133. How to Dress and Feel Your Best

Devora Golan is a person Stylist and Empowerment Coach. Her passion is helping women look and feel their best and helping them activate their potential. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman is a marriage coach for women in business. Join them as they talk about clothing and how to achieve your goals and become your best self.

 Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started 

 And we are  live. Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman marriage coach for women in business. And today with me on the show is Devorah Golan. And I'm so excited because we are talking about clothing and marriage and business and how it affects your life. And Devorah is a stylist.

So Devorah, introduce yourself and then we'll get into it.. Hi everyone. My name is Devorah Golan. I am a personal stylist and empowerment coach.

I live in Israel and I help women all over the world step into their power, find their confidence through a combination of styling techniques, as well as mindset work.  I love that.  Okay. What would you say your specialty is? What makes you different than all the other stylists out there? So I'm so glad you asked because I have a very unique four step method of styling.

And that is called my star method. The S stands for signature. Before we even get into the clothing and the styling, we need to find out your signature and that is who you are, who is your brand. Even if you're not in business, I still call it a brand because we need to really find out who you are. where you're going, what your goals are, what are your superpowers?

That is the most important thing before we can even get to the clothing and the styling aspect. So that's number one. We need to find out who we are, what our special qualities are, where we want to go and what our goals are. So that's number one. Then we're going to move on to the T, which is Toss. And we're going to toss out the physical and also the emotional and mental things that are not serving us right now.

Who we are and where we want to go. So we're going to go through our wardrobe, see what is no longer serving us. What is no longer working. Okay. For our bodies, our mindset,  our business, our lives. What is working, what is not, we're going to get rid of all the things that are not working in the wardrobe and also in our mindset, and that is the negative self talk, that's the limiting beliefs, all the things that are not serving us, that are not useful for meeting our goals and helping us become our best selves.

We're going to toss all that out. And then we'll be ready for the A, which is align. Once you found your signature, you figure out who you are and where you want to go. You toss out all the negativity and all the wardrobe pieces that are not serving you currently. Then you're ready to align yourself. And that is where you can open yourself up to the new.

That means new wardrobe, new things that you're, how you're going to present yourself, put on your body. And also new ideas. We're going to align ourselves with all the things that are going to help us grow and help us become the person we're always meant to be. So you have your signature, you tossed out all the negative wardrobe and also thoughts you can, you've aligned yourself.

And then you are ready for the R which is rise. Once you've done all those things, you can rise into your power, become your best self and activate the person you were always meant to be.  I love it. I love it. This reminds me a lot of my method, which is the calm method. So I'm just going to say it for the people who are new around here, but this is something I talk about a lot and I love how they work really well together.

So the C and calm is connect to yourself. You need to know what you want.  And once you know what you want, then you can, A, Ask for abundance. So turn to God and ask him for what you want. You know, a lot of people, they turn to God before they know what they want. And it sounds very whiny and like, what do you want from me?

I don't even know what you want. And like, what is this happening? And you know, it doesn't feel good. But if you stop for a moment before you turn to God and really connect to yourself and what you want, then when you come to God, you're going to be a lot more centered and grounded and organized in your head, you're going to say, okay, listen, this is what I want.

I want to know if it lines up with your will. And if it does, you know, show me, help me,  guide me. And that's, that's the A is ask, ask for abundance.  And then the L is listen, listen for the answer. Because when you ask, then you start getting answers. And the sad thing is that in,  we've all been taught how to ask, but we've never been taught, taught how to listen.

So this is a skill that I really love teaching my clients because you can really hear God directly when you start to take action and go for the things that you think are the right way. And then. God adjusts it, you know, he shows you what he wants, what he doesn't want. So really, really powerful. And then once you have that going now, you're like, Oh my gosh, my mind is blown.

I just got answers. You know, I just got guidance. There's the M. The M is the most important part, which is master a higher level of consciousness. And that basically means, you know, don't let yourself fall back into whatever mud, whatever things that, you know, that thought process of like, Oh, it's too hard.

I can't do it. It's nothing like, forget about it. Once you're up there flying, you already got in touch with what you want and asked for it and received it. And, you know, you're getting the answers. Now you're flying. Stay that way. How do you stay there by mastering it by thinking by being in gratitude by telling other people by surrounding yourself with the right friends.

So all these things are a part of master. And and I love how we can master a higher level of consciousness and really fly. And The reason why I have this podcast is because I like flying with other people. I like we were all up there together. So I really like what you said about finding your signature first, right?

Cause like you could have made us find your style, which is totally.  Superficial,  but when you say signature, there's something very deep about it And do you want to talk about that a little bit more because I really love that It's interesting that you said superficial because a lot of people think that it's oh, it's it's so superficial but I actually feel like What we put into our body is so not superficial.

It really helps us connect to ourselves as well as the outside world. It's not like, Oh, I have to be on top of the latest trends and I have to follow all the fashion and I have to do this, it's really like, what is going to help me be my best self and perform my best and connect to others the best and your clothing is actually  almost the first line of defense, like almost like an armor between your soul and the outside world.

So that's why I actually feel like it's. So the opposite of superficial, it's actually extremely important and it's actually extremely deep  what we put on our bodies and how we present ourselves to the world. So going back to the question which was. Remind me the question. The signature. I want to hear more about how to find your signature because I feel like a lot of people, it's very aligned to the sea and connect to yourself.

Like, it's very hard to do. A lot of people are like, what do you mean? What do I want? I don't, I don't get to want, you know, it's like a very difficult concept to wrap your head around if you're not used to it.  For sure. So  I tell my clients to first of all we're going to focus on  the physical and we're going to focus on the emotional, mental and spiritual, which is the inside.

So we're going to write down two lists. One list is  The best part about our physical. And the reason why I start with that is because a lot of people, when they look in the mirror, they don't see anything they like. It's like, they go straight for the flaws and straight for the negative. So it's really important for me to at least find like one or two things to start.

There's going to be a lot more as we work more together, but to start, there has to be at least one or two things that you wouldn't change. And you will love just how you are. So the goal is to really. Show women that they are perfect and valuable and worthy exactly how you are right now. You do not have to change a thing.

It's more about  bringing out the best parts of you, but they're already there. You don't have to become anyone different. To be your best self. So, I have people write a list of a few physical aspects, at least one, minimum one, that you absolutely love about yourself and  tell me why. Let's say, I use eyes because it's a really easy example, but you love your eyes, right?

Do you love the shape of them? Do you love the color? Do you love  the depth? There's so many things you can go into. So you can pick anything. Maybe you love your chin. It could be the, the shape. It could be how it, it goes, whatever it is. So really like look at that thing and then make  a subcategory of things, why you love that.

And then we move on to the personality traits. What are things that you love about your personality? What are you really good at? and then the most important one is finding your superpower. And if you don't know what your superpower is, I tell people to ask close family members or friends, not necessarily in those words, because people are like, what does that mean, a superpower?

Basically, a superpower is something that you're really, really, really good at. It comes naturally to you, it's not difficult, and it's something maybe not everyone else can do. So it doesn't have to be like anything crazy, like it could be something as simple as like, I'm a really good storyteller, or I'm a great problem solver, or I am an amazing listener like nobody else.

So those are like a combination of the physical attributes,  the personality trait attributes and your superpower, that all makes up your signature. And then once we have that, we can talk about some goals you want to get to and make a plan to get there.  I love that. You know, I tell my people that in order to find your superpower, you basically have to think of the thing that comes the easiest to you and you totally take for granted.

It took me a really long time. So I'll tell you about me. My superpower is my connection to God is so straight, so, direct. I don't know how, maybe it's the way I grew up. You know, my father had that also he was talking to God all day like, Oh God, where are the shoes? We need the shoes. We're running late and you know, we would find the shoes and like, God.

And I, that's how I grew up. So to me, that sounds normal. I, you know, I then grew up to realize that that is not normal for most people. But that's how I grew up. So to me, it just feels very natural to look up and say, okay, God, what's up? Like, what do you, what, what is this for? What, what's going on? How can I rise to this or whatever the conversation is?

I once heard someone say, like, put God on your speed dial. We don't have those these days now it's just called favorite, but you know, it was, it's a, it's a skill that I didn't even notice because I thought it was so normal to me. It was so such a given, like, So what, you know, so I talked to God, like, okay.

And then I asked my friend, a lot of people don't have that.  Yeah, it's it's now, now I know that, but at the time,  when I asked my friends, they said, you're so connected, but you're also so grounded. You're also so normal. You're also so real. And that's where connected for real came up.  The name of my podcast name on business is because.

That is the superpower. It's not just that I'm super connected. It's not just that I'm super normal and practical and relatable and all that cool stuff, but like the combination of the two. So, so once you find that. It takes a while to believe it. You're like, really, you guys think this is cool?  Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. And I can, I can tell you for me something that comes really, really naturally to me and I'm like, but everyone has that, like, it's not like even the thing that we can talk about is my natural empathy, I'm an extremely, extremely able to relate to people, empathetic kind of person. And.

Everyone who I meet, like I make people feel really comfortable and it's not something that I try to do. It just comes completely naturally to me. And I'm like, but that's just being a normal human being. That's not like anything special. Apparently it is.  Exactly. So that's, I think that's the reason why you say, ask other people, because on your own, it's very hard to believe that this is even a thing, you know, it's like, we don't even call it a thing.

skill, let alone a superpower, because we don't see it as anything. I have a friend who, you know, loves tech and everything techs just like, Oh yeah, I can figure that out. Oh, big deal. Who cares? Why would anybody pay me for this? It's so easy. I'm like, are you kidding?  Everybody needs a tech girl like you.

Everybody just wants you in their pocket.  And because it comes so easy, we oversee it. We overlook it. We're looking for the thing that we're like, really good at because we worked hard at it. That's what we think is going to be our superpower, but actually  that's not the thing. So I love that we're talking about this.

This is really fun. Yeah.  So that my empathetic ability and my my eye that I can see things that are not there and like put things together. The combination of those two really, really helps me become the best personal stylist slash empowerment coach that I can be. So it just like all fall into place.

And like, it's just, this is exactly me. Like I don't even have to try. It's just, this is who I am. Yeah. And I love that. Did you guys notice that both of us have two different things that we take for granted and didn't really notice until we realized those were two things that seemingly look like they're completely different.

Not related, but then when you put them together, that's when you start getting superpowers, right? So for you, it's like the empathetic Nature and the ability to connect to people and make them feel comfortable and really listen to them, you know, fully and it comes with an over sensitivity and all the cool stuff that, you know, comes along with that, but also the ability to see things that, you know, our potentials and aren't really there.

And maybe you could put together and, you know, all that, when you put that together now,  you're unique. There's no one else doing that in the world. And that's when you know that automatically, in my opinion, that automatically takes you up to the R, which is like rise to your power. Because as soon as you realize what you have and you start believing it, 'cause that's another, you know, another skill to believe that, oh my gosh, that this is even a thing.

Yes, it's a thing.  It will take you so far. Yeah, and that is exactly why I start with a signature. A lot of people think that the S is for styling because that would be the easiest. But before we can even begin to think about dressing yourself, you really need to like connect with yourself deeply and know exactly who you are. 

Yes, I love that. I love that.  Wow. Okay, so let's get into how this affects marriage and business. Because I am a marriage coach for women in business. And I love talking about those two topics.  How would you say this? Relates to marriage. Okay. So I feel like this relates to everything. I feel like it's, it relates to our entire lives and once we feel confident with ourselves,  every, your whole entire life gets better.

It's actually like, it's crazy. People like, it's it people don't understand unless you've been through the process and have been to the other side. Like how much when you feel confident and great about yourself every single day It literally affects everything in your life. It affects how productive you're gonna be in your job It affects your relationships with your friends and family and your husband  It literally affects everything because you're gonna act differently.

You're gonna hold yourself differently. You're gonna by putting your your Own needs first, almost. We, we, we learn so much as women to like give to others. And, you know, be providers and be comforters and be givers. But before you can do that, you need to take care of yourself a little bit. And once you have that and you're so connected and you know what you need, then you can be your best selves for everyone else around you, including your husband and your family and your friends. 

I love that. I love that. I feel like it's so true. A lot of what happens is, you know, we get all prim and proper for the dates and we get all excited. And then at the wedding, we look our best and there's something really exciting about it. In the first year, you're still dressing up and looking cute.

And eventually you just sort of like, mush into life.  And, and there's a danger there because yes, it's really good that you're feeling comfortable with your husband. And now it's just sort of like, eh, it's just my husband, so I don't have to, you know, get dressed up.  But there's something really special that you're leaving behind, which is  that connection to yourself.

As you know, feeling really special in regard to your husband. So I want to, I want to really talk about that. I think, I think it's a really important thing to bring up to awareness and just notice.  Right. So I think when it becomes like so a part of your life, especially when you have  an entire wardrobe of things that you absolutely love and adore and feel amazing in every single day, it doesn't like you mentioned, like for the wedding dating the first year, but that implies there's some kind of a big effort.

Like I'm going to  spend , you know, an hour, a half an hour, 20 minutes, like doing my hair and makeup and my clothes. Yeah. Yeah. It, once you have like a base of  amazing outfits and it's so easy to do, it doesn't feel like a chore. It doesn't feel like an effort. So you can feel  special and amazing, whether it's getting dressed up for yourself or for your husband without a tremendous amount of work and still feel like, wow, I look great.

And I put this, even if it's like a one minute, two minute effort in, and I feel so good. And that's how it becomes like an easy thing to do, but also, Still putting in a slight effort. You don't look like a schlump. You don't look like a schmatza. You know, for, for those who don't know, just like lazy and uncomfortable, whatever, you're always going to look good, but it's not going to feel  like a big deal because you already have that system and set up in place.

That you are looking good, feeling good with very minimal effort. I love that. I love that you're saying the effort part, just like we were talking about the superpower. We think it's the things that we work hard at. That are going to move the needle. And at the end of the day, it's the everyday normal things that we do that really make a difference.

So if you can get your wardrobe to a place where it just feels normal to wake up and get dressed and I don't have to think about it, I don't have to stress about it, I don't have to try. I'm not working at getting dressed. Then it becomes. natural, second nature easy.  and yet you're still comfortable and happy in your clothes, right?

It's still, I think dress is supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to be, Oh, I'm going to try a million things. Nothing looks good. I don't know what to move for today. It's supposed to be like this, like fun connecting experience. And I really, I tell my clients, it's really a gift almost. So you can give yourself every single day.

First thing in the day, you're setting the tone for your entire day. by what you put on your body. So that is what I call dressing with intention. And that is when I, I'm, I'm so used to it now, so I don't do this, but we'll just, just starting out either, get a journal and write out three words of intention for the day.

It doesn't have to be anything big. It could be calm. It could be productivity. It could be feminine. Whatever you're feeling at that moment of that day write it down or say it out loud. And then once you  have it in the world either in writing or you know out loud in words Then you can choose an outfit that is going to help you Accomplish those goals and make you feel how you want to feel and that's going to set the tone for the entire day And make your entire day better. 

Yeah, I think in order to do that. The first thing you need to do is Get rid of all the things that make you feel yucky, you know? Tea is for toss, yep.  Yeah, tea is for toss.   It's such a life changer because if the first thing that's  staring at you in the face is a bunch of bullies, Telling you you don't fit you're not good enough.

This is, whatever, this is all you deserve. This, this color may be washed out, but who cares? It's all you have, whatever. It's like, it's literally bullies in your, in your closet. Why would you want that? And to start every day like that is exhausting. And I don't think we realize how, how much of an effect that has on us.

It does. It's a, it's a, that's why I say it's everything and it relates to all of our relationship and all of our lives and everything because that is how you're starting the day, even if you work from home. Even if you're, you know, only do zoom meetings, even if you don't see anyone the whole day, it doesn't matter.

You're going to, how you dress, you're saying I'm worthy enough to get dressed up to spend the minute or two, not an hour trying on a thousand things, not a half an hour,  not being happy with what you have, but just like a minute or two saying I'm good enough and I'm worthy enough to feel great.

And so I'm going to put things on that make me feel amazing.   Yeah, you're reminding me when I had my first baby,   I came to my mother's house right after the birth. I think the baby was a couple of days old and the neighbor who is a physician came over and said, I'm going to give you the best advice ever.

And you're going to never have to deal with postpartum depression with any of your births. Get dressed every day. And I was like, that's it. I thought it was such a lame piece of advice, but it has really, really saved my life on so many occasions. First of all, if you wake up in the morning and you have to get dressed right away, there's no other choice. 

It just throws you into the day. And especially if you have things you love to wear, it really starts you off on the right foot. Exactly.  A hundred percent. Yeah. That's, I mean, there's nothing much I can add to that because that's, I mean, it's so true. Like, you know,  even if you're working from home, if you have babies, if you, you know, just are not even planning to leave the house all day you are going to act differently if you're in your pajamas all day or if you're just wearing a sweatshirt or whatever it is.

Like there's actually a scientific study behind this. It's called enclosed cognition. And that is what we put on and how we get dressed completely affects our mood and completely affects how we interact with the world. So even if you're not seeing anyone, even if it's Just your husband or just yourself.

Your whole day is going to go differently. If you put on clothes and get dressed, especially with things that you love. Yeah. I love how you did this with your fingers and you said, just because guys, it's not just, it's not just yourself  is worth it. You are worthy of feeling really great in your clothes, even if it's just you the entire day at home and.

You know, think about it. If your husband comes home, woo, you definitely get dressed. Right? Like, why not? Why are we thinking it's just, I remember when COVID hit and holiday were upon us and a lot of people were really sad that they couldn't have guests. Because usually on Sukkot, we go out, there's more room.

You can have guests, it's outdoors, who cares? And everybody was stuck at home alone. And I said, don't let that take away from the preparation. If you're going to make fancy food for the neighbors or for the guests, why would you not make that for your own family, right? If you're going to get dressed up for the guests, why wouldn't you get dressed up for yourself?

Like, I want you to take yourself seriously enough to do the things that you want to do.  Not for anyone else, but really for you.

  Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly? Feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one on one private coaching is for and I want to invite you, just you and me, For a free deep dive discovery call.

This is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions And we extract the three main things that are holding you back I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations With practical steps  the call is free and so valuable in itself. So go book yours today Now back to the show 

 Absolutely. Yeah. I say the same thing about a pretty table. If you're going to  set a pretty table, like I'm very into  my table skates and like all  the pretty  tableware.

So if you do that when you have company, why would you not do that? Like when it's just you guys. Okay. So it's, it's less to set up. It's less people maybe, but like, it's just as fun to like come to a meal and see like, wow, everything's so beautiful and set up and like, just like getting dressed, it sets the tone it, when you walk into a room and when you're going to a simcha, the first thing you notice is like, wow, look at the decorations.

I have everything set up so beautifully. So it's, it's completely like you do that for yourself and for a table and for the food. It really, it relates to everything for sure. I love that. I love that. And you did bring this up a little bit about business, but I want to just put a focus on that for just a moment. 

A lot of people, especially women in business are working from home. They're on zoom, they're doing their things. Maybe they go out once a month to like a networking meeting, right? Like that's basically what it looks like. And, and that's dangerous because what can happen is in the beginning, you're all excited and whatever.

And again, same thing, like in marriage, we get used to things. We get into rhythms. We get into this, like. Almost like a rut if you don't  become intentional about what you're going to be wearing, what you're going to be doing.  Right, for sure. Yeah. And I guess it's just the same thing that we've been saying that, like you shouldn't be dressing for going out for the rest of the world.

The most important thing is dressing for yourself. So even if you're on zoom meetings, first of all, they see still see this most of the time, unless you're gonna be a black screen, they still see it. So you still have to be like, at least, you know, You know half dressed every day or like, you know through a third dress that's number one and number two is even if you don't have zoom meetings Even if you're literally just working from home by yourself on the computer, you know with a notebook, whatever it is you're going to get so much more done And opportunities are actually going to open for you doors are going to open for you when you dress for the life that you want  Not just you know Okay, I have to get dressed in order to like make my day go like  Where do you want to go in your life?

 What do you want to accomplish? Start dressing for that. And you'll see how many doors open for you and how many opportunities you'll get. And like we said, even if you're not in that space right now of like growing, growing, growing, growing, when you get dressed, you are going to be so much more productive.

You're going to have such a better day. You're going to feel better. And so you're going to work better, even if it's just from home, just by yourself or just on zoom meetings.  I love that. So let's get practical. I want somebody who's listening to this podcast to say, I can do this one thing today, or, okay, I can start to think about this, but,  But overwhelming to go from where you are to where you want to be.

There's a lot of steps. And especially if, you know, we've been talking a lot about worthiness and you are worthy of getting dressed. You're worthy of, of, you know, loving the way you look, whatever. A lot of people are not there yet. So even just the first step to reaching that, what is some, what are some practical things you can give us? 

So the first thing I would say, if you're not, yet there of like completely, fully loving yourself and how you look. The first step I would say, even before you can find that one thing that you love, is don't be mean to yourself. If you can't be nice to yourself yet or love your whole self yet, at least don't be mean.

 Like you use the word bullying. Stop bullying yourself. Stop saying like  what that's your appearance or who you are. I look so gross. I, I, oh, I'm so fat or I, you know, I don't like how my belly is looking or nobody's going to want to listen to what I have to say. Nobody's interested in, you know, my expertise or, you know, what my skill is like, nobody's going to pay for that.

Stop being mean to yourself. You have to say, you don't know, like, okay, maybe I'm not ready to, fully embrace everything. But let's just get to a little bit of a neutral point. Like, okay, maybe I don't love everything about myself, but I'm okay.  I'm okay. And we're going to go from there.

Or you know, maybe I'm not  the number one expert in my field, but I do actually have a lot of knowledge and  what I acknowledge I should share with the world because I'm really, really good at what I do. I have a lot of experience. I have a lot of knowledge. And people are going to want to know what I have to say.

So start there. Don't go from like all or nothing. Oh my God. I feel horrible myself all the time to , everything is wonderful. I reach activated my potential. I know exactly where I want to go. So I would say before you even get to the self love is just stop bullying yourself and stop being mean.

If you wouldn't talk to your best friend or your kid that way, don't talk to yourself that way.  Yeah. Yeah. There's a real power to the speech that we use, especially when we're talking to ourselves. I love that. It's such good advice. You know, I think also like you're saying going from oh, I can't do this I'm such a mess to oh, I have it all put together is such a lie.

Your brain is just going. Yeah, right Who are you trying to fool?  But you could say something neutral like, you know, maybe it's possible for me To get it together or, or I want to get it together. Sometimes just being able to declare what you want, which is, you know, step one  in my method,  just say what you want.

I want to feel good about myself. Like, oh, well, now I have. a destination. Now I know where I'm going because I'm ready to want it.  Right. And I think that also relates to the dressing with intention part. It's the very first thing that you can do for your day. Even if you don't yet have a closet full of clothes that you love, you probably have like a favorite dress or a favorite top, or even a color that makes you just feel, you know, alive.

Put on that, put on that today and put on say like, I'm worth feeling really good and I may not be like fully there yet or even, you know, starting yet, but the first thing I can do is put something on like  my, I love purple. So put on a purple dress. That's going to, just make me feel like brighter and more alive.

And that just makes everything a little bit easier. And it gives you an instant confidence boost. And that's going to really push you along your journey. So that's something that you can do every single day for yourself. It's really a gift.  I love that, you know, by the way that I love purple too. And I think that a lot of people Who are extraordinary, love purple.

And I once told somebody who we were talking about colors, whatever I was, and then branding and, you know, all this stuff I was like, we should start a group of  purple people, because there really is something that pulls us all together. There's something really special. I, I love how aligned.

What we're saying is right. Like you guys, we never met. We're just, you know, we jumped into a conversation and I love that this happened because it allowed us to really off each other without knowing what a person is going to say. And I think that's really a gift too, because, you know, for you listeners, being able to witness that is probably really entertaining and really exciting. 

For sure. Yeah, absolutely. She wasn't joking, by the way, we've never met. Actually, the first time we've spoken is yesterday. So this is this is all off the cuff for sure. Yeah. So the to those who are listening for a long time, I planned out the entire year of my podcast before I had the baby. And I recorded every single episode almost.

And Everything was working as planned until my assistant said, Hey, you never recorded this one. I was like, what?  And I looked back, I was like, yep, you're right. It fell through. And I don't know how he did that. So let's record it now. And I quickly found a guest that is going to talk about styling and clothing and marriage and business.

And I'm really glad that Devorah was the first name that came up.  This is one of those like, you know, magic things that happen when you have a network is like, Hey, I know this. to each other. Yeah, God knows how to work it. I love it. I call it orchestrating. So I asked my friend and she said, Oh, of course, Devorah Golan should be your guest.

And it all worked out perfectly. And so just the update for all of you who've been listening for a while. And all I'm saying is I'm big, pregnant. I'm not pregnant anymore. I have a baby and she's three months old. It's a girl and she's delicious.  And you know what? I think we could talk about styling in the transitions as well, just because that's a really fun topic to touch on.

We're not going to go too deep into it. But I do want to say there's something really interesting about  that identity shift, right? You're going from pregnant, Oh, your belly is so cute to postpartum. It's like, nobody look at my belly, ignore, you know, please do not notice. And it's, it's just really funny  to  be aware of that, right?

Like you go from one extreme to the other.  Yeah, for sure. And I think like for sure in pregnancy, it's very obvious because it's almost like a really quick change. Like all of a sudden you're, you have a huge diamond pregnant belly and then like, okay, there's no baby, but like I still have a belly and like, it doesn't  feel so great.

Cause  when you're pregnant, you're all like glowy and you're excited and they're gonna, you know, there's an excuse to  be on the bigger side and everyone's like so thrilled that you're so big. But then after that we have this list sort of like this bounce back mentality that like you're supposed to just  okay have a baby and then within a few weeks you're supposed to  get back to your pre baby body and that's for most people not really possible or plausible most people don't have personal trainers and nutritionists at their bank call and also i think as we age besides having a baby It's actually really natural for our bodies to change, whether it's you know, age, perimenopause, different stages of life, pregnancy it's normal and healthy that our body goes through changes and we're not going to look the same at 40 than we did when we're 20 and even if babies are not involved, of course, you know, postpartum is an obvious choice, but our bodies are going to change and that's perfectly normal and perfectly healthy.

It can be difficult because change is hard. But we, we have this notion that once we reach adulthood, we're just supposed to  Stay that way forever. And, we're supposed to look the same. Like when you're 20 years old, nobody would expect you to look like you did when you're 10, right? Like you go through the tremendous changes from the age 10 to 20.

You go through incredible changes and everyone's like, wow, it's so great. You grew up, you know, you have a completely different body now. Why would we think that we would look the same? At 30, 40, 50 or beyond than we did when we were 20, whether there's babies involved or not, it doesn't matter. Our bodies are going to change.

They're supposed to change and that's perfectly okay. I understand that. I completely validate that. It's sometimes it can be very difficult to cope with those changes, but it's not a bad thing. It's not a negative thing. It's just a thing that happens. And, you know, I think that's when we have those.

Those things. And, and I start with one or two things. I was telling you before with my clients, but we really, really build up and we get to a point where there's many, many more things that we love about ourselves than we dislike about ourselves. So I think If you have that, especially for postpartum when there's this gigantic change, hormones are raging, you know, if you have those things to fall back on that I really love about myself.

Okay, so your body looks different, your belly is not in, you know, the state it was pre baby, but  you still have, you know, Many things that you can look in the mirror and be like, okay, I love how my eyes look. I love my hair. I love my hands. You know, whatever it is and be like, okay,  I'm actually like really beautiful.

Like it doesn't matter.  If certain aspects of my body have gone through changes I'm still beautiful just the way I am. Even if I, don't necessarily lose the baby weight. I am gorgeous. I am worthy and I'm beautiful and that's it. I love that.  While you were talking, I was thinking, it's so funny.

People ask me all the time, you know, you see someone who just had a baby. The first thing you ask is, so how are you feeling? Are you back to yourself?  And my answer is, I don't think it's possible to go backwards. I am going forwards and I am enjoying myself. You know, like, I'm, I'm getting used to the new me. 

And it's a really important point to bring up. We're not going backwards. Life is not going back to anything, right? You can never say, Oh, I'm back to myself. Stop trying to go back to yourself and just go forward to who you're becoming now. And for me, by the way, in regards to clothing on a practical level, for me, this means wearing my,  my go to dresses. 

No matter what  stage I'm in. So I have dresses that are good for pregnancy and good for nursing and good for any time. And it makes me really excited that I don't have to change my clothes, right? Like I don't have to change the things that are in my wardrobe or make any gigantic shifts  in my identity or whatever.

I just feel like there's this one thing that doesn't change. And that's, Sort of the thing that grounds me, it's very exciting. And a lot of people are uncomfortable doing that. Like, no, you're supposed to, or, you know, like you were saying, I don't have a personal trainer and a nutritionist. I don't even want one necessarily.

Like I'm going to be happy being in the journey.  Right. And that's amazing. It's sometimes it's hard for people to. appreciate the now and not feel like how I want to be or, you know, how I was just appreciate where you are right now. And I love like that. You can appreciate  the, the journey, like you said, or like the, you know, the path or the way it's every single day is like, You know, what's this going to bring?

What, how, how is it going to be  you know, exciting time in my life. And I also love the fact that you said, why would you want to get back to yourself? Like you're, you're not the same person you were pre baby. You're not the same person you were five or 10 years ago. Why would you want to be that person?

My youngest is 11 and I, I'm. Definitely not back to who I was, you know, before I had him. But like, why would you want to. You're supposed to be growing and evolving as a human being constantly. So the goal is not to get back to where you were is to be like, okay, where do I want to go from here and appreciating the journey and.

Really valuing every single step of the way.  I love that becoming who you're being called to become. Really, when you lean into that, that's when you can really open up to rising. I love it. Oh, this is so fun. This has been amazing. I'm sure we're going to have you back on the show eventually, because it's such a great conversation.

Tell everybody how they can find you and and where they can work with you. For sure. So my main places are Instagram and Facebook. On Facebook, it is my name, Devora Golan. On Instagram, it's Mod Stylista. And I have this amazing program called the Empowerment Experience. I have just two slots open this summer.

So if you want to jump on that message me, get on, hop on a free consultation call. I think I gave you the link for that and we will discuss how we can. help you feel your best and bring out your best self.  I love it. So you guys can check out the show notes below and get on that because it sounds really amazing.

I absolutely love your four step process. I think I am going to be implementing it within my own process. So it's, it's really fun and I appreciate that you came on today. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun.  You're welcome. And thank you all for listening. Don't forget to be connected for real and I will see you next time.

 and that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.