#32 "From Gender Norms to Acceptance: Redefining Celebrations for our LGBTQ+ Kids" with Jennifer Boudrye

Cheryl Pankhurst: Boure. Thank you. Welcome to another episode of Teen Minds redefined where we strive to redefine the relationships we have with our teenagers at home at school ly. And Foster them growing into their true authentic selves as adults. And today I have a beautiful guest Jennifer boudre the driving force be tough behind parent with LLC empowers allies and parents of lgbtq+ Youth through personalized coaching workshops and engaging presentations drawing from her rich experiences as a parent of three adult children one profoundly. start Gabby.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Drawing from her rich experiences as a parent of three adult children one proudly identifying as bisexual and a bonus parent to a transgender, Jennifer seamlessly Blends professional expertise with personal insights as a certified parent coach holding master's degree in library science and educational leadership. Welcome Jennifer.

Info Parent With Care: Thank you.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I am so happy to have you here such an important thing to talk about and awareness. And is there anything you want to add to that before we Jump Right In?

Info Parent With Care: So I think the reason for why I do this work truly is trying to help ensure or create a safe world for all lgbtq+ people. So in addition to the coaching with parents, I'm also the training manager for an Advocacy group in nonprofit in Loudon County, Virginia.

Info Parent With Care: So I'm getting it from a lot of different perspectives and a lot of times people are like, I'm your cisgender white woman heterosexual. Why are you the one doing this work? And I really truly feel I'm so aware of my identity and the responsibility that I have as an ally to help educate and what I end up doing is taking people from a place of fear and confusion to becoming enthusiastic allies that lgbtq+ folks deserve and so just quickly my process. Is in the name of my company which is parent with care and it is compassion awareness respect and empathy. So that's the work we do.

Cheryl Pankhurst: That's beautiful. I like that so. I know there's a kind of touched on it in the bio. But what's your story? Can share that

Info Parent With Care: So yeah, I always try to make it is concise as I can but I have had kind of a marine meeting the Myriad of different things that I've done in my…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Okay.

Info Parent With Care: So way back in 1996 the beginning of the internet. I was hosting a radio show called discovering kids and bringing resources to families that was in Wilmington Delaware. And then I moved back to my hometown of Montgomery County Maryland and trying to find resources for my kiddos. I created internet resource called family net source that I ran for many years. Which was a resource directory helping folks to find the information resources. They need for their kids. That I realized that this thing called health insurance was important so went back to school at the library science degree became a school library media specialist. So I have done a variety of different things for four years. I've worked Pre-K to 12 and for four years. I was the director of libraries for DC public schools. doing tons and tons of adult professional development as well.

Info Parent With Care: But then I realized as I progressed through my life that I was kind of needing a new chapter. So looking at all of the experiences and the things that I've done and the advocacy work that I was doing in the lgbtq space. I realized that people really needed one information and resources to help them understand or learn about because you don't necessarily have to understand. but two combining that with the family Dynamics and folks that need support in parenting. So again everything I've ever done has been about connecting people with information and resources and I really believe that it can help to make a difference and certainly having my own queer kids makes it very very personal for me.

Cheryl Pankhurst: yeah, I hear you my daughter square and she Just got married just over a year ago. To her beautiful partner,…

Info Parent With Care: Congratulations.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Julie. Yes, I'm just it and then I'm gonna get all emotional…

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Info Parent With Care: 

Cheryl Pankhurst: because I'm so proud of them and not just because they're queer obviously they have just been able to find their love and be themselves and I see every day that we're in the same room together or what, when they're posting and doing reels and just becoming themselves, but It's beautiful, right, that in a mom's heart and…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: a parent's heart just to know that you're kid feel so secure and safe. in order to do that and be who they are and it's such a

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: learning for me to speak my truth more after watching them speak their truth and I love it and it's the coming out story

Cheryl Pankhurst: I have an easy What was your coming out story for your kids and I'm gonna ask first if it's okay for you to share that before because obviously they're not here. Me too.

Info Parent With Care: I do have permission to share always important to be for consent.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I emailed today. Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: So it's interesting. There are two different scenarios. So my son I always knew was not straight. And so I keep grew up in the 80s and I was really a picotine mentality, right? You're either gay lesbian or straight. and awesome Choose You so he grows up and is in college and someone had yelled in the effler at him the cross campus. So he wrote an ed. For his College Newspaper in which she came out as bisexual.

Info Parent With Care: And I was like, I dont what is that? I didn't understand what it was but I was like, all right, we're gonna roll with that I know so I've had to learn a lot and understand much more about what my sexuality is and certainly now in doing a lot of training and coaching around gender and sexual identities. I certainly understand it now, but it was really just a couple of months ago that he shared with me that my mentality and my limited understanding really prevented him from fully identifying himself.

Info Parent With Care: And then also coming out to me or the world as bisexual and so I often say that I have the two most marginalized of the letters under the rainbow in my family. There's a lot of biphobia and so there that is a struggle into itself. My bonus son. I met at the very start of his transition when he was 26 and so he had grown up as a lesbian female.

Info Parent With Care: as he grew and became more aware of himself and possibilities in his life he chose to transition on medically and surgically And when I met his father, there was some tension and that led to he and his son having really a two-year period of no communication. And it was heartbreaking and so I will say this is before I became a parent coach. I realized now that I was doing some coaching along the way I will I'm thrilled to say that they are now very very happily reunited as a family they've done a lot of repair work. So it's always possible and I get to hang out with my 18 month old bonus grandson every other week, which is amazing and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: 

Info Parent With Care: wonderful, and so It's been a challenging coming out for in both situations. And the reality is there's no coming out. One and done right? It is a forever and ever and always thing having to come out over and over and over again, especially for folks who are trans and who transition later in life because there are a lot of people…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Mm-hmm

Info Parent With Care: who know them from their previous gender. and as parents you're having to come out to new groups of people, As you move through life, you're not sure you got to check who's safe who's not before you can share what you need to share or…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: or if you share anything.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah, and here's the thing. You don't have to. the feeling like…

Info Parent With Care: No, it's nobody's business.

Cheryl Pankhurst: why didn't you tell me or why did no, but you don't have to it's Just as private and personal as anything. That you have in your heart.

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I mean I don't feel the need to say you should have or I didn't know or no because you didn't know it doesn't change me as a human,…

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Info Parent With Care: And I don't and I want to make it clear right and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: right? Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: I want to make it clear that I don't in other spaces right ways because this is the topic of the podcast which is why I identify that I have a bisexual son. My transgender bonus son. I don't walk through the world announcing their gender and sexual identities…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah, no.

Info Parent With Care: because it doesn't matter and…

Info Parent With Care: this is what

Cheryl Pankhurst: Because we wouldn't do that.

Cheryl Pankhurst: In any other sense of Assistant we just wouldn't do that. So, I don't understand I should say don't understand.

Info Parent With Care: No, no.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I don't Have a hard time with that part of it.

Info Parent With Care: Yeah. Yeah,…

Cheryl Pankhurst: and so tell me about

Info Parent With Care: I agree.

Cheryl Pankhurst: helping parents to understand so Let's say somebody a parent is Right In the initial stages of their son or daughter. coming out

Cheryl Pankhurst: and they're completely shocked. What's the second piece of advice? and in s shock is a natural reaction if you absolutely have no idea. But how do we move from that initial shock where we're continually allowing our children to feel safe with us?

Info Parent With Care: So I give parents a script. Hopefully that they'll hear before their child comes out to them which is why I love sharing these conversations. Is to say three things if your child comes out to you first of all understanding that your internal response. Needs to stay internal regardless of what it is. Okay, so you don't dump your fear your emotion your sadness your shame any of that onto your kid? So if your kid comes to you and shares that they are identifying as lgbtq+. You say three things one. Thank you for sharing that. Takes a lot of trust and I love that we have that much trust that you're sharing it with me. Two, I love you. Hard stop period no rejoinder no conditions. I love you. three

Info Parent With Care: What do you need from me right now so that you feel fully supported?

Cheryl Pankhurst: beautiful

Info Parent With Care: Then you can freak out and you can in all of that is normal right anytime. A kid shifts anything different than the image that we have of who they are or who they're going to be. It takes an adjustment. And so it is important to manage that individually. With the coach with friends with support groups and not bring that to your child, If you have questions and need information. What is it to be transgender or pangent or pan sexual or any of the amazing colors under the rainbow? There's a lot of ways to get information without asking your kid to educate you.

Cheryl Pankhurst: yes, and now At this stage of the game. I love that. My daughter and her wife are very comfortable calling me out at any point in time when I said something that might trigger somebody and I'm so Grateful that I don't have an ego that some people would have and say I don't know, and just resist all of that and Thanks for correcting me and I will make these mistakes all the time. I do I make them.

Info Parent With Care: Yep, because you're human being.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yes, and I'm quite grateful when I get called out so that I'm now okay. It's in my head. Hopefully I won't do it next time. I will do something else that's wrong. Call me out again, and that's totally fine. and…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I so grateful that they do that.

Cheryl Pankhurst: So if you're talking now to parents and you're thinking about what kind of obstacles now most my audience or parents of teens, not that that matters, but I'm just thinking of different tacles. What kind of obstacles can you see a parent facing with their child? And how do I kind of navigate that?

Info Parent With Care: There's so many mean Period right so first of understanding that gender and sexual identity is one aspect of your kiddo, So you're gonna have all of the traditional same issues that any child has any adolescent. my youngest is 27. So I am well beyond that.

Info Parent With Care: But I think I mean there's so many different obstacles one. It's coming out to family and friends when and how and I ask always that parents let their kiddo lead the way that is their story. They may need your help to share with other people. They may need you to run interference. They may want you to not share with certain people and you need to respect that because that's how you build or break the trust with them understanding the sexual implications, right? What is this mean if Your child is lesbian. maybe we don't worry about getting pregnant, but there are a whole host of other things right and not focusing so much on the physical that you forget the emotional aspects of sexuality. super important

00:15:00

Cheryl Pankhurst: yeah.

Info Parent With Care: If your kiddo is transgender and is going on puberty blockers, and then perhaps medically transitioning. You might end up going through puberty twice with your kiddo or a much later puberty. So knowing…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: where they are socially compared to their peers is an important Dynamic to keep track of and really paying I mean I won't cite all of the scary statistics around queer teens. I always recommend people look at the Trevor projects. Survey on mental health and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: it's scary and all of the scary statistics are completely wiped away when that child has supporting affirming family and people that love them. So what I want folks to know above all is again, you don't have to understand it. You just have to believe who your child says. They are in this moment. and I think with teens also parents have perhaps The Hope or the fear that their child is choosing and identity because of social structure or social impact and social media and peer influence or they're like, they keep changing their identities and first it was this and now it's this and I can't keep track. All of that is normal as you know, I'm 57. I'm still learning things about myself.

Info Parent With Care: And you know who I am as a person. So to expect a child not to go through a process of discovery. is unrealistic, right? I mean kids know their own gender by age three.

Cheryl Pankhurst: yeah.

Info Parent With Care: But often we're all socially conditioned to believe in a heteronormative binary. And so this is where we see people coming out later in life because they're learning and understanding themselves more. And people know their sexuality usually social orientation usually around age 10. But they are may or…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Okay.

Info Parent With Care: may not be aware of it themselves or be willing to admit it to themselves.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I love how you said we don't have to understand that and I feel like that goes. For everybody there's so many conversations when I was working in the schools and so many conversations around. I just don't understand why I just don't get it. Why can't they just I didn't And you don't have to understand. There's no reason for you to even need to understand.

Info Parent With Care: No. No.

Cheryl Pankhurst: You just need to be kind and be human and that's where it stops especially when it's not family. But if something else I wanted to when you were talking about, coming out to the family. when I was running the GSA at school I did have a number of students whose grandparents just

Cheryl Pankhurst: couldn't understand it. And what I tried to explain to them is maybe not for sure, but maybe they're coming from the time where if you were anything but straight.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Seen happen. Does that make sense?

Info Parent With Care: Yeah, it all comes from fear. And if you look at over the history over time there have been times in our history even in this country where That it just was right and then there became a look surprisingly enough a political pushback. And here we are again, right? And so what scares me is I see kids now that are afraid to identify as transgender. afraid and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: we are in a society right now that is not safe for a lot of kids or a lot of adults, a lot of queer people yeah, and I think this is where we get into let's have Grace on both sides. Right? We want our kids to have Grace for our limited understanding and our growth and awareness and we need to have Grace for our kids to have the same process. And so I think it's when conversations have to happen back and forth like you were saying earlier you're going to make mistakes. You're a human being we all have intrinsic bias. It is embedded in us from before we're born.

00:20:00

Info Parent With Care: And we need to make sure that people have the opportunity to have the conversations and I will approach people and say if I hear somebody with a very definitive opinion about my responses help me understand, where did that come from? How did you get to that place? And then I'll understand more of the background.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Mm-hmm

Info Parent With Care: Is it coming from a religious perspective is coming from a political perspective or they've never met anyone who was queer and the only thing they've seen is willing Grace and so it's all kinds of things.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I love that. that's a night drop for me because I'm going to take that I'm gonna hold on to that because that's such a great way to come back and have that conversation. I really like that. So in our schools right now, I'm gonna jump all over the place because things just pop into my head…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: but in our schools right now. There's this debate. About if kids want to change their pronouns. Or identify with a different name in school. There's the big debate. Do we have to tell the parents do we not have to tell the parents?

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: so in my experience limited experience and Most parents are fine. It never seems to be a problem. We're changing report cards or changing not a problem, but there are some. Where the kid is just not feel safe at home.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Being who they really are, but there is one place where they feel safe. And I have a funny feeling. I know what your opinion and this is gonna be but how do you feel about that situation? Is it an absolute? Yes, we have to tell parents or We're not changing names. how do you feel about that?

Info Parent With Care: So first I'm going to say 40% of queer kids. Do not feel that they have a welcoming home environment. That's a lot of kids.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: All right, so I actually did a training for school resource officers in my county and this, came up obviously.

Info Parent With Care: I go to a place of your job is to keep that child safe. so if a Cheryl child shares with you their identity again, thank you. I see you and I hear The third question for an educator is who else knows and who can't know? So once you have identified if my parent finds out my caregiver finds out that I'm out on the street believe them because that is their truth,…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: So I recommend folks do something that I call Proactive code switching which is you say to the kid. I see you I am going to refer to you by the name and the pronoun that you are sharing with me. understand that when I talk with Whoever the other person is that they don't feel safe with whether it's other teachers or parents or Administration. I'm going to refer to you by the name and gender that is on record. But know that I'm doing it intentionally to keep you safe.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yes.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yes.

Info Parent With Care: That's the part of the conversation that I think doesn't get focused on enough is being transparent the pun intended with the kid that you're doing it on purpose not to be disrespectful…

Info Parent With Care: but to keep them safe. the hope is that then you build the rapport with family and I've been in this situation with multiple children and I've Had It Go a variety of different ways and my job as an educator is to keep the kids safe period And so if that meant I'm the only one that knows this, I would have kids sometimes write your name if you hand out a paper write your name at the top right there's how to sticky note on it. So they could write whichever name they wanted me to use that gets pulled off and when it goes home, it's got their name of record on it. So there are a lot of ways to get around it and still support the kids. But it's terrifying for educators right A lot of them are afraid they're going to lose their jobs.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: You can still have that conversation with the child. And let them know that you are there for them and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: baby

Info Parent With Care: you support them and these rules are creating the problem.

00:25:00

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah. Yeah, I've had those conversations with the kids and have said to them multiple times. But I this So let me know you need to call me out. I might screw this up in front of somebody and it's so important. I don't think I've ever done a screw up in front of the parent but in talking to another teacher or whatever, so I think that's Good to say, just in case it will be on purpose and not out of disrespect and…

Info Parent With Care: And no and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: I like that conversation.

Info Parent With Care: know that I mean when I taught I was on the Middle School librarian 650 kids and I always would say I had 650 kids all named sweetheart because I couldn't remember half their names and so, it would be very easy if I mistakenly, out at a kid to flip that scenario around so that it was clear that I was just making a mistake and so I want to address also the mistake piece right the apology…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: because again, we all do it and this is something comes up all the time when we talk about pronouns. What if I get it yourself move on.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: That's it.

Cheryl Pankhurst: it's so important because it's not about you if you made the mistake, it's not about you. just

Info Parent With Care: Yep.

Cheryl Pankhurst: so I want to talk about supports in schools. How can schools? Lay a foundation of safety in the school. I mean, we can have our flags and we can have our signs and we can have safe spaces fantastic, but is there something more? Intrinsic we can do for people to make everyone feel safe. And there's even the Converses the flippant conversations about all gender bathrooms. And I know why is he going in her and what and I understand and I don't know how many times I said to an adult. If that's challenging for you, can you imagine what their life is like?

Cheryl Pankhurst: So suck it up watch them go whatever they want to go into and…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: there's just those little things we think. my goodness.

Info Parent With Care: Yeah, it is.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Life is hard enough. right

Info Parent With Care: Yeah this is where again, schools are so embroiled in politics right now. It's really hard to separate. But in a perfect scenario Not only we wouldn't just have all gender bathrooms right? There would be individual bathrooms for individual humans. Because that keeps everyone safe.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yes.

Info Parent With Care: I've been in places where every toilet was in a stall and there were communal sinks. Because we can hand wash our hands together. Right and those can be open in an airport kind of a concept I was at the pflag convention and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah, there you go.

Info Parent With Care: they had put signs on the bathrooms that I loved and it said one. This bathroom has stalls and urinals this bathroom has stalls. That was it. Right and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: bingo

Info Parent With Care: it's a matter of which equipment you need, but I think other things that schools can do is I ha School librarian here. Please allow kids to read what they want to Stop censoring books. Stop pulling them away a trust the kids to have the awareness that they are reading what they want and need to read. Same with curriculum, there are queer There are people of color that have added so much to our history and they need to be included and the truth needs to be included, but then I think the main thing is And I remember years and years and years ago. We were doing race and courageous conversation around the anti-racism and anti-racists were.

Info Parent With Care: Still comes down to the same thing, which is look at people's Humanity. And so if a child is being bullied or picked on for anything. That behavior cannot be tolerated. It can't be tolerated from adults.

Cheryl Pankhurst: .

Info Parent With Care: It can't be tolerated from other children. And you haven't creating a safe space and affirming inclusive space. Like you said, it's not just about flags and just about having the person of the month or the marginalized community of the month. It is about respecting Humanity. And respecting every individual person's right to be themselves.

Cheryl Pankhurst: So we talked about helping. parents accept how do we turn that around and you're Of a child who's not quite sure and is having a tough time accepting their own identity. how do we support that as parents?

00:30:00

Info Parent With Care: I think it's acknowledging that it's a hard thing to figure the messaging that we get and this is I know I tell a story to pretty much every time I talk with someone I mentioned that my trans son has a son as a child and when his wife had the sonogram that indicated gender or sex at that point he came back and it's a boy and I'm like really is it Right, you're a trans man,…

Cheryl Pankhurst: But yeah.

Info Parent With Care: that penis doesn't mean But we're there, So from pre-birth, we are conditioning kids to be a specific something and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: so understanding that at all of the conditioning that they're receiving from us and from everywhere in the world. Are very strong messages right understanding that clearly the political climate that we have is not welcoming and affirming right? There is just so much that is terrifying. Especially for kids and especially what you were talking about adolescence. They're trying to figure out everything about themselves. And so give them the grace and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: the space and this is why I say it all the time believe who your child tells you they are in this moment.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yes, yes.

Info Parent With Care: And that's it because it might very well change and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: evolve and over time. Even I am very good friend who I met as genderfluid, right? They grew up theme as very masculine presenting recognize that they weren't cisgender male for years gender fluid now has come to the realization that they're female and they are a trans Woman and that's all okay.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I won't rest until gender reveal parties are done.

Info Parent With Care: Jenna it should be genital reveal parties.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I won't rest I won't rest.

Cheryl Pankhurst: It makes me crazy.

Info Parent With Care: That's what it is.

Cheryl Pankhurst: It makes me crazy and it's come up in a couple of topics on different episodes. I've done because It's just so from the moment you celebrate with the other siblings to then, it's a boy. I have five boys. I really wanted a girl. That is like

Cheryl Pankhurst: Injected into your child's system injected it is dripping this intravenous of you're not accepted and…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: it needs to Wish I could just wave my own flag about gender reveal gotta go.

Info Parent With Care: again, we just will start calling them genital reveals, and maybe it might take me people uncomfortable enough that they'll stop right.

Cheryl Pankhurst: There you go.

Cheryl Pankhurst: You really need another party and more gifts. I don't understand honestly. that might be another story. so As we just start to wrap up.

Info Parent With Care: I agree.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Can you?

Cheryl Pankhurst: kind of end us off with some advice what we can do what you would say to a parent in a moment of time where they're just feeling like and where can we look for resources and where even experimenting if I'm thinking maybe I am transgender. Maybe I am a different identity. And I know I'm not safe. Where do I go? Who do I call? What are the numbers?

Info Parent With Care: Yeah, so I will send you for the show notes. A bunch of resources that people can connect with…

Cheryl Pankhurst: Perfect.

Info Parent With Care: because are Some of them are support groups. Clearly. I'm available for folks who need to talk and finding places where you have that safe space to truly just feel all of your feelings, If you enter a support group and you find that you're getting pushback because you express sadness that's not necessarily little pace for you, right so that all of your feelings it sounds so cliche, but all of your feelings are valid, Right, it's not up for anyone else to judge you or tell you how you're feeling whether or not you should feel that way you feel that way.

00:35:00

Cheryl Pankhurst: right Yeah.

Info Parent With Care: So you have to process and dig through where does that come from? And what is it that you are afraid you're losing so, going through and finding places where you're able to do that type of processing super helpful the vast majority of the people that I work with identified as allies until their own kid came out and what

Cheryl Pankhurst: 

Info Parent With Care: How do I do wow is this work? Right? I thought it was just other people I was at their supporting. So it's harder it becomes real so there is a lot of information. And again, I'll provide those resources. The other thing is even if your kid is not queer create as far as making sure that they have opportunity to connect with and interact with other kids and I'll give a little plug for something. I'm getting ready to launch not knowing when this podcast come out it might be out which is the queer camp fair.com.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Say more.

Info Parent With Care: Whatever, so I'm ource going back to what I did 97 creating a resource directory for camp summer camp experiences that are self-identifying as affirming for lgbtq+ kids and it's not just queer camps, right? It's camps any camp that is willing to state that they are affirming and there's some criteria that they have to meet. And they're not just for queer kids, right therefore anyone and everyone to be seen and welcomed and experience an amazing summer. So I'm really really excited and I'm just working on the tech behind the scenes try to get it all together. But if your kid is straight and you want them to grow up in a world where they're accepting and affirming and loving of other people seek out opportunity like that.

Cheryl Pankhurst: 100% that's amazing I don't know if this is all of her Facebook, but there is a Facebook group. And it's called Stand in Pride, Canada. And anyone who wishes to be an ally? can and I've done this I think I did this a couple of years ago anyone who wishes to be an ally and then anyone from the community can come out and say My mom won't come to my wedding. And if you're in the…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: if you're in the area, will you come to my wedding? Will you walk me down the aisle? Can you just give me someone to talk to and it's just amazing and sometimes it's just posting back and forth just messaging back and…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: forth and it's just a beautiful community. And so I don't know…

Info Parent With Care: It is international there's a standard Pride International and…

Cheryl Pankhurst: if good.

Info Parent With Care: then there are a lot of standard Pride per States and Northeast or regions. So yeah, there are and this is The other thing to keep in mind and there's I think is something that we're all getting our heads around is that family is much more than blood right is finding your family in the people that are going to affirm you and love you and support you. is vital

Cheryl Pankhurst: Yeah. yeah, I just Honestly don't think there's anything more beautiful than seeing somebody. See themselves and feel safe and then find their love. And any gender I don't care…

Info Parent With Care: Yeah.

Cheryl Pankhurst: who it is, but it's just magic and I know you're a parent so when you see it as a parent. Nothing Else Matters Nothing Else Matters and…

Info Parent With Care: No.

Cheryl Pankhurst: if there's things in your way You can get help you can.

Cheryl Pankhurst: Call Jennifer there's resources there's Pages there's things to do. Don't let that stand in your way because there's just nothing more beautiful honestly, and we need way more awareness. We Can't Stop has to keep moving forward. We can't slow down. So I thank you for your work. It's so important and…

Info Parent With Care: Thank you for this opportunity.

Cheryl Pankhurst: I really enjoy this conversation and if we have more questions then maybe we jump on again and talk about something else…

Info Parent With Care: Sounds great.

Cheryl Pankhurst: but this is fantastic. Thank you so much and thank you for listening to teen Minds redefine and our beautiful guest Jennifer. Everything will be in the show notes. Don't forget to share specialty episodes like this because you just never know who needs to hear this. Thanks for stopping by.

Info Parent With Care: Absolutely. Thank you.