#24 “The Power of Breath: Transforming Our Relationships with our Teenagers” with Sarah Thorne

Speaker 1: Hold your breath, but not for long. We have a special guest today, Sarah Thorne, and I am so excited to introduce to you the holy grail to breath work. And I'm gonna first of all just let Sarah introduce herself and then I'm going to tell you how we met because it's very cool. Sarah, welcome. Welcome. Welcome I'm so happy to have you welcome to Teen Minds Redefined I am just honored to have you as a guest today and let's start by telling everybody who you are and what you do.

00:32 - 01:20

Speaker 2: Well thank you so much for that warm welcome Cheryl. I'm so happy to be here. So let's just jump in to where I'm at and how I got here. So I am a breathwork facilitator and consciousness coach. My journey has been not straightforward in any way. So backing up, when I came out of high school, I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do. I spent years in post-secondary because I just could not, for the life of me, think my way to the right answer for me. Eventually, this led me into career coaching.

01:21 - 02:01

Speaker 2: I needed to figure out how to make it happen for myself. So I was like, this is how I'm gonna do it and then I'm gonna help others who are struggling with really similar challenges. Through this work of coaching, it led me to understand that thinking our way to solutions isn't always the best approach. So while our minds are really beautiful tools, when we only use our mind, and it's really this rational mind, we kind of get stuck in these loops and I was very much stuck in this loop. And I was watching my clients do

02:01 - 02:41

Speaker 2: the same thing and I really I wasn't sure how to help them. I Then started About 2 and a half years ago. I started a master's in counseling psychology program and that really honestly just cracked me open I suddenly had to be able to identify my own emotions so that I could help others identify theirs. And through that, I realized that our bodies are a really important part of our decision-making ability. They're an important part of being able to actually create the lives that we are dreaming of. And so that led me into completing a trauma-informed

02:42 - 03:32

Speaker 2: breathwork facilitator certification. So taking everything that I have learned about our minds and how our thoughts are generally repetitive, how our beliefs are deep-seated and often we're not even aware of them, Bringing that, using the tools that I have learned through my education, through my coaching experience, bringing those and pairing them with breath work, has allowed me to heal on such a deeper level, to find deep clarity about what I truly am here to do, and what lights me up, and how I can help others experience that same kind of transformation?

03:34 - 04:11

Speaker 1: I love it. I love it and I want to say this is how my morning started because I want people to understand how much this affected me. I just stood for 10 minutes staring at my ADHD medication because I couldn't remember if I took it this morning. So clearly I don't sit still. Clearly I have a very big challenge with focus and medication helps me, But it doesn't help me when I don't remember if I took it because I won't double up on it So now I'm taking a risk even today So how I met Sarah

04:12 - 04:49

Speaker 1: We did a breathwork session together now I have done 1 or 2 breathwork sessions before and we'll get into what actually breathwork is because who knows if everybody knows but I have a really tough time sitting still and I have a very tough time meditating. And you know, I even when I meditate, it kind of needs to be guided or I need to be moving around or I find myself getting very fidgety and then I met and then I met someone who did breath work and I started a session with them and I couldn't handle it.

04:49 - 05:36

Speaker 1: It was loud, it was long, it felt like there was just so much work to it. I was getting more frustrated than before I started. And I thought, oh, breathwork isn't for me. And then I met Sarah. And I have now done 2 sessions with Sarah. And honestly, it transformed my ability to sit and tap in and clear the monkey brain. And we did it for an hour. And that hour went by like 10 minutes for me, I could not believe it was almost over. And it just, I don't know, Sarah's going to explain this because

05:36 - 06:16

Speaker 1: I don't know what it did to me. But if you have, my point is, if you have tried breath work once and it didn't work, you need to explore more options because a breathwork facilitator works with your needs and how you sit and how you think and how you breathe. It's all very individual. So if you've done like a generic YouTube breathwork, sometimes they're phenomenal. But if you've done it, and it didn't work for you, this stuff is so important and so, like it just blew me over, and I just could not believe how I felt

06:16 - 06:36

Speaker 1: even after the very first 1. So this is how we met and this is why I said, you gotta get on here because parents need every tool they can possibly have. And so let's start with, first of all, Sarah, what actually is breath work? And how does that work into your coaching it like how does that all work together?

06:36 - 07:26

Speaker 2: Yeah great question so as you noted there are tons of types of breath work out there. Cultures around the world have been using breath for healing for centuries, if not longer. It is a resource that we all have access to. And therefore, there are many different approaches to it. I love that you said if you've tried it once and it really didn't fit, feel like you can go and try different approaches because you're right, it depends on who is facilitating and their specific approach. So my approach is very grounded in safety. So I attract people who

07:26 - 07:53

Speaker 2: tend to be over thinkers, who are perhaps A-type personalities, people who are always on the go, and what they're really craving is permission to slow down. That doesn't always feel safe to us because it's foreign. Even when things aren't safe, they kind of seem like it when we're not paying attention because they're familiar. We're confusing safety and familiarity.

07:54 - 07:55

Speaker 1: Good point.

07:55 - 08:22

Speaker 2: Yeah. So when you start to purposely feel into your body and through my own guiding, that's where I focus. And so it is not about being over activated, which breath work can do with certain approaches. And that might be great for certain people who don't crave this grounded sense of safety first

08:23 - 08:33

Speaker 1: Yeah, so when your whole day is in over activity, yes, then you want the grounding. Yeah That was my case. Yeah. Yeah

08:33 - 09:18

Speaker 2: Yes, And it's so common because of our culture of go, go, go, achieve, achieve, achieve. You're never quite enough. You've always got to be reaching. This kind of counteracts that and what it's doing. So what breathwork does, and especially the slower, more grounded approach, it activates your parasympathetic system, which is your rest, digest. So we're, as humans, we have these 2 systems that are our nervous system. We're supposed to ping pong. So we do, it's not bad to be in that fight flight. It's not bad. The thing is, is we're living in that all the time

09:18 - 10:05

Speaker 2: and we're supposed to ping back and forth because that fight flight is like action. You're going, you're like motivated. You're going to go do something. That's amazing. We need that. And we need to be able to get back into that parasympathetic where you're resting, you're healing. And that means you're slower, you're purposeful, you're mindful. That's where the real growth happens. And then you ping back and you take action. So it breath work in my approach is teaching your system we all we all have this When we were born we all had this. Mm-hmm. And so it's

10:05 - 10:18

Speaker 2: just remembering. Your system will remember. And that's why it takes more than 1 session normally. It really depends on where you're at in your journey. Mm-hmm. And so it's a practice.

10:23 - 11:09

Speaker 1: So we're talking to parents and especially parents of teens where I feel like it is a constant Teens are teens are beautiful and I love teens, but I know there are challenges. You have working parents, you have new challenges like screens and schoolwork. We've gone through the pandemic, so there's new mental health issues, or more mental health issues. So as we're navigating breathwork, can we talk about how a parent, without even thinking about the teens right now for a second, how can a parent inject that breath work into their system to kind of foster, easing the

11:09 - 11:27

Speaker 1: stress, easing the tension? Like it's not, you know, it's not something you have to block out a half a day for, Right? So how do we inject that ourselves first? Like, you know, the whole put the oxygen mask on you first, everybody's heard that analogy. So how do we do it for us first as parents?

11:27 - 12:17

Speaker 2: Right. So exactly, Like we have all the responsibilities as adults in this modern day life, which it's a lot. And then you add in raising children, especially when they become teens and they're starting to push boundaries and develop that self concept was a really important part of their development. And it's really hard for adults. So allowing, allowing them to have space for that, I think starts with yourself. So first, what I would recommend is just practicing breath awareness. And so most of us tend to breathe pretty shallowly into our chest. It's not really getting in to

12:17 - 12:55

Speaker 2: where we want it to be Because we're unaware and that breath impacts our physical being and our emotional being so when we're breathing shallowly We tend to have faster pace paced heartbeats, you know, we're Kind of like in that like panic almost that go go go And then when an emotion comes up, like frustration or anger or disappointment, we just kind of lift off and we react because we don't have any space. We don't have space for ourselves, and we don't have space for others. I really think that starts with creating space for yourself. What that

12:55 - 13:38

Speaker 2: could be is putting sticky notes around yourself that remind you to pay attention to your breath and just notice it. You're sitting at your desk, you're driving, you're standing in line, wherever you can remember it and just notice, oh, and when you do notice how you're breathing, See if you can just take a little bit of a deeper breath. Notice if it goes into your belly and then just let yourself exhale. Just doing that once or twice, 5 times, whatever is accessible to you throughout your day will send signals to your system, your nervous system. Oh,

13:40 - 14:13

Speaker 2: it's okay to just be in this moment. You're not in the wrong spot. You're not behind because right now is all that matters. And when you do that, you create a little more space. So when those feelings of frustration come up or whatever it may be at work at home you have space to go oh how do I want to respond instead of just reacting it's slowly creating that space

14:15 - 15:00

Speaker 1: yeah and all I can picture is when you're in a confrontation with your team and There's that you like you said you either react or you respond but breath gives you that opportunity to pause And I feel like with all this, you know, verbal information coming at you from your teen, the big difference in your reaction would like, can you check in with your head right then and there to say, I don't have to react to this. I can just sit and listen and look at them, but inside I'm breathing. I'm just breathing because That gives

15:00 - 15:40

Speaker 1: you, I feel like that would give you the space to decide, okay, what's my next step in this interaction? Because how often, you know, I hate you, you're a jerk, you never let me do anything. Yes, I do. And it's just ping, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, and it just never ends. Wherever you can take that, like you say, that space. I feel like that creates that opportunity to, okay, now I can respond. Exactly. And it's always available, like you said, it's always there, we just need to tap into it. So talk to us then about

15:42 - 16:24

Speaker 1: how can we cultivate this with our teens now like our teens are watching but how do we cultivate that self-awareness in our teens? I mean, the whole point even, not just of the show, of the whole show, the whole podcast is that, you know, our teens are, you know, wonderful, amazing, beautiful human beings and our parenting style sometimes does not foster them into becoming their own authentic selves. And I feel like if we could take a step back and show them what it's like to kind of live our own authentic life do things that make us

16:25 - 16:47

Speaker 1: feel calm and Centered and give ourselves space and give them space if they're watching us Eventually, they're gonna clue in that. This is something Yeah, so how do we how do we foster that with our kids at home? Like how do we give them the little tips and clues without saying you need to do this because we know that's never going to work.

16:48 - 17:42

Speaker 2: Absolutely. Honestly, I think you just named it. It is from my perspective, because we exactly like you said, teens and honestly most humans don't learn by being told what to do or think or be. They learn from their own experience and from watching others around them. So as a parent, when you take the time to learn the tools yourself and when you use them you're embodying it. You're embodying your truth. You're embodying that, oh I am worthy of slowing down, of resting, of living my best life, of being authentic to myself. When you do that and

17:42 - 18:23

Speaker 2: you show up for yourself, honestly, I think that's how you're teaching your team to do it because they're watching you. And then when they get curious enough, when those teens are like, whoa, my parent is like, amazing. They start asking, what are you doing? Or they've seen you breathing. They've seen you meditating. They've seen you writing. They have seen you taking time to care for yourself that they're like, how do I do that? And it opens that door without you having to push it open. There's no force. There's just a welcoming curiousness. Yeah.

18:24 - 19:15

Speaker 1: And I'm kind of picturing in the middle of that conversation with your teen being able to just say, I need a minute. Ask for your space because then that gives them permission to say, I need a minute. In any situation where they have to make a decision or a reaction or whatever, you know, it builds a habit into just thinking, oh, I'm totally entitled to saying I need a minute Mm-hmm. I Love that So talk to us about The your coach conscious coaching Breathwork, how do they work together? How do they kind of foster that 1

19:16 - 19:20

Speaker 1: goal? Like what is that 1 goal that comes out of conscious coaching and breath work?

19:21 - 20:08

Speaker 2: So it is essentially healing that mind-body connection. So the breath work is a physical and emotional practice. So it is helping you actually be aware of the physical sensations that are happening in your body that are related to the emotional experience that's happening in your body. Because as adults, many of us for so many reasons have a severed mind-body connection, which means we're just in our minds and they're kind of, you could use that phrase, the monkey mind, They're kind of doing their own thing and we're just here for the ride it seems like. So breathwork

20:08 - 20:55

Speaker 2: is bringing your awareness back into your body which then allows you and through this practice it allows you to release old emotions, old pain, things that are stuck from potentially your childhood within your body, your physical body, and your emotional body. It also through that process you learn that it's okay to feel your emotions. You learn how to process them so that new emotions that you experience don't have to be staying with you. They leave within that experience, they teach you, and then they move on. That is the breathwork portion. The reason I pair consciousness coaching

20:55 - 21:45

Speaker 2: with it is because that brings in the mind. So we have thoughts that are often pretty repetitive. We tend to spend a lot of time thinking, analyzing, rationalizing. That's that rational mind. It is a beautiful tool. However, I get the sense that, through my own experience and through working with others that It is in charge When that's not really true When we bring awareness We're like, oh we are this way and we will always be this way because that's just who I am. And that's not really true. So when you bring more awareness to your patterns,

21:45 - 22:25

Speaker 2: your thought patterns, your habits, the sort of triggers you're noticing, like triggers. You bring more awareness to that, you can start breaking them up. You can start creating some distance. Again, it's this distance from them to be like, oh, okay, I understand that I learned that way of seeing myself, of seeing others, seeing the world through this experience, and I've just held on to it. But I have a choice to choose differently. Now that I'm aware that I've been allowing this to influence my life so much and all my decisions have been frustrated by that outcome,

22:26 - 22:55

Speaker 2: I can choose something different. I can take the time to renegotiate how I believe the world is, how I believe I am, what I think about, where I put my attention and my time, I get to make a different choice. And suddenly, we're doing that, taking the actions and making the decisions that are aligned with our goals, because we've done that deeper inner work. And that's where the mind and the body work together.

22:57 - 23:42

Speaker 1: And that totally resonates with even how this podcast has evolved because it started out with, honestly, me just like, if your kid has a special need, this is what you do. This is how you advocate. This is how you talk to the teachers. And then as I started really talking to people. It's not that. It's starting here, starting with us and recognizing that there's so much of us that we can just give permission to and just give some space to. And if you think you've had the perfect childhood and everything is awesome, but your teenager does

23:42 - 24:26

Speaker 1: something and you get immediately triggered, guess what? There's some trauma there somewhere that needs to be released and there's your first clue. And you know it's just it's it's beautiful work I find because of with all the guests I have it always comes back to you know how can I find space for myself, permission for myself to just be who I actually am, and then impart that on these humans that I'm raising into the world? I want them to be themselves. And so there's different avenues, there's different paths, there's not a linear line to how to

24:26 - 25:04

Speaker 1: get there. And to give them permission to do that just by watching, I think it's so important. Like it's just, It's a movement, it's a shift that I think is so vital in this world. And I'm going to read, before we start talking about where to find you, this quote that's on your website that I don't stop looking at, I should have it memorized by now. In a world that looks like it's falling apart, it is an act of rebellion to believe that we have the power to change the story for the better. I love that

25:04 - 25:11

Speaker 1: quote. How did you come up with that? What does that mean to you? I know what it means to me because I think rebellion and teens, but what does it mean to you?

25:14 - 26:00

Speaker 2: So I came up with that hearing others speak about the end of the world and how when we look around, it feels like that. It also came from my own experience with deep depression a few years ago, and feeling like, what was the point? It was losing my own hope. And then I started questioning well why am I here? Is it just to suffer then? And through the work I've done and my own healing. I decided that I was here to make it better, that I was here to make a difference in my own unique way

26:01 - 26:45

Speaker 2: And that that was actually an act of rebellion against what I was being encouraged to see. What I was, if I chose to stay within that really hopeless, full of despair perspective, If I chose to stay there and I couldn't see this. So it was making, I was like I have the choice and this is where my power lives, is in the choice to see it a different way than what I'm being shown. There's so much good out there. And when I look for it, I find it.

26:46 - 27:20

Speaker 1: That's so good. That's so good. And I said this the very first time I read that quote that on your website, it's like, that is so impactful. And to me, when I read that, the first thing that comes to mind is, you know, our kids just want to go against whatever. They just want to go against, period. Right? Your way is lame. My way is better. They just want to go against. So this is an act of going against all this mainstream stuff that we see. All these, we don't have, and if everyone did this work,

27:21 - 27:45

Speaker 1: like it's a ripple effect. It doesn't just stay with you and in your little box, and it doesn't just stay within the 4 walls of your house, it ripples out like an energy force. So if everybody is doing this, oh my God, we're changing the world, period. Absolutely. 1 breath at a time.

27:45 - 27:47

Speaker 2: 1 breath at a time.

27:47 - 28:08

Speaker 1: Love it. Love it. This is really great, Sarah. And like I said, I highly recommend everybody try this. And if it doesn't work the first time, try it again. Or just go to Sarah in the first place, because that's what worked for me. But Sarah, where can we find you? How can we work with you? Tell us all the good things.

28:09 - 28:44

Speaker 2: All right, so I am on Instagram, and I am on LinkedIn for social media, which will direct you to my website, which is really where all the good stuff lives. And so you'll see the programs that I offer. I'm launching a 3 month program that includes breath work and consciousness coaching that begins in May of 2024. I also offer just breathwork if that's where you are at your journey then that's where you get to start. And I offer one-to-one. So most of those are group and then I offer one-to-one services.

28:44 - 28:46

Speaker 1: And all ages? Is there an age range?

28:47 - 29:21

Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's all ages. Really, it's for humans that are just ready. And honestly, when I say ready, I mean willing. You can come with fear, you can come with self-doubt, those are just human experiences. How can they ever go away until you're not a human? So know that when I say ready, I mean that you're giving yourself permission to try. To show up as you are, knowing you don't need to be anything else. I love it.

29:21 - 29:26

Speaker 1: Any question I didn't ask you wanted me to ask? Any last words you wanna share?

29:29 - 30:07

Speaker 2: I guess The thought that comes to mind is courage. That really, I think stories I've heard from other people who are on the journey of awakening, which is really just becoming more aware of ourselves and how we function in the world. It always starts with courage. It always starts with, I have this slight sense that there's something different out there for me. And then it's that little bit of courage to pursue it and open that door and be willing to try.

30:09 - 30:30

Speaker 1: I love it. We get 1 shot. This isn't a dress rehearsal, 1 shot. Yeah. I love it. Thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you for listening to Teen Minds Redefined. Once again, our beautiful guest, Sarah Thorne. Go check her out. Everything will be in the show notes and I really appreciate you listening. I'm grateful for the work that you do, Sarah, especially for me personally. Thank you.