#35 "Stop Yelling at Your Kids in 21 days" with Celia Kibler

0:15 - 00:36
Cheryl-Host: Are you tired of yelling your way through parenthood? I'm going to introduce you to your new best friend, Celia Kibler, who is a parent coach, author, podcaster for Pumped Up Parenting, and the creator of your new life-changing course, 21 days to stop yelling at your kid. Welcome Celia.

00:36 - 00:46
Celia-Guest: Oh Cheryl, I'm so excited to be here. I could yell from the from the mountaintops, but I won't because we're not going to yell And we're going to talk about

00:46 - 00:56
Cheryl-Host: that. That's fantastic. I can you start off with your story? Like why are you here doing what you're doing? What's your mission? What's your what you

00:56 - 01:37
Celia-Guest: well, you know, it's funny because when I talk to parents and I tell them about what happens to a child when they're yelled at all the time. Children become 2 things. They become aggressive, angry, raging people, or they become peacemakers. So I was yelled at by my father and wonderful man, but abused as a child, carried the mental abuse into the home. Thank God he was able to not carry the physical abuse in, but he was a yeller, short temper. And so I became the ultimate peacemaker. Like I didn't just become a peacemaker. I didn't just

01:37 - 02:10
Celia-Guest: become somebody who like tried to avoid confrontation. I decided the whole world needs to just calm down. And over my work with children who I have always bonded with. I always say I'm like a five-year-old in like a 60-year-old body, but I just love kids. I've always loved kids. I've always been the grownup sitting at the kids table. They are my people. And maybe that's because I don't want to be grown up. I don't like to be mature. I like, you know, I have a saying that you're only young ones, but you can be immature forever.

02:11 - 02:50
Celia-Guest: Love that. I live by that. But, So I always felt this genuine passion to help kids be the best they could be. And my sister and I became a mom. I did become a mom in 1982. And I have 5 amazing kids. 2 I gave birth to and 3 I gained through my marriage to my current husband. The 5 of us have been living in this wonderful blended family for 29 years. I've been a real live mommy for 41 plus years. My son and my daughter, she's the queen of all those boys and she's gonna be

02:50 - 03:33
Celia-Guest: 42 this year. I'm a grandma to 9. I love my greatest achievement as much as I love And I feel wonderful and proud about the books I've written and the people I help along the way all over the country. My greatest achievement by far is my children. And so knowing how I was raised by a wonderful mom and a wonderful father. Gratefully, I had 2 amazing parents, but my dad, he was such a great man. He was so great. He was great for society. He was part of the team that put airplane seatbelts into cars that

03:33 - 04:15
Celia-Guest: made the decision. We need seat belts in cars and we're going to take these belts. We're going to put them into cars. We always had seat belts for even when we were little, when he was going through all this testing, he worked on Apollo missions. He created and designed and successfully launched the fastest warship worldwide, still in the Guinness Book of World Records. Just, I mean, achievement after achievement. But the thing to remember about this incredible human who cared so much about people and society was he cared very little for himself. And the point is that

04:15 - 05:00
Celia-Guest: When you are abusing a child verbally, physically, you are raising them through aggression, yelling, hitting, all of that. Your child doesn't grow up to hate you. They grow up to hate themselves. Yes. My husband, my husband, my father thought very little. He thought nothing of these achievements. Anybody could have done it. And I'm like, no, but you did it, dad. You've saved countless billions of lives with a decision that you and your friends said, we need seat belts and automobiles. That decision went on to save the world. You did that. And he's like, yeah, You know,

05:00 - 05:39
Celia-Guest: and you can say it's humble, but it's also, I know from the day, through all the days he lived to the day he died at 92 on April 5th of 2020, he always was unhappy with himself. There were always things I should have done this. He talked and taught, why didn't I do this? Shoulda, coulda, woulda. We would have been this, have I done this? Like constantly down on himself. And that what yelling and aggressive parenting does to a child. And we wonder about all these school shootings and all this violence and this anger and this

05:39 - 06:21
Celia-Guest: rage. What were these kids raised like? To be so angry that they have to take that rage out on the world. Well, anyway, long story short, that was a pretty long story. That's what got me going. I started my kids' fitness company with my sister in 1987, again, Wellness for Children, went on to becoming a parenting coach around 2016 and then decided I needed to calm the whole world. So I created the International Day of Calm, which celebrates my dad on April 5th of every year. And I just work hard to help parents understand there is

06:21 - 06:30
Celia-Guest: a better way than having to yell at your children and they will listen without it and they'll be happier without it. And so will you.

06:30 - 06:44
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. So, oh my goodness, I don't even know where to sleep. Let's start with, so are you, are you saying your dad was yelled at as well? Like was this a cycle?

06:44 - 07:28
Celia-Guest: My dad was actually physically and mentally abused. Very smart man. Very like beyond smart. Like when you think of smart, think smarter. And his father was always like, you're not good enough. Nothing you do is good. He always hit them, beat them, yelled at them, you know, and nothing my father, Chief, was ever going to make my grandfather, who I did not know very well, proud. And I'm probably good thing I didn't know very well because his mother, who was also abused, my grandma actually divorced him, which was kind of unheard of back in whenever that

07:28 - 07:50
Celia-Guest: was. What was that? The 20, the long ago. Like the 1900, early 1900, whatever that was. Nobody divorced anybody. And she actually had the strength to divorce this person, this man. Wow. So, yeah, so he was, you know, he got the gamut of everything.

07:51 - 08:31
Cheryl-Host: Why do we yell? Why, why, why do we, and okay, I'm going to preface this first because I know we're talking about children and you love children and the reason this really stuck with me is I've always worked with teenagers. I had a couple who are now grown-ass adults but worked for 25 years with teenagers in high school and the reason I want to say this is because it is never too late. You may have yelled right up until now, your kid might be in grade 11 and you're still yelling, it's not too late. This is

08:31 - 08:47
Cheryl-Host: where Aselia comes in. We can start, meet you where you're at and go from there. So it's never, never, never too late. And I feel about teenagers the way you do about kids, like I would. Like they hang around them more than I do. Right.

08:48 - 09:25
Celia-Guest: And it's so true. And you know, I tell people the only time it's too late is if you're dead. So if you're listening to this podcast and breathing at the moment, hand in hand, You're not dead, which means it's not. I even work with a adult, adult with parents that have adult children, like in there, 1 of my clients has a pair, has a child in their fifties. You know, it's never too late to do better and your kids are never going to be upset if you say to them, you know what, honey, I'm really going

09:25 - 09:31
Celia-Guest: to work on not yelling. Are they going to be like, Oh no, no, no, mom, please yell more.

09:31 - 09:32
Cheryl-Host: I love it.

09:32 - 09:36
Celia-Guest: I love yell at me all the time. No child wants to be yelled at.

09:36 - 09:50
Cheryl-Host: No, no and you know, I When it comes to yelling I just feel like there's so many different aspects but let's start with let's start with why like

09:51 - 10:37
Celia-Guest: great question It's a great question. Why do we yell? We yell because we're usually frustrated and overwhelmed for whatever reason. So it could be we've had a terrible day and it's even, you know, you haven't gotten a chance to settle down. You walk in the house, your kids are fighting and you go in there and you start screaming at them, which is it solving anything? I'll let you answer that. No, it's not. And it's making it worse. Screaming matches never resolve anything and always make things worse. Always. And people go, well, you know, if I don't

10:37 - 11:12
Celia-Guest: yell, they don't listen. I know you guys are thinking that. And then you're probably thinking, if I said, well, why is that? You'll say, Well, because I try to talk really nicely and I use my manners and I ask them once, then I ask again and again and again and then I scream and yell and they do it. The problem in that scenario, which we have all experienced, is not the yelling. The problem is you're asking your child Over and over and over again and in my course that you were talking about 21 days stop yelling

11:12 - 11:49
Celia-Guest: you do learn Immediately how to fix that The problem is they don't take you seriously till you yell because you're not serious until you yell. You think you are, but you're actually not. And if they're on a video and you've got teenagers sitting there playing video games and you come up and you go, Hey guys, almost in their time, turn off the video game. Come on down, please. Play, play, play. You come back up in 5 minutes. Honey, I asked you, please turn off the video game. Come to dinner. Play, play, play. You come up. Now

11:49 - 12:30
Celia-Guest: you're mad. You guys, I'm going to turn that video game off if you don't stop playing and come down and you leave. And then you come up screaming, yelling, raging, having a tantrum. And they come down. They just learn that they get 20 more minutes of video game play if they wait till you yell. When had you come up there and said, guys, I need you to come to dinner, please come down. And they you come up the second time and they don't. You know what's great about video game consoles? My son is a gamer. He

12:30 - 12:33
Celia-Guest: is in the gaming industry designing games.

12:33 - 12:33
Cheryl-Host: He

12:33 - 13:04
Celia-Guest: has played videos all life. Consoles, every single 1 of them is portable and lightweight. If you walk up there the second time, say, guys, dinner time, boom, push the button, stop the console, the end game over. Don't keep asking. Take action. Don't threaten. If you don't stop doing this, I'm going to do this. Do it. Yes. Okay. So I got a little passionate about that. I get a little passionate.

13:05 - 13:45
Cheryl-Host: Well, it's good because I've experienced that a hundred thousand times, a hundred thousand times. And, you know, I'm certainly not innocent. I did yell at my kids when they were growing up. And I think what really, I was able, I think, I have to ask my own kids this, I guess, is to take a step back and notice the difference. Dad was a very, is a very passionate Italian. We're not together anymore, but when the kids were growing up, so a lot of passion and a lot of very loud. Yeah. And what I noticed is when

13:45 - 14:30
Cheryl-Host: I watched the reactions of the kids, they would almost zone out. So they weren't even hearing the words. They were just, they were just like tuning me right out of the communication. And I grew up with my, I've never, never, rest in peace, heard my father raise his voice ever, like literally never. And my mom was the opposite. She and I am sure that's how she grew up. You know, this is never a slam to parents, but we do with what we can at the time. Right. But the reaction is I was never emotionally affected when

14:30 - 14:56
Cheryl-Host: she was yelling at me. I was scared. She would never, she would never abuse it, but I was scared of her. But I was never emotionally affected by it. Whereas my dad would say, I'm a little disappointed you did that. Oh my God, I'm done. I'm done. Bury me now. I can't, I can't handle it. So talk about that. Like talk about the different reactions and how we are receiving

14:57 - 15:40
Celia-Guest: these messages. And the important thing you said was, well, you said a lot of important things, but the fact that you were afraid of your mother, because that's what it was the opposite of my family. But that's what children feel when they are constantly yelled at. They become afraid of their parents. And I would hope that no parent listening wants their children to be afraid of them. And some parents do believe parent through fear, you know, fear, fear, fear. And you know, how does that create respect? How did children learn respect? All those little voices in

15:40 - 16:13
Celia-Guest: our heads, when you second guess yourself, when you're like, well, is this really my greatest decision ever? Or what, what should I do about this? Or someone says something simply like, what do you want to eat? And you're like, I really want sushi, but I'm not going to say I want sushi. I'm just going to say whatever you want. That is the lack of confidence. And that confidence was destroyed by a parent who did not support and respect you. And some of you are like, oh yeah, well that's why we have a generation of like, I

16:13 - 17:05
Celia-Guest: even had somebody say wussy kids And no, respect does not create a, and a wimpy person. Respect empowers a person. What, what creates children that are entitled and That expect the world to owe themselves something is 1 thing and that 1 thing is Always giving into them with whatever they want, whenever they want. If you constantly give into a child, I want this. I throw a tantrum. You give it to me. You're like, OK, there are no consequences in your home. There are no limits and boundaries that create an entitled child. That creates a child that

17:05 - 17:47
Celia-Guest: thinks the world owes him something. And while that very well intended parent thinks that, well, I just want my child to be happy. I want my baby to always be happy. I understand that I raise 5 kids, I'm 9 grandchildren. I understand you always want them happy, but is that reality? Welcome to life when things don't go your way. And if you are raising children to believe that life will always go their way. So to ensure their happiness, you are going to raise very unhappy adults. And did that answer your question? I don't remember what the

17:47 - 17:47
Celia-Guest: question is.

17:47 - 18:24
Cheryl-Host: Yeah, no, it totally did. And you're right. I mean, I talk about this pretty much on every episode somehow about allowing our kids to fail, allowing our kids to have disappointment, Because the little disappointments they have now will build skills. So when the big ones come, they are prepared when they lose their first job, when they fail their first university exam, when they have their first big heartbreak. Oh, they've had these little skills of that's okay. I know it hurts. Let's, what did you learn? How can we like all of those great conversations? And I think,

18:24 - 19:01
Cheryl-Host: you know, when it comes to yelling, it's almost like this, this big, you become this big powerful person. And we're having, and this is, you know, this is not from years and years ago. I know that you parented power over, power over you do what I've seen because I said it. Period. There's no disputing that. Great. You might see some kind of result in the moment, but what is it you're teaching? Like we're not just raising kids. We're raising humans Right into the world.

19:01 - 19:15
Celia-Guest: That's right. They're already kids. Our job is to raise an adult, self-sufficient, competent, confident, compassionate, happy, fun grownup. That's our job. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you need to put in the world.

19:15 - 19:25
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. And when life isn't going your way, you have the skills to figure that out, which is it's forever. It's not to get through cleaning your room.

19:26 - 20:12
Celia-Guest: Exactly. Literally forever. And if getting, if you're getting angry because they're disappointing you and you're screaming and yelling and raging and some of you are hitting, you are disrespecting them a thousand percent and you are throwing a tantrum, no different than a two-year-old that throws 1. And you're teaching them that when things don't go their way, they get to throw a tantrum. You're not teaching them how to regulate emotion. We are not born with the ability to regulate emotion. We learn it. We're not even born with compassion. As many emotions as we're born with, compassion isn't

20:12 - 20:34
Celia-Guest: 1 of them. That's why kids don't share right out of the, some do, but a lot of kids are like, my 2 year old doesn't share what do I do because it's an act of compassion that your old who thinks the world centers around them needs to realize this other child would like a turn with a toy. Yeah, that's a big thing. Yeah. And you have to teach it.

20:36 - 21:13
Cheryl-Host: Is there a way? So as an adult, I was yelled at sometimes. Is there a way that we can talk to any agent say, how do we release that trauma of being yelled at so we can start again? How do we, how do we just, and I, you know what, I feel it in my body, even as I was, You know, when I listened to your podcast and when I'm reading your bio, I literally felt it right in my sacrum that, you know, and I think it came from several different me being yelled at and then

21:13 - 21:45
Cheryl-Host: remembering, Oh, you know what? I lost it a couple of times. I know I did. I immediately regretted it. I like immediately walked away going, oh my God, I feel sick. What did I, I don't even know what I said. And yeah, so how do we, as adults, I guess, how do we say, okay, starting now, how do I release that? And what are 2 or 3 things I can put into place right now to go meet me from here? How do we change that behavior?

21:45 - 22:22
Celia-Guest: So the first thing we have to do if we, we is we have to recognize and we have to realize that there is a better way of doing things. I have never met a parent that felt good about yelling at a child. Never. Whether it was a teenager, a toddler, any age, an adult. I've never met a parent that felt good about that. Well, that was great. That was relieving. I feel amazing. I just screamed outrageously out of control at my job. Feeling great.

22:22 - 22:24
Cheryl-Host: No, no

22:24 - 22:26
Celia-Guest: child feels that way.

22:28 - 22:28
Cheryl-Host: You

22:28 - 23:02
Celia-Guest: know, every child when they get yelled at This is what's going through their head. I can't do anything right. The opposite of that is I do everything wrong. Why am I? No 1 even listens to me. You will hear you work with teens. You will hear this comment come out of every teens mouth. If you say the teenager, why are you so disconnected from your family? Because no 1 listens to me. No 1 cares what I have to say. I might as well be invisible. And they might as well be because parents are so busy bossing

23:02 - 23:44
Celia-Guest: them around. The key to ending this cycle, and it is very often a generational cycle, the key to ending it is number 1, saying, okay, this starts with me. I'm gonna end this. Yes, I've been yelling. And, you know, I yelled, nobody's perfect. We have good days. We have bad days. I'm not saying this to imply that you're perfect. You should be perfect that anybody's perfect. Now we're human. We all make mistakes. But now when you recognize the fact that you might yell, when you feel the sensations in your body, your, you know, you get goosebumps

23:45 - 24:26
Celia-Guest: bumps, your detention builds, your chest is heavy, your breathing heavier, you may perspire, your stomach may be feeling all and not those signs that you get personally and physically as the rage builds in your body is when you have to realize, I need to take a step back. I'm not going to collect it. I need to breathe. I need to, I need a timeout, not your child. You, you go take a timeout. You sit down for 3, 5 minutes and relax and think about it. I have an acronym that I will give you on this podcast.

24:27 - 25:10
Celia-Guest: That is also part of my course called PEPA. You know, PEPA pig. So there's an extra P in there. That's for the pig. Throw that away. This is not about Peppa Pig. So P-E-P-A. And you can use this acronym for anything. You might be doing a report for work, or your kids might be doing a test for school and they're feeling overwhelmed. First P is pause. E, evaluate. Second P, plan. A, act. So if you take a step back, if you think Peppa, congratulations, you already paused. You paused the process. Now look at what is going

25:10 - 25:52
Celia-Guest: on. Evaluate, see it from your child's perspective. If they're a toddler, they don't know what's going on. They don't know. And even a teen, sometimes a teen is a big toddler. Our brains don't fully develop into like full mode until we're 25. If your teenager is 15, they've got 10 more years. They are not an adult. You cannot expect them to respond like an adult. It is not just difficult, it's impossible. It is impossible. So take PEPA, teach it to your children. If something's, you know, they're having difficulty with homework, they need a break, take a

25:52 - 26:37
Celia-Guest: break. Pause. Now evaluate what is really going on. Just don't reactively respond. What is going on here? Maybe your child also had a bad day. Maybe they got bullied in school. Maybe they're not feeling so well. Maybe they got a disappointing grade on a project. And you yelling at them, is that going to improve what they're doing? Is that going to make them feel better? No, it's going to make them feel totally disrespected and like you don't care because you don't. You're not finding out what's going on. You're not talking. So then create a plan and

26:37 - 27:22
Celia-Guest: that plan should include communication, calm communication. You would be amazed what you can get from a child, a teenager, I've raised 5 of them, by simply sitting down and talking to them. And the best communicators are the best listeners. If you are listening to your child and you're planning your next rebuttal, if you're doing that with anyone, you're not listening. And everybody does. Everybody's like, okay, what am I going to say next? You know, you've got half the information. But if you genuinely listen without judgment, without criticism, without assumption, without ridicule, listen to what they're saying.

27:22 - 27:39
Celia-Guest: I always tell people, listen with your eyes and your heart and your ears, your ears already hear it, But look at that person and feel the emotion that they're speaking with. You can get so much information from that.

27:39 - 28:24
Cheryl-Host: And in picturing. Talking quietly and calmly, the person in front of you is forced to listen. Because they can't hear you because you're not yelling there. You're just talking and they're forced to listen and it also brings me to you know, If you have an argument with your colleague, you disagree with a friend, is this your reaction at work? Is this your reaction with the other people that you love? I'm pretty sure that's not. So is that another trigger to say, maybe I put somebody else's face on my kid for a second because that's not how

28:24 - 28:28
Cheryl-Host: I would act at work. I would never say anything like that at work.

28:29 - 29:06
Celia-Guest: Right. And sometimes, you know, the fear is not just your child, it's yours. And the thing that's running through your head at the moment might be, all right, here we go again. Here we go again. No situations can be resolved. And You know, I had a parent say to me once well if he doesn't get his homework done How will he ever get into college? And we look at these things like if this doesn't happen this won't happen Really if this child who was in fifth grade didn't do his homework, he's never getting into college? Half

29:06 - 29:45
Celia-Guest: of you at the college don't do their homework. It is an issue to be resolved productively at the moment. How can we encourage our child, how can we get them on board of recognizing the importance of their homework and doing it in a timely manner? That's what not like, Oh my gosh, if you don't do this, you're not going to get in college. And then we get mad. And then we start yelling at them, resolving nothing. Is he like, Oh yes. Oh, I'm going to do my homework. Now I'm feeling good. No, no. He's going to

29:45 - 29:49
Celia-Guest: be like, forget you. I'm not, I'm not doing my homework in spite of you.

29:50 - 30:27
Cheryl-Host: And with a lot of the coaches I've had on my podcast, what we've really come, what I've really come to learn is that if your instant reaction is to yell, If your instant reaction is to react, it's a trigger in you that you need to resolve. It's not nothing to do with what they're doing or saying. You need to start here because if like there's your mirror, Uh-oh, uh-oh, maybe that's not just Peppa. Maybe it's like, get back there and start, you know, investigating what it is I have inside me that's making me breathe.

30:27 - 31:09
Celia-Guest: Exactly. Exactly. It's, You know, when asking parents, like, what do you want your child to be? I want my child to be kind. I want my child to be respectful. I want my child to be, you know, compassionate. I want my child to be thoughtful. I want my child to be confident, good self-esteem. Like the list goes on to which I then asked the parent, is that you? Everything you want your child to be, you have to be. So it's time to open your eyes, look in the mirror, and figure out what is keeping you from

31:09 - 31:45
Celia-Guest: being that person. Because you are their ultimate role model. And if you are not being those things, then they're not being those things. Everything you do, good or not so good, you give your child permission to do. You just don't give them an example where you could act like this. You literally are saying, I hit you, you can hit somebody else. I hit you have permission to hit. I lied. You have permission to lie. I'm not telling the truth. I'm not living in integrity. You have permission to live however you want. I yell. You have permission

31:45 - 31:49
Celia-Guest: to yell. You are literally giving them permission, unwritten permission.

31:50 - 31:50
Cheryl-Host: Yeah, because

31:50 - 31:56
Celia-Guest: they're always watching. They're always watching. And they're always paying attention to what you're doing.

31:56 - 32:23
Cheryl-Host: Yeah, yeah. I love this. Can you talk about a success story in your parenting, coaching. And now, first of all, I want to ask where does pumped up parenting come from? Because we hear soft parenting and easy parenting and this parenting and brick wall parenting and barbical and we're also here. It's everywhere. Everything is named. Literally everywhere. But where does pumped up? So

32:23 - 33:15
Celia-Guest: pumped up parenting. And I get asked this all the time. Like what is the type of parenting you teach? Is it peaceful parenting? Is it gentle parenting? And if I had to name it, I would say respectful parenting. I would say that what I help parents with is them understanding that they are raising, like I say, another adult's my tagline. We're raising adults, not children. They are raising another human. This is not your possession. This is not a child under your control. This is a child that will and wants to cooperate with you that wants to

33:15 - 34:04
Celia-Guest: make you proud of them. You are their people. You are their ultimate people. You are the person that makes them feel safe and secure. The way I teach, I, you know, I get complimented all the time because what I teach parents is so practical and easy to implement. I take it from my 40 years of educational and professional experience. I am a certified gestalt therapist and an NLP associate. And, But mostly I take it from lessons learned in life and the knowledge I have in the brain of a human being and what it takes to create

34:04 - 34:57
Celia-Guest: that connection. What did I do to successfully parent a blended family for 29 years? How was that possible? How was that more unity than division? Did, was there hardship? Absolutely. You know, we, we, 1 of my step sons had difficulty with drugs and attempted suicide and, and jail and all these problems. But did I ever disrespect him? Never. Did I always lend him an ear to listen to what's going on, to help him if he wanted help. But to even listen if I couldn't help. Did I always support him? Yes, I always supported my kids. To

34:57 - 35:38
Celia-Guest: this day, they know most of them live 2 and a half hours away from me. If they called me at 2 in the morning, I'm in my car and they are. They, they know that it doesn't matter if I'm a stepmom. They know they can rely on me and trust me. They learn that over the years because I rely on them and I trust them. And I've learned through my education, the difficulties a child has growing up and how it is made worse. If a parent doesn't have a system in place, they do not parent proactively,

35:38 - 36:16
Celia-Guest: they parent reactively. And the only way you can change that is to have a system in place. If you get my book, raising happy toddlers, how to build great parenting skills, stop yelling at your kids. I'm not about not yelling because you have to identify what's going on with you. And then you have to realize that if you create an actual system, we have systems for everything. You have a career, you went to school and you learned how to do what you do. I learned how to do what I do. Everybody has systems, but yet parents

36:16 - 37:00
Celia-Guest: feel like go parenting. Anyone can do that. Why do I need to learn more? If you buy my 21 day, stop yelling course. Guess what? It is crazy cheap. And, And I have a coupon code for you guys. And it gives you a system. The reason you stop yelling in 21 days is because now you've implemented a system that creates cooperation that encourages your children to want to work together as a family and wants to listen and wants to do what needs to be done to make their family work without yelling.

37:00 - 37:01
Cheryl-Host: They wanted to. Yelling.

37:01 - 37:02
Celia-Guest: They want it too.

37:02 - 37:17
Cheryl-Host: And you should stop the cycle. Yeah. And I'm thinking stop the cycle because can you imagine as a grandparent watching your child yell at your grandbaby? Oh, that might be a little bit of a shift.

37:18 - 37:18
Celia-Guest: Exactly.

37:19 - 37:53
Cheryl-Host: Yeah, yeah. So stopping the cycle, I think that's, I think that's so specific. I love this because it's so specific. It isn't in general parenting. It is stop yelling at your kid in 21 days, done. And, you know, imagine the skills that you are now imparting on the kids in your home, as they go out into the world like you, you know, good leaders, good leaders are not power over and yelling and to do good leaders are pushing from behind and giving them skills are gonna live forever, that are gonna last forever. I think it's so

37:53 - 38:26
Cheryl-Host: important. And for those who are saying, and I've used this a few times, for those who are saying, wow, back in the day, back in the day. Well, listen, if I was having surgery, do I want the surgeon from back in the day? Nope. I want the surgeon who's learned up to now all the new things that are working and the, and the proof positive in, and it just makes sense. Like it just makes sense. And if you can sit with yourself for a minute and picture yourself yelling at a kid or being yelled at, I

38:26 - 38:35
Cheryl-Host: bet you recognize that feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I bet you just totally recognize that feeling and there's your trigger. There's your trauma.

38:36 - 39:08
Celia-Guest: Right. And there are, and there are like specific, like you asked about clients. You know, I've so many clients that will come and start When I start working privately with clients, I ask them 25 questions. We start out with 25 questions, but they ask yes or no to some of the questions are positive. You know, do you play with your child every day? Do you hug and kiss your child every day? Some of them are, do you expect your child to do what you want them to do? The second you want them to do it and

39:08 - 39:47
Celia-Guest: understand even that. And they all learn through the system, through our work together, that that doesn't work and why it doesn't work so that you know that what you're doing is coming from a place of knowledge. You're not just doing it because well, I read somebody I should try this tip. This is a great tip. I'm going to try it. Oh, it didn't work. And then we give up because we weren't consistent with anything. 21 days is giving you the information. It's your job now to be consistent with what you learned and don't give up. Failure,

39:47 - 40:22
Celia-Guest: the opposite of success is not failure because failure is on the road to success. Nobody succeeds without failure. The opposite of success is giving up. If you give up, you will never succeed. And our parents that have been through the course that work with me privately, they, they don't work with me for years and years. Why? They don't have to. I don't work with people like, you know, I mean, they want to talk to me for a long time. They can, they come back, you know, sometimes they're like having an issue. Can we have a call

40:22 - 40:45
Celia-Guest: together? Something like that. We're not quite sure what to do. All fine, but they don't keep working forever. We get the problem solved so that it can resolve as soon as possible because it's all for the best of your children, your family, and really creating harmony for generations to come.

40:45 - 41:11
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. And 21 days is a blink. It's literally a blink. Oh my gosh. I love it. Well, thank you. I just love the work you're doing. I'm so glad you came on to talk about this because I think it's so vital. Can you please tell us where I know we can hear you? I'm humped up parenting podcast. Tell us where to find you, how to work with you. Give us all the good stuff I can put in the show notes.

41:12 - 41:54
Celia-Guest: Okay. So thank you again for having me. Cheryl, I had a wonderful time talking to you. I feel like we'll be friends for days to come. We connect. We blend. Yes. But so to get the 21 Days to Stop Yelling program, go to quit yelling.com, quit yelling.com, but put in the coupon code podcast. So very simple podcast. What is that going to give you? It's like over 60% off. I mean, even at full price, It's pretty affordable to 1 time fee pretty low. But with the discount, it's like under $50. So and that's all you pay.

41:54 - 42:29
Celia-Guest: It's not like you pay it regularly. That's it. And what else can you invest that kind of money in and see a total turnaround of your family, the stress every day in your life, the stress in your children's lives, the chaos that you live when you come home. What if that didn't have to be there? It doesn't have to be there. You can come home to smiles, not people hiding out in their rooms. You come home to hugs. Isn't that a much better way to come home? Is that a much better way to start your day?

42:30 - 42:31
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. Yeah.

42:32 - 43:13
Celia-Guest: What will your life not be like in 21 days? What will 22 days from now be like if you don't do this? Think about that. Yeah. You can also follow me on Instagram, parenting, underscore expert underscore toddlers. But I, like I said, I work with parents of all age groups and teenagers, parents with teens, parents with older children. I work with teens, with kids. So I work with everybody. And if you'd like to set up a call with me, go to Celia's calendar.com Celia's calendar.com and just have a little half hour call. We'll talk about what's

43:13 - 43:16
Celia-Guest: going on in your life and how we can make it better.

43:16 - 43:23
Cheryl-Host: Love it. It's all going in the show notes for people who like me are not going to remember anything that you just said, except

43:23 - 43:24
Celia-Guest: I am never going

43:24 - 43:25
Cheryl-Host: to forget 21 days.

43:25 - 43:26
Celia-Guest: There you go.

43:26 - 43:27
Cheryl-Host: Never going to forget that. I think that's amazing.

43:27 - 43:30
Celia-Guest: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Quit yelling. Dot com.

43:31 - 43:52
Cheryl-Host: Thank you, Celia. I really appreciate the work you do and hopefully we can get on this again and do something. I think a lot of fun, a lot of fun and so important. So parents, listeners share this. You never know what's happening in somebody's house. And this could just be so vitally important.

43:52 - 43:55
Celia-Guest: And this world needs a lot less anger and rage.

43:55 - 43:56
Cheryl-Host: Oh my goodness.

43:56 - 44:04
Celia-Guest: And we're not going to stop it unless we stop it right in our homes. Right. Good. Good. Thank you, Cheryl, for having me.

44:04 - 44:09
Cheryl-Host: It's been an absolute pleasure. Ah, thank you. Thank you for listening. See you next time.

44:10 - 44:17
Speaker 1: Teen Minds, redefined with Cheryl Pankhurst. New episodes out every Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by.