134. Find Your Authentic Style

We are starting Sharleen Herz is a Style Coach and Image Consultant. She promises to listen for your greatness, help you find your true self-expression and through that your personal style, so that your inner confidence will shine through. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman is a marriage coach for women in business. Join them as they talk about about clothing and finding your style.

  And we are live!  Welcome everyone to the Connected For Real podcast.  I am Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. I'm a marriage coach for women in business, and I am so excited today because I have with me Sharleen Herz. She is a life and style coach and she's going to introduce herself. She is so cool and I have so much to tell you about her because  man, I love her so much.

Okay. Charlene, introduce yourself.  Whoa. So hey, everyone. I'm Charlene.  My goal is to have you show up as the gift you are to the world. But first, you got to see that thing that you are.  Tell you a little bit about myself. I am a dentist by training. And I realized my favorite thing in the world to do was to do smile design and have people walk out of the office with that bounce in their step.

And I really, really miss talking to people.  So around six years ago, I  pivoted before the word before the word became,  you know, a meme and I studied coaching and I studied styling and I really set myself up and I am flying. I'm doing what I love to do most. Having somebody.  You know,  stand up straighter and walk out and  feel good about themselves is really what I'm all about and making it easy.

You know, that feeling, that feeling you get when you go to a And they rule out or something when you're going to an event, a wedding or this event, and you know, you're dressed to the nines and you catch yourself in the mirror and you do that.  My goal is to have you do that every single day  and to make it easy. 

I love it.  So  that's me in a nutshell. Oh, there's like so much in that nutshell. Okay. So you guys, we started our businesses in a similar timeline. So. It was really fun to have Charlene around   when I was, you know, just dabbling in different things. And Charlene's actually the first person who got me onto a podcast. 

She's like, come on live. Let's just do it. And it was such a fun experience that it's because of her that I'm doing this. So she gets a lot of credit.  I also invited her here specifically for you guys to learn all the things that I learned from her that helped me in my business. So not just in business, but also in, you know, everyday life, like Charlene says, show up to your life.

Right. But I think specifically in business, when you get really. Focused on this part of our lives. We realized that  there's a lot of little tiny tweaks that you can make that make a really big difference. So as I was setting up my computer, I realized that yes, it is Charlene who taught me how to set up my computer so that I look better on camera.

And I want Charlene to tell us about that a little bit, and then we'll get into other things.  Wow. Okay.  Camera looking better on camera. A couple of things. First of all,  this is my favorite one. What you wear down here, if it's too busy, it creates noise on the bottom of the screen. I actually love what Bat-Chen is wearing because you have mostly black and a little bit of your signature color and it just kind of,  Your show, every time that you show up, that's your brand because you are your brand, how you position yourself.

There you go. No, don't use your hands too much.  I just realized I just saw myself doing that. Where you sit in the screen, if you are centered on the screen, you don't want to be too high. You don't want to be too low. You want people to see a little bit of your torso. You wanna be able to see a little bit of the hand movement?

Not too much. 'cause this is just as distracting. What else? What else? I don't know. We are the color that makes you happy.  Oh, now we have to start finding our color. One of the things that you taught me that really made a difference is raise your computer when you're going live and I talked about that and I forgot about it already.

You see I take two boxes and I stack them up and then I have my screen right at eye contact and is so it makes such a big difference. It's so impactful  because you're looking at the person you're speaking to. You don't have the  thing going on, right? Yeah. Back and forth. Oh, I love it. Okay. So let's talk about finding your color.  The best place to go to is go to your closet. I  spend a lot of time in people's closets. You go to your closet, you look at the color you have the most of, as long as it's not black, because we all have  black in our closets. That's the color you tend to buy all the time. You buy it all the time because. 

It speaks to you. Now,  not every shade and every color in your favorite color is going to look good on you. That's something, you know, you, I'd like to say you need a specialist to work with, but no, you hold it up against your face. If it's a color you need to put makeup on to make it work for you, then maybe you need to go a little brighter or a little more neutral of that. 

You know, there's color is a spectrum like anything else. I tend to go for teals in everything because it's my happy place. There's, there's, there's plenty of color psychology behind that. And I'm not going to go into that right now.  We are all drawn to something and you want to wear a color that makes your face look brighter that you don't need to wear makeup with.

Makeup is always an option and I think some of us, some of us won't leave the house without it. But, but chen glows, always.  Oh, so we were talking about the new feature enhanced your your, your, what is it called? Enhance your image, your appearance, enhance your appearance. Zoom has had it for a while.

Yes. It's a slider on the bottom. If you go into the settings and zoom the video settings and zoom my friend Jennifer Nataf  actually showed me that years ago. Yeah. So  I actually think it's against my brand to use that. And anytime I try it, I look at it and I'm like, Hmm, I don't know.

Cause part of my brand is for real. It's like showing up the way you really are. And if I have, you know, wrinkles or a pimple or something, I actually would rather show up with it and just, you know, be like, how can I be confident even with this thing?  And sort of like push myself, then feel like I have to hide it or cover it up.

And then anyway, feel self conscious because, Oh my gosh, maybe they are seeing it, even though it's supposed to be covered up, whatever, like, it's a personal thing that I have. It's part of my brand to be authentic and for real. And just myself.  Well, it's, you know, wearing makeup is wearing makeup, not inauthentic.

Right. I think people who love makeup, if they would just say, Oh, I need to be more authentic. I'm going to stop wearing makeup. No, that's not, that's not you. You really, you really love wearing makeup. Like When I was, you know, 18, 17, 18, we used to go to the mall all the time and get all these makeovers. We love it.

So at that time in my life, I thought it was really fun to wear makeup. And I showed up with makeup to dates and to whatever from a really real place. I wasn't faking anything. I was really enjoying what I was doing. But I think with time, when you Find what's most comfortable for you or what works for you in this season of life, you know, and you're allowed to change your seasons and your seasons change on you and it's just part of the way life goes.

Right. So it's like right now in this season of life. I have a newborn baby. I have, you know, seven other kids at home I am running, you know, a lot of different things The last thing on my mind is putting on makeup and on top of that.  My husband doesn't even like makeup So you know in the beginning it was a real tug of war like no, but I like makeup But I don't like how you look in makeup.

Okay, whatever and with time, I think it just sort of made me feel You safe to test it out without makeup and just be comfortable the way I am.  And it was a process for me. But what I'm saying is if you're the type that enjoys playing with it and putting it on and experimenting with different colors and doing different designs or whatever, go for it.

That's your, that's your thing. That's the real you. That's your thing. Absolutely. I, I do, I put on makeup for me and I don't put a lot. I like to, I, I tend to look like somebody punched me in the eyes, but when I go out without makeup, people don't say, Oh my God, you look so bad. It's really how my perception of me, which is why I do it and I feel better with it.

And at the end of the day, when it's all gone, I still feel like I've, you know I've done it and  what you get is what you get. I love that. I think we just made a really good point. And I want to pause here and like really harp on this. Cause it's really important for the listeners to hear  when you do it for yourself, when you do it for the things that make you happy, it's like, Oh, it's the way I start my day.

It starts with me a day off. Right. Or whatever, all that is really great. What we're talking about here is you're going to be inauthentic when you do it for other people. When you feel like you have to do it, when you feel this like burden, like I'm putting on makeup because I have to. You know, or like this like ickiness that comes out with the statement, I'm putting on makeup.

If you're saying I'm putting on makeup, people see me like this. Exactly, because there's shame or guilt or, you know, like negativity around it, then that's where you can really find the inauthenticity.  It's really important to bring that distinction.  Absolutely.  It's all about how you make you feel  and what makes you feel most yourself. 

 And not letting other people's  negativity  make you do something  or cause you to do something, I think that's where we, that's where a lot of people fall. It's the, Oh, you know, Oh, in first grade, I raised my hand and I got the answer wrong. So now I'm stupid sort of conversation.

I'm like, where did that come from?  I'm doing that because to cover something up because of it's when we do it, because it makes me feel better. That's I do it because I do it. There's no cause behind it more than that.  Yeah.  Yeah. And you just said something really powerful. You said,  what did you say right before here?

You said,  do it for yourself.  But along those lines, you said it beautifully. I have to go back in the notes and see what you said after the show, but yeah, it was such a good quote because.  That's something that's the hardest for us is to do it for ourselves. First of all, just like in my calm method, step one is connect to yourself and know what you want.

And  we don't know what we want. We don't let ourselves know what we want. A lot of us are running away from ourselves and even pausing to know what it is. We want, because we've been told. You know, it's not about what you want. It's what you need. Just make sure you get your knees done, move along, survive, you know, and then on top of that, there's our need to nurture everyone else before ourselves.

So of course my wants come last, last, last. Maybe they're not even on the list. How do we connect back to that?  Wow. I think a, a big thing is taking a pause and realize, first of all, if we have kids and we both do, we are the example our kids learn from. We are what they mind. And if we don't take care of us, of ourselves, that's what our kids are going to learn.  So taking the time, taking the pause,  taking a little bit of time for yourself  is a teaching moment for the people around you.  So it's not really about, it's not all about what's going on here, but it's about what we are demonstrating out there.  And I think that's a really big deal, especially as parents, we were like, well, it's all about the kids and running for the kids and doing this for the kids.

Well, do we want our kids living on that treadmill? Like we are. And when you think about it, that's like, okay, I'm going to take a step back. I'm going to see what fulfills me  and how I can bring that into my life.  And it's not always easy. And sometimes it's like, sometimes it's okay. You know what?  I'm going to sit down and I'm going to read my book. 

Yeah. My kids make so much fun of me that when I read books, I read them forever. Cause until I finally sit down and read, I'll read like a chapter or two, then something happens and I have to get up and do something. And then like, you know, two years later, I'll come back and sit down again to read the same book. 

And you know what, if you love to read, you will instill a love of reading in your children if they see you reading. Right. Just as an example.  If you,  you know, if you get up in the morning and you exercise, your kids will learn that this is what it means to be healthy.  You were telling me before, I love that, that your, your daughter was making salad for herself and her friend. 

Where did she learn to eat healthy from?  Ooh, of course,  right here, people right here. I make salad and love salad. That's what, and you love salad and you instill that in your child. And then she was, she was shared that with you, but that's, that's what we, when we stymie who we are, when we stop being our authentic selves to ourselves. 

We're taking that away from the world around us.  Yeah. And here's the other step is I don't think we even know our authentic self because you know, like people say, I lost myself or I need to get back to myself.  First of all, I hate that saying because you're never going back. You're only going forward. So leave all the things you're supposed to be and should be and need to go back to and just start to feel what feels good right now. 

That  the ability to find your authentic self and to get in touch with that is going to come when you give yourself permission to notice what you like. Bingo. Give yourself permission. We give everybody else permission to encroach on our lives and get what they want and ask and need and, and, and intrude and interrupt. 

Why don't we do that for ourselves? Yeah,  so we spoke about a couple of things and they're all really big things because, you know, give yourself permission to be authentic. You know, first of all, we said, be authentic, do the thing for yourself, do the thing that makes you happy. Like, wait, what does even be authentic mean?

Like, really give yourself. The permission to find what you like. And it's very hard because a lot of people are walking around the world going, I don't even know what I like. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've lost myself. Or I just spoke to someone at the park and she said,  before I got married, I used to love going out and being with friends and I would go to all the events.

And you know, if there was ever a,  Some sort of anything. I was always there with friends. I would call people. Hey, you're coming. You're coming, right? and now she was just saying, you know, we did an event in memory of Adina the hobby and It was really a beautiful event and I noticed she wasn't there and she said I just don't get out of the house anymore  And I don't know why I I really wish I was back to myself but i'm too tired and i'm way down and I just want to stay home and I've become such a home buddy and I was like  And that's the season of life too.

It's okay instead of beating yourself up saying i'm supposed to be more Playful or whatever. It's how about i'm just in the season of life where I feel really good to see Cuddling up with a book and  not having to show up late at night to things.  Absolutely. There's also a world lives in language.  How we describe things  is our reality. 

So when you use words like supposed to, and I lost myself, what does that mean? You are who you are now. Accept yourself. I am perfect the way, you know, I am complete, whole and complete the way I am now with what is going on in my life. Now,  I was that way. I can be that way again, but now, you know, it's bringing it to the now and bringing, you know, coaches taught.

We all talk. We talk about spinning it,  you know, spinning the language. Oh, I'm not nervous. I'm excited.  Look at how you can use the adjectives you use to describe yourself in a positive way. And  I tell people to write it on their mirror and red lipstick. I'm like, just have it in front of your face. Just have it there in front of you.

It's not that conversation that's running on that hamster wheel in your head. That's not who you are. Right.  Yeah. It's giving yourself the freedom to find your present identity without having to be attached to something in the past or something in the future.

I love how you said language has such a,  Big power. That was not English, but yeah,  it's a powerful language. Yeah. World lives in language. It's like, look, God created the world with the word, you know, we create our lives with words.  Tell me more about that. How can somebody who wants to show up, you know, specifically with her clothing, with her style, and she doesn't know where to begin, how can you use your words to really  push you forward, to get you to the next level?

I actually have a little exercise I make people do.  Yes, let's do it. It's like three questions,  and I have them ask these questions to people in their lives.  Okay. It's not just ask yourself, but ask them to people in your life. I start out with a list of adjectives. I give people a sheet so they can actually, they're all positive adjectives, so they can't go,  can't run off on those.

But how do you want to be seen? 

What do people say about you that you wouldn't dare say about yourself? But you know, deep down when they say it, that that's who you are.

And I already forgot the third question. There you go. Well, thank God we're that's why we're live and we're authentic. We just go with the flow.  So it's okay. So it's, how do you see yourself? How do you want to be seen? There you go. How do you see yourself now?  Positive. How do you want to be seen? And what do people say about you?

Then when they say it,  you know, that's right, but you wouldn't say it about yourself because it feels too big. It feels,  you know, braggy.  Yes. I just had to do this exercise for homework for one of my things. And I asked one of my friends, I asked two of my friends to give me some adjectives. And one of them said benevolent.

And I was like, What?  We say that about God, like,  you know, and it was so hard for me to accept that this is what she thinks of me. She's like, you're so kind and you're so helpful and you're always there and da da da. And I was like, but that's a big word.  It's a big word.  But it's truth. And when you see yourself that way, because we're not how we, that conversation we have about ourselves in our head. 

Yeah. The conversation in your head is the, the  farthest from the truth of who you really are. Most of the time, it's this totally warped identity.  It's based on things that happened, on things we won't let go, it's based on that one negative thing somebody said and make all the positive things people say all the time. 

Right. That's just silly. It's also based on what other people are thinking and believing about you.  But we don't know what people are thinking and believing about us.  Of course, but in your head, in your head, you think this is the truth. If there, if everyone around me says X, then it must be that I just don't see it about myself.

And you start seeing that about yourself. Once you start believing everything else that other people are saying,  it's why it's so warped because it's not the actual truth and it's not the real reality.  No. What is reality? We could, that's a, that's a good question. different rabbit hole we could go down.

Exactly. Which was, which is, you know, if your reality is made by all these people's opinions, then just as easily you could make the reality based on your own opinion and just choose your own words and choose your own adjectives. Absolutely. But there's something to be said about having people in your life. 

tell you what they see.  And ask, you know, what I always tell people, and I have them ask the questions, like, ask them what they would suggest for you to improve yourself as well. People love to contribute, and by giving them the opportunity to contribute to you, gives them, you know, it's giving them a gift as well. Yeah, I'll send it to you, actually, written out, because it's,  It seems to make more sense on paper. No, it makes sense also when you say it.  Yeah, but you, you know, I did a course where they had us interview people. It's like interview the people in your life and get these answers.

And I put it on, I actually put it on a spreadsheet.

And  when you see how you're seen. All of a sudden, it's like, oh, I'm that person. I'm not the small people always forget about me. I don't count conversation I have in my head. I'm not that shy kid anymore. I'm not. And then all of a sudden.  Even without changing how you dress, it will change how you, how you change your posture.

I love that you just said, because we're talking about clothing and style, and a lot of people just go, want to go straight into, okay, just tell me what to wear to feel better about myself. And you just said something so powerful. If you just change your posture in the same exact clothes, you are already completely wearing different things.

It's, it's a completely different energy around you.

And I love to create uniforms for people, not a uniform uniform, but. This is your go to. I don't want you to have to get up in the morning and have to think of what to wear, you know, skirts, you know, everybody has the same things, you know, we all have, we have skirts or pants or dresses or, you know,  you want it simple and easy and intuitive.

These are the colors. This is your color palette. This is what works. Your whole closet is there with a couple of black things thrown in. And then this goes with this just  easy.

Yeah, no, I have a uniform. I love my uniform. It works for my, for my season of life. I love these dresses and their V neck and I love wearing an undershirt underneath that I can just, you know, the ones that go all the way to your belly, like belly shirts, they're.  They're very in in Israel right now.

Or whatever. I don't know if they're still in, but I'm still wearing them. It's so comfortable for nursing. It's comfortable for pregnancy. It's comfortable for me all day long. And  I just wake up in the morning, get dressed right away and start my day. And I don't think about it. And the fact that it's a dress means I don't have to pair anything with anything.

I'm just putting on the dress and then  matching a head scarf to it. So there's a lot less decisions to make, which makes my life really simple.  Yeah. Well, that's the whole decision fatigue. If you have to make six decisions before, before you get out of your bedroom in the morning, you know, that  it's exhausting.

It is exhausting. Now I just have to find where to shop for better dresses cause I'm getting a little tired of the ones I have, but they're just so perfect. I don't want to get rid of them. But I, you know, you always want something new and I've been trying so hard to find something I like and I haven't been finding it.

  Anyway. Cool. Let's hear what else, how else can we improve our style, our clothing way? We feel in our own bodies.  You know, excuse me just one second. I'm going to refill my water. 

And I will take this opportunity to tell you how important it is to drink water. Take a minute to excuse yourself and get a drink is one of the best things you can do for yourself and self love. So go do it. Take a minute to drink also.  Thank you. Yes. . There you go.  We wear around 20 percent of our wardrobe. Clean it out.  Make it easy. Anything you haven't worn in two years, unless you've been pregnant or nursing, when your wardrobe changes,  get rid of that stuff you're holding onto.

It's just extra baggage and extra clutter. And it's like  here,  this green obviously is my color, but I have four things in this color.  It's just, and I keep on going to it and I'll wear a different tank top underneath. I'll wear something else to add color, you know, to change it up.  I have it in my hair for when I wear black.

But it's, it's more of my happy place.  And I know  it's like if you look at, when you look at your closet, see what pops  and any of those off colors, just get rid of them.  I would say in your closet, you probably have a lot of burgundy. You have burgundy, you have black, you, you have we had this conversation years ago when we were talking about it.

But those are the colors that, purples, these are the colors that make you happy. Why wear anything else?  I also like blues and I found that it goes with, the mood. I have a lot of burgundy, for sure. It's my favorite color to wear.  And I found that, that, I have some blues that I really love that make me so happy. 

Blue is, blue is, oh yeah, blue sky, blue sea. Blue is,  there's a stability to blue.  Yeah, but not all blues. It has to be the right type of blue. You know, of course,  yeah,  I guess it would be more like teal blue. It would be like more greenish than blue in the blue family. It would still be considered blue, but it would have a green tint. 

You know what else I'm just remembering when we were talking about uniforms?  I also made a rule about what I wear on Shabbos Shabbat and what I wear during the week. So  my go to is, you know, all my stuff has an  undershirt. So all the black undershirts are for during the week and all the white undershirts are for Shabbat or, you know, the beginning of the month for Scottish any holidays, whatever.

So white is for me. I know this is very interesting because in America back is the fancier here and is the fancier. It represents. All of the things that, you know, the holy days represent. So everybody's like,  yeah, it's, it's really beautiful. So making that distinction for me was so helpful because then all I have to think is like, what's today.

Yeah. Okay. That's what we're wearing. So I already have the color, the base color. And now I just have to pick the thing that goes on top is really, really helpful. So, yeah, I wanted to just say that because I realized that's another thing that once you make a rule in your life, then you don't have to ever worry about it anymore. 

See I do that with fabrics.  I will do that. It's like I wear silk. I'll wear silk on Shabbat. Well, I might not wear silk during the week unless it's,  you know, I have one or two casual pieces, but my, my, my dresses for most of my dresses for Shabbat are silk.  I wouldn't think of wearing it during the week and  it's the same color, but it's,  it's special in a, in a different way. 

I like that. Let's talk about fabrics because something I'm noticing now is that the fabrics have become plastic. And it's really hard to shop, even in the nice, fancy stores, you're still finding the worst fabrics.  There's actually, you have to look at, there are some fabrics that look, that seem synthetic, that are less so. 

Rayon, for example, is wood pulp based.  Rayon is mostly a natural fiber. No, well, polyester obviously is not, but there's actually, there's a lot of linen in the stores right now.  Really? Linens and cottons. It's, there's a harder to find, Israel is a tough place to shop.  Yes. But you can find, there are stores that specifically need to read labels, unfortunately. 

You need to read labels. There's well,  there's another fiber that is not synthetic that you would think that it is. Ah,  and I will get back to you on that.

But anything that ends with O N is synthetic and,  you know, except,  oh, like,  except rayon. There you go. I just did it again. I need to make a list. I will make a list and I'll get back to you. But there are fibers out there that are, that are more breathable and are less synthetic than you would think. 

That's really cool. It feels shop. I feel if you don't like the way it feels  in the store, you're not going to like the way it feels on your body. Don't even bother trying it on.  Right. Well, I think the biggest problem now is that we have online shopping. And so you're sort of going blind on, ah, do I, you know, do I  take a risk and just.

Take it because it looks nice.  Read the label, read. They always have fabric content. You need to look for the fabric content.  It means a little more exploring, when you're shopping online. But there always is, if you go for, for more details, they always tell you the fabric content.

It's like the difference between leather shoes and pretend leather shoes.  Hmm. You just gotta,   when we were talking about food on the podcast, we were talking about reading labels and now we're at clothing and we're talking about reading labels.  Oh boy.  Oh, it's a lot of reading.

You get enough.  That's the only way if you're shopping online to know what you're getting.  Right. I read labels in stores. I'll like turn things around and see what, because it feels nice, but well, this is going to shrink if it's made out of these fibers. Do I want to, do I want to invest?  And I made that mistake.

I was just in the States and I bought this dress, not this dress, but I bought a dress  and I put it through the machine and now it's this much shorter  and that's probably this much I could handle and I don't, and it's, it was just, it was like just right. I didn't read the label. That was my mistake.  So even, even professionals make mistakes.

thank God you didn't make mistakes. You wouldn't have examples to use in order to teach us.  There you go. But I will, I will provide you with a list of fibers that you would think are synthetic and aren't.  Cool.  Yeah. We'll put that in the show notes.  For you guys, that'd be really fun.  Okay. Anything else you want to  bring into the conversation about clothing, style, feeling good about yourself, posture,  My favorite  pro tip for when you're dressing, especially for business, but it also makes completes an outfit is the third piece. 

What's the third piece. Now you're in a dress, so you don't have to worry about the third piece for you is a mid pocket.  But if you are  going out of the house and you're wearing.  A bottom  pants, skirt, whatever, and a top add a third piece. It could be a belt. It could be a necklace. It could be a jacket. It finishes off a look.

It just makes it complete and it makes you show up as more complete and like, you don't even realize something's missing until you add it. And then it's like, oh, yes.  Hmm. I like that. So you're saying my headscarf is really my third piece for you. Cause well, if you would feel incomplete, if you didn't have your head covered anyway, but if you were going out  for a business meeting, if you put a jacket on over that, of course not in the summer in Israel, but  actually, if you're going to a meeting, you're probably going to sit in air conditioning and you're going to need it, a jacket over that. It just it closes things off. It makes it complete.  I like that. Cool. So the third piece of advice,  I actually, you know, the, the fact that I have a necklace on really pulls it together for me. And I usually have my necklace on always, but when my necklace broke, my friends actually noticed.

They're like, there's something missing. There's something missing because there's, you know, especially in a V neck, there's, there's this like, you know, real presence to the necklace.  Right, and also, because you're wearing a round neck with a V,  you always want to bring the line in. It's more flattering.

And you already have the V in the dress, but by putting this crew neck in, if you don't have the V, the necklace springs, it comes off as something missing.  It's very cool. Okay, cool. So you guys, go find a third piece and get back to us. Tell us what you picked.  Tag us.  Yeah. Belts are good. Belts are a good third piece. 

Only if you're a belt person. I feel like anytime I try wearing a belt, it backfires cause I'm uncomfortable. Well then it's not the right belt for starters.  And you're not a belt person. And you're wearing dresses. They're flowy. You're a,  You're you're a not, you know, don't constrict me. Don't tie me down and a mother of eight.

Hello, you know Yeah, no, I think that's really important when you're you know We're talking about finding your style and giving yourself permission to be yourself If I were to listen to every piece of advice that was like wear a belt and put on a stiff jacket And you know look a certain way or do a certain thing i'd be  miserable, right?

I I stopped wearing skirts cause I just don't like anything around my waist. I want to feel free. And like you said, it really is an individual thing. If you love belts and you love jackets, please go wear them every day because they make you happy.  But I would, I wouldn't put you in a stiff jacket. I would put you in an Elionate, which is some of the, you know, something loose and flowy that just,  you know, there jackets come in many  forms and functions, forms and sizes. But I think it's important to,  if you're going to buy just one jacket  to buy an investment piece, there's things that are worth spending the money on.  Right.

Let's talk about that for a minute and then we'll wrap up. Cause I think a lot of us feel bad investing in things because we have so many things in our closet that we bought that are just sitting there. And then you're like,  ah,  I made so many mistakes. In regards to clothes, in regards to spending money on clothes, I thought I knew what I was doing and then I didn't like it or I got home and it didn't feel right.

And da, da, da, da.  And so you don't let yourself get something new because you don't give yourself permission. Yeah. I'm going to, and this is totally, totally you know, so a self plug,  hire somebody to go through your closet with you. Yeah. Go through your closet. Look what you have. Look what you don't be prepared to throw out. A ton of stuff  and you'll be left with a list of things that you need to complete things 

and that's what you need and you can  go shopping with someone don't go shopping with someone but make sure you have a really clear idea go shopping with a list like you go grocery shopping with a list  go clothing shopping with a list I'm not saying don't follow trends but If a trend doesn't work on you, it doesn't work  on you. 

Right. And trends change so quickly. You can, you know, it's like leopard was, was in for a while. Okay, buy a leopard scarf. There, you're on trend.  Buy a leopard undershirt. You're on trend. You don't need to, you can be on trend without being, without, that's not the stuff you invest in. You invest in on the stuff that will stand by your side.

 A beautiful piece of jewelry that you wear every single day. For people who do wear structured jackets, invest in a good structured jacket. Wool, cotton, linen.  That's your investment piece, because you will wear it with everything else in your wardrobe.  It's  not worth buying something that's just for one season, unless, you know, you're not spending the money on it. 

That's where, you know, that's where the  the chicou comes in. The cost analysis comes in i'm big into cost per wear when I buy things.  Yeah, I think in the winter I have my go to jacket with by the way The zipper broke. So now I know I have to buy one for next winter and i'm gonna miss it I'm, very sad.

It was burgundy If you guys watch any of my youtube videos, you'll probably see it in almost every single one anytime I record in the winter Because it's so comfy and I wear it everywhere and it was really You  Well spent, you know, I, I wore it to the end. And I think those are types of things like you're, you're really right.

You, you wear it a lot. Oh, and go to secondhand stores. Oh,  good advice.  Go to secondhand stores in rich neighborhoods. You'll be spending money on stuff. That's much better quality.  Interesting. I love it. And you're saving, and you're saving the planet.  Yes. You're saving the planet.  My kids don't like the shopping experience in the secondhand stores, even though the local one is really nicely done,  it makes them, you know, gives them,  it's creepy to them because they're teenagers.

And they don't want to be seen. They don't want to be seen around, you know. Around there. I have to thank God that they're willing to be seen with me around.  That's good enough for a teenager Can't ask for more. So I end up going Every so often like once a season If I have the energy to it and I bring things for them to try on And then I take it back.

So there was a time when my daughter's like I have no skirts There's nothing to wear blah blah blah So I just went there and like, look through all the skirts, took home, like 20 skirts, and then out of that, maybe she got five, it was worth it. You know, and I give back the rest, even if I paid for them,  I still paid less for the five skirts than I would have if I had to go shopping.  Yeah.  No, there's,  so you go, you go to a different neighborhood, you go a little bit out, so you're not wearing stuff, especially if you live in a, in a community like yours or like mine, I go one or two each of them over, I go to their secondhand store and I see what they've got. 

Right.  Yeah. True.  It's fun in Jerusalem. There are a couple of really good ones in Jerusalem, by the way.   Yeah.  I used to think it was a poor person thing, you know, like getting bags from friends who are giving away their clothes and going through it. It was like, you only did that if you were poor.

But then I realized I saw a really rich friend  doing that. Like giving away clothes, getting clothes, going through clothes  and buying in the second hand shop. And I was like, why is she doing that? They're like multi millionaires, like what's going on. And I realized. It's because the value of not wasting clothes and not, just landfilling the entire earth with more and more and more junk  and the stuff that's in the secondhand stores is older.

It's more vintage. It's more quality.  It's more interesting. Very, very often. It's more interesting. A lot of times it's people bought something they thought was going to be really good on them and they took it home and it was like not their color, not the texture, not the something that works for them.

So it's almost brand new. They brought it to the second hand store and then it happens with tags in second hand store.  Yeah. And then it happens in the perfect color or the perfect, you know, whatever for you because you're a different person and it just,  Worked out that way,  I think, I think bringing God into this conversation is gonna be really fun right now because before I go shopping anywhere, it doesn't matter if it's secondhand store or the regular stores.

If I pray before I go, like, please help me see the things I need to see and help me find the things I need to find and like guide me to the right places.  It makes the experience a lot more manageable, especially for a person like me who doesn't love shopping like most people.  I'll say it nicely. I really don't like it. 

No, a lot of people don't. That's why I'm here. I love to shop. And I can make a shopping experience fun, or I can shop for you. But It's more than that. It's,  I love the idea of bringing God into it, bringing direction, bringing focus into it. It doesn't have to be about,  you know,  you know, it's shopping with purpose.

There you go.  Shopping with purpose. I like that.  I like that. And with guidance, knowing that you're not alone in this experience.  not only, you know, hiring a  style coach or, you know, a stylist or whatever. Yeah. Knowing that even if you are going on your own, you're never alone. You have God with you and he's guiding you and opening your eyes to see different things.

And something is like, Oh, under this thing, there was this other thing. And I, you know, happened to find it, quote unquote, like nothing happens. It's, it's done for you. It all happens for a reason. Yeah.  So this was really fun. I love this conversation. Okay, Charlene, tell everybody how they can find you and how they can hire you.

You should know, by the way, you're on my bucket list. I am one day going to actually work with you because  first of all, we have to meet in real. Oh, wait, you were at my retreat. We did. I was at your retreat. We did meet live.  We met live after 4 years, 5 years.  Anyway, so I'd like to see you in person again, but also I'd like to have you as my stylet coach because you're so cool.

And we've known each other for so long and we've had these conversations so many times. It's just really fun to work with someone who's so aligned and understands where you're coming from. So I'm looking forward to it. But anyway, my question to you is how can people work with you and find you?  Okay.

the easiest way to find me on my website, which is a charlenecoaches.  com, which is, there's the name,  sadcoaches. com and you can find me there or we'll put, we'll put it in the program notes.  I'll give you my my email. I will not give you my phone number because you know that requires me answering it  And we all know how difficult it is to catch charlene, by the way I've been running after her to record this podcast for like a really long time maybe six months  maybe I was in the states and I had It's been crazy.

It's been i'm i'm in that third stage of life where I have kids and I have an aging mother And I have a daughter  And a husband in the States and, oh, by the way, good news, my, my son just got engaged. Yay!  Of course, they're in the States, so,  you know, my first grandchildren will be in the States,  which means I will be traveling more.

 You never know. You never know. But this is, this is really fun news. It's good. Good news. Yeah. It's really exciting. I love good news.  He's the, he's the kid. We always said we'd know he was dating someone when we got an invitation to the wedding.  I showed up, I met his girlfriend. He got engaged. 

That's very nice. He waited for you getting married in February.  Okay.  Well, I guess you really know your kids. This is so fun. I'm so happy for you. Okay, you guys should all check out Charlene. She is awesome. She's one of the coolest people. She she gets a lot of credit for where I am today, just because, you know, she says I look bling.

It's because I am. I am glowing. It's because I am so confident and so happy and so set upright, you know, like knowing that I just need to bring my computer up and that makes me look better.  It really gave me a leg up in the industry. Like I, I really felt it. I really felt it. So thank you.  You're welcome.

 We're gonna do this in person again one of these days. That's gonna be fun. I think what we should do, by the way, you guys are like watching our behind the scenes now, what we should do is we we should collaborate. You run a whole like styling thing on me.

We'll make a video out of it and then people will know how cool you are and I will get to be styled. That's gonna be so fun. Let's do that.   When you're ready to have somebody filming in your closet, let me know. Oh, yeah, I, I, yeah  I actually think this could be really fun. Well, you know what?

Let's take a vote on it. I'd like you listeners to get onto your email and type Advice at connected for real. com. And let me know what you think you actually want to go into my closet and see this process  in real life happening. I'm really interested to hear how many of, of the listeners  I think this is a good idea because I may, I may be willing to do it if there's enough interest. 

Okay. So let's wrap it up.  Thank you. So much for being here. Don't forget to be connected for real and to come back next time for more amazing podcast episodes, all about your life when it comes to your business, your marriage and your relationship with God, thank you so much for being here, Charlene. 

Thank you so much for having me on, but  this was a lot of fun.