150. Trusting G-d in Your Birth Story

Sarah Seymour is midwife with over 25 years experience and has been attending Home births for the past 4.5 years. She is passionate about helping women bring new life into this world in a sacred and respectful manner. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman is a marriage coach for women in business. Together they will talk about Birth and G-d: How to let go and release emotions in birth and accept your birth story.

 Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

 And we are live.  Welcome everyone to the connected for real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman Grossman. And today our topic is birth and God. And today with me is the one and only amazing midwife, Sarah Seymour. 

Introduce yourself first, and then we'll give them a little background.  Okay. Hi everyone. I'm Sarah Seymour. I live in Israel and I've been a midwife for what seems like forever  since I was in my 20s.  And recently, well, not so recent now, about four years ago, I left the hospital system and I exclusively do home births in and around Jerusalem and the surrounding settlements. 

Yes. So Sarah Seymour was my midwife. You guys may remember this. I had a home birth with my number seven. And that was really fun. It was really special.  Yes. It was a wonderful experience. You handled it like a pro. You were totally like in your home birth  and it was just wonderful to see your kids around you.

Your daughter was there. It was very special.  Yeah, so my kids were in school, but my oldest daughter stayed because she didn't have school anymore and it was so so beautiful And I have to tell you I got a friend of mine who does hypnobirthing She gave me a free training And gave me all these like meditations I had to do.

And I actually did the homework and it worked so well. I was in such a different world when I was giving birth. I had no idea who was there. And then when he told me the baby is out and it's all over, I turn around and I see. Six people. Six. There were six people in the room. I did not have a clue they were all there.

It was amazing. It was my mother, and my mother in law, and my daughter, and you, and the doula, and my husband. Like, what?  Yeah, it was extremely calm, even with everybody there. They were very respectful.  They were great.  great. Apparently there were jokes going around. Like my husband was like, you guys want popcorn because they're just all sitting being really nice and quiet watching.

But it really, it was such a special experience. And, and that's why I brought you here because I want everyone to hear about it. I want people to just, you know, become more aware of how to bring God into their birth. And in general, just how to have a better experience, because a lot of what we see and what we consume from the outside world seems to be a little negative. 

Right, about home birth. Yeah, there's definitely a lot of bad press, which is not really justified in the vast majority of cases.  I think about birth in general, you know, just like how birth is shown on, you know, well, when we were young on TV or whatever, it's never really a good experience. It's always this like drama and crazy and noise and out of control and ah, you know, and it's like, wait, wait, wait, people like it's totally not reality. 

Right. I mean, birth has been going on since time immemorial, and it was just a normal part of life. And of course, there was the challenge, and it was  something that women had to get ready for. But it was not dramatic in most cases, and the women would just labor, and she had her supporters and her midwife.

And she would just give birth. And the vast majority of cases, it went very well. And now it's  become this huge, like medicalized part of a machine almost, you know, that you have to be plugged into this system in order to give birth. And that might be needed for some women who are high risk or have different needs or complications.

But for the majority of women who just need to let their body give birth, it's totally unnecessary. And it really can. You know, disrupt the whole rhythm of the woman giving birth. Yeah. And the pregnancy too.  Yeah. So let's talk about how do, how do we bring God into birth and, you know, what, what is the connection there?

Let's let's start right talking.  Yeah, well, birth is a hugely spiritual moment. From the moment that a  man and wife conceived their baby you know, they say it takes takes three partners to bring a new person into the world, a man, a woman and God. So it's a very godly moment.

Even the conception of a baby  is considered in Judaism to be a very Um, and a lot of people have special intentions  📍 that a good and holy child should come from the connection between the man and wife. So even starts from there. And throughout the whole pregnancy, women are super connected.

to God many through prayer and realizing that it's a huge miracle growing a baby. it's not something that they take for granted. We see the things can go wrong. So women who are connected. to spirituality and to God are regularly praying throughout their pregnancy that everything should go smoothly.

And if things don't go smoothly, if there's bumps in the road,  who are they turning to? You know, they're turning to prayer. Of course they might seek medical attention as well. But God is with a woman throughout her whole pregnancy. It's a very spiritual time. And a lot of women grow spiritually throughout their pregnancy.

 A  whole nother side of them comes out. I don't know if you felt that, you know, I  totally feel it, you know, where I feel it the most. Every time I give birth, since I opened up this business, right? Last time I had a baby, now I'm pregnant and I'm expecting a baby. The pregnancy time feels like, An expansion of my capacity to receive,  and I get downloads.

I wake up in the middle of the night, I start journaling. Like there is some crazy things that are going on  in my mind, in my connection, in my intuition, because there's something really almost  like fresh and raw in, in the pregnancy, in this season of life.  Yeah, growing a new human being is a hugely spiritual endeavor.

And if you can tap into that, then you can come out of it like a newborn person. Like they say that the maiden dies at the time of birth and a mother is born. It's like a very like woo woo  kind of a time. And of course, as the women becomes nearer to birth, she's probably going to be doing more things to prepare herself spiritually for the birth.

So there's certain prayers she might be doing or certain customs that the woman might take on to connect to God during this time. Jewish women have a tradition to dip in the mikveh in the ninth month, which is like a healing water that women traditionally dip in every month. So this is a time for, for all that juicy, you know, spiritual time to really connect to, to God.

And time of the birth is coming up. And a lot of times I  speak to my mothers about this because we're used to when we've grown up and in the Western society that we're in, we all think we kind of control what we do. You know, we kind of like, if we do this and that will happen.

And, you know, women come with a birth plan and it's like, I want this, this, and this.  And. Especially a first time mom, like they can get kind of lost in that, you know, trying to control, what's happening in their birth. And there's a whole nother side to birth, which is that we really don't have that much control.

We don't really have control when it happens, how it's going to happen, how quick it's going to be, how difficult it's going to be. So much is out of our control and  tapping into that and kind of letting go. of that control and trying to just let God run the show is so freeing, so freeing for these moms.

It can be a huge breath of fresh air, just like, okay, I can't plan for this. I can only prepare.  Yeah,  it's so true when people ask me, so what's your plan for this birth? I'm like No idea, you know Basically, I'm just going with the flow with this one because there's a certain stage where you're just like I get it I can't really control it.

So I'm just going to you know, lean into what I can control So I think   Prepare is really helpful, right? So prepare by maybe meditating and resting and, thinking positive thoughts and creating images of what you want to happen. Has been my go to because I don't actually have much of a plan, you know, this,  I'm like, you have a plan ish. 

Yeah, but you know, you don't have to plan every detail. You just have to have a rough idea of what you're going to do. I want to be completely honest. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I was really torn because here I am. I had hospital births. I had home births  I had, you know, this is my number eight already.

So I've had a lot of different experiences and I wasn't sure what I was being called to do this time around. I almost felt like. I should just go to the hospital and not make it a big deal, you know? And I went to I have my daily walk where I go all the way to the edge and I talked to God, and the conversation was like, am I allowed to ask for a home birth?

 Is it too  spoiled of me? You know, is that too much to ask for? Like,  should I, should I just be a big girl and just  do the thing that everybody else is doing and just get it over with?  And I was, I was listening to myself going, why, why are you limiting yourself?  Why are you not letting yourself want what you want? 

 And the answer kept coming up. Like, I just feel bad. That I'm paying out of pocket to have something that I could get for free in a hospital, like, that's the thought that was going through my head is like, why do I need to be so like, you know, oh, so spoiled. So whatever. You know, if I had a good reason, here's, here's my reasoning.

Let's say I was traumatized in the hospital or some really terrible thing happened. So I would have a good reason to say like, this is really, you know yeah. This is, this is why I need it. And then I would need it and then it would make sense to pay for it. But  thank God I am very much go with the flow.

I can go to the hospital and have a decent birth and be fine with the experience and not have to like, you know, make a big deal out of it and sort of process the whole thing, which is what I did with my sixth one, which is between two home births. Cause my husband was like really not into it at the time. 

And,  I feel like, okay. So why do I need to want something that's that almost feels like it's an extra, you know, like this isn't a need, it's a want.  And this was such a big  learning experience for me as a human to say, I'm allowed to want. God wants me to want more.

Like, of course I'm going to have whatever I need. Of course, God is going to be with me, but  God is limitless. He's capable of making it work that I can have the ideal birth and that I can be home and that I can have, you know, Sarah at my birth, you know, and all these different things  like you said, you do have a rough plan.

So yeah, I had a rough plan, but I didn't think I was worthy or deserving or that it was okay to want it because there's so much noise around it, you know, just inner noise to like, it costs money and here you get all this stuff for free and here you get extra this, that, the other, and a lot of just like noise. 

So yeah. This was a really interesting process I had to go through. And by the way I asked a lot for clarity, you know, I prayed a lot for clarity and like, if this is meant to be, make it clear and help me know. And, you know, I, it took me a while to make a decision. And then finally, when I committed, I committed and I was like,  Okay, so off my shoulders now it's done.

God wants this, you know, we're in alignment, but it feels, it feels really wobbly to be in that in between state.  Right. And connecting to God through that. process and uncertainty probably makes you a much stronger person inside because you, like you say, you've come to a moment of clarity, not just you kind of deciding, I think, okay, like it'll be good.

It's really connecting deeply to what you feel like your soul. Your soul wants and I've seen that in other women as well. I've had a lot of women who come to me and they say, okay, we're going to meet you first and then we're going to let go away and discuss with our rabbi or gonna like pray about it  📍 or see if we connect on a spiritual level.

Cause birth  it's very, very spiritual. Like I said before, and  it's a meeting of souls and the midwife soul is like privileged to be part of that. And a lot of women find they really need to pray on their birth before they make a decision or even during the birth and had a client and she said, anything that you think needs to happen during the birth,  we're going to pray about it  before it happens.

if there's a complication or anything else, you know, we're not going to just decide without praying first. I was like, okay, I hope nothing happens that we need to make a quick decision,  but I guess we can pray quickly, you know? So yeah, it's it's a huge part  of life and decision making and God really is part of that. 

Yeah. And you know, my fifth one was a oops home birth. So I didn't have a midwife and it was just sort of like, you know, happened and I ended up going to the hospital afterwards, whatever, but it was such a good experience. Once you experience it, you can't go back. But then I had to make a decision of like, which midwife do I want?

And I started talking to all these midwives. And it's just so interesting how God guides that match that experience, that it's, it's really like a, like a matchmaking thing, right? It's like you said, you have, you have to connect  on a spiritual level because you're bringing someone into your experience. 

Yeah.  Yeah. I mean, I hope that all midwives are at least on the same page in terms of  respecting the moment and the whole process, but there's a whole range within that, you know, and everyone has their personality and  some women meet with me and decide to go with a different midwife. And that's fine because every soul has their connections and the, whoever's meant to be there, I believe will be there.

So I never get disappointed if a woman meets with me and then decides to take a different midwife. I'm like, okay,  it's from  God. God decides who's supposed to be there. And that will be what will be. And sometimes even what happens is a woman has. chosen a midwife and then the midwife's not available at that day for whatever reason.

Either she's sick or she's at another birth and the midwife that she originally met with or another midwife who she talked to on the phone or whatever it is that she didn't originally connect with ends up being the midwife at the birth and it's like such a Funny roundabout way. And everyone's always knows that that can happen, but it's like the woman is like, okay,  can you, how do you say that in English?

It would be that that was who was supposed to be my midwife.  And you know, that was supposed to be the person who helped bring my baby to the world. And it's just funny how things work out. So  I have to go plug my computer in because it's dying, but while we're talking about plugging in, how do we plug into God while we are at a birth?

Go for it. Okay. So one of the things that helps us to plug into God is understanding that fear,  fear disables above  fear of the birth fear of the unknown fear of pain.  And. When we connect into faith and trust in his ways,  then it disables the fear because we trust in the process. We trust  in his timing, in his, his way of bringing the baby.

And it's like letting go and letting God, I mean, I'm sure people have heard that before, but it completely resonates when it comes to birth because we can do all the things in the world.  And sometimes we just have to say, okay, I can't anymore. It's just not, it's too much. It's too hard. And just let go and give your body over to God and let him help birth the baby.

Because Sometimes the timing is just so, so long, you know, the birth can be so long and the woman is just giving up. And I'm just like, you just have to pray.  God will give you strength and that we'll do all we can to help you through.  And this baby will come when it's good and ready when it's good and cooked.

And as they say, in Hebrew "Bshaa Tova" in the right time. And sometimes the time is just not yet. And we're not privy to these, these parts of information, you know? So letting go of all the,  preconceived ideas and really letting God just run the show and tapping into his strength. So when the woman is You know  getting distressed feeling out of strength.

I just say to her  ask Hashem Ask God to give you more strength,  you know, his infinite strength you can draw down from the heavens  Just there it's there it's there for the taking I know you feel that you haven't got it but there it's there Dig deep, dig deep and go get, go get that strength because no one else is going to help you birth this baby apart from God.

You know, you have to do it. The midwife can be there to help you, but  she's the messenger. She's not actually the one doing the birthing. She's there to help you support you. But the birthing comes from God. So tapping into that is super duper important.  Yeah. You know, in one of my births, I was very much in control.

It was the sixth one, the one after that oops, baby. So not oops, baby, oops, home birth.  Then I'm our oops babies. But you know, oops, I had a home birth. My husband's like, yeah, we can't have a mistake twice. So this one has to actually be in the hospital. Okay, fine. So after realizing there was no way I can get another home birth I got a doula and I did everything I could to prepare myself.

And I really did.  I was very intentional. I was like, you know, I, if I have to do in the hospital, I'll do it the way I want to do it and blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. And I'm just doing all the things that I think are going to help me. And nothing is helping. Nothing is moving the needle. Everything is stuck.

And  After a while, I just put my hands down on the bed. It was like sitting on the ball and the bed was in front of me. I was like, banged it down. I was like, okay, God, I get it. I'm trying to control it. I have to give up. And my hands are like so tight and so firm. Like I'm going to let go. Okay. You know, and I'm talking to God, like I get it.

I get it. And  as soon as they opened my hands and I let myself relax my shoulders and I was like, You're in charge now. I am not in control anymore. I'm not going to try to make it go faster. I'm not going to try to force it to be the way I want it to be. I'm just letting go. That moment is the moment, you know, like it's like when you can pinpoint when things started going well.

That's the point, you know, because as soon as I did that, my body just like,  okay, we're ready now. And things started moving so quickly after that, it was crazy what a consciousness change  Can really create when you're in the middle of a birth. Totally. I have a very similar story of a client and She came to me  📍 I Sometimes do home births in Nearby, I Have  📍 a  rental .

So she came to me in labor and she was laboring really 

well and really hard and it wasn't her first baby. So we're expecting, you know, the baby's going to come in a few hours, whatever it is, she was stuck at seven centimeters. All day. And we tried everything. We did the spinning babies exercises. We tried therapeutic rest.

We tried exercises and different positions and walking and standing and sitting and lying and showering in the pool. And for hours, I mean, this went on and on and on and on. And the baby just wasn't coming. And so  it was nothing physical in the end that brought the baby. Her husband was connected to a yeshiva. 

And he called his rabbi and he said, pray for my wife. This baby's not coming. And, you know, we're all at our wits end. We don't know what to do.  And they all started praying.  In the meanwhile, we decided that we're going to transport to hospital because we were like, okay, 10 hours. Of hard labor and no progress  maybe something's wrong.

And we got ready to go and literally she has her shoes on her coat on it's winter like I packed up everything She stands up. I mean she's been standing like it's not like she's never stood like she stands up Waiting to go and suddenly I hear her pushing the baby out. I'm like, are you pushing after 10 hours of nothing?

She birthed that baby in about two minutes   she had a coat on, her shoes on, I just put my hands and caught the baby, came flying out and it was like from complete despair, got everyone praying for this baby being born, was super duper quick and it was just, you know, a miracle. I don't know what happened.

Nobody knows, but there you go. So yeah, prayer is right. We should have prayed hours before. Well, you know what? There is a time, there's a time for everything and the time, you know, for that awareness of like, ah, I think we need to change gears. I need to, you know, we need to shift something that also comes with its time, the spark.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  But it also reminds us how quickly things can change, you know? I think of birth, and I was like,  in a blink of an eye, your whole day changes, right? Like, your whole,  like, my water broke in the middle of the bus. One of the, one of the sto know, I'm on the bus and I started cracking up it was a really funny situation

 You know, I'm just gonna go home. And it's just sometimes you don't realize how God is running the show very much. Like in birth, it's a lot more visible. It's a lot more in your face, right? If let's say in regular life, sometimes it can hide behind nature or whatever. In birth, it's almost impossible to ignore the fact that God is in charge. 

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Yeah. And we just see the miracle of the baby, how it transitions from the womb to outside.  I can't help but just marvel every time  when you see a baby.  When it's in the uterus, its blood vessels are connected in a way and they flow away from the lungs because the lungs aren't breathing. There's no air in the lungs. 

And as soon as it's born, it's just miraculous. It has receptors on its face. that detect air. There's no air inside the uterus,  in the bag of water, as soon as it's born, it detects the air in its face. The vessels do this switch, like the vessels close and the vessels open, the whole blood flowing through the heart flows the other direction towards the lungs, which cause the lungs to open and the baby to take a breath.

Like the engineering is  incredible and everybody does this when they're born, they switch their blood flow. And it's like the miraculousness of it never ceases to amaze me. And you watch these babies transitioning and doing this. Obviously you can't see inside them, but you see, you see the process happening as they start to blink and they start to cough and then they take a breath.

It's like.  It's, it's such a holy time you know, I can't fail to, to be amazed every single time a baby's born. And there's so much there that just It's just incredible. Really incredible.  I love that. I love that. Yeah. My daughter says that she saw, she saw the baby come out and first the head just came out and it was just like he was still inside.

He was completely calm. His face was so chill. Like it was, she says he was outside, but because he was still half inside, he was pretend still inside. Like she said, it was the most amazing thing to watch. And then the baby came out all the way  You know, when you told me to push,  you're like, I will never tell you to push, but now is the time to push.

So I actually pushed. And as you said, it's like, wow. You know, that, that moment where you realize you just experienced  seeing a miracle, like with all of it, all of its little details. It's so, it's just coming down from the heavens. And as soon as the baby's out, it's just like, wake up. It's like,  Yeah, incredible.

I always also tell my mom's, while they're pushing, when their baby's about to be born, like the heavens are open, the soul is descending, you know, like now's the time to pray  for whatever you want for your family, for your husband, for your children, for whoever, you know, Israel, whatever you need, like the heavens are open.

It's a very auspicious time to pray when the baby's being born. And I often pray too, if I'm not too busy with,  with what's going on, I'll, I'll send up my few prayers as well, because it's, you know,  Very special moment. Yeah. And you just see this baby. I think in my third birth, there was this woman I worked with and she didn't have any kids and 

she trained me in this job and I just felt so bad. Like here I am gigantic, uncomfortable sitting and being trained in this job. And she's praying for like 10 years to have a baby or whatever.  And so I decided that when I give birth, I'm going to pray for her.  And  I'm in my birth was like, I'm, I'm, you know, almost there, almost there, almost there.

Baby's not coming. And I'm thinking, why is it taking so long? What am I forgetting?  And in the middle of the birth, like in the middle of that moment where I'm like, what am I forgetting? Oh, I'm forgetting her. And then I said her name and I like, God, listen, she really needs it. You know, like, and I, I brought down all of.

Everything is like, okay, this is emergency people. We got to pray for her. And  as soon as I said her name and really had that intention for her, suddenly everything opened up, baby came out and I was like, yes, I needed to wait for that moment, you know? And it was, it's amazing. Thank God she did have kids.

And it was a real, you know,  Well, it's not me, but I think it was really, it was really fun. It was really fun to realize,  how much God orchestrates everything. Even to the point of like, I'm, I'm delaying because I need you to remember something or like, I want you to wake up for a moment, get conscious just a second before you get to the next level, it's, it's pretty incredible. 

Yeah, it really is. And I love working with families who recognize that because it really makes the whole process much easier. Like I said, because you're not trying to control and trying to figure out why things happen. It's like you just let go. Just like, okay, God is just running the show here.

 I mean, I work with all sorts of couples from the irreligious. to the very, very, very orthodox, you know, fanatical even types, you know, who are like on the, on the other extreme. And I love working with people when we talk about things that might go wrong at their birth obviously in the first meeting, when you bring these things up and they're just like, okay, everything's in God's hands.

Like we can't control everything. Obviously we're not going to do anything stupid, but within the realm of normal behavior, if something goes wrong and it's something that, you know, you couldn't help that it's obviously in God's hands. It makes me feel very good because.  you know, instead of blaming the midwife if something goes wrong, they, they know that it's not, that I'm just the hands.

I'm God's hands, basically. I'm God's handmaiden.   I'm not the one who's in charge. I mean, obviously I have to do my best, but that's all part of the plan as well. 

You're listening to a little bit of my story and you're like, so how did your husband agree to this? If he was so against it. So let me tell you, my husband used to be in Hatzala which is, you know, like a EMT. And he was trained at, you know, hospital, hospital, hospital, doctors know best and all this stuff.

And you know, get, get her to the hospital as quick as possible. And  So he was always very much,  very scientific about it and very logical about the risks and all this stuff. And when COVID hit, that was a miracle for me. That was like, thank you, God. That was a gift from God. I know so many people who are looking back now and saying  what gifts COVID gave them.

This was my gift. I was pregnant during COVID. And I told my husband,   📍 we went for a walk and I said, listen, I don't think it makes any sense to take a healthy mother and a healthy baby into a sick hospital.  Can we have a home birth? And my husband actually  considered it. And I did not like you came to us and you told us all of the dangers and all of the risks and all of the things and then you made a sign on the dotted line  and I was afraid to sign first.

I was like, I can't put my heart down and  sign it and then have him turn around and be like, no, but it's not. I'm not doing it. So I waited. I'm  sitting there silently waiting for him to sign it. And as soon as he signed it, I was like,  Oh my gosh. It's a miracle, right? Because, you know, sometimes you have very strong opinions about something just because of what you know.

And with time and with life and with different situations changing, suddenly things have to be rethought and reconsidered. And then once. He met with you like we both met with you and you were so you're so scientific about it Like you actually have everything under control, you know Like he felt very comfortable that you're not just sort of like, oh, we will do our best.

It's fine You know blah blah blah like No, I was like that. I'm very, you know, oh, it's going to be fine.  We're in good hands and you were like, yes, we're in good hands. And here's all the things I do. And here's all the things that I take into consideration. Here's all this stuff I bring with me and whatever.

So  it was a very nice balance. As soon as, We were able to open up the conversation and actually hear and meet you and the other side  of the risks involved, it became clear that this made total sense.  And so thank God, you know, I think that just in, in my journey of going from extreme, like, you know, only the doctors know, and, you know, epidural, Pitocin, all of the things, whatever, to completely being on the opposite side now and, and having experienced all the things in between.

It's, it's really, it's really an amazing experience, birth, just in all of its,  all of its,  Different facets.  Yeah, sure. And I think that's an important point actually, is the,  the blending of God and science in life in general, you know, we don't want to completely rely on science because we know that science comes from God and we don't want to, but we do want to completely rely on God, but we want to use the science that he's given us to As a tool  to use it to our benefit.

So it's finding the right balance between the two. So completely relying  on either one without using the other  is not really the way the world is supposed to be. You know, they say Torah is like, you know, Torah is, God, you know, is, is the way of life of Torah, of Judaism and work, you know, like don't just split your life and do one half of it.

So this is really where I see my role actually is blending the two together is bringing the godliness and the spirituality praying on the way. I always pray on the way to a birth that I should have  pure heart, good intentions, clean hands, that my hands should be. There to do the work of God that I should have wisdom.

They should give me wisdom and that I should be the messenger, the right messenger for this woman. And I should do my best and I shouldn't make a mistake. On the other hand, I also bring all my equipment with me. Like you say, like I have my, Things to resuscitate the baby. I'm not just going to stand over the baby and pray.

Like, I'm going to pray and resuscitate the baby, you know. Thank God that happens extremely rarely, but I need to know how to do it if it happens. So yeah, so we're getting the right balance between the two. And I think that's why I do get a lot of religious clients who are a little afraid of home birth because they want to have that reassurance.

They also want the religious part and they also want the, okay, she knows, she knows her stuff. She's not just coming with, God will fix everything without any. So, yeah, yeah, I think the integration is really powerful. It's really powerful and it's what we talk about on this podcast all the time is integrating all the different parts of your life, right?

So you can't just focus on, you know, Oh, my marriage is top priority. So I'm not going to do my business. I'm just going to sit here and just focus, focus, focus on this one thing. But honestly, if there's something pulling you, you know, To go and do something and, you know, become and show and share and shine.

You're going to be miserable in your marriage because you're not letting yourself do the thing. Right. And on the other hand, you can't just be like, go, go, go business, business. I need to make a million dollars and then leave everything behind. Cause obviously that's not what life is about. Right. So finding the, those intersections and really integrating them and creating support and creating the way that, that's They all work together so that you can have the best life and so you can really have real success, not just partial success here or partial success there, but success and every single aspect of your life.

I love that you bring that in.  Yeah. And I used to work in the hospital for many, many years. And I felt that there was  very little space there for God in the birth room. If the woman brought it in,  you know, she had to do it on her own, you know, like it was her thing and the wife would respect her, but because she wasn't in her own environment, She spent most of her energies coping with the strange environment, with the strangers coming in and out, with the procedures happening to her, with the machinery in the room.

That's much harder for the woman to like, have the emotional space. capacity to, to bring God in, into that situation, it takes a very committed woman to really say, okay, I'm going to like put all that out of my head and just focus on the moment on Godliness, on spirituality, on bringing my baby to the world and holiness.

But when a woman gives birth at home, all those distractions just aren't there. She doesn't have to worry about strangers, doesn't have to worry about fancy equipment, all my equipment's on the side and covered and very discreet. She doesn't have to worry about people checking in on her and coming in and out the room and talking to her about all sorts of strange things that maybe aren't relevant to her.

being pressurized because of time. So like she can just let go of everything and really focus on the process of giving birth. And for a lot of women, a huge part of that is the spiritual aspect of it as well and praying and really connecting. And it's, it gives them just so much more space to be able to do that.

It's beautiful. And then you just feel it in the air, like this, this calmness, this tranquility, the woman is just like, In herself. Her husband will be nearby. A midwife is sitting quietly, just waiting patiently, and it's just  such a holy moment.  Hashem's right there with us.

It's just like beautiful. You can really feel it.  Yeah. God, God's presence is really in a birth, so people are listening to us and they're thinking, yeah. Very nice. You get to do a home birth because you can, and you know, all this great things. But, you know, for whatever reason, this person's having a vbac and can't have home births, or this person didn't pass you know, the sugar test or whatever, like there's so many reasons why a person can't have a home birth.

How can they bring God into the birth that? That was designed for them, right? God is orchestrating everybody's birth. And if you, for some reason, can't have a home birth is also orchestrated. Right. Don't forget  that too. So, how do we find  that ability to bring God into all the parts, even when they don't line up with exactly what we want. 

Right. So I think as a matter of actually spending the time to connect to God and to your baby. So I definitely recommend that women every day should spend five to 10 minutes, which is not a lot of time. Even they can do it before they go to bed, just sitting with their hands on their tummy and like doing some breathing exercises and talking to their baby and connecting to the baby and telling the baby that, you know, the baby's doing great and telling themselves that they're doing great and they're looking after themselves and connecting to God to asking for, to God for his kindness in the birth that they're going to have for good doctors and good midwives, and the process should go smoothly.

And also, like I said, letting go of the process as much as you can. Saying, okay, I'm going to do my best. I'm going to eat well. Nutrition is a huge part of having a good birth, no matter what the birth is going to look like.  Exercise. I'm not talking about jumping around like a crazy person. Just walking or yoga or swimming for sure is a great part of it.

The effort that you can put in. And meditation, connecting to yourself, to your body, to your baby. And then you will learn through this process, to connect to yourself and to a higher power. And whatever happens, you'll be able to just go with the flow and accept it. It's also similar to mindfulness, like being in the moment. Understanding this is where I need to be right now.

Okay. I've done my best. I've done my exercise. I've been eating well. I've been taking my blood tests, whatever I need to do, making sure everything's fine. But right now, this is where I'm at.  And connecting through the godliness of the moment and saying, okay,  this is what I need to go through. And it, whatever reason it is.

It also, I think really, really helps to have with you a doula who can help you go through the process so that you don't feel lost in it. Because some women, if they go through a very difficult birth and they don't know what's happening and they feel like they're just being tossed on a wild sea and they're being taken this way and that way, and people are saying this and they're saying that, and then they don't know what's going on as things are happening to them.

It can be very, very disorientating to leave the woman very, very distressed. So having someone who can ground you and can walk you through the process and really help explain things to you and asking from the staff to kind of explain things and take their time and really connect with a woman so she understands what's going on can be a huge way also to just have an easier birth and have the space to really connect to what's going on at the moment.

And through that, you can obviously  connect more easily to the spiritual as well.  Yeah. I love that you said in order to be in the moment. During the birth, you have to learn to be in the moment right now. And a lot of times what happens is like, you know, seventh month, eighth month, you're sitting there and your mind is wondering about  all the fears and all the things that could and all the things and what am I going to do?

And how is it going to be? And if you're stuck in that drama in your head, you're not in the moment right now. And so when you get there, you're also not going to be able to be in the moment because it's just a muscle that we need to  You know, sort of flex and strengthen so that we can be in the moment.

 Like I said, one of the best gifts that I gave myself was doing the homework for  📍 the hypnobirthing , like really forcing myself to sit down and do the meditations and, you know, being present and rest and allow myself to learn what to do because when it came time to do it, I knew exactly what to do.

I didn't need anything else. I just slipped right into it. And it's because I practiced, right?  So even if you can't have the ideal birth for you or the thing that you wish would happen. And by the way, there is no ideal for everyone. That's why I said ideal for you. Birth is so unique and so personal and you have your own things that make you feel secure and make you feel grounded.

So really respecting that  and also knowing what you're going to need and being able to lean into it right now,  you know, regardless of where you are in the process. Right. And that's why I think the daily connecting to yourself is so important. Like you say, it's a muscle gives you the strength to really know yourself and you can also tap into intuition as well.

A lot of mums phone me up and say, I don't know what to do, like in this situation or that. And I'm like there's no black and white answer sometimes, I think take time and sit with yourself and  use your intuition, tap into your intuition because you have the answer there.

You haven't flexed that muscle yet. You know, like you say, ask for the download.  It's not going to come if you don't give it the space, you know, you've got to give it the space, you've got to allow it a landing spot. So yeah, the intuition is huge, really huge. And being mindful of the moment and where you're at and what you need.

If you haven't practiced that or trying to figure out that in labor is going to be pretty challenging  if you haven't practiced beforehand. Yeah,  I'm, you know, I think back to that time when my husband said I can't have a home birth, I need to go to the hospital with number six  and I hired a doula and I actually did a bunch of, I think it was like two months or three months of weekly, meetings, I guess, like sort of coaching  to prepare for birth.

And I think that was a really good gift that I gave myself. And one of the things that she said in the first session, she said, you know, imagine this bowl is sitting on the counter. And it sits there for a while. I just forgot about it. And then you want to go and use it. So you take it to the sink, you start filling it with water.

And then you come to use the water. And you're like, Oh, it's, it has this film, right? And it's like this dusty film thing on the water. It's like, ugh, disgusting. The water's gross. And you spill out the water and it's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Was the water disgusting? Or was the bowl not ready to contain the water?

Right? Because the water was clear. The water was pure. And the same thing is with God's abundance. Abundance and God's gifts are always good. And the problem is that we sometimes are, you know, a little bit stagnant for a little bit too long. And it starts to get dusty. And we start to have all these things that sort of stick.

And then God sends us the abundance. And as a container, I just can't. See why this is good. I see it as a curse I see it as like ew, and I spill it out like I don't want this. This is not what I asked for Right. So this is basically my situation is like I didn't ask to be in the hospital I didn't ask to be in the situation and she was like this is why you need to prepare your vessel because as soon as you've cleaned up the vessel and prepared it to receive the abundance, then when the abundance comes, you're going to only see good.

You're only going to be able to enjoy it. And she was right. And it was one of the best things that I did was I, you know, every week went and went deeper and deeper into Letting go and forgiving and, you know, sort of a lot of the inner work that I had to do that probably didn't have anything to do with the birth, but had everything to do with the birth.

And then at the end of that, being able to really  let go and enjoy the process. and  I ended up having a really good experience and overall, I think that preparing was one of the biggest gifts I could do for myself.

So I think that is a really good way to wrap it up is make sure that you are In whatever stage you're in, be present  and allow yourself to prepare  so that you can  lean into that.  Yeah,   and knowing that it's not in your hands and for women who have a difficult experience.  To know that it's not their fault.

They did their best they could. And for whatever reason, God decreed that this was the birth that they were going to have.  And we see how years down the line, a woman's first birth, second birth, can make a huge impact on the way she changes her life around or leads her life or what she does. And it can be a gift.

So, seeking out the gift in a difficult situation is what can really save a woman. person's sanity sometimes or knowing that there's a gift and they don't know what it is yet and realizing that that birth is not in your hands. It's just not in your hands. And letting go, letting go of it and just doing the best you can with  the tools that you have at the time.

Yes, I love it. I love it.  Next week we have a guest, Ayelet Schwell, who does the processing. birth and helps women really find those gifts within the difficulties and the experiences that they went through.

So that's going to be really fun to talk about. Sarah, tell everybody where they can find you and  how they can work with you. Okay, so I'm on Facebook,  sarah Seymour Private Midwife. That's my Facebook page. I have a website, sarah the midwife.com. Just throw in there that I also do diaphragm fittings for women who wanna ditch the hormones and don't like the idea of the IUD.

So you can call me.  Or WhatsApp me on 053 628 6219 and we can set up a meeting where you can ask me your questions. Yeah, I presume you'll link  my website somewhere in the show notes as they say. Yes, I will. Yeah, very happy to talk to anyone who's interested in a home birth or a diaphragm fitting or anything else that comes up. 

Thank you. Thank you so much for being here with me. This is so much fun. And if you're watching this live, then yes, this is live and I am expecting, but if you're listening to the replay, you're going to have to, you know, stay tuned because when this drops in the podcast, I'm probably not gonna be pregnant anymore.

So it's gonna be really fun  to get updated. So if you're only list, if you're only tuning in now to the podcast, make sure to start following me on Instagram at connected for real. And you can see what ended up happening between now and then.  This could be really fun. This is what happens. Yes. To be revealed.

This is what happens when you plan ahead and you, you're like recording ahead of time. You're like, how are people going to know what's going to happen? Like,  when I know, I'll let you know. Okay. So get on my email list. You can find me at connectedforreal. com slash guide. And get a free guide to unravel overwhelm, which is going to be a great gift for yourself.

And if you follow me on instagram at connected for real or on facebook or on linkedin I am connected for real in all those places. You can stay tuned to what ended up happening  Okay As well you know, having a repeat client is always a treat and especially one as sweet as you and you're such a good birth out.

So looking forward to it. I am excited.  I just got a tiny bit nervous, but I'm excited. I think I get nervous because you called me a good birther. I'm like,  I just try. So please God, please God.  We're doing everything at the right time,  orchestrated, perfectly aligned. And that will be with us. Okay. And to you, I want to make sure that, you know, God is with you right here right now, and I want you to be connected for real and make sure to tune in next week for an amazing episode.

Thank you so much, Sarah.

 And that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.