110. Coaching Vs. Therapy

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started.  

Welcome, everyone, to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Robertson Bachchan Grossman, and today we are having a solo episode about coaching and therapy. What is the difference between them, and why You care  So here is a little bit of a breakdown therapy is classically finding the reasons for why Things are messed up why something isn't working why you're feeling this way So we look in your past.

We look backwards to see the reasons For what happened that made you this way now  coaching is very forward facing and is very future Oriented you pick a goal you work towards your goal. You know exactly where you're going and You work towards getting there  now. Yes  Therapy does, try to get you to your goals and yes, coaching does address the past, but it's just very different.

The approach is completely different. Let me give you a metaphor that may help you here. Imagine you're driving and you're going forward and there's a rear view mirror and the rear view mirror is great. because it shows you what's behind you. Now, can you imagine driving while staring at the rearview mirror?

You would crash, right? Because you're not living backwards, you're living forwards. So you're going forwards. So yes, the rearview mirror is there. To help you maneuver to help you make decisions to help you see what's coming just to help you see what's going on behind you But it is not something that you are supposed to be staring at and focusing on Because then you will just not see where you're going That is exactly what is Happening here. I have found that people who Spend too much time in the  therapy world will get to a certain place where it's like, Oh, I've exhausted all what therapy has to offer.

And now I'm ready for the next level. They sort of get to this plateau. And that's how, you know, you're done therapy has its place and it's definitely very useful for people who can lean on and get the help that they need.  But I've just found that it's limited in that at a certain point, you're going to have to change your focus and focus forward and actually start to see movement and see results.

Okay,  and this is why in science. Let's say you had a pencil or in my case a spoon because that's all I had around here. If I drop the spoon, what's gonna happen? It's going to end up at the table, right? So  and there it goes. Why did that happen? We like to ask why and the reason is because of gravity. So the spoon I was holding in my hand, when I let it go, it went all the way down to the floor and hit the table and then bounced.

Why? Because there's gravity. And so the reason For the spoon falling is gravity. People like to in science  Use this scientific method to also break down why we do things So why am I so held back? Why am I so messed up? Why am I so stuck? It must be there's a reason behind it. And so let's look at my past to find the reason why this is happening.

The problem with this is that humans are not spoons, and they're not pencils, and they're not things. Humans are motivated by something different than their past. They are motivated by their future. They're motivated by where they are going. They're motivated by what is coming. And That is where we get it wrong because we think that if we could just fix the past if we can just go back and Figure out why it's happening.

Why you're this way why you know, blah blah blah then  Everything will be fine and you can continue living your life, but in reality it feels really icky and it actually in some cases will keep you stuck. And why am I saying keep you stuck? Because I had a client who once came to me and she said she's been working with a therapist for two years, it got her really far.

It did, and I want to validate that. I want you all know that whatever help you can get, you should get. Okay, there isn't like all or nothing. There isn't oh, this is the best thing and that's it There's this, you know Everybody's life is very individual and you are a unique person with your unique journey to go through So I want you to give yourself the permission to take whatever action is going to get you one step further and one step closer to your goals.

So if that means going to therapy first or therapy at all, just do it, do it. If that's what's right for you, do it, because it will definitely help you. Okay. I wanted to put that out there because, you know, I'm not against therapists. I know people who are, and I just think that every person has their journey.

Every person has the things that they need to learn and discover about themselves. And a lot of times, therapy really helps you with the basics, and it helps you get to where you need to be.  In order to get ready for whatever next stage is coming, which is always the case, right? We're all in the journey and even coaching is the same exact way It's it will get you to the next level, but it won't take you to the check mark of hey i've achieved everything and now i'm ready to go die. Like, you know, if you're not on a journey, then you're dead So we hope to be on this journey for a long time and we hope that you are Going to collect as many tools and skills and abilities In order to stay here as long as you can and need to be in order to leave the impact you're here to leave and so on.

So, I don't think any of this is all or nothing. I don't think that there is a right thing for everyone. I don't like saying the only way is to do it this way.  I believe very much it's individualized and it's whatever works for you. So, all that being said, she said, personally, she was feeling like she was in a plateau.

She was ready to  move on to the next level, especially in her marriage. She felt like all the therapy that she did helped her figure out why she married this guy and why she was attracted to this type of personality, even though she sees now it's not really serving her. And, you know, with all these kids around now, it's really hard to make a decision about staying or leaving.

And she's feeling very stuck. And therapy got her to a place where she can really take responsibility and not be so blaming and so shaming in that negative place, which was great. And I'm really happy she did the therapy. And then she was ready. She was ready to just, Get to the next level and she came to me.

I love it. I love it when you guys come when you're ready because you know what you want and you know, you know, you know the right questions to ask. It's so fun. By the way, if you don't know what questions to ask, I know. So don't worry about it. I'm going to ask you a ton of questions during our discovery call.

Just putting it out there. You're going to feel like you're talking forever. Because there's a lot of things that I'm going to help you and guide you through in order for you to figure out if this is right for you.  But  so putting all this out there, continuing on to her specific situation, she was ready. 

And she said that, I got her this far, but now she needs something new.

Then we started working together and she felt like, yeah, but I still want to still go to therapy also. You know, like I'm going to do the coaching and the therapy at the same time. I'm going to balance them both. I'm going to just make sure that I'm not like, you know,  leaving it completely. And actually what that did was it was very draining  and it was not moving the needle for her and it was getting her very stuck because everything that I told her to do and I helped her find clarity and you know, movement and she started taking action.

Then it's almost like she wasn't letting herself leave the mud,  you know, she had to continue working in  the past and why and find and, you know, just sort of hash over, over and over again. And it felt like it was counter doing what we were working on. And at a certain point, she realized it herself.

and she decided to leave therapy and just completely commit with the coaching. And what that did was it freed her, it liberated her from having to be stuck in the past and be willing to just wash off the mud. And move forward and it was amazing. It was amazing to see that just that shift the commitment to Not being pulled and you know pull and push that that stress that was happening between the different energies It just helped her move past it which just  That, that in itself was a breakthrough, okay?

That peace of mind and the liberation that you want from your past and you just want to move forward  is not going to be able to be available when you are holding on to the past. Let's say the past was the mud, right? And you're  sitting there and looking at it and touching it.

And smelling it and figuring out what it's made of and why it's here. And, you know, it's like, you're still in the mud get out, get out of the mud  and that's what I want you to do, right? Because all of that  dealing with, in Hebrew, we call it  like you're dealing with it and touching it and you know, whatever working it  is not serving you. 

So, instead of having to be very grabby about your past and about your stories and about what happened that brought you here and the reasons, like, oh, I have a reason. That reason, by the way, very similar to labels. When you label yourself or are labeled. Officially or unofficially,  it feels good at first because you're like, Oh, that validates so much about how I feel and who I am and why I'm struggling so much.

But then at a certain point, it actually creates a limitation because after you get over the validation and feeling all good about how you're not actually broken, but you're actually broken.  This is, this is how you're broken. And this is how we explain it. And this is all the side effects.

And this is what's happening behind the scenes. And oh, this makes so much sense.  Now the next level is, yeah, but now that I'm labeled, now that I'm this way, now that I know that this is how I am. I limit myself to not letting myself be any different and that's where it gets really dangerous so yes Labels are great if they're going to help you get to know yourself and move forward in a better way But you have to really really stay aware and focused that It doesn't limit you and as soon as it does question the label and be like it's okay You know, it may be that this is a label I was given but what about right now? God is recreating the world every single second and I have the ability to recreate my reality and move forward in a new way, even if  There's something I thought I could never do or there's something that I thought I'm not good at or whatever it is. So that's something that we work on Also is just sort of allowing all of that to stay in the past and moving forward right driving Drive forward, live your life forward.

You're going to find that you are able to get a lot more done and feel a lot more accomplished and successful and happy and  fulfilled  when you are in action towards future, towards what you want, towards your dreams. And you find evidence for it. By the way, the call method that I created is great for this because it brings the entire cycle Of how to do this and we'll have more details about this later.

But  this is something that's really really important.

  Hey! Before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly? Feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one on one private coaching is for and I want to invite you, just you and me, for a free deep dive discovery call.

This is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions and we extract the three main things that are holding you back. I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations with practical steps.  The call is free and so valuable in itself. So go book yours today.

Now back to the show. 

 so I want you to be super positive and practical these are two of my values, you know when I was doing my branding work Positive, practical, and integrated were the three value words that came up for me. Integrated because I integrate God into everyday life. I integrate marriage and business. I integrate happiness and positivity  into everything I do. 

I integrate spiritual and physical, right? I'm very integrative and I also like to integrate your past. and your present. Obviously your future is coming next, but you know, how do we become whole? How do we integrate all the parts of us? Even the parts that we're ashamed of, even the parts that we are not very proud of,  even the parts that we think don't matter or don't have a say or shouldn't have a say. 

All those parts of you matter. So there is a wholeness there in the integration. And then there is a positivity that is very important for me. And I happen to be a very positive person. If you know me in person, if you know me at all from listening, you will know that that is one of my values. And I live by that.

I love being happy. I love making other people happy. I love focusing on the positivity. So when people start getting all negative about stuff, I'm always the one who's going to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, you guys are getting off track here. We need to find what's positive in the situation, or we need to find What is positive that's coming. Something that we can focus on that's not doomsday stuff.

This is very important now that we're dealing with, real, real life history living right under our nose. That we're living through. So really, really important to stay positive. And why I'm bringing this up is because a lot of times when you do the past work, it can get shadowy and dark.

It can get very like icky and negative and almost like dreary. It's very hard. It's very hard stuff to deal with. And. As much as I love going into the past and if you listened to the episode about subconscious versus super conscious, I definitely am very much into going and finding out what's going on behind the scenes, but never from a shadowy negative place, never from darkness and ickiness.

I just don't think that it serves you. And I haven't found that going into shadowy darkness and negativity ever brings any results that are necessary to your growth. I mean, yes, there's a lot to uncover there, but you can get the same effect when you're positive and when you light up. You can go into the shadow and light it up, but

don't get sucked into it. Definitely. So there's something that I really want you to realize off the bat. And then the practical is, you know, why I became a coach and not a therapist.  I just found that therapy was It's nice,  but it never really got the practical results of, you know, okay, and then what?

Now what? And people ask me, somebody recently said, you know, I, I didn't like that you gave advice when you were coaching because people are not supposed to give advice. Yes therapists are not supposed to give advice.  And that's why I refused to become a therapist because I just never felt like I could actively listen without telling you what I really think.

And I became a coach and my specialty is that I'm, you know, guided by God and very much intuitive because if I do feel like I'm getting a message and I do feel like there is an answer that I can give you or advice that I can offer you, I will. And I will tell you exactly what I think you should do. 

And most of my clients love that. This one client complained about it because she started learning I don't know if she was learning therapy or coaching or whatever, but she was told that one of the rules is you don't give them the answer. The answer is inside them. And that's true all the answers are inside you, but sometimes you're blindsided to them and I can see them and you can't.

So I'm not going to sit there and like have you pull teeth. I could just help you get there. Right? So this is just my approach. Very intuitive, very positive, very practical. And I feel like it's important to know what's right for you at every moment. Use your intuition, use the guidance that you're getting from your higher self, from God, from that higher level of consciousness, just take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart. 

Where is the next step that I need to take? And What support do I need right now? If the answer is I need to go and get therapy, then go and get therapy. If the answer is I need to get coaching, go get coaching. If the answer is I need to journal more, I need to talk to God more, I need to connect more, I need to exercise more, I need to something else, then Do it, but I want you to first realize that the answer is inside your body, right?

Don't let other people tell you Oh, everybody should this, that, the other. No, it doesn't want to say that. Find what's right for you, what's unique in your situation, and then go after it and do it. You're going to find that your transformation is a lot more in flow and at ease when you are 100 percent committed to it and when you feel like this is exactly what you want.

Okay, so I told you that I would teach you the calm method and I've taught it many times. I hope that it doesn't get old, but I just want to give it to you in a taste because I don't want to leave you hanging. The call method starts with C, connect to yourself.  And you can do that by, like we did,  put your hand on your heart and just take a deep breath. 

You can do it by asking, what do I really want?  You can brainstorm on paper, you can think it through, you can do whatever you want. You can also let it come to you. Just close your eyes and allow the answer to come.  But the most important thing is for you to know what you really want. Because, as we said, your body, your soul, your brain is motivated by where you're going, not where you came from. Super important because we think that where you came from shapes who you are, actually where you're going shapes who you're becoming. And that's way more important. There was a guy yesterday that said, can we put that on a t shirt? So yes Put it on a t shirt and give me credit for it. I love it. Okay, so We're not you know, we're not shaped by our past we are motivated by who we are meant to become or being called to become   After connect to yourself, step two is ask for the answer and we're turning up, we're bringing God into the situation. There is now God who is very grounded and keeping us focused. And our main thing when coming to God is here's what I want. Here's what I brainstormed. Here's pros and cons. Here's whatever came up for me. I want this. I really want this and I have no idea how, I have no idea when, I don't know anything, but you know, and if this will that I have lines up with your will, then help me, show me, guide me.

Right? Those are the three things you just want to keep repeating. It's like, help me get there. Show me how. Guide me to what I need to do next.  And that's step two. Now, step three is listen for the answer. We were all taught how to ask and how to turn to God, but we were never taught how to listen. And this is the most important skill that you're ever going to learn.

Because listening is being able to hear God.  Hear God through reality. I'm not telling you to become a prophet. I'm telling you to learn how God runs the world and then learn how to lean on that in order to hear what he wants. So you're going to start taking action and this door is going to open and this window is going to close and this, little crumb is going to be over here and then another crumb and another crumb and you're going to follow the crumbs until you get to the next level and you're constantly turning to God for like, Oh, that's what you want.

Amen. Amen. Oh, okay. So then I'll take this next step. Oh, this is what you want. Okay. I didn't think of that, but okay. But this, that, the other, right. We're having this very  partnership conversation thing, and I'm going through life on a very different level of consciousness. Now, here's the cool thing.

At this point, you're on a higher level of consciousness. You know what you want. You're moving in the right direction forward. You brought God into it and you are listening for the answer. And a lot of times you start hearing the answer and you feel, Oh my gosh. It blows your mind. You know, I know, but Trent said that this is going to happen.

But  it actually happened this happens when I say just ask God how to pay for it and he will let you know And then money shows up out of nowhere or  something works out or a payment plan becomes available Whatever happens is like Whoa What was that? Okay, so it's really mind blowing. And you may be in a higher level of consciousness going.

Wow, that was great  Now what so at this point most people will be like Cool next and they'll just drop it and you know, okay next time I want something I'll just turn to God and you know, look again what this does by the way, it creates that hamster wheel of Self development where you're like, oh my god.

No, I know how to reach stuff I'm just gonna keep telling God what I want and I'm going to go to God and I'm gonna tell him what I want And then I'm going to listen for the answer and then another and then my life becomes this crazy A rollercoaster thing of  I'm constantly make, you know, constantly working.

I'm constantly developing, but I'm feeling exhausted and drained. Okay. So don't do that. There is step four and that's why the calm method is four letters. The M is for master a higher level of consciousness.  So what does this mean? How do you master that higher level of consciousness, right? We said you're already up in a higher level because of your ability to bring God into it, to listen to the reality, to get the answers you need and to take action.

Now, what you need to do is master that. So you need to celebrate, you need to thank, you need to tell other people, you need to surround yourself with the right influences. That actually get you when you say, Oh my gosh, God answered my prayer. And they're going to look at you and be like, huh? Right. What? Or you're going to say, I spoke to God and he told me to do it.

And, you know, I have I have friends who are like.  Yow, she's crazy, right? And okay, that's cool, but I need to surround myself with people who are going to get it and be like, yeah, you go girl. I'm so happy for you. And  those are the people who are going to help you master a higher level of consciousness, because you're not going to have to apologize every time you say what you're doing, right? Every time you tell people and celebrate and think and just appreciate what. You've done and what has happened.  You can't be pulled down all the time. You need to master it and stay up there. So you're going to be really conscious about that That's the call method as we say on one foot which means you know the little taste of of the tip of the iceberg I will definitely get more into this, but this is the the method that I use to coach all of my clients and we go through This method over and over again with different situations that come up and it's always so powerful and so amazing because It really gets you into a rhythm where your life Feels and flow and you're not drained and you're not exhausted and you're not overwhelmed If anything you've created more space and more abundance Because you've done this.

By the way, back to the women who I worked with, who was two years in therapy and ended up working with me for, I don't know, she did a couple of programs with me. She was just amazing. The amount of growth that she's had is just phenomenal. And she, she told me once that anytime there's money issues, like there's not enough money for something or whatever, she says, wait, what do we want? 

Okay. Let's all pray for it. And it always comes through. Always money always comes through. And so her, I think 18 year old daughter said to her about me. Why don't you just call the abundance lady and have her, you know help you when she wanted something so that was very funny So apparently i've been called the abundance lady, but that's because I help you get in touch with that abundance.

I help you Create more space for that abundance and you as the vessel holding all the parts of your life have to be ready To expand and allow for all that space. So I hope that was helpful for you today  definitely Let me know if you are ready to work with me. There is a Discovery call that's available for you. Deep dive discovery call.

It's because we go really deep. I'm going to ask you a lot of questions and then we're going to create your custom plan. I don't believe in everything being one size fits all. And therefore I really give a lot of myself to go through the process, ask you all the questions and really listen to what's happening in your life so that I can craft a roadmap that's specific to you.

And then we can actually see how quickly you become that version of yourself and it's, it's phenomenal. I used to think that the shortest I would ever work with was six months because, you know, you need six months to actually see results and, you know, transformation, but it's not true. The three month process has actually proven itself over and over again to get you to the next level.

And I cannot believe how. Quickly and how efficiently it works Yes, some people choose to continue and  move to the next next level But if you have a goal in mind and you want to really nail it. Oh, this is so Amazing for you. Okay  so with all that being said, I Love you all and I can't wait to see you in my schedule If you do schedule a deep dive discovery call and I look forward to meeting you and for all you listening, don't forget to be connected for real. 

All the best. Love you.

 And that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.