147. Change the Way You View Menopause

Jacqueline Rose is a Menopause Educator and Coach, Women's Hormonal Health Practitioner, Yoga for Women’s Health Teacher and Therapeutic Yoga Teacher, and trained in Functional Blood Work Analysis and Functional Nutrition. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman is a marriage coach for women in business. Join them as they talk about uncovering the truth behind menopause and how to renew yourself within your marriage, business and other relationships.

 Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

 And we are live.  Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I'm Robertson, but Ken Grossman, I'm a marriage coach for women in business. And today with me is Jacqueline Rose. Oh, my gosh, this is so exciting. As you guys know, we are talking about the four pillars.

When I created my program, I solidified the four pillars that have to be in place for you to really be in balance and have flow. And those four pillars are God is at the core. Your marriage and your business have to be working together and you as the container holding all these things have to be able to expand and contain and really be your best.

So today we're actually focusing on renewal and marriage and Jacqueline, take it away. Tell us why this is so important, who you are and And then  we'll go on from there.  Great. Well, thank you for having me. I'm super excited for this conversation. And obviously been following you for ages. And we've also worked together a little bit, so I'm looking forward to this conversation.

I am a menopause educator and coach. I come from the world of yoga. I started as a yoga for pregnancy and birth teacher, moved into yoga for women's health, Yoga Nashit. Then I have also done therapeutic yoga training and from there I really moved into the women's health space and specifically into the menopause space.

And I'm very passionate about changing the way that women understand and experience their menopause journey, but in the wider context of our women's health and really changing the narrative and changing the paradigms. Around how we understand women's health, getting proactive in our health understanding women's health issues specifically.

I'm also trained in a hormonal health and menopause studies functional nutrition and functional blood work analysis. And I basically bring all of that together to, together with all my yoga training to really support women in creating healing their hormones, fixing their symptoms, and feeling amazing in their body.

So, that's me in a nutshell. I am also a married mother of five kids. As you can hear, I'm originally from England, but I now live in Modiin, in Israel.  Yes, and when I had my in person retreat, Jacqueline was our yoga instructor, and it was really, really fun.  Oh my gosh, that was such a good in person retreat. 

It was, I remember those days. Yes, we should do another one, definitely.  Okay, so let's get into menopause renewal, how it affects marriage, all of that, because it is such a hot topic.  Okay, so let's talk about the renewal piece, because I think that's something that people don't, women especially, don't really connect with menopause.

They think menopause is a time of suffering, struggle. pain, frustration, symptoms, everything bad, the myths and the negative narrative around menopause that is changing, but it's still so deeply entrenched, especially with women and especially in our Western societies. When we think of, you know, what a 60 year old woman looks like or what a post menopausal woman looks like, it's changing, but there is still a lot of this aging old.

sort of imagery and really your word of renewal is a fantastic word to really change that paradigm of what menopause is. So let's start off just with the biological definition. What is menopause? Menopause is 12 period-free months. It is the biological, hormonal fluctuations that happen  as we then sort of in the early perimenopausal years leading up to menopause.

The average age of menopause is 51, but it changes and is varied between geographical regions and ethnic minorities and ethnicities. And.  Once you've traveled this journey of perimenopause from 40 plus Until you hit menopause those 12 period free months this crazy hormonal fluctuating time We then enter post menopause and you know in today's modern Living you can be in post menopause for the next 30 40 years.

That's a conversation We're going to come back to a little bit later. And I want us to view this perimenopause menopause stage of life as part of a woman's long life cycle We have a Puberty years we have our fertility years whether you've Biologically had children or not, they're still your fertility years.

Then we have perimenopause, menopause, and post menopause and this journey of perimenopause, menopause and post menopause really is a specific, clearly defined life stage of a woman's life cycle. We talk about it often as being the bookend to puberty. Puberty, those crazy years, anyone who has teenage girls or nieces or granddaughters know that those teenage years can be a little bit crazy, while teenage girls hormones are sort of kicking into gear, getting ready for her fertility years.

And then comes perimenopause, this real bookend of puberty, where our hormones are fluctuating again,  doing this crazy rollercoaster ride until they get into menopause, and the new levels of postmenopause.  And when we view this sort of life cycle of our hormones and our You know, physical, emotional, spiritual life cycle.

We begin to really understand that not only is it the bookend to puberty, but perimenopause and menopause is actually the beginning, the preparation for postmenopause.   The definition that I like to use for menopause is it is the journey, the process of becoming your true authentic self. And so this struggle suffering symptoms that we associate with this perimenopause menopause stage is really actually the rebirthing of our cells for the post menopause years.

It is really that renewal. And as we sort of mentioned beforehand you and I, before we hopped onto the call that we used to term this stage of life.  For many, it was called like the midlife crisis, the crazy woman, the woman who doesn't know what she wants. And she's, you know, throwing off the shackles of her professional career, or she's throwing off the shackles of her married life.

And all of a sudden she's a different person. And she's trying to figure out who she is. And we used to call it that woman who's going through a midlife crisis. It really isn't a midlife crisis. It is a  re emergence, a renewal, a rebirth of who you are, who you were, to who you're going to be in post menopause. 

Right. I sort of think of it as  a pause, you know, the word is right there, menopause, right? A pause from the run, run, run, do, do, do, you know, achieve, achieve, achieve. Like you get into a rhythm, especially in your marriage with kids, with life, you get into this rhythm where you're just. Fight, fight, flight, flight, you know, run, run, do, do, get this over there, put this over here, and the energy and the Rhythm of life takes a breath and And allows you to just be for a second, you know, and especially for women who are not used to that, this is a really scary time where suddenly I find myself with a lot of free time.

I find myself not having to run carpool, not having to make suppers, not having to, you know, go to parent teacher conferences, whatever it is that suddenly goes away. And the pause is very scary. So, you know, for me, for example, because I'm such a people person and I love action and, you know, I'm always looking for what's out there,  it was very hard for me to be silent.

You know, as a teenager, I remember our teacher said, Instead of sitting down with the cereal and looking at the cereal box.  Just put it away and be with yourself. And I thought that's impossible. Like the cereal box is one of the things that is read the most because we want to run away from our silence.

Right. So being able to be in that pause, being able to be in that silence is so crucial for us to really be able to re emerge and re  awaken, whatever it is that we really want. Yeah. Yeah, so you're bringing up some really interesting points and I will approach it from two areas. So, the first one is 100%.

The women who have juggled and who have been on the go in their 20s and their 30s and are doing, and as many of your listeners are, working women, often, you know, mothers also combining and combining. That working mother work life balance, whatever that means doing all the things. And yes, and as we move into perimenopause 40 plus 45 plus, our family life is naturally aging together with us.

We still may have young kids around, but the demands and the needs are slightly different. And we find ourselves in a situation that, as you very correctly said, for some women can be very, very confusing and can be very difficult for them to adapt to. Because they have defined themselves often in very certain ways.

A mother, a caregiver, involved in their community, involved in their school, involved in their. You know, church, temple, synagogue, involved in a lot of different things and all of a sudden their lives are changing and unexpectedly their own desires and needs are changing. And that is part of the hormonal change.

There is a very biological reason for it, that FSH hormone that is becoming more dominant. So there is a very biological reason for it, but women are very unprepared for it. They find it very unexpected and all of a sudden they don't want to show up in the way they used to show up. They don't want to be the person they used to be.

And it can sometimes be A real conflict, an internal conflict, and sometimes also a very real conflict with their loved ones, with their partners, with their children, of they don't want to do the things they used to, they don't want to cook dinner every night, they don't want to entertain on the weekends, they don't want to do the things that they've done for years, and there can sometimes be a lot of tension around that. 

On the flip side, there are Women going through exactly that same process who are waiting to just have  their time for themselves, who are waiting to just embrace this stage of life. They don't know why they don't understand what's going on, but they are so ready for it. And the internal conflict is maybe less.

But the external conflict of those people around them, and how, again, they've presented themselves, how they've always defined themselves for years, can sometimes come into conflict. For example, in a marriage or with your kids, you know, your kids are waiting for supper and there is no supper because your kids don't need to be made supper because maybe they're big or maybe you don't fancy doing it.

I have a client who said to me, my husband's fine with the fact that I'm not making dinner anymore. It's my 16 and 18 year old who are like, For all these years you made dinner. What's going on now? Like a 16 and 18 year old can make their own dinner, but it's the expectations. It's the way that you have shown up in the past and , how you're showing up now.

So this journey. This process, this renewal, this  redefining who and what you are is implicit to perimenopause and menopause, but it's something that we really don't talk about.  Yes. And I think that it is so important and so powerful.  Like you said, there's so much negativity around it and a lot of the negativity comes from that inner conflict.

Right. I remember in one of my pregnancies early on, I went to a class and she said, nausea in the first three months in the first trimester is an inner conflict.  Your brain is telling you, oh, yay, we're pregnant. And your heart is like, are we ready? Do we know what we're doing? Oh my gosh, how is this gonna change my life?

And what's gonna be, and whatever. Right? So  you're having this inner dialogue of good and bad, and what is this mean? And my identity is shifting and all these different things, right? We're talking about bookends, but it's really interesting how similar they are and how parallel they are. If you can just relax that all that noise and I found this to be super helpful in the first trimester Is like it's okay My body knows what to do.

I am perfectly prepared. God knows exactly what he's doing He's orchestrating the world if he made me pregnant. He obviously knows what's going on, right? And so you release the need to be in conflict and you allow the newness to just sort of take over and  especially in birth, you know, if you're resisting it, it's going to come harder, right?

It's just, you're tighter, you're more.  So let's allow it to go through us and just sort of, you know, go with the flow. There is a really beautiful flow that's happening here. Also on this side of the Like you said, the book end.  I think the other challenge is the way that menopause and aging of women specifically is perceived in our society.

So menopause represents this aging, like you're now. menopausal, perimenopausal, postmenopausal, that functionality that you had of being a, an ability to, you know, bring life to the world has now ended.  And there is a lot of not only emotional, but societal expectations, the way that aging is perceived in the world.

In our society and i'm specifically talking about western society because it is different in in other societies  and the way that we view women and the role that women play as older women and You know in the tribal communities the older wiser woman Is really head of you know, many of the tribal communities but in western society the older wiser woman doesn't really have the same role or the same reverence we are seeing today more and more examples of women leaders in all areas of our lives in sports and entertainment, in arts and culture, in politics, in business, top women leaders, and they are definitely the new examples of what we can aspire to, but there still is a lot of baggage and a lot of negative language and negative stereotypes that come with what it means to be older menopausal postmenopausal woman.

And so there is a lot of this resistance and a lot of this conflict that women go through and have to deal with.  Yes. So let's think about business and how this affects, because, you know, as you said, a lot of my women are in business, they are either starting a business or already have a business. And  If,  if they're going through this renewal, it's affecting their business and this effect is also affecting their marriage.

So we're going back to marriage, but from a different angle,  what do you have to say about that?  So let's start with how menopause shows up or how more accurately perimenopause  and menopause shows up. And I use three types of categories and I've added a fourth.  Physical changes. physical symptoms of which we're very familiar with some of the most standard basic ones like hot flushes, weight gain, brain fog, but there is a long, long list of different ways that menopause can show up in physical changes.

There are emotional changes such as mood swings, anxiety, depression low energy, not really being able to sort of engage or connect, which can definitely have an impact on intimate relationships and personal relationships. A lot of the emotional transitions and cognitive and cognitive changes are very much related to working business women, because the brain fog, the inability to focus, the lack of concentration forgetfulness, short term memory loss, forgetting names of your colleagues, or you know, I was doing a menopause conference for dentists.

And I'm like, what happens if you forget the name of the instrument that you need during a dental procedure and you've got to tell your assistant, pass me the Oh my God, I just forgot the name of that thing. Like what happens?  But that can happen in any profession where you forgot the name of a something or you forgot the name of your colleague or you're sitting in a meeting and you can't follow, you can't keep track of what's going on.

So, cognitive changes all the brain function things that make us think that we're going through early onset dementia all of those types of things. So that's physical, Emotional and cognitive, but then there is a fourth one, and that really is the spiritual identity changes that are happening.

And this really is where the Relationships and the personal relationships are really coming into play of  who am I, who do I want to be when I grow up? You know, what am I doing now?  Do I need a career change? Like all those questions about the, who am I, the self identity, if you're an empty nester, if you've got aging parents, what we all call, you know, the sandwich generation, looking after kids, looking after parents, maybe you've got grandkids on the way, this whole thing, and then that very Deep internal call off.

I just want to do what I want to do for me. What is right for me? Without all this noise. So there's a lot of things going on. And really, unfortunately, we really focus only on the very obvious physical symptoms. That's the thing that is mostly talked about. Sometimes we talk about, you know, the anxiety, the mood swings, the lack of patience.

But really, If you look at many of the menopause stuff out there, it's looking at the physical symptoms, but the physical symptoms is only one piece of the puzzle. So when it comes to marriage and intimate relationships and your,  closest relationships,  they definitely can come under a lot of stress, especially if you are going through other things like Vaginal dryness, low libido, which also may put extra strain on relationships,  and you're changing body, if you're gaining weight and you don't feel so comfortable in your body anymore, that is also going to change how you potentially show  in your relationships.

So there's a lot of things going on here. And really as a business person,  If you are working in an office and you're having a hot flush or you are experiencing joint pain or you are exhausted and you've got low energy, low motivation, how do you continue to show up in a professional capacity at the level that you demand of yourself, at the level that your colleagues demand of you, and that after years of working in a professional environment, you are now at hopefully A level of leadership of responsibility of, you know, being taken seriously.

And then your menopause symptoms hit and it's like, you can't function. And there is a very big role that menopause in the workplace is now playing in the menopause conversation about creating supportive work environments,  📍 about understanding how menopausal women are showing up and not to disregard them.

Because if you've spent 20 years building a career to be. Disregarded at the age of 50, 53, 54, because you're experiencing brain fog.   That's just a real travesty. And also if you're, if you're an entrepreneur and it's all on you,  that's even harder.  Right. And I would say, it's harder to be an entrepreneur, but it's also easier because you, And lean into all the support and put into place a lot of the systems and you can really find what works for you in this new stage of life and put it into place, right?

Just like I think that you know, the beginning stages of having kids, you're still figuring it out and figuring out what works for you, what systems, what things eventually you have more and more kids. You know, for, for some of us who are, you know, with the more than three you, or even when they start getting older and you start getting smarter, you're like, Oh, okay.

So every night we run the dishwasher. So every morning I put in a washing machine, you know, so you have, you start having systems that are going to support the rhythm of your life in a way that.  Works really well, right? And of course you can get support. You could say, okay, I'm at a stage in my life where I need cleaning help, where I need, you know, an assistant, where I need whatever, all those things are really, really important for you to lean into. 

Let's get practical. What can a person do? What can a woman do? When she is experiencing all these things, right? Physical, emotional, cognitive, spiritual, which I agree with you. Spiritual is probably the best one to address first, because I feel like you can solve so many problems in all the other areas, if you can focus on that.

What can people do? 

  Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly? Feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one on one private coaching is for and I want to invite you, just you and me, For a free deep dive discovery call.

This is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions And we extract the three main things that are holding you back I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations With practical steps  the call is free and so valuable in itself. So go book yours today Now back to the show 

  So I think the first thing really is to recognize and understand what's going on. Because for so many women, the confusion comes by not really understanding what's happening. You sort of maybe expect menopause maybe in your early fifties.  As I said, perimenopause can be showing up from 40 plus. 

So you may be going through certain things, 45, 46, 47. Without really and maybe even going to your doctor for some guidance, but not really getting any answers Without really realizing or understanding that what is actually happening is perimenopause so I think the most important thing is to stop and say, hmm Okay, i'm noticing that things are starting to change.

I'm noticing that I feel different in my body Physically, I feel different. Emotionally, I feel different. Cognitively, I'm worried I've got early onset dementia. Spiritually, identity wise, you know, I'm beginning to not want to do the things I used to do. I'm beginning to not want to show up in the way I used to show up.

And rather than freaking out, saying like, Oh my gosh, what's going on with me? To stop a second, take a breath and think, Okay, you know what? How old am I? What's actually happening here? Okay. Could this be my perimenopause journey? And the minute you start to put language to what's going on, it begins to help you to really understand how to engage with it and how to embrace it.

So I think the first thing is recognizing it, giving it language, and then talking about it. Firstly, you know, either coming to someone like myself or anyone else who really understands how menopause shows up and to really talk it through, but then to be able to talk about it with. Your spouse, your children, your colleagues, so that there is an, and it is happening more and more, especially in the United Kingdom.

These conversations are happening more and more in Israel. We have a lot of catching up to do here. But.  to have these conversations to say to your partner, you know, let's say it's your husband to say, you know, I actually think I'm going through perimenopause. Like, I know you think I'm crazy. I think I'm crazy.

I'm going through all these changes, but actually this is my perimenopause beginning to show up, or this is my menopause beginning to show up.  Let's figure this out together. Let me explain to you what I'm feeling like, and then You know, let's read. Let's, you know, I have women who come to me because their husbands have sent them to me who are saying, get the support, get the help you need.

Let's figure this out together.   📍 And  some of my best clients are the ones who get sent to me by their husbands because it shows that they have a husband or a partner who is really supportive and really wants them to get the help they need rather than just like brushing them off and saying, Oh, my God, you're so great. 

And for them to say, like I'm not crazy. This is a normal, natural stage of life. I just need to figure out what's going on and I need to get the answers to help me. So I think that's the first thing to have the awareness.  Have the language  and be able to talk about it.  And then we can start thinking about, okay, so what are your real experiences?

What is your lived experience here?  Is it the physical symptoms that we need to be dealing with? Is it the emotional? Is it the cognitive impairment? Is it the spiritual? Is it a bit of a mixture of all of them? What's really going on here? Is it just that I just don't feel like myself anymore? Something has changed and I can't put my finger on it.

 And then when I work with my clients, but really anyone who's looking for support and help, it's really about what is going to work for you in each of those areas. What is most important for you? We always want some type of supplement support practical things like if you've got insomnia, if you're not sleeping, you can add magnesium glycinate to your supplement regime.

  Vitamin D is always an excellent thing to add to our supplementation,  looking at our lifestyle, looking at what we're eating, when we're eating, how we're eating, looking at self care and self care isn't just to go and get a pedicure every couple of weeks. You know, self care is really about what do you need to nourish yourself so that you are able to show up in the way that serves you and Serves those around you.

So there are lots of things that can be done It's got to make sense to you though, depending on where you are and what's going on in your body and I think one of the things that's so mind blowing is that this is good advice for anyone at any stage Because I see, you know, we're talking about menopause specifically now and renewal and what is happening You know in that journey You But very much  the same experience happens when you're feeling,  like you're being called to do something, even if you're not in the middle of menopause, right?

For me, I was a graphic designer for 15 years and suddenly I'm pregnant with my number six and I'm feeling called to do something new. And I'm like, what's going on, God. Right. And so the awareness of.  Something is shifting, there is something pivoting. I need to be a little bit more flexible, a little bit more attentive, a little bit more, focused on  what's happening, you know?

And when I can  go with the flow and really follow the guidance, it's easier to start to see what's going on. So don't resist it. Listen, put words to it, get in touch with yourself, take care of yourself, be really present. You know, all those things are just universal. Even if you're 20 listen to this and do it, you know, and I actually want to bring up the I have a guide to unravel overwhelm that people can download by the way, connected for real.

com slash guide. It's completely free. Go and do it. It is super awesome.  It is the system I used in order to get to where I am, and I'm still using it till today. Okay, so  that's something that can help anyone at any stage have that renewal because what's happening is that instead of feeling this, Oh my gosh, there's something gigantic going on.

It's like, let me just take it one day at a time.  And as long as I can take one step forward every single day, I'm going to see movement. I'm going to start seeing momentum. I'm going to start seeing things in different ways. I'm going to be able to contain what's happening because right now I don't see myself containing this change. 

So I think it's excellent what you've said, and I want to put it into the context of postmenopause because that's the thing that we really don't talk about. It's that part of women's life that is really hidden. How often do we see postmenopausal women represented in media? On our tv screens in movies in arts and entertainment in books, you know, like When do we really see that post menopausal woman represented again?

Things are changing but it's changing slowly we see a lot of the Female CEOs now in big companies are older women, which is amazing.  We are seeing some more in politics. I think Angela Merkel, regardless of what you think of her politics, but she is a, prime example and Margaret Thatcher who was way before her time of what it would look like to have more older women in politics.

I'm ignoring the politics, just the role of women. But I want to just focus on that element of post menopause because as you've said, this is good life strategies for any age and any stage of life. How you show up in post menopause and your opportunities for post menopause, which today are so broad and so wide and so extensive in terms of our  health longevity and the way that we are able to age in such a Good way today.

Our socioeconomic status as women, our opportunities as women, as we age, the fact that you can, you know, go traveling or take up a new hobby or do whatever you want or start a business when you're 60 plus, all of those things are available to us today.  If you have not implemented the strategies to get control of your symptoms, to get control of your body and to really connect with it in a deep way in perimenopause and menopause, It doesn't automatically disappear in postmenopause.

Those triggers, those thoughts, those symptoms are still going to be there if you have not dealt with them earlier, which means that  your aging or the way that you view your postmenopause years are going to be severely hampered or impacted by the fact that you didn't address these issues in perimenopause and menopause. 

Really, as you said, to be able to implement these strategies as early as possible, it's Whenever you realize them, engage with them, connect with them So that you can set yourself up for an amazing post menopause and today post menopause is 30 40 years of your life It can be a good Third to a half of your life in post menopause and why should we ignore those years?

Why should we negate those years? Why should we just say well you're old or you know You're done for or your life is irrelevant At the age of 67 to 80, it makes no sense,  right? And even  more than that, I think most people are remembered for the last half of their life and not for the beginning half. You know, who's sitting around talking about what you did when you're 20, when everything that you're doing now is just so great.

And exactly as you said, there's just so much opportunity in the generation that we live in. To be yourself, to shine, to be authentic, to really glow in a way that you weren't able to do when you were busy with nurturing and, you know, creating the other things that you were doing then. So I think that's really amazing.

Also, one of the things that you said about how it will show up in post menopause, if you don't take care of it, I think it's the same thing parallel also. And I'm bringing it back, you know, just because.  I find it fascinating how parallel it is  to pregnancy and, you know pre pregnancy. You can have something that triggers you or some,  beliefs and things that throughout the pregnancy are really bothering you and never really dealing with them.

And then postpartum  happens, you have your baby and you think, okay, it's all over. I just move on. And it's not all over. It's just the beginning of you having to deal with it now face to face. Okay. And a lot of people are shocked that, you know, depression just hit them, you know, the postpartum depression hit me, you know, I'm year two, like my baby is already big.

Why is this even considered postpartum depression? But it's so exact to what you're saying. If you don't deal with it when it's coming up, and then we'll keep coming up because it's something that you have to deal with. Not because There's something wrong, but because it's a lesson for you because there's gold there that you have to collect that you have to really  have in order to move forward.

Yeah. So I  say very frequently that the way that you would experience a Perimenopause and menopause is really dependent on what has gone on in your life from the previous 20 years. What happens in your 20s and 30s, you may be functioning and managing, and that's   what our body is designed to do in our 20s and our 30s.

To live at the edge, to live at the edge of the overwhelm, to at the edge of stress, live at the edge of the juggle, and we can function like that because that is what we are biologically built to do in our twenties and our thirties. But if we push ourselves to the edge, we arrive at perimenopause, hormonally depleted, emotionally depleted, physically and spiritually depleted.

Our perimenopause is going to be impacted by that. Which then will impact our menopause, which then means if we don't deal with it in perimenopause and menopause, it hasn't gone anywhere. When you get to post menopause and you can't turn around at the age of 80 and say, I wanna be an amazing 80-year-old and climb here and go there and trek there and start a new, hobby at the age of 80 when you, when you're 79, like you need to be thinking about it when you are 59 and 49. 

You are the same person. You are changing, but you are impacted by what has gone on previously which is why I had a woman, a 65 year old client who says like, you know, I'm in post menopause, but maybe I'm not your right demographic. Is it too late to start? And I'm like, no, because the minute you start,  You will feel the changes as you said the protocol that I work with is the same It's just the early you start the better you set yourself up But if you want to start at 65 or at 75 go for it You still would enjoy it for as long as you can And I love that.

I love that. First of all, you know, if you didn't start yesterday start today, you know There is no excuses Don't start telling me it's too late. It is never too late, never too late for anything. I work with marriages with women who are in their fifties and sixties. I find it that, you know,  it's finally time to take care of this.

And they tell me, But we've been fighting for 30 years or we've you know, he's been like this for 30 years. I can't fix him. Yeah. And it's, it's amazing to see actually you can you can, you can fix it and you can  make it amazing.  And the sooner you start, the sooner you're still seeing results.

And then the sooner you'll want to keep going because you're like, yes, this is it, this is where I'm going, I'm moving forward, get yourself, the right skills, get yourself the right tools, get yourself ready for what's coming next. Because you're meant for bigger things than to sit around and fight. You're meant for bigger things than to just like, you know, be wasting time.

Worrying about or stressing about, or, you know, anxious about, it's just not worth your energy.  So I want to just bring one other point, which I think really will resonate with you and your audience and really relates to the spiritual changes and about this aging process. So we talk about what does postmenopause mean? 

And I always bring the example of the girl, and I'll use the word girl, you were at the age of 20  should look very different to the woman you are at 40. And that's a 20 year time difference. You would not expect, I mean, we all want to fit into the same clothes we wore when we were 20, but that's not going to happen.

And maybe it shouldn't happen because the person you were at 20 is very different to the person you are at 40. And that is to be expected.   And you've had life experience. You've grown, you've changed, you've developed.  It would not make sense for you to be the same person. So why should that be any different from the ages of 60 to the ages of 80?

It's the same 20 year period. But we just assume in post menopause it's this one long bundle of like sameness.  But  if you don't expect to be the same person at 40 as you were at 20, you should not expect to be the same person at 80 as you were at 60. Which means you have the potential to do amazing things in this post menopause life.

Which, if you set yourself up correctly in perimenopause and menopause, is all there waiting for you. And it's fine that we are changing, and it's fine that we are growing and developing, and the fear that we have around it, or the negative language that has been put on women for it, that midlife crisis, crazy woman, you know, all those different negative terms or, you know, the postmenopausal woman who is, I like to say that you don't want to meet a postmenopausal woman in a dark alley in the middle of the night because she is strong and she is confident and she is wise and she's not scared to say what she wants and she isn't scared to get what she wants.

And that is what postmenopause looks like. But that is also changing and that's also developing. And The ability to be in that space, which is a very exciting space to be in starts already perimenopause and menopause.  Yes, I love it. I love it. You can,  you can sit down and pause and process your experiences until this point, no matter where you are in the journey, and it will affect the rest of your journey. 

If you get into a rhythm of doing that over and over again,  you will have an experience that is like no other. And that's something that I teach in my programs is how do we process emotions? How do we process experiences? How do we, how do we process relationships? How are we able to choose?  what we want, and stand for what we want, and declare what we want, and get to a place where,  you're really ready for the next stage, because you've taken all that you could from the experiences, and you're now feeling it.

filled with what you need for the next stage. And this brings me to the question of identity. I feel like a lot of people have an identity crisis or an identity shift that happens. You know it can happen at any stage of life, but sometimes suddenly you find yourself, Oh,  Like, I, I don't feel like you said, I don't feel like myself,  what happened, you know?

And so can you talk a little bit about that before we close?  Yeah, I think, as I said earlier, I think so many women struggle with that. Some women really engage with that in a really difficult way. And some women are totally ready for it, but  it's not only your journey. It's the way that you are now showing up.

For those others around you, and that can create a lot of attention that self identity of you actually may know exactly who you want to be, but it's the interrelationship between your new self identity and those people around you. So again, I think that is a real, real process. I think firstly, you need to figure that out, and it's not an overnight thing.

There's no, you know, like you wake up one day with a magic wand and fairy dust sprinkled over. You're like, Oh, now I know who I am. Like that is the identity. That is the journey of really that process of becoming your true authentic self. And I think the most important thing for me to say is.  There is no end point because You know, we are always changing and we are always developing.

What I definitely think happens is we become more confident in who and what we are. We become more confident in saying what we want. We become more confident in not taking rubbish from other people and sort of just accepting it. We become more able to set boundaries. around the things that we want to do and the things we don't want to do.

And as we are navigating that, and sometimes that journey means dissolving relationships, maybe losing friends who don't really get you anymore, who you don't connect with anymore. Sometimes there can be a little bit of trauma involved in that journey. But  it doesn't have to be that way. The more you are able to understand yourself.

Which is difficult when you're in it, but the more you can talk about it with those people and the more you  are able to sit and say, you know what,  as I move through this stage of life, if it means that I don't feel supported by certain people, or if it means I'm recognizing and noticing that I put up with things from certain people that I'm not willing to put up with anymore. 

It's a hard process, but there is an element of really sitting in your own self worth, which women in their 20s and 30s have less confidence in doing. And that doesn't mean you have to turn around and throw everything away and start from scratch. I'm absolutely not saying that. And I'm not saying that you have to get divorced or you have to change careers or you have to lose all your friends and start from scratch.

I am not saying that. What I am saying is that this identity. Change or growth or development  is part of the perimenopause menopause journey.  Here's where I wanted to add something because all the things you said, you become more confident, you become more authentic, you become more, you know, in yourself and comfortable and able to put boundaries and all that stuff that only comes when you become intentional. 

Right. If you actually do the work, if you get in there and say, I am ready to take on this new thing. And it's reinventing and re dreaming and re imagining where I want to be and what I want to do and who I want to be in order to.  Let that come to fruition, right? So I don't think it's naturally going to happen to you.

Like older women do not just suddenly become more confident. If anything, women who are not intentional will just keep being themselves except in the extreme way. So if you were shy, you'll be extremely shy. If you were negative, you'll be extremely negative. If you were depressed, you'll be extremely depressed and you won't know how to stop it because it's just the loop that you're living in.

And it just makes itself more extreme. And the only way to do is by becoming intentional. It's by actually pausing and doing something about it. You have to take control in order to get to that ideal state of being more confident, being more worthy, being more. And yes, you have the tools and you have the, life experience to be able to sit in it and do it.

Be a little bit more mature about it, which is fun to work with older women because they're willing to take responsibility and do the work right. A lot of times the younger women are like, but why do I have to do all the work? You know, why can't everyone else just be perfect? Like why can't I have. Why can't I just fix my husband or he can just fix himself or whatever, right?

So you're dealing with different energies, like the energy of maturity, the ability to sit down and the ability to really want something really badly enough that you're willing to put in the work. But I want everyone to know. off the, you know, right away. It is not going to come on its own. It is not just going to happen to you one day because, Oh, now I'm in perimenopause and now I'm getting more confident.

Now you're going to get less confident. If confidence was a thing you were dealing with until this point, you better take responsibility, get help, get support, do the things you need to do in order to change the narrative.  That's why for many women, there is so much unsettledness. They feel like women say to me, I just don't feel out myself.

I just feel out of balance because they don't understand what's going on. There is like this push and pull of like  the biology that is taking them in one direction and there.  Self talk that is taking them in another direction and this sort of push pull and there is this real unsettledness This real and feeling of like I don't know who I am.

I don't know what's going on I don't feel right something feels off But they can't describe it and they can't explain it and they can't go to their doctor and say I don't feel right Even sometimes to the therapist, a therapist who is not menopause informed or understands the deep way that menopause can show up is only going to be treating the symptoms of their expression rather than really, really understanding where is this coming from. 

I love that. I love that. And with that, I would like everyone to know where can they find you and how could they contact you? Because Obviously, you are an expert in this field and I feel really confident that if somebody is going through one of these midlife shifts, that you're one of those people that they can definitely lean on.

So  let everybody know where you're at. Yes. So as you can see, Jacqueline Rose Women's Health, if you Google that or search that on any other platforms, you will find me. I am on Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram and I have my website, Jacqueline Rose Health. I also have my private Facebook group, which is the Menopause Sisterhood, which you can find me there, but just put in Jacqueline Rose Women's Health on all the social media platforms and you will find me. 

That sounds amazing. I'm excited for it. Thank you so much for being here. This was fascinating. And I love that we're talking about this while talking about renewal and everything between it's just an amazing conversation. So thank you so much for being with us and make sure you come back next time to hear more about this topic. 

All the best. And don't forget to be connected for real.

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Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.