94. Lowering the Volume on Yourself?

 Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

This is Rebbetzin Bat-Chen speaking to you from a mini episode, I think it's so important. I have a ton of guests and I have a ton of really amazing content. But one of the things that I want you to know is that I actually have one on one spots available for you to work with me. And the way I am working with people now is in three month increments.  We go really, really deep, and I want to invite you because this is something that is extremely valuable, extremely practical and will completely break through in your journey to the next level. And I know this is a little bit difficult to say, because it sounds like all other coaches are saying the same thing, but I want to remind you that myself

my specialty is the intersection between business and marriage, how your marriage is affected by your business, how your business is affected by your marriage. And today I want to talk to you a little bit about turning down the volume on yourself. I found myself doing this when I was a graphic designer, especially during the times when I  was getting really, really high up there in my peak.

I was a graphic designer for 15 years. I worked on Fifth Avenue. And then when we came to Israel, I worked with a top graphic designer, Ben Gassner, and I loved every minute of it. And one of the things that happened after a big meeting in the big city of Tel Aviv?

I rented a car. I went all the way there. I was there all day with them. They cared about my opinions. They cared about my expertise. They made me feel very important because they listened to everything I suggested. And it just felt. Amazing. I remember feeling like I was on the top of the world. I finally got good clients who got me and who understood what I was about.

They saw the value in paying me and it just felt really right. And then, you know, I drove home. I came pretty late after a full day of work.  I parked the car. I brought the bags home and right as I was walking towards the door, I remember pausing. Right before I opened the door and turning the knob down on myself, like, really,  I saw this.

It's so clear in my mind. I'm very visual. And I just remember feeling like I had to turn down the volume on myself. I knew that if I walked into the house right now in a situation where my husband was the one who was in charge of all the kids all afternoon. and he made supper and he's feeling frustrated because he doesn't feel successful in his endeavors and he's, you know, not feeling heard and not feeling appreciated and all the stories he is living through all that.

And then having me walk in and be at my height of, woohoo. Oh my gosh, so many wins. I'm so excited. I am so happy. I am on the top of the world was going to hurt his feelings. And so I remember very, very consciously Turning down the volume on myself.  Now, what this did was it turned down the volume on me and I held it in.

I bottled it up. I was afraid to make him jealous. I didn't want him to think that.  I was better than him. I didn't want him to feel bad about me making more money than him. I just didn't want him to see me this happy because I knew it would make him feel worse. And so I did what every good wife does and I tiptoed around and I, I walked on eggshells and I avoided the topic. 

And basically I bottled it in, except when you bottle anything in, it starts to bubble and eventually explodes. And that's exactly what happened to me. It exploded, but it exploded big. I was getting ready for bed. My husband was getting ready for bed. We were in the room. Everybody was already sleeping. And I remember so clearly just, you know, he asked me something completely random that had nothing to do with anything.

And I just went off on him about how he is so, you know, blah blah blah, and you don't support me, and you don't care, and I'm trying so hard, and here I have all these things on my shoulders, and I'm so annoyed with you and all of the things that you're doing to me. And he was like, what am I doing to you?

And I was like, you're holding me back. It's your fault that I'm not ahead. It is your You're the one who is the reason for the fact that I am not bigger and I'm still small and I'm, you know, being held back and,  oh, I got it all out of my system. I was physically exhausted. I was emotionally exhausted from having to do it all.

But the all that I'm talking about wasn't so much going to work and doing the things and also having kids and whatever. It was more that burden of having to protect him from feeling worse, watching him feel bad about his own life, and then having to make sure I don't make it worse.  And that, you know, tiptoeing around his emotions was.

Exhausting and draining. And I just couldn't contain myself. It had to all come out. And when it did come out, thank God. If you guys know my husband, he is the most amazing husband in the world.  I'm only allowed to speak about him because I love him so much. And because I appreciate everything that he has done and is doing.

It's just amazing how much my husband is. You know, people say a Saint, I won't, I won't go that far, but he's definitely an amazing husband and thank God in that moment, he was smart enough and good enough to just not say anything and let it roll over. Sort of, you know, just fly by.  He let me say it all and I got it all out of my system.

And what happened was I heard all of my thoughts at loud.  And that was when I realized.  I had a lot of thoughts  and  there was a lot of work to do.  And from that point on, the rest is history. As soon as I got back to myself and I was able to think clearly, I knew exactly what I needed to do. And I was able to improve my marriage, communicate better, what I need on a technical level, on a physical level, on emotional level, just, you know, the support that I needed.

I needed to be able to celebrate my wins. I needed to be able to be myself. I need to be able to shine and. I told him that, you know, and, and in response he did, he was there for me and it was just amazing. And then I also needed to thrive in my business because here I am, I have a gift. I know I'm really good at this.

I know that God made me extremely gifted in what I am doing. And so I just felt like holding myself back and under earning and getting small clients was not what I was meant for.  And I knew that I was being called to grow big. Right. And that was the breakthrough. The breakthrough was realizing that Both of these things mattered to me.

It mattered to me that my marriage was strong and that I had a husband who actually was supportive and that I didn't have to pretend  that I was being nice.  I didn't have to pretend that I wasn't as happy as I was, or I didn't have to pretend that I wasn't as excited about certain things like.

I just could be myself and I could be accepted the way I am. And then I also was really honest with myself and I didn't want to pay a price with my business. You know, I didn't want to feel like I have to hold myself back or stay small because marriage is more important to me. You know, like that was such a.

Double bind. It was a lie. It wasn't true. And that's one of the things that I fight for every single time I'm on this podcast. And every single time I have a client and every single time I'm a guest in anywhere, this is my mission to make it clear that marriage and business don't have to fight for your energy.

They don't have to pull you apart. They actually could work together with alignment to make you the best version of yourself. That you can.  So all of that to say that after that breakthrough, that experience led me to create my own method and my own systems that I use with my clients now. But first I had to use them on myself, right?

And so I got bigger clients. I made more money. I had bigger opportunities open up in my business and my husband started helping more. He started making supper. He started helping out more with the kids. He was more attentive. He was listening more and he was celebrating my wins with me, which was one of the biggest things that I was feeling resentful about.

It was so nice to just be able to tell him. And even though he didn't get the details of what I'm talking about and he didn't really understand, I wanted to know that I could turn to him for advice that I could turn to him for, you know, that support that I needed on the emotional level of my business.

And the gates just opened up and everything just fell into a flow. And this is what I want you to have. Also. I want you to get out of this stuck situation to get out of this, this or that situation to get out of feeling like I can't.  Push more because then I'll have to pay a price or I can't grow. I can't thrive.

I can't make more money or I can't be bigger than I am. I can't expand because me expanding means someone else has to give up space. And that's not true. Right. There is enough room for all of us to expand. There is plenty of space and we need to get into that expansion and abundance mindset in order to really tap into creating that flow. 

And I want this for you. I want this for you because you deserve to have a good marriage that feels really, really good, supportive, and  a place where you get to be yourself. Without having to hold back anything. And I also want you to have a good business because there's a reason why you're in business.

You have some real gifts to give and you have something that the world needs. And sometimes it feels like we want to lean into our businesses more because we just feel more appreciated. And we feel like, you know, people there get us and get the value that we bring, but it's not the right way to go about it.

You know, just leaning into your business and being like, pretending that this is going to fix everything is actually not going to work. Look at all the examples of all these women who've reached millions and then turned around and were like, Oh, what happened? Now I'm all alone having my million.

So I want you to know that. You can reach the million. You can reach the six figures. You can reach whatever abundance means to you and still have a really strong rock solid marriage that supports your business, that supports you and your expansion that holds you. When you need to be held. This is what it's all about.

And I'm inviting you to schedule a deep dive discovery call with me.  What a deep dive discovery call is, is basically 60 minutes with me. It's a free call. There is nothing you need to do or pay for, but you come prepared. You come prepared with what are my obstacles? What's holding me back? What are the things that I need to get rid of or.

Treat or heal or address before I can really break through and we're going to extract these three things together. You don't have to have them all figured out, but once we figure out what your big main three obstacles are that are holding you back, what we're going to do is create a road map of recommendations with practical steps that you can then go and take and implement. 

Now, of course, this is an invitation to work with me. I work privately with you for three months and you get access to all of my content. I have sessions. I have trainings. I have meditations.  I even have the intimacy masterclass one and two now, and there's going to be some extra things that are sprinkled in throughout this new coming year. 

And you have access to all of that. Usually you have access for the three months you're working with me, but now, because I am expecting you'll have it for six months, which is actually super cool. So you get three months with me, but you also get six months with my stuff. And I know you're ready. I know you're ready because you have big dreams and you have a big life to live.

And. You've been wanting to find that balance for a very long time and you've been living in the overwhelm for long enough to know that it's actually not working for you. I know you're ready. You're ready for your marriage to feel supportive of you. Of who you are without having to put on any masks or any facades or any protective mechanisms just to try to survive. 

I know you're ready to break the ceiling that's keeping you small because there's this big thing that, Oh, I just need enough. I don't need to make it too big. I'll just, I'm just okay with making it enough.  No, no, there's so much more coming to you. And God wants you to have abundance. And I want you to know that.

The ceiling that you put on yourself of just enough is like telling yourself, just breathe enough. Don't take a deep breath. Just take a shallow breath every so often, and you'll be able to survive. It's not about surviving. This world is about thriving. This world was created for you to connect to God and really come alive.

And really play the game, really be yourself to the fullest and the most abundant way possible. And I know you're ready to let God in to your experience, to let God into the picture, to let God help you work smarter and not harder so that you don't have to fall into that workaholic wheel of, I just need to do more in order to feel like I'm worthy, whatever, right?

No, you need to let God in and just heal all that and guide and help and show. It's so fun to live life when God is in the picture. It is so fun to live life when you are not in the mud anymore. Now you're suddenly breathing fresh air and you see some things from different. Perspectives, life changes, and you can have that.

And I know that you're ready because if you weren't ready, you wouldn't be listening to this all the way to the end. So let's put together a personalized plan for you go sign up for the. 60 minute deep dive discovery call. And I'll even throw in a free coaching tip about how to speak to your husband about working together, because I find that that is one of the first things we have to deal with when we are trying to work on our marriage is making sure that we're on the same page with why we're investing in this.

Cause it really matters. So let's go. I want to see you in my calendar. I'm ready to put together this plan with you and really give you the roadmap to success, to real success. So not just external looking success, but that rock solid feeling that you want from having all the things in your life working exactly.

Inflow for you. So I'm looking forward to seeing you and thank you for listening to this mini episode and enjoy all the guests that are coming your way. And I love, love to be in your ears. So thank you very much. That's it for today. Thank you so much for listening. And I look forward to speaking with you in a deep dive discovery call.

You'll be able to find the link right in the show notes below. And if you are on the email list, make sure you check your email because you'll be able to find the link right there as well.  All the best, and I will see you next time. Don't forget to be connected for real. And that's it! Thank you for listening  to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.