177. Make Time Work for You and Your Values

Meg Kuhnle is a mom of 3, a certified Life Coach, Holistic Master Coach, and a Certified Personal Trainer. Meg’s passion is to help moms move past feelings of overwhelm. Through her 'Strong Moms, Strong Families' philosophy, Meg has helped transform families, offering clarity, confidence, and fulfillment in motherhood. Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman is a marriage coach for women in business. Together they will talk about time and you.

Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

 And we are  live. Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, and today with me is Meg, and we are talking about time. And you, Meg, introduce yourself, tell everyone why you're so awesome, and then we'll get into our, time topic. Yes. I'm so excited to be here. Yes. My name is Meg.

Meg Kuhnle. I am a coach for moms and help them feel capable being themselves, being part of their family and connecting with their partner. I absolutely love what I do and I'm so looking forward to our conversation today.  Yes, me too. It's so fun because we overlap in a lot of things and that's why.

I love having these conversations with people who are doing similar things because each one of us has a different twist and we have different opinions about things. So this might get really fun to listen to. So in my coaching program, by the way, I'm a marriage coach for women in business. If anybody didn't know by  or successful careers too that intersection between marriage and business is where I.

Play, and I found that there's actually four pillars and not just marriage and business. There are four things that we have to take into account when wanting that flow and that cohesiveness, God is at the core, marriage and business have to work together. And then you are the container that holds all that. 

And so in my podcast, we take a topic and we attack it from different angles and. Today we're talking about time  and specifically you that container that how do I create the space?  The time, you know, the capability, the capacity to hold all these things. And I think one of the biggest things for my clients is time management.

Is one of the things. And I love that this is your thing to talk about because I'm just sitting here waiting for you to start talking. So go.  Yes. So yeah, time management. Especially as a mom business owner, right? The amount of things that can get onto our calendars is overwhelming, right? The amount of asks  depending on the time of year, can be a lot really fast.

And that feeling of overwhelm, that meter rises very, very quickly. And it's really important to learn.  What do you want to say yes to? What do you need to say no to? And how do you support yourself  in that? Right. Feeling guilty that you have to say no to things. Almost feeling incompetent for having to say no to things and then truly  fueling who you are behind the things you say yes to.

So yes, it is a wonderful topic and I feel like many people struggle with time management. 'cause we are in a world where there are so many opportunities. So there are so many ways to say yes and no along the way.  Yeah. And you know what, I think one of the biggest things is our identity around money.

Not many time, you know, they're very similar because we, we have, similar beliefs about money and about time that they're scarce, that they're limited, that we don't have enough, we never have enough. So that's why money came out. And, you know, there's never a mistake in this world. So I guess this was a perfect side point. 

But when we think about ourselves within time, a lot of times what comes up is our  brokenness, like our, almost our inability. To manage ourselves within time. Like something is wrong with me because I can't figure it out, or because I am overwhelmed or because I can't do the things I said I was gonna do, or I can't keep to the plan. 

I wanna talk about that because the container of you is really about ourselves within this topic, and especially with time, something there really hits a spot that hurts. Mm-hmm.  Yeah, so like that container of you, like who are you,  what are your values, what are your beliefs? And then what are those expectations that are coming into you?

Right? So when you think about yourself as the container, it's. I  mean,  we're so busy, right?  All the things all the time. And so rarely do we stop and pause  and understand and even appreciate who we are, what our values and beliefs are, and when we're going on autopilot,  of course we're gonna second guess what we're doing because we don't have the pillar of who we are front and center. 

Mm. So taking that time, pausing and appreciating that part of us is huge. Huge.  So how do we do that? A lot of people are like, yeah, that sounds nice. I. I don't have time.  Yeah. So I have led many of my clients through just an exercise I call the the finding what matters exercise, and it's really just like I. 

Looking at a list of values,  there's probably 40 or 50 of 'em listed on the worksheet I use and just look at them. It's actually liberating to like cross off the ones they're like, Nope, nope, nope, nope. But then we're usually left with maybe 10 to 15 that feel I. Strong to us. These are things that, that we hold a lot of value in, but then when you really focus it down even deeper, and try to pick three to five of those ones that are really your rocks, and then understand why.

Why is this important to me?  What, what do I believe about this that is so strong and will impact me, my family, my relationships, and just really boiling it all down. 'cause when we are so busy, it's so hard to move from having 10 to 15 values, right? If we can make our decisions really focused in on those strongest, those core ones, then making those decisions. The yeses and the nos feel so much more aligned with who we are and knowing, right? Our, we're a journey, right? We are always evolving. Our lives are evolving, our situations are evolving. So just 'cause these are my, my.  Core values right now doesn't mean they will still be there in five years, in two years.

Right. I can reassess and realign based on where I am. So it just feels nice that it's not like a once and done decision. It's just a this is, this is for now decision.  I love that. Can I ask you what  your core values are? 'cause I think one of the things that I love listening to as a listener of a podcast mm-hmm.

Is.  Is you know, real life examples.  Yeah. So I operate on I mean, just with my coaching is all family oriented.  one of my core values is family. And not just being with them, but  really having that quality time that, that real.  Neat and bones of how I wanna connect with them. So family is definitely one of my huge rocks.

Just recently I have been really understanding the importance of me, and not in a selfish way, but in a, in a authentic and valuable way. Is this something that I believe God put on my heart to move forward? And if it is, then I can get behind it. And if I question it a little bit, well then I know I need to spend a little bit of time there before I make any decisions.

So those are my main two. Of course, I have others, but those are, are my, my big rocks right now. Who am I,  what is God doing through me? And then a family.  Wow. I love that. I love that. You know,  I was in a coaching program where she had us do the seven why's. Mm-hmm. You're like, why are you doing this?

And why, and why, and why, and why. And at the end of it, it was so I can bring God's presence home.  Mm-hmm. And  I realized that that was really three different.  Core values, even though it was one because it was home to ourselves, home to our homes and home to his home. Mm-hmm. So it really helped me so much in decisions from that point on.

Any conversation, anything that was asked, Hey, can you speak about this? Can you come here? Can you do this? It was always like, wait, is this helping this goal? Okay. It was so, so much more aligned. And then if anything, it was like, oh, this is a cool opportunity. It's like, yeah, it's a cool opportunity for someone else.

You know, like, not for me. Mm-hmm. Like you said, saying no  feels really hard when you think you have to do it for them, but when you come, come back to yourself.  It becomes easier because it's really not about pleasing other people, which is, by the way, a very hard thing to get over. Mm-hmm. People pleasing is not, is not just like a okay, just turn it off and you'll be fine.

It is, it is a journey. Mm-hmm.  Yep. And with that though, like  there's like the mass people, right? And then there's the relationships that are really close to us, right? So sometimes we, we cannot please everyone, but we're having the intentionality to have those connections with.  Some other people and we're willing to put a little bit more work in there.

Even if it's not pleasing sometimes there's a little bit of fighting in there to, you know, make  that relationship fit well. Right. And I mean, resistance not fighting but Right. The people pleasing doesn't go away. It just kind of  gets focused. Right. Yeah. I like that. Yeah.

Yeah. Interesting, interesting. Okay, cool. So now that we got  our listeners starting to think about their values. Mm-hmm. They, they haven't, you know, sat down and done the work yet. So we're not gonna say you have your values down. Mm-hmm. But you're aware that you need to find what your values are.

'cause when you know what matters to you, then what, what happens?  Just clarity opens up.  And just as you said before, you kind of listen for the things that align. And the other ones, oh it, that might be nice, but not for me right now. Maybe for me down the road, maybe even make a little note of it. I wanna look into this at some point, but it just

helps the clarity and the alignment and things just aren't as foggy with what should I do with my time? What should I do with my money? What should I do with my resources? Just any of it. It's just this is my focus right now.  Right.  You know, one of the exercises I have my clients do is I ask them, what would you do with $17 million?

And I made a video about this a long time ago. I heard Claire Pells ask a question in her podcast to,  one of her guests who was just saying she made $17 million this year. Mm-hmm. And Claire was like, what do you do with $17 million? Like, can you tell me how your life changed?

That was a great question. You know, because  did you start doing things differently just because you had more money? Because a lot of times we say, I don't have time because I don't have money. You know, I have, my time is going towards all these things because I can't give it to someone else because I can't delegate because I can't, you know, whatever it is. 

And  the thing that you were saying about what matters to me and what are my values, it brought up the thing that comes up in the $17 million question. It's like, well of course I'm going to give, you know, a tithe  to charity.  So, okay. What would you tithe to? Like, there's so many charities out there. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I'll, I'll make a charity like, okay. Okay. One second. For what? Who are you helping? What are you doing? What is the money going to, you have now like $1.7 million to give to a charity. What do you do? It's like, who? I don't know. Like, okay. That's a great place to start because getting really clear on what type of charities. 

Are the things that really matter to you make it so much easier afterwards to make those simple decisions about like, oh, is this the thing that really matters to me or not?  And then you go to the next level of like, okay, what would you do with the rest of the money? You know, I would do this, I would do that.

One of my friends said.  I would go to dance class. I'm like, you need $17 million to go to dance class. Can you just give yourself permission to go to dance class now?  Right. That's the power of, of just being able to open up your horizons and stop the limitation of I don't have enough. And I feel like it's the same with time.

Like what would you do if you had all the time in the world? Or what would you do if you were allowed to do whatever you want for a whole week?  What would that be? I.  Right. Yeah. You were saying that and I was thinking like, what if I had 17 million hours? I was like  all to myself. What would I choose to do with that?

And I, I mean, as moms, it's like 17 minutes would be great.  Need hours.  Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, and you know, in the previous episode about time in God  was like a couple of episodes ago.  We talked about how God is time, right? Past, present, future. Mm-hmm. And in that case then time is abundant. It's not as scarce as we think it is, and it's all an illusion.

So just thinking that blew my mind because then it's like, what? So what's out there that we haven't tapped into? You know,  it really. Took me in a different, a whole new direction of thinking when I suddenly stopped thinking there's not enough. Yeah.  Yeah. And  another thing I  challenge myself and I challenge my clients with is, you know, we always say, I don't have enough time to do that.

Right. I don't have enough time. I didn't have enough time to do this, which I mean, yes, there's only a certain amount of time in a day, but I would love to encourage people to take ownership of that and like,  I didn't make time for that today.  And you can even say because X, Y, or Z. Right? But  just. Be truthful with yourself.

No, we can't do it all. But actually I didn't make time for that today because this was more important today because that was more whatever it is. But just really  owning it. Owning your choices, owning your values, owning your beliefs as you're making these decisions instead of having it be right. This scarcity of, well, there isn't enough of it. 

You know, there is time. What are you gonna do with it?  I like that. I think as soon as you said, take ownership over time, like, I didn't have time to do this because I was on my phone a lot, you know?  And if you make me have to actually say that, like, so is being on my phone  more important than I.

Doing the thing I was going to do? No. But I like to blame it on the fact that there is no time. But then when I think back and like  if yeah I could pause and really be there, like be in that discomfort enough that next time I have to make that decision, it's going to be that much clearer for me.

Mm-hmm. And it's, it's uncomfortable for me to say, 'cause I'm supposed to be that like, you know.  I, I'm a very big perfectionist. I wanna be perfect, but somehow it's just not working out. Um,  So you know, I'm a  mother of eight and I love that there's so much going on and sometimes I.  I fall just like everyone else into that, like, oh, I deserve a break, but instead of taking a break, I'm on my phone. It's not really a break.  My husband reminds me of that all the time.

He is like, if you really want a break, take a break. This is not a break.  But I mean, that's part of being truthful with yourself, right? To say like, I didn't make time for it. Instead, I scrolled on my phone for a while and then also say I was really tired.  I was really uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do next.

Like really own why you made that choice. 'cause that will help you next time. Next time I feel overwhelmed and I wanna scroll on my phone and might go, oh,  right. I realize I actually wanted a break for a minute to get my head clear and then I could make decisions that I felt more proud of, more aligned with what I, who I wanna be. 

Yeah. You know, I think what's happening here is that when you say take responsibility for  whatever you did or didn't do during the time that you had, it forces whatever is in the subconscious to come up. You know? 'cause like our phone is, is programmed to basically, you know, distract us from discomfort.

So if we're just like sort of.  Going over it and not bringing it up, then we'll just redo that over and over again because we just trying to avoid those feelings. But if, if you're telling me to actually say, Hey, I was uncomfortable, or I was upset, or I was annoyed, or I needed a break, or I was exhausted and I just needed to distract myself, well, now it's  up. 

In the conscious where I actually have to deal with that or at least notice it.  Yeah.  Which is a huge step. A huge step,  right?  So many people don't pause for that minute and understand why they're doing this with their time,  but it's a huge step.  I love that.  So.  What can a person do? We have a lot of listeners who are telling me like, I just don't follow through.

I plan and then I don't do it. Or I have best intentions, but life gets in the way. Mm-hmm. What do we do?

I mean, it depends on the person. For sure. It depends on the intention. It depends on so many variables, but for me, something I do to keep me aligned  is  every morning, 'cause I'm a morning person before I even get rolling in the day,  I have a Word document on my computer that's called journal, and I answer the same four questions every single day. 

What's going on with me today? I.  Who do I wanna be today?  Why is that helpful?  Right. And this helps me  align myself back to my values, back to my beliefs, back to what I'm working towards. So that when all the crazy is happening, like I already centered myself and focused for the day. Hmm. What's the fourth question?

I actually, it's not a question. It is a response. It's, I matter because.  Cool. So but it just helps me  not get all, all scattered. And there are days when I forget to do it. I do have an alarm on my phone every morning, but some days I swipe it and I even forgot it went off. But it'll be like midday and be like, what is wrong with me today?

Like, oh, I didn't recenter and then I will, it takes me five minutes. But it makes a huge difference. Huge difference.  I love that. That's really great.  I, I find that just, even just asking what's my intention for the day, just like pick a word. Mm-hmm. You know, while you're in bed trying to roll out, start the day intention, boom.

Pick a word. If I could pick a word for the day, oh, it's so much different. Mm-hmm. I love that you have  your rhythm of the four questions. That's mm-hmm. That's something I've never thought about.    Can I ask you a question about your intention word? Yeah. Do you ever have the intention of just relaxing for the day or just like turning off mom duty, or  is that ever an intention?

Just curious.  I think the intention is like, if I am feeling really slow or really exhausted, it's like slow down  or, you know,  I've had be present or slow down, I've had take it easy. You know, like sometimes I'm just aware that we're not doing other things today, like we're getting through the minimum,  you guys are getting whatever is, and that's it.

 And then sometimes I'm excited about like, okay, the intention is. You know, to get a lot, a lot of,  you know, tick things off the list  or sometimes I'll say, get outside. Like if it's a nice day and I feel like it would help me  I try to sit outside for breakfast or sit outside  to write.

Or if I had, I used to do this on podcast recordings where I would just sit outside instead of being inside. But you know, the internet isn't as good outside, so  yeah,  I, I love that your intentional word takes into account like how you generally are in a day. Like you're not always waking up, determined, always waking up, you know, like focus, focus, focus every day after day after day.

It's allowing you to really be like,  where am I?  Yeah, no. And also like this week, my baby's been teething.  My intention for the day is take a nap, make sure you schedule this in 'cause you're not doing this, you know,  on this much sleep. I just, I, I like to plan my week  in advance. Like I just look at everything that's happening and sort of know and then.

The night before, I sort of look at what's on my schedule for the next day. So if I wake up and I already know there's two recordings and you know, I have to write an email and I need to do this, that, and the other, and I'm meeting with someone. So like my brain's already trying to calculate how I'm going to get anything beyond what I have to do, done.

Mm-hmm. So , it's either, yeah, I'm excited about trying to. Get things moving or I am not, you know? Mm-hmm.  Let's conserve energy. Mm-hmm. It's, yeah, I think it's really important.  Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah, a hundred percent.  I love all of that. Yeah.  Yeah. Oh, great.  Okay. Well, time and you, what other angle can you come at this with?

  Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly, feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one-on-one private coaching is for, and I want to invite you, just you and me.

For a free deep dive discovery call, this is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions and we extract the three main things that are holding you back. I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations. With practical steps,  the call is free and so valuable in itself.

So go book yours today. Now back to the show. 

  So something we spoke about a little bit you and I a couple weeks ago  that I really just feel called to share and kind of called to speak around again was  the vision of  you and your partner becoming closer.  As you're moving towards becoming closer to God and that triangle and intentionally putting in that time to take care of you, right?

So you can show up to be the partner that you want to be so that you can grow.  I just think there is, is so much importance to that  that it's often not really reflected on, you know, it's not in my morning journal. I don't know that it's in other people's morning habits or routines, but I do think it is so important   to have that intentionality. 

Was it you that told me about the triangle? Yes, because I thought that was genius. Such a beautiful thought.  It's got at the top and then the two corners are you and your husband, and if you wanna get closer to your husband, really all you need to do is get closer to God and automatically you're both getting closer and closer.

There is something so powerful about that, that I never saw visually until you said it. Yeah.  And it's so true. I mean I only know my experience, right? But I know that as I am intentional, and I wanna say like, as I'm learning more about myself and who I was created to be, like, that's part of understanding God's vision. 

Right. It's not being selfish and for so long I really thought it was so selfish, but I  very clearly see that it is not that way anymore. So as I'm understanding who I am and pulling in my values and my beliefs that are unique coming  from God. It just helps me in my communication with my spouse, right?

It helps me 'cause I know how I want to  communicate. I know how I want to show up and that all is coming from above. And  as I'm able to be more genuinely who I am, right? My partner is able to be to see that and we can move in that direction. Yeah. You know, I love it. It was I think you were saying this  in response to what I was saying, that because I work with women who are successful  either in business or in their career, and they feel pulled in a different direction than their home in their marriage, and that pull is what really creates the friction. 

The way that I work with my clients is that instead of having two different  things pulling you apart, if you realize that you are running your family and nurturing and doing all that for God's sake, and you're also running your business or doing your success, or whatever that is for God's sake, then actually.

All of the things you're doing are for the same reason. And so now instead of being pulled apart, you're being pulled up towards the same direction. And that's when the alignment and the flow start to work. Because then you could turn to God and say, okay,  you know, the business is yours with, you know, we're, we're partners together, business with parenting, with marriage, with what?

What do you want me to focus on now? You know, and like sometimes taking away the decision fatigue of what, where do I go now?  It works really well. If you bring God into it, it does. You know, and  it's magical almost how in an instant, from overwhelmed and completely torn, you can turn into calm and collected and totally cool.

Mm-hmm.  Yeah. Because whenever there's that battle.  It always leads us like, am I supposed to do this or this, this? Right.  I get stuck in it all the time until we step back a minute and go, wait a minute. These things are actually  together. They can work together. How can I make them work together?  How can God use me as I'm making them work together?

Yeah. You know, when you were saying that when we get closer to God, it gets easier. I think one of the things that are really helpful. Is when I am starting to feel more distant than, you know, from my husband, or when I'm starting to feel more friction.  It might not be about him or the marriage, it might be about me losing my connection or losing myself.

And  for me that's really helpful because instead of making this about me and I'm wrong or something's wrong with me, it's, no, it's just a wake up call. Mm-hmm.  You know, sometimes I was, I don't know where I heard this from, but it's one of my favorite things to, to say.  It's like, you know, you put a, an alarm on your phone and when it rings, do you start screaming at it?

Like, why are you ringing? What's wrong with you? No. You're like, oh, thank you for reminding me that I have whatever to do, and then you turn it off. These reminders. Sometimes we take as loaded, you know, this means that something's wrong. This means about me. And in reality it could just mean that you gotta wake up  like  you were unconscious for a second.

I gotta, you know, gotta shake you up a bit.  Yeah. And then we could take, like you said, ownership responsibility. Be like, okay, so where do I get to focus today? You know, how do I reconnect, realign? And it doesn't have to be hard,  right? Climbing a ladder doesn't have to be like difficult. It could just mean turning on the light and bringing God in.

Yeah.  Right. And and pulling from the skills and the practice and the things you've already done before. Right. As you said, sometimes we just, I. We get misaligned. Okay. I know how to get back over there. Right? I just need to, to get going again.  Hmm. I like that.  I like that.  Well, I like your visual of not yelling at your, your alarm. 

I talked to one person I. Focus with them specifically on getting  their morning fitness routine,  and I am pretty sure she has like six alarms in her room and they all go.  And I'm just imagine, ah,  yeah. Why's it going off again? You know what's interesting? There's actually all these fancy alarms that you could download that make you have to get up, you know?

Oh, I know my daughter got one alarm clock that was you had to scan a code of one of the products in your bathroom, so you had to get up from your bed with your phone, take a scan. It will not stop ringing until you take a picture of one of the products of like the scan code. It is so funny and it worked because it was something she really wanted to do and it just won't stop. 

There was another option that made you have to solve math problems, but that one she was able to do from bed and it wasn't as effective.  I would imagine she'd probably dream about doing math also.  Just just to, yeah.  Yeah. Just, just, you know, make this thing stop so I can go back to sleep.  I love that. I, I love how creative that is and also how well she had, or you probably helped to know her to be like, we need to go high level here.

We need to get you out of the room.  You know what's beautiful? I did not have anything to do with this. I believed in her that she can figure it out. If something is important to you, then you will get up, right? You're not gonna come late to your own wedding or to your best friend's wedding. Like things that are important are not missed usually, unless something really crazy happens.

So, so how can I live my life in a way that. Reflects that even with the little things, you know, it's not always just about big things. It's, it's mostly about the little things that bring us to those big things. So  I think she just like, you know, took responsibility to find a solution that works for her. 

How beautiful. It's, yeah. How much is she gonna lean on that skill as she grows up?  Yeah, it's, it's very cool. She is.  Just today I went to parent-teacher conference and it's so fun to to come back for the younger kids in the same school as my older kids were. So people remember me already and they're like, ah, how are you?

You know, how are the older ones? It's like, oh, I already have two that are in high school and they're not here. And one that's not even, you know, that's, that's finished. And she's in life. It's, it's so cool. It's so cool. I don't know if I ever thought I would be on the other side  of school.  You know, like when I had four girls in that school and they were all like, you know, eighth grade and seventh grade and whatever, like all the grades there was  first grade and eighth grade, and then between mm-hmm.

I thought, oh wow, we really made it. But now I am. Wow. That's it. 

Now the cool thing is that it really is fun to celebrate. You know? It's fun to look back and say like, yeah, cool. We're here. You know? Out.  Yes. And all the detours it took to get there, right? The adventure, the unexpected, the. Right. We just, we never know. We never know. But yes, when you stop.  I have an easier time parenting now that I see that certain things really matter less and certain things matter more.

Mm-hmm. When teachers say like, oh, this is a thing, and you're like, yeah, no,  not, it's not a thing for us. Our family's cool with, you know, or like, this thing passes, it's fine. You know, I've seen it happen. It, we've gone through it. It's, it's not, it's not gonna stick. It's so liberating. It's so liberating and I wish I can give that gift to the younger moms who are thinking like, this is the end of the world.

It's like, it's not. It's not. Your kid is gonna grow up and they're gonna be amazing. It's gonna be so cool and you're gonna look back and laugh.  Yeah. But like how, as I was saying at the beginning of our conversation, right? Your values are only need to be there for a certain amount of time and then they can shift.

Right. And you as a parent, right, when you, when you had. All the younger ones and all the things were life or death situations, and then now we've shifted a little bit. Now I understand this, I, this is a focus for me, and it doesn't mean your previous self was wrong or bad or anything just means, okay, now I have more information and this is how I wanna move forward. 

Yeah. You know, I'm thinking about the fact that today we're talking about time in you, and this too is time in you because when you realize that you are not just the you of now, but there is a journey and time is a gift from God that he created. Right. He didn't have to, but he did. In order for us to go through a journey.

Mm-hmm. That, that journey really allows us to see and learn and grow and be able to look back and, and notice and recognize where we were, where we are, where we're going. It's very cool. And  being able to  put yourself in that bigger picture, you know this year I turned 40 and  there's a lot of 40 things and Jewish  things, you know, like 40 days and 40, you know, 40 years and all, all sorts of 40 anyway. 

And one of the things that 40 represents is wisdom. And I was reading about why is 40 wisdom. It's enough time that you can look back and actually learn from the journey. You know, it's like the journey has been going on long enough that you see things go full circle or you see things like sort of wrap themselves up and fall into place and learn certain things that you couldn't see when you were too close to the beginning.

Mm-hmm. And that, that was really awesome. It's been really fun to be able to just pause and, and take that time. So when we talk about time and you, I think this is, this is something that is really upper PO for the conversation. I.  Yeah. And  I love how it makes turning 40 not being terrible. Right. It's like honorable.

I now have wisdom.  I have enough experience that this is great.  It is. Exactly, exactly.  It's very cool.  I have this like, you know, very old soul. I always felt like I was. Out of place when I was young because I was just too wise for my friends. And there would be a conversation of adults and I would say something that would blow everybody away.

And they'd be like, who are you to tell me to do that? Or like, what do you think you are? And I'd be so in the wrong, like really very.  Very awkward. So I was excited to get older. Like for me, this is a real stepping stone to being legit because nobody was taking you seriously. And I think that's also one of the things that makes me so happy about going gray.

And I've been gray for a long time, like I just keep getting grayer. But I had my first gray hairs when I was 14.  And I thought that was very telling. It, it really, and you know, my mother keeps telling me like, color your hair, people are going to like, think. So I, I don't care what people think. I love it because I can take myself seriously, you know?

Like I feel like I'm finally looking the look  and fitting the part. One time I was at a friend's house and she said. So how old are you? And I said, 87. And she looks at me, she's like, yeah, 

like, you know, it was like a new friend I met and we had like really deep conversation,  right off the bat. And she had no idea how old I was. And at the time I was probably 25,  you know? And I just threw like whatever number it came to me. And she had this like, look on her eyes like, yeah, you're right.

And then she's like, no, but really.  Like, no, I'm 25.  That was cute. So is that your old soul age? Is that how old, like you,  you feel like you operate from?

 I don't know. I just always felt like I was the younger one in, you know, I, I don't know.  Ask me again in a different way so I can understand the question better. When you,  at what age?  When you turn, what age do you feel like you're gonna be like, I have arrived. This is how I thought I would excel my whole life. 

You know, I'm very much in the present. Like that's one of the things that I am very good at being.  And someone asked me, 'cause we moved a lot when I was a kid, and someone asked me, what was your favorite place? And I was like, every place, because every place you are is the best place to be. You know, like, it's very hard to pick when you are living here, you know, right here, right now.

And then the next place is this, you know, your next place. And I, I feel the same now too. I, I think that when I was 25, I was very much 25. Mm-hmm. You know, and I was.  I was who I was and I was trying my best to show up in  the best way. I do think that between 30 and 40 I became a lot more authentic and give myself a lot more permission to show up fully.

But I don't think I knew what that was before that, you know, like I thought I was showing up as fully as possible. I just was, you know, looking back, I was hiding, you know, behind a lot of things. Mm-hmm. But.  I am sure there's more,  and, and I'm excited to find it, you know? Mm-hmm. Like I am, I am ready to show up and like  read, you know, discover and develop.

Mm-hmm. And, and figure it out. Yeah. I'm excited about it. Mm-hmm.  Yes. It'll be fun to see what your, your future self would then say to you right now. Right. You know, just thinking about that. I was just thinking it's so fun to, to experiment with where we'll be. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when we did a meditation once I was part of a mastermind and the woman was really good at meditation.

She was one of my one of the guests recently.  She did a meditation and she said find your future self. And we found her. We got to talk to her like one piece of advice that she has to tell you, like write it down and, you write it down in your memory, but then you get out of the meditation, you like, write it down.

Write away because,  and she said, if you can't be now, now you won't be able to be now later.  Hmm.  I thought, whoa, you know how I know. That's for sure me because I talk like that.  So it was so powerful, you know, just the understanding that I can't be. 

Who I'm not right now. Mm-hmm. Even in business, right. I'm trying to be there already. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Mm-hmm.  All these goals, all these dreams, all these things that I need to achieve,  but I can't be there when I'm not there, and when I do get there, I'm not gonna be able to enjoy it.

Mm-hmm. Because I haven't enjoyed the journey. I haven't been able to really be present. So it, I reminded me of myself of this all the time because it really is the thing that. I've been working on the most is mm-hmm.  Celebrating what is right now.  Yeah.  Yeah. And.  It took 40 years to learn how to do that, right?

Yeah. I mean, for real. Like, it, it takes time to even and understand that you're not living in that zone. And then to potentially be like, okay, enjoy this journey, this, this journey. And in like two, three years, I'm gonna look back at this and be like, cringe. Oh my gosh. I cannot, I  can't even look, I can't even listen.

Ooh. You know, and that's how it's, it's just, it's just. Exactly as it needs to be. Mm-hmm. It's very exciting.  You know, I think also what's coming out of this conversation is that we try to wait for things. You know, I need to be ready to do this thing, or I don't have all my ducks in a row, or I can't do this thing because something is missing.

And a lot of times when we're procrastinating is because we don't believe that we have what it takes to do it. So we wait. For more tools or more skills, or more help, or more, I don't know what. Mm-hmm. And really it's not about that.  Can you elaborate on that a little more?  Well, I mean, just what you said, it's, it's the where am I today? 

What can I do today? What is my intention today, and how do I own this experience today?  Yes. Maybe looking forward, maybe reaching towards a goal, maybe. Right. But today  is what we have to deal with,  right?  So how can we appreciate that? How can we take care of us and our time right here  to live that full experience? 

Yeah. Yeah. And I wanna add God into this because it's so, so powerful  when we do that.  God gave you everything you need today in order to do the thing you need to do today. Mm-hmm. Right? There is no such thing as I am. I'm missing a skill or I'm lacking a thing as No, no, no. You have all the puzzle pieces right now.

Mm-hmm. Just, just go do it. You know, just move along.  Mm-hmm. Get the courage to use them. Yeah. Right. We have so many skills that we're afraid to use. We tell ourselves we don't know how to use. It's uncomfortable using, but ask for courage to use them today.  Hmm.  Let's get into that a little bit.  Because I do think that everything we're talking about is so helpful for someone who is believing about themselves that they can't figure it out.

Mm-hmm. Because it's not about you not being able to figure it out, and it's not about something being wrong with you. It's really about the courage. It's really about the understanding that  it's a journey that you don't have to be perfect right now. And that.  Mm, this is it right now. Mm-hmm. You know?

Mm-hmm. Let's try to help that listener practically. Yeah.  So in my experience, and that's the only thing I can ever speak from, but the hurdles and hiccups that I experienced is because. I feel too afraid. I feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am not enough. I don't have enough equipment, don't un have enough tools,  and  so many times we just try to like push that aside or totally. 

It's either ignore or totally let it.  Wrap ourselves around us.  Right? So really just being true to yourself, and I'm sitting here with my hands at my heart because often I will just kind of go inward  and be like, okay, right now I feel so uncomfortable.  Something is making me uncomfortable.  And name just, what does that feel like to me?

Right. It feels like a knot in my stomach. It feels like a dry mouth. It feels like.  I don't know what I'm doing. Right. And just allow yourself to be there,  to own it, to own that experience and understand it a little bit because then it's not so loud.  'cause  it doesn't have that power. 'cause you're, talking to it, you're allowing it to be there, you're experiencing it.

And once you can do that,  then it gets quieter.  You've  understood yourself a little bit more, so that when you shift to trying to doing something that takes courage, right, is a little bit outside your comfort zone. You can do it in a way that feels good to you because  you've gotten yourself together first.

You've understood what's going on.  You haven't told it to be quiet. You've wrapped your arms around it and said, okay, you're feeling uncomfortable.  Thank you. I'm gonna bring you with me and we're gonna be courageous. Now. We're gonna try this a different way. We're gonna do it in a way that feels caring to us as we're trying something new. 

I think you just hit on something really powerful, the fact that not everything has to be done the way everyone else is doing it. Mm-hmm. You know, how is this going to work for me? How can I find  what. What works for me, you know? Mm-hmm. Some people find that batching works great. Mm-hmm. They just get it all done and then it's over.

And some people love the consistency of doing something every week and you know, just sort of  mm-hmm. Going at it.  And then there's that voice that's very external and very loud that says, everybody has to do it my way. You know, if you're not consistent in your business, you're not gonna make money. If you're not able to go live every week, then you can't make, you know, get it together.

And I, I believe I was very much pressured by this voice  feeling like. There's only one way to do it and therefore I'm not gonna do it right. I didn't open up my podcast. My sister was telling me to start a podcast for years before I actually started, and I just kept it. I can't, I can't do it. I can't. I can't commit to another thing that's weekly. 

And then I ended up starting my podcast the week of my birth because I was able, I know because I was able to batch and not think about it. Mm-hmm. And once I realized this works for me, it works for me that I can plan ahead and do it when I have energy and then leave it alone. And it just sort of does its own thing and everything's fine.

You know, everything is under control. It doesn't have to be done the way that other people want it done or the way that it's supposed to be done. When, when you can give yourself permission to do things your way,  then it takes less time because you're not resisting it. Oh,  yes.  Oh yes. We spend so much time and energy fighting ourselves.

Yeah. With that resistance.  Yeah. Oh yeah.  It's, I think this is the point that, you know, we've been talking and talking and talking really just to get to this time and time management and managing yourself within time and all the beautiful things we could say about using  your time properly and for yourself is give yourself permission to stop fighting.

Mm-hmm.  Mic drop. Yes. Amazing. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Just imagine what, imagine what a day would be like. Right? If there wasn't that resistance, if there wasn't that internal dialogue of you should be doing this, you should be doing this. Right. Just imagine how much more peace and calmness and true alignment with who you are as you're moving through your day. 

Yeah.  Yeah. And then that bully in your head is gone.  There's nothing else to bully. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like I am, I'm doing it. Mm-hmm.  Like, you know, that those days I give myself permission to just do as little as possible.  There's such good days. Mm-hmm. Because anything extra feels so good.  They're bonus.

Absolutely.  Yeah. And then it's like, so fun to take time for yourself, you know? 'cause there's no rules, which I totally would have loved to talk about. You know, how do we use time for ourselves to develop and to, you know, really care for ourselves? I think that is also a really great angle for time.

And you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like we can do a whole nother, 45 minute episode on that.   And it doesn't have to be that, right? It's the little snippets. It's the three to five minutes along the way  that really add up. You don't need to block out a day, 45 minutes to go to the spa to go do whatever.

You really just need these little bits intentionally use them to refresh and restore.  And they make a huge difference in your day.  Yeah. You know, recently I thought, I heard my friend go, went, went away for a vacation and they were saying something about like a whole spa day. You know, they really took, took out a whole day and I.

I thought, actually, I think I'd enjoy it better if every week I got one, one of the things on her list, you know? Mm-hmm. If like one week I did a facial and the next week I did a massage, and the next week I did reflexology and the next week I did whatever, like got my nails done, whatever. Right. Wouldn't that be a cool month? 

Right. So  sometimes instead of wanting to like. Cram it all in. Batch it right. Batch it in, or,  exactly, exactly.  Yeah.  Very cool. Tell everybody how they can find you, where they can work with you. I think I messed up the order where they, where they can find you, how they can work with you. Sure. I have a website, mega thrive coaching.com.

I'm on Facebook. Mega Thrive Coaching, and I'm on Instagram, shockingly, it's called Mega Thrive Coaching. I love to work with people and help them feel capable in being themselves, being a parent and being a partner. It is truly my blessing to be able to do that.  That's amazing. I love it. I love it so much.

And you know, I think we are talking about time and overwhelm, so I'm going to put it out there. I have a guide, the Guide to Unravel Overwhelm that is really, really helpful because is so simple and easy to go through. Especially made for people who are overwhelmed. Mm-hmm. So you can get that@connectedforreal.com.

Slash guide connected for real. All just words, no numbers. Connected for real.com/guide. And all the links are going to be down below in the show notes.  Thank you so much for coming. This was such a fun conversation.  Thank you so much for inviting me. Here I am. Just so excited to be part of your community and this conversation.

Thank you so much. No problem, and thank you to the listeners. Come back next week and don't forget to be connected for real.

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Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.