#15 - When Your Strength Becomes Your Biggest Obstacle

Welcome to the Women's Career Mastery Podcast, the show that's dedicated to empowering women to redefine success and break through barriers. I'm your host, Christine, and my co-host, Laura, along with our amazing guests. and experts. We are here to shatter the myths that has been hindering women's career fulfillment for far too long.

So, if you're ready to master your career and take your life to the next level, join us in our journey together. The Women's Career Mastery Podcast starts now.

All right, everyone. I hand it out to my colleague, Laura. Go ahead, Laura. Thanks,

Christine. Hi, everyone. We have a really great guest here with us today. Her name is Barb rank. Barb is a lifelong learner and educator. She holds an undergraduate degree from the University of Northern Iowa and a master's degree from Drake University.

She has a passion for learning and growth, which includes a 25-year career in corporate workplaces. She's worked with different models and assessments that offer language around strengths, preferences, and approaches. She's awesome at educating, coaching, and training those looking to be more collaborative and self-aware and leading to more accountable outcomes.

Christine and I met Barb through Your Clear Next Step, an organization we are all affiliated with that has training and coaching programs that help people have better workdays. Barb, I just want to thank you in advance for joining us on the podcast. We love all that you do.

Perhaps you would start sharing a little bit about yourself and why you agreed to join us and all of our listeners on the

podcast. Thank you so much, Laura and Christine. It's great to be here. I do love talking about what I do and how I help people.

So, thank you. A little bit about myself. Like you just described, I've had a history in corporate workspaces, but really with an educator's heart. I loved helping people learn and grow, helping people find their potential. And in corporate, the tools that I gained most were around how to become more professional, how to become more productive, those types of things, I enjoyed that for a very long period of time.

And then at about five years ago, I hit the top of what I would consider, my game. I was well beyond what I ever thought I was going to get paid as a farm girl growing up, you know, in a big company. I, I had this job that was secure. I could be doing this for the rest of my life. Family was in, good situation.

I basically on paper, it looked really good. And yet I was really. angry and frustrated most of the time and I would almost say numb was the overriding feeling, But I didn't know what was wrong and I didn't need counseling because i'm not broken. I didn't even know how to ask for help because I didn't know what was wrong, but I was using all of the tools that I had at my disposal up until that point, one of which was working really hard.

That I could do. So again, five years ago, at the top of my game, on paper, it looks great. What's going on? So, I did the one thing I know how to do. I got into another certification program. So, I added more work to my plate and that was to become a coach. As a result of that program, I got the additional tools I needed to become not just professional and polished and productive.

But truly a balanced person, you know, someone who had connected back to what she really needs, what she valued where she was using some of these greatest strengths on overdrive. And that was actually creating more stress for me, but I didn't know how to shut it off. Because when a little is good, more is better than you kind of get addicted to it.

So, those were the tools through coaching that I added to my toolkit and started using five years ago. I now want to help all of those women in the workforce who might be like me. they know how to get stuff done. They know how to be productive. It's once we get into these, I call them pockets of stuckness, that it's hard to find your way out on your own.

And I just want to be that space of compassion and no judgment and say, hey, let's look at your scores. And I can already tell this about you. Is this true? You know, just having someone see you to that degree, it's The thing that I needed to move myself forward, and that's why I want to help everyone here.

Awesome. Now I understand the tagline that you have on your website, which is shifting energy in the right direction. So, thanks for sharing that. So, let's do that. Let's start to shift the energy and help our listeners understand and manage their own strengths and weaknesses. For the good of their career and relationships.

So, Barb, can you help maybe start to define this or help us understand the difference between strengths and weaknesses in a professional context?

Yeah, sure. I'll kind of go back to where I first heard this phrase is about 20 years ago, I was becoming a new leader 15 or 20 years ago. And the phrase that was used was your greatest strengths.

When overused will become your greatest limitations and at the time I was like, what does that mean? Because I was new to leadership learning a lot of other things in the meantime, and they did a few assessments here and there and it still wasn't Something that I had integrated yet. It was just that phrase stuck.

So now that I have done my own Continued experiential learning on my own but also teaching people What I have learned is that each of us has our own unique set of skills or strengths. And I define those as those things that will give you energy, positive reproducing energy, even if it's hard, even if it's hard, you will still want to do it.

If it's coming from a place of natural strength and all of us have different buckets or different characteristics of those. So then, as we go through the process of working with people to use assessments and give you that language around what are your specific strengths and how strong are they, right, your top ones are going to be the ones that you're like, this is my go-to.

As we go through that process, the clients I work with start to understand, okay, this truly is me. So, I feel very validated in knowing that these are my greatest strengths. And then everything else that they're, they're like, that's not me. I don't consider those weaknesses. I just consider those areas that are not natural strengths for you.

So, once you can truly identify and stand on, okay, this is me, where do I show up? Which environments do I show up at my best? Which careers would be better suited to these strengths? Now I can help you understand why you might be frustrated in your current environment. now I can help you understand why you're being drained on a daily basis.

Because you've kind of pretzeled yourself into something that's not authentically you, but your job also doesn't have to give you all of that. So going back to energy, if you're trying to pretzel yourself into a position that isn't you, you're going to be drained. So, you're going to need to get that energy recharged somewhere else.

Even if it's hard. Where can you go and fill that bucket? I'll give you a couple examples. Starting with me and then a client that I served. So, for me, one of my top strengths is called Catalyst, or it's also called Activator in the Clifton StrengthsFinder. And Activators work best when there's, constantly something new or something to explore.

Maybe it's an untested thing. I'm always ready for something new or exciting, which is great in a learning and development role because things are always changing. I work best in environments where that is valued. People want someone who wants to explore change and is excited to move forward with change.

 I don't work great in overly regulatory compliance, operationalized environments where The status quo is what is needed to be preserved, or extreme level of detail, and we can't get it wrong type of environments, and not that they are bad or wrong, there's nothing wrong with those environments.

I'm just not going to be able to show up at my best if I've got this energy to burn around catalyzing things and trying new things, and I'm going to be faced with, yes, but that's not what's needed here. That's not what, how we operate, and I'm either going to, if I'm not self-aware, I might take that personally.

And, you know, rage against the job, but it's not the job. It's me saying I've got energy in this area. Where else could it be better put to use? And so, this was one of the reasons I knew I could be my own business owner around coaching and training. Cause I will show up every day with energy to burn for people who want this type of work.

That's one example. Another example, I worked with a client recently whose greatest strength was responsibility. So, if this is you, or, you know, someone like this. Her word is her honor. And if she says she is going to do something, she will do it. So, she was in a director position, but by the time she came to me, she was facing physical and mental burnout.

It was, it was, she was really stressed and stuck. And as we went through the process, she was getting ready to take a two month leave just to recharge. But the biggest pressure she was facing is I cannot let my team down and I'm going to disappoint people if I have to quote, dump all this work onto them.

And so that's what she originally came to me with. And as I just listened and let her kind of talk it through, which is a huge part of what we need. Just need someone to listen. I asked about how long this burden; it was almost a burden. How, how long that had been going on. And we found out it was about two years.

So, for two years, she had been continuously feeling burdened around this beautiful strength of responsibility. And what happened two years ago \ was they downsized, and they eliminated a position, and then her responsibility kicked in and she just found a way to make sure that all of that stuff still got done, even though they were down an entire position.

 We got to look at responsibility through a new lens. And say, how could we go back and have a conversation to say what is realistic with now the people that we have versus her responsibility going on overdrive, not even questioning, should we be doing this, or is this still ours to do, which at the director level, she is absolutely capable of having those conversations.

It's just in that moment two years ago, she took on too much responsibility and it was stressing her out. It's, very interesting I love the story and the examples are very clear. And it's reminded me of, let's say our strengths is like salt. If we are salt, we put something like a little bit of salt.

It's great. It tastes better too much of salt. It doesn't taste good at all. And what you're saying is very interesting because I think a lot of women who left a workplace will get burned out or overwhelmed. At the end of the day, sometimes what we do is we blame ourselves, what you bring in here is to be able to see what's inside to be able to get to know ourselves even more, our strength, and how it can be extremely.

unhelpful for us if you're not aware of it. I guess my question to you.

What does it take for women to be more aware of that? How their strength could be also their weakness? And secondly, how do we overcome that?

Those are big questions. Yeah, this is, part of what frustrates me about what I do because I am also wired for efficiency.

I love not just getting the job done, but how quickly can we do this? So, if that sounds like you, you're wired this way, you want the answers now and I get it and I, I want them to. With self-awareness, it can be a very uncomfortable journey. And having gone through this process many times myself and with others, I can see why people do not want to be self-aware, right?

It's painful to hear the flip side or the blind spot side of your strengths. So, for example, my catalyst, Barb, you tend to be bulldozing. You can sound manipulative at times because you just want what you want to keep things moving forward. And I'm like, that's not who I am. But if I sit and reflect in it, I'm like, eww.

I can absolutely show up that way if I'm not aware, and I'm not getting the relational outcomes that I also want, but do I want to change it? I don't know, you know, it's like there's this huge internal struggle that each of us have to go through in that space, and if we're not ready, I say I only work with the willing.

If someone were to be brought to me under duress and they're like, prove that I have to change, it's just not going to work. Now, even in that situation, if I get people that come to me and they're like, how can I answer those questions that you just gave me? I like to use models. And through my corporate career and through my life coaching certification, I have found assessments that are very efficient at getting you self-aware.

Now, you might not like everything they have to say, but if it's true, it's happening. And, you know, what do you want to do with it? I approach it a couple of ways. If the person has worked for a company where they've taken a bunch of these assessments before, Then I want to dig deeper into all of them and just, like, let's go through all of your results again.

Because chances are they, it was a flash in the pan, or they did it once and they haven't even used it on a daily basis. I want to help them layer the cake and see this is true and this is true, and this test is saying it this way and this test is saying it this way. This is now the blind spot or the dark side of each of those.

So, you're hearing it from an objective expert in a safe setting, there's no one else around, right? But if this is true, where is this benefiting you and then what's it costing you? What is it costing you when you're on overdrive? And then through the models, I can even help them predict where their stress is going to occur.

So, you just heard me say, man, do I value efficiency? I will get very stressed out in environments. Where the whole purpose is just to talk and strategize for long periods of time. Those are good environments to have. It will trigger my efficiency stressor. And I will sit there and start to become restless.

And I will want to start making a decision with my high D disc profile. And maybe that's not the right solution. But I have to be self-aware enough to sit with that discomfort. And just know that I've been triggered. That's it. Do I need to do anything or not? Again, I like using models and assessments plus very customized coaching, predictable patterns, and then they get to stay curious and observe.

And the beautiful thing is You're you, whether you're at work or at home. So, a lot of times we start with work situations, but then they see that this is expanded into their immediate family, their extended family, and nothing warms my heart more than knowing that they're getting it to that degree. I mean, that's having a global impact, if I can be a little dramatic, but I've seen it happen.

What I like about it, what's coming to mind for me is, if a woman is thinking the way you're sharing, you're thinking that I'm just stressed out. I just, I can't, I need to do more and, but the more is not really helping, you know, that's a trigger in itself telling you, you know, there's something not right here.

It's kind of waking you up to say, I might need to do something. So, I might need to change the way I look at this. And I think that's like your inner self, your inner genius speaking to you that you do need to be more aware of what's going on in the role that you're playing to create that.

And so, it's a call to take some sort of action, like get a coach or, start working with

the models. And I think you mentioned it too. It's the awareness and then does it need to be an action or does it need to be just sitting in your restlessness, right? Because I think for me, I was always wired to action.

That's what got me into my stuckness. And then I'll just be very honest. I got into almost an addictive survival mode mentality with that. Like I've got to be doing more and I couldn't even sit still on the weekends. Like I had to be doing something in my house and I had to be planning for the next.

Two months of my son's school, it's just this, once you get into it, it kind of feeds on itself and that does not feel good. That's that numb, I've got to take action to feel alive and it's when you get that stuck, you go into binary thinking. Well, if I'm not this busy, then if I stop, I will become a complete slug on the floor and I don't want that to happen.

But it's like, there's not in between. It's like, I'm either going to be super busy or a slug. And I believed that in that stress state. It feels really true because you're on such high cortisol. And I say this, I'm like, some of this stuff is not character flaw, it's cortisol because we don't know that we're in our own way.

And then if someone were to gently bring that up to us, we're very sensitive in that state and we're going to treat it as rejection and behave as such, unless we're seeking out the help. And that's where me falling into coaching became my solution. I don't know that I would have figured that out on my own.

And I'm just, I'm so glad that now I know what that option is, and I know what's available. I wish I met you four years ago, Barb.

We could have long coffee talks.

It's very interesting, Barb, what you're saying because the way you can explain it very well is because you've been through it.

It's more like we can see it only in the hindsight.

Totally true. When we are in it, it's really hard.

And I bet most women who come to you or come for seeking for help or other coaches is because they're already like there's nothing else to like there's nothing else, they can do.

And. It's just brought up on very important topics of, like you said about self-awareness.

And I think self-awareness is also means being honest with ourselves, my question to you. I guess this is more about, your journey also the way you help people.

Let's already know that that's my problem. I can see it on the hand side. And I'm very interested in what you said about, sometimes we can do something, or we can just sit with our restlessness.

I think the hardest part of sitting with

our restlessness is because we think if we're not doing something, we nobody. For women who already aware about, oh my God, I'm, working too much.

I have bias myself. I'm honest. And I know it's. It is not out there. The stress is in me. And then facing those realities were sitting with the restlessness. Do you have any tips on it?

 It's hard and it's necessary. I liken it to if you were to want to lose weight, right?

You have to be willing. No one can force you to lose weight if you don't want to. But if you do, that is going to be a slow, consistent, small, in the moment decision making process. That is not immediate gratification, but over time as you do those small consistent actions, right, that, that are uncomfortable and, you know, you're sweating all the time and you're complaining or whatever.

And then all of a sudden, your genes fit better, or whatever it is for you, and you're like, oh, well, maybe I want to keep doing this, right, because I'm seeing the different outcomes. It's not a quick fix to observe, stay aware, and then just sit in it. And that's the other thing that I love teaching in, you know, individuals that it's compassion.

I mean, one of the first tools is curiosity. Observe where this is happening and how often and it's predictable and you're seeing it, right? And that can be hard. https: otter. ai You've been using that other tool for so long, everything else feels new and gross. And the more you do it, the more you build that muscle because you had overcompensated the other muscle, right?

That one's, it's fine. You've got to build a compassion muscle to say, man, I'm doing this because I need something right now. And I don't know what that is. But I'm going to keep working this time, or I'm going to, I'm going to blow up, you know, because sometimes go to anger, or I'm going to shut down. Right.

I'm doing that thing again. But it's because I'm human and I have needs and I'm probably feeling vulnerable. That's okay too. which takes me into the needs part of it. I've used a ton of assessments in corporate and they're great at telling you, on a productivity scale, here are all your strengths and here's where they can be put to good use.

And you're probably better at accounting than this or whatever it is. But the, the one that I had not yet been exposed to until I went through my coaching certification was the Enneagram. And I don't love the name of it, Enneagram, but it's Greek. It stands for nine, a model of nine types. Ennea is nine, gram is model.

This one for me was the most efficient way to get to, yeah, but what are your specific needs? And why are you using all of these other skills or strengths to try to get those needs met? So, it's very vulnerable. I'll give you an example from my experience. There are nine total types. One of which is Type 3, which is also called the Achiever.

And so, when I read about this type, it loves to set goals, it loves nothing more than accomplishing a heroic task. It's like, work is fun for threes. So, when they say, are you having fun at work? They're like, why would you not have fun at work? Work is so much fun. Who are these other people? They don't need to be turned on.

They're self-motivated. If you give them the task, they're going to get it done and they're going to try to get it done as fast as possible. So, if you've got another type that values quality and detail, they're working with a three, there could be some conversations they have to have because the three got it done, but it may not have met all of the quality standard.

So, I'm reading this and I'm like, yeah, that's exactly me. And then I started going a little bit deeper into, okay, but the threes in the heart center, I'm like, okay, what does that mean? So, threes are actually very sensitive souls. But they have trained themselves to set emotions aside to get the job done.

So, I look back and I'm like, well, absolutely, there's no crying in farming. So, if there's a job to do, even if I feel bad about it or whatever, I'll set all that aside and keep working. So that made sense. But I also know there's other people out there like me. Okay, we all do this. Then I got a layer deeper, and it said the heart center really needs to know that they're significant in some way.

That's what's driving the heart center. Please tell me that you see me and please tell me that I'm enough in some way. And so, I was like, you mean other types don't think that way? Of course. And then they went a layer deeper, and they said, because threes ultimately have this core fear that they're never enough.

So, they work their butts off to try to overcome that core fear rather than looking at it for what it is and saying am I truly nothing if I'm not working? Is that true? And I remember the first I looked at a woman I said if I'm not doing something who am I and she's like, what's your answer to that question?

I'm like, I don't have one and I was just like listening to myself say it out loud but then I knew how deeply true that felt to me and I was but now I'm believing a lie I'm, I'm literally living a lie, but corporate America is great at letting us work as hard as we want to, right? So now it's being perpetuated and promoted by my stress.

And no wonder I got to where I was. So, what I need is to know that I'm making a difference. So, learning and development roles were great for me. But now I need to know that I'm making a difference for people who want to do this type of work. And let me come with you on your journey because I have energy to burn to have these conversations all day long.

As hard as they are. I don't need you to just be productive and polished. I want you to be a whole person. Thank you for sharing that story. That totally made it real for me. Just that one example of using Enneagram.

It's my favorite, but you know, some people aren't ready, willing, or able.

It can be a lot of information.

So, when I do get to use that tool with, with people who are like, let's, let's cut to the core. This is what I've been running from. And I'm like, but guess what? You're not alone. I mean, this model has been around forever. These types are going to be around forever. Why don't we just get real and authentic and, and uncomfortable, but really strong at the same time.

So, if somebody is not ready to go that deep, right. And they just have an awareness that they're stuck or there. Stressed, what's a good way to start? What's a good first step for somebody to take? If, you know, think about not everybody can get a coach, not everybody will get access to that Enneagram right away.

Like, so what's a good first step somebody could take towards, feeling better. I definitely recommend assessments with the language. So, on my website and I'll send you the link. I have an entire page of every awareness assessment I've ever taken. It's quite lengthy because, I overdo things.

But I, definitely recommend the free version of the DISC assessment, because it really helps you understand which one is your highest, because you're also going to go there under stress. So now at least you just have a language for it. No wonder I do these things. And I, will never be the style opposite me.

That's not possible. But they're going through their own journey too, right? So now I don't have to fight them, I just have to understand how I show up in response to them. But now at least I have a language. So, DISC is one Strengths. If you can't do Clifton StrengthsFinders, which is the paid version, there's a free version on my site.

Again, you just go, okay, there's upwards of 18 different characteristics and I'm these fives. So how do I just use these better and healthier to get renewable energy versus exhaustion energy? And then I help people see, okay, this one's up too high because now you're raging against everyone else and you're blaming them for not working as hard as you, but

you're feeling insignificant, if I was talking to a group, or two. You're not feeling needed or appreciated. But if that's what you need and work isn't going to give you that, where else can you get so that you can turn it down at work and still get what you need. And

that,

that's Beautiful because that can lead you.

So, if you do find balance between work and professional with your strengths., Then you can possibly be working towards your purpose, right? You can live your purpose. You can do what you find passionate, which then fuels you to do better at

work.

Right? And the whole journey, just having such compassion for yourself, if you're doing things that are unbecoming, right? You know, you're doing them. You're not doing them from a place of meanness or you're doing them for a reason, and the reason is you're trying to get your needs met, but you can't articulate that right away. And all of us are doing it in a certain way.

So. The fact that if we were to be meeting, I know that you want to work in this area, and I know it's going to be hard and that's okay. Just give it the time it needs because that's us efficient people literally want to have it done in three sessions or less. I'm also a farm girl. So, I said, if you plant the corn in March and you want to harvest it in April, like good luck because the corn is not going to move and be faster than the corn is going to move. And that is also true productive, overly efficient person. The corporate gives us this mindset of everything can move that fast and that's not true when it comes to your internal self. I love your

metaphor. I think that's great. And I think one thing that that I felt from this conversation that what you bring is that compassion, or you know some people say self-love or self-care.

 I think it's all come from self-understanding when we understand what happened when we understand who we are, what our strength, our weakness, how it kind of connected. I think it's easier, or we can automatically become more compassion because we understand how it works and we know it's not our fault.

It's just the way it works. And I want to bring up something about what you mentioned about Enneagram as well, that the assessment is great because it gives us the language to describe ourselves or to give pictures that we not aware of. But what you're saying about, the heart center is there is something inside us that needs something that creates these personalities of wanting to work hard.

And if we able to be self-aware and see what We truly need insight, then instead of looking outside, finding a placement or appreciations, we can start doing it to ourselves first. And I think that's the work that a journey to return back to give what we need rather than waiting. Others give it to us.

And I also like the way you mentioned that, you know, we are so We have this bias of instant something doing some gratification. Yeah. And productive. but if we can see, we are also part of nature,

like, like the corn. Yeah.

And yeah, I love,

I love what you bring to our conversation today.

You mentioned something that made me think of another level and I just want to mention it.

I'm not an expert in this area, but I also have some lived experience here as well. So, when I see someone that the behaviors are really extreme or really intense, whether they're people pleasing, they can't say no, like they don't understand that it's a yes, all the time. They come to me saying, how do I, please more people and like eventually we'll have a different conversation, but let's start here.

or for me, it was, I, how can I work harder to make myself feel better or whatever it was. The more intense the response, the stress response, it’s still following a predictable pattern, but the more intense it is, it could be an indicator of unresolved trauma from childhood. And so that could also, because that locks and loads those patterns early on when you don't have a language, you don't feel safe, you know, whatever's going on in your life

and then it almost makes you think I need more of that as an adult, and you'll subconsciously then just naturally overuse your strengths because you're still not feeling safe or supported or significant or whatever it was. And again, from a self-awareness standpoint, that can be really hard to face as you're pulling apart this and going, you mean this stems all the way back from childhood.

Oh my gosh. And I again want to help people understand there is no shame in this game. You're being a human and you are not getting the results that you want. You want to be seen. You want to have connection and it starts with yourself and accepting all the parts of yourself that are doing their darndest to keep you going.

And then some of them are just, they need a vacation, right? They're just, thanks catalysts. I see you. And I actually want to relax this weekend on the couch and not feel guilty or shame myself into believing that I have to be doing 10 other things. I just want to read a book in front of the fire because.

That's why I have this house. It does not happen overnight to want it and to get there, but the more that you can even understand what's driving all of these behaviors, the more that you realize, I do have more control than I think I was just pouring it all into this one thing that generally I'm getting paid to do.

I just got out of balance. So, one

trigger, I think that we all should just be aware of is the stress trigger, right? The minute that we feel stress. Stop. Right,

Get curious. Get curious. Yeah. Get curious. Yeah. Like, okay, I'm a hammer. Is that a nail? Is, is that a nail? Or do they need needle nose pliers? Or maybe a screwdriver, like maybe I can just relax or not jump in

Yeah. Or to your example, like, I planted the corn. Why isn't it done?

Why is my teenager still not cleaning up his room when I, oh my gosh. Again.

Okay. So that's, That's really good insight.

Thank you. Thank you again for the opportunity to share all of this. I think one of the questions, what are some of the quick hit solutions?

You know, if I'm on my journey, I don't want to meet with a coach, but I'm stressed. What do I do? For me, a couple of things that I've just in the moment, I've had to just stop the cortisol and ask a question. So, there are two questions I hold in my back pocket. Number one, I'm feeling the stress. I'm, I'm feeling that intensity.

I'm, I'm just getting aggressive, and I want to take action. That's when I know my D is coming out and the D disc profile loves control. What they really love is autonomy. They're very self-sufficient types. So, chances are I'm feeling like someone's stepping on my turf. And I don't like that feeling. So, the question I have to ask right then in that moment, what do I want more right now?

What are my needs? Control or connection. Control or connection. Control or connection. And if I can honestly answer myself in that moment, chances are more often than not, I want connection, but my aggressive side will come out and get in the way because it's trying to protect me. So, if I want connection more, and especially as a parent, or a spouse, I will not say the thing that I was desperately wanting to say under stress.

Or I will not use the passive aggressive sarcasm that I was, oh, that would have been a good one, but it would have come at a cost. It would have come at the cost of connection. If I'm a leader in an organization and things aren't moving fast enough, do I want control or connection? Because I'm a leader, I can have, I can have control easy.

But if connection means I need to give them more time to show up at their best, then that's what I need to do to have connection. So, controller connection was a big one I still use to this day, in traffic even. You know, you never know when it's going to pop up. The other one that I've had to use is What do I want more right now?

Do I want to be efficient? Or do I want to be effective? Because if I want to be efficient, same thing. I'm just going to barrel through, get it done, immediate gratification. There are times when that's fine. If I want to be effective, I may need to pull back. I may need to Especially with emotional conversations, not expect it to be resolved in one conversation alone.

Allow it the time it needs to, to be the corn and that's being effective, and I want that too. So, I will slow myself down to have those results. Even though I really want to be efficient. That's okay. And I want to be effective. Well, those are the two I've used and the people that I coached, they love those because in the moment it can stop your cortisol.

That's beautiful. And I love the distinction and you brought it up. And it's your fault.

There are two things that are always true, blame Barb and back to Barb.

It's the efficient and effectiveness. They're not always the same.

They can be competing priorities.

Totally. It's just like, otherwise it feels the same, but they're not with your beautiful examples.

Is there anything else you want to share with the audience? before we wrapped up.

Yeah. I laughed because I would have told you five years ago. I cannot believe I'm here talking this vulnerably because this was not me five years ago. I was also a robot five years ago. I was polite. I was diplomatic, but I was numb and just going through the motions. So, the fact that I can turn my story into, you know, supporting someone else. I, this is, I can't believe I get to do this. So, I just want you to hear if you're feeling like I was five years ago.

And there's times I continue to cycle through it, right? It doesn't just go away, but you recognize it sooner and can work through it faster. there’s help and support for you. You are not alone. You were not intended to live that exhaustively. Right, even if you're productive. And if we were to work together, you are still going to be just as productive.

That will never go away. And on Overdrive, it's still not useful. So how can we find some language and some things that work for you based on your scores. Well, thank you for the opportunity.

And we're going to share all the resources that you have, Barb, in the show notes for everybody so everybody can grab them there.

But let's do a quick wrap up and we like to always end with our lightning round of questions. Oh boy. Okay. Ready for those. Let's do it. So, Barb, where do you go for inspiration?

I'm a reader. I, consider like researchers and doctors and scientists, people I just haven't met yet. So, I go to them and figure out how the brain works and how our, how we react to things, and then I just, I love knowing that because it just makes me feel.

Awesome. What is one habit you adopted that has greatly improved your career?

This goes back to my strength as catalyst, but I also know that I need to delegate. So, I've learned to ask for help where I'm not strong and not see it as a weakness. It's just, this is a natural area of delegation. So, I do not do my own accounting. I love my accountant.

What is

one thing that keeps you moving forward.

each day?

Literally the potential to make an impact. I knew that that's who I am and that would get me out of bed every morning, even if it's hard, especially when it's hard. But that's what gets me up. And what is the most valuable piece of advice you ever received?

Oh, this is good. I was young, I want to say preteen, 11, 12.

I was a worrier about what other people thought about me. I would spend a lot of time, taking that one thing they said and doing over it for two days and then coming back and apologizing. And they're like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, I just want to be a good friend. You know, I was so worried about other people's perception.

And I don't remember who said it, but they said, Barb other people do not think about you as much as you think they do. Okay. And on one hand that could feel very dismissive, right? Like you're not important, but it was so freeing for me because I was like, is that true? And like I would go to people and they'd be like, Barb, I didn't give it a second thought.

I don't even remember you saying it. I'm like, it is true. So that freed up a ton of time for me not to have to worry that much about what other people thought. I'm so glad I learned that early on because the people that I coached, it can be a lifetime struggle and I'm not judging.

Yeah,

that's really good advice. Whoever gave it to you.

Thank you. Yeah, I think they saw me in the heart center and they're like, I know you want authentic connection you can't have it with everyone.

Awesome. So, Christine, do you want to close.

Yeah, I hope you all enjoy the conversation as we, Laura and I enjoy conversation with Barb.

There are so many insights that come up and I love that you give a lot of examples and thank you for being here with us and see you next time everyone and hope you follow us and like our podcast.

Bye for now.

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