86. What's on Your Plate?

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

  And we are live. Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, and I'm a marriage coach for women in business.  I love that intersection between marriage and business and how they affect each other in that interaction. And today we're also going to be talking about. Other things that affect both marriage and business and you as a whole And today with me is reena cohen reena. Tell everyone what you do who you are why you're so cool  Hi, everyone. I'm, so so honored and so happy to be here. So as Rebbetzin Bat-Chen said i am a Hi, my name is Rena Cohen and I am a registered dietitian. I actually live in Canada, so it's like middle of the afternoon for me. And I've been a dietitian now for a long time, like over 18 years. And what I've realized kind of in the people that I like to work with is really focusing on like, yes, you want to lose weight and kind of like change the way you look, but really empowering women and particularly Jewish women who I find have, there's a lot more guilt or it's a lot harder to focus on yourself and really. empowering women to focus on themselves so they can, it's okay to prioritize yourself and make sure that you're giving yourself time for self care and improving who you are. And that comes from, you know, the foods you choose, the decisions you make in your day to day life so that you can show up better in your marriage, in your business, in your day to day life with your kids. And so  eating healthy and promoting a healthy lifestyle is so much more than You know, just weight loss. I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to look better, but it's really about like nourishing your body from the inside so that you can really feel amazing and feel so much better equipped to take on the challenges of like, you know, day to day life. Cause there's so many of them like whether you're working or. Stay at home mom, there's so many challenges. And if your body is, you know, running on empty, it's going to be really hard to be able to get on top of those things and to, you know, feel positive about the work that you're doing on a day to day basis. So that's sort of, you know, my goal, yes, I have, you know, a huge background in nutrition and a passion for nutrition. And a lot of it does come down to nutrition, but really helping people realize the power. of nutrition and not only just to like always be in a calorie deficit and trying to lose weight and push the scale down and push the scale down, but really giving your body the nutrients and the fuel that it needs so that you can be the very best version of yourself like almost all the time. And it's like once you get there and you're able to kind of ,people don't realize I think  people don't realize how how drained and how low energy and kind of like low You know zest for life they may have had until they see the opposite and they're like, oh my gosh, I was really Running on empty for way too long and spread so thin and like once you see the alternative right? You're like this is this is what I want Like I kind of want to stay in this place and feel You know different and feel so much better and then you recognize and look back be like I really didn't feel so great before So it's so powerful, nutrition and health and like prioritizing you and, and figuring out what you as a person need and, and recognizing all of that. It's like a, it's such an amazing, transformative journey.  I love that. You know, I remember one time, I think I was pregnant.  And somebody asked me like, how are you? And I was like, listen, my soul is like running forward. My body is trying to catch up and I'm having a really hard time with the conflicts because like, here I am, I want to get there already. And my body is like so slow.  And, and I totally relate to what you're saying. Sometimes you're on such a,  you know, different rhythm. than your body is, and that feels really frustrating. Yes. And it's also very easy to get caught up with like the busyness and the hecticness of the day to day life. And like, I work with people who are Jewish and not Jewish, and I think everyone has, you know, their struggles and stress. But I find specifically like, you know, being from is, is amazing. But yet, we have like Shabbos every week, and Yentif, and then there's weddings, and there's bar mitzvahs, and bat mitzvahs. And like, most of it, I mean, never mind, you know, well, what, what the stress of kind of, other stuff that's, that's going on right now, especially in Israel. But like just the, the day to day in the week to week, hechnicness can really like get you stuck on that wheel. That just, it's like so hard to get off because you're constantly just moving from one day to the next and just trying to get by and just trying to get through the week and just trying to get, I mean, I was like that, just trying to get to Shabbos, you can have one day of rest, but then the week starts again. And so without like purposely making time for that, Pause and that like slowing down of what your, your mind and your body needs, it's not going to happen. And that's exactly it. You get very caught up in like, no, there's no way I can slow down. I can't do any less than what I'm doing now because everyone needs me. But like the person who really needs you is you. And  you have to  stop and pay attention to that, to be able to make some changes. And it's hard. It's really not easy.  I love it. So when women work with you, what is your focus?  How do you start? What are the phases?  How do you get them out of the mud? Like I call that the mud, you know,  When with my women, you know, we start in the mud, we're like shame and blame and frustration and anxiety and, you know, anger and all this, like it's his fault and whatever, right? Like that, that's all mud, like lowest level of consciousness possible. Right. And then slowly we get out of that and we start seeing things and we start breathing and we start, you know, sort of like. It's different up there, you know, it feels really nice. So how do you, how do you sort of put it into your words?  So what's interesting is like, I mean, yes, people come to me for weight loss because, you know, I market myself as a dietitian and I focus on nutrition. So we kind of start from the nutrition perspective. And so. Yes, many people are like, I want to lose weight. I want to have more energy. I want to change my, the way I look, or maybe I have, you know, a health risk or some kind of like disease risk that I want to change. So they, we definitely kind of start with the nutrition principles and it might be either people who are like, I need to lose a lot of weight. Or other people who are like, I'm very tired. Like I have one person who's working with me now who's like, I'm tired of constantly being on a diet and I'm tired of constantly watching what I'm eating. So it could be kind of from either extreme. And once we delve into the, the food. Beliefs and the principles and kind of the thoughts around food Then that's when we start to kind of increase awareness and sort of we I do it Very it happens very naturally and very subtly but it's like through some of the you know Little mindset assignments that I have put through my program. My program is 12 weeks So we do start with the foundations of nutrition first really understanding, you know, the food choices What are why are you making the choices that you do? What could be some kind of better alternatives and how can we adjust the choices that you're making? And then getting a little deeper understanding,  why is it that, you know, you, you make that choice. And sometimes we have these like light bulb moments being like,  you know what, since I was a little kid and I, you know, we'd eat dinner at the table. I was not allowed to leave the table until my mother said, until your plate is empty. And that was like a very common mentality of like, you know, people my age growing up, it's like, you cannot leave this table until you finish everything that's on your plate. So it's like having the awareness of those past beliefs, whether they came from childhood or. stuff that you imposed upon yourself and being able to recognize that belief system and then be able to take that belief and run with it and change it to create a new pattern of behavior. So the program that I work with combines sort of nutrition, you know, nutrition, what to eat, the types of food, seed, and I kind of, you know, give people all of that. But what I was realizing through my own practice of doing this for 18 years was that. People, especially women need so much more than that. So it's like, yes, like, you know what to eat. I know that this is a healthier option than this, but like, no matter what I do, no matter what I try, like I'm pulled towards the other option. And the question is why? And so making it. so much easier to be able to understand the why as to why you're making food choices. And then we can kind of tackle, and like you said, sort of come up for a bit of air. Cause it's like you're working at sort of a bit of a higher level of understanding as to where your past beliefs and your habits have come from so that we can create and shift some more positive beliefs and ones that are going to then lead you. And when we work this way, when I worked with women like this, it's like having that. That shift  makes weight loss so much easier, if that makes sense. Cause it's like you're no longer fighting against yourself. So it's like women that I've worked with and like, I've been on every diet and it works really well for two weeks or it works really well for three weeks. And then all of a sudden I fall off and I just can't get back on and they don't understand why. So like helping them understand that why, and the reason why their own subconscious mind is fighting against themselves. And it's because it's there to protect them. Like your mind is pulling you back to your past behaviors because it's, it's trying to protect you and keep your safety. So it's like,  it's, it's a hard concept to understand, but then once you go through that and have that light bulb moment and shift in perspective and finally able to see, okay, now I get it. It's like the weight like comes off because you're able to implement the practices that you may have never been able to before. And it's such like a.  I don't know. I love it. It's such like a wonderful process to be able to guide people through. And the woman I work with are like, thank you. You've done everything. And honestly, I'm like, you've done the work I've guided you there. But really,  you found those answers within yourself and were able to recognize that as long as you know, you're trusting and open and creating the space for that. You're able to find those, you know, answers within yourself, bring them up to the surface and then be able to be , strong enough and, able to create some new habits and some new beliefs. And it's so incredible.  I love it. I love the combination of mindset and practical because that is, that's, that's my go to also. It's like always have both, right? Because, and that's, by the way, why my business is called connected for real because connected was very like up there. It was fuzzy. It was like, okay, I have this straight, you know, straight connection with God. And that was what people were like, very interested in learning more about, like, they were like, I just don't get how you're so connected. And I want more of that. And yet, if you only have this, like fluff. it's not really grounded in reality, right? Like you cannot have one without the other. And my ability to just bring it back to, you know, for real, make it practical was something that, you know, like a really nice balance that, that really works. So I, that's also so nice.  Yeah. And giving the woman the space to be able to kind of come to you and feel, feel safe and feel protected, to be able to kind of feel that connection is also so amazing.  Oh my gosh, it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. You know, there's four, there's four pillars in my, in my program,  everything I do, right? It's like God is at the core. Then there's marriage and business or whatever life forms we're dealing with. Marriage and business and they all sort of like have to work together because they're around, you know, their, your reality. And then there's you as a, as a container for all of that. So, first of all, like, I feel like today we're talking really about this you part, because you are as a container. is the most important part, right? You will not have a life with all these different parts and pieces to it, and you can't have God as the core if you cannot contain all of it, right? Right. So, you know, step one is expand yourself and contain more, right? A lot of people are like, You know what you need to do? You need to just empty some of the things on your plate so that you can have more room on your plate. And I was like, no, no, no. I'm just going to go get a bigger plate, okay?  And it's so funny you said that because the way I describe it is that people are a container, whether it's a plate or a container, but many people's containers have... A ton of holes in them. So like you're trying to pour more and more in your container, yet things are leaking out. So your container has holes and things are leaking out. It's not always so easy to remove stuff from your container, but what we can do is number one, either patch up those holes in the container, make you more resilient and being able to handle the stress that's coming into your container all at once, because you can't control the flow of stuff into your container. Or the alternative is we get a bigger container where you find yourself being able to, the more resilient you are and the better skills you have at adapting to stress and to changes and the things that come your way, you are then able to handle more that's coming into your container. Without all the holes and cracks in your container, that's causing some of your energy and some of your, you know, your balance and your power to constantly leak out. So no matter how much you're putting into your container, things are leaking. You're always going to feel like you're like out of balance. So that's just, I have exactly the same analogy. And that's so funny.  Interesting.  I love that. You know, what's amazing is that when you're talking about, like, the patching and the holes, I'm like, wow, that's genius. I'm talking about containers. There's one more thing that I love that, you know, my doula once told me right before I had my number six, she said You have a container on the counter and it sits there for a long time, right? And so then you're like, okay, I'm going to use this bowl. And you pick up the bowl and you fill it with water. And the water is icky. Like it has this film on it, right?  And you're like, Ew, this water is disgusting. And you spill it out. Right. And that's how we are with God's abundance. We are so stale, we get to a place where we're like, so overdue for a cleanse, right? And a spiritual one, whatever that looks like. And then God pours this abundance into our life, and instead of feeling like, Wow, this is amazing, we're like, Ew, this is terrible! And we start complaining about what we just got.  It just like,  you know, blew my mind.  And then I was like, okay, that's it. I'm ready. And I did this entire amazing process with her to prepare for birth.

And then when the birth happened, like all of the abundance and all the beautiful, you know, everything that went on was just good, good, good. Cause I was like, all my eyes could see is good. Yeah. But that's so true. Like until you kind of cleanse some of that, you know, the film, whatever that film of sort of murky, water is, it's like, Past experiences, past belief, past like, you know, mindset thoughts and like you can't keep If you keep pushing that down further and further below the surface without allowing it to be expressed or released in like a, you know, more positive way, no matter what kind of goodness or abundance is going to come, it's always going to be overshadowed by that. And so it's like, you can only, you know, push things down so far before they eventually, and like, I explain it to also my friend people. It's like, it's kind of like the Yetzer Hara, you know, that person always tapping you on the shoulder. There's that, Oh, but remember this, remember this. And it's like, Until you actually like, like awaken yourself and address some of those past beliefs, they're always gonna be that like, you know, good and bad person on your shoulders that are always trying to push you in one way.

And very often, that like, past belief tends to win because that's what brings you back to that feeling of safety and that feeling of comfort. So it's like, without... Addressing that and really recognizing sort of what it is. This is what I, this is what I've always done. Doesn't mean I always have to do this. These are the foods I've always eaten. Or when I, when I sit down in the evening after my kids go to bed, I always sit down with a snack because I deserve it. I've had a really hard day and I sit down with snacks. And then you wonder why have I put on 20 pounds in the last 10 years? It's like, those are the kinds of things that we have to work on to be able to. Bring them up to the surface in like a, you know, more positive way and then recognize. Okay, now that they're here and we bring them to our awareness How can we then create new patterns and new habits of behavior so that we can kind of extend this like? Healthy lifestyle going forward.  I love that. I love that and I never had  You know weight issues  I was always underweight. So like, I always hated people who were like, Oh, you're so skinny. Because I'm like, Oh, you don't know. Like we also have issues, right? Like we're trying to eat more or we can't figure out how to gain it back after giving birth. Like I'm like, I have the opposite issues and, and it's very funny.  And it always bothered me when people said anything like, let's, guys, let's just establish, we'll talk about weight. It doesn't matter if you're skinny, like it's not nice. Okay. I had to get that off my chest. But I was thinking, you know, the late night snack is not necessarily only about the weight. It's also about the way you sleep afterwards and the way that you feel and you know, your mood and whatever, like it's, it affects so much beyond your weight. Which is why it's so important to address,  you know, your, just, you know, your habits and the things, the ways that you're thinking and the ways that you're acting because  it affects everything. I know. And think about that domino effect. So late night snacking is like very, it's like a, you know, very common, but if late night snacking and then you end up staying late, staying up late, you don't get a good night's sleep. So the next day you're kind of overly tired. Not only. You know, biochemically, there's physiological signals and neurotransmitters are going to be affected like even at that level that you're not necessarily going to make the best food choices because your body's tired. So the same signals in your brain that remind your body like, oh, we're tired are the ones that lead you to food. So even ignoring kind of that piece, behaviorally, if you haven't had a good night's sleep, and then, you know, think about your kids are up at like five o'clock in the morning, which is not the time that you want them to be up, you're like, So on edge the entire day because you're tired and then you have no patience and you're frustrated Like that is going to then snowball into how you interact with you know The people at the coffee shop the people at work the people that you interact kind of wherever you're going throughout the day That's gonna affect like when you're feeling so lousy, are you going to stop and kind of, Oh, let me get to a restaurant. Am I going to pick a healthy salad with kind of like, you know, lean protein on top? Or am I going to pick something that's going to just, you know, be a lot tastier and a lot easier to kind of get in that moment. Like the domino effect of those choices from this is also stemming back to like the night before you stayed up late and had some extra snacks, but is now affected so many things the next day. That's a hundred percent true. It's just like the, the, the snowball or domino effect of that is tremendous.  I call it the loop because you can, you know, you throw yourself into a loop and then you just don't know how to get out. And you know, on a marriage angle, you usually take it out on your husband because he's the safest person to get it out on. You're not going to do it to your boss or to the nice people in the street, whatever, like you're going to hold yourself like smile and nod. And then you're getting home and like, everything comes out. And, and that's when it gets really, really tricky because you wonder why you just can't have a normal relationship or, you know, you're not in the mood for anything, you know, it's like did you notice what was going on? Right. And it always goes back to how do you feel about yourself and, you know, connecting to your, yourself as.  Exactly. And that's how this topic came about because it's like the way you feel about yourself then impacts kind of how your husband sees you, you know, first thing in the morning, you're like smiling and cheery versus like, I can't even do anything else. Like, so that impacts kind of how he sees you, how your kids see you, how you show up for yourself, how you show up in business, how you show up for your, you know, your kids and how you kind of show up overall, it has a huge, huge impact. And so like, without even recognizing.  And recognizing that you are the core, I think as women, especially like you are the core, we are the core of, of so much that , if you, you know, don't prioritize yourself and ensure that like, you are taking the care of yourself, that you need to show up and feel the best as you can. It's, it's going to have a huge, huge impact on others. And like, You know, an example for one of the women that I worked with, and it's these, it's these subtle, it's these subtle changes that they don't even realize. It didn't come from the weight loss. So like one woman I worked with, she, you know, did loose weight, which was awesome. Like she thinks she lost about 10 pounds. But the, the concept was she like, all of a sudden, or one day she's like, normally in the mornings, like their cars are, single car driveway. And she's like, if I'm rushing to work and I can't find my keys, my husband's car down in the driveway. And I just lose it. Like I just like everything's so timed and just lose it. And she's like, one morning this happened. She goes, and I noticed myself that like, I didn't have the same reaction that I would have had, you know, three months ago. And she's like, that doesn't come from losing weight. Like, yes, she lost weight and she was happier in the clothes when she looked in the mirror, but. It doesn't come from that. It comes from the ability to, feel yourself and then your responses and your reactions to even, like, small triggers are not going to be the same because you're at such a different level of comfort with who you are that, you're not, you know, you know, the cartoons, you're, like, hanging on by your fingernails all the time that, like, any little thing is just going to make you plummet. And so that is, like, such a huge difference that , comes from. Losing weight comes from working on yourself, comes from recognizing some of these triggers, comes from like, bringing some of these thoughts to the awareness, and like, it's, it's subtle, and it's so amazing then to see, oh my gosh, so I didn't start my day yelling at my husband, being like, where did you put the keys to the car, why can't I find my car keys, and then the whole day was just so much different, like it took us such a different course, because of that one little incident, that she didn't lose it over the fact that he took her keys, and she couldn't move her car out of the driveway. Yeah, I think I always say that you're not going to realize you're growing until you look back and see how far you've gone,  you know, like, because it feels so normal. And that's one of the ways that I know it's sustainable. It's like, some people are like, okay, overnight, you know, success like no overnight success is never going to get you to stay there for long enough that you can really enjoy it. Yeah. But if we can start flying and we could start seeing and if you could start experiencing the air quality and the view and like, well, this is amazing. And then suddenly you look back and you're like, Oh, my gosh, like I was there. I can't believe it. Look at how far I've gone. Look at look, look at what I'm doing. Look at all the things I'm, you know, because accomplishing, look at the things that I used to pray for that I actually have, right? And all that comes with all those little tiny things, you know, and they're like such tiny adjustments  that you almost don't see the, the movement at all until you look back and realize, like If she didn't have something to compare back to, she'd be like, Oh, this is normal. I'm so normal. I know. And that's exactly why. I have the woman that I work with, like, one of the must of my program is that, yes, part of my programs are self care. Like, my whole system is based on the self system. But one of the things that is a must is a gratitude diary. And every day, writing down three things. Like, it's three things that you're grateful for that day so that you can reflect on these tiny little things. Because if you don't recognize them and take a pause and be like, Oh, wow. Okay. I didn't yell at my husband today or like, look at that. Like I got outside and the sun is shining and I felt a little bit extra jolt of energy or you know, I got a really good parking spot at the grocery store. These small little things that you're becoming aware to. It's like that is what's changing the brain pathways in your mind. But if you're not paying attention to them again, it will just slip. Buy like so many other things because you're not making, you're not bringing your awareness to them. And that's what's so powerful. People are like a gratitude diary. come on, like, am I, you know, 12? Like what is this? And I'm like, please, there's, I do give people a lot of kind of little things to work on, but it will take you. You know, four minutes every morning. And if you can't have four minutes in the morning, then we need to talk and figure something out or we'll do it in the evening. But if you can't find four minutes at some time in your day to reflect on three positive things that happened to you that day, then, you know, we need to also change some other things. And the power of that is tremendous.  You know what I did? I had two friends who were really depressed and I said, that's it. We're opening up a what's up group and we called it, you know, whatever grateful for whatever life. I don't remember.  Anyway, everybody had to write in three things every single day. And. It was amazing. First of all, it gets you out of depression in like no time because it forces you to see, right? Yeah. It was so amazing because then at a certain point, once we were getting into it and everybody was doing it, this one girl wrote, I'm grateful that when my skirt got caught in the double stroller, it ripped in a modest way that I didn't have to be embarrassed to get home. And I was like, did you guys hear that? Because you could have gone crazy being like, I was heavy and I was walking home and his skirt got caught and it got ripped. You know, and like, she could go into this whole.  story about how awful her life is and how terrible everything is. And I'm like, the single thing I could be grateful for. And instead she found the one thing she's grateful for, which is it ripped in a, you know, in a serious way so that it didn't make her feel uncomfortable. Like she got home, she changed, she threw it out, whatever, you know. But like, oh my gosh, we did it, you know, like, could you imagine her a couple of months ago, all depressed, being like, there's nothing to live for, I can't do that, right? And like, You've totally changed, you know? And it's that small little reframe. It's like being able to reframe your perspective. Being like that then impacts like your entire day in terms of like, Okay, yeah, like I'm so thankful that my skirt was, you know, ripped in its nearest way that I didn't have to kind of go crazy over it. That is going to change how you feel inside. And then that's going to change how, imagine her walking through the door back at home. She wasn't coming home and Oh my gosh, that's a frenzy and my whole day is ruined. It's like, okay, look at that. Like I'm fortunate and thankful that I still was able to walk home and not be embarrassed of, you know, everyone seeing what's underneath my skirt. It's amazing. It's amazing. Listen, you know, legit. If she came home frenzied, like it's totally fine. You're allowed to have a bad day.  And the ability to see past it is what's going to get you to survive and to thrive, right? It's like you're going to sink so low if all you can see is dark, if all you can see is black, if all you can see is just like how terrible things are.  It's just going to take you down so quickly. And if you can just find one little thing here and one little thing here, actually I was at the park just yesterday and there was a woman who said she does a hundred gratitude gratefuls a day. And she sits down and starts and think, you know, thank you that I woke up this morning and thank you that I'm alive. And thank you that my brain is working. And thank you that my heart is breaking. And like, she goes through every single thing and she says, do you want to. You want to, you want to get to a hundred. So you want to count as many. Right. So you're like, thank you for my sheets and thank you for my blankets and thank you for my pillows and thank you. And, you know, and then, and then you go through your kids and you have to be grateful for each and every one individually so that you get enough. Right. And she has this down to a science that it's not just, thank you for my kids and thank you for my life and bye. It's like, you get so specific because you need to come up with as many as possible that you start thinking for the little tools in your kitchen that make you. Make it easier for you to chop up vegetables or whatever like you get really creative and and I loved it because She's right. Our brains are so good at, you know, fuzzing things up when things are good and really focusing on the things that are not.  I know, but really it's, either way, it's still your brain's story and your brain's interpretation of the fact that's there. But we often tend to go with the negative stories way more than the positive stories. But there, if you think about it objectively, they're both. the same. Your brain has created a story of an event, and oh, we're automatically going to be like, okay, well, this is bad, or this is the, you know, the negative or the downside or something kind of terrible about it. But we have the, you have the same ability and the same potential to move towards the positive story that your brain has created. We just don't tend to go that way because we're more likely to kind of follow, you know, down the other path.  I love you just reminded me of two things. One thing is worry is the worst way to use your imagination and it touches exactly on what you spoke about because you're like you have imagination anyway. Like you can think worst case scenario or you could think best case scenario and you get to choose what you do with your brain. Right? Yeah. So that was the one thing that came on for me. That was so cute. But you know, the reason why we focus so much on the bad and the bad is so loud is because It's to protect us. So I just want to give you an example. Imagine your fridge, right? If the door was left open a couple of minutes, it starts to beep, right? Why is it beeping? To tell you something is wrong. It's loud. It's annoying. It's telling you, hello, attention. Look at me. Something's wrong. Come close the door. But imagine if it went the other way. Imagine if your fridge was always. Beeping because everything's okay, you know, it's like it would make you go crazy You wouldn't even hear it anymore and so your brain is wired to highlight the things that are not okay, and they're not going well because It's trying to save your life. It's trying to show you. Hey, you need to give this attention. You need to make sure to you know, pause and take care of this. Now, the problem is that instead of pausing and taking care of it, we are pushing it down, bottling it up, being like, moving it aside. It's not that important. I'll take care of it one day, whenever, never, right? And All these things start to pile up and pile up and pile up. Eventually, you, you're just cluttered. There's just too much. This is not an analogy. I love that analogy. That's so true. It's like your fridge door is beeping all the time. And then you're choosing, like not, it's not even  subcons, you're, you're not consciously choosing, but subconsciously you're just ignoring that, like, warning sign. Things are warning, like, you know, pay attention. And you're right. It just gets further and further repressed until you feel like you don't have any. skills or any coping capabilities to be able to change anything. And it's, it's a really, it's, it's hard. Like it's not an easy process to do and it's not, but like recognizing that you need that kind of support or you need that kind of change is always the first step and being like, I can no longer, you know, continue this, or I don't have the energy. Like I'm feeling so  incapacitated or I feel like I can no longer sort of like, I'm just, it's like a mental.  Like I'm just so mentally tired and recognizing and like you think that that's your norm and  it's it's recognizing that this is not the norm and it's It's, it's okay to kind of, you know, want to change it, but most people, and understandably I didn't either, don't know how to do that and how to kind of like, you know, make those changes. But that's where, you know, support from people like you or me come in to really be able to kind of like shift. And it's, it's, as you said, it's not a quick fix. And I think most people are like, give me the pill or give me something that can change my life all overnight.  This kind of work, whether it's weight loss or, you know, improving your marriage or improving your business, it doesn't happen overnight. And people get, you know, very impatient because it does take time. But the end result is like  you, it's, it's amazing to be able to see your life so differently. And instead of just trying to like survive and get through and day to day and kind of just go through the monotonous, it's like actually living and thriving and like enjoying every, Not every part. There's always going to be struggles and you know, not it's not all glorious, but really, you know, loving the things that you can do on a day to day basis to bring you joy. It's it's such a different way of seeing yourself and seeing the world. And it's like you only, you know, have one physical life to live on this earth. It's like you want to be able to to live and feel your best while you're there. And I think that's so important.  I love that. I love that. Let's talk about that because that's the That's the starting point, right? There's we get to a place where it's so overwhelming. There's so much going on. We've  sort of accumulated so much clutter, so much noise,  so much weight. And at this point, a lot of women will tell me, I just don't, don't feel like I'm worthy of anything better. Like people talk about this transformation and people talk about, Oh, imagine what your life could be like. It's like, I cannot imagine. I cannot. And the truth is like, you know, I get them because when you're down there, you don't see past it. You don't see past your nose, right? It's a really hard thing to, to, to  accept  that you can get out of there and then also that you need help.  I feel like a lot of people, you know, they're trying to do what they know.  And the problem is that what they know got them there. So it's not actually going to get them out.  And  when they think about investing in it and really, you know, committing to it, it's very hard for them to think I'm worthy of investing in such a thing. Like in a second heartbeat, if their kid needed something, Oh yeah, I'll pay for it. If there has been said it needs whatever. Oh yeah, sure. It makes sense. Cause it's a, you know, investment in the business or he's the head of the household or whatever, but like. I need help. I need to pay money for someone else to support me through a transformation to get me out of this mud. Like it is so  beyond difficult. I want to hear from you. What can a woman do when she is in that place where she doesn't feel worthy?  You're right. And it is very, very difficult. And it is an investment. Any kind of work on yourself is a financial investment, but also an investment in yourself and investment in your time. And it's, it's, it's the kind of thing that it's like, if you're not ready for it, then it's, you're also not going to be open and accepting to kind of what. You know, it's going to be about to come your way. And so the way that I, I mean, yes, people come to me from a nutrition perspective, which I think is a wonderful kind of entry point being like, okay, like I want to look differently or I want to feel differently. And just like you said. You know, they've tried many other diets in the past, but like the diets are what got them to the place that they're at now. So just trying the same thing over and over again and you're hoping and you know, praying for a different result is unfortunately not going to be the case. Because it's just, you're again, just doing the same thing on repeat, but expecting something different to come out of it. And that's not... going to be the case, unfortunately, because diets are that they're like a short term solution. You can't be on a diet for your entire life. Like it's just not the way that you want to, you know, live. And it's not possible to always be trying to lose weight and always being on a diet and always kind of trying to eat less and, you know, focus on, on less and less and less, it's just not going to happen. And so, you know, trying to kind of help women see. That number one, like they are worthy of this change and some of the things that like, you know, I work on, especially initially before woman come to me is recognizing that it's about very small steps and the small action steps. And I just noticed kind of behind me, my book, like atomic habits this way, which is the premise of my program. And if you read that book, but it's about how the small, small changes and small, small steps add up to so much more. over like, it's a culmination of all these little steps that bring these like tremendous results. And so like women tell me like, no, I can't go to the gym. Like, it's just not possible. I don't have the time. And I just don't, I can't do it. And like, yeah, if you're trying to think I've right now, I don't exercise at all. And I'm going to start to exercise five days a week. That gap is just way too large. So even for the ability to see your life differently and trying to envision, you know, something that's so far away from where you are now, that's, that's too large of a gap. And so I work with. breaking it down into much smaller steps. Number one, actionable steps. So it's like, great, you can't go to the gym. What about if you went outside for like five minutes and walked around the block? Do you think you can do that? And they'll be like,  yeah, I think I can do that. That sounds doable. And it's like not trying to put yourself too far ahead. But at the same time, I also work on kind of bigger pictures. So envisioning things and trying to kind of really You know, envision yourself. Where do you want to be in six months from now? What does your life look like? What does your nutrition look like? What does your body look like? What does your marriage look like? What do things look like so that you have this goal to work towards and like envisioning these things and being able to kind of like write them down as a vision. And here is my ideal life. And you know, one of the exercises I have my women do is compare sort of, okay, who do you want to be in the future? Like, Who do you want to be? And how would you rate yourself in terms of nutrition and self image and exercise and healthy habits? And you know, what are some of the things you're so proud of and you accomplish and really trying to create this vision of sort of like the future version of yourself. And then we step back and do the exact same sort of series of questions in terms of who you are right now today. So where would you rate yourself today? And so we see, okay, here's where we are now. Here's where we want to get to. Some of it's about nutrition. Some of it's about exercise, but some of it's just about the concept of yourself. Like, are you happy with, with yourself? Are you happy with kind of how you show up? Are you happy with kind of like, you know, the, the, the person that, that you are and recognizing, okay, so these are the areas that I then want to work upon. And now we have our. You know, space in terms of where we want to bring you to where what are the small baby steps that we can take towards this vision of yourself and when we reflect after the 12 weeks and we're looking back and being like, okay, which version are you closer to 90 percent of the women that I work with are like, I am so much closer to this person that I envisioned for myself. So it's about kind of creating that future vision, assessing where you are now, and then figuring out a case of what are like.  The practical stuff. And sometimes, honestly, sometimes it's like, especially at the beginning, because your, your brain's trying to hold you back. It's like, okay, well, let's, let's act like that person that you want yourself to be. So the person that you wrote down as your future self, like it may not seem natural. It may not seem normal, but how would she respond to this situation? Would she choose? I don't know this food item or would she choose, you know, potato chips? Like how would she respond? He'd be like, you know what? She would make this choice. And so sometimes it's like making those changes and embodying the practices of this visionary person that you created for yourself so that you can. Retrain your brain to create habits around this vision and so it's like taking something that's a bit more like you said abstract It's kind of like up in the air doesn't seem real. This is so fluffy This is so like, you know Not not not not concrete and then being able to conceptualize something and create a very clear path Towards that so it's like It's it's a process and it's so again, it's it's committing to the process and like you said like the first first step is for women to Recognize that they're  you're not where they want to be and they're they're not happy and at the same time They don't know the steps to take to get them to their you know ideal or close to ideal person as possible and then also it's It's okay to reach out for help, like it's,  there's no way that like, I mean, I wouldn't even go venture trying to fix my car if it broke down. So like, I don't have the tools or the skills to fix an engine at the same time. It's like you recognize, you know what, I don't have the tools and the skills to be able to create this, you know, physical, mental health and these changes that I want to. So I'm going to. You know commit and allow myself to work with someone who is an expert in the area to be able to help You know hold my hand and kind of get me there.  Yeah, and I think you know realizing that making that commitment  Is probably 85 percent of the work. Yeah, I would even say 95 but you know I'll give ourselves a little credit for coping, right? But like going from, oh my gosh, I can't, I cannot even imagine, you know, investing in myself, putting in the time, putting in the effort. I can't, it's not okay. I can't put myself first. I can't take care of myself. You know, everybody else comes first. All the things we have to get through in order to even be willing to have this discovery call. And then. Commit right? It's like you did so much work until that point. That you basically are ready right and that's what it goes back to those stories It's the same stories be like I don't have time for this. My kids are too little my life is too busy Like those are just stories your brain is trying to tell you like no, no, no, we don't like what's going on Or there's we're anticipating some change So let's kind of pull you back to your safe sense of self so that we don't feel threatened or don't feel any kind of triggers it's like Those are stories, but you, we all do believe those stories. You're right. You don't have time for this. So you know what? I'm not going to change because I don't have time. I'm too busy. And I find it's like those stories very often more so than like, I don't. It stems from the belief of I don't deserve this, but the story comes out as like, you don't have time for this. Who are you kidding? Like, you're way too busy for this. Your life is too hectic or there's too much going on. Like, you don't have time for it, right? The truth is that your life is way too hectic to be drained and tired all the time. Your life is way too busy in order to be fighting with your husband all the time. Like this is not serving you. Right. And so when you question those beliefs, you're like,  I'm not buying it. Right.  But it sometimes takes an outside person. I'm sure you do as to question those beliefs. If someone tells you, let's say on a call, I'll be like, you know, I don't have time for this. I mean, I I'm sure your answer would be like, Is that really true? Because think about how much time and how much, maybe not time, but how much energy it takes to be constantly fighting with your husband or constantly like impatient with your kids. That takes a huge energy like drain from yourself. If you're not refilling yourself to be able to kind of replete from that energy that's just been drained towards something that like you had the power to be able to control, then like That's not actually the case because it's like you're just depleting and, you know, think about your cup that has all these holes. All of it is just kind of spilling out and you're not giving yourself the capacity to be able to replenish your cup and to sort of fill up your energy in a much more positive and a much more like beneficial way.  I love it. Okay, we could go on forever, but we want to make sure that you guys listen to the end. So where can people find you? How can people work with you? This has been so much fun because we're totally aligned. I'm like the same thing. Let me tell you what I say about this exact.  It was a really fun conversation. Where can people, you know, just sort of get in contact with you and get on with feeling and looking amazing?  So, first of all, I'm going to have content, like I'm on Facebook as Rena Cohen, I'm on Instagram at the Sanctuary RD. All my contacts will be in the show notes, I think, from this podcast, as well as my website. My program is called The Sanctuary, again, created as, what people need is like a, a A safe haven it's like talking about these things and the pride you work as a group so there's a group of women a very small group of women but it's like when one woman said something and like You know, all of a sudden clicks in somebody else be like, oh my gosh She just took the words out of my mouth when like you're there struggling thinking. I'm the only person I'm, the only person who can't get it together on shabbos afternoon. I'm the only person who snacks on everything in sight I'm, the only person who eats my kids leftover pizza crust and like you think it's just you and so you're embarrassed to kind of Say anything and so the sanctuary is my program to be able to provide that like safe haven among people to Recognize and Go through this process with others who are on the same journey and on the same path so that you're no longer Alone, and you don't feel alone. So my website is www. sanctuarycoaching. ca But it'll all be in the in the show notes people can access me I do put out a lot of content on social media. So on Facebook on Instagram on LinkedIn I mean feel free to find me to kind of get some some tips. I'm happy to answer questions I love love answering questions about nutrition as you can see it's like my It's my love. I just, I find it so fascinating and I love like being able to kind of like refute a lot of the Nutrition myths and like debunk some of the theories out there because it's so overwhelming with like, is this true? Should I do this? Should I not do this? Should I try intermittent fasting? Should I do keto? Like people are just so overly confused which it then creates A lot of noise in their head around food and then once you have the clarity to understand like what is noise? What is actuality where kind of I should be focusing my energies things become a lot clearer. So Definitely check me out on social media Instagram Facebook LinkedIn There's an application there to book a free Call with me if that's something they're interested in looking into and kind of changing It's it's all there.  Awesome. Thank you. And you're the first one to find out because I just, just, just came up with this. Okay. Two years ago, I did the intimacy masterclass as a Black Friday sale, and it was super, super successful. And then I sort of like, you know, the next Black Friday I asked people around I tried not nothing like I wasn't into it. So I just sort of dropped the ball. But anyway This year everybody was talking about black friday around me and I was like, I don't know I'm getting this itch that I need to do something and I wasn't sure what so I went to the mastermind and I told them I'm, like i'm not really  I don't really need to do anything, but I feel like I'm being called to do something. And so like, help me out. And I gave them all the different ideas and the different things that people were asking about. And they said at one of them was actually in the, in the intimacy masterclass. You know, two years ago. And she said, I would love for you to do an intimacy masterclass too, that would address like anxiety and the climate right now and everything that's going on and how to get in the mood when there's like no way to get in the mood with all these negativity and the noise and whatever, I was like, you know what? Let's do it. And I'm so excited because ever since she asked for it, you know, and like, this is coming from a person who knows me and has been to my program. So my wheels are just like  everywhere. All like, I already wrote the entire thing. I know what I'm teaching as so hard.  It like next level from what was two years ago And and then she said, you know, what would be even cooler as if you offered the The recording from two years ago as a bonus and then you know people would get two for the price of one I was like, you know what? Let's like i'm doing it anything you guys say i'm doing it and so It's super exciting, but I just I just made the landing page today. It's connectedforreal.com/intimacy.  And you sign up for the intimacy masterclass too, which is going to be live in December, but you get instant access to the first one and you can watch it whenever you want right away. And it's very, very mindset and practical. So you're going to love that.  Yeah, and then when we go to, you know, live in December, you'll be able to be there live or get the replay.  I'm so excited! Can I join? I think that's amazing! Of course you can!  It's only 97!  I'm so excited about it! Yeah!  I'm super excited. And as part of everything I do always comes with a free implementation call because I need, I do for myself, I need the connection. I can't just talk at people. I need the feedback. And I love answering questions. And especially with intimacy, nobody's gonna, you know, a lot of people do ask questions publicly, but I am very respectful of privacy and people's. questions that have to do with their private life. And so you get one on one with me 15 minutes to just sort of pick my brain afterwards. So yeah, it's very exciting. Wow. And that's so relevant. Like you said, I feel like the times like now, even more so, I think people are really struggling to focus on themselves when there's so much like, I mean, horrific stuff going on. And it's like, well, how can I focus on myself when all these other people are struggling? And I find that's like a really hard point for people right now to be able to be like, there's, it's, it's so selfish. Like I can't focus on myself. But again, it goes back to that concept is like the better, the more resilient you are and the more able you're kind of able to sort of tolerate and adapt to stress, the less likely you're going to, you know, break almost like for lack of a better word under all of this extra stress and extra pressure. So like now, even more so, it's so much more important to prioritize yourself and to focus on what you need because like. Unfortunately, this situation isn't going to end so soon. So it's like being able to deal with like, you know, chronic levels of stress can really take a huge toll on your body, on your marriage, on your intimacy, on your kids. Like it's like now better than ever is the time to be able to kind of like, I think equip people with the tools to really understand, like, and then thinking back, you know what, if I can get through something as like, You know, scary and terrible is this like I can really do anything because this is like the worst ever.  I agree with everything you said, except one point. And you said this thing is not going away and it's going to be for a while. I believe very strongly that within a blink of an eye, everything can change. And God is taking us. forward to an ideal reality. And all we have to do is just like be ready for it. So I'm ready. I'm not,  I'm not thinking like, you know, doomsday, like longterm anything. I'm very, very excited. I'm very focused. To constantly be bringing myself back to God is limitless, right? And so like, just because we are limited, we're limited and we see things in a way that only we could see. Right. We're like in this world, it looks like it's going to be forever. It's like, Oh my gosh, whatever. Right. It's like, okay, no, no, no, no, I'm going to let God take over and be the one to decide how long this thing is. And I'm willing to let that go. So I'm just putting that out there. I don't agree with that. No. And I bet that actually does make, I mean, I do kind of feel that like, and being in chutz laaretz, I think it just feels very different. My daughter, the one who's in Israel now for seminary has told me, I  think it's time to pack your bags because like Mashiach's coming, like get your bags packed. And I was like. Okay.  Yes, I agree. Yeah. So she's like, it's like, I'm going to be here for Moshiach and you guys are going to be there. So it's like, it's going to be, you better get here sooner than later. So yes, I do kind of feel like it's like,  I have a brother who says.  Don't worry, when Mashiach comes, when there's a redemption, I'm just gonna get on a plane and come.  And I told him, like, you know, you might be too late. Like, I don't know what to tell you. And then COVID hit, and they closed down all the airports. And I called him up. I'm like, what are you gonna do if we close down the airports? And they're like, sorry, you know, you missed out. And he's like, Hmm,  so that's where my daughter's coming from being like, I'm in Israel. You guys are there. And like Michelle's coming like I can feel it and we know it and it's happening and like, we're not going to be in the same part of the world. So she's like, I think it's very important for you guys to come. Yes, I agree. I agree.  Oh, this is so fun. Okay.  Everybody go check out Rina. If you're interested in the Intimacy Masterclass version 2, then definitely come and join connectedforreal. com slash intimacy.  I'm very, very... Yay! I'm going to join. I'm the first person I'm telling. Great, well then I'm the first person to sign up because I am going to join. I think it sounds amazing. It is. It's you know what it is when they asked me to do it two years ago. I was like, no, I do marriage. I do one on one. Like when I talk about it, I do not talk about it openly like this, you know, and I'm a very modest and very like, nice person, like very, very not in your face, but any of these things. And they're  like, we want you because you're so comfortable, right? Like we can actually like, yeah.  Somebody gave feedback like you said everything without saying anything.  And I was like, okay, that was great. That's exactly where I was going. Right. So like, I don't get in your face about anything. I don't use uncomfortable words. I don't, you know, I'm like super modest about it because I'm just that type of person and I didn't believe that I should be the one to do it because. I don't want to go there, but the responses just came back like this was perfect because it had that balance. So I'm looking forward to the next one because this time around, I'm feeling a lot more,  you know, confident about why I'm being, why I'm the one being called to do it. Right? Like I'm less questioning God and more like going along with him. Yes.  And allowing kind of the space for that opportunity. But it's like, again, like for women to be able to openly talk about these struggles and these intimacy issues, like it's, it's so important and it's so beneficial. And without, as we just said, without opening up and expressing some of these thoughts and struggles and number one, recognizing that like other people are going through the same thing without actually having that space or the person to connect with about them. That's just, you know, not allowing them to be released in a very positive way. So I think it's just, people will feel so comfortable once they're given this space and the, you know, the, the safety of an, of a, of a forum to be able to talk about these kinds of things. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's super cool. It's super cool.  I'm excited. Okay.  Thank you for joining me. I look forward to  more of these conversations and thank you everyone who's been listening. Thank you for those who came live. It's really fun to see that there are live people around and  thank you everyone. We'll see you next time. Yeah. Thank you.

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Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.