124. How to Use Improv to Enhance Communication

  Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

 And we are live.  Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, and today with me is Daniella. We are talking about communication and your business and your marriage and how you can use. The skills in all the parts of your life. So Daniela, first introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about you and then we'll get right into it.

Sure. Well, first of all, thank you so much for inviting me onto the podcast. It's super awesome to be here. So my name is Daniela and I am the co founder and artistic director of center stage. Sounds really bombastic, but it's not, it's cool. It's fun. And what I do is I actually teach.  Train workshop improv into all aspects of life, whether it be business, marriage plain acting, having fun.

And I do this with solo entrepreneurs. I do it with companies. I do it with groups with couples. It's great fun.  That sounds amazing. So that's really fun. So start to tell us a little bit about. You know, what is improv? How can we lean into it? What, what is all though?  Well, I think when people first think of improv, they think of like the TV program, whose line is it anyway?

You've heard of that one. And people get really nervous because maybe they're not sort of they, they get  pressurized to be funny. They think they have to be funny, but improv is really not about being funny. It's really a way that gets us to communicate properly, how to collaborate with people, how to listen how to have some creative thinking.

Thinking, think on our feet, adapt. It gives you all these amazing, amazing skills. And oftentimes it does turn funny, which is great. I mean, it's, it's, it's a lot of fun. But you don't have to feel like you, you need to be funny. The pressure there's sometimes when people think they need to be funny, then the funny goes away because of the pressure. 

Stop trying, just go with it. Exactly. And I think people feel that when they suddenly have to do an improv exercise, first of all, getting up and doing something in front of people is nerve wracking enough, thinking that you have to be funny is adding to that. And here we kind of say, listen, There is no right and wrong in improv.

That's the great fun. Even when you make a mistake,  it's an actually an opportunity. And I will discuss that in what I mean by that. But yeah, improv is made up of mistakes and going out there and being creative and just  letting words come out as they come out.  Great. So now give us a couple examples of  what you mean and how we can use it.

Okay, so I'm going to give examples both for business because I think in Israel, they starting to realize that improv can be a great tool in business. I don't think they have any understanding of just how great a tool it is.  And the fact that improv can be used in every aspect of our life, including relationships and marriage.

So I'd like to give some examples on, on both sides. And what I'm going to do is I'll take you through the basic rules of improv, even though there aren't  rules per se, but it just helps make it successful.  So the first rule of improv is to accept and say, yes.  It's more of a mindset than sort of, you know, if someone asks you to do something crazy, you're not going to go and say yes, but it's being open,  To suggestions.

If you've ever been in a business meeting and you have an idea and you give out this idea in front of the people and suddenly your colleague sort of says,  yeah, but have you thought of, you know, I don't think it's going to work because this and that and the other, right?  So anytime you have a bat, a bat is a complete stop. 

It doesn't let you sort of take the conversation where it could go.  So the first rule of improv is to say, yes, anything that is presented to you when you are an actor on stage, if I say to you, freeze, I have a gun.  If you say, actually, it's not a gun. You're just pointing your finger at me.  That's it. He lies.

It comes to an end. That's it.  So instead of, of that, if you say.  Yes. Is that the gun I gave you for your birthday? How dare you use it  right? And now you take conversations somewhere interesting. So if you have an idea. Even if you don't agree with it,  be open to it and see where it takes you by saying yes. 

So, and I'm going to give you a now an example in, in relationships or marriage. If you say, if you come home or your husband comes home, and you say to him, Oh, I'm exhausted.  And he turns around and says to you, hang on, how can you be exhausted? You've been home all day.  That kind of,  yeah, that happens. 

And I never heard  such a thing, but  what that does, that's like the button in the improv.  Because it's kind of, it negates your feelings. You feel criticized. And normally you would just shut down and not say anything and say, okay,  I'd rather not talk about it if that's the way you're going to be instead of, if instead, when you say I'm exhausted and your husband says,  Yeah, I can understand that immediately.

It puts it on a different level.  So in terms of the, you know, accepting the basic premise, accepting the scene, getting into that, that is the first rule of improv,  but you can take it.  That's amazing. Rule number one. Yes. Say yes. Anything else, you know, sort of negates.  the whole premise, like takes away from the power of what's actually happening in the moment.

Exactly. And of course, I'm not saying physically say yes and, and not to crazy things, you know, obviously. But if you just Let's bump off the window together. Yes, that is a terrible idea, but I'm still going to go along with your thing. 

I see you really want to jump out the window. Let me, you know, explain to me what's going on behind the scenes. Exactly. So that leads us straight into the second rule of improv. So the second rule of improv is not just to say yes,  But to say, yes, and  so what that lets you do, it lets you sort of expand the conversation. 

So if I, I'm trying to give you an example of like in an actual improv scene and then taking it to business, taking it to relationships. So if I'm on stage and I give you a premise and I say, wow, it is so hot in here.  And if you answer just, yeah, yeah, you're dropping the ball. So what do you want to do is you're going to say, yeah, well, what do you expect?

We came, we are in hell,  you know, something like that, that now gives you a location. It gives you a way to, where to go, what to do. It could be fun. You know? Yeah. Code fun down there. I don't know  who'd call that fun.  Exactly. Exactly. But we, you can take it anywhere. You can say, oh yeah, it can't be, yeah, this heat can't be good for all the wax figures we have here.

You can take it anywhere, but as long as you're doing yes, and providing a context, providing, expanding, allowing you to, to move forward. So the same thing I'm sort of thinking in business now,  if someone says, Oh, I want to add this component to a product.  Hmm. Yeah, that, and you know what? If we do that, it might give us.

A, B and C.  Third person, yes. And if we do that, then we can actually charge extra for the B and C because A could, would be like, you know, the product and then B and C would be premium. So it kind of opens you up and lets you brainstorm and be creative.  Okay. Here's where the question comes in. What if you think it's a terrible idea? 

Okay. So you can say, yes, and I can see where you're coming from. Shall we think of something  X, Y, Z,  and how that will impact the product. So you're not shutting the person down, but you're kind of leading them through  to another option.  Okay. But you know what, even if it's a terrible idea. You can go, yes, tell me more.

How exactly do you see this working or, and maybe they have a solution that you didn't think of that makes it a brilliant idea.  Okay. So you're open to hearing where this may go. You're saying yes, there's not necessarily backing them up and saying, let's do it. I'll sign right here on the dotted line.

It's more like the curiosity. Yes, that's a lovely word. I like that.  Thank you. I just came up with it right now on the spot.  Well, it's a great word because curiosity lets you find out more. And that more is what makes life so interesting, right? If you can say,  yes, that that's a great idea. Tell me more,  then you don't know where you can end up, which is great.

And even if it doesn't end up anywhere, you can say, great. Well, we've, we brainstormed that. And this is what, maybe another idea will come out of that. That's unrelated to the one you don't agree with in the first place. And that always happens by the way, just for you guys listening that openness from saying yes, and the creativity and the Allowing all of this just to  do its own thing brings life to new ideas that you would never come up with if you were just stuck in your ways and like, this is how we're doing it.

And that's it. There's always more.  And a lot of times that's where the magic starts to happen. So let's keep going. Give us an example in marriage. I stopped you in the middle. No, no, no. It's fine. Cause innovation is definitely part of improv. These are all great words for businesses and for life itself, where you have creative thinking and critical thinking and innovation and communication. 

All wonderful, magical things that should be happening in life. So if you're going to say yes. And in marriage, let me see of something that okay. If your husband comes home from work and you happen to be there first and you say,  Hey, how was your day?  Right. We all say that and husband answers. Okay.

All right, you know, one expat, but so it's easy if you go you know what I had pretty an average day, but I had such a highlighted lunchtime because suddenly my boss came in and said, let's go out to this restaurant, eat together. And we had this amazing discussion and you won't believe what came out of this discussion. 

So it's just  giving again, it's expanding, letting the conversation move on. Because  in a relationship you don't want to be treated like, you know, you've got to respect the husband wife kind of relationship, but it becomes kind of sort of brother sister thing. It becomes kind of, you know, if your friend had to come to you and say, Hey, how was your day? 

You wouldn't just say, okay, right?  You may. Yeah, it was good. It was, but you tend to add to it more. It was good. I actually achieved something today. I went to the supermarket, whatever it might be, but you do expand because otherwise your friend won't want to remain your friend.  It's, yeah, I definitely see where if you drop the ball, then you.

Sort of left the other person hanging and I think that dynamic between husband and wife is A lot of times frustrating for one of the sides if there isn't a conversation And this brings us to the five love languages, by the way, you know, some people are more into words than others And so you have these like, you know, love language word people who are like, I just can't wait to talk and you know, have a conversation and the other person is like, leave me alone.

It's not my love language. I don't even know what you want from me. So you're like trying to get like pulling teeth, right? Trying to get a conversation. It's not going anywhere. It can get really frustrating if you don't know that this is the nature of each one and that you can actually communicate in different ways or find solutions,  right?

So in improv, you also do nonverbal communication, which is very, very important. So just by sort of giving someone a hug or bringing them a cup of coffee, or that is in itself is a love language, which is great because you are  listening to what, to your partner, how they talk and you bring them caring in however you respond to them.

Right, right. I love that. I love that. It's really nice to have awareness when we're talking about marriage, just awareness of  who you are as a person, what your needs are and then who they are and what their needs are and be able to play off each other. So We have a lot of expectations, which is a wonderful word in marriage.

A lot of expectations that we think are like, Oh, this is a given. It's every man is like this, or every woman is like this. And it's not true. And.  And when we finally are open, like you're saying, be open, be curious, be okay with whatever you find, you know, it's going to really open you up to an amazing new experience.

So this is really fun. Okay, great. So we're saying, yes, we're saying yes. And if we want to sort of  summarize the yes. And basically if the other person doesn't pitch in,  it doesn't work. I think it's as simple as that. So if it's two actors on stage doing a scene, if the other person's not pitching in, the scene's going to flop.

If it's in business, if you're not pitching in, you're going to get fired and you're not getting your job done or whatever it might be in a relationship. If you don't pitch and you're going to get dumped. So  that is really the bottom line,  right? And I want to add to that. I think that, if you're really good at improv and your other partner is not pitching in, they're like, fine.

I'm like, how was your day? Fine.  Oh yeah. My team was great. I had this thing, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, oh, okay.  And, you know,  in the beginning, it might feel very frustrating, but if you're really good at improv, you're going to realize very quickly that you're the one that's playing that talkative, you know, person who keeps adding and the other guys, who's going to continue doing his thing, it might actually come out hysterical because you're leaning into the new role that just happened on you.

And it might be really fun to find out all the things you can come up with. From your own self without any help, how creative you could be, how much you could come up with. This could be really fun.  Sure. It would be an exercise that I would do in improv and say, you could only answer in sort of like what I call closed sentences, like the fine.

Okay, good. And, and. I think normally what comes out of it, is definitely to a degree of frustration from the actor because they're doing all the work and the other person isn't they could have fun with it and just sort of take it to weird and wonderful places and just laugh. And  so, but generally,  generally, I think there has to be, whether it's pitching in verbally or pitching in, in actions, in gestures. 

If that's still pitching in, you just have to know which way it's coming.  Right. And, you know, like you said, it could be very frustrating or it could be really fun. And I think it all comes down to you as, the other player, find yourself in a situation where it's like, Oh, I actually get a choice.

In how I think about this, you know, this is very much mindset. If I am going to be all, you know, fall into the frustration, be sucked into the negativity and be like, I can't stand him. He doesn't pay, you know, he doesn't pitch in. This husband is like, you know, he's broken. There's something wrong with him.

And, and you could totally go down that route. And it will take you very quickly to very, you know, very negative and icky places. Or you could be like, Oh my gosh, I'm having to work so hard. Maybe this is, you know, maybe I could take this as a game, like see how much comes out of me when I'm pushed to be just a single, a single one, you know, a single light instead of. 

And a lot of times we sort of are leaning on the other person to give us the next scene or to give us the next thing. And when we don't have that, you can really  let yourself go. Choose to lean into that. I think that's where the superpower is of becoming conscious in marriage. When you can intentionally be like, okay, it doesn't matter that he's not pitching in.

 He'll figure it out when he's ready, but I am having fun. I'm happy so much,  right? Absolutely. And it's, it's a matter of approach and attitude. And I think, I think in the long run, if, if your partner's not pitching in, I don't think it's going to happen. And, and be fun for, for very long. I think for a while it can be fun, but I think that I mean, that's why they call it a partnership, you know, when you're in a marriage, you're in a partnership and both have to carry the weight. 

So  actually, I love that you're saying this because My whole business is I only work with women and I work only with women because I believe that you can single handedly change your entire marriage just by the choices that you make and things that you decide to, you know, to do. So yes, it is very much like legit frustrating.

It's very annoying. It's very, you know, you can really. be completely fine with it going downhill because it's not your fault and you could blame the other person be like, there is nothing I can do. It takes you to tango, but if you can go up, up a level and you know, this is where I see magic where women just completely transformed their marriages.

and their husbands, right? The husbands, this is the part where the husband says, Oh, Oh, the dance just changed. I think I can, you know, play with this new dance, right? I, I think, you know, and so suddenly you have this partner who's not being very partner like. and not playing that, not being in the team and not doing the thing he's supposed to do, turn around and be like, Oh, I'm sorry.

I realized I was really letting you down, but this is so much fun. And suddenly  join. So this is what I do as a marriage coach. I can tell you it is so possible. And I see it all the time. And it's a lot of intentionality and will on your part.  It takes your. Commitment to say, you know what? Even if I have to work hard, even if I have to change my mindset, even if I have to play alone for just a little bit and find my balance, my ground, my, myself.

See how much I can become on stage just on my own. And then it does end up bringing the other person, like he almost wants to join you because suddenly you're shining, you're having fun. You're yourself, right? Here's what happens  when we just let it go downhill, we let go, we leave everything.

It's like not even worth it to go shopping anymore. It's not worth it to, you know, exercise. It's not worth it to wake up early. It's not, nothing is worth it. And then we end up thinking and we ourselves become a version of ourselves. We don't like and  ends up, you know, sort of snowballing.  We're in. Yeah.

Sometimes  all it takes is for you to start to shine and start to be yourself and your best version of yourself. And then your husband goes, Oh, there's the girl I fell in love with, right? Like that's, that's where you show.  There's that really great quotation that says, if you want things to change, you have to change,  right?

So you can be the catalyst for the change.  I still feel at the end of the day  that the partner has to see you shine and want to be with you at that stage to make it work. If you are continually doing that,  then there, there will be a, you know, then it's just a matter of knowing when to say,  okay.   Marriage, you always have to remember, I mean, I've been married for  36 years.

Still madly in love with my husband. Honestly, we like kids where we're constantly hugging and kissing. And every time he walks in the door, it's Hey, and a kiss and a hug. And it's, it's really people we really, I'm blessed. I'm so, so blessed. But  I think that the important thing is to remember that we are two individuals within a relationship  and you have to give that space. 

for that person to be their individual self.  And then, so if, if your husband is not that talkative or not that giving  by your giving him his space  and being able to read what he needs and how he responds and understanding his individual responses  and what they mean, then you can work it out. If you have a language between you, if you understand each other and respect each other as individuals,  Then you can, you can make it work. 

I love it. I love what you said. And I want to add to this and then we'll continue. Cause we totally went on off tangent. I call, you know, when things are icky and frustrating and annoying. So now you're on the fence. You're like, I don't know which way to go. Right.  If I just give up, I'm giving up on my marriage.

I'm giving up on my life. I'm giving up on everything that I always hoped for and dreamt about, but I can't keep going like this. Right.  And a lot of people think that the only option is either to what were the 2 options on 2nd? I just want completely bank. That's allowed. Yeah, go go for for the breakup of a relationship or so the two options are either keep living with the pain  or amputate, right?

Like, could you imagine if you had an infection in your arm and they tell you, Well, either you just keep living with the pain or we just have to cut off your arm. And excuse me, is there no option of healing? Like there's no option other than living with the pain or amputating. And that's how, that's how, that's what's happening with the, you know, with the marriage world.

For the most part is people just know the two options, right? They don't think how to heal and how to make it work. They just think, well, either I have to stay here.  Beyond the be on the fence or I have to get off the fence towards this side But what if you got off the fence on the other side? Now you are saying you can only take this as long as it goes and if you're if your partner is not playing along Eventually, it's going to break apart Yes and Instead of you having to live with the pain and just pushing through and pushing through and pushing through That's actually when you don't make a decision and you're living on the fence.

Cause remember sitting on the fence hurts your butt. Like it really is not, it's a great quote by Laura Doyle. It's like one of her, my favorite quotes that she says, like sitting on the fence is not comfortable. It's not. So you can get off the fence on the side of, I want to heal this thing. Then very, very quickly it will become obvious, like in your face, obvious.

That it's either, yes, this is working or no, this is not going anywhere. And that's, that's a lot easier for you because now you have concrete answers of what to do next, right? If you would have stayed on the fence, you would never find out that these things are this bad or that it's, you know, whatever it is, a lot of times when you commit and you become so alive and, and, turn into your best self and the other person reacts in the worst way possible, then it's like.

Oh. This is so clear. It's so obvious, so helpful that I am in a good place with the support system I have and with everything that's going on to let me know this is not happening. And usually things will escalate so quickly on the other person because they don't like the change or they don't like that you became so happy and so powerful and so alive.

Then they will, they will suddenly become the real self. And then, you know, right away, you're like, okay, it's over where it's like, you just saved yourselves years and years of pain and suffering. Right? Like if amputation is the only way, then it's better to know sooner rather than later. Right. So either way, you're going to win by becoming intentional and committing to  being On that side of the fence, eventually, you know, whatever happens, happens.

We can't control it. We can't  tell God what you know, supposed to happen. I mean, we do all the time, but it doesn't necessarily mean we have the power to complaining is a great, you know, great option always. But I think it's just a really good point that you brought out, but like, you could be doing all the work and still not get the results you want.

And that's okay. You're still not going to lose from the experience

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 yeah. Well,  if I go back to improv and I'll say, okay, if it's not working, you stop and you try something else.  So you know, there, there's a time where you have to, what you're saying with your amputator or, or live with the pain, there's a time where you have to know, okay, this has to end, whether it's the scene, whether it's the job, whatever it is, there's a time you have to know.

And I think you hit on a very important word, which was you have to work at it.  Just like anything else in life, you have to work at marriage. You have to work at your job. You have to work at improvisation as well. And that's the only way to move forward. But I want to take you back to, to a statement that you also made.

You said about sort of allotting blame, let's say to somebody else. It's so easy to sort of say, when we're discussing, if there's a problem in our relationship, it's very easy to blame somebody else, right?  If I look at an example, it's like you can say, how could you come to a decision without discussing this with me?

And  so what you're doing is you're actually blaming somebody. And in improv, the third rule is pretty much don't ask so many questions, make statements because questions like, who are you? Where are you? What are you doing? It puts all the the work again on your partner. So whereas before the yes and  makes you have to do all the work by responding yes and what do you think of this or yes and how are we going to achieve that.

Instead of asking the questions, make the statement. Instead of saying, how could you make this decision without consulting me? You need to say,  you know, when you  make decisions and don't consult me, I feel, and that's a big thing, disregarded or that my, my opinion doesn't matter.  That allows it to open up to a discussion.

The minute you ask someone,  how could you make that decision?  There could be a response of like,  I did,  well, I don't know. So it doesn't really allow them to, and the minute you blame somebody,  they become defensive. Exactly. So, but, and, and that's kind of working in the relationship. In business. I think if you say,  well, how can we do, you know, I want to introduce. 

A, B, and C to this product, instead of saying, how can we do that?  You say,  I can see what you're thinking. We would have to implement C, D and E potentially to make that work. Or we could, so in other words, you're not, Asking and putting the onus onto the person to provide all the answers. You are collaborating now, which is really important. 

You are thinking together, which is really what it's about.  So that's really great. Is that the third rule?  Make statements, don't ask questions because it's very easy to come on stage and they'll say, oh freeze. This is a, this is a whatever I have a gun and you're like, what  are you doing?   You're not expanding for the person you're giving back to the person and making them do all the work instead of saying You know wow.

That's a,  you know like the answer I gave you before of like, is that the gun I gave you for your birthday? Who would buy somebody a gun for their birthday? But just,  you know, which takes it some way more constructive than just asking a question, what are you doing? And then the guy's going to think let me think, because that's what improv does.

It makes you think on your feet and it makes you, and it's, it's  easier if you are being in a  team and collaborating and communicating and accepting what someone's saying and then giving back  and that is What you're saying is really powerful. If you want to really be an active partner in any relationship, business, marriage, just play anything,  you should add to whatever is happening as opposed to just constantly be waiting for them to provide all the information, right?

So in a conversation, if you just keep throwing it back at them, Oh yeah, so what are you thinking? And how is this going to work?  say that? Why? You know,  oh my gosh, you don't tru going on? You know? And v who's asked a lot of ques I can see where that, you know, a lot of the people I work with, one of the biggest problems or the biggest issues is criticism.

And like my husband is always criticizing me. He's always telling me what's wrong. He's always walking in and whatever. Turns out that all he's doing is asking questions. He walks in and says, why is the cheese still on the table? It's, it's probably out here for too long because it's not cold anymore, you know?

And you're like, what do you want from me? Right? And. Really? He was just saying a statement of fact, like there's cheese on the table and you know, it's going in the  fridge so it doesn't go off. Right? So, you know, isn't it amazing if you could just say instead of asking why is the cheese on the table, you just say, Oh, there's cheese on the table.

Let me put it away. That's going to make me go, Oh yeah, I forgot that. Thank you so much for helping out. You know, I'm going to feel, I'm going to feel, I'm still going to know. I may, I did something wrong.  I still going to take responsibility for leaving the cheese on the table, but now I'm not going to feel.

attack.  And  this is so big because, you know, on one hand, the person receiving all these questions, remember that they're not personal to you. He's not trying to say that this means you are blah, blah, blah, nothing. It just means he's asking a lot of questions. And a lot of guys tend to do that. A lot of women.

And to receive that as criticism and he doesn't care. He doesn't love me. He just wants to see what's wrong with me all the time. He's always pointing out the negatives, right? Working the other way around as well. Cause women can always say, you know, why do you say, why are you saying that? Don't, don't you love me anymore?

What is, and they keep asking the questions of like, why can't you talk to me? Why are you being, why are you acting this way? And it's very sort of accusatory instead of saying for me, the most powerful word.  I guess in marriage is always, I feel,  I feel that we, or I feel whatever it is you feel and bring it into what the partnership can bring,  right?

When I'm left out of a decision, right?  It's very powerful because then you're just saying how you feel and the other person's like, Oh, you do? Because I totally didn't mean that. Like,  that's not what I meant. You feel that way because I,  and then whatever it is, right?  It definitely is really powerful to use statements as opposed to questions and being on the receiving end of that, not letting the questions, you know,  attack you,  be okay with, you know, allowing them to become statements, by guiding the conversation.

So the business environment as well, instead of being if you're a team leader. And someone brings you a proposal or a suggestion instead of grilling them and asking questions, the whole time  make statements that show I'm listening to you. I'm interested.  Let's see where this will take us.  Right. It makes the, your team feel a lot more they're a lot more willing to collaborate and to share their opinion and their thoughts, which could lead to amazing innovations whereas it would be completely the opposite if you come grilling them every time they bring something to you, you know what I mean?  So  for me, it's just amazing how the whole rules of improv really apply to so many different areas of our life because we are constantly improvising where you and I are improvising right now.

You're improvising the questions. I'm improvising the answers.  Have I prepared to a certain degree? Of course,  but there is still that  Impromptu kind of conversation that happens. Yeah You know, I do that on purpose because I find that it's the most interesting to listen to when there isn't a structure and very, you know, straight lines that you have to follow and stay within the lines and whatever.

We can have so much fun just being ourselves and shining and, you know, thinking on our feet. I think that it really  brought out really great points in the conversation itself, which I think was really, really fun to talk about. I think on a business level, since a lot of people who are listening are, in the early stages of entrepreneur, where they maybe have an assistant or, you know, a couple of people who they hire to do different things, being able to communicate with them really effectively.

is going to totally change the game because instead of you being on top telling them all what to do and them feeling like almost  You know intimidated by you. It can be a real co creation of something wonderful. You know, I'll give you an example. I have an amazing assistant who I'm blessed from here until the moon.

Like I love her. I bless God all the time that thank you for bringing her to my life. We are just, you know, amazing. And one of the things that I love about her is that she she comes up with ideas. She tells me what to do. She, you know, researches and says, Oh, you know, we should do this. And, you know, let's fix this and let's do that.

And it makes my life so much easier. And I think it can only happen because we had this conversation early on, you know, where it's like, I want you  to be creative. I want you to be yourself. And in return I appreciate what she's doing. I give her feedback. Of course, if something isn't in my taste or is, you know, something I'm not interested in doing fine.

You know, I can always communicate that, but it's such a fun bounce when you can see people as capable adults that can think on their feet too.  Absolutely. And this is, and this is again, another skill that, that improv teaches you. It's really teaches you how to be a leader, how to lead a team, how to lead a company, how to whatever it might be with these skills.

You really can bring out the best in people when you bring out the best in people, you become the best of yourself. So I just want to, there is one more rule that I want to go over if we may, if we have time. Yes, go for it. Okay. So, and this is really, really important. This one is  there are no mistakes. 

There are opportunities.  And I think this is really, really important. You know, when you're on stage and you have preconceived ideas and you're sort of saying, okay, I'm going to be a policeman riding on a bicycle and you're making these movements and your partner looks at you and goes,  She's a hamster on a wheel. 

In improv, guess what? You're going to be a hamster on a wheel because you have to adapt to what your partner is saying in order to make things work. So  it's really important to be  Flexible and adaptable and being adaptive is a huge skill. I think in, in leadership, I mean, look at what we had to adapt and during COVID, how we had to adapt during the war, all sorts of things where things are thrown at you that you're not expecting, and you've got to be able to lead through that.

And allows you, it gives you permission to, to say, okay, there's no mistakes. Only opportunity. What is the opportunity here? It's it kind of, I mean, if I'd look at it personally, I remember sort of when, when I was still  early married to my husband we decided we were going to take we had like a camper van kind of thing and we were going to tour around South Africa, which is where I'm from. 

And on the first day down, we had this massive accident. And we were hit. three times. It was raining. It was, we were the first car to be hit, so it wasn't our fault. Thank God. But it, it was a really big accident that blocked the highway for  the whole day. They had to cut people out of cars and whatever.

So first of all, we were blessed that we weren't severely hurt or anything like that. But there goes our holiday of touring around. Now, normal people would say, okay, well, we're There went a holiday. Let's go back home and recuperate.  And my husband said to me, you know what? My cousin lives just down the road.

Why don't we try and make our way there  and see what happens.  And I was just like,  all right, I'm going to go with that. Let's do it. I mean, I didn't really know his cousin very well. Well, we had the most amazing time at the cousin. I got to know him very, very well. And  it was the seeds to a beautiful friendship between my husband and I as a couple with his cousin. 

So   when things happen.  Just  allow yourself to be open and go and adapt. Okay. So we're not going to go traveling around the whole of South Africa in our little camper van, but  wow. Look at this opportunity that we had to get to know a family member really, really well. We became very important in our lives. 

So the same thing in improv, the same thing in business, a lot of inventions happen when mistakes are made. We look at penicillin, which is the biggest, most famous mistake of all, you know and when I gave you was a personal example of mine, but it's also in a relationship instead of saying, Oh no, I want to go home. 

Or I don't want to stay in this or whatever. Just be open and flow and adapt and see what adventure this can provide.  I love that.  Yeah.  I'm just saying it could be a lot of fun. It could be, you could, the most amazing things come out of it. It's a lot of fun. And that's what improv is. It's a, it's, it's about working together, teamwork.

It's about listening to each other. It's about working together, collaborating, communicating,  and it's fun.  You must never forget the fun.  It's so fun. You know, most of the time when I start before we record, I'm like, if we're not having fun, we're not doing it right. You know, that's like my only rule because I'm doing this podcast for the listeners.

I'm doing the podcast to leave an impact, to really help, to, you know, be here for you and everybody who's listening. And if it starts to get like draggy, hard and blah, whatever. I'm not going to do, I'm not going to stick to it, so it has to be fun for me, and I do, I do things that are against the rules or whatever, because that's what, it's fun for me, you know, I don't prepare questions, and I don't,  record ahead of time and then edit out all the mistakes or whatever.

I'm like, we're going live, you know, because I know if I have, if I have the opportunity to edit myself, I will, I'm a perfectionist and I'm going to sit there all day picking and choosing which words I want to say and which words that I said were in the right place, or maybe I made a mistake and going live forces me to improv, you know, forces me to just be and do and take action and do  Messy, you know, not have to be perfect, which for a perfectionist is a great skill to hone in on. 

So I love that you say that. I'm sorry. There's just no ways you can be perfect and improve no matter what. There's no way you can be perfect in life. And that's the problem is that perfectionists like me want to be perfect. You know? And like, can you imagine I was a graphic designer for 15 years and I was working for  big names and companies and Disney and Nickelodeon, Walmart, Target.

And it was like, Oh, this has to be perfect. We can't make mistakes. There's no such thing. There is no such thing. There's always a mistake. You know, you open up a book that they use. They spent 20 years writing and designing and doing all the things. And then like the first thing is  a typo like everybody is going to have that 

it's what makes us human. Exactly. And what you said, you know, there is no mistakes, just opportunities. It reminded me of my grandmother, who was an artist. And whenever we would make a mistake, we would try to erase it. She says, no erasing. There is no erasing. You just keep, keep going with the line. Keep seeing where it takes you.

Maybe you didn't expect the line right there, but now that could become a leaf. It could become a flower.  And she used to really force us to keep going without erasing. And I think it allowed us to see progress because when you stop to grace, what you're doing is you're basically pausing life, right?

You're like, wait, I have to fix it. You know, you can't go on and you can't have a show not go on. You know, you can't have life paused and be like, one second, I have to clean something behind the scenes. Like, no, it has to be real. Yeah, we're talking about shows. I mean, if you go see the same show on different nights, it's going to be a totally different show because first of all, the audience matters, right? If as soon as the audience changes, the vibe changes, the atmosphere changes, the dynamic changes. So the show changes with it. And you know what? Actors are going to forget something sometimes, and that's okay because, they know the play well enough to be able to improvise, to get them back to where they should be.

So you might not have heard an actor say something specific  in one show, but they'll say it in another. And it doesn't, it doesn't,  it makes it a different experience.  But on the whole, it's still that, that, that wholeness, that's still the show. It's still giving the message. It's still, you know, putting that out into the world in the way it was intended. 

Yeah. So  there are directors who insist that you, you know, I think in Shakespeare, it's important that you get the language right. And there are very few actors who can improvise in Shakespeare, although I have seen it. I have seen it, but when I direct shows, if people kind of change things a little bit, or, you know, say one word instead of another, I'm fine with it because that's their truth. 

That's, they're being authentic to themselves and that's fine. As long as it doesn't change the  essence.  Right. Then that's fine. Just go with it. Adapt, flow. You'll see.  And also  you tell actors, play, go ahead, make mistakes because sometimes the most incredible magic and the most brilliant moments come when they are making mistakes and are free  to explore and suddenly, wow, I just understood my character now because I was allowed to do that,  right?

It has been said that there are certain shows where they just didn't give them lines.   They didn't tell them what was actually going to happen. So, you know, they, in certain, in certain movies or whatever they just had something explode and all the characters thought it was going to be fake and it ended up being super real.

And they themselves  made these faces and  reacted in ways that they wouldn't have been able to fake,  if not for the fact that they really were surprised.  Right. And they just had one take They took, you know, they had everybody recorded right at that moment. And it was the most successful scene because there was just no way to fake it.

It was so good the way it was. Yeah, it kind of makes me, there's, there's something inside of me that makes me go because every time that you're doing a scene, you have to be in the moment and present and feel everything as real as possible. Otherwise the audience is going to feel that you're faking it.

Right. So it's kind of, I understand that kind of experiment,  but I think that actors should have the tools to be able to authentically convey that shock and surprise night after night after night. Oh, for sure. I'm not talking about a live show. I'm talking about. For sure. It's really, it's really fun.

This is, this has been such a fun conversation. I think that just knowing the rules, which, you know, there are no rules, but within the no rules, the rule is allow yourself to be open, allow yourself to be curious, allow yourself to be creative, allow yourself to go with the flow, even when there are mistakes, even when you think you messed up, even when, you know, could you imagine messing up with your husband?

And be like, pause. You know, that's a great line too. If you just do that, that'd be amazing. Because for your marriage sake, if you say pause, I just made a mistake. I did not mean to say that. Can we rewind? That's a great line by the way. And I've used it before. Like I didn't mean to say that I want to rewind.

I want to retake, you know, and it allows you to apologize really quickly and move on without making a big deal about it. Okay.  And just take a deep breath and be like, it is what it is. Let's let, you know, keep going.  Yeah. I think the best thing about improv. Seriously, is you just have to be in the moment and life is so rich in every aspect, you know, we keep saying live in the moment, live every day to the foot, whatever, but, but this really puts you there in, in a very real tangible way of being in the moment.

Cause nothing is scripted, nothing is, you know, ahead of time. So if you want to learn how to do that. There's nothing better than improv. And if you want to learn how to really amplify life, I think,  and amplify the impact that you can have.  You should go to improv and use these rules  wherever you can, because they're amazing. 

Yeah. I love it. You know, this is how my husband learned Hebrew. He signed up for an improv class where everybody else was Hebrew speakers and nobody knew English. So he had to learn to be funny in Hebrew. And it really pushes you to the next level because knowing a language and actually being able to be funny in that language are two different things.

And. It's so powerful. It really, I see how much of a, you know, of an impact it made on his confidence level in the language. And also just amongst Hebrew speakers in general, he threw himself in and was like, okay, showing up, you know, he was older than everyone else. He didn't have the language. But he had such an amazing time and I remember it was always Thursday night so that, you know, Friday nights, we all got the show, you know, like a repeat of what was going on.

And it was just me and my two daughters at the time. We were really little. Like I think back, I'm like, Oh my gosh, that was a long time ago.  Yeah, we made Aliyah 16 years ago. So it was a long time ago.  It was just, you know, me and my little girls and we would just laugh and laugh and he had such a good time teaching us and telling us what they did that week.

So I definitely recommend it. Okay, Daniela, we're running out of time. I want everyone to know how to reach you how to find you how to work with you because you're just so awesome. Oh, thank you. I think the easiest way is to Find me on my website, which is centerstageisrael. com. And it's center spelled the American way, C E N T E R.

And there you've got contact forms. You've got my numbers on the website. I'm on Facebook under Daniela Crankshaw. You know, link up with me contact me. I think that's the easiest and best way.  Sounds great. I love it. And if you guys want to learn more about coaching with me, go to connected for real.

com slash coaching and check it out. You get a free discovery call. So if you want to talk to me for 60 minutes and get really, You know, improv me where I'm just there for you and showing up and being present and collecting all of the different parts of your puzzle and putting it all together into a roadmap is the best way to do it.

So definitely go check it out. I love it. This has been such a fun conversation. Thank you so much. I so appreciate  your inviting me here. It's been so much fun to just  see where improv takes us and how it fits in. So thank you for that. Yeah, thank you. And thank you for being so, so fun to balance the ideas back and forth on.

 We really had a good, a good time here. Yeah. I enjoyed it.  I hope the listeners loved it. And as usual, make sure to come back next week for another episode and don't forget to stay connected for real. Thank you so much.

 And that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

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