92. Will I Have to Do Mindset Work Forever?

  Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

And we are live! Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. Today we are talking about will this ever  end? Will I have to do all of this mindset work all the time? And will this ever feel like I'm done or there? Are we there yet comes to mind because it just feels like that. Sometimes when you are doing all this self healing and self reflection and self development, and you're constantly learning and being better and creating the life you want you just want to like, take a breather, right?

There's just too much going on. And we end up getting this  burnout overwhelmed from doing the work. Right. So. In the beginning, it was like we  felt overwhelmed and all of this background noise and the subconscious just running our life. And so we were sort of like in the mud. We learned about mindset work.

We learned about decluttering. We learned about just you know, thinking intentionally. And now we're like, okay, great.  Now what? Right?  How do I get to the next level? So that's what we're going to be talking about today. And  if you have any questions, make sure to put them in the chat because we are live and I can answer your questions right there in the moment.

So take advantage of this awesome opportunity. If you are listening in the podcast or watching on YouTube.  Hi, and definitely make sure to put in your comments or sent in your questions and I will address them. Okay. So really, where does it end? And when does it start having, you know, when, when does this start being fun?

That's what today's episode is all about. 

Let me tell you a little bit about my journey. Okay. So for those of you who don't know me, I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman I'm a marriage coach for women in business. What that means is that I love working with extraordinary women. I love it that, you know, I'm one of those people. It's like, we can't just get enough just by being, you know, it's just that just thing, which by the way, we can get into is not, you know, not just at all.

But we're like, I just want to do this and this and I feel pulled and I feel like I'm being called and have this thing that's like, you know, wants me to come alive in this way. And I also want this. And so we have a lot of things pulling us and there's a tug of war going on.  And I used to be a graphic designer.

I went To Pratt Institute. I worked on Fifth Avenue. I came here to Israel and I worked for the top graphic designer, Ben Gassner, and did a ton of amazing work for like the Western Wall Heritage Foundation, a bunch of different high tech companies and, you know, just some really cool books I worked on. 

And  I wanted to grow and I'm constantly feeling this, like, you know, the, the  unable to sit still type feeling where it's like, okay, what's next, what's next, what's more. And I was networking and I was meeting people and I was making connections and I started doing work for myself and I opened up my own business. 

And as I'm growing and growing and growing, I'm also realizing that a lot of the growing, growing, growing comes with staying busy and keeping busy and feeling busy.  And that can really get to you at a certain point. So I got, you know, I've always been into the self development world, but I got really into it when I realized that's, that's really the way to grow.

It's growing smart, not growing hard, just, you know, working in a way that will allow.  people to know about me, allow people to come into my world, allow people to hire me without having to run after it and force it. Right. So I'm doing all this great work.  I'm hiring coaches. I'm,  in these programs, I'm consuming a ton of podcasts. 

I've had a great time, but a certain point just gets to a place where it's like, huh,  are we there yet? Right. And then I, you know, I've been on and off with this. Are we there yet thing I end up, you know, God is very good to me.  He gives me all these like times to reflect and times to slow down. So one of those times when I got pregnant with my number six.

That was in 2019,  and  I started feeling like,  I gotta move, away from graphic design. I have this thing inside me that I have to start helping other people do.  And  because I was able to break through my business without having to pay a price with my marriage, which was my biggest concern.

And the thing that was subconsciously holding me back,  I realized that for my friends in the networking group, that's what everybody was struggling with. It's like, how do I get to the next level? How do I. Breakthrough without having to lose something that's super important to me. And not only that, how did you get your husband to be so helpful?

How did you get your husband to be so supportive? How does he do, you know, all these things? And it's normal in your house, like what's going on? So besides the fact that I, you know, landed the jackpot of all husbands, I also communicated better because I was working, you know, more intentionally and I was realizing a lot of things and all of.

All of the mindset work really helps and it really works. So  that's what I was teaching and that's what I was helping my friends do. And then eventually I realized that's what I have to start doing. So I left graphic design and I moved into  And specifically marriage coaching and super specifically for women in business, because that intersection between how your business is affected by your marriage and how your marriage is affected by your business and how they coexist within your life and how you hold all of these things and still stay sane.

That all fascinates me and I'm obsessed with it. Okay. So now that you know where I'm coming from,  there were a lot of. really important takeaways that I want to teach you so that you don't fall into this rut of  I've been doing all this work myself and it's just not fair anymore. And why can't he do some of the work?

Or, you know, I've just been like, you know, go, go, go, go, go. And now I feel like, ah, I have to stop and relax and,  arrive somewhere, but I haven't gotten there yet. And so I just have to. Keep going. That's, that's what's going on. Okay. That's what we're addressing today. And I have so much to say about this that I had to start recording.

So here we are.  Oh,  I love it. Okay, so I want to still wrap up my personal story  with what  I did after  my sixth baby was born.  So was she born yet? I think she was. I Hired a coach that was going to help me do the transition from graphic design to coach. She was great.  Then I joined a coaching program, which was a year long program that helped me really, really establish what my structure is, what my systems are, what I'm doing, how I'm doing it.

A lot of inner work in that group. There was a lot, a lot of work. It was amazing. And I loved it. I was on fire.  And by the time that was over, I felt this overwhelm, you know? Like too much, too much in inner work, too much inner work. How much longer do I have to keep doing this for the actual breakthrough to happen? 

And I feel like I just got tired and I mellowed out a little bit  and I just got into like, the rhythm of doing, you know, and I didn't have that fire anymore. And that's what I want to talk about. Okay. So I just wanted to give you a little bit of context of how I got to this in my timeline, where it really felt  like a really strong, are we there yet? 

Feeling like a little kid in the car. Are we there yet?  And now are we there yet? Right? Because they're like, they've lost patience. They're done with being in the car. So same thing. It's like we're in the car and we're like pretty done with it. Can we go move on?  So here are all the things I have learned in my experience and what I want to teach you right now.

Okay. So you don't have to go through the burnout and you don't have to go through that. Dumb, you know, lump, the, the lull of, of mindset work.  So number one,

I used to believe that righteous people were always connected  and they were always, you know, they just had this like  direct connection to God. And it was just, that was it, you know, and that's what made them righteous because they were so connected. And on the other hand, you know, the sinners, the evil people, the wicked, they were.

Disconnected always because if you had a connection with God, you would not do those things, right? So it was very Simplified in my brain and very childlike  it's just like all righteous people are connected all the time and all wicked people are always disconnected and It's just it is what it is.

The problem with this is that it's actually not true The reality is that all people are always connecting and disconnecting, connecting, and disconnecting. It's part of what makes us live, be alive, right? It's the same idea of like the heart rate that goes up and down, up and down. You wouldn't be able to live if your life wasn't  dynamic and just like one straight line does not represent life.

It represents the opposite. So we're trying to just normalize the fact that. Hey, I found out the truth and actually  we're all connecting and disconnecting. We're all  finding the thing that works and doesn't work. And when I'm disconnected, how do I reconnect? And when I'm connected, how do I sustain that connection?

And that's what's actually happening. So I think of it as a muscle. If you work out this muscle and you get really, really good at. picking up these heavy things, then when you're put to the test, you just pick it up, right? Like when you can go up to someone and be like, can you open this jar for me?

And they just go click and everybody's like, how did he do that? It's because  he's been working out, like he's doing the things and other parts of his life. And then when this little thing comes, it's not hard. It's just part of. The routine of, you know, being able to sustain these things. So same thing with connection, right?

So if we're here to be connected to God, and we are here to have a relationship with him even when I'm disconnected, if I'm able to know where to turn and what to do in order to connect. Then I don't have to feel like I am helpless and I'm just stuck down at the bottom, disconnected in the dark, being like help me.

I can know what to turn to and actually take action. Okay. And the same thing with, you know,  the sinners or wicked people, or people who are not usually connected, God sends them sparks of connection, like little wake up calls.  That allow them to catch, you know, like maybe they'll wake up, maybe they'll catch the connection.

Maybe they'll have a little aha moment and then they'll lose it because they're not strong enough to hold on to it, but they know that it's there. And. They have the ability to connect right? And so we all have the ability to connect. We all have the muscles. Some of us are weaker than others, and some of us are working hard to try and strengthen our muscles. 

So really, the difference is between building muscle memory, awareness and attention to these things, right? That's all it is. And if you're living in  default mode where it's like, you'll just do it when you feel like it. And like, if it sparks me, I'll, I'll, you know, I'll give it attention.  And you're going to end up being very lazy about it.

Right. So this is about anything you do in life and specifically about connecting to God and to yourself. Right. Cause it's, you know, it's all the vessel that you have in order to connect.  And this is an amazing opportunity to create muscle memory, to create awareness, to create attention.  And that's number one.

Number one is  we are not  all or nothing. We are humans living in a human world and we have the opportunity to build muscle. And the way we build muscle is by just taking. One little thing and picking it up and then, you know, growing a little bit at a time and staying focused and being consistent and then  you'll see results you will, it's just inevitable because that's how the physical world works.

So same parallel with the connection and the spiritual world. Okay.  Number two, we attach ourselves to the results and that is what burns us out.  When I was looking for the breakthrough, when I just wanted to be there already, when I was just ready to, when do I get to rest? Right? It was from a place of  Result like there is a result they set out to create and I haven't reached it yet, right?

I remember I think it was like the you know 100k mark like  I just want six figures and i'm gonna do whatever it takes to get there and then like, you know I'm getting all the coaching i'm getting all the inner work. I'm doing all the  I'm doing everything I need to be doing and I'm not getting there yet.

I'm close. I'm getting closer. I'm moving forward. I see that I'm in the right direction, but it just gets tiring of having this result that feels like that's the ultimate goal. What happens is when this is the ultimate goal is that you lose track of what The journey. You stop enjoying the present. You know, all the inner work is no fun anymore.

Now it's just inner work to lead you somewhere. And that's not very motivating, right? It's like, I have to do this because I, you know, I have to get there. It's like, no, the whole point of all inner work and the whole point of creating this destination for yourself  as a goal. Is so that you know where you're going so that you know you're moving in that direction so that you have clarity about what needs to be done next, but not so that you can attach yourself to the results to the point that you are losing focus of what really matters and what really matters is the present moment because that is all we have.

And that is all we can control and do anything about.  So Thank you. it would be very sad to get to that place. And I definitely have been there. And so that's why I am warning you, do not let yourself get  distracted  by the goal, get distracted by the destination, right? Just because I plugged it into. My GPS does not mean that now this is the only thing I'm going to think about for the rest of the day.

Now I'm on my way there. I can look at out the window and I can enjoy the show and I can, you know, look at the road and be careful from things that are coming towards me and whatever I still need to live. I still need to drive. I still need to be. So  don't let that happen to you. That's my warning.  So what is the goal? 

The goal is to live each moment to the fullest, right? To just be present. And by the way, if you have a problem being present,  take a deep breath because the deep breath is right here right now. It's not going anywhere. It's not in the past. It's not in the future. Your body  is only in the present. As one of the things that your body does is it cannot be in the past or in the future.

Only your brain can. So if you are in your head a lot and you're thinking too much about what's going to be and how it was and projecting and  just, you know, ground your feet hold your body,  focus on your fingers, do something yoga, whatever works for you to connect you to help you get re centered. 

Get into the moment. Okay,  the next thing of what is the ultimate goal and what actually matters is our connection with God It's our relationship with God. It's really the why we're here, right and it's really important and you know it leads us to lighting up the world because when we have that alignment and We understand that it's just between me and God and that I am here to serve this you know, ultimate goal of having a relationship.

It leads me to light up the world. It leads me to be that light for other people.  So this brings us to step three, which is get focused on the why. We 

are so caught up with how, when we get into this burnout stage, we just feel like icky and,  you know, I just don't want to do this anymore. I can't deal. It's too much.  I just want to break, you know, give me a minute to breathe all these different things.  Those thoughts are all coming from. I'm holding it all.

It's all on me. I am carrying all the weight.  And in reality,  It's because you're so hung up with the how.  If you could just focus on the why,  then everything else would be easier. So what is the why? The why is God.  It's God's will, right?  My big why of why I do what I do is because I want to bring God's presence home.

So it's home to ourselves, home to You know, into our home and home to God's home. Those are like my main, main focus, main thing that I am here to do is bring God's presence home.  And  that helps me focus because then if I don't  have it all figured out, or if I don't. know how to do something.  I'm not stopped.

I'm just made aware that I can't do this alone. I need support. I need help. I need guidance. And who better to ask for guidance and support than straight from God. So I want you to realize that if we're here to connect to God, and we're here to receive from God, then we're also able to turn to God. That's the whole point of having a relationship with someone, right?

If I have a relationship with someone, then I feel comfortable talking to them and telling them about my issues and asking them for advice and asking them for help and guidance and all that stuff. So, stop playing God. And start turning to God  and allowing him into your business, into your life, into your inner work.

Okay, so it's like, it's not all on me. It's not all about my inner work and my mindset shifts and all the stuff that all the blocks I'm going to get, you know, rid of and the limiting beliefs and all that stuff. That's not going to get me to the result. Yes, it's very helpful.  But it's not the ultimate way.

The ultimate way is  to turn to God and bring him into the situation. And then I'm not on my own anymore. Then we're a team. Then I have a partner. Then I have who to turn to. Then I have who to, you know, really lean on  and he'll figure out the how.  He's way better at that, guys. He is so good at figuring out the how.

God is so good at connecting people and, you know, creating roadmaps and just showing you what's the next step and giving you the crumbs along the way. Like, it's all so awesome if you let it be. Okay, so that is the main thing is don't Get so hung up on the how  and instead just keep focusing on the why and the why is always God God I am here for you.

I'm here for this I'm showing up because I feel like this is what you want me to do And hey, if this is not what you want me to do I'm totally cool with you letting me know what you want me to do instead like just readjust You know, you show me what you want if all the doors are closing and i'm feeling like oh I just can't get it right Maybe god is trying to tell me something and so instead of fighting it and going like that i'm going to allow it To guide me so I am going from working hard to working smart I'm letting it be easy.

I'm allowing god to Let me know what needs to happen. I'll take I'll take the action. I'm not afraid of taking action I just don't want to have to figure it all out myself. I don't want it to all be on my shoulders I don't want to feel like it's all on me because then it just doesn't feel fun anymore. 

It's not the type of work I want to be doing. Okay,  so let's wrap it up. Will I have to do mindset work forever?  Probably. You don't have to. You get to if you want to. And when you want to, then it feels great. And when you don't want to, give yourself permission to just take a break. It's not all on you.

Right. I would rather you focus on connecting to God  and turning to him, then I would want you to, you know, just check mark. Like I did the mindset work. I journaled, I, I scheduled, you know, meditation. I did the thing that is supposed to get me there. No, nothing's going to get you there. If God doesn't want you there.

Right. And. God can get you there even without you doing anything. I know a lot of people who get to very successful things without having done any mindset work, just because.  You know, God worked it out for them. And yes, I'm sure they learned things along the way, and I'm sure that they're always, you know, discovering new things because it's just the nature of  being  in that world of constant growth, right?

The external growth is equivalent to your capacity to hold that. So I definitely think that a lot of people are Doing the work, even if they're not intentionally like working hard at it,  but it's never going to end  because.  It feels good to get intentional. It feels good to be in the super conscious and not in the sub conscious.

It feels good to lean into your potential and actually see movement and actually see action and actually see yourself moving in the right direction. It feels good. So you're not going to want to stop mindset work, we just want to stop the overwhelm and the feeling of having to do it all that makes the mindset work feel so heavy. 

Do you see the difference? So I want you to let it get easier  in a way that like you don't have to carry it all on your shoulders. I want you to let it get smoother by following the guidance of the one who knows everything and is perfect and loving and is going to get you there. And I want you to stop mistaking the goal  for the end game.

It's like,  it's just not, it's here to guide you. Right? Like  if somebody sets, I want to be a millionaire as their goal post. Okay. They get to a million and then what? That's always like the biggest letdown is like, okay, I'm here. What happens next? Right. Or like, I got to the top of the mountain.

What do I do?  Like, do I dance?  Do I go in circles? Like, what happens next? What's the next thing that's supposed to happen? And that's a big letdown, too, if you're not ready for it. So  instead of making the thing the thing, just Understand that the thing is to take you in the right direction. It's just so that you have something to plug into your GPS.

It's so that you have a destination that gives you all the information you need on how to get there. So I am ready to get there. I'm looking forward to get there. I am very much praying that I'll get there and, you know, feel that successful feeling of, yes, I made it, but it's not all or nothing. It's not all about that.

Okay. So  I want you to continue doing the mindset work with a smile. And if you're not feeling the smile, then stop and go back to these main points.  Okay? It will feel easy  when you can release the need to control it. It will feel fun when you can bring God into it and just feel like all you need to do is follow.

All you need to do is look for the guidance. All you need to do is listen. Listen for the answers. That feels good, right?  And I want you to just yeah.  Be present and be in the journey and live right now  and make now  the thing that feels really good. Okay. So instead of waiting for something to  get me there, like, are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Be like. I am here right now. Yes, I'm on my way somewhere,  but as I get there, I can really enjoy every single moment. Allow yourself, give yourself permission to, and we're going to talk about that more in the next episode, but this was super fun. What I want you to do is.

I want you to send me any topics or questions that you have because I am planning my new fiscal year And i'm doing a lot of content creation. I'm doing a lot of brainstorming. I am Coming up with a lot of amazing amazing subjects and topics that I want to talk about I have a ton of content up my sleeves and I don't want you to miss it.

So number one is subscribe And number two is let me know if you have any questions or want me to address anything because then I can know to schedule that in and to plug that in. Also, if you have any guests that you want me to have, or if you want to connect us, please let us, you know, do that because having guests is one of my favorite things and I love it.

And you guys know  if you go on the live. Tab on YouTube, you will see the actual videos of me with the guests. And that's really fun too. Even though on the podcast, obviously it's all audio. Sometimes it's fun to watch, watch people and their facial expressions. Okay.  If you are ready to commit in this new fiscal year to making a difference in your life and to get into this flow.

Then I do have a three month private coaching program that starts right now. It's just you and me. There is no group, there is no time commitment. It is really for you to reprogram the way that you see yourself. and open yourself up to becoming the version of you that you're feeling called to be.

 That's really all it's about. And I used to have masterminds. I used to have group things, but now thank God I am expecting. And I would much rather use this time to focus on direct results that have to do 100 percent with you and you only you do get as part of this access to all of my sessions from the groups.

So there's a lot that you can delve into.  But I think the first step right now would be to schedule a deep dive discovery call. And that way we can really create a custom plan for you to get the direction solidify the road map. And, you know, you can ask me any questions about how we can work together and make this really work. 

So in order to do that, if you go to connected for real. com slash coaching, and you'll have a button there to schedule a call,  or you can email me at advice at connected for real. com. Okay. Thank you so much. All the best to you. And I am super excited about all there is to come. So definitely make sure that you are subscribed and ready to go in this new fiscal year.

I'll see you next week.  Don't forget to be connected for real. And that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Rebbetzin Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.