109. How to Serve G-d With Happiness

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started.  

 And we are live.  Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman and today with me is Rebbetzin Orit Esther Riter and I'm so excited. Big, big deal here. Okay. Today's topic is happiness and God. You guys know that there are four pillars that I work with God, marriage, business and you and we are focusing today specifically on happiness.

And how that. Has to do with our relationship with God. So  first introduce yourself or read Esther. Sorry. I don't know if I'm allowed to break the name. Yeah. Usually we go with the first name, but I'm a stickler to, I'm one who emphasizes both names. Yeah. I love it. Thank God my parents gave me one name. 

Imagine the parents to give their kids three names.  I know, I know people with foreign names. Okay, so, Orit Ester, introduce yourself, tell us why you're so awesome, and then we'll get right into it. Oh wow, okay, this is, this is, I love the, I love the vibe of the interview, you know, I do energy work. Yes, I'm Orit Ester Riter.

Director and founder of Or Emuna, an online holistic Jewish Institute. I'm an author. Thank you, Hashem. Everything that I do, I say, thank you, God, for giving me the merit to have come to this place, but I've authored two books. My third one is on the way. God willing, it will be published  in stores before Passover, before Pesach.

And my primary I don't say work of the day is mentoring women and mostly women, but men as well around the world, and Emuna, in the belief and trust and loyalty to one God, and dedicating our lives to the service of God, and finding the purpose and ultimate reason of why we're here.

Connecting in a more conscious level to the soul's mission. And that's done through various different programs online programs and my programs. I primarily spend a lot of my time doing energy work. In the kosher way with the rabbinical supervision and dealing with healing, healing and dealing all my life.

I'm filled with trauma. Who isn't? I'm trying to find my happiness. Who isn't? And in the reality of it all, just trying to rise above the craziness to really, really feel that we're doing something and we have a purpose in life.  Yes. I love it. Oh my goodness. And. When we were chatting about what the topic is going to be, you know, happiness, just  It came to me and I was like, we have to talk about this.

And you're like,  really? 

You know, and it's funny because I think the happiest people feel that happiness is their challenge and it's. It's really ironic. I know people tell me I'm too happy, you know, Oh my gosh, you're too happy. That's the wavelength that I am most comfortable in. 

And for a long time. I was very uncomfortable being happy because other people were uncomfortable with me being happy. So I had to really learn to lean into my own happiness and, you know, own it and be okay with it. So I think there is a journey for every person when it comes to happiness. Can I butt in what you just said because I have to tell you  I grew up in a in a you know Traumatic childhood and one of the things I remember as a child is very very happy.

It was a happy child I loved to play and I would always do the crazy things on the swings and climb on places She shouldn't climb and I don't know if I could say I was I was a tomboy, but I definitely was I think I was born sort of more on the happier side.  And I grew up in a home where there was so much I guess pain and trauma and misery that it was actually somewhat spoon fed, this idea of how are you happy when everyone around you is, is, is miserable.

And I had to, I learned, I, I kind of like, you know, tapping off of what you said, I kind of like learned as though, how can I be happy when so much misery is going on around me? And I, I was led to feel guilty. To be happy when there's so much misery and, and in today's world, where we're in Adar and we're supposed to be happy and yet look, what's going on in the world.

 It's a big paradox for many of us that we're holding on to.  Yes. Yes. And I love how you brought the guilt. You know, the shame. There's something wrong with you if you're happy.  I mean, what is wrong with you? Why are you so happy? I like you're saying that and you're laughing. You're saying that and you're laughing.

Because I, I just  think it's funny that we fall into that belief when in reality God wants us to be happy, right? We were just discussing in one of the classes that I was in the story about the two Chabad people who were in jail and they had the, you know, the two  brothers.  The bucket of, you know, the toilet bucket in their cell and they can't pray because they can't pray with a toilet right here and they were so miserable and they were annoyed and they were frustrated and they were like, oh, I can't believe it.

We can't do God's will. And then they were like, wait a minute. Maybe this is God's will and they started dancing and they're happy and they're, you know, just like woohoo. And the cell people were like, why are you so happy? You're not supposed to be happy, right? You're in a cell. Right. And I was like, oh, we're so happy we have this toilet thing in our cell.

And they were like, Well, that's not fair. We don't want you happy. And they took away the toilet thing. And it's like, great. Now we can pray, you know? So it's like, until you are happy with what you have, you're not going to be able to be happy with where you want to be, right? Because you're constantly running to where you're not.

And I have to learn this for myself. And I think that that's why I'm laughing and smiling as I'm saying this, because it is so Ridiculous how normal it is for us to feel guilty. And ashamed of feeling happy, and how long did I think I was broken? Because there's something wrong with me because I'm not empathetic enough or because I'm not depressed enough or, you know, I don't know what Right.

People are expecting me to be a normal teenager or something. Right.  The, the, the Baal Shem Tov teaches us, the head of has  sector who brought Hasidism into the world. He said he teaches and he leaves behind a really important legacy that we understand, you know, when we stand and we pray in front of God, and we're asking for salvation and for him to listen to us.

So he says what the gate of tears. It's always left open and our tears can always seep in through the bottom opening the, the crack the bottom of the door that it gets always seep in, even though the gates are so to speak locked,  but what you can achieve and happiness to have your, your prayers answered, he says, goes way beyond any tears. 

And and Rebbe Nachman, his great grandson brings down and he says you know, the formula to living a quote unquote ideal life. And again, we're creating formulas here, but it gives us a gauge, right? 23 hours of happiness. and one hour of broken heart and heartedness when you hitbodedut the secluded prayer with God, not from a formal prayer book, not because you have a text, but just sitting and talking self therapy one on one seclusion, you know, with with Hashem with God and and and pouring out your heart with broken heartedness.

And  can I say it's sadness? Yeah, we could say it's sadness, but it's really brokenness of brokenness over exile of brokenness of Die, like, stop already. I can't deal with this exile anymore. Like, God, really, like, bring it on. Bring on the redemption already, right? But 23 hours. You don't have to feel guilty to be in line with living your life to its fullest.

Even yeah, with happiness, with a smile, with a crack of a smile, at least on your face.

Yeah. But what happens when it's just too hard, right? There is just life happens and You're in a reality that is not ideal, and it's not what you wanted, and you're like, you want me to be happy right now? Really? Seriously? How do we even start? I think people who are listening are being like, yeah, it's very nice that you guys are all naturally happy and all, but you know, how do you deal with real life? 

First of all, I want to make it very clear. I'm not, it's not that I say I was naturally happy as a child. Then I got thrown into conditioning that don't be happier. You have to feel guilty that you are, and I'm working, I'm working. So let me first address one thing that I think is so important. This learning, this, what I'm about to tell you, but not just learning it in the brain, but internalizing and letting it really steep in the, in the heart was huge, huge task, and it still is for me today,  we're given the commandment.

Yivdu et Hashem b'simcha, serve Hashem b'simcha, with happiness. And we know Adar, right, this month that we're in, it says mar bim b'simcha, one of the commandments, so to speak, one of the energies, so to speak, is mar bim b'simcha. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be happy all year round. It means it, you know, accentuate, add on, infuse it with greater levels.

Happiness and joy. We'll talk about that if we have a chance of, of what, what that means and what the Torah exactly directs us to do, and what is the instruction. But the idea is, look at the wording 

in Hebrew. That means du means voda.  It means work to find happiness in the service of God.  What is that telling you? That means in order to serve God from happiness.  I have to work. It's not something that comes naturally. So I want to let go of all of those hypotheses of, of, I should be happy. Look at all that I have counts my blessings.

Okay. Again, ideally, yes, absolutely. Check, check, check, check, check,  but we're not in ideal situations here. And we're here to address situations that we fall into. And the Torah knows this, and God knows this. And he recognizes this and he's compassionate about this, that it's not easy to serve him bsimcha.

It's not easy to be. Look, when you go into Barnes and Noble, self help books are all about happiness. There's a reason why everyone's writing one coming from this angle and that angle and this one and Buddha and this. I don't know, like all the religions and all the, the, the systems of healing. Because it's work. 

So first of all, have compassion.  When I learned that I have to be compassionate over the fact that it doesn't come naturally. No, for goodness sakes. It does not come naturally to me  for me to be the same cop. I have to work at it. I have to clarify. I have to think of systems, I have to see what pathway is going to bring me to that place of happiness.

First of all, be compassionate over the times that it's not easy for you, no matter how lucky everyone says you are.  Understand that there are a lot of things thrown at you that are going to try to shift you away from that and you have to work towards your happiness.  Right. Yeah, it's definitely something that you have to be conscious and intentional about.

You know, anything you think is just going to come naturally to you is actually going to be a disappointment because, sorry to break it to you guys, we are in this world.  And this world is meant for us to, you know, labor through. meant for us to become. And the only way you're going to become is by having a part in the work.

I really love, I was in a class where the teacher said,  anything you, anything, any,  you know  thing that you learn, you should stop trying to find what other people say about it and start thinking for yourself, what does this mean to me? And he just gave an example of who is  rich, like, you know, who is wealthy as it was here has some math, but who is rich, the person who is happy with his lot, but the Hebrew word helco, his part, his lot to me suddenly made this 

huge aha moment. And because he said, we're supposed to try to really connect to what it means to us, I thought to myself, it doesn't matter how rich you are, if you had nothing to do with it, right? If you didn't do anything to accomplish, if you didn't put any effort. Into becoming rich then you're not going to appreciate it as much as somebody who said, you know what?

I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to you know, go to this class I'm going to do the thing it takes i'm going to get out of my own comfort zone I'm gonna you know, i'm gonna put in my part. Of course god is the one who does it all and he orchestrates everything and everything has fallen into place exactly as it needs to be and You had a part in that so that you can feel accomplished, so that you can feel wealthy, so that you can feel really good about yourself.

And it's so beautiful, right? And I think this is the exact thing we're talking about. It's like, if you think, oh, it's just supposed to happen to me, I'm not going to feel that good because it's almost like, okay. Great. You know, there's a high and winning the lottery, but then you don't really  contain it the same way as when you built yourself up in order to contain something that big.

Right. Well you're saying exactly and tapping into exactly the reason why we as being created in the image of God,  the awesome.  responsibility, obligation, but awesome ability to actually wear a garment called co creator to wear and to step into the title of what it means to be a co creator.

And I don't, I don't think we spend enough time  really relishing in what that means. What does it mean that God gave me the ability to emulate his ways that I'm created in his. image and his shadow, however you want to call it in his light.  What does that mean? It means that I was created with limitations.

I was created with, with  defective parts. I don't know. Like I have to be very real here. I was created with imperfections. I was created with things I have to refine. I was created not perfect. And I have to now. Tap into an expanded version or a renewed version or a 2024 version, however you want to call it, of myself and expand and become and change and elevate. 

And with that comes tremendous feelings of elation, of conquering, of strength, of stretching, of miraculous being in touch with me. God waits for us at the end of the journey. He's always there. He's pumping us along with pom poms and all. But you know what? At the end of the day, he sees what we are becoming.

You know, I heard this beautiful, beautiful. I like it's the most sweetest, one of the most sweetest stories that I heard from Rabbi David Aaron.  And he says, we shouldn't be naming ourselves human beings. He said we should call ourselves human becomings because we are becoming. We're not being we're not in this world to be.

We are in this world to become you. And unless you can appreciate the baderech, that I'm on the way, unless you appreciate what the word means, Evet Hashem, to be a servant of Hashem means to be in your avoda. It means I'm working towards. That elated, you know, to wear that garment, to wear the garb called an Evet Hashem, to be a servant of Hashem, to serve the master of the universe.

It's a high end rank role, alright? We have to appreciate that. But to understand that to be an Evet, to be a servant, means I have to be in my Avodah. Yes, I have to roll up my sleeves. And so I'm getting to work and I wonder, and to live in that place of wonder, I wonder,  I'm not so interested in how are you going to test me today, G0d, but I wonder how I will be supported in my journey of growth.

And I wonder how I'll find you on my way to being your servant. And I wonder what will become of me because I am a becoming in the next world. We are beings. We don't, we can't do anything. We're in the status that we created. We only have our kids and our ancestors and all the things we left behind to, to help us become more, but we ourselves can't do more.

This is the world of elevation of doing.  And that's all part of being b'simcha, that's all part of the avoda, the work is to be happy, anticipate, and yearn and crave to want to overcome those challenges. It's not easy, but that's what we really ideally need to be doing.  I love it. And I just saw something really beautiful.

You know how people say we should create a mantra. I am you know what you want to become. So if you're not happy and you want to be happy, you say I am happy except your brain's gonna go. Yeah, right. Not really. Right. So she says, instead of fighting your brain and getting all that resistance, just add the word becoming I am becoming happy and suddenly it's realistic.

It's, you know, you are 1 percent more happy than you were yesterday just by wanting to be happy and just by trying to be happy and working towards being happy. So I love that you're saying becoming is it's also the right word to add in some of those. You know, almost unbelievable mantras that you say. Like, I don't know if I'm happy now, but I am definitely okay with saying I'm becoming happy.

And that's, that's just like a little shortcut that you can  almost trick your brain into being okay with this one, you know, don't no resistance here.  So I'm going to also tap into that. So I teach a program called energy training level one and level two, and I train, I deal with energy, you know, healing and help people tap into their energy, their force of life.

And it's on a subconscious level and, and energy is consciousness. Energy is your vital force of life that keeps you inspired, that keeps you happy, that enables you to go with the flow of life. And, you know, that's how we look for blockages. What's stopping me? What's putting me in victim mode and so on and so forth.

One of the things that we do in energy training level one. I'm just now literally yesterday was the first day of this new group.  Is we do a forgiving and letting go.  And that's a big, big, it's one of our clearing tools. You know, the ways that we clear our energy. Flow, we open up the flow and that's a really hard day.

It's a hard part. It's a very intense program. There's a lot of emotional detox that goes along with it. So one of the the ways that the, the way of doing forgiving and letting go, at least I say one of the ways I'm level one is I have an audio meditation called forgive and let go. And I put them through it on the live in the live program.

And then I also have the audio of it. And that's when we, when we intuitively pick up that we have to do a forgiving, let go to clear our energy fields, we listen to the audio and we do it. So one of the things. that I put in there and one of the parts is, I forgive you. We put the person in front of us, I forgive you.

And either I send you away with a full heart or I accept you back into my heart with a full heart. Again, I give options because it's not one size fits all. But I started in the last few years. Because we're working on a subconscious level. And like you exactly said, the subconscious mind will push away.

What it does not feel is your truth.  I, I always say to my students, I put in a back door. If you feel that you cannot say, I forgive you and I accept you back with a full heart, you will say the following and graduate slowly to that sentence. You say, I will work on forgiving you  and bringing you back into my heart, right?

And bringing you, so you testify and proclaim you're in your avodah, that you're doing the work. That you're going to become conscious, that you're going to yearn, and be motivated and ambitious to reach that goal. And you'll continue to do it, until one day you can do that, forgive and let go, and you can actually, with tears streaming down, you can say, I forgive you.

I forgive you, and I bring you back into my heart and send you away with a full heart. So, exactly that. Be real. Be real.  I love this reminded me of my teacher, Mrs Price in high school. She was just so funny. It was a comedy show being in her class. I loved it. And one of the things that she said was every day you have to say Hashem, I love you, right?

God, I love you. And if you don't feel like you love God, you say, God, I want to love you. And if you don't love God because you have no interest in loving a God that maybe you're annoyed at or whatever, then you have to say,  God, I want to want to love you. And what if you don't want to want to love God, then you say, God, I want to want to want to want to want to want to want to love you.

And it was so real because it's like. Your will, your, your want is so strong that if you want something, you're going to get there. So want it, at least want it. And it was, oh, it was such a good, strong memory for me that it goes with me everywhere. I must, I must have a connection with Mrs. Price. I must somehow know her from a past lifetime because.

If you tap into my program called Crown to Kingship, where I talk about the ten spheras and the ten, you know, manifestations of God's presence in your body on my  Oramuna. org website,  I speak about, it's, it was originally called Ratzon Chabura, it was called the, the I don't know, the partnership of increasing your, your will or your desires or elevating your desires, because that's what Ratzon is.

And. That's exactly what I talk about. I talk about what if you don't have a desire? What if you don't want to be a better wife to be more patient? You're just like,  I'm done with it in there. Done that no more. So exactly that. And I talk about that also in regards to Israel, right? There are a lot of people who.

You know, they're not here. They're not here. They, they maybe want it. Maybe they don't want it. And I'm, and I explained to a lot of people, no passing judgments, but at the end of the day, for a Jewish soul to not want to have a connection to the land of Israel,  there's a disconnect because every Jew should somehow feel very connected to the land.

I mean, that's just, it's in our scriptures, right? So if you don't want to be here or you don't love Israel, then like exactly what you say. And I. And plenty of my recordings, I say, if you don't want, ask Hashem to want to want. And if not, want to want to want. And the same thing. But you're right. It's such it's tolerance is to be tolerance with where you're holding and to be real with where you're at.

  Hey! Before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly? Feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one on one private coaching is for and I want to invite you, just you and me, for a free deep dive discovery call.

This is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions and we extract the three main things that are holding you back. I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations with practical steps.  The call is free and so valuable in itself. So go book yours today.

Now back to the show. 

  I actually have a friend who was not interested at all in making Aliyah and moving to Israel. She was like, I was here for the year. I got what I needed, not interested at all. And then she went out with this guy who says, I will only marry you. If you come with me to Israel and she says, but I don't want to live there.

And he's like, well, then you can want it. And he showed her that Rebbe Nachman has a prayer to want to live in Israel. I want to want to live in Israel. Help me want it. Help me want what is good for me. Help me want what you want for me. And she said it every single day. They ended up getting married and they live here and she talks about it.

She says, you do not understand how life changing it is to allow yourself to want something that you think you don't want  and to become the person who actually wants it. Like now she says, I can't even imagine my life any other way. I am so happy here. I am so grateful that my husband did this and  they're so sweet and so great.

But this made me realize, you know, I, I have a class called the intimacy masterclass and I talk about intimacy. And one of the things is that, you know, some people have this, like, you know, Oh, I just, you know, I'm just in the mood. I'm, you know, I'm so excited on some people are not, they're like, I don't know, whatever.

Maybe, you know, maybe if I. Get into it. I'll eventually get there, you know, and both are just fine. That's the thing that we're so conditioned to think that, if you don't have that spark of, you know, I want to do this, then oh, there's something wrong with you. No, no, this is totally normal to be like, I'm going to build up to wanting something that maybe I don't feel like I want right now.

And it's so exact to this. Is so beautiful how we need to normalize. You're not there yet. And that doesn't mean you're broken. It just means that you don't want it enough. And you know, if you just want it a little bit more at a time, you'll get there and we'll work. We'll work. We'll work to do it.

So this actually brings it brings me to, to want to share the idea of, so, okay. All right. Let's just say I want it. But practically speaking, I know I'm very into practical because we, you know, we speak about a lot of ideas and we're throwing around a lot of ideas. But I know even when I listen, like a catalyst, you know, bottom line is give me give me something to take home, right?

Just tell me what I could do. So  one of the things that, you know, we know as I said before, it's written in  it says that, you know, when Adar comes, you have to increase your happiness. We're given instruction  on how to decrease our happiness. in the month of Av before Tisha B'Av and, you know, around the August time when our temple and our Bet HaMikdash was destroyed.

But there aren't many specific instructions on how. To be the simple on how to increase happiness. And one of the reasons that were is brought down to us or say just tell us is that there really is no formula one size fits all  on what happiness means to you. What brings you happiness is not going to bring me happiness.

In addition to that happiness. It's an inner soul force,  in fact, is if you really look at the spirits that I was talking about before, the way that God's light, so to speak, energy force manifestation comes and translates into my body, into my actual presence at the tippy tippy top called keter, the crown that sits on my head.

There are, there are three energies in that crown. The middle energy is called Ta'anub. It's called pleasure. It's for happiness. It's the source of happiness. And it's very much connected to Emunah, to the faith and loyalty, and living a life of loyalty, and being loyal to that which you know is true in your life.

And it's also very much connected. Sandwiched on the bottom of it is willpower. That's what creates your desire. It's the pleasure that leads you. That's what that means. It means that that which I think will bring me happiness and I trust will bring me happiness will essentially be that pathway that I will create for myself, that will create my desires to implement it and bring it into fruition into my life.

Long story short of it. The bottom line is I'm going to go after that, which I think is going to actually lead me to happiness. And those are going to be my goals. That's where my brain is going to be at. That's where my thoughts will be at. That's where my words will be at. That's where my feelings will be at.

And that's what I will seek to achieve.  But there's no instruction when it comes to happiness because happiness is an inner flow of energy that's going to be translated to each person very, very, very different. But one of the things that we do see, and the Baal Shem Tov teaches us, again, the Rebbe of Chassidu teaches us,  if you look at these parshas, these portions of Torah that we're reading, okay?

We just got done with Mishpatim. Where we're told, here are the laws, right? Elo ha mishpatim. And what did we say when we hear these mishpatim, when we hear these laws? Those that don't make sense, the nonsensical ones. Like, really? Cutting toilet paper on Shabbos is going to ruin my relationship with you, Hashem?

Like, really? Like, really?  Like, I had a hard, I had a hard time with that when I came back to tuba 25 years ago, I could not wrap my pea sized brain around the idea that if I cut toilet paper on the perforated edge, you know the sheets, that's going to be punishable. I couldn't get it. So that's what Mishpatim are about.

Like, you know, there are certain things that God just gives you a formula, just like when you have to, you know, fix your computer and the tech guy is on the phone. He says, press G did it. It's a comma that enter and then your computer works like what? You know, there's certain things that are just formulas.

They're just formulas. They just work. I don't know how they work. Who am I supposed to know the work? It's not my expertise. You're the expert. Okay. I'll just do it. And as long as it works at the end, great. God says, this is what works. And that's what Mishpatim are. So we said to Hashem last week in this week's parasha portion that we read in, in, on Shabbat, I'm going to, I'm going to do these, even if I don't understand it, and yet what is this week's parasha coming up?

Parasha Tumah. Hashem is saying to us, right? What are the exact words? Make for me an offering.  Hashem says, the Baal Shem Tov HaKadosh teaches us like this. He says, listen, when you get, when you have such enthusiasm and we all have this, we all have moments in life where you come out of a class or even maybe coming out of God willing the podcast.

You're like, Oh, that's it. I'm ready. I'm ready to go. I'm going to go  and have this excitement. And Baal Shem Tov HaKadosh says you have an inner arousal of your soul.  Suddenly your soul got bing, bing, jolted with like this enthusiasm of, you know what? I, I love you, God. You know, me and you, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll renew our relationship, right?

What are you supposed to do?  That was Mishpatim, right? You said, okay, I don't understand your ways. I'm moving from Mishpatim, I'm going to Truma. What does Hashem say? Ta'asu li tuma, give to me an offering. All right, now you have an excitement.  You have a moment of happiness, find a practical container,  do something about it, ground it.

Tassuli Mishkan. Make a room in your heart. Do a maise. Create a mode of action. Say, you know what, I'm going to take this enthusiasm and now I want to do something so it will be implemented into my life. So I'm inviting us all that if you're excited, you know, turn on music and dance.  You make a container in your body for that happiness to reside in the cells.

You change the biochemistry of your body. You create an influx of endorphins and oxytocin  and serotonin. You know, all of your chemicals change in your body. Do something about it. Okay, I'll just be happy. No.  Do something about it. Make a phone call, dance, do a mitzvah, a great deed, give charity in the box.

I don't know, something to hold on to it. Right? Right. Take action. I love it. You know that in the five second rule. By Mel Robbins,  she talks about having this, you know, spark of like sudden, Oh, this is what I need to do. And then take action right away. No, don't, don't let it sit for more than five seconds, because if you let it sit, your brain's going to talk you out of it.

And it's.  It's totally based on this, right? It's like you gotta take action. You have to listen and say, oh, now I'm going to, I love that you said, turn on music,  make a phone call, do something that actually gets the ball rolling. Because happiness is created. It's just not gonna come to you. You know, we're sitting around being like, I'm not happy.

I want to be happy, but I'm not happy. So I'm just gonna sit here and wait for the happy thing to hit me in the head, you know? And it's like, it's not happening! The happy thing's not going!  How can you create happiness in your life right now, even with all the stuff that's going on? And That's one of the things that we were talking about  in one of my other classes is, you know, someone said, yeah, do you really react this way?

You know, like when something happens to you, do you really think, Oh, it's all from God and everything's okay. No, like the first reaction is like, Oh, I can't,  like, really, like, really, like, really, like, really, come on. 

And it's not, you know, it's not immediate.  The beautiful thing is that you can strengthen the muscle the more you use it. So that instead of taking two days to finally like, oh, It must have been from God, you know, maybe it will take you half a day. Maybe it'll take you an hour. Maybe it'll take you five minutes.

Maybe you'll get annoyed and then right away be like, Oh, one second. I can take a deep breath right now. Right? So you don't go from zero to a hundred. Overnight, you have to strengthen the muscle slowly, you know, just like nobody goes to the gym and then gets on the, on the scale, you know, and says, I don't see a difference.

I worked out for a whole hour. I don't see a difference. Like honey, it's not going to happen. Like real work takes time. Right. And it takes practice. It takes commitment. You want to be happy, then create happy. Right. And you have to work towards it, which is one of the reasons why, and it's the only language.

The Hebrew language is the only language that really gives you the definition of what it means to really be in love, fall in love. We talk about marriage, right? So I'll give you a practical piece of advice.  So I'm not a marriage expert. I don't have a perfect marriage. Trust me, there's lots of work that needs to be done.

It isn't a voda. It's a constant a voda, and we fall, and we elevate, and we fall, and we elevate. But I will say one thing.  As you invest, as you read in the Hebrew language, the word a love, right? A hava means ha  inside the word A  Hey, you have the two letters in the middle. Hey, be, which means ha, and the stages teach us.

Have means to give  you love  to that which you give do you really want to know what you love? Or what you can fall in love into or how you can create the energy of love I will ask you how much do you invest in that which you want to love or that you want to create the energy of? Love so we see here. Oh, so this whole concept is such a Hollywood Fake.

Ugh, I want to kill Hollywood because they have brainwashed us to think that the Like, really? Like, really? What did you do with my mind? Why did you hijack my mind? And why did you take my truth?  Love doesn't come spontaneously and all the, even the Shidduchim and the Haredi, the from Jewish world. Don't, you're going to meet the guy. 

That doesn't happen. It's investment. You actually love, you're supposed to love more over time in the years of marriage. Then the opposite, because the more you invest, the more you give, the more you bring into that, you know what ends up happening? Another thing I teach in Crown to Kingship,  as I say, the more you invest yourself in the other, the more you love them.

Why? Because you love the you that you've invested in them and you see the you in them. And that part of you in them safely guarded and safely taken care of, God willing, that's what they've done with it, with that investment of yourself in them, or just your kids, your friends, your whatever, your family, that is what you end up loving.

And so it's all about this again, this investment, this investment, the giving over. That is what life is about, and that's how you get to Simcha. That's what leads to happiness, is you see that you've invested, and you know there's a purpose, and you, and that's exactly what Purim is about. Is that Amalek, this nation called Amalek, they were trying to teach us, and to convince us, and to get us to forget that God is investing, so to speak, Himself in us.

It's like, no, they were trying to teach us that there is no divine providence. Everything is a mikveh. Everything is a coincidence. God created you and he left the scene. And, and so we're left at our own wits. But when you remember through reading the Megillah, and the story of Esther, and how at the end of the day, Hashem, you were there.

You were there with Haman, and you were there with HaShverosh, and you were there when Esther this, and when Vashti got this, and when Haman got  That brings me happiness. The happiness comes from me recognizing that you do love me and you are here and you have been investing in me. And now I'm going to invest in you and our relationship. 

I love it. I love that we're talking about giving because it really is the motor for creating happiness. You know, if you want to be happy, make someone else happy. You know, like you said, pick up the phone. Call your grandmother, call your sister, call your aunt, call someone who you know is going to be happy to get a phone call from you and giving is really important.

And I want to bring the other side of the coin, which is receiving because we have such a hard time receiving happiness, right? Anything. We receive your brain automatically goes to wait. How much is this gonna cost me?  Am I actually am? Is it okay? Is it safe? Am I allowed? Am I deserving? Am I worthy?  You know all these things that come into play when suddenly someone else gives to you, you know, they say Oh, you should always be on the giving end and blah blah blah It's really nice to say it and you know I bless everyone that you should always be on the giving end because really it is a very nice thing to be in, but then when we have to be the receptor  of that love, of that happiness, we suddenly feel really uncomfortable.

Extremely uncomfortable receiving someone else's gift, receiving someone else's love, receiving happiness, receiving abundance, right? How many of us are sabotaging ourselves so that we don't get the things we want because we don't feel like we deserve it.  And that's the other side of the coin is really open yourself up.

create the container, allow it to come in and teach yourself to allow it to really, like you said, take over and really spread through your entire body because that that too is going to bring a lot of happiness.  Totally. So I know we have, we're coming close to the end, but I want to share a personal story with you on that level.

And I feel like my heart is really very emotional just talking about this. Okay. So I'll make this as short as I can. I've been through a lot. everyone's been through a lot. You can't be a teacher of happiness or of a Muna. Unless you've been through the fire and you're going through, I'm going through the hells of,  of maintaining my Muna and my happiness as we're speaking here today.

But one of the things that our rabbi taught us when we came back to Cuba, we came back to our way of living. We fell on very, very hard, dire times financially. We went into bankruptcy. Our house was foreclosed. We literally we were living off of charity for many, many, many years up until a couple of years ago.

And my husband at one point, you know, of course, for a man, this is like a blow to the ego. And it's not like he wasn't working and it's not like he wasn't trying hard times are hard times. It's the fate of whatever you have to go through for all for the good. We understand it. And in hindsight, I see how this has built us, which is my point.

The bottom line is at one point, the rabbi asked him at one day when he was in yeshiva. This is how you doing? And he says, how can I do? You know, I'm, I'm a charity. I'm a charity case. I'm receiving money from people and I hate it.  I'm waiting for the wheels of fortune to turn so I can be on the giving side, which is what you said.

And he said to the following to my husband, very, very smart, Rabbi Bachach from Muncie or Yisrael, really, he really changed our lives. He really changed in so many ways, even with my own personal journey with my multiple sclerosis, my MS and all that. He really, really helped put our heads on straight to look at things from a godly perspective and try to have that, you know, happiness.

with in spite of it all. And he said the following to my husband and with that I'll end. He said, remember something, remember my words and never forget them. He said, and I don't, I really don't. And I don't think my husband does either. He said, all your life up until now, you've always been giving. And it's true.

Thank God we had the means we were to give, we were never rich, but we always love to give charity even before our days of chuva and knowing the value of what charity meant. We always love to give.  He said, use this opportunity.  to feel what it feels like to be on the receiving end. And he said, actually, you will, the wheels of fortune will turn and one day you will be able to give again.

He said, but the way you will give after you have learned what it feels like to be on the other side of the door, the one that's knocking and saying, can you please give me charity? He said, that will forever change the way you will give when the wheels of fortune turn. What is the bottom line? Is you really don't know what it means to give unless you have at one point been given the opportunity and I say, yes, it's a gift to be in that place to know what it was like to receive when you were in need. 

Cherish it. Don't fight it. You can still pray for it to end, but cherish what it feels like to receive. And if you don't know how to receive, you will never know what it's like to really give.  Yes, it's . Yes. I love that. I love that because it's so powerful. You will never be able to give as well as you can give after you've received.

And I also really love to emphasize that you don't have to be in dire need in order to receive. You can learn to receive as a skill  we can allow ourselves to  take that openness and allow ourselves to really become that container to receive God's love, to receive happiness, to receive from our husbands, right?

If the husband's the giver, the wife is the receiver. We have that superpower of being able to receive and really. Give them the ability to give. Could you imagine if we were all givers and there was no one to receive, it's like nursing and there's no one to nurse. Like you, you start to feel it, right? It hurts.

It hurts. You want,  you want, you want to just nurture someone else.  There has to be a receiver. And I don't want you to think that there's something wrong with being a receiver. It is so important for us to be both and for us to have the skills to be both. So you're going to be a way happier person if you learn to receive and you expand your capacity to receive.

You're also going to be a lot happier if you can turn on the engine on yourself to give and to be there for others. And that, you know, that balance is really, is really important. Totally. Totally. I am in full, full agreement with you. And like you said, it's so true. Why wait until you get to the point where you're starving to nourish yourself with the food that you need anyway.

You know, don't we all know you don't eat when you're starving, you eat when you're a little hungry, you learn to have a relationship with food, not when you're starving, right? You learn to work on a character trait. When you're sensing that you're a little bit off balance, you don't wait until you're into the far ends of the extreme.

So God is always sending us messages and be open. You know, when I give a gift and somebody says. Oh, you didn't have to. Do you know how stabbing that is for me?  I'm giving you a gift and you're telling me I didn't have to? I know I didn't have to. Don't say that to a person when they give you a gift.

Don't tell them you didn't have to. Just say thank you for thinking of me. Or, and if you don't like it, it doesn't matter.  Even if you don't like it, but did they think of you? Thank you for thinking of me.  And you know what the person who receives the thank you is supposed to say? Know what? I've also learned this.

Thank you for thanking me.  Aww, I love that. for thanking me. Yes, we're supposed to say thank you for thanking me.  I like that. I love it.  Okay, my heart is full. I feel so good. Blessed. Thank you for being my guest. Thank you so much fun. How can people find you? Where can they get more of your awesomeness? 

Thank you, Hashem. Awesomeness to Hashem. oremuna.org. dailydoseofemuna.com. My books turnaround are on Amazon. I also have a podcast called or Talk on Spotify. Well, but what can I tell you? IJ just, pretty much everything is gonna be found though on eats. It's either or amuna.com, ora energy.com, but we're transitioning over to ora.org so either one of the websites links will work and you can sign up for everything there.

My books. And I'm going to be coming to the states in a couple of weeks, God willing. So I can get classes there in person and the book will be coming out after Passover. So I'm happy to arrange for a book signing in the community. Yeah, God willing, Hashem should give us all strength. We should see the redemption with a lot of revealed.

Open, miraculous, compassionate energy from Hashem in the way that He loves us, that we'll see it with our eyes to merit to see it,  and we should celebrate redemption very soon.  Thank you, Rebekah, for all that you do. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And thank you to the listeners for listening all the way to the end.

I love you all. Make sure you come back next week for another episode. And thank you so much, Orit Esther. And don't forget to be connected for real.  Thanks.

 And that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.