Sex Is Not the Problem

Yeah, and it's very important to actually sit down and analyze or reflect those things, because you're not gonna win this fight if you just do the same thing every time, like repent, feel bad and say I'm gonna do it better this time and then You won't, you know? Like you actually need to understand, oh, what am I listening to? You know, it's music that is stirring up lust in me or that has lustful contents. I mean, hopefully as a mature Christian, you don't listen at all to, you know, worldly and sinful kind of music.

Ladies and gents welcome to Voices of Life, the podcast with topics related to the apostolic faith in the 21st century. Let's talk about what interests you here on Voices of Life.

Hello and welcome back to Voices of Life. Today we got another interesting episode and the topic is gonna be about something that is, I would say, quite popular theme in the world outside. You see it on advertisement posters, inside of new movies people sing about it, people talk about it and that topic is sexuality. Yes, it's a topic that from my perspective is not so often talked about inside church or in church circles. And that's exactly why we thought it's important that we will make an episode where we will talk some things about that topic from

biblical perspective and how God sees it, because we got enough input from the world, so to say. But we want some contrast and bring from the other side, from the side of the Lord, some material about the topic. And to start off, I would like to ask all of you, how was it in your youth, in your experience, How did people talk to you about that topic? Your parents or people inside of church, did they talk to you? If yes, what?

Well, unfortunately, in my case or my situation, it wasn't really talked about in our household. We were keeping it as low as possible about information. But I've heard of things, of words from schoolmates or friends. And I got the idea to see look it up on the internet and while I was looking it up you know you stumble into things videos and other things and my dad saw a search search history thank you a search history over these things and then he took me to the side or took me to his room and he actually then

talked about it as soon as it was too late for me, I could say, because of course he warned me about it. It's like, oh, that's not really good for you. It's good for the marriage, not for before. And so you shouldn't look at it but I still after that found ways to get to get to the material you could say so yeah but other than that was not really talked about in my household.

It was the same with me that well my mom didn't see or find out anything at least she didn't tell me. Maybe she did, I don't know. But we never had that talk like where she just sat down with me and we conversed about the situation and how it all works, so to say. So yeah, I only had that going forward, okay, learning by myself, so to say, and getting deeper and deeper into that stuff and like you stumbling into it more, so to say, and oh, this is that and oh, this is interesting too. And

it's just that excitement and That interest, it just sparks in you when you get into that for the first time.

Yeah, when it comes to my youth, it was a little different because I could not do any research on Google or internet. Because at that time there was no Google around. And so that dates me, I do understand that. But we had magazines. And it first started actually with very... Innocent? So innocent things, yeah, thank you. Like just an ordering catalog. And there I saw ladies, the lingerie, and their bikinis and all that stuff. And so after a while, I became more interested in those sections of the catalog. And then later on, we had different, I

had access somehow to different magazines, not in our house, in our household, but you know, you sometimes visit friends or you visit grandparents or others that you may stumble into things like that. And so then there was some kind of curiosity. And that's why you do it. Because when you are in school and they teach you about sexuality, it is just biology. And that's it. It is very, there's no feeling, there's nothing to it. It's just explained, you know, how the organs look like with the male and the female, how they get together and stuff like

that. So yeah, of course, as a young kid or youth, you still, you know, laugh about it. Hey, funny, funny, you know, little kids. But then things come to your mind, you wonder how does it feel. And then other kids or other students tell you stories, you never know if they are true or not true, but they tell you a story and you get, you start to fantasize about it. Then in our house we really didn't talk about it. It was uncomfortable the topic and I think it was also uncomfortable for my parents to talk about

it And so we really did not have the so-called talk. We did not. At least I can't remember we had it. I don't know. So I think they believe that he will find it out Eventually. Yes, I did. But it would have helped me. And I think also today, it would help people or young students to be informed ahead of time before they really stumble into it. Because the devil makes it very attractive. It makes it very cool and makes it normal and everybody has to do it and you have to do it as well. If

you are not joining in with all of this sex talk and whatever, then you are just strange, something's wrong with you, even though it's not the case that something is wrong with you. You just try to stay the way God wants you to stay holy. Yeah, okay. I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to say, I think it also gets attractive because of what you, Stephen, said earlier and you also mentioned it, like, interest sparks up, you said, because it's something like secret, something hidden, something that is not talked about. And so you are curious. And that's a big problem that wouldn't be there if people talked about it and said, hey, clearly this is that and that's how it is. And this is for marriage and you should not touch it. You should be very careful to never go there because you might get hooked up and it's

difficult to get out again and things like that. It would actually help you and take away that thing that makes it even more interesting for you because it's something forbidden or not talked about. And now you're sorry, Steven.

It's okay. It's all right. I almost forgot what I wanted to say. I think also the talk is about how it all works. I think that goes into the same direction of what schools do, but I think the talk... I don't know how the talk really goes. I never

had that,

so I don't know. But I imagine it just being about the sexual part of it, but not the part... Technical? No, sorry.

The technical

part? Interesting. Yeah, that's what they taught you in school. Oh, I did not

mean it that way.

The mechanics, how it works.

Okay, got it.

I meant like what pastor said, what they teach you in school. Oh my goodness.

No, but I'm talking about like this, what you also mentioned a little bit, like getting hooked to it to not sex in itself, but all that comes with it, like pornography or the magazines or whatever you see I Think that's that's the talk at least for me now where I think that would be helpful I think how it works. I

think everybody knows

yeah, they get that.

Yeah, I

mean they That I mean they talk about in school probably and talk about that, but not about, okay, what happens after it? What is the problem with it? I think this is also something maybe parents are afraid of that. They're afraid, okay, maybe they didn't have it that way. Maybe they didn't grow up in church. And so they're like, well, yeah, we did it. How can I explain my child? Well, don't do it and stay away from that. And really put that into words and explain to them, hey, this is what God wants, this is how

it ought to be. And maybe they're afraid that they'll, well, how did you do it? And maybe parents are like, yeah, well, I didn't do it, but you should. Maybe That's also a fear that you face as a parent.

Well, I think, especially for me and for Pastor Sasha, our parents, they didn't really have that availability when they were younger. I mean, Brother Sasha also didn't really have it as I had it, I would say. But I can imagine that, like, for my parents, they didn't really know, knew what was going on back then as soon as as soon as so my dad saw the search history then he realized oh wait a minute he actually has access to it and and then of course like I said, he explained and warned me, of course, but then

it was already, I would not say, yeah, well, it was too late, you could say. And I think, if I think about it now, when my kids are going to that certain age because before I would say, oh, I would never probably talk about because it'd be uncomfortable for me. But because when I went through because of it now urge myself when they come to that certain age, I don't know what age yet we'll see then. But I want to warn them from that, because that is a tool that the devil uses to destroy not only

you, but your spiritual walk with God, also your ministries, what you have in the future.

And maybe your future sexuality. Your future

sexuality. Exactly.

And having the right relationship.

Yeah, and stuff like that. So now when I think about it, in the future, I want to really warn my children from it. I think back then, well, that's my opinion, back then it wasn't really afterthought because maybe in a different way It attacked them in some kind of way but not as it does attack now like with internet and like we said in movies We can see it in like in every second movie You can see some type of sexuality if it's a romance is if it's a thriller it could be an action movie. You

still see some type of sexual thing, even though it's for 12 years old or 16 years old. And That's why I think that wasn't a big thing back then.

And it's shown much more. Yeah, definitely. In movies before, there were scenes like that, but there were only hints to it. That everybody knew, okay, this is going on now. But today, I mean, it's blatantly open. Well, here, that's even what the movie is about sometimes. And not movies like pornography, but just regular movies that play somewhere in movie theaters that are blatantly, that's what the movie is

about. I mean, even in advertisement, it shows hints. Or I mean, you even have like, well, it's not even about models or anything but just like about condoms and then I mean like stuff like that you get to ideas much more than back then so yeah it's a bigger issue now

Back to the movies I think that's why it's extremely important that we consciously choose what kind of movies we watch and not. I have a book here in front of me, it's called Sex is not the Problem, Lust is. I can recommend it, I read most of it and it's a nice book. It's from Joshua Harris, if you care, if you actually want to read it. And in there it also talks about movies and it says, it doesn't help if you feel bad while you're watching the movie Or you think, oh, that's so stupid, why is

it in there? Or you skip over it. And he said, it's like thinking if you eat a calorie, but you regret it, that it won't make you fat. So it doesn't matter how you feel about it. If you consume it, it's going to have its impact on you. You will see it and so you should not watch everything. Because the things that you are watching are the things that Christ came and died for at the cross, so that you could be free of that sin. And now you are there and you're just like, yeah, consuming that

and celebrating that or like, that's pretty much almost like mocking God or what he did. It's certainly not respecting him, but the opposite. So very important that you don't just watch everything because like you can and you also cannot trust the age rating anymore. I can tell you that from experience like like movies for 12 year olds they can have all kind of everything ungodly stuff that you don't want you or your children to see so you have to take different standards than the age recommendation when you choose your movies if you want to watch something

sometime.

Yeah, I think we live in a society where all of these immoral things is just right in everybody's face. And it's really hard to keep yourself from it because it is forced on you. Of course, you can avoid looking at sex movie or whatever, yes, but sometimes advertisement outside, we are living in Europe and so on, it's just right in your face, thanks. And you really have to look the other way because it's presented to you. Everybody talks about it. And that's the thing, like I said, in my youth, in our circles, we hardly talked about

it. But in school and everywhere else, it was constantly talked about. And so we were curious, and I think people today are curious. And I think parents should not be afraid to talk about the topics, even though they may not know everything, and even though some of the questions might be shocking at first, but then if you just say don't talk about it and you forbid it, it just creates the opposite action and the kid will look at it more and find out more about it. I was just thinking in some families, just imagine a little

girl would come over because she heard it somewhere in school and would just ask her mom maybe or her dad, dad what is a blowjob? Bum bum bum bum. Everybody would be shocked. And of course I understand that we would be shocked and we would say well don't say that, don't do that but you just don't, don't do that of course, but don't say it, you know, and I'm sorry. And we forbid it, but we should not stop there. We should try to

explain

what is it about, so that they understand why we say it's not good. It's not good to do. And there's things that are, that is just worldly and things that when it comes to sexuality that we do it when we are married, but we are not, you know, doing things like that when we are not married at all and we don't look at those things and listen to it, whatever, and so on. But we need to explain it more to them. And I think sometimes parents would be very afraid to do so because they are shocked,

they're embarrassed, you know, for whatever.

I think it's interesting what you said that in the world, peer groups and friends, they talk about it so openly, but when I think about my youth group as well, we never, like of course not with girls and boys, make that, of course not, but just boys among themselves, just talking about it and sharing, hey, there's something going on with me. Because even in this group, in this protected group, so to say, even friends, I can remember really talking with a friend about it and opening up myself because there was always this fear, okay, what do

they think about me? I'm the only 1. Nobody else is struggling with it. I think that's also a lie that is told often. Oh, no, you're the only 1 that has that problem as a Christian, and this isolation is what gets you deeper into that thing, because, oh, well, okay, I'm all by myself, cannot talk to anybody, and just go into that spiral where it just goes downward and downward and downward and not opening it up and not saying, oh, I'll make it by myself somehow someday.

Sometimes I have the feeling that some Christians that have been with the Lord so, so many years, that it is hard for them just to imagine that things like that could be a problem in our churches today. Because, you know, it's so filthy and we don't have that. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it. So that's why we don't have it here. But that is an issue. If you teach on pornography, how to avoid it, how to overcome it, things like that, there are so many people affected. Of course they would

not jump up to the chairs and say, well, that's me. Yes, talk, talk, preach, brother, preach. Tell me more about it. I need to know it. Nobody will do it. And everybody feels a little, you know, ashamed or caught, actually. And so it is a problem. But if it stays in the dark, then it grows because it grows in darkness. Yes, right. It gets worse.

Yeah. And since you said that, in every youth camp I can imagine, that was a subject that was preached or talked about, and it always had an impact. Not just on me, but on so many people, because all those where we prayed then, it was full. People crying, people weeping, people repenting, because that conviction was there. But then after that conviction, when you go home again, then an act, like you said, has to happen. We said it before, it has to be a conscious decision. Because just by 1 prayer or 1 time, 1 preaching, it won't

change your whole life magically, but you'll have to work on it. Day by day, it's a fight, but it is possible. It is possible to overcome. It is possible to win it, but not by yourself, Because there's a standard that God said, and he said it in Ephesians 5 and 3, and it says that there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality. So that's something that we as humans can never achieve. Out of our own strength, it's impossible. And I think that's also a lie that many people believe that it's out of your own

strength to get out of it. That you have to try it yourself and make it yourself, and you can do it, but it's never yourself, but it's through God's strength by trusting in Him and not in your own strength that there is a possibility to overcome.

Of course, you have to decide it, that you don't want to do it anymore. It has to be your decision and your will, of course, and the God can give you the strength to get out of it, of course. And while you said that, Ephesians 5.3, about the hint of sexuality, Just a little test for our listeners. If somebody would just take your smartphone out of your hands and we have access to everything on your smartphone and we would just open apps like Instagram or other apps, we would check what is on there and what is

on your suggestion page, I guess it's called. And we only, for boys let's say, and we only would see the majority of pictures from girls in bikinis and stuff like that. Not just every once in a while that the girl pops up, but I'm talking about most of it, that is a hint of immorality. And that should not be among us. So that's how serious it is. And it says also in 1 Corinthians 6, 18, and then it goes on to that we are the temple of God, but in 18 it says, flee from sexual immorality,

and so on and it goes on. And here we see we have to flee, we have to do sometimes extreme to measurement, I think we have to, or extreme actions actually, to get away from it and get rid of it and and sometimes and most of the time we may also need help if we if we are really into it

And I think it's interesting that Paul even writes that as well to Timothy. And I mean, Timothy, he was a preacher, he was a leader in not just 1 church, but he sent him to this church and that church and he worked with him. He worked with Paul and he was a trustee of Paul. And even to him he says in 2 Timothy 2 22, flee also youthful lusts. So he admonishes him, his protege so to say, hey, even you take care of that. Be careful that you watch out, that you flee. I think flee is

such a big word. It's not just, oh yeah, just take care of it, you know, stay away from it, but flee. It's almost like run.

Run for your life.

Run, because sometimes that's... Basically, that's it, you run

for your life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And so I think that's so interesting that he... That it's not just, you know, that little Christian, so to say, that has to watch out for it. But no matter where you are, what you do, it's always that you have to watch out for it and be careful about what you see and what you listen to. Because like you said, that's where it starts. Listening or what do you listen to? What do you look at? What do you hear? What are your friends talking about? The friends group that you're

mostly with? All these things can lead to feeding that sin, feeding that addiction and not getting away from it.

Yeah

and it's very important to actually sit down and analyze or reflect those things because you're not gonna win this fight if you just do the same thing every time. Like repent, feel bad and say I'm gonna do it better this time and then you won't, you know? Like you actually need to understand, oh, what am I listening to? You know, it's music that is staring up lust in me or that has lustful contents. I mean, hopefully as a mature Christian, you don't listen at all to, you know, worldly and sinful kind of music. And watch those

music videos. Exactly, that's the next thing.

I mean, but yeah, sorry, you go

first.

I wasn't finished. Everybody means just talk now.

That was horrible. Sorry to our listeners. Happens sometimes.

I mean too. Okay,

so you gotta see what are my triggers. If it happened, well, ask yourself why did it happen now? What was it? And then avoid it next time, set those boundaries so that if you overstep that boundary, you're not already into the sin, but maybe close, but like set the boundaries so that you don't do it again hopefully and get a person in your life that you talk to about this you know about this struggle like don't be ashamed about it

all

of us are sinners and if anyone pretends that he or she is perfect, then that's just

a big lie. Big lie,

yeah. We are made perfect only by the grace of God and all of us need His

grace. And

so don't be ashamed to open up to someone trustworthy, not just anyone and not someone from the opposite sex. That's not gonna be good. But if you have a pastor or a youth pastor, youth leader, then you can maybe talk to them about it. Yeah, so that's important that you actually take your hands and get active about it, practical. That's what I want to say, get practical about it. Because you can do it. That's what Stephen said. And I got a scripture verse that also encourages us about it. It's found in Thessalonians. Thank you.

Which 1?

First, second? Yeah, first Thessalonians, 4326. In his Bible it's the third. What? In my church? No, it's first. Did I say third? No. You said third. They are teasing me. They are mean. You are the witnesses, all of you. Okay. So I don't know what version it is. It's a modern 1, but it's okay. We will understand what it says Hopefully it is God's will that you should be sanctified that you should avoid sexual immorality That each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable not in passionate

lust like the heathen who do not know God, and that in this matter no 1 should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish man for all such sins as we have already told you and warned you." So it tells you that we have to learn it. And that's also what I meant about getting practical, you know, it's going to be a process, but we have to learn it. And also important, it's not going to be all the practical measures that will set you free, It's going to be God and His Spirit.

So the first priority should be that you build up your prayer life, that you get spiritual, that He is actually the God of your heart and of your life, not just on Sundays but throughout the week. And this is going to be, at least from my experience, the most important thing, more important than all the practical tools yeah so much to that I just wanted to share it

oh me

oh yeah you wanted to say something yeah but

he went he went

like we say in Germany, the train has moved on.

Very far so. I just wanted to say to the trigger points, it doesn't have to be a video or it can only be also what time you stay awake. So if you're by yourself at 3 or 3 a.m. Stuff, ideas pop in your head at night. And so that's actually, that's all I actually wanted to say to be honest. But yeah, you have to see where you're at when you're alone, especially when you're alone by yourself at home, or even also when you're somewhere outside of your home and who's around you and stuff like that. So

yeah, it doesn't always have to be sinful video or sinful song or something. It can be also a little things. That's what I just wanted to say.

We also need to understand in my opinion that God has made us the way he has made us. He has made us with feelings and 1 feeling may be a feeling of lust. Another feeling might be a feeling of anger. But now we talk a lot about how to control these types of feeling when it comes to anger. We know when somebody is angering me or is offending me and I am full of anger, I know I can't just go there and live it out and punch him in his face. But the same applies to lust.

When those things come up, we need to learn how to deal with it so that we are not living it out. So that the sexual things that we only practice them in God's appointed thing, which is the marriage, and nowhere else. But we have to learn how to get rid of that thing, how to manage lustful thoughts and how to block them and how to keep them away or if they arise how to really deal with them so that we are not living it out.

Definitely.

Yeah, because actually if you... Oh, sorry. And Pastor shared recently with us a verse that's in Hebrews, now actually in Hebrews. And that is that we should keep the marriage bed holy, something like that. I don't know how it does it say the exact words.

It's in Hebrews 13 verse 4. I got the ESV. I'm sorry, it's not the King James right now. And it says, let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Yes, and that's the thing. Like, there is such a thing as holy sex, You know, like sexuality in itself isn't impure, isn't a sin. In the marriage, the marriage bed is sanctified. It's a holy thing. It's a wonderful thing that He put in place. And you got to, if you then just do your lustful things, you are disrespecting that holy thing that God has created. You are rebelling against him and his plan and that's why you cannot do it. You don't want to be in that place where you stamp upon and make dirty the things that

God has created and meant to be wonderful and holy.

And if you go against God's plan, which is having sex in the context of marriage, and you do it outside of marriage, then it has consequences. Not just physical consequences like HIV or whatever, but it also has emotional consequences and other things that comes with it because it is not done the right way in the right setting and not according to the will of God. And if you want to have sex, you need to be married. But don't just marry because you want to have sex. Which would be the wrong motive for asking a lady or

a man, will you marry me?

It's actually asking, will you have sex with me?

More likely.

And not sin.

Yeah. And after that, pleasure meant you don't want to do, nothing have to do with that person. So yeah, that.

Yeah, because the issue was lost.

Yeah, that was only that was dealt

with. Yeah.

You cannot marry someone just because you find them appealing, attractive, like from the outside. You got to find that whole person attractive.

Yeah, from

inside out.

Yeah. And I myself, I married early, So I'm certainly not against it. I'm not saying it's actually I think if it can happen, then it's a good thing. But it should only happen if there are 2 people that are mature enough for it. And that actually know that they are certain about this and know each other well enough, you know, and got themselves under control. And it's not the main motivation, you know, that you want to make out that you want to sleep together, because that's gonna get you in a lot of trouble because this is

a commitment for life. And you're gonna be stuck.

If you do it right, you're gonna be stuck. If you want to do it right. Some people don't do it right and you just

leave. Oh, marriage sounds

so bad right now.

You're gonna be stuck forever. You are imprisoned forever. Every morning you wake up beside the same person and whatever.

You can see that way you imprison that person for yourself. She can't leave you anymore.

Now That was just gross.

That is also very strange.

Okay, I didn't mean it that way. I tried it. Mine. It was supposed to be...

Mine and mine only.

I think we were talking about each other's voices. Sorry if we did. I just wanted to say I meant it in a romantic sense, you know, that like I won't let go and I secured her.

Even that was, in my opinion, that's even cringe. But yeah, you go. You go. You be the romantic. Yeah,

but even if it happened before marriage now, I think that's also not a reason to get married necessarily. I mean, of course, talk to your... Like when you had sex before marriage or when you made out or whatever, then it's not necessarily, okay, you had sex, now you have to get married.

Oh, to that person.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, talk to your pastor about that. Please talk to a pastor about it.

Before you get married. Yeah, please start.

Even if that happens, because we had about it, be honest about it, because that is important, because otherwise you'll be imprisoned in that situation for the rest of your life, maybe. And it's so important to be open about that, even if it happened. That's also, like you said, encouragement. Be open about it, don't be afraid and don't... You can be ashamed because it's okay, but don't be held captive by that shame. Because I think it's also something that God gives to be ashamed about it and the reaction that is normal for a Christian and that's also

kind of God's grace if you still feel ashamed about it. Because if you join the ranks of maybe people in the world, but it's just like, oh yeah, I had sex with this girl, I slept with her, oh yeah, I touched her. And you're getting proud about it or not convicted about it anymore, then maybe the grace of God has already left. So if you feel ashamed or afraid, hey, oh, I don't want to talk about it, I feel bad about it, then that's still God drawing you and saying, hey, there is still a chance for

you. There is still hope for you. It's still time of grace, but there's time to do something and not just to sit it out and like, oh, well, it's time of grace. I'll just do it until God comes back in maybe a year, then I'll get right, but do it now, do it today.

Do it today, exactly. That's important because you never know when He comes back and that's also a reality

that

we have to live in because no 1 knows today or our and I don't think you want to be that person who thinks, oh, we have 1, 2 or 3 years left and then he comes back tomorrow and you didn't talk about it and we're not prepared for it. Yeah.

So yeah. There's just 1

little disclaimer I'd

like to do again every once in a while. I may do it in our episodes. Everything that we discuss here is our opinion. And also the advices that we give, we feel those advices are good advices. But nevertheless, if your pastor is saying something else to you, something different to you than what we say here or what we feel right, then always keep in mind your pastor is right for you, for your life. Because God has placed you under his authority. And so when he says something different or he had said already something different than we

say here, you be obedient to your pastor, of course.

That's right.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. So we had the disclaimer. I think we also talked about quite a lot, unless any of you wants to talk about 1 last topic or have some brilliant idea that he still wants to share or something. No, we are under pressure. Some brilliant ideas. Now it's happening.

It has to be brilliant.

Disclaimer again.

It doesn't need to be completely brilliant, but maybe something worth listening to or you know worth sharing then now you can hold your peace. That's the marriage speech which is good for the topic. No okay But I interpret the silence that all of us think it's enough for this episode. Of course we only scratched the surface in general and if you have a question about this topic of lust and sexuality and everything, feel free to ask that we can make a topic out of it in another episode maybe and With that said I hope you'll tune

in last next time and thank you for listening this time and God bless you Wherever you are, we love you and thank you for listening, God bless you, bye bye.

God bless, goodbye,

till next time, bye.