200. How to Recharge after Summer Vacation

Join Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman in this very much needed episode about how to recharge after Summer vacation! In this episode you will hear all about the intense summer she went through and how she is picking herself back up again and preparing for a new school year and the New Year ahead. 

  Welcome to the Connected For Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman, a marriage coach for women in business. And my mission is to bring God's presence into your life, into your marriage and into your business. Let's get started. 

 And We are  live. Welcome everyone to the Connected for Real podcast. I'm Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman. I'm a marriage coach for Women in business. And today, this is a solo episode. The topic is Recharge and God, and I'm so excited because I decided that I am the expert on this. And I think that with all of what's been happening and all of the updates about my life and what's going on behind the scenes, this would be a really interesting episode.

So instead of bringing in someone as a guest, this is actually going to be a super exciting and super interesting episode. So, a little bit of background the podcast is built on the four pillars, which are my four pillars that I have established to be the most important four things to focus on when doing this.

Women in business dance. So obviously we have the marriage and the business because you have these two parts of you, the home and the outer world that you want to be the best at, right? So I'm like, I wanna be my best at home and I also wanna be my best out there in the world serving and so forth. So the obvious ones are marriage and business, but there's also God who is in the core of everything we do.

And it is an obvious pillar and also you. Who you have to take care of in order for you to show up in all the places as your best self. So the four pillars are God, marriage, business, and you. And knowing that if you're a long time listener, you know that the rhythm of our podcast is that every month has a topic and sort of like an umbrella topic.

And we attack that topic from four different angles. So I bring in a guest for topic and God, then topic and marriage, then topic and business, and then topic and you, and you end up getting a really nice overall view  on the same topic from four different angles, which has been really amazing. And I love the structure.

And I think I'm going to keep going with it because all of the feedback I'm getting is thumbs up. And for this episode, I was looking for a guest.  And I thought to myself,  Hmm, no, I really should go solo on this and I'll tell you why. So you may know and you may not, and that is okay. That Tze'ela Gez who was murdered on her way to having a baby about three months ago is my sister-in-law and her husband is my brother.

So a lot of you have heard him speak during Tisha Bav and the Aish or the other video that was going around. He's really inspirational because he really is legit inspiring. I'm going to have him on the podcast as a guest as well, so look out for that. It's gonna be really awesome. He's already scheduled and ready to go  and that

event threw me for a loop more than I expected. So I knew that  any trauma like that, any shakeup, like a terror attack and a,  you know, a shooting is a difficult thing to process. I also was feeling something the day before.  So I,  I, you know, like there's a joke basically that I told my friend I'll give you the backstory 'cause this is really interesting, but like, the day before she was murdered,   we woke up first thing in the morning with a siren,  which was really. 

Like it shakes up your whole nervous system. You have to run outta bed, you know, get your kids into the safe area. Everybody is like cranky and uncomfortable and doesn't know what's going on. Everybody's like half hazy and half freaking out, and there's a lot of panic in the air, even though you're trying to keep it cool. 

So even though it was just a siren, it was no big deal. Nothing happened already. My nervous system was like on a high, high tense alert thing,  and then we sent all the kids out and they went to school like normal. And it's like as if back to normal. But you know how your body feels it, even though you wanna pretend that it's fine and everything is like hunky dory and let's just move along. 

So I had that like inner jitters, even though my brain knew everything was okay, my body was not buying it.  And I was trying to shake it off. I did yoga, I did meditation, I tried going to nap. I don't know. I did like all the things that usually help me and I just couldn't, I couldn't shake it off.  So towards like four 30 in the afternoon, I was still so shaken up.

Oh, also, sorry I forgot the details. My mother called me in the morning and said my grandmother fell and she's in the hospital and they're checking her. So my mother was rushing to the hospital to check on my grandmother, who thank God was okay, and was sent home at the end of the day with a lot of black and blue bruises, but nothing terrible, which I'm very grateful for. 

And so there was like a lot going on right in my head. So at around four 30 I went to the park and I met a really nice friend who, we have girls in the same classes together, you know, like my kids and her kids are in the same school and we know each other from around, but like, we're not best friends.

She's just like a really nice person.  And we were talking and I said to her, listen, I'm really jittery. I feel something. I can't shake it off. I feel like this down, like this really heavy, heavy down. And she says, you must be really aware. And I'm like, yes, hyper aware. That is my problem. And my gift to the world is that like I feel things, I am like, ugh, there's this knowing.

  And then we were talking about it like, you know, how do you deal and how do I deal and what to do and some ideas. 'cause also she's also learning some sort of, I don't know, social worker or something. So she's also in the world of helping people. So we were talking about regular things,  you know, regular mom things in the park.

Like what do you, how do you deal with this? And what do you do with this and how do you shake it off? And what do you do? What do I do? And it just got into a really fun conversation   I thanked her. 'cause even though I'm not feeling a hundred percent going out, seeing my kids playing with other kids, being able to have a conversation with another friend was a really nice experience.

And she gave me a hug and said, don't worry, it's gonna be fine today we'll be over and then you'll be, you know, you'll start over tomorrow.  I also, like when I told her the siren really shook me, she's like, really? You even remember that? Like, it went over my head and I realized every person takes it differently and that's okay. 

So we went home, exhausted, drained,  ugh, completely like let's just close the day and make it over. My mother was exhausted from being with her mother for the entire day in the hospital. I'm sure I don't have to explain to you why hospitals are exhausting.  And so she came home, she ate and she fell asleep. 

And I wanted to do the same. So I put my kids to sleep and I went to sleep, and by 10 30, the whole house was like quiet because I don't know, there was something in the air that just, everybody felt it. And then two hours later we were woken up by two social workers that were knocking on our door and calling us on the phone to open up the door and let us know that there was an attack  and that my sister-in-law was killed.

My brother was wounded, they were rushed to the hospital. They don't know if the baby made it yet because it was just too early.  Oh, actually, yeah, they told us that they took the baby out in a C-section and they're checking to see what the status is, but we knew the baby was alive,  so that was really the middle of the night.

Shocker.  And the first thing I thought was, oh, it's a good thing I got over the worst day of my life yesterday. You know, like, we got that out of the way, now we can have a normal nice day. Anyway, worst day ever. And then they turned to me and said, and now you have to tell your parents. So it wasn't enough that I got the worst news of my life and that I had to deal with all of the consequences, but then I had to start telling people.

And first thing was my parents,  and it was a very hard thing. And I said, no, like a little girl. I was like, I'm not allowed to wake up my parents.  You know, like, ugh. They teach you that so nicely and then you like, follow it so proudly. And my husband looks at me and says, but this time it's your commandment to wake up your parents.

Like this is your mitzvah.  And.  I, I took his words, I owned it and I was like, okay, let's go do it the best way I can. And I went upstairs and I woke them up and I told them right away. 'cause I didn't like that the social workers took a while to tell me, like they weren't gonna tell me when they were outside the house.

They waited to come in and then they waited for me to sit and they waited for everybody, like  get, you know, settled. And of course I couldn't come out until I was dressed and into the bathroom, whatever. So like I told my parents right away, all the details all at once.  And  I know that that was terrible news either way. But I also know that they appreciated it because I know my parents and how they like to. Talk like they want the straight, you know, give me everything so forth. That was a miserable experience.

And then we had to sit down at the table and start to strategize how we tell every single person before 6:00 AM because at 6:00 AM they're going to put it in the news and everybody is going to see her picture and her name and the story. And we don't want my kids to find out this way. We don't want the aunts and uncles to find out this way.

So  it was a race against time to make sure that everybody is told properly. Now I have two girls who don't live at home. One is in a dormitory and the other one was in seminary. And you know, in Israel it's called a midrasha and so I had to tell their people to tell them, which meant I had to wake up a lot of adults in the middle of the night and give them the worst news ever.

And so, you know, I'm talking about it and my body is like  getting all like, you know, jittery and stuff because it really is not fun to describe or imagine or be in.  So needless to say, we went through a very difficult time and I thought it was over. I was hoping it would just, you know, go away. I am like sort of moving forward in the timeline, but I think I took it worse than I expected myself to take it.

And I don't think, you know, everybody who's like a professional is like, ah, stop it. You know, you're doing fine. Don't worry about it. Or, you know, you're supposed to feel this way. But I really  was.  Convinced,  I was convinced that I had all the skills and all the tools in my toolbox to deal with this and to know what to do and how to do it.

No seriously. Like you don't really know what to do because it is not a normal situation. So the, like, the go-to phrase, let me teach it to you. So now, you know, is everything is normal in a non-normal situation. And so, you know, every reaction is fine, every feeling is fine, everything that comes up is fine because there's no rules of how to deal with grief and shock and all of these fun things that we had to deal with.

Anyway, so we had the funeral on Thursday for Tze'ela,  and the baby was still in the hospital under this like three day experiment. I don't know. It's been like proven that this thing that they do is, you know, the way to save lives of babies that are born in a traumatic experience. And so for the first three days, you're not gonna know anything.

Don't even bother, just pray. And so that was the first three days of the morning period was the funeral, the three first days. Of course it was Thursday, so then it was Friday, Saturday, and a little bit of Sunday  where there was no news about the baby. Anyway, so whatever then the baby wasn't well 

so to fast forward a little bit, two weeks after the first funeral, we had the baby's funeral. Which was a second blow. And I think it was harder because we were already dealing with loss and trauma and shock for two weeks. And then it came also harder because it was a baby.  And  you know,  that self-explanatory and also harder, just I think familiarly, like familiarly, is that a word? Also harder because we were already aware of how hard this is. So a second blow wasn't helping.  And on the other hand, it was a little bit  of a closure  to the two  period of  the loss.  So I didn't really wanna get into the details because I don't want to bring you down. But I do want you to know, you know, A, what's going on through my life and b the background to why I am the expert at talking about recharging because I have been drained of all of my energy and all of my,  what I knew to be true and what I knew to be me.

I feel like I  had to really use all of my resources and everything that I had until this point to maneuver and  get through it.

So we had the first funeral, two weeks later, we had the second funeral, and two weeks later  on Thursday,  the war started.  And that's funny to say, because we've been in war for like, you know, almost two years.  But like the war with Iran started,  so they woke us up. Everybody's freaking out. Everybody has to go into the, you know, safe room for hours on end.

They're expecting the entire country to be like bombed to pieces. They don't know what's gonna be. Everybody's just  speculating. And so like the rhythmic  effect of Thursday funeral, two weeks later, Thursday funeral, two weeks later, Thursday war, you know, I was freaking out two weeks after the war started that something else was gonna happen just because it felt so intense.

But then I thought about birth and I realized that  that rhythmic two weeks, two weeks, two weeks was like at the end, end when you're giving birth and there's like a labor and you have like contractions that are two minutes apart.  Eventually there's like a very contraction and you're already in birth.

Like you're, you're giving birth. That's it. It's over, it's common.  And at that moment when it's getting too much and there's like, oh, there, there's no contractions anymore. Now it's just one big contraction. That was the war. And that gave me a lot of hope. Why? 'cause number one  in my birth,  this last one, especially  when that big contraction came and I was supposed to like push or know what to do or something, I felt helpless and I felt like, that's it.

It's over. Nothing's happening, nothing's moving. This thing's not coming out.  I don't know. And I just told the midwife, I'm like take her out. I don't know what to do. And the midwife believed in me and said, don't worry. You know exactly what to do. You're doing great. Just keep going.  So it took me back to this experience where I was like, huh, two weeks.

Two weeks. Two weeks. And then a big scary contraction that's not going away. And the feeling of helplessness and the feeling that we're gone, we're done, we're finished. I can't, I don't have the energy for this anymore. We just, there's nowhere to go from here. That feeling triggered hope because I realized that last time I felt that the baby came out really soon after.

So that was giving me a lot of  what to hold onto and trust that. And there is an orchestrator and we are on the right track. And as crazy as this sounds, this actually is exactly where we need to be and we are exactly how it needs to be and this is perfect.  And so that was really, really helpful for me

to have that parallelism between the birth and this redemption process. And then we went into the summer, right? Basically the war ended school because anybody who was graduating, canceled graduation, anybody who had a party, canceled parties, anybody who had anything to do with end of school.

The end of school was done, finished. Nothing. Nobody got their report cards. Like it was like everything was so mishmash   school ended in a very choppy note. Everybody was sort of freaking out and also bored out of their minds. Not really sure what to do. They were trying to do zoom school.

Everything really wasn't working.  It was like the whole thing was such a mess. And then we went into the summer vacation. Wobbly, like really strange. And I realized that I, as much as I was investing in myself and speaking up and getting help, I was going to a support group for Sister-in-laws. Can you believe there is a support group for sister-in-laws?

Sadly, there are a lot of sister-in-laws who lost someone and feel invisible because even though you're not the one sitting Shiva, which is like the morning period in the first seven days.  You are considered standing Shiva, which basically means you're standing around helping everyone else while you yourself are grieving and you're not allowed to say that because who are you to be grieving?

Obviously that's not what people are saying, but that's how it feels from what's is just the situation. And everybody was pretty much saying the same things like, you know, nobody validated my feelings. Nobody realized how hard I was going through, or, you know, how invisible I felt. It was, turns out a very normal reaction to a person who is very close but also not close enough.

So I was part of the support group and I thought it was really, really helpful and I am very grateful that it was perfect timing. It just popped up out of nowhere perfectly when I needed it. And, I am very, very grateful for them. 

I Felt a lot of weight because I felt very central to a lot of what was going on. You know, I have eight children and they were all sort of leaning on me for their processing.

My husband thank God is very good and very supportive. So I think he's on the, you know, supporting me side, which was very helpful. And my parents were very supportive of me and I was very supportive of them. 'cause we live. In the same building  and they basically live upstairs for me. I don't know if you can call it a building, but Yeah.

And  I was there for my brother and I am still there for my brother. I think he is incredible and I wanna be there for him as much as I can. So I was feeling very central, but also very left out. It was a story I was telling myself, which is fine. We can get into that a different day.

It's nobody's fault. According to the government, something I realized when I was in the support group of sister-in-laws,  all the sister-in-laws are, most of the sister-in-laws were married to the brother of whoever was killed. Most of them  were soldiers, so that was also very different.

But anyway, if the soldier who was killed,  his brother.  His wife. So she's still in the same family unit as the person who is mourning and therefore legally and according to all the organizations that help trauma,  you know, terror attack victims,  she counts.  But if  me and another girl who are sisters of the person married to the the murdered person so you are too far removed, even though they both  count as sister-in-laws and there isn't really a way to differentiate.

Except when you start explaining it. So me and the other girl, one of the things I realized is that we don't count in any of the terror attack organizations that help people who went through stuff, whatever. It's as if  we don't exist. And so I tried calling certain organizations that were very helpful that most of the ladies were like, yeah, they were really great with this and they helped us with this.

And they were very good at like, just, you know, giving us the time and listening and helping us strategize what to do with what and whatever. Nothing. I got a lot of beautiful messages and, you know, some phone calls that were very nice and touching, but overall it's just I fell through the cracks of this story, which is fine 'cause it's part of my story. 

And I think because I felt it so deeply, I might be able to one day help people who fall through the cracks in this way or other ways. And so I realized I was feeling alone and once I was able to isolate that emotion, I started to reach out to people saying, I don't wanna feel alone. I am, you know, on vacation with my kids, but without my husband.

'cause he's still in his structure. My husband is in a yeshiva.  He was  studying Torah full time and doing his research. And so he was unavailable during the day, but definitely supportive when he was home. So I didn't wanna feel alone during those hours of the morning. And I started reaching out to friends who wants to have me over for lunch because A, I wasn't feeding myself 'cause I was just feeling very unable to do anything.

And B, my kids needed something to do. And here in the house there was like a dark cloud. So being in the house was very difficult.  It triggered everybody. Everybody was acting out. It was just terrible. Once we got out of the house, it was perfect. Okay, so I don't know how to explain that, but you know, obviously there is a logical explanation. 

So I started going out every single day to a different friend and I was driving everywhere, meeting people I haven't met for a long time  you know, just like random people who are so sweet and invited us. So basically in the beginning of the summer, the thing that helped me survive is A, being aware of what was going on and isolating the problem. Then b, asking for help and finding solutions and see like taking action and actually going anytime I chickened out and did not go or changed my plan, I paid a price for it.

And I realize now that. I can't do that. I'm not allowed to chicken out. I need to just follow the program. If last night we said I was going to go somewhere, then I need to just go do it and whatever will be, will be. I went to the coolest people and the nicest people. I knew everyone, but some of them I only met once or twice other friends I knew very, very well from like, you know, 15 years ago and they moved away.

And then I went to visit them maybe for the first time or second time since they moved. So that was really fun and catching up, meeting the kids, seeing how they grew, just, you know, all the interactions. They were really, really fun.  And this took us into the nine days, which is a national morning period for all of the Jewish nation. So it was pretty good timing because I was feeling so morny anyway I don't know if morny is a word, but I was feeling down and everybody was sort of joining me.  No music, you know, sort of like feeling the heavy energy in the air.

Everybody was on board and it was very helpful in an ironic way. And so I was going to friends. Still visiting people, trying to pass the time, doing a little bit of art, doing a little bit of chatting. You know, the food was really helpful because I knew that I was taken care of and that was very, very loving.

It is definitely very helpful to be fed when you are in that situation. And then the nine days were over Tisha of was, you know, the day of the, the destruction of the temples. The first and second temple.  And it was a heavy, heavy day as it always is. But I think it was especially heavy. 

And it was interesting because I ended up watching one of the videos where my brother speaks. I think I watched the Aish one and it was really great and it was actually inspirational because I know him and I know this is the real him and I know he is not faking it. And it was very nice. And also hearing stories of other people and just sort of putting the puzzle pieces together and seeing how everybody is getting through it by focusing on the good, by being positive, by being respectful of their emotions and their stories, but also not letting it hijack their life.

So I think it was a very good  experience to watch. And at the end of that Tisha, Bev, which is the ninth of the month of aav the next day, everything just goes back to normal. And  I think God is really good to me,  my daughter. Had her bat mitzvah. She turned 12 four days before, but we didn't wanna celebrate during the morning period.

So my husband said we would celebrate right after Tisha Bav, which was the 10th of av. So we celebrated her bat mitzvah in the house and she had all these things she wanted and she was tapping me for two months. You have to do this and you have to do that, and you have to organize and you have to buy in, you have to da, da da.

And I was like, overwhelmed so much. Did not, not have the capacity to listen to her or do anything towards this party. And then suddenly in the last couple of days, realizing that we don't have much time, everything fell into place and good people came out of woodworks to sort of pull it together. We got a balloon.

Blower, like, you know, instead of having to blow them yourself, you just plug the balloon in and it goes. And that saved my life. So we borrowed that from my second cousin thank you. Amazing. Two of my friends came to help. One friend made the cake. Thank you. I love you.  It was just like, wow. And that was a healing experience for me because after two months of feeling alone and unsupported by the overall, you know, universe of support, like I'm watching every single person around me.

Getting the help and support they need. And I am sitting there like screaming for help, fighting, trying to get my kids help, trying to get myself help, trying to get like anything, any attention. Like, ah, we're suffering. We're like drowning. We're not doing well. And it was very, very hard for me to feel that feeling of invisibility.

And then suddenly for the bat mitzvah, seeing who actually came up and stepped up and helped, was really healing for me.  You know how they say like, oh, and, you know,  and, and happy, celebrations, right? Like when people come to visit you when you're morning, they say, I hope to see you when good things happen.

You know, when there's something good to celebrate. So here, there finally was something good to celebrate, which in the, you know, at the time I almost did like quote unquote, 'cause I didn't even think that the bat mitzvah was such a celebration. I was like, it's such a dinky little party in my house.

Nothing big is happening. No big deal. But obviously my daughter, this is her life and this is her bat mitzvah. For her. This was a big deal and also once I stepped up and was there for her and made sure that she would have the big deal, bat mitzvah that she wanted, then I also felt really healed from it because the support and the love that I got through it.

So I really, really appreciate that. So I think that was the turning point of my healing in the grief department  and. Right after that, we went away. A couple days later we got in the cars and went up to my sister's apartment where we took over her apartment 'cause she was not home. And for 10 days we lived in someone else's house.

And that was so cool. First of all, we were all together something that wasn't really happening until then because people were still like, you know, tying up loose ends and trying to like, make up time from the war. And you know, like the older ones were just sort of busy and suddenly everybody just sort of swoop came together and  survived all in one house.

That is, you know, smaller than we're used to. That is different than we're used to. That is in a building. So my younger kids were going up and down in the elevator, like, you know, thinking this was the coolest  experience of their lives. It was very funny. You know, here in this house, they don't have an elevator.

There's just a house and there it was an extra thing to play with. So that was really fun to watch. Overall it just shook us out and like aired out a lot of like the black  energy that was here. And we had a great time for 10 days. We were going to the beach. We were going to the,  which is, you know, the sea on the other side.

We were going to museums because it was a heat wave and we couldn't deal with the heat. Nobody could deal with the heat. It was a historic event. And so overall we just had a really good time making our own food, figuring things out, sort of just like getting by with a family of 10.  And then also my cousin not cousin, their cousin. 

My niece came for a week, so she joined us and that was really fun. So we ended up being a family of 11. But anyway, that was really exciting and I think that sort of like solidified the healing that happened from the bat mitzvah and now it just sort of like took us into a really good place and overall things were getting better and then we got home and there was a drop because everybody just sort of went into their,  you know, little corners again went into their emotional like armor again, went into, you know, we got back home, now we have to deal with home.

Home was a mess because we had no, the, the house was not a mess. It was left very nice and clean, but we had ants all over and I thought I was the only one when I went to therapy the next day. She said that they came home from their vacation and they had ants inside the water machine. Like, I don't know, the ants here do not look for sugar, and they're not looking for food.

They're looking for water. I, I don't know how to explain this, but like weird stuff. They're going through like, like the craziest places to squeeze into  all sorts of weird random.  Corners. Like the shower was full of ants. The kitchen was full of ants, but there was nothing on the kitchen to eat. So not sure what was going on, but apparently maybe it's the, oh, maybe it's that week of heat wave that forced all the ants to look for food or water.

Anyway so this makes so much sense actually, now that I talk about it, I'm like, wow, that's so cool.

  Hey, before we continue the episode, I want to ask you something. Are you ready to get answers from God directly, feel more in love with your husband and more supported than ever? Run the business of your dreams without having to sacrifice any other part of your life? That is exactly what my one-on-one private coaching is for, and I want to invite you, just you and me.

For a free deep dive discovery call, this is a 60 minute free call where I ask you lots of questions and we extract the three main things that are holding you back. I then put together a personalized plan for you where I create a roadmap of recommendations.  With practical steps,  the call is free and so valuable in itself.

So go book yours today. Now back to the show. 

 Great. So here we are. At the end of my rambling of where I am right now, I basically took a month off. To be with my family and my kids and heal. Before that I was working and I think it was really, really powerful to be able to work and  coheed each other.

So the clients that were coming to me with their issues found healing through the stuff I was going through, and I found healing by helping them. And that was really win-win for everyone. Anybody who is my client already knows that they have extra time with me because I don't want them to feel like they lost out on,  you know, me not being at my best. 

But on the other hand, they gained a ton from being behind the scenes and sort of was like being in this very special place together with me through this. So that was really beautiful. And that brings us to our topic.  Of recharge and specifically God.  And when we talk about recharge, what I wanna make really clear is that the opposite is drain.

And when you're feeling emotionally drained and exhausted,  and usually the exhaustion is a spiritual. Emotional exhaustion. It is also physical, but the physical is secondary. Like, if you had all the energy in the world, you still would feel exhausted, right? Like there's something really heavy in the emotional state of going from the  summer to September 1st when school starts.

Well, you know, wherever you live, school might start at different times. But, you know, just the season of, there's a new school year starting. Also the season of, oh my gosh, a new year is coming and I don't know what I'm doing with this period of getting ready for a new year. And just sort of like, you know, recalculating, recalibrating, figuring out what was this whole year, how do I change, what do I change, what do I focus on?

So there was a lot going on in that, you know, in that realm.  And I feel like this is a season when we all need to recharge. So I obviously wanna remind you that you don't need to be exhausted and drained in order to recharge. Just like if your phone is at 50% and you're looking at it going, Hmm, yeah, let's just stick it in for good measure.

Because it's nice to have a full battery and it doesn't mean you have to be like on the floor flat, like, you know, sort of splat. You can be standing in normal and everything's okay, but you just know you could use a little boost. Okay, so our topic is recharged and specifically in our connection with God. 

And that brings us to, so how do you recharge, number one, connect to God.  There's really obvious,  but also not  right? It is like, no, really what I need is to nap. I guarantee you that if napping is the only thing you do, you will feel recharged, but not to a place where you're like, yeah, woo-hoo. I'm all back to myself.

Because there's something physical. As I said, the physical is supporting the emotional, spiritual, but is not to replace it.  So how to recharge step one, connect to God. And  really that means prerequisite connect to yourself. If you know the calm method, which is the four steps to creating flow  I, I created it.

 Step one is connect to yourself,  and step two is. Bring got into it. The A is ask for abundance. Okay, so C, connect yourself a ask for abundance. Let me just fill you in so you don't get stuck there. L, listen for the answer. And m, master a higher level of consciousness. And this is what I teach all of my clients so that they know how to create flow in every part of their life, in every aspect.

It could be big things, it could be little things. It could be trying to figure out what to do today or this minute. It could be trying to figure out what to do in my life or next year. Okay? It doesn't matter. It is an amazing method that very quickly and very intuitively helps you get flow.

What flow looks like is knowing what to do, having an answer, having a direction, feeling confident, feeling held, all the good stuff, okay, not feeling choppy.  Just go  right like you're like starting something and not really sure, and questioning yourself and doubting, and da, da, da. No. That done. Okay. So that is what the calm method is for.

If you're interested in more details about the calm method, you can email me  or download any of my stuff. It's a great method.  So in order to connect to God, you need to connect to yourself  and every person is unique and therefore every person is going to have to find the things that help them connect to themselves.

And that means that you're going to be  sitting down with yourself and finding what helps me connect. So I'm gonna give you a couple of ideas of what works for me, but I also want you to know that it is completely unique to me. And it might work for you, but it might also not. And that is why it is really important for you to find your own.  So.  For me pausing,  breathing,  feeling the ground. Touching my fingers, just like bringing myself to my body.

Yoga, walking, exercising, aerobics,  anything that gets you moving and active takes you out of your head, out of the noise, out of up here and brings you down into a reality.  Gives you a little bit of space. Disconnect from your phone. I know they all tell you that, and I hate when people tell me that, but your phone is a distraction, is a way for your brain to not connect.

So. Take down your phone or put a timer for five minutes. My sister actually told me to put a timer for four minutes. She said four minutes is just enough time, but doesn't feel like a lot of time because it's under five minutes and it works. She's right. So the four minute freeze is a wonderful exercise.

Put a timer on your phone, four minutes and just pause,  freeze. Don't do anything.  Let your brain wander. And for a moment you're gonna be like, wait,  am I supposed to close my eyes? Am I supposed to move? Am I supposed to not move? Am I supposed to freeze? If I freeze, does that doesn't mean I can't talk. And so your brain is gonna try to play this game of like trying to figure out what we're doing, but then it's like,  we're here.

Let's just be. It's fine. You're safe. And it doesn't matter how many times you do it. The four minute freeze is always going to make your brain have this like, meltdown. And then towards the end of the four minutes, suddenly get this great idea or this like feeling of, oh, okay, we're good. So try it.

It works every time. Trust it. Don't give up. Don't look for the phone to see how long is left. Don't you know, panic, just trust it. You're allowed to breathe. You're not allowed to move. You're supposed to freeze. And then if you want extra credit,  as soon as the timer rings, turn off the timer. Don't go back to the phone.

Take your pen and paper and just start journaling. Doesn't matter what comes out, you are gonna have some ideas of, Hey, what are we doing? What are we eating? What's going on today? You know, a little bit of clarity, a little bit of like. Settling of all the noise. So this is a great exercise and I am gifting it to you.

Please go and do it is a great way to recharge. Why is this recharging? Because it's regrounding and as soon as you are connected, just like if you plug in, you start recharging automatically. So a lot of people are trying really hard to recharge by doing all the things that make them happy and fill them up and whatever.

It's really exhausting if you're trying hard. Like let it be.  Let it be easy. Let it come to you. You prepare the ground for.  The recharge, that's your job. Everything else will come naturally. Okay? So sometimes what I told you, I feel my feet, I put them on the ground, and I just feel the energy from the ground and my feet touching that is enough for me to feel safe for my, you know nervous system, to know that it's okay.

Everything's under control. And even though I have all the noise in my head and all the worries, and all the doubts and all the, the, you know, lists and lists and lists of things, at the end of the day, my body is  programming itself to be capable of handling. And my brain is recalculating how we can make this easy.

So don't get in the way. Don't try to force it. Don't try to do it.  Just allow it by connecting, okay? 

Communicate,  ask for help.  And awareness. Those are the three things I have on my list. And I don't know which one to talk about first because I think they're all so powerful. So communicate  your needs, communicate how you're feeling, communicate what's going on with you, because just being able to say I'm feeling alone was enough for me to not feel alone anymore  because I was able to tell someone about it.

Being able to say, I'm scared of something, the other person is now with you in this. Okay? So it doesn't matter who you find to tell, tell someone. And if you're not brave enough to say it, write it, text it,  you know, send me a text, say, Hey, I'm feeling this way and this is what's going on with me. I don't need you to respond.

I just wanted to let you know. Great. I'm still gonna probably respond 'cause I love you and it's just fun for me to hold that space for you.  But a lot of people are like that and a lot of people are going to be very gracious with their time and their energy to just be willing to listen  even if they can't help, even if they have nothing to do, even if  you are not their client.

Okay? So don't be afraid, speak up. It is really, really helpful. Not because then they'll do something about it, but more because you will  get it off your chest.  Now this brings awareness because you need a lot of awareness to be able to say what you're feeling.  And I want you to know that awareness is like 85% of the work.

Okay? So when you're feeling in a fuzz, when you're feeling, and like this jitters, when you're feeling down, when you're feeling dark, when you're feeling all over the place, all that good stuff.  Good stuff, eh,  you know, then  you are going  to feel much better when you could put a word to it, when you can put a phrase to it.

Even when you can draw it, you know, scribble it on the paper, take black, just like go all over the page or you know, take all the colors and mishmash them. 'cause by the way, what I did one of the days after the first,  I think it was after the first uh, funeral I took a big, big piece of paper and I just took all of my colors and I started doodling and drawing and just letting it intuitively go wherever.

And yes, it, in my opinion, it came out ugly because it was a lot of overlapping lines that didn't match and weren't saying anything. And, you know, there was like a line that was the timeline and how I was feeling. And first I felt down and then up and then down and then up and, and then there was a line that represented, you know, whatever my responsibilities.

And there was a line. So I just like kept like going with whatever was coming to me. Even though I thought, oh, it was ugly, I still kept it because I wanna look back and realize like, yeah, it's legit to feel this way and look how far I've come from feeling that way to feeling this way. So even though my prayer is that I am able to have.

You know, the happiness and the joy and that excitement that I so much want for my life. I don't wanna say I wanna get back to myself 'cause I don't think backwards is the way to go. I definitely want to reach a new level of happiness and joy and I'm looking forward to it. 'cause I know it's going to happen.

I'm already very close to, you know, certain levels of happiness and joy that I thought were lost when I was down in my darkness. And so I'm seeing that there's a lot of hope. I'm also seeing that it is very doable and I'm seeing that I don't have to force it and I can just allow it. So these are things I'm going to be you know, telling you also.

And the last one is ask for help, which was really difficult for me because I had to ask for a lot of help and get a lot of nos or a lot of like. Eh,  static noise, like we're not sure we can help you, but we'll look and see what we can do, blah, blah, blah. A lot of nice people who wish they can help but, you know, work within a certain parameter, and the parameter means you are not in the parameter.

And so there's like a lot of a lot of raising my hand and a lot of quote unquote rejections what felt to me like a rejection or an ignoring of sorts until I found the right help. Okay? So I want you to know that when you ask for help is not enough to ask. Once it is not enough to ask one person.

It's not enough to remind them or to run after a different thing. You need to get help and take responsibility for getting the help. Until it  gets there. Right? Until you get the goal. So you ask one person, they're not able to help you. You ask someone else, you ask someone how you know if somebody else can you just like go, go, go, go, go. 

Do not stop until you get the help you need. Okay? So also don't be afraid to go in all the directions asking for help in a lot of different directions, seeing what is actually helpful and then slowly refocusing it. So saying, thank you so much, but this isn't necessary anymore, or, thank you so much. I don't feel like that was something I.

You know, I need to continue doing or whatever. Really being able to focus the help once you get it and feel it out. So these are all things that are very good advice about anything in life. It does not have to do with this specific situation. You don't have to go through any, like, anything like this.

Please don't. I, I bless you all that you have very peaceful lives and that you do not need to experience this.  And I think that I had to experience this in order to get to the bottom of like really, really understanding these skills so that I can give them over to you and to the people who come to me.

It basically like, you know,  intense training so that I can serve in a  higher, better way. The last point I'm going to make is the intentional versus unintentional.  That is so obvious when looking at recharge and drain.  When you are being drained, you are reactive, very unintentional.

And it comes from a very subconscious place of this is what we need to do to survive. This was just what, you know, I need to do it all. I need it to be this way. I need, right? Like, there's this like automatic, this is how it needs to be.  That is unintentional. It is subconscious. It sits back there in the amygdala where it's just like fight, flight, freeze. 

And it's draining because when you're, you know, an encounter with a real danger fight flight or freeze is a really great response. But if you stay in that encounter for so long, your body can't sustain it. And that's what's draining. So intentionally allowing yourself to get out of that  fight flight or freeze reactive and be intentional about the way that you want to be, that you need to

experience right now. So as we said, connecting to God is a very intentional thing. Breathing as unintentional as it could be is also a very helpful way to become intentional. Pausing and grounding yourself and allowing your brain to recalibrate is a very good way to get intentional to sort of stop the line of unintentional and subconscious and just like wake it up, become conscious.

Okay. Becoming aware of what's going on behind the scenes is automatically going to take you from subconscious to conscious because you're now aware.  Obviously that's what we're talking about. And asking for help and being able to communicate your needs is a way for you to become intentional and to take action towards where you want to be and not towards where you are now.

Most people make decisions from where they are and that will just keep them where they are. Make decisions for where you want to be. I wanna be there and a person who's there does this, and I'm going to start doing this in order to get there. That is what I want you to start thinking.

Okay, this was a fascinating episode. I am really grateful that you're here with me all the way to the end. Please make sure that you stay in touch. I am now back in my full force. Very excited  to be catching up with everyone. I feel that human connections are very, very important for me right now because I am building up the muscle of, I am not alone.

And so if you feel like connecting and you know, sort of catching up, please send me an email. Let's schedule a connect call just to catch up. No strings attached. It is fun for me. Fun for you. And it's really the way that I want to spend the next three weeks until the holidays. So.  Let's go  with reconnecting and restarting fresh recharging.

So yeah, that is what recharges me is to be able to talk to you. So my call to action is send me an email or reply to any of my emails and get on my schedule so we can chat and see how you're doing, how I'm doing, sort of just like I'll give you whatever advice I get from talking to you totally free. Have a wonderful day. And enjoy the next three episodes, which are all about recharge, recharging your marriage, recharging your business, and recharging you. I am so excited because this month is actually really, really awesome.  Love you. 

And that's it! Thank you for listening to the very end. I would love if you can leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Those are things that tell the algorithm this is a good podcast and make sure to suggest it to others. Wouldn't it be amazing if more people became more connected for real?  And now take a moment and think of someone who might benefit from this episode. 

Can you share it with them?  I am Robinson Bat chen Grossman from  connectedforreal. com. Thank you so much for listening and don't forget you can be connected for real.