#41 "Embracing Introverted Teens: Expert Tips from Celena McBride"

#introvert #parenting #teenagers #mentalhealth #empathy #compassion #selfacceptance #authenticity #introvertsheart #podcast #anxiety #selfcare #empath #introvertedteen #introvertedparenting #teenmindsredefinedpodcast

In this episode of Teen Minds Redefined, we dive into the world of introverted teens with special guest Selena McBride, founder of The Introvert's Heart. Selena shares her mission to help introverted teens navigate the chaos and find peace, offering expert advice for parents on raising introverted teens. Join us as we discuss the importance of allowing individuals to be their authentic selves with no judgment, and how to foster meaningful connections with introverted teens. Tune in to The Introvert's Heart podcast with Selena for more insightful conversations on introversion and personal growth. Don't miss out on this valuable discussion that could change the way you approach parenting and relationships. Subscribe, download, and share to spread the message of embracing authenticity and understanding introverted individuals.

Cheryl -Host

00:05

Have you ever felt like the world is just a little too loud? Well our guest today, Selena McBride, is a silent but mighty force who knows exactly how you feel. As the founder of the introvert's heart, she's here to help us navigate the chaos and find peace Parents get ready for some expert advice on raising your introverted teen Welcome to another episode of teen minds redefined and I'm really excited to get into this conversation like every episode my mission is for parents to stop saying, I wish these teenage years were over and start really having an impactful relationship with their teen and just loving those 4 or 5 years that you've got them in your hands and fostering them just to be their own authentic selves is my mission. So today we have Selena McBride.

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Cheryl -Host

00:57

Welcome Selena. I'm so glad to have you today.

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Celena-Guest

01:00

Thank you Cheryl. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

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Cheryl -Host

01:05

Well, let's start. Like, what is your story? What is your mission?

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Cheryl -Host

01:08

Tell us all the things about you and how you got to where you are right now.

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Celena-Guest

01:13

Well, My name is Selena McBride. I live and am from North Carolina. I started my company, The Introvert's Heart last year.

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Celena-Guest

01:26

God times lies, oh my goodness. I started in 2023. It was 1 of those things where me being an introvert, I love being by myself and alone. I can spend all kind of time by myself and it's great.

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Celena-Guest

01:44

But then 1 day I woke up and I was like, you know, I think I'm a little bit even too isolated and not cultivating my friendships with, you know, girlfriends or anything like that. And I was like, I need to work on that. And so as I was going into turning 50 in 2023, I really wanted to, I said I was going to take that year and actually listen to God. I know he had been trying to speak to me my whole life and I had an amazing life, but I knew he was trying to get my attention to do other things.

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Celena-Guest

02:20

And I said, OK, I'm going to turn and listen to you this year just because I knew I could never be that perfect Christian. So it pushed me away for a long time, like all these Christians that act like they don't do anything wrong or have any fun or they're judging everybody. That was not interesting to me. But I discovered that I could do it.

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Celena-Guest

02:45

We all get to have our own spiritual walk, whether that's with God, the universe, whoever you need to call it other than yourself, in the way that works for you. And there's no right or wrong way because it's a personal connection. And I think that that's 1 of the things I'm trying to spread and help other people realize that it's not a 1 size fits all. I tell people it's not 1 size.

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Celena-Guest

03:15

We as women know it is not 1 size fits all when it comes to clothes. It certainly is not like that in any other aspect in life either.

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Cheryl -Host

03:25

Rude story. So tell us, you're an introvert. I want to know first of all, let's really clarify, what is an introvert?

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Cheryl -Host

03:39

What is an extrovert? And why do we need to know?

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Celena-Guest

03:42

Right. Great question. It's 1 of the other things I'm trying to do is to spell the myths about what an introvert is. You know, it doesn't mean that we're all shy or we can't function and we're weird in society, right?

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Celena-Guest

03:57

I am an introvert and I know it surprises a lot of people, but 1, introverts have to be interested in the conversation. We're not small talk people. We want to talk about things that are important. It doesn't mean that we're deep 24 7, but like I always say, if you just want to talk about the weather or what you're going to eat for dinner, that's not very stimulating to me.

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Celena-Guest

04:24

So, but as soon as you get something that we, that particular introvert, is interested in, so here's a tip to the parents, if your child, if you're having trouble communicating with your child, truly take interest in whatever they're interested in and ask them about that, non-judgmental, And that's where you're going to find their joy, their spark, where they won't stop talking. Introverts, it's how we recover. We have so much going on in our head. We're processing constantly our conversations, our thoughts, we're learning new stuff.

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Celena-Guest

05:05

And so once we go out into the world, we need to come and process that event, you know, that day, that party, that school day, you know, we have to come in and kind of work through it for ourselves because we have a lot going on. Extroverts, they don't always need that, you know, they could just keep talking, they could just keep going, you know, They say it, they move on. It's not always so deep for them. And I feel like introverts, 95% of our lives is very deep and we can't help it because we're empaths.

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Celena-Guest

05:45

So we're not only just thinking about ourselves and what we're experiencing. It's like Okay, are they okay? Are they having this a good experience? We're very concerned about the other people and it could be a lot

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Cheryl -Host

06:00

Yeah, a hundred percent and I You know more even looking at your work and what you do, I totally recognize myself as an introvert and I know there's probably people out there going, you're shooting your mouth off every day on a podcast. Yes, you're right. Because I love what I'm talking about.

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Cheryl -Host

06:21

Because I think there's value in our conversations. And if you'll notice, my podcast don't have a whole lot of small talk. We don't talk about little things and there's nothing wrong with that but it just as soon as that goes down that path I have to switch gears right away or I start doing my grocery list in my head. I just zoom like zone right out.

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Cheryl -Host

06:50

And when I do these podcasts, I could do 5 in a row, no problem. But when I'm done, I am crashing and burning. I need silent, I need to plug my headphones in. I need to pretend I just can't have any conversation and I need to completely recharge, like plugging myself into the electrical unit again to kind of recharge.

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Cheryl -Host

07:14

So I totally understand that. And then I think sometimes it's challenging because I don't speak with a lot of details. So, you know, how was your day today? It was great.

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Cheryl -Host

07:30

Well, what happened with this meeting and where did you go? Fine, fine, I'm done. Like that's all you need to know. And I think because I don't hold on to everything as well.

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Cheryl -Host

07:42

Like I don't regurgitate the information either. It's just, It happened an hour ago and now it's done. Good, bad, ugly, doesn't matter. So I think that can, you know, I'm thinking about at home being a parent and you know, mom's a complete extrovert and daughter's a complete introvert.

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Cheryl -Host

08:02

What does that look like at home? That's what I want to know.

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Celena-Guest

08:07

Yeah, and that's what I think that it's kind of like we had this conversation I just hosted. I told you about it. I just hosted my first Glam Divine Feminine Healing Retreat this past weekend outside of Charlotte, North Carolina at Lake Norman.

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Celena-Guest

08:25

And it was wonderful. We had a great time. But I think we were talking about in that group is that you have to meet people where they are, kind of like the love languages, right? We don't all talk the same.

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Celena-Guest

08:43

We don't all need the same thing. And you kind of have to respect that. And I think that's really 1 of my pushes for the world is the world wants to make the introverts extroverts. You know, you see it in school, you see it at work, come do something in front of the class, lead this group.

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Celena-Guest

09:05

But if that's not that person's strong suit, we're trying to adapt them to the extroverted world. So if you have a, if you're, my mom is an extrovert and I'm an introvert and I'm kind of like you with it's kind of like it's not that I don't want to share but 1 I'm just going to be honest most of the time those extroverts aren't really listening right so I find that if I tell you that story and then you come back and you ask me later, I'm like, you didn't even listen to me at all. So I'm not going to waste my time telling you a story just because you want me to run my mouth like you do. And we find it actually, I find it actually insulting and kind of rude because you ask me, I tell you and you're not even listening.

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Celena-Guest

09:52

That's why I go, oh, it's great. It was fine. Because like you, it's kind of like the, I don't cry over spilt milk. And I also don't talk in depth about things that have already transpired unless it's actually gonna be beneficial to that person.

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Celena-Guest

10:12

Right?

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Cheryl -Host

10:13

Yes, good point.

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Celena-Guest

10:15

Cause like if my fiance wants to know every detail about this women's retreat, no, he doesn't for 1 thing. He's just trying to see if he can get me to talk. Number 2, it has nothing to do with you because you don't even think that way.

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Celena-Guest

10:28

So and it's not it's and as introverts and empaths, we know people, right? So we know who's really interested and who's really not. So I just don't get into that part of it, right? I'm like, do you really wanna know?

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Celena-Guest

10:47

Yeah, I think you would really want to know this. So I'll share this with you, but am I going to share it with everybody? No, because we adapt ourselves, our conversation, and our environment to the people that we're around because as empaths it's much more important to us that you're comfortable than we are because we can soothe ourselves later in our silence. We'll work it out there.

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Cheryl -Host

11:18

Well and I find in our quiet we can read the room so well. And you're right. And as an empath, for those who aren't aware of what an empath is, is you take on the emotion, good, bad, ugly, sad, trauma from whoever you're talking to, connecting with in the room, doesn't matter.

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Cheryl -Host

11:46

And you will know because if somebody tells you somebody, especially somebody you love, tells you something that's bothering them, you don't just start registering how you can help them. You feel it. Like it's a visceral punch before you are able to kind of separate yourself and be able to help. I think it's like I feel it all the time if something's happening with my kids, or you know, a good friend or my partner, I immediately feel it like a punch right in the heart.

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Cheryl -Host

12:21

And so that's, you know, I just wanted to make sure people knew what an empath, you know, if they hadn't heard that term, that's what it is. And I feel like, yeah, we are able to sort of read the room and. And get the vibe.

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Celena-Guest

12:36

Right. Oh my God. It's like crazy. If you are even a little bit tapped in, you could, like I've walked into places.

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Celena-Guest

12:45

I remember 1 day I walked into my past job and I went to the first coworker and she was kind of like, oh yeah, whatever. And I went to the next 1 and I was like, something going on is feeling kind of frosty in here. And so then I find out that she sent a mean email to that 1. So the whole thing, but I felt it as soon as I

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Cheryl -Host

13:05

stepped in.

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Celena-Guest

13:07

It's palpable.

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Cheryl -Host

13:09

Which in turn, let's switch gears and the parent is an introvert, but the kid is an extrovert. So what does that look like now? How do we, as the parent, we're the leader, we're the mentor, we're the coach, as the parent, how do we navigate that relationship?

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Cheryl -Host

13:31

How do we, in our heads, we're going, Oh my god, they're never gonna shut up. They're never gonna show and You know, you also never want to shut down your kids conversation because if that's how you're connecting Like what does that look like and how do we how do we manage that? So we're both fulfilled. How do we do that?

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Celena-Guest

13:54

I think that for me, I think actually that's like the dream relationship to me actually, where you have an introverted parent that's like, oh, you need some space. Oh, I'll give you space, you know, or you don't wanna talk right now, I get it. You know, I think that that's actually a great thing for teens, maybe.

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Celena-Guest

14:15

But for me, I think it all really has to be that we all have to get to being just honest with each other about what we need. So even if you're the parent, unless your kid is in the middle of chaos and they really need you, which as an empath, that's what we do. We're there, we're rising to the occasion. We're taking on that burden, whatever you're feeling, we wanna fix it, we wanna help you.

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Celena-Guest

14:47

But also if you are having a moment where it's like, I'm having a tough day. I think parents need to be more honest with kids that They don't have it all figured out. They're doing the best that they can today has been tough for me And I meet you back here in an hour Can I go and decompress and let's really talk about it? But No 1 wants to make a mistake or be like, oh, I abandoned my child.

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Celena-Guest

15:22

But like I say, everybody is so serious about everything. But most things are not brain surgery and no one's getting ready to die. So we can all just relax for a second. I know it might feel like the end of the world at that moment, but we kind of all need to take a breath sometimes and breathe.

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Celena-Guest

15:45

And is it easier said than done? Absolutely. How many times should I have just walked away from my partner and been like, I'll come back in an hour, but I don't, that gets us into a whole thing because he's not respecting my boundary that I need an hour and then he's like oh she's not listening to me you know and so it's a conversation that he and I really had to have it's not about you it's about if you want me to stay sane I'm asking you to give me an hour. Yeah.

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Celena-Guest

16:21

I think everybody needs to do that.

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Cheryl -Host

16:24

And I think I've done 32 episodes now, and I don't think There's been 1 episode where we haven't in some way touched on, we need to be authentic. We need to be honest with ourselves. And for a million reasons, but 1 is that we're showing our kids, We're totally setting a beautiful example saying, I'm human.

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Cheryl -Host

16:51

I need to ask for something that I need right now. How beautiful is that we send our kids out in the world going, I'm allowed to make a mistake. I'm allowed to apologize. I'm allowed to back off.

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Cheryl -Host

17:02

I'm allowed to ask for space. Like that is a gift that we give them that they take for the rest of their lives instead of the band-aid of, listen, you're not gonna shut up, you need to go to your room for an hour. That's, you know, it's a completely different shift in mindset when it comes to parenting teens or it's you know, it's we shift from parenting to almost coaching leading guiding which does not mean soft not like letting them get away with everything They have to be my friend. I certainly don't believe in any of that.

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Cheryl -Host

17:41

But I do believe in when we lean into the coaching and the mentor piece, we are now pushing them up from behind, like good leaders do. And I think that's, you know, and asking for space and recognizing, you know, our deficits in some ways, you know, and admitting to that, like being self-aware and then saying, listen, This is who I am and this is what I need right now. Oh, what a gift I think it's such a good point that you made there such a good point

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Celena-Guest

18:14

Yeah, if we all can get out of judging each other and like, why'd you do that or what? And a lot of that comes from fear of what other people are gonna think about what our kids done or what we have done. It's not about what really happened.

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Celena-Guest

18:33

It's like, oh God, now the world's gonna think I'm a crappy parent or I got a crazy kid or, you know, you make it about something that's not really what it's about. It's that person was going through something, made a decision or got into a situation, good or bad, how do we move forward? Because I'm all about how we move forward. If you just want to sit, and a lot of extroverts like to do this, just sit and commiserate about the misery and how awful things are, that's not me.

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Celena-Guest

19:05

I wanna, don't bring it up to me unless we wanna talk about how we're gonna fix it. Or what we can do to make it better, but just to sit and complain. And It's a really bad habit. It's like, almost like pessimism, being judgmental of other people so that people are judgmental of other people to make themselves feel better about who they are and not deal with their own stuff.

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Celena-Guest

19:32

Well, at least I'm not doing what she's doing. At least I'm not doing, you know. Yeah. And it's how are we actually.

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Celena-Guest

19:42

My goal here is to teach people to bring compassion, empathy, your heart back into this world. That's my assignment. It's like Maya Angelou said, people may forget what you said, they may forget what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. And so just coming from the heart, my thing is to keep it simple, sweetie, right?

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Celena-Guest

20:08

Just don't be an a-hole. Just be kind, put yourself in other people's shoes and be like, Oh, I can see that how that was hard for you or it's a tough situation How can I help you? That's it?

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Cheryl -Host

20:23

Yeah, and and when we talk about the judging we're also Need to stop judging ourselves as Parents like we you know from me you made a good point you meet people where they're at meaning anything you've done prior to a conversation is you did the best you could with what you had. And I always say parents, parent out of love, 99% of the time. Right.

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Cheryl -Host

20:51

And so when you know you're coming from love and you've made a mistake, then you can forgive yourself. Stop judging yourself And how you're right. How do you move forward from here? And I think that's that's so important because we can slam ourselves as parents all the time and and Sometimes it's just having these types of conversations jumping into podcasts jumping into you know those sorts of things where you're hearing, you know, that shift in mindset that you had no idea was there.

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Cheryl -Host

21:25

Sometimes it's just, you know, I feel like people sometimes have a blind spot and I just wanna hold that flashlight and say, there it is, there's the light. And they know, they know, they don't need Anybody to tell them what to do They just need to kind of shine the light on that blind spot and say oh, okay and sometimes it's previous trauma Sometimes it's just we're parenting because our parents parented like that because they were parented like that. And change the world is very different. And so we, it's an absolute necessity that we shift our mindset into, you know, encompassing all the changes that are happening in this world.

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Cheryl -Host

22:06

We're not just in this little box of parenting. So I want to go and when we talk about introverts, There's always this, oh, she's just shy. Can we talk about that comment? Oh, she's just shy, or he's just shy, or they are just shy.

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Cheryl -Host

22:27

Talk about that. Talk about how that feels to you.

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Celena-Guest

22:32

Yeah, you know, well, it's like I said, it's people's their own Things that they're dealing with or their thoughts or whatever Is how we view the world and other people a lot, right? And so because I didn't present the same way as my mom and my sister, then I was the shy 1. I was the quiet 1, you know?

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Celena-Guest

22:55

But like you said before, we're just sitting back and we're just observing, especially in a new situation. And I sit back and being quiet, we figure out who thinks they're in charge in a room, who actually really is in charge. You know, We find a lot out and then we come in because I could say it's like a Military thing is they call it recon. It's like we're in there.

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Celena-Guest

23:25

We're getting the lay of the land figuring out the people Where we fit in that group? And it's not if you actually give us a minute to get comfortable with you and feel safe in there, then we become these people who people are like, oh, you're an introvert? Who would have known? But we need to be comfortable and feel protected I'm a I am a cancer.

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Celena-Guest

23:54

I am a middle child. I am an introvert So all that stuff makes me very Internal You know, I've got trauma from being a middle child, not feeling good enough and trying to measure up to these people and getting lost in the shuffle feeling like I got lost in the shuffle. But then I was very sensitive as a cancer and an introvert and my mom and sister are not that way. Not that I'm blaming them.

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Celena-Guest

24:24

We were just very different. So I'd you'd say something to me, I'd start crying And my mom's like, I can't say anything to you. You're gonna start crying. I'm like, I'm just sensitive.

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Celena-Guest

24:35

I can't help it. But you know, it's seen as a flaw. So, you know, that early I got the message. It was, and it's not that she meant it.

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Celena-Guest

24:44

And I always tell her this. You were doing the best you can, right? I have had a really good friend and when she was having her kids younger, she was like, oh, I'm so worried about this and this. I said, listen, you got to let that go, because it's going to be that 1 thing.

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Celena-Guest

25:01

You were so worried about these things because that's what happened to you you want to make sure you don't Repeat that pattern with your kids and then that kid is gonna come back to you in 20 years and be like Oh, you messed me up Because of this and you're gonna be like, oh my god, I tried that Because you were all just doing our best. Yeah, that's all you can do is your best.

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Cheryl -Host

25:23

Yeah, honey 100% Is there a point where if our kids are? Introverts Is Is it a myth where they need to have more friends or is there a point in time where we go, I'm worried this might not be introversion, this might be isolation. Is there a point where we need to go, I need to jump in here, I need to do something different?

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Celena-Guest

25:57

I would say so. Like if you don't have, cause that's the thing with me, When I went to school, it was kind of almost totally different because I was amongst my peers. I fit in.

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Celena-Guest

26:09

I was kind of very extroverted because I stayed in the same place really my whole life growing up and I had a good school experience. So for me, it was kind of opposite. It was my home life that I kind of felt lost and then school was okay. But if you have a child, I think there's never any, I don't think there's a number.

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Celena-Guest

26:32

But as long as they have someone in their life that they can talk to, they only need that 1 friend, that 2 friends. They don't need to be the most popular person in the school. You just need to know, And you can see that in your child if they're at peace or if there's trauma going on but if they're comfortable who they are, but you have the parent had the dream of Well, I'd love for her to be head cheerleader because I wasn't and that's what I wanted to do don't put Your stuff on your chin Because you're trying to you know, I Say it like the women and I'm not talking about it because I hosted a pageant for a while but like the ladies who have their kids and the pageants like toddlers and tierras, you know, a lot of them Their life is not quite going how they thought, you know, and they are like, oh I'm gonna live vicariously people putting their kids in the entertainment industry, you know Bicariously through you're trying to redo your life through your child parents need to stop doing that Stop doing that

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Cheryl -Host

27:45

They don't have to go to university. They don't have to have the life that you didn't have. None of that, none of that.

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Cheryl -Host

27:51

Thank you. Thank you. And they don't need to be the big, if you are a parent who's an extrovert and enjoy lots of social time and have friends over and dinner over and your kid has dinner and then wants to go to their room because it's too much.

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Celena-Guest

28:07

That's a lot.

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Cheryl -Host

28:08

Then are you concerned about, oh, but all your aunts and uncles are here and all your friends are here and you need to, You know, you need to be here in our space. No, no, we have to really respect that. And this all comes back to, you're having the party because you're an extrovert.

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Cheryl -Host

28:28

Great. They didn't arrange the party, So they don't need to be a big part of that. Great show up, say hi to grandma, go back in your room. Even if you have, if you were to, like does this make sense to say, listen, if you could just spend 5 minutes and then take a half an hour break and then maybe come out for 5 minutes.

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Cheryl -Host

28:48

And you know what? You don't have to explain anything to anybody. It's your kid being who they are and all this permission, like all the things that you're doing here are giving them permission to be who they are because you're being who you are. Does that make

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Celena-Guest

29:03

sense? Oh, it makes so much sense. Because I feel like sometimes parents are using their kid as like a show pony to show whoever, the mother-in-law, the friend, oh, we have it all, it's fine. They're great, life is good.

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Celena-Guest

29:22

We're living the dream over here. That's fine, you don't have to convince everybody else because like I say that goes back to... That goes back to so many people are so worried about fixing what everything looks like on the outside and appearances, where they need to spend more time finding peace with who they are and Where we wake up at 50 and like, okay. Well, this is my life Are you happy if not?

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Celena-Guest

29:51

How can you go fix your life to make your life happier? Instead of acting like it's because there's something wrong with how you're presenting or your kids presenting to the world. Because that's the you behavior, because that's about your fears and insecurities if you're so worried about that to me.

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Cheryl -Host

30:11

And here's the good news. The good news is if You as a mom, a dad, a parent, doesn't matter, are doing the inner work. And it doesn't matter what that is, whether you're reading, whether you're meditating, whether you're walking, whether you're learning about why you reacted the way you did.

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Cheryl -Host

30:28

If you are doing all of that inner work, guess what? It just ripples out.

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Celena-Guest

30:35

Because you

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Cheryl -Host

30:36

are feeling solid and you're feeling peace and you're feeling some joy. And what you're going to start noticing is your reactions to things are going to be very different. How you what you find what you thought was very important before is now not at all important.

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Cheryl -Host

30:54

And that's why it's good news. We don't have to spend any money. We don't have to put them in appointments. We don't have to do all of that because whenever we're authentic the energy field around us goes And it feels so good, and you just have to be there.

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Cheryl -Host

31:12

That's all

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Celena-Guest

31:13

yeah it's Vulnerable and being telling your kid I Don't know what we're gonna do or I don't know how to fix it, but we will figure it out. Like I said, if no one's dead, or brain surgery, it's, we can all fix it. We can all figure it out You know don't act like the mistake that they made Oh, it's the end of the world and you're so now you've ruined all this that we didn't know it's like I Made mistake that that's the thing to me also Parents aren't honest with their kids about all the mistakes and bumps that they went through in life.

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Celena-Guest

31:54

And they try to act like, oh yeah, you know, I'm fine. No problems over here, right? But if you were honest with your kid and said, oh, I that's how you break generational curses. That's how you let things die that are not good for your family, because it is amazing that when parents are not honest with their kids, the behaviors or situations that their kids will repeat that they did, not even knowing that they did it because it's a curse, it's a something in your line that someone has to be vulnerable and set everybody free from like, oh, I did this.

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Celena-Guest

32:39

I did that. Oh, it's fine. Look at me. I did that too.

C

Celena-Guest

32:43

Or I did worse than that. And that's kind of what I do with my goal is for what I help people with is Come to me I don't judge you tell me the worst thing that you dealt with you deal with That you can't let go and I'm like hold my drink let me top it and relieve you of all this worry. Because I did even worse or I've experienced even worse and I'm still standing. You just got to keep going.

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Celena-Guest

33:16

It won't, it just move. It will be, you will, this too shall pass. Does they say this to shall pass?

C-

Cheryl -Host

33:24

Listen, I love 2 lines. I love I love you is a full full sentence. Not I love you because you cleaned your room.

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Cheryl -Host

33:34

I love you because you got an A. I love you because it's just, I love you, full stop. And I love you, do you. And really mean it.

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Cheryl -Host

33:45

You, do you. And in every sense of the word, I just think like those 3 words are just amazing. And I want to, I want to kind of go back a little bit only because when I think about school, when I think about teaching for 25 years and kids with IEPs and kids who full on anxiety about presenting in front of a class. And teachers saying, and not all teachers, some teachers say, well, this is what they have to do this is in the curriculum this is No, it's absolutely not there are ways around it.

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Cheryl -Host

34:24

So parents if your kids are coming home Completely full-blown anxiety because they have to do a presentation Advocate with them that there are differentiated opportunities. They can do a video at home on their phone and send it in. They can do the presentation to 1.

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Celena-Guest

34:46

They can

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Cheryl -Host

34:46

do the presentation to 1 they can do the presentation to 2 they can But this not something if you're an introvert and you are not in your element of what you're talking about This is not something That's a phase that needs to be grown out of because I ran a department for 20 years and for 20 years I had to do staff meetings every week. And I mean for 20 years, so do the math.

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Celena-Guest

35:14

And right,

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Cheryl -Host

35:16

single staff meeting, I spent a half an

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Celena-Guest

35:18

hour feeling like I

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Cheryl -Host

35:19

was going to completely throw up. I was talking to my colleagues and when

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Celena-Guest

35:24

I finished whatever it is I had to

C-

Cheryl -Host

35:25

say, I can honestly tell you My hands shook so bad. My paper was soaked because my hands were sweaty. And I literally had no idea what I said.

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Cheryl -Host

35:37

I did not grow out of it. So let's stop the forcing of this stuff. This is not gonna be the make or break. If they're not going into musical theater, who the hell cares if they can't stand

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Celena-Guest

35:50

up and

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Cheryl -Host

35:50

watch the geography presentation? Stop. Yeah.

C-

Cheryl -Host

35:55

They don't have to.

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Celena-Guest

35:56

Introverts, they're not broken. They're not broken and need fixing. They're fine the way that they are.

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Celena-Guest

36:03

It's up to the teacher, the parents, the adult To find a way to get the best out of that kid in that Situation not like I said 1 size fits all over all gonna stand up in front of the class and we're all gonna do that. No,

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Cheryl -Host

36:21

that's not

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Celena-Guest

36:22

That does not work for me. And now you just Terrorize them for absolutely no reason.

C-

Cheryl -Host

36:28

Yeah. Yeah, Exactly. So I just wanted to put that out there. So parents, please advocate with your kid, but advocate that this is not something that absolutely has to be done for every class.

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Cheryl -Host

36:41

Just putting it out there.

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Celena-Guest

36:43

Awesome.

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Cheryl -Host

36:44

Thank you for entertaining that because it's a little bit of a pet peeve of a life.

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Celena-Guest

36:49

Mine too. Mine too. Yes.

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Celena-Guest

36:51

And then they wonder why that kid is like, oh, I'm not, I don't want to go to school today because I have a presentation and everybody's going to be staring at me and I'm going to feel stupid because a lot of us have imposter syndrome. And we feel like we're not good enough because we're not presenting like the normal people. So we're already in our heads just who we are as empaths. And then we don't want to disappoint people so it's it's layers to why We're having trauma.

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Cheryl -Host

37:27

Yeah, and so many comments It'd be so funny because after the present my stock meetings that I presented to people would say, Oh, you would never know you're nervous. You know what? That's not I don't care.

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Cheryl -Host

37:41

I don't care what it looks like to you. It still creates trauma for me forever. So you know, if your kids masking and you're saying, Oh, you're fine. You looked great.

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Cheryl -Host

37:52

You can do that again. No, there is masking. Don't take that as a confirmation that you're excellent at standing up in front of people. So let's just again, you do you right?

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Cheryl -Host

38:04

You do you love it. So let me tell us how to work with you where to find you this has been such a great conversation I just love that we brought this to the table. It's so important

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Celena-Guest

38:15

It really is. Thank you again for having me. It was wonderful.

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Celena-Guest

38:19

If you want to reach out to me I am at the introverts heart calm Website email my podcast is this introverts heart with Selena. And I talked to introverts of all different kinds and I think it's just a my biggest goal is to blow up the mess of what, we wanna put everybody in a box, whether they're introverts, whether they're extroverts, whether they're women, whether they're men, We need to just get to letting people be Genuinely who they are because that's where you'll get the most help make the most connections when you allow someone to naturally be who they are with no judgment.

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Cheryl -Host

39:09

Yeah, love it. Love it. Thank you.

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Cheryl -Host

39:11

Reach out to Selena, listen to her podcast. Everything is going to be in the show notes. Selena, thank you. Thank you.

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Cheryl -Host

39:17

Thank you for the work that you do and for sharing your passion with us. Thank you for listening. Please make sure you share, download, subscribe, all the things because you just never know who needs to hear this. And when it lands on somebody and it changes their life.

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Cheryl -Host

39:33

What better gift is that? Thank you for listening. Thank you, Selena.

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Celena-Guest

39:37

Thank you, Cheryl.

C-

 

Cheryl -Host

00:05

Have you ever felt like the world is just a little too loud? Well our guest today, Selena McBride, is a silent but mighty force who knows exactly how you feel. As the founder of the introvert's heart, she's here to help us navigate the chaos and find peace Parents get ready for some expert advice on raising your introverted teen Welcome to another episode of teen minds redefined and I'm really excited to get into this conversation like every episode my mission is for parents to stop saying, I wish these teenage years were over and start really having an impactful relationship with their teen and just loving those 4 or 5 years that you've got them in your hands and fostering them just to be their own authentic selves is my mission. So today we have Selena McBride.

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Cheryl -Host

00:57

Welcome Selena. I'm so glad to have you today.

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Celena-Guest

01:00

Thank you Cheryl. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

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Cheryl -Host

01:05

Well, let's start. Like, what is your story? What is your mission?

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Cheryl -Host

01:08

Tell us all the things about you and how you got to where you are right now.

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Celena-Guest

01:13

Well, My name is Selena McBride. I live and am from North Carolina. I started my company, The Introvert's Heart last year.

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Celena-Guest

01:26

God times lies, oh my goodness. I started in 2023. It was 1 of those things where me being an introvert, I love being by myself and alone. I can spend all kind of time by myself and it's great.

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Celena-Guest

01:44

But then 1 day I woke up and I was like, you know, I think I'm a little bit even too isolated and not cultivating my friendships with, you know, girlfriends or anything like that. And I was like, I need to work on that. And so as I was going into turning 50 in 2023, I really wanted to, I said I was going to take that year and actually listen to God. I know he had been trying to speak to me my whole life and I had an amazing life, but I knew he was trying to get my attention to do other things.

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Celena-Guest

02:20

And I said, OK, I'm going to turn and listen to you this year just because I knew I could never be that perfect Christian. So it pushed me away for a long time, like all these Christians that act like they don't do anything wrong or have any fun or they're judging everybody. That was not interesting to me. But I discovered that I could do it.

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Celena-Guest

02:45

We all get to have our own spiritual walk, whether that's with God, the universe, whoever you need to call it other than yourself, in the way that works for you. And there's no right or wrong way because it's a personal connection. And I think that that's 1 of the things I'm trying to spread and help other people realize that it's not a 1 size fits all. I tell people it's not 1 size.

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Celena-Guest

03:15

We as women know it is not 1 size fits all when it comes to clothes. It certainly is not like that in any other aspect in life either.

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Cheryl -Host

03:25

Rude story. So tell us, you're an introvert. I want to know first of all, let's really clarify, what is an introvert?

C-

Cheryl -Host

03:39

What is an extrovert? And why do we need to know?

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Celena-Guest

03:42

Right. Great question. It's 1 of the other things I'm trying to do is to spell the myths about what an introvert is. You know, it doesn't mean that we're all shy or we can't function and we're weird in society, right?

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Celena-Guest

03:57

I am an introvert and I know it surprises a lot of people, but 1, introverts have to be interested in the conversation. We're not small talk people. We want to talk about things that are important. It doesn't mean that we're deep 24 7, but like I always say, if you just want to talk about the weather or what you're going to eat for dinner, that's not very stimulating to me.

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Celena-Guest

04:24

So, but as soon as you get something that we, that particular introvert, is interested in, so here's a tip to the parents, if your child, if you're having trouble communicating with your child, truly take interest in whatever they're interested in and ask them about that, non-judgmental, And that's where you're going to find their joy, their spark, where they won't stop talking. Introverts, it's how we recover. We have so much going on in our head. We're processing constantly our conversations, our thoughts, we're learning new stuff.

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Celena-Guest

05:05

And so once we go out into the world, we need to come and process that event, you know, that day, that party, that school day, you know, we have to come in and kind of work through it for ourselves because we have a lot going on. Extroverts, they don't always need that, you know, they could just keep talking, they could just keep going, you know, They say it, they move on. It's not always so deep for them. And I feel like introverts, 95% of our lives is very deep and we can't help it because we're empaths.

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Celena-Guest

05:45

So we're not only just thinking about ourselves and what we're experiencing. It's like Okay, are they okay? Are they having this a good experience? We're very concerned about the other people and it could be a lot

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Cheryl -Host

06:00

Yeah, a hundred percent and I You know more even looking at your work and what you do, I totally recognize myself as an introvert and I know there's probably people out there going, you're shooting your mouth off every day on a podcast. Yes, you're right. Because I love what I'm talking about.

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Cheryl -Host

06:21

Because I think there's value in our conversations. And if you'll notice, my podcast don't have a whole lot of small talk. We don't talk about little things and there's nothing wrong with that but it just as soon as that goes down that path I have to switch gears right away or I start doing my grocery list in my head. I just zoom like zone right out.

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Cheryl -Host

06:50

And when I do these podcasts, I could do 5 in a row, no problem. But when I'm done, I am crashing and burning. I need silent, I need to plug my headphones in. I need to pretend I just can't have any conversation and I need to completely recharge, like plugging myself into the electrical unit again to kind of recharge.

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Cheryl -Host

07:14

So I totally understand that. And then I think sometimes it's challenging because I don't speak with a lot of details. So, you know, how was your day today? It was great.

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Cheryl -Host

07:30

Well, what happened with this meeting and where did you go? Fine, fine, I'm done. Like that's all you need to know. And I think because I don't hold on to everything as well.

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Cheryl -Host

07:42

Like I don't regurgitate the information either. It's just, It happened an hour ago and now it's done. Good, bad, ugly, doesn't matter. So I think that can, you know, I'm thinking about at home being a parent and you know, mom's a complete extrovert and daughter's a complete introvert.

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Cheryl -Host

08:02

What does that look like at home? That's what I want to know.

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Celena-Guest

08:07

Yeah, and that's what I think that it's kind of like we had this conversation I just hosted. I told you about it. I just hosted my first Glam Divine Feminine Healing Retreat this past weekend outside of Charlotte, North Carolina at Lake Norman.

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Celena-Guest

08:25

And it was wonderful. We had a great time. But I think we were talking about in that group is that you have to meet people where they are, kind of like the love languages, right? We don't all talk the same.

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Celena-Guest

08:43

We don't all need the same thing. And you kind of have to respect that. And I think that's really 1 of my pushes for the world is the world wants to make the introverts extroverts. You know, you see it in school, you see it at work, come do something in front of the class, lead this group.

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Celena-Guest

09:05

But if that's not that person's strong suit, we're trying to adapt them to the extroverted world. So if you have a, if you're, my mom is an extrovert and I'm an introvert and I'm kind of like you with it's kind of like it's not that I don't want to share but 1 I'm just going to be honest most of the time those extroverts aren't really listening right so I find that if I tell you that story and then you come back and you ask me later, I'm like, you didn't even listen to me at all. So I'm not going to waste my time telling you a story just because you want me to run my mouth like you do. And we find it actually, I find it actually insulting and kind of rude because you ask me, I tell you and you're not even listening.

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Celena-Guest

09:52

That's why I go, oh, it's great. It was fine. Because like you, it's kind of like the, I don't cry over spilt milk. And I also don't talk in depth about things that have already transpired unless it's actually gonna be beneficial to that person.

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Celena-Guest

10:12

Right?

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Cheryl -Host

10:13

Yes, good point.

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Celena-Guest

10:15

Cause like if my fiance wants to know every detail about this women's retreat, no, he doesn't for 1 thing. He's just trying to see if he can get me to talk. Number 2, it has nothing to do with you because you don't even think that way.

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Celena-Guest

10:28

So and it's not it's and as introverts and empaths, we know people, right? So we know who's really interested and who's really not. So I just don't get into that part of it, right? I'm like, do you really wanna know?

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Celena-Guest

10:47

Yeah, I think you would really want to know this. So I'll share this with you, but am I going to share it with everybody? No, because we adapt ourselves, our conversation, and our environment to the people that we're around because as empaths it's much more important to us that you're comfortable than we are because we can soothe ourselves later in our silence. We'll work it out there.

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Cheryl -Host

11:18

Well and I find in our quiet we can read the room so well. And you're right. And as an empath, for those who aren't aware of what an empath is, is you take on the emotion, good, bad, ugly, sad, trauma from whoever you're talking to, connecting with in the room, doesn't matter.

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Cheryl -Host

11:46

And you will know because if somebody tells you somebody, especially somebody you love, tells you something that's bothering them, you don't just start registering how you can help them. You feel it. Like it's a visceral punch before you are able to kind of separate yourself and be able to help. I think it's like I feel it all the time if something's happening with my kids, or you know, a good friend or my partner, I immediately feel it like a punch right in the heart.

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Cheryl -Host

12:21

And so that's, you know, I just wanted to make sure people knew what an empath, you know, if they hadn't heard that term, that's what it is. And I feel like, yeah, we are able to sort of read the room and. And get the vibe.

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Celena-Guest

12:36

Right. Oh my God. It's like crazy. If you are even a little bit tapped in, you could, like I've walked into places.

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Celena-Guest

12:45

I remember 1 day I walked into my past job and I went to the first coworker and she was kind of like, oh yeah, whatever. And I went to the next 1 and I was like, something going on is feeling kind of frosty in here. And so then I find out that she sent a mean email to that 1. So the whole thing, but I felt it as soon as I

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Cheryl -Host

13:05

stepped in.

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Celena-Guest

13:07

It's palpable.

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Cheryl -Host

13:09

Which in turn, let's switch gears and the parent is an introvert, but the kid is an extrovert. So what does that look like now? How do we, as the parent, we're the leader, we're the mentor, we're the coach, as the parent, how do we navigate that relationship?

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Cheryl -Host

13:31

How do we, in our heads, we're going, Oh my god, they're never gonna shut up. They're never gonna show and You know, you also never want to shut down your kids conversation because if that's how you're connecting Like what does that look like and how do we how do we manage that? So we're both fulfilled. How do we do that?

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Celena-Guest

13:54

I think that for me, I think actually that's like the dream relationship to me actually, where you have an introverted parent that's like, oh, you need some space. Oh, I'll give you space, you know, or you don't wanna talk right now, I get it. You know, I think that that's actually a great thing for teens, maybe.

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Celena-Guest

14:15

But for me, I think it all really has to be that we all have to get to being just honest with each other about what we need. So even if you're the parent, unless your kid is in the middle of chaos and they really need you, which as an empath, that's what we do. We're there, we're rising to the occasion. We're taking on that burden, whatever you're feeling, we wanna fix it, we wanna help you.

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Celena-Guest

14:47

But also if you are having a moment where it's like, I'm having a tough day. I think parents need to be more honest with kids that They don't have it all figured out. They're doing the best that they can today has been tough for me And I meet you back here in an hour Can I go and decompress and let's really talk about it? But No 1 wants to make a mistake or be like, oh, I abandoned my child.

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Celena-Guest

15:22

But like I say, everybody is so serious about everything. But most things are not brain surgery and no one's getting ready to die. So we can all just relax for a second. I know it might feel like the end of the world at that moment, but we kind of all need to take a breath sometimes and breathe.

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Celena-Guest

15:45

And is it easier said than done? Absolutely. How many times should I have just walked away from my partner and been like, I'll come back in an hour, but I don't, that gets us into a whole thing because he's not respecting my boundary that I need an hour and then he's like oh she's not listening to me you know and so it's a conversation that he and I really had to have it's not about you it's about if you want me to stay sane I'm asking you to give me an hour. Yeah.

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Celena-Guest

16:21

I think everybody needs to do that.

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Cheryl -Host

16:24

And I think I've done 32 episodes now, and I don't think There's been 1 episode where we haven't in some way touched on, we need to be authentic. We need to be honest with ourselves. And for a million reasons, but 1 is that we're showing our kids, We're totally setting a beautiful example saying, I'm human.

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Cheryl -Host

16:51

I need to ask for something that I need right now. How beautiful is that we send our kids out in the world going, I'm allowed to make a mistake. I'm allowed to apologize. I'm allowed to back off.

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Cheryl -Host

17:02

I'm allowed to ask for space. Like that is a gift that we give them that they take for the rest of their lives instead of the band-aid of, listen, you're not gonna shut up, you need to go to your room for an hour. That's, you know, it's a completely different shift in mindset when it comes to parenting teens or it's you know, it's we shift from parenting to almost coaching leading guiding which does not mean soft not like letting them get away with everything They have to be my friend. I certainly don't believe in any of that.

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Cheryl -Host

17:41

But I do believe in when we lean into the coaching and the mentor piece, we are now pushing them up from behind, like good leaders do. And I think that's, you know, and asking for space and recognizing, you know, our deficits in some ways, you know, and admitting to that, like being self-aware and then saying, listen, This is who I am and this is what I need right now. Oh, what a gift I think it's such a good point that you made there such a good point

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Celena-Guest

18:14

Yeah, if we all can get out of judging each other and like, why'd you do that or what? And a lot of that comes from fear of what other people are gonna think about what our kids done or what we have done. It's not about what really happened.

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Celena-Guest

18:33

It's like, oh God, now the world's gonna think I'm a crappy parent or I got a crazy kid or, you know, you make it about something that's not really what it's about. It's that person was going through something, made a decision or got into a situation, good or bad, how do we move forward? Because I'm all about how we move forward. If you just want to sit, and a lot of extroverts like to do this, just sit and commiserate about the misery and how awful things are, that's not me.

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Celena-Guest

19:05

I wanna, don't bring it up to me unless we wanna talk about how we're gonna fix it. Or what we can do to make it better, but just to sit and complain. And It's a really bad habit. It's like, almost like pessimism, being judgmental of other people so that people are judgmental of other people to make themselves feel better about who they are and not deal with their own stuff.

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Celena-Guest

19:32

Well, at least I'm not doing what she's doing. At least I'm not doing, you know. Yeah. And it's how are we actually.

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Celena-Guest

19:42

My goal here is to teach people to bring compassion, empathy, your heart back into this world. That's my assignment. It's like Maya Angelou said, people may forget what you said, they may forget what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. And so just coming from the heart, my thing is to keep it simple, sweetie, right?

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Celena-Guest

20:08

Just don't be an a-hole. Just be kind, put yourself in other people's shoes and be like, Oh, I can see that how that was hard for you or it's a tough situation How can I help you? That's it?

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Cheryl -Host

20:23

Yeah, and and when we talk about the judging we're also Need to stop judging ourselves as Parents like we you know from me you made a good point you meet people where they're at meaning anything you've done prior to a conversation is you did the best you could with what you had. And I always say parents, parent out of love, 99% of the time. Right.

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Cheryl -Host

20:51

And so when you know you're coming from love and you've made a mistake, then you can forgive yourself. Stop judging yourself And how you're right. How do you move forward from here? And I think that's that's so important because we can slam ourselves as parents all the time and and Sometimes it's just having these types of conversations jumping into podcasts jumping into you know those sorts of things where you're hearing, you know, that shift in mindset that you had no idea was there.

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Cheryl -Host

21:25

Sometimes it's just, you know, I feel like people sometimes have a blind spot and I just wanna hold that flashlight and say, there it is, there's the light. And they know, they know, they don't need Anybody to tell them what to do They just need to kind of shine the light on that blind spot and say oh, okay and sometimes it's previous trauma Sometimes it's just we're parenting because our parents parented like that because they were parented like that. And change the world is very different. And so we, it's an absolute necessity that we shift our mindset into, you know, encompassing all the changes that are happening in this world.

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Cheryl -Host

22:06

We're not just in this little box of parenting. So I want to go and when we talk about introverts, There's always this, oh, she's just shy. Can we talk about that comment? Oh, she's just shy, or he's just shy, or they are just shy.

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Cheryl -Host

22:27

Talk about that. Talk about how that feels to you.

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Celena-Guest

22:32

Yeah, you know, well, it's like I said, it's people's their own Things that they're dealing with or their thoughts or whatever Is how we view the world and other people a lot, right? And so because I didn't present the same way as my mom and my sister, then I was the shy 1. I was the quiet 1, you know?

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Celena-Guest

22:55

But like you said before, we're just sitting back and we're just observing, especially in a new situation. And I sit back and being quiet, we figure out who thinks they're in charge in a room, who actually really is in charge. You know, We find a lot out and then we come in because I could say it's like a Military thing is they call it recon. It's like we're in there.

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Celena-Guest

23:25

We're getting the lay of the land figuring out the people Where we fit in that group? And it's not if you actually give us a minute to get comfortable with you and feel safe in there, then we become these people who people are like, oh, you're an introvert? Who would have known? But we need to be comfortable and feel protected I'm a I am a cancer.

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Celena-Guest

23:54

I am a middle child. I am an introvert So all that stuff makes me very Internal You know, I've got trauma from being a middle child, not feeling good enough and trying to measure up to these people and getting lost in the shuffle feeling like I got lost in the shuffle. But then I was very sensitive as a cancer and an introvert and my mom and sister are not that way. Not that I'm blaming them.

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Celena-Guest

24:24

We were just very different. So I'd you'd say something to me, I'd start crying And my mom's like, I can't say anything to you. You're gonna start crying. I'm like, I'm just sensitive.

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Celena-Guest

24:35

I can't help it. But you know, it's seen as a flaw. So, you know, that early I got the message. It was, and it's not that she meant it.

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Celena-Guest

24:44

And I always tell her this. You were doing the best you can, right? I have had a really good friend and when she was having her kids younger, she was like, oh, I'm so worried about this and this. I said, listen, you got to let that go, because it's going to be that 1 thing.

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Celena-Guest

25:01

You were so worried about these things because that's what happened to you you want to make sure you don't Repeat that pattern with your kids and then that kid is gonna come back to you in 20 years and be like Oh, you messed me up Because of this and you're gonna be like, oh my god, I tried that Because you were all just doing our best. Yeah, that's all you can do is your best.

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Cheryl -Host

25:23

Yeah, honey 100% Is there a point where if our kids are? Introverts Is Is it a myth where they need to have more friends or is there a point in time where we go, I'm worried this might not be introversion, this might be isolation. Is there a point where we need to go, I need to jump in here, I need to do something different?

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Celena-Guest

25:57

I would say so. Like if you don't have, cause that's the thing with me, When I went to school, it was kind of almost totally different because I was amongst my peers. I fit in.

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Celena-Guest

26:09

I was kind of very extroverted because I stayed in the same place really my whole life growing up and I had a good school experience. So for me, it was kind of opposite. It was my home life that I kind of felt lost and then school was okay. But if you have a child, I think there's never any, I don't think there's a number.

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Celena-Guest

26:32

But as long as they have someone in their life that they can talk to, they only need that 1 friend, that 2 friends. They don't need to be the most popular person in the school. You just need to know, And you can see that in your child if they're at peace or if there's trauma going on but if they're comfortable who they are, but you have the parent had the dream of Well, I'd love for her to be head cheerleader because I wasn't and that's what I wanted to do don't put Your stuff on your chin Because you're trying to you know, I Say it like the women and I'm not talking about it because I hosted a pageant for a while but like the ladies who have their kids and the pageants like toddlers and tierras, you know, a lot of them Their life is not quite going how they thought, you know, and they are like, oh I'm gonna live vicariously people putting their kids in the entertainment industry, you know Bicariously through you're trying to redo your life through your child parents need to stop doing that Stop doing that

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Cheryl -Host

27:45

They don't have to go to university. They don't have to have the life that you didn't have. None of that, none of that.

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Cheryl -Host

27:51

Thank you. Thank you. And they don't need to be the big, if you are a parent who's an extrovert and enjoy lots of social time and have friends over and dinner over and your kid has dinner and then wants to go to their room because it's too much.

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Celena-Guest

28:07

That's a lot.

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Cheryl -Host

28:08

Then are you concerned about, oh, but all your aunts and uncles are here and all your friends are here and you need to, You know, you need to be here in our space. No, no, we have to really respect that. And this all comes back to, you're having the party because you're an extrovert.

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Cheryl -Host

28:28

Great. They didn't arrange the party, So they don't need to be a big part of that. Great show up, say hi to grandma, go back in your room. Even if you have, if you were to, like does this make sense to say, listen, if you could just spend 5 minutes and then take a half an hour break and then maybe come out for 5 minutes.

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Cheryl -Host

28:48

And you know what? You don't have to explain anything to anybody. It's your kid being who they are and all this permission, like all the things that you're doing here are giving them permission to be who they are because you're being who you are. Does that make

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Celena-Guest

29:03

sense? Oh, it makes so much sense. Because I feel like sometimes parents are using their kid as like a show pony to show whoever, the mother-in-law, the friend, oh, we have it all, it's fine. They're great, life is good.

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Celena-Guest

29:22

We're living the dream over here. That's fine, you don't have to convince everybody else because like I say that goes back to... That goes back to so many people are so worried about fixing what everything looks like on the outside and appearances, where they need to spend more time finding peace with who they are and Where we wake up at 50 and like, okay. Well, this is my life Are you happy if not?

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Celena-Guest

29:51

How can you go fix your life to make your life happier? Instead of acting like it's because there's something wrong with how you're presenting or your kids presenting to the world. Because that's the you behavior, because that's about your fears and insecurities if you're so worried about that to me.

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Cheryl -Host

30:11

And here's the good news. The good news is if You as a mom, a dad, a parent, doesn't matter, are doing the inner work. And it doesn't matter what that is, whether you're reading, whether you're meditating, whether you're walking, whether you're learning about why you reacted the way you did.

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Cheryl -Host

30:28

If you are doing all of that inner work, guess what? It just ripples out.

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Celena-Guest

30:35

Because you

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Cheryl -Host

30:36

are feeling solid and you're feeling peace and you're feeling some joy. And what you're going to start noticing is your reactions to things are going to be very different. How you what you find what you thought was very important before is now not at all important.

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Cheryl -Host

30:54

And that's why it's good news. We don't have to spend any money. We don't have to put them in appointments. We don't have to do all of that because whenever we're authentic the energy field around us goes And it feels so good, and you just have to be there.

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Cheryl -Host

31:12

That's all

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Celena-Guest

31:13

yeah it's Vulnerable and being telling your kid I Don't know what we're gonna do or I don't know how to fix it, but we will figure it out. Like I said, if no one's dead, or brain surgery, it's, we can all fix it. We can all figure it out You know don't act like the mistake that they made Oh, it's the end of the world and you're so now you've ruined all this that we didn't know it's like I Made mistake that that's the thing to me also Parents aren't honest with their kids about all the mistakes and bumps that they went through in life.

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Celena-Guest

31:54

And they try to act like, oh yeah, you know, I'm fine. No problems over here, right? But if you were honest with your kid and said, oh, I that's how you break generational curses. That's how you let things die that are not good for your family, because it is amazing that when parents are not honest with their kids, the behaviors or situations that their kids will repeat that they did, not even knowing that they did it because it's a curse, it's a something in your line that someone has to be vulnerable and set everybody free from like, oh, I did this.

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Celena-Guest

32:39

I did that. Oh, it's fine. Look at me. I did that too.

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Celena-Guest

32:43

Or I did worse than that. And that's kind of what I do with my goal is for what I help people with is Come to me I don't judge you tell me the worst thing that you dealt with you deal with That you can't let go and I'm like hold my drink let me top it and relieve you of all this worry. Because I did even worse or I've experienced even worse and I'm still standing. You just got to keep going.

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Celena-Guest

33:16

It won't, it just move. It will be, you will, this too shall pass. Does they say this to shall pass?

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Cheryl -Host

33:24

Listen, I love 2 lines. I love I love you is a full full sentence. Not I love you because you cleaned your room.

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Cheryl -Host

33:34

I love you because you got an A. I love you because it's just, I love you, full stop. And I love you, do you. And really mean it.

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Cheryl -Host

33:45

You, do you. And in every sense of the word, I just think like those 3 words are just amazing. And I want to, I want to kind of go back a little bit only because when I think about school, when I think about teaching for 25 years and kids with IEPs and kids who full on anxiety about presenting in front of a class. And teachers saying, and not all teachers, some teachers say, well, this is what they have to do this is in the curriculum this is No, it's absolutely not there are ways around it.

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Cheryl -Host

34:24

So parents if your kids are coming home Completely full-blown anxiety because they have to do a presentation Advocate with them that there are differentiated opportunities. They can do a video at home on their phone and send it in. They can do the presentation to 1.

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Celena-Guest

34:46

They can

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Cheryl -Host

34:46

do the presentation to 1 they can do the presentation to 2 they can But this not something if you're an introvert and you are not in your element of what you're talking about This is not something That's a phase that needs to be grown out of because I ran a department for 20 years and for 20 years I had to do staff meetings every week. And I mean for 20 years, so do the math.

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Celena-Guest

35:14

And right,

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Cheryl -Host

35:16

single staff meeting, I spent a half an

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Celena-Guest

35:18

hour feeling like I

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Cheryl -Host

35:19

was going to completely throw up. I was talking to my colleagues and when

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Celena-Guest

35:24

I finished whatever it is I had to

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Cheryl -Host

35:25

say, I can honestly tell you My hands shook so bad. My paper was soaked because my hands were sweaty. And I literally had no idea what I said.

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Cheryl -Host

35:37

I did not grow out of it. So let's stop the forcing of this stuff. This is not gonna be the make or break. If they're not going into musical theater, who the hell cares if they can't stand

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Celena-Guest

35:50

up and

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Cheryl -Host

35:50

watch the geography presentation? Stop. Yeah.

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Cheryl -Host

35:55

They don't have to.

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Celena-Guest

35:56

Introverts, they're not broken. They're not broken and need fixing. They're fine the way that they are.

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Celena-Guest

36:03

It's up to the teacher, the parents, the adult To find a way to get the best out of that kid in that Situation not like I said 1 size fits all over all gonna stand up in front of the class and we're all gonna do that. No,

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Cheryl -Host

36:21

that's not

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Celena-Guest

36:22

That does not work for me. And now you just Terrorize them for absolutely no reason.

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Cheryl -Host

36:28

Yeah. Yeah, Exactly. So I just wanted to put that out there. So parents, please advocate with your kid, but advocate that this is not something that absolutely has to be done for every class.

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Cheryl -Host

36:41

Just putting it out there.

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Celena-Guest

36:43

Awesome.

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Cheryl -Host

36:44

Thank you for entertaining that because it's a little bit of a pet peeve of a life.

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Celena-Guest

36:49

Mine too. Mine too. Yes.

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Celena-Guest

36:51

And then they wonder why that kid is like, oh, I'm not, I don't want to go to school today because I have a presentation and everybody's going to be staring at me and I'm going to feel stupid because a lot of us have imposter syndrome. And we feel like we're not good enough because we're not presenting like the normal people. So we're already in our heads just who we are as empaths. And then we don't want to disappoint people so it's it's layers to why We're having trauma.

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Cheryl -Host

37:27

Yeah, and so many comments It'd be so funny because after the present my stock meetings that I presented to people would say, Oh, you would never know you're nervous. You know what? That's not I don't care.

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Cheryl -Host

37:41

I don't care what it looks like to you. It still creates trauma for me forever. So you know, if your kids masking and you're saying, Oh, you're fine. You looked great.

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Cheryl -Host

37:52

You can do that again. No, there is masking. Don't take that as a confirmation that you're excellent at standing up in front of people. So let's just again, you do you right?

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Cheryl -Host

38:04

You do you love it. So let me tell us how to work with you where to find you this has been such a great conversation I just love that we brought this to the table. It's so important

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Celena-Guest

38:15

It really is. Thank you again for having me. It was wonderful.

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Celena-Guest

38:19

If you want to reach out to me I am at the introverts heart calm Website email my podcast is this introverts heart with Selena. And I talked to introverts of all different kinds and I think it's just a my biggest goal is to blow up the mess of what, we wanna put everybody in a box, whether they're introverts, whether they're extroverts, whether they're women, whether they're men, We need to just get to letting people be Genuinely who they are because that's where you'll get the most help make the most connections when you allow someone to naturally be who they are with no judgment.

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Cheryl -Host

39:09

Yeah, love it. Love it. Thank you.

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Cheryl -Host

39:11

Reach out to Selena, listen to her podcast. Everything is going to be in the show notes. Selena, thank you. Thank you.

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Cheryl -Host

39:17

Thank you for the work that you do and for sharing your passion with us. Thank you for listening. Please make sure you share, download, subscribe, all the things because you just never know who needs to hear this. And when it lands on somebody and it changes their life.

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Cheryl -Host

39:33

What better gift is that? Thank you for listening. Thank you, Selena.

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Celena-Guest

39:37

Thank you, Cheryl.

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