87. Marriage, Business & Midlife

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started.  And we are live. Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman and today with me, I have Lesley.  So let me first tell you who I am. In case you don't know, I'm a marriage coach for women in business. So that intersection between marriage and business and how they affect each other is my favorite topic is where I Thrive and shine and get all excited.

And today Lesley is going to talk all about her shift between, you know, working on her business and how it is, you know, how it was to be a business woman and married and all that. But then also now she's shifting into working with her husband. So Leslie, introduce yourself, tell us what you do or you're so awesome and what you're up to.

Well, you're sweet. Thank you. My name is Leslie McShane. I'm the host of the redesigning midlife podcast. My Whole career, actually, I've been in film production. I've been a freelancer in the film industry, but specifically I've done a lot of work with museums and museum installations. So I do a lot of, I do a lot of research for the films that are put together that are inside museums.

So it's been very interesting. But as I entered into my fifties, as I kind of got towards midlife, I, I felt like I was telling everybody else's stories all the time. And so I wanted to create something and use the creativity that I felt like I had.  To kind of do my own thing to to make a pivot. And I found that when I started talking to other women, that other women were really looking to make a pivot as well.

So, you know, it's kind of a, it's kind of a thing when you get to midlife, you're kind of like, you know, I've done all these things. I have all this experience, you know, perhaps your kids are older or leaving the house. And you know, you've been everything to everybody else. But you have forgotten who you are along the way.

And then all of a sudden you are faced with, okay, this is who I am. And this is what I want to do. So I, you know, I had to go through this big, okay, who am I and how can I use everything that I have built?  Through my life to be more who I am from now, from now forward, because, you know, a lot of people think, you know, when you hit midlife,  you're at the end, but you're only at the midsection, you have still have so many more years and so many more things to share and offer other people.

So. I have been an athlete most of my life and I have been a creative. So I was kind of like, how can I combine those two things to give back to other women? Because I really was feeling that midlife women needed a voice and they needed to be told that it was okay to put themselves first at this time in their life.

And so I started a blog, I started a podcast.  And I really wanted to focus in on, health and wellness and kind of niche down into helping women prioritize their health and wellness now so they can be happier now and live more independently as they age, because a lot of times we don't realize that everything that we do now, it's an investment in ourselves and you build on that.

And in 10 years. You know, you're going to be in much better health than if you hadn't started doing something at this age. So,  so I've been doing this for about three years and, you know, at the same time, my husband was kind of going through his midlife. I won't call it a crisis, but for men, we kind of call it a midlife crisis  for us.

It's a, it's a midlife awakening, but but he also decided to make a pivot in his career. He had been in in finance and healthcare for many, many, many years. And His mother got very ill and ended up passing away from cancer and she left him a little bit of money and he had the opportunity to become an entrepreneur and to buy into a plumbing franchise.

And at nearly 60, he's 58 at nearly 60, he decided to completely change his focus and he has started this plumbing business.  And so I have you know, like I said, he's a finance guy. I'm more of a creative. So I've been trying to help him on the marketing front. So we're kind of, we're kind of working together a little bit right now. 

Ooh,  that's a lot. It's a lot.  And I love how you're like. For us, it's an awakening, you guys. It's like so normal, right?  Nobody wants to be in a crisis. Yeah. And you know what else you said? Like at this age and, you know, at this stage at midlife, it's okay to put yourself first. And I'm like, guys, at every stage, it's okay to put yourself first.

This is true. But,  but, you know, there's so much guilt associated with putting yourself first. So a lot of women are not able to do that. I know I have always been 1 that has been able to do that. But, you know, if you haven't been able to do that at some point, you're going to have to take. The power back, right?

So I feel like it's a muscle and it's hard at every age, you know, you could be newly married, maybe first baby and be like, no, I have to take care of everybody else but me. And, you know, totally forget yourself. And, you know, at a certain point, you're going to have to, you know, wake up and be like, no, no, no, no, I need to catch up with you.

It will, right? So at any stage from any time until any time, you're going to have to do it. Right. So don't wait until you're 50. Just do it now and grow that muscle to be able to like carve out the time and put yourself first and take care of yourself. And the truth is, is because everyone else wins when you take care of yourself.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. You're going to be around longer to take care of everybody else and everything they need. Yeah, exactly. And you'll be a better, more patient human with those people. Right. So it's like  I take a nap and then I'm a nicer mom and you know, super. Different than if I don't take a nap. And so I prioritize taking a nap  and it's very interesting because my friends would be like, Oh, that's crazy.

Like who does that? Who takes a nap in the middle of the day? And like me, because I woke up really early  and I've been taking care of everyone else and if I don't pause. For like an hour, just like cut the day in half.  I will not be the same. Yeah. Yeah, no, I, I agree. You, you have to say yes to yourself first before you can start saying yes to everybody else. 

Yeah. And it's not selfish. It's for them. It's like everyone's everyone benefits. Okay. So that was a tangent. I've had to pick on you.  That's fine. You go. So let's talk about how business and marriage are, you know, playing a dance here. Cause first you had your own business in your own midlife awakening and how did your husband deal with that?

And also, How did it affect the, you know, the dance in different ways? That's the first question I have for you. And then, now that you're shifting into working together, how is that dynamic working for you? And what are the challenges? What are the tips that you can give people? Things like that. Yeah. Well, you know as far as me doing, having my own business and, and his support and whatever, you know, all of that starts  way early.

You know, we've been married for 27 years and we have always been, I mean, we're man and wife, but I consider ourselves friends  first. We are partners. In this marriage and we are man and wife, so, you know, there is nobody that I trust more. There is nobody that I think will  back me up faster than he does.

And.  I respect him, he respects me. And so when I told him that I needed to do something a little bit different that I needed this thing, he was like,  go do it. You know,  we, we, of course, we had to make some sort of, you know, arrangements and there are some serious financial talks that have to go on and that sort of thing, but. 

He knows me so well that he knew that I  needed this thing. And so he, you know, he was like, go for it. And,  you know, he has been very, he's been very supportive and my biggest cheerleader and my biggest supporter. When things, you know, because things don't always go great, you know, things go well sometimes then they don't go well.

So he's been there to pick up the pieces when they didn't go well and to cheer me on when they, you know, when they did go well and you know. And  I, I have appreciated, appreciated him all along. And so when he started this business, I wanted to give back to him too. And I, you know, I let him go into it and be in it for six months and find his place and what he was doing.

And then I offered to come in and, and help him out. And he knows what I'm capable of and he knows the support that I can give him. And so he's like, okay, yeah, get in here. I need you. Please come.  So, you know, so now we're, you know, we're working together, but we don't work together. You know, I'm doing marketing type stuff and, and he's doing more accounts receivable and dealing with the plumbers.

So we're not. like sitting at desks side by side. It's kind of like I'm doing my thing and he's doing his thing. But we're all but we're both working toward the same thing.  Oh, I love that. You know, my mother when I was dating,  she told me something so wise. She says it's not about looking at each other's eyes.

It's about both looking at the same destination and that's how you know it's going to work. Right? Like if you just sit there and like, Oh, lovey dovey,  It's not about anything, but then if you're both working towards the same goal, so like the way you said that felt really Aligned it was like, yes, this is amazing Yeah, do you guys have like meetings or anything official?

You're like, okay now we're gonna sit down and talk about this Like seriously, are you just like, you know here and there, you know? Hey, I need I need to know whatever about this that the other  How, how, how, how do you guys do it?  Well, you know, we have, we have always done a lot of things together. We have run a junior cycling team together.

We started in and ran a junior cycling team together. We are both cyclists. And so we ride our bikes together a lot. We've done a lot of traveling together, you know, so we've always done a lot of things together. So our relationship has always been pretty organic. We've never had like set times where we have to talk about this.

We just talk about stuff whenever we talk about it. You know, we might be back out on a bike ride and, you know. He wants to talk about such and such and, and we do, or, you know, sit down when we get home from the office and we talk then. So no, we've never, you know, we've never had set times. We, we are both very vocal, so we don't hold things inside, you know, we don't carry them and then there's some big explosion or anything.

It's kind of like, if there's an issue, yeah, we're going to talk it out and we're going to talk it out probably today. Because tomorrow is going to be something else, and if you keep, if you keep piling on issues that need to be worked through, then it's going to end up this great big  pimple of just of terrible topics to talk about.

Let's just talk about this stuff. Let's get it out.  Yeah, it's like you get to the meeting. You're like, okay, here's the to do list.  First you said this to me then I did that to you. I forget it. We're never gonna end this thing. No,  No, yeah, exactly. I love that. So just like, you know, bring it up and it comes up and don't don't bottle it in great advice Yeah, you know and that was not always very natural for him and it's not natural for a lot of  talk about their feelings and the things that they're thinking about and issues that they're having.

So he has always been very open to follow my lead on that. You know, and I, you know, and I am very conscious not to point fingers either. You know, this is an issue that we have, not an issue that he has or an issue that I have. It's, it's an issue that we have. And so let's, let's. Talk through it.  Right.  I love that.

I love it. How are you balancing or, you know, sort of doing both of the business that you built and now supporting him? Like what is still going on with your support?  Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I,  as all businesses happen that, you know, there are ebbs and flows. Mine was full on through the summer. And then I needed to take a step back from that.

And now it's, it's full on with him, you know, and so we'll, we'll see. It's, it's still pretty new. So we'll see how they coexist.  But like I said, we are a we will do everything in sure that each one of us the things that we need. 

That's really 

nice.  T freebie that you have for  Yeah, well, the thing about being in midlife and, and, and working on your, on your health and wellness is that, you know, like I said, so many women have not been putting their health and wellness first for a very long time, and they are afraid to get started because they think that it's going to be hard and that, you know, there's  you know, they're not going to be able to do it and they're not going to be able to develop any kind of  consistency.

So what I want to tell women is that it only takes five minutes a day. It only takes five minutes a day to To be able to put yourself first, to get into the habit of being able to put yourself first. And so I have a freebie called four steps to prioritize your health and wellness this week and actually doing it.

I have a whole habit bank of things that you can do to choose to begin. Easily to take care of yourself on a daily basis. And once you develop that habit of being able to take care of yourself for five minutes a day, then you might be able to continue and to add to that and do a little bit more and a little bit more until it becomes this thing that you do every single day. Yeah. I feel like. The all or nothing mentality is going to kill it. You know, it's like, that's the thing that does it for most people is like, forget it. We're not doing this. Let's just move on. And it's easy things like  drinking a glass of water before you have coffee in the morning or taking five minutes to write down five things you're grateful for.

You know, these are all little things that help your health. And you're in your wellness, do some mobility moves first thing in the morning, you know, wrist rolls, nobody thinks about doing wrist rolls or neck rolls. Those things are going to help you all day long.  I'm going to start doing wrist rolls now, just because you said. 

Wrist rolls, don't really like stiff your wrist get when you're sitting at a computer all day long.  You know, so  it's moving, get that fluid moving in your, in your joints.  Okay, good. So did you tell everyone how to get their freebie? I did not do that. You have to go to my website and that's lesleymcshane.com that's L E S L E Y L M C S H A N E dot com.  Awesome. It's right there.  It's very, very exciting. And you know what? I think it reminds me of my freebie a little bit because mine is the guide to unravel overwhelm and it's along the same lines, but instead of having. A bunch of different things to do, just like five minutes of it's pick one thing, one thing, the one thing that's going to move the needle and just start the ball rolling.

It's something that I've  done  probably for the last 6 years. You know, the 1st time I did it was 6 years ago. We're actually seated and this is how I came up with this system  for steps.  But ever since then, I'm living a different life, right? Because like, for me, it was prayer. I just picked one thing. I said, I'm going to pray for 10 minutes a day.

Just like, you know, it shouldn't be that hard. 10 minutes, you know, carve it out.  And I wasn't perfect. It wasn't like every day was, Oh yes, I got it. But we're not being graded on these things. You're not being graded. It's not a test. Right. But the secret here was I was tracking and so I was able to see  and I just kept telling myself  if any day where I actually did it  is a day I would not have done it any other like I wouldn't have done it without deciding to do it.

So 50 percent Oh my gosh, 50 percent of my days, you know, or look, I did three days in a row. That's pretty good. And so slowly, like you start talking yourself into doing it. Right. And now I can't even imagine going a day without praying because it's just part of my, part of my life. And not only that, like I'm doing other things now, you know, like just building on it.

Like you said, as soon as you build the muscle,  yeah, have it stacking. As soon as you've built the muscle, that muscle is just like super ready to do whatever we need, you know?  I do the same thing. I started with one thing and then started building on it. And now I just call the whole thing my morning routine or my spiritual gym almost, you know, sitting down and gratitude and setting intentions and prayer and, you know, and then moving your body.

I call it going to the spiritual gym in the morning.  I love that. Yeah.  One day I will have time for a morning routine. But until then, that was one thing.  I have one 10 minute goal and it's still, you know, like how do I fit this in? My kids wake up so early.  And thank God there's many of them. So it's just like whack a mole until they go to school, you know, it's like, try to get, make sure everything is still not broken until they're out. 

So I'm still in the stage of, you know, I do not have time that is. And you're going to be there for a while. Yeah. Yeah. And that's okay. Okay. Exactly. Enjoy your 10 minutes and your nap. Exactly. I, I also, you know, I think that  putting it in perspective, like a lot of people tell me like, Oh, it goes so fast.

And you're like, what fast, you know, 17 years. Like my oldest is 17.  Right. But, but it does go fast because you see suddenly you're like, oh my God, there's an adult around, you know, she's 17. So it goes really fast. And when somebody reminds me that I'm like, yeah, one day I'm going to be in a different stage going, Oh, look at that.

There's quiet in the house and I have time for myself  and that's going to be a different stage. So just enjoying the moment. Yeah, exactly. And what goes even faster is when after they're 17 and they're gone and they're not around. And then all of a sudden you look up and they're 27 and you're like, didn't you just graduate from high school yesterday?

It happens fast.  Didn't we just graduate from high school yesterday?  Yep.  Yep. Yesterday. Otherwise known as 35 years ago for me. When they announced our 20 year you know, reunion.  It was a couple years ago. I was like,  what are you  talking about?  I'm still a kid. Didn't I graduate like two years ago?  It's so funny.

It's very strange the way time flies and yet it just, you know,  feel like it's not moving sometimes. Yeah. Yes. For sure.  Yeah.  Okay. This was really fun. If anybody has any questions, please send them in the chat or, you know, you can email us. Both Leslie and I are really, really fun to talk to, so get in touch.

I also want to make sure that you know about the three month private coaching that I have right now. One on one.  An amazing experience. Just, you know, this is,  I haven't done one on ones in a very long time. So this is very exciting because there's only two spots left. I opened up six spots and the first four are taken.

So there's only two spots left. It is  an experience that. You can take to what your goals are. So, you know, that my specialty is marriage and business and how they interact. And really it's all built on the four pillars. God is at the core marriage and business and how they work together. And then you as your whole self, which is a lot about what we're talking here today, right?

Like that ability to Be your whole self so that you can contain all of these other parts of your life And so you can choose what you want to focus on during these three months and we in the consultation call We go deep dive into what is the goal and what the destination is and then sort of like create a roadmap for that  So some of my clients are focusing on their marriage And you know really Making sure that the intimacy is working, that the communication is working, that they have the right skills.

And some of them are working on finding their purpose and figuring out their thing. And what is, you know, what am I meant to grow into? So what am I being called to become? One of my clients said it was so beautiful because like it's exactly that, right? Like we have this calling and then the business aspect.

So how to juggle everything you can. Get in touch with me at advice at connected for real. com. And I will give you all the details and you can have a free consultation and we could work it through. So that's the excitement of today. And I look forward to having more opportunities to speak to awesome people like you. 

Thank you for having me. This is, this has meant a lot to me. I appreciate it.  It's a pleasure. And I love that you have, you know, so much experience that you were able to bring into the next levels, right? Like it's never about, Oh, that was the old me. This is the new me. And they have nothing to do with each other.

It's always just like you said, stacking, right? Building on each other. And I love how you're taking your skills along with you and just becoming the next version of yourself. So that's really fun. Yeah. Yeah. You have to do that. We all go through everything that we go through for a reason. So you have to take it with you and use it. 

Yeah. So thank you. Thank you so much for being here today. 

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