Conflict Resolution

And if you go to the other person, and I have found just in my personal experience of pastoring, that about 90% of the time, that if a person will go to the other person and talk to them about it, they can resolve between the 2 of them. Because usually it's just a misunderstanding. You know, like the situation with the mother-in-law, and she probably didn't have those intentions, but there was an appearance of that. And when you go to them and talk, then you realize, okay, that's really not what they meant.

Ladies and gents, welcome to Voices of Life, the podcast with topics related to the apostolic faith in the 21st century. Let's talk about what interests you here on Voices of Life.

Hello, and welcome back to Voices of Life. Today we have a special guest with us and we are so honored that he is here. It is Pastor Mark Maddox and he will introduce himself pretty soon. We like to talk about a topic called, yeah, Something like conflict resolution. We'll see how that goes. And we are so honored that He is here and that He took some time to be with us on Voices of Life. He just preached a wonderful sermon today in our worship service. It is Sunday, actually. We do this recording on Sunday, so right

after church. We feel honored and really appreciate that after preaching, you'll also take some time to do this recording with us. So without further ado, I would like you to introduce yourself to our audience, please.

It's a tremendous honor to be with you guys today. I feel a great chemistry with the group that we're working with today. And we just had a powerful church service. And again, it's just such an honor to be a part of this podcast today. As he mentioned, my name is Mark Maddox. I live in Augusta, Georgia in the United States of America, and I'm privileged to pastor First United Pentecostal Church of Augusta. And it's a wonderful church in Augusta. We're actually the oldest Pentecostal church in that area. We'll soon be celebrating 100 years. And so we're

excited to be a part of what God is doing. And 1 of the things that I'm just so excited about today is the fact that the Spirit of God is the same, whether you're in Germany, in the United States, and I've been to other parts of the world, and it's incredible to be able to have the presence of the Lord and to be with people of like-precious faith. I'm excited about the podcast today, and We're just looking forward to discussing things that would be able to help individuals to be able to navigate some of the things

that come our way in life. And so again, it's just wonderful to be with you today.

Well, once again, thank you for being with us. And we enjoyed the service today. He is not alone. He brought also a very good brother with him, Brother Kansenbach, and he was also ministering in our church today, praying for people, and he is, I would say, a tremendous teacher as well, right?

He is an absolutely wonderful teacher and does a lot of the teaching in our church.

I just mentioned him to have a teaser that maybe 1 day we'll do an episode with him, which we'd love to do.

You would be blessed if you had him. If you could get him out, he would be honored.

It would be a great job. That's what we do here usually when we have guests here, we try to get some more guests. I think so,

into the

podcast. Ask for referrals.

Yeah, ask for referrals, right. That's the way we do it. Well, like I mentioned already, we want to talk about a topic called conflict resolution. And before we really talk about it or go more into details, I would like to ask you if you would be so kind to just define conflict for us, what kind of conflict mainly we are talking about and how to resolve it.

Whenever we look in the Bible and the Word of God and kind of what this lesson is kind of wrapped around, Jesus was teaching 1 day and He talked about the fact that if a brother offends you, and He gave instructions of what to do. And there's another passage of Scripture that talks about the fact that offenses will come. And just because of the fact that God wired us all different, we all have different personalities, and some personalities kind of click together, some kind of, you know, they're abrasive to 1 another. Again, the Lord knew whenever

He created us, He would not make us all the same. And so, because of the fact that we are all different, okay, there's going to be the possibility for us to think about things different. And, you know, we see this in the Word of God, where you have the, you know, synoptic gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, and they all record things just a little bit different from a different perspective. And so, we all bring our own perspective to things. And so, because of the fact that we're all influenced different in our backgrounds, and we're all

influenced different in how God wired us, our genetics, our DNA, our physical makeup, how our brain chemically works. Because of all of those things, there's going to be times where we're going to see things different. And it may be because of the fact that we don't have all the information, and there's going to be times that we're going to have conflict where you're going to see things a little bit different than I see them. But again, the Word of God gives us some details on how to do that. And then, of course, there's just some practical

day-to-day applications that we can look at of how to do things that would help us to be able to get along and work together.

Amen. Yep. You guys want to add

anything? Sounds like a good... Sounds good. I think I can understand conflict the same way in being it between different people, like not an internal conflict in any way, just with yourself or with your own thoughts, but it is between a person and another brother or sister or your spouse or your friend. So it's outside of yourself, but you always have an influence on it.

Yeah, there are principles in God's Word that allows us to be able, again, to navigate through these times where we have conflict. And I'll just say this from the very onset, the enemy also knows that we're wired different, and sometimes he tries to use the fact that we are different to be able to divide us. And if we allow God's Word and the principles that we're going to talk about of God's Word today to come into our lives, and we put those in application, then it allows us to be able to, and again, the focus today

is not just on the conflict, but the focus is on the resolution to the conflict. And so that's what we're looking for. And we may talk about this a little bit more a little bit further on, But we always have to start with the premise of any conflict that we have or any time that we're offended by someone and something they may be sad or dead. We always have to come to the conclusion that there's always a resolution to the conflict And there's no problem that's too big, okay, that God can't solve it with His help,

with His Spirit.

Yeah, that's, I think, a very important part because if you leave too much space for the enemy, he can destroy that friendship or relationship or even, yeah, a church that matter, if you don't really find a resolution for it. So yeah, that's very important to find that.

We can always work together and we can always find resolutions, if we are willing to commit to that.

Yeah, and I would add to that, resolution doesn't always mean that you agree on 1 and the same thing. Because for example, 1 person might be a person that has an easy time to get up in the morning. So that person gets up every morning and feels like the most motivated and happy person on all earth and the other person just cannot get up or if that person gets up it's all grumpy and you know everything is like the tiniest things that happen can cause the person to like make a mean comment or whatever. And so

for example, if there's a conflict because of that, you will not be able to make both persons the same, you know, concerning that they both enjoy getting up in the morning suddenly. But you can find resolutions that help each other to accept differences and accept things that are not the same about each other's personality. Because like you said, we are wired differently and work with that instead of letting it cause division in between the 2.

Absolutely. Our scripture that we use to jump into this topic is Matthew 5.9. And the Bible says in this passage, and it's 1 of the Beatitudes, but it's called, blessed are the peacemakers. There's other translations of the Bible that say happy, okay, are the peacemakers. And it said, for they shall be called the children of God. And so there's something to be said for trying to find resolution and trying to find a peaceful solution to the conflict that happens. I had a blessing in that.

And for me, it says peacemaker, so it's not something that just happens by accident. It's not something that just, oh yeah, we have peace now, but you have to actually make it so you have to put work in it and do something for it in order for it there to be peace.

I think that's an extremely important point because many people just avoid the conflict, avoid to get their hands dirty, you know, and deal with things. And they just, you know, let it underground and they know there are disagreements and stuff and maybe hurt feelings in each other's heart, but they just don't deal with it. And actually, I think on your note, there was something about that. You called it escape responses because a response to conflict can be that you just like escape it. You just don't want to deal with it. So what were your thoughts on

this point when you wrote it down?

You know, if we look at, you know, what we've, you know, sent as an outline to kind of look at this topic, you know, we understand that conflict is a slippery slope and is something that for most people, it doesn't come natural, right? The natural response is to do 1 of these things that you've talked about. So there's several escape responses, and I would just like to hit on real quick and we'll have a discussion with them. But 1 of the things that, And again, there are some people just depending on their personality. You know, we

have, you know, what we call in America, the type A personalities. And these are people that are, you know, right there ready to handle it. Okay. They're ready to address the issue. Okay. And that there is 1 way, okay, to be able to deal with conflict. But we look at the fact that there are others that they want to deny that the conflict exists. So they pretend that the conflict doesn't exist, and again, it keeps them from having to address the conflict. And of course, you know, a lot of times people want to do something different

than what the Bible says to do. The Bible says, if your brother offends you, go to him. And a lot of people, that's the last thing they want to do is go to somebody that has offended them. Yeah. Okay. And so, you know, they try to, you know, do other things. And again, the first thing that I've mentioned in this list is denial. And then the other thing is to blame others. Okay. Blame other people from the problem, you know, act like it's everybody else's fault. And there are even some people that resort to covering up

the wrong. Of course, we saw that Adam and Eve in the garden, they wanted to cover it up. And we see that Adam blamed Eve. And I have a little joke that I tell with this, but the Bible says that Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent, and the serpent, he had to take the blame because he didn't have a leg to stand on. But anyway, sometimes we look at conflict of blaming others. And then the other thing is to, to run away from the problem. And, again, people with little less aggressive type personalities sometimes use

these techniques to try to do it. But the other thing would be to attack the other person. Okay. And, and if we do that, that is a, that's just as bad as denying it exists, putting them down, trying to get your team in your corner and you go around and you start talking about things and You gossip about the other person to the extent that you're kind of exaggerating maybe things that have went on and going on. And then, of course, we've all seen it happen in schoolyards and where people use physical force to try to,

And we try to think that adults wouldn't do this, but we know that sometimes adults do resort to physical fighting. And of course, the scripture is very clear, you know, that's not the way that conflict is resolved.

And there's 1 other thing, we have that in German. I don't know if that's actually an English phrase, but also using like deadly arguments where you're just like, oh, you never do this or you always behave like that. Where you as a person on the other side, all you can do is, well, always and never. That's, it's never that It's never, but it is never that. That is something, it's never true because a person is not always that way, but they right now in this conflict, they might behave that way or maybe they have more often,

but always is never on point.

I think what happens sometimes is when a person is offended by somebody and this conflict, this offense is not resolved yet, then another conflict may arise later on, then the person will say, you always do that because they only sense selective things, you know, They just see the bad side of the person, because they still have a grudge against them. There is still something that is not resolved. And so the good things that the person does, they don't realize it anymore, only the bad things. And I think personally that's also important to consider why we should

try to resolve conflicts as fast as possible. And when I say as fast as possible is, maybe Sometimes it depends what kind of offense happened. You may need 1 or 2 days to pray about it, you know, cool down your emotions and then talk about it. But you have to do it as fast as possible.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm going to do this example that I have from someone I know. So there that it's like a couple, so a girl and boyfriend. And the girl thought that the mother of the boy that she wants to separate them, you know, that she has something against her. And it was just a thought, maybe with bass, maybe without, rather without bass. And then when they came to the home of the boy, the mother was sitting them like 1 to the left, 1 to the right, so they were not sitting together. And because she

had that thought in her head, you know, oh, she wants to separate us. Because of that, she thought, aha, here you see, that's the confirmation. She really wants to separate us. And then it was, she was very angry the whole time. And only much, much later, it, this was resolved because it was a very bad atmosphere there at the table then. And the mother was asking, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong? And then she said, yeah, you want to separate us, but the mother didn't actually want to separate them too.

So just the action of putting them on different sides, force them to conclude that the mother wants to separate them.

Exactly. And so that's what you said. If there is something that you don't talk about, then you have a selective perception of things. You suddenly interpret things through that lens, even though they are not that way. And so it's extremely important that you communicate your feelings, that if you think, for example, here, that the mother wants to separate, that you express it and seek the conflict so that it can be resolved and doesn't just become destructive and more dividing.

We've talked about some of the ways that you do not handle conflict. So let's talk a little bit about how we do handle conflict. And Again, there's a lot of things that are don'ts. You don't do this. But I think it would be good just to focus just for a few moments on some of the things that we do. But the working out responses that we are going to look at, the first 1 would be to simply overlook an offense. And we call this giving person grace. And obviously, whenever it comes to our relationship with the

Lord, we want God to show us grace and mercy. And there are times that we need to show people grace and mercy in their lives. And, you know, as leaders in the church, especially, there are times where we have to overlook offenses. And we look at the fact, okay, you know, that'll be something that, you know, they're eventually going to figure out. And this may not be, you know, the appropriate time, you know, to try to, you know, deal, you know, with this offense that is there. And so we kind of make a decision to overlook

it. This happens a lot of times. Of course, I'm in a stage in my life where I have grandchildren. My children are grown and I have 5 awesome grandkids, but they, they stay with us a lot. And so there are times that I see things that they do that may be wrong. And of course, as a grandfather, I let them get away with it and would never have let my children get away with it. But there are times that just because of the fact that we know, okay, this is really not going to be a life

and death situation and this is not a heel that I'm willing to die on. And so we say, okay, I'm going to overlook this offense. Okay. And so we, we decide to forgive that person for that. And then of course, the other thing, and if it's a serious enough offense, then, you know, we do need to go and talk it out and resolve it. Okay. So going directly to the other person to resolve the disagreement. Again, this is not something that happens naturally, okay? This is something we have to be intentional about, and we have to

work on it, because it's not gonna happen if we don't put some effort into it. But to know that, okay, if it's something that I'm upset enough about to go and talk to somebody else about, I probably should go and talk to that person about that." And so again, that's the biblical principles, go to it. And then, of course, the Bible does give us this instruction, and here's what the Bible says about this. It says, if the brother will not hear you, Then he said, then go to the elders of the church. There are times that

we get help from, from other people. And so even maybe in a marriage situation, you would have times that you're like, okay, we have tried our best to resolve this conflict. We can't resolve it. It seems to be something that's insurmountable, and we can't come to a resolution of this. And so we go and we get a mediator. You know, we call it, you know, a counselor. And Sometimes that may be a pastor, but sometimes it may be a professional counselor that would be there to be able to help us be able to understand why the

conflict is there. And so there are times that we need other people to get involved. But that is step 2. A lot of times people want to go to step 2 before they complete step 1. And if you go to the other person, and I have found just in my personal experience of pastoring, that about 90% of the time, that if a person will go to the other person and talk to them about it, they can resolve between the 2 of them. Because usually it's just a misunderstanding. And you know, like situation, you know, with the

mother-in-law, and she probably didn't have those intentions, but you know, there was an appearance of that. And when you go to them and talk, then you realize, okay, you know, that's really not what they meant.

It's just important to also have that order in check because like I said, talking with someone first, and then after that you talk with the counselor with it because that order is really important Because before you just actually really go to the person, you go somewhere else, talk with someone else and do that, it just makes it a big, big case for no reason. And like I said before, that also makes room for the devil or for the enemy to come in and put, how you say, yeah, kind of enemies between each other. And you build

maybe even 2 groups because he said, well, I have, he done this and that to me. So if you're on my side, you be my friend and don't talk to that person for just, for example, or you go to that side. And so that's, like I said, that order is very important to keep in check. First talk to the person. If you can't resolve it, then you take a counselor, not just friends, actually someone who's really can really stand between both of them and can listen to both sides and be really fair to them, because that

also happens that you just take some a friend, say, oh, this is my friend, so let's talk about this. And the friend is, of course, on your side, mostly because he's your friend. So you most probably take a leader like a pastor or 1 of the church leaders to the side and actually talk to them with them. That's very important to keep in check.

Yeah, I would add to that, never talk to anyone for no reason. Like don't just gossip to any of your friends or try to form any groups or any of that. Like if it's something between you and someone else, go to that person. And if that doesn't work, go together to someone else, but don't make a story for everyone because it never brings out anything really, Never, apart from satisfying curiosity of people maybe.

I've observed in the past where you have somebody that didn't follow these steps. And so they went to their friend or someone else and they told them about this unresolved issue that they had without going to the person first. And then, you know, the other person is thinking that, you know, there's a really bad problem that is there and maybe eventually the other 2 people get it worked out and the friend has this, you know, negative information in their mind. And so, you know, it just creates a problem for them whenever they're trying to have a

relationship with the other person. So, let me go through and a lot of times we use these memory hooks, you know, of, but there's, there's things that we call the 5 A's of conflict resolution. And all of these things obviously start with an A, but admit what you did that you did that was wrong. And again, this is part of what you referred to a while ago as the being the maker of being intentional about this. Admit what you did and the part of the wrong that you had, whether it was a misunderstanding or something you

actually did wrong, whether you meant to or not, and that can include, you know, wrong desires and bad choices. And then the second 1 would be for apologizing, to apologize for how your choices affected the other person. And you may not intended for it to affect them that way, but if it affected them that way, then there's some burden of responsibility that is there. So you can say, hey, look, I'm sorry for how this made you feel, even though it was not my intentions for you to feel this way. I apologize for making you feel that

way because it was not intentional for me to do that. And so express genuine remorse and sorrow for the fact that you made that person feel that way. And then accept the consequences of your wrongdoing. That would be the third thing, without argument or excuses. And the fourth thing, of course, this is so biblical, ask for forgiveness. And then alter your choices in the future. That would be the fifth thing, to alter our future choices. And maybe the next time we would think about how that we could do things different. And I feel like that if

we could really learn to forgive other people that wrong us like we expect God to forgive us. And there was a parable that Jesus told, but he basically said, with the same measure that you meet, okay, are you scoop out and you forgive other people. He said, I'm going to use that same measurement whenever it comes time for me to forgive the wrongs that you have committed. And yeah, I've preached and talked about this before, but I don't use like a little tiny thimble to forgive other people and then expect God to use a 5 gallon

bucket to forgive me. But I want to be generous and forgiving other people and not holding things over their head that maybe they did that was wrong. I do have some thoughts about forgiveness. I know this is kind of the backside of our subject today, but I feel like this is something that is very, very important in our world today.

But I think before we go to forgiveness, which you said is very important, we'll do that for sure. You wanted to add something when we're talking about the 5 A's, right?

Yeah, just the first point what you mentioned that you should admit and include both wrong desires and bad choices. I think that is a point that is very hard for many people to actually put it on the point what they maybe even think they did wrong. Because sometimes people come and say, oh, I'm sorry. Well, for what Are you sorry? Oh yeah, just for everything. And I think that is so general. And like you said, I think that won't really satisfy or make the other person say, oh, okay, he really understands what happened here. Or it's

just, oh yeah, I feel that you don't feel good about it, but I don't know why and I don't really care about why, so I just say, oh yeah, I'm sorry for whatever. So I think the first point admitting, okay, what happened? What really happened? What was the bad choice I made or how did I offend you? I think That's a great start to really look into that and make yourself aware of what happened.

I think we get to look at also the fact, the Bible says that godly sorrow work with repentance. And there is a big difference between being sorry for something and repentance. You can have remorse for something you did, but repentance is basically change. That's the part that says, okay, I'm gonna change. I'm gonna alter my choices in the future. I'm not gonna do that same thing again in the future because I know how it made you feel. And so, again, repentance and sorrow, again, we do have to express sorrow and grief because that way people know

that we're sincere. And, you know, we've all probably had situations, you know, and even going back to my grandson, you know, there's times that you have to tell 1 of them to say they're sorry. And you know whenever they're really sorry or if they're just doing what you told them

to do.

Okay. And so there is a big difference in being sincere about something that you did to offend someone and just like going through the motions and, you know, following the step.

And you saying that an earlier Stephen saying about, you know, saying specifically, what did you do wrong? Reminds me of a concept that I heard, I think it's from Gary Chapnam, that's his name, I think, where he talks about different languages of apologizing. So if we are talking about apologizing...

You're talking about the author of the 5 languages.

Yes, yes. And he also authored a book, I think even called, I don't know, 4 or 5 languages of apologizing. 5. Okay. And so that's important that you understand that just because you say, I'm sorry, like the little children like Tasmanian just said, doesn't mean that the other person is able to accept that apology because maybe that person needs to hear specifically the wrongdoing that you did do so that he knows, okay, you know what you messed up And you will change it in future. Or maybe the person is a person that needs to, you know,

see that you understand how hurt their feelings were, that you understand, okay, I really hurt you here and there. And you are more on the emotional side of it apologizing there. So people have different expectations for an apology. And that's important that you consider it just because you say, I'm sorry, it might not be enough for that step and for the other person to be able to accept it really.

Yeah. So, So anyway, when there's a conflict and we try to resolve the conflict and we try to admit and all that thing, eventually the offended party should be able or should forgive. So Brother Maddox, maybe you would like to elaborate a little bit on forgiveness now, if that is okay with you.

And again, I feel like this is 1 of the most important concepts whenever we look at it from a biblical perspective of bringing people together in unity. And really, whenever it comes to the work of God, there's so much that needs to be done. We can't afford to allow the enemy to divide us. And so, we have to have forgiveness in our vocabulary and in our lives in order to be able to see good things happen. But let me just talk about a couple things about forgiveness. Okay, number 1, and sometimes we get this confused, but

forgiveness is not a feeling, but it is a choice.

Yep. Yep. That's true.

And its basis is in love, because love at its basis is a choice that we make. And we choose to love God, we choose to love people. But again, to kind of summarize some false ideals about forgiveness and then go into a few things that we are to do. But 1 of the first things, and again, the enemy of our soul uses this, and that is you need to feel like forgiving someone before you can actually forgive wrong, because forgiveness is a choice. It's a choice you make. And then the next thing I want to point

out is that forgiveness means forgetting about what somebody did to hurt you. And again, that's another false concept because it's been portrayed that if you really forgive somebody, you're going to forget about it. That's not always the case, okay? Because there are some things you have been hurt so deep, okay, that you would never... It'll be with you for the rest of your life. It's going to affect your life. But you can make a choice as to whether you want to forgive. The third thing I would say about forgiveness, and a lot of people think that

this is forgiveness, that it's excusing what the other person did that was wrong. Again, that's the furthest thing from the truth, because a person can do something, and really it's the thing that what they did is wrong, and God's going to judge them for the wrong that they did. But we as individuals, in order to be able to have peace in our lives, we have to forgive the other person. And again, it doesn't mean that that excuses what they did, because they can do something that was wrong and still forgive them. And then the last thing

I point out about false assumption forgiveness is that forgiveness depends on getting a guarantee that someone won't do the wrong again. Because Peter went to Jesus 1 time and he said, how often should my brother offend me, Okay? And then I forgive him. And he thought he was going to really go out on a limb. And he said, until 7 times? And the Lord spoke to him and said, No, Peter, you got it wrong. It's 70 times 7. And it's not just 490. Okay? And then you can go slug them. It's not that, okay? But again,

that means without in. It's just into perpetuity.

And those last 2 points, They were really profound for me when I read that in your notes, because that's how it feels oftentimes, that when you forgive somebody, that you let them off the hook, so to say, and it feels like, oh, now I don't have that against him in my hand anymore to get back to it or use it when the time has come or when He does something else that is not good. So I think that is really a great point that you don't excuse the sin, but even though it's wrong, you forgive it

and don't say, okay, it was good or right what you did, but it's, hey, I let go and I let you off the hook, so to say.

1 of the greatest biblical examples of that was Joseph. And again, as counselors, that's what we say, if you've truly forgiven someone in your heart, then when you have an opportunity to be able to get even with them or to punish that or the person, if you make a choice not to punish them, that means that you have truly forgiven them. And so Joseph, whenever he came to the point that He could have basically done anything to his brothers. He could have let that bitterness build up for all those years and then destroyed him. And of

course, it would have affected the plan of God, you know, for God's people. But he chose to let them go and he forgave them when he could have punished them. Again, that is 1 of the litmus tests that we use, okay, as to if we've truly forgiven someone.

Amen. Right. Okay. I'd say we go on, because forgiveness is a very important topic, and you wrote also down that it has some promises, maybe you would like to go on with it. We do have some time. That's no problem.

Of course, these are the promises of forgiveness. I promise I will not dwell on what you did wrong. I will think good thoughts about you and do good to you." Again, this goes back to the story of Joseph whenever he had an opportunity to be able to get even and to punish them worse than what they did to him. Again, he let it go. He did good for that. And matter of fact, Jesus tells us that we are to return good for evil as part of being Christ-like. And then He said, I promise I will not

bring up the situation and use it against you. Now that is tough. That is tough. And again, in a miracle situation, and sometimes we use this in that context, but, you know, a lot of times, you know, you've been married to someone for a long time, you've had, you know, things that you've resolved in conflicts, And if you keep bringing it up again, again, it's really not a fair thing, and it could create animosity in the long run. If you keep bringing up a situation that has been truly repented of and forgiven, we just have to

make sure that we let things go. Okay? There's a right time to be able to do that. And then the third thing would be, I promise I will not talk to others about what you did. And this is especially relevant in churches with people working together, as well as in marriages. And sometimes in domestic situations, you have a couple that has already resolved their conflict but because of the fact that during the conflict, they went and shared things about the other person, okay? During that period of time, again, it tainted their image and basically they're hurting

themselves, especially in the marriage context. They're hurting themselves because of saying something negative concerning their spouse. So again, that's something that is so biblical, the fact that we would not hold it over their head or bring it back up again. And then the last thing I'll mention is that I promise I'm going to be friends with you again. I promise that we're going to live in harmony. We're going to have relationships in the future. And again, that is so important, especially when it comes to working in the kingdom of God. Because again, what the enemy wants

to do is cause us to be so divided and so conflicted over things. And we've heard the phrase, turning a mountain into a molehill. And whenever that happens, we get into a situation where we can't work with the other person. And again, the enemy is 1 in that situation. But if we can forgive someone, resolve the conflict, and then choose to work together and be friends with that person, I have found in my life that there's some people that I'm not gonna be their best friend. But I'm gonna be cordial to them and I'm gonna show

the love of Jesus Christ to them. And if I'm in a situation where I need to work with them, I'm gonna be able to work with them because again, I'm going to stand pure in my heart because I know that I have forgiven them and we've resolved that conflict. Hugo?

Yeah, I'm glad you elaborated more on that because when I read that, the first line, I just wrote in my notes, I'm like, I can't agree with that. That you ought to be friends with them again. But like you explained it now, it made it more understandable for me. I can agree with that to not have that conflict like in the realm still and not being able to work with the people, not being able to love them in any way. But like you said, you don't have to be best friends with them, go out with them

every night and just have fun and do all kinds of stuff, but just be able to work with them still, even though whatever happened, because that will further the kingdom of God, because if that's not there, there won't be unity.

And I know this word has been abused, but the word is tolerance. We have to have tolerance for 1 another, and especially whenever it comes to the work of God and the kingdom of God. I have saw people that, you know, when they first got to know each other, they fought, you know, and they had a lot of arguments, conflict. But then whenever they really got to know each other, then they, you know, they realized they had more to work together with than the, you know, parent conflicts that was there. And so in the long run,

they became good friends. It can happen.

I mean, so sometimes there's a conflict and sometimes the conflict may have caused trust issues as well. So I think it is when you try to resolve that kind of conflict and you forgive, then you have to also work on it, I think, to regain the trust somehow. But the 1 that is the offender also, in my opinion, needs to understand that it might take some time till this trust is established or back established like it used to be. And the 1 that is offended also needs to work on that relationship again, especially now when they

are married, of course. Or in some other situations where we have to work together. I think that is also important. But forgiveness is key to it. And I think forgiveness does more to yourself usually than to the 1 that did the wrong thing.

That's right.

And it's also always important to have a third person or a third party with us, and that's also our God who can also provide us with, if we're still hurting, that we can find some comfort into the hurt or for the other person to really give the discipline to really work on whatever the person has problems with. So it's also very important to also put the Lord in our midst as well in our conflicts. So yeah, and I mean also back to the points we said about, I'm going to be your friend again. We don't have

to be friends, but we need to work together. I heard someone say that heaven has this wall, but in the midst, it doesn't have walls in between. So, If we want to go up, we need to forgive each other, because if we don't forgive each other, we're not going up. And there won't be a wall between my brother and I. So I need to work on forgiving him, or at least work on having a decent relationship, a respectful relationship, that we can work together for the kingdom and for the works that He has provided for us.

So, yeah, that's what I wanted to say.

Whenever we think about people that we don't get along with, just remember that we're going to be in heaven together for a

long time. Exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

A very long time.

Yeah. We need to learn to resolve some things down here on this earth.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. And I think that's the will of God. If you guys don't mind and we don't have anything to add to it, I would like to say thank you so much, Bruno Maddox, for taking out the time to talk about this very important topic. And I don't know, I think we could have talked a lot more about it.

Definitely.

Usually that is the case, but we don't want to go too long with our episodes. So thank you very much for taking out the time to be here. And we really were blessed and we hope that you as our listeners, that you were also blessed by it. So, and if that is the case, just write us a comment, subscribe to our channel, share this episode with your friends and we hope we also were able to inspire you to do the right thing. If you are in a conflict, go into prayer, Learn how to forgive, God will

help you. And well, I think that's about it. We are looking forward to having you back on the show next time. So God bless you. Till next time. Until next time.

Goodbye. God bless.