84. When Your Husband is a Genius

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started.

 And we are live. Welcome to the connected for real podcast. I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. And today we are going to be talking about really smart husbands. What if your husband is a genius? But before we start, I just want to tell you, this episode is brought to you by my one on one private mentorship.

I. Opened six spots for one on one coaching and I am now down to two spots left. Yay! So, if you are interested in getting coached for three months, really It's intense, but it's also not that time consuming. Okay? And the results are amazing because our goal is to get you to become the person that you're being called to become and to do it in a win win situation where nobody else has to pay a price for you becoming who you need to be, right?

So sometimes we think, Oh, if I really lean into my business, or if I lean into my gift, or if I lean into this thing, that's, you know, calling me, then someone else is going to have to pay a price. Maybe my kids are going to have less of. a mother, maybe my husband's going to less have less of a wife.

Maybe I'm going to, you know, weaken some other part of my life. And so our fear in our brain, because your brain is going to be your brain, right? And it's going to act like a brain is going to send you all these fears, like, no, don't do it. It's not safe. Let's just stay in the cave. And we want to do it, but do it smart, do it with intention.

and see yourself really developing all the skills you need in order to make it really done really well, right? Like intentionally and with purpose. Okay. So if you're interested, let me know. You can find a link below this video, or if you just send me an email, you're welcome to come and chat and we can get started.

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And all that you get for 2, 500. So if you were interested, let's talk, let's do it. Okay. So we're going to get into today's episode and it's actually a really interesting one. And of course, you know, me, I don't shy away from giving you a little bit of a sneak into my own life because I feel like it's really important.

First of all, for you to know that I'm a real person. And second of all, because. Sometimes it makes other people feel seen and heard when they realize they're not alone. And I think it was really important for me to realize that. And I think it's just as important for me to share so that you can realize that about your own life.

So when we were newly married, One of my husband's colleagues said to him on the bus when we were on a trip or something you're a mediocre genius, you're smart, smarter than everyone here, you know, more, you're able to see farther and wider and You can explain things that are really complicated in very simple ways, but you're not smart enough to be one of those like genius geniuses.

And that's what makes you feel so stuck because you're like right on the edge of genius and, you know, smarter than everyone else. So he called him a mediocre genius, which I thought was hysterical. My husband is definitely very smart. His strengths are that he's able to see big picture and his view is very wide.

And he's also able to really get into the details and know very, very detailed information. So, you know, in Hebrew, dik duk, what, how do you say that? Grammar, I guess, Hebrew grammar. He's like. You know, an expert. So people send him questions by like, is it one dot or two dots? Is it here? Or is it there?

You know, is it, it's like so crazy things that you and I are going to be like, why are they even caring?

And it's because yes, some people do care and because it does matter. And there are people who know it. So it always makes me, you know. When I think of how different we are, that he's so detail oriented, but also big picture and history viewer, right? Like, not just big picture in this way, but also he sees.

All of history in a different way than everyone else. And then the other thing that came up throughout our journey is that we had our, I won't tell you which one, so not to call them out, but we have four girls first. And one of those girls was very early on, very smart. You know, they knew they were like, okay.

And. We didn't really diagnose her. It was just like, whatever, you could tell. Eventually she got into the gifted program in school because she just and it was, you know, it was really, it was really excelling. So one of the teachers there was explaining, you know, and the orientation of the program for the gifted kids, what they did was they took them away from school for one full day and created a special program for them.

And during that day, they would miss school. So they'd still have to make it up, but they would also have all this enrichment and different. experiences that would build them to become the leaders and I guess the, you know, the people that they could be. And I loved how in the orientation, she said that from their experience, and you know, this has been studied, that gifted children are very much in their head.

And so there is a disconnect between head and heart, and that sometimes will become a problem, you know, especially in the younger ages, but also throughout your life, you're going to be a lot more into knowledge and facts and things that you can judge with your head and with logic, and you're going to have a little bit more of a difficult time With the emotions and the heart and the picking up on the different nuances and things like that.

Now, this is totally generalizing and I think that there's very much a spectrum in this and it doesn't necessarily, you know, all or nothing, a hundred percent not. But what she said next was really powerful. She said, what we want to do is bring them here. To first of all, meet each other and create connections.

And second of all, to give them skills for leadership, so if you're the smartest in the class and for you, it's easy instead of being like, nah, nah, I am smarter. And, you know, go jump in the lake. You are learning to lead and help and, sort of create. more assistance for the others. They want to empower these, growing Children to become adults that can think in a way that is actually going to be of service to the world and to themselves, right?

Because when you can give of yourself and you can become that person. that isn't just in their own head all the time, then it will help you with the other skills. So I thought that was really interesting. Another thing that she said was that not only do they give them enrichment in learning cool things, like, you know, they learned medicine one time, one semester, and they learned like advanced math and all these different like build your own robotics or whatever, like they had some really cool classes that you wouldn't have in school, but they also gave them theater.

And I think it was make a movie making and radio. And clowning, you know, like a medical clown, and they learned how to play around more with the emotional side and really express themselves differently, things like that. So that was really fun for me as a parent to watch how intentional the educational system is with these gifted children.

Okay, so all this to say why I picked today's topic is because I think it's extremely important for us as wives of geniuses And if your husband's a genius, then you know what I'm talking about These are men who are smart They're knowledgeable. They're opinionated. They are also kind and caring, and

they tend to be risk averse because they see the risk farther and wider than most people see it, and they have a hard time finding their, you know, dream job or their position or like where they fit into the system because they're just overqualified. So a lot of them end up feeling really bad about themselves and they don't know why it's just not working out because they were told that.

If you do all these degrees, and if you do all these things, and if you advance, and if you get farther, and you will be farther, and then they get to real life, and they realize something's not right. And that's a very hard thing to deal with within a marriage. And I think it's really interesting how we've dealt with it, and also how I help my clients deal with it.

So I'm going to talk a little bit about that today. If you are watching live and you want to come say hi in the comments, you can, wave or say hi. And you can also ask questions and I will address them live. So that would be really fun. And if you're listening to the podcast and you're like, I want to be live, just come follow me.

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So how do you deal with this? How do you deal with

the husband who is, on one hand, super smart, super knowledgeable, super opinionated and also critical. And thinks that he needs to point out everything that's wrong and doesn't notice what's right because it's working. So why notice it? And, you know, maybe won't open his own thing because that's too risky, but then we'll start doing things because they sort of like pushed on him or he's pushed into a corner.

I've found that a lot of really smart guys will. Finally go live on YouTube or finally speak up in different ways because they feel like it sort of fell on them, but it's not, it's not something that they're sitting around being like, Ooh, I want to start my own business. I'm going to be an entrepreneur.

I don't know. I don't know that many people who are in that. you know, really smart category who want to take that risk, want to go on their own and, you know, have to do everything. And, oh, I don't know. I don't know who blah, blah, blah. Right. It's like all the self talk comes in and, and takes over. And the most frustrating thing is that people tell you they have potential or, you know, it's such a.

Such a how do you say that? Such a chaval. Such a shame that they're not doing more because they have so much potential and blah, blah, blah. It's like, really? Ah, so helpful. The other thing that's super helpful is labeling them as socially awkward. I think that's the meanest thing you could do to a person.

Because it takes away their ability to change. It takes away their ability to learn, right? It's just about skills. It it's just mean. So we work a lot in our coaching to dismantle any of the labels that have creeped in and are getting in the way. They're not serving you. They're definitely not serving you in your marriage.

So this is something that's really interesting. And we go into a lot. So here's the two things that I want you to know. Number one is that all men are programmed to provide and protect. And most of these really smart guys. are very committed to providing and protecting for their wife and their children and they're very hard on themselves because they want to be really good at it because that's what they do in life.

They're just really good at everything. So they want to be super successful. They want to make sure that they are, you know, up there and the top percentile of provide and protect. And their wife has to be the happiest woman in the world. Now, what happens is that while they're trying to provide and protect and make their wife happy, they don't necessarily know how.

Because there is no book about it. There's no way to learn it. There's nothing that tells you like rule number one and then follow rule number two until you get to the happy wife thing. It's something that they have to figure out on their own. And that's where the skills are really. difficult because nobody has taught any of the men, honestly, how to figure it out.

Now, the cool thing is as women, we have the ability to communicate, you know, verbally or non verbally what we like and what makes us happy. So the great thing about having a genius husband is that they are very quick learners. So maybe in other marriages, We see, when I'm working with clients, I see that it takes a while for the husband to join the party, right?

Like the woman's working on herself. She's becoming more and more intentional. She's becoming more and more herself and more comfortable with herself and really leaning into her own identity and who she wants to be. And then eventually he starts to join. And usually we see it around like three, four months is when it starts to really hit when the husband's like excited about it.

He's like, Oh, tell me more about this. Whatever. Right. Like it wakes them up. The genius husbands. Join much faster and they learn much faster and they enjoy the results much quicker because they're very quick learners. So this is very good for you because it means that if you're following the, you know, the calm method and the systems that we teach.

What's happening is that you're modeling and communicating the things that make you happy and the ways that you enjoy doing things and how you like to be spoken to and all these different ways that we learn. And then your husband just picks up on it and is able to now Make you happy. So if his goal and the way that he judges himself is how happy his wife is and Then you go and start becoming happy and give him, almost like subconsciously By modeling and by just Being who you are and how you are the tools and the skills that he needs in order to make you happy then you're basically becoming happy and giving him credit for it.

He's making you happy and return and feeling really good about himself. Your marriage is getting really awesome. You're getting a lot more connection and. intimacy, both physical and emotional. And I love seeing specifically the genius husband couples that suddenly have these like emotional intimacy moments.

And they're like, I didn't think he was capable of that. And yes, they are capable. They're 100 percent capable. They just need to know what to do. They just need you to be the one to lead. And the problem is that we're sitting around being like, I just need him to tell me how to do it. Right? Like, I just need him to make me happy.

So we're, you know, we're stuck in this limbo because everybody is not sure what to do. This is why I only work with women. I don't think that the husband has to be involved in the work and that's very intentional. It's because first of all, husbands don't need me. They love that they're off the hook. A lot of the husbands have told me that it makes them really happy that they.

Can just disconnect from the from the process and still enjoy the benefits and they then look back and realize that they were affected by it even without doing any of the work. So that's actually really fun for them. I do want to tell you there are a couple of husband testimonials and if you're one of my clients and you can get your husband to send a testimonial, that would be.

So awesome because husband testimonials are so powerful because they really pinpoint what is the result and how amazing all of this work is. Okay. So I highly encourage you to get your husband to send a voice note or just a written testimonial of how they experienced your work with me. That that's really fun.

And so I'll tell you the ones that have sent in things say that they're really excited that they didn't have to do anything. They weren't called into the principal's office because they were, you know, not doing a good job. They felt very comfortable that they were just respected and left alone. And that's really important.

Number two is I believe that husbands. You know, in the book men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. He speaks about how men go into their man cave and they process things and they come out when they're ready. And then they have the answer women, they need other people and they bounce their ideas off of people and they collect information and then they go in and.

put the pieces together. We work so differently from each other that putting you in the same room and saying, here are the skills is going to be such a mistake because you have completely different skill sets that you need to learn. And the good news is that as we said, your husband doesn't need to learn them from me.

He needs to learn them from himself by picking up what you like. So he's going to figure it out on his own because he's able to. Put the pieces together himself. And so all you have to do is give information, give data, throw pieces of puzzles at him and he will figure it out. And it's really magical and it works every time.

Okay? So I want you to start to think about this. Start to really brew with it and think where you can. Let go of having to like, almost force him to know what to do and tell him what to do and just like, you know, this grabby, grabbiness. And just let that go and make yourself happy. Just allow yourself to be happy.

Learn to receive. Open up. Become more of a vessel. Because that's what we are as women and allow the love that is coming in to come in and, you know, really hold it and, and cherish it. So those are the really important skills that I want you to learn right now on the fly. I can't teach you everything, but this is something that's really, really important.

And I want you to start to think about this.

Women. The wives of very smart men want to support their husbands and they do a lot to accommodate their husbands because they know that the potential is there. They marry them for a reason. They see. Right. A lot of us are very wise, smart husbands usually get wise wives. Okay. I don't know. It must be a God thing that he sits around like making connections like that.

But I've seen it as a pattern where you have really high level couples. The husband's very smart in his head and the woman's very wise in her heart. And when they work together, they're really powerful. But a lot of the times it clashes because they don't have the way to make that really fit in. And then it feels like criticism and it feels like things aren't right.

And it feels like you only see the bad and not the good. And you're always picking on me. And why is it so hard? And why is it so overwhelming? It's why is everything on me? Why am I feeling so alone? Why am I feeling like I'm the only one doing the work? All that stuff can come up and. So we think that the best way is to just accommodate and get things and like, do it the right way and try to finally get it right.

I know I've been there. But really what your husband needs is for you to believe in yourself, to believe in him and to believe in the process. Okay, so belief is really, really important. You need patience. I know, I hate it too. I don't like waiting for anything. I am a very nice person, super patient with other people, but not with processes, right?

I'm learning. slowly through life, that it takes time and that things have to really grow in you. And then they can come out, especially with the pregnancies. I've learned to have patients, not that it helps much because, you know, you don't control it anyway. But it's like, I want clients now, I want money now, I want, you know, results now.

And you're learning slowly but surely through life and through reality that patience is a really helpful skill to have. And the way to tap into that patience is through belief, right? So first of all, believing in God, because he put you here, he knows exactly what he's doing. And he is. orchestrating everything perfectly so that everything is exact.

And I love that because I can lean on that and be like, okay, God, you know, better. I guess, you know, when the right time is, I guess, you know what the right thing is. I'm just here for it. Right. And I sort of let it go. It's not on me anymore. Sort of like I'm doing this to my shoulders because I feel like a lot of times I tense up and I try to hold up the world.

So believing in God and believing in His belief in us, right? If you put me here, it must be for a reason. If you put me with this guy, it must be for a reason. And I'm going to figure out how I can best support and best be there for him. And the next thing is that because we want so badly to be a support.

And there for him, right? Because we see the potential. We see the, the giganticism. I made up that word of our husband. We also have to prioritize ourselves. And this is something that comes very hard for a lot of us. Super hard. Why is it so hard? Because we are so busy prioritizing his needs and prioritizing making him happy and prioritizing making sure that he is supported that we forget that we sort of matter.

And if we don't take care of ourselves, we're going to end up paying price. Okay. So when you prioritize yourself and you can be your best self, then you can support him in such a more impactful way that will make such a difference. And like we said before, you've just become your better self. You've just become the next version of yourself, and that will automatically pull him up with you and allow him to This is the most cool thing in the world.

I left the door open so the light is really beautiful in my face for you guys. And a hummingbird came in and he's trying to find the window, but the window has a screen. And I hope he understands that the door is over there, but he's so beautiful. I had to stop and just take a deep breath. Such a gorgeous bird.

That was cool. I think he left. Well I never thought I was going to do that live on a podcast, but that was really exciting. That made me happy. Yay! Whew! Okay. I, I, I hope you can see my big smile if you're live. That was the coolest thing ever.

And if you're listening, just imagine, I'm just really smiling from ear to ear. I love it. It makes me feel so good. Okay.

So let's pull it all together and wrap it up in a beautiful bow. I want you to realize that even if you're thinking right now, God, why am I stuck with this guy? What is wrong with him? Why is he blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and the whole story in your head is going in loops and in replays, I want you to realize that it doesn't have to be that way. And there definitely is something better. There's definitely something better out there. You just have to learn to change the beliefs and change the thoughts and change the patterns and break the loops and lean into a new Becoming of yourself, you know, just allow yourself to commit to becoming that person you want to be.

And with that, I'm welcoming you and inviting you into my one on one private coaching. It's one of the coolest things that I've done recently. For a long time. If you guys have been following, I only had groups. I only had masterminds and they were really, really powerful. And I decided to go back to one on ones just for now.

You know, very limited amount because of capacity and because thank God I'm still running my mastermind and there's still all the other stuff going on, but I just felt like. This was exactly what I needed to do and what I was called to do. And so I invite you to come and contact me and work with me.

It's three months. It's an amazing experience. You get access to all of the curriculum. You get access to anything you need. If you need something, you write me on WhatsApp and you get one on one sessions, which are really powerful. I think every single person ended the session saying, Oh my god, I did not expect this direction.

Like I did not expect us to be talking about this and that's because you can come in thinking that I want to improve my intimacy And then end up talking about something completely different that is super affecting your intimacy and Our goal is to find the core, you know, I'm not I'm a very deep person.

And for me, it's very hard to stay shallow. So we can focus on all the symptoms and know that those are, you know, that those are the results we want. But in order to get them very quickly and very efficiently. the best way is to go down to the core and really find that root issue that needs to be addressed and then suddenly everything else sort of falls into place and it's the most awesome thing to watch.

I love it. It fills me up to no end and my clients are super happy. If you would like There is a document about it, all, all about the one on ones. You're welcome to request it. You can send me an email, advice@connectedforreal.com and I bless us all that we should have peace in our homes and in the world.

We should have health and happiness and big smiles on our faces and just love our lives and be present. And we should merit to dance together and be happy together and serve God together with joy. I love you all. Don't forget to stay connected for real and I'll see you next week.

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