a hundred percent, 90%, 85 percent as if it's measurable. In very clear, you know, you can see it, you can count it. But I think especially for women, we feel it when we're not 100%. There's something inside that telling us, no, no, I'm not 100%.

We just know it. Exactly. It's interesting to be able to have a self awareness to feel in ourselves. Like you said, you know, I feel like I don't have enough help. I cannot be 100 percent because when I cannot be 100%, that means I cannot do the best. Exactly. Therefore, I need some help. So help me to be a hundred percent and do the best.

Absolutely. And you almost have me thinking, Christine, if it got to the point where maybe you didn't have that self awareness, it could also be a situation where you've got others that maybe you're working with that have noticed you seem to be off your game per se, right? Or you're missing deadlines. So it might be others recognizing something's not right, that you don't seem to be able to.

Manage what you have on your plate, you could definitely feel that, wouldn't you say to like that feeling could also be, I feel like I could do so much more, but I can't in the current situation or the certain circumstances. So I need to shift something to make it possible for me to do more. Sometimes it's a feeling of, oh, I want to do more, but I really can't.

Given what I've got on my plate right now, you're absolutely right. And it could be, as you think about that, are you evaluating everything that you've got going on? And are you prioritizing what's most important? Because maybe it doesn't all need to be done. But again, that feeling of, Oh, I have to accomplish this.

But do you really, how could you balance what you've got on your plate and how can you. Figure out and adjust what do I need help with and maybe what could I prioritize and then the other things maybe that aren't so important, how can I get help with that.  What you're just saying it's so packed I'm going to try to kind of slow it down a bit and then ask you another questions about this, because I felt what you said is two things.

One is self awareness of. I'm not 100%, so I can see myself how I'm doing. I want, like Laura said, I want to do more, but at this moment, I can, I can see things kind of falling apart. That's one thing, the awareness of it. And then from there, using the strategic thinking. What and more practical about it? Like, what is the thing that I need help the most?

Who can help me from what you're saying? It's like using the whole brain, like the whole brain of seeing ourselves reflective, uh, capacity to see our strengths and our weakness and where we are, and then bringing that strategy cap. To set which part of this thing that I need help with and who should I ask? 

I think as a women, we use both in our professional life to have that both balance of being strategic and also having self awareness.  I love the strategic view of it, but I also would say it's personal too. So as a woman, we balance between the home and personal lives and our work lives, maybe when you're thinking strategically, you're thinking holistically, like this is like,  I could do more at work.

If I have to do less at home, I could do more at home. If I do less at work, whatever your situation is. Thinking really holistically from a strategic mindset on how to deal with that. Yeah, I want to ask one more thing. I think you mentioned something very important. You said knowing what matters. Can you give some tips on how do we know what matters?

Because sometimes we want to get things done. We just like go, go, go. And we forgot our priorities. And I think it's a great point. It's going back to thinking about your values, your goals. How are the things, as you think about holistically, what needs to get done and what you're working on? We know we can't do it all.

There's only 24 hours in the day. We don't want to do that. Evaluating what's important to you, what needs to get done, and then thinking about, okay, how do I get this done? How do I simplify things? I think it's also, as you're doing that, it's thinking about what really matters most to you. And then having that emotional courage.

And then setting boundaries right to say this is what I'm going to handle. I'm going to not able to say yes to everything because that's not sustainable, even if we even if we think we can do that for a little while. It's just not sustainable. So how do we prioritize what's most important for ourselves, and then think about okay if I'm saying yes to this.

What do I need to say no to so that I continue to have that balance? And when I'm saying no, it's more around how can I ask for help in a way that it's not just benefiting me, but it's benefiting others. And I think it's maybe changing your mindset and your perspective to not look at it necessarily as that you're asking for help, but you're doing this and able to achieve a goal.

That's very interesting. The changing of mindset of asking for help before going there. One thing I found it's very interesting is like, for anything you say yes, you say no to something. And for anything that you say no, you say yes to something else. And it works both way. With yes, there's always no. With no, there's always yes. 

So I found that's very interesting because sometimes we think we have to say yes all the time or say no all the time, but it's not. It's both. And you say about changing mindset, about asking help. And what I found very interesting is you said, you know, it's not just for me, but also for others. Can you explain more about that?

Like, what do you mean? When you think about it again, if you're changing your mindset, think about it as maybe you're not necessarily asking for help, but you're also engaging the support of others so that you're maximizing your resources, right? You're maximizing the opportunities that you have to get things done.

And so maybe that means you're looking at it differently in terms of maybe you've got somebody on your team at work that needs a developmental opportunity. And by offering them maybe one of your tasks. It's giving them the opportunity to develop and grow. So you're getting it off your plate, but you're also allowing this other person to grow and develop because you're giving them that opportunity to work on something that maybe is a challenging assignment.

And I think it's also, again, when I say changing your mindset, thinking about it, that phrase that it takes the village, it really does. And why should it be just you alone trying to accomplish things? We know we're better when we have a team, when we collaborate with others. So I think changing your perspective helps sometimes make it a little bit easier to ask for that help.

That's very good insights. And I just want to stress this, what you're saying is it's for the good of all. Like asking for help is not for the good of you, but for the good of all, because then we, to asking for help, we give others opportunity to give and contribute, which we like to contribute. And if you feel good about it, why not giving others that opportunity to contribute and make them feel good about it?

Yeah, for me, you just touched on it, right? Think about how good it feels when you're helping someone and the satisfaction that you get. So why deny somebody else that opportunity to have that feeling if it's something that they can truly help you with, you know, and again, whether it's at work, whether it's at home, think about how it could help the other person feel to be able to offer that assistance to you in whatever way that might be.

What i love about that is it opens up you the person asking for help or giving the support to somebody else to grow it opens you up for other ways to do things maybe this person that you've given the assignment to is gonna do it in a different way that you didn't even think of it so now you have an even better way so the next time you have that task.

It's improved. It's become better. It's like a rolling effect of goodness that comes out of this asking for help. You're absolutely right. And I think that's one of the things too, as you're asking for help, when you think about, so you recognize that you need to have that awareness. Then you think about, okay, now that I'm going to do this, who can I ask, how can I get that help, and then being clear and concise about the help that you need, you know exactly what you need to ask for, and then be open to the possibilities, the ideas, because we know not everyone's going to do things the way we do, and that's okay.

It's learning to let go. And I get it. We're all a work in progress. Myself included. It's taking me a long time and I still think sometimes, okay, is it more important to have it done my way or for that task to be completed so that it opens me up to do other things? So you're right. Having that opportunity or the space to be able to say, I'm okay with this.

It's not going to be done exactly how I need it, but that's okay. I'm giving somebody else the opportunity to develop and grow. And then it frees me up to do X, Y, Z. Another question, what is the art of asking for help? I think it's, again, from what I've seen and what I know, I think, again, one, it's first having that awareness.

You need to be able to recognize that you need the help, and then when you make that decision, you need to follow through. And then you need to be able to, again, be okay with however that help is done, the way it's done, it might not be to your way. And then I think you need to not apologize. You say you need help, you're not apologizing for it, you're going to own it, and then be open to those possibilities.

And then I think the idea is to do it as soon as you recognize, so you're asking for help right away, and then to keep practicing. So maybe you start small. And you ask for help in a small way, and then that continues to grow and to build like anything we get better with practice, the more you're able to do that, the better you'll get.

For me, that's how I see it kind of being the art of asking for help. That's really good points, what you're saying, and I felt. That could be a recipe for leadership too, because as a leader you need to delegate and when you start delegating or asking for help for small things, then you start asking for bigger things and you know how to do it.

And that's what leader does. Absolutely. Yeah. You're not there to do it all and you shouldn't have to do it all. But again, it's how do you find a way to manage the expectations using your strengths and the resources around you and finding out the best way to do that, to move forward. Yeah. It kind of builds over time from a leadership perspective.

You might start by asking an individual for help you delegate  over time. You'll be asking entire teams. To help you with projects. You may be asking entire parts of an organization to help you. You may be bringing on partnerships. It just keeps growing, but that builds with your ability to recognize how to have awareness of the help that you need and then ask for it.

Yeah. And I think when you said that Laura, it makes me think too. That's also about you're recognizing the strengths of others, having the awareness. That you know what you do well and you know the areas where you could use some help. So why struggle? Why not think about who does the things well that maybe you need the help with?

And again, partnering with them, as you say, and that would just grow and grow so that you're being more strategic about it. And you're kind of bringing in the best of all worlds. So if somebody's afraid right now to ask for help, or not sure what to do with it, that's a good way to start. Start small. Pick something small.

Maybe does anybody have an example that you might want to share? I'm thinking you could find new technology or an app, possibly, for some of the mundane tasks that you have at work. For example, something like a calendaring system, so that you're not going back and forth with people in email trying to figure out how to get a date on the calendar, where it's an app that can help you do that and saves time.

That's a small change that you could make that might help, again, reduce some of those mundane tasks. This is very interesting because your answer this time is not about asking people help, but finding help  from different ways. And this is interesting because at the end of the day, asking for help is also part of problem solving and problem solving, asking for help to be creative because yeah, you can ask person, you can look for an app, you can look for books or whatever it is.

There's something out there that can help you. And That lead me to the next one is communication, maybe questions of how can we communicate, how can asking for help, teaching us to how communicate better. I think it goes back to you need to be clear. On what the ask is, right? What is the thing that you need that help with  understanding what it is that you need help with and then being able to communicate it in a way that the other person understands what it is.

And again, maybe it's not necessarily person, but maybe it's a challenge or an issue that needs to be solved, but being very clear on what the item is and then the ask. Couldn't it be a collaboration too? I know there's so many times that I'm dealing with something where I know I need help but I don't know what it is exactly and I'll speak to my significant other about it or Christine about it and okay all of a sudden now I can articulate exactly what I need and I can take forward.

Yeah, when you said that, Laura, I also think to, you know, sometimes when you're in a coaching session with an individual, it's having that space to be able to brainstorm. You're absolutely right to be able to brainstorm to say, okay, I'm not really sure what I need help with. But as you start to talk it through, you're right.

And to collaborate, to brainstorm, you come up with, okay. And sometimes it's not even what you thought your original thought. It's not that, but it's something else. So having that ability to maybe talk it through and figure out. What exactly do I need? Where are the areas that I may be struggling or need more help with?

There's a lot under this asking for help topic. There is. Asking  for help could be getting a coach to help you through some of the challenges that you're dealing with and to find the solutions that are going to work for you. You're absolutely right and I know I find in my coaching business where sometimes people will come to you thinking they need assistance working on one topic, but when you start to peel back the layers and you dig deeper, you realize that they weren't really sure what the challenge was they wanted to work on until you start to dig.

So yeah, I see some similarities there sometimes having a coach to be able to provide that clarity. With individuals so that they can really figure out, okay, what am I having a challenge with? Where do I need help? I thought it was here, but now that we're talking, oh, wait a minute, it might be this. And what's that root cause?

And kind of digging deeper. So yeah, it's interesting. From what you just both said, asking for help. It's not just about, let's say I want to fix something, I need to help on that, but asking to figure out what kind of help do I need, it's also part of asking for help. Yeah, you're right. Is there anything, any advice, any other tips that, Karen, you would like to give to our listeners?

Yeah, I would definitely like to think as we talk about it, we know Again, as women, we're not good at this. I always say we're all a work in progress.  As we think about how do we develop ourselves? How do we move forward? Cause really asking for help. Again, I talked about the self care and it's about taking care of yourself.

And so how do you get to a place where you're able to do what you need to do? You're working on what's most important to you, thinking about your values, thinking about what's most important to you, and then. Thinking about, okay, you know, if I need help, think about what it would look like. Again, I go back to changing your mindset and thinking about what would it look like?

What would it feel like to get help with whatever it is you're dealing with? What would it feel like to get that help and use that as the driving force or their motivation, right? Like, wouldn't it be great if I had help doing X, Y, Z, I would feel so and fill in the blanks? And then use that the driving force to motivate you to get to that place.

And then again, as we talked about earlier, start small. Think about maybe at work, you have some smaller, maybe tasks that you're asking somebody else, or maybe you're finding an app or technology to help you with.  But start small. Maybe at home, it's asking a family member to take on a new responsibility, which again is going to help them develop.

But starting small and then get comfortable being uncomfortable because we know it's going to be uncomfortable in the beginning. We're not used to doing this. So how do we keep doing it? But you're going to keep practicing and then it's going to get easier. The last thing I would say is think about how you role model that behavior so that you can inspire other women in your life.

around you to ask for help because sometimes I think we got here based on how we grew up, how we were raised. And so as we're going to change that moving forward, how can we pay it forward? How can we role model that behavior so that others see there is no shame in asking for help. But as we said, it's a leadership skill, it's a strength and it will enable us.

That was a great way to recap everything we just covered in the episode, but also I love the pay it forward. We're here for a reason. We're shedding a light on this topic, but we also want to share it with as many people as we can. And we want our listeners to do the same thing. Definitely, because wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where we're all comfortable asking for help?

Yeah. And I love your tips. I love the way you summarize it. It seems like a weakness. We ask for help, but it's actually inspiring others and give others permission to do the same. Because sometimes we don't feel like we have permission to ask for help. So what you're saying is really at least give me some insights on like, wow, asking for help can change the world because it gives other permission to do the same way.

As well, and I think that's the amazing things of being a role model, not through your, like, seems like you're strong or independent, but even through your vulnerability to your human and asking for help. Thank you. Yes. You're welcome. You're welcome. So let's move to the lightning round of questions. Are you ready?

I'm ready. Okay. So where do you go for inspiration? I would say my inspiration is strong minded women around me in my life that inspire me. And I know that was way more than three words.  We like inspiring women. What is one habit you adopted that has greatly improved your career? Practicing self care without a doubt.

What is one thing that keeps you moving forward each day and on track? All the possibilities around me and what's possible, what I can do, who I can help. Love that. And what is the most valuable piece of advice you ever received?  The most valuable piece of advice I ever received, and I think this has served me well, is to trust my instincts.

Always trust my instincts. Trust my gut.  Thank you so much, Karen. We really appreciate you doing the podcast with us. I'm going to turn it over to Christine to do a close. Thank you very much. I've loved the time with you ladies. I appreciate the opportunity. Thank you, Karen, for amazing insights on asking for help.

When we first start talking about this, Laura mentions about the topic and it seems like a simple thing, but it is touching a lot of other aspects. Leadership, collaborations. And making the world a better place even is to ask for help. And for that, we appreciate, we appreciate you to become our guest. And maybe next time you can come back again to talk about different topics, because there are some there that I noticed  you can speak very well about.

All right, audience. Until next time and please put some comments or like or follow us on our podcast, whatever you're listening from, and I hope to see you next time. Bye for now. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Women's Career Mastery. To ensure you don't miss any future episodes, please subscribe to our podcast on your preferred podcast platform.

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