#44 "Empower Teens with Music: Overcoming Bullying Together" with Caley Rose

 In this episode, Cheryl Pankhurst speaks with musician and advocate Caley Rose about the importance of mental health, self-confidence, and kindness in schools. They discuss how music can be a powerful tool for healing and empowerment, as well as the significance of teaching children about growth mindset and standing up against bullying.

Speaker 1: Teen Minds Redefined, you're listening to the podcast with Cheryl Pankhurst.

00:16 - 00:54
Cheryl- Host: Welcome to another episode of Teen Minds Redefined, where we just strive to redefine the relationships we have with our teenagers, and understand that today's parenting is not yesterday's parenting, and it's time to have a shift in our perspective and that will shift our relationship with our teens. It's a different world. And today we have a beautiful guest, Kayleigh, who is just a billboard artist. You have to see this woman's energy on Instagram. Please follow her. Her music is amazing. Her connections are amazing. Her energy is amazing. The talent is crazy. I just love it. She's been

00:54 - 01:05
Cheryl- Host: featured everywhere, but I'm gonna leave it to Kayleigh to tell the story because I think her energy is just gonna like jump off the screen. So welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm so glad to have you.

01:05 - 01:12
Caley-Guest: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so honored to be here and I'm proud to be a part of what you're doing because you're doing great things in here.

01:13 - 01:22
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. Well, as are you. So tell us your story first. Like how did you get to where you are today? What brought what's your mission? What happened? Something happened, right?

01:23 - 01:57
Caley-Guest: Well, now I'm very proud to say I'm a billboard charting artist, like you said, and the proud creator of music with a message, which is an in school assembly program and music events that raises self confidence and helps prevent bullying for ages, preschool all the way up to high school. We have different programs for each grade. Yesterday was at Pepperdine speaking to high school students so that we'd go more leadership and entrepreneurial skills because those high school students were there for that. But I do it all through empowering music. So I bring them social emotional learning

01:57 - 02:06
Caley-Guest: skills and empowering music. Package it all together nicely because with music we remember things forever. You know it stays in our minds for a very long time.

02:08 - 02:15
Cheryl- Host: Well and there's like there's not a moment there's not a familiar song that comes on where you aren't it doesn't just take you right back.

02:15 - 02:16
Caley-Guest: Yeah And

02:16 - 02:29
Cheryl- Host: it could take you right back to a great time. It could take you right back to a sad time. It can trigger so many emotions. And it's just 1 of those things. So what better way to connect a message than to music? Like, thank you.

02:30 - 02:31
Caley-Guest: That's I got my title.

02:31 - 02:44
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So how did you, how did you get to like this point with what what made you go, okay, I've got to start changing, changing what I'm doing and making music my message and getting it out there?

02:44 - 03:14
Caley-Guest: Yeah, I mean, just 2 years ago, it's been a fast-paced 2 years. And once you're onto something that people need, I think things do start to snowball and you see how much people need it. And so you put more work into it and other people end up helping you on your journey, which is beautiful. But just 2 years ago, I was kind of noticing that I had made a lot of empowering music in the 4 years before, when I started becoming a songwriter 6 years ago, I started making empowering music and then noticing that young people

03:14 - 03:42
Caley-Guest: were gravitating toward it, but I didn't know how to reach them because you can't really find them on social media because they shouldn't necessarily be on social media and you can't market to them on social media, which is a good thing. And so then I started thinking about how I bullied in middle school and it was a really tough time for me. And the decade that followed middle school, I didn't have any self-confidence. I thought it was something you were either born with or you weren't, and the lucky ones were, and I wasn't 1 of those

03:42 - 04:11
Caley-Guest: people. But then I started to realize that it was something you could build and grow and teach. And I started speaking in schools and singing in schools and connecting my music with my message. And then I really worked on the program even more and paired with some teen and child psychologists to get the skills that I was imparting to these students, even more solid because I wanted to give them the absolute best tools to build their self confidence and get over that experience of being bullied.

04:12 - 04:52
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, yeah. And you know, my kids are older. And so bullying for them was very valid, but it was very different. They didn't get picked on the team or they didn't get invited to the sleepover, but then they went home and it was a safe space. Whereas I've spent 25 years in high school and in the last, you know, 567 years when social media just became you just you don't go home and you're not in a safe space anymore. It chases you, it follows you, it's everywhere. That's so true. And so how has bullying evolved? Like

04:52 - 04:55
Cheryl- Host: what does it look like now? What are you seeing?

04:55 - 05:28
Caley-Guest: It's tough. And yeah, when you said there are so many different definitions of it and some educators I've talked to are like it's kind of being overused as a word, you know, a kid will get just in 1 little disagreement with another kid and they'll say, I'm being bullied. So yeah, we don't want to overuse the term, but it is everywhere and rampant and it needs to be taken seriously because it leads to so much more serious effects and consequences, you know, based on the individual they can end up turning toward alcoholism later, drugs, or the

05:28 - 05:58
Caley-Guest: absolute worst end of getting bullied can be taking their life by suicide. And when I started this mission, I didn't think suicide would be a part of it. I wasn't thinking that far ahead, but of course, it's a part of it. And school shootings are the most terrible effects of bullying. So, I mean, kindness is not overrated. And yet we need to learn to get along with each other and then we need to learn to protect ourselves when people do say unkind things because unfortunately I mean if you poll a number of adults most of them

05:58 - 06:26
Caley-Guest: will say I went through that at some point maybe even in my adult life in the workplace So how do we build our self-confidence after any kind of trauma? It doesn't even just have to be bullying. It's become so much bigger than bullying. It's all kinds of trauma and building yourself back up after that experience. Because now I'm really happy to be able to say, I am a person who loves myself and likes myself, but there was a time when I hated myself and I had to really work to get here because it can be a

06:26 - 06:28
Caley-Guest: tough world, you know?

06:28 - 06:53
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, and we're talking about, you know, most of my audience is parents of teens. And when your kid comes home and says they've been bullied, I feel like your response is based on your experience. So maybe you were a bully, maybe you were a victim, maybe you were a white stander. So your response to your kid is going to be very different depending on your experience, right?

06:53 - 07:18
Caley-Guest: Absolutely. And I'm not proud to say that I was both. I remember, you know, I don't know if she considers it being bold, but I remember being unkind to a girl a couple times because I was a person who was hurt and hurt people hurt people. But telling that to a kid can only go so far. So, you know, I'm trying to impart those messages. And then I noticed a lot of educators with high schoolers almost feel like, oh, well, they're, they're not going to listen. They're past that. And they need it so, so, so much.

07:18 - 07:40
Caley-Guest: You know, middle schoolers too, the elementary schools are really receptive to the message. And then with high schoolers, I kind of need to sneak it in a little bit through cooler content and more. Now this is just the advice that's worked for me. It doesn't have to work for you. And approach that way, you know, because they don't want to be told and they don't want to be given advice. Yeah.

07:41 - 07:41
Cheryl- Host: Yeah,

07:41 - 07:53
Caley-Guest: yesterday was a group of high school boys and I was, it's definitely going in me, you know, an adult just thinking, okay, I have to be careful around them and like, make sure I'm not preaching, you know?

07:53 - 07:57
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%. Well, that's where the music comes in, right?

07:57 - 08:22
Caley-Guest: Yeah. And the music is cool and it's been on the radio. So that gives it kind of a cooler factor. It's not kids music, which I was really passionate about. It was my existing adult music that I adapted some lyrics here and there. So I had a lot of female empowerment music and I wanted to reach young women, but then I wanted to reach everyone. So I've rewrote some of the songs and yeah, they've been on the radio. So it gives it that cool factor. It's like Taylor Swift in their schools.

08:26 - 09:00
Cheryl- Host: So let's, let's get like down and dirty and practical if, If a kid, so let's aim this at a teen and hope the parents can hijack their kid, put them in the back seat and make them listen to this podcast. Because the teens are not gonna listen to the podcast their parents are listening to. I've completely accepted that now. But if they are suspected of being bullied, or they have admitted, you know, what I'm feeling bullied, I'm feeling uncomfortable. What are they saying? What are parents doing? What are they saying? Because listen, I have had so

09:00 - 09:16
Cheryl- Host: many and that's a pet peeve of mine, where parents have said, yeah, but I don't want to make things worse. I don't want to complain. I don't want to, you know, whatever. And it's like, oh my goodness, you have to get. So, what are we doing when our kid comes home and says?

09:16 - 09:44
Caley-Guest: It starts before they're bullied, it's during they're bullied and it's after they're bullied. It never ends, of course, right? This job of being parents. I mean, and you know, when you say that some parents don't want to get involved, I just yesterday talked to my 4 year old teacher because she just had a disagreement in school with someone and I just wanted to make sure they had the opportunity to talk it out. But before I did, I immediately judged myself and thought, okay, I don't want to be that hover parent. Is it too much if I

09:44 - 10:13
Caley-Guest: talk to the teacher? And then I had to just get over that because you know her feelings and her confidence is my priority and how I'm perceived I cannot control. So it's so many things for parents and that makes it you know so much pressure but at the same time if we improve our own self-confidence we can also help our kids be that confident person because how we react to situations models how they can react to situations. So, you know, when someone cuts us off in traffic, is it, oh, that person must have it out for

10:13 - 10:42
Caley-Guest: me and this whole day is going terribly, or is it, wow, that person must be in a difficult situation and it actually has nothing to do with me. I'm gonna give them some grace and I'm gonna give myself some grace. So that's, I think, 1 of the key things and modeling confidence in different ways. And this is all prior to being bullied. But when you look in the mirror, are you picking yourself apart or are you saying okay I'd like to work out a little bit tomorrow so I feel healthier but I'm feeling like my hair

10:42 - 11:16
Caley-Guest: is looking good today you know and picking out those positive things because how we think and how we talk absolutely affects our children and how we model being a person and being human in this world is so important, you know, and we can tell them all day, don't take it personally, but That is the thing that we need to tell them, right? You know, and I keep telling my daughter, only hurt people hurt people, and giving her all of these empowering statements. And then also, I think something that's really important is if bullying were to occur

11:16 - 11:49
Caley-Guest: and they come home and say, someone's been unkind to me, how did they react? Did they stand up for themselves? Did they run away? And it's fine to have emotions. I understand having hurt words said about you or to you is hurtful. But I would hope in that moment they're encouraged to say, hey, that's not right. And also to realize that that person must be hurting. That's the only reason, you know, trolls come online to say things about us is because they're hurting. I've been going live on social media playing music every once in a while.

11:49 - 12:16
Caley-Guest: I've got a great group of people in there. They call themselves the brave ones after 1 of my songs, but every once in a while a troll will come in and say something unkind. And it used to be that I took it really personally and I would, you know, crawl into a ball believing what they said but now that I've learned so much about confidence I realized it's really about them and no 1 who's more happy than you successful than you loves themselves more than you would ever find a need to come in there and say

12:16 - 12:38
Caley-Guest: something unkind. So my immediate response instead is, are you okay today? You must not be, you know, we're here for you if you wanna talk about it. And saying that to a bully in person, it could incite them, but it's the truth, right? So they might not wanna hear that truth, but it helps us realize it's not about us. Taking it personally is not where we should be doing.

12:39 - 12:43
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. And I'm trying to think of the difference.

12:43 - 12:44
Caley-Guest: There's a lot.

12:44 - 12:48
Cheryl- Host: If you catch a bully alone, I can see that conversation.

12:48 - 12:49
Caley-Guest: Yeah. Because

12:50 - 13:23
Cheryl- Host: we know like a true bully is just scared. And feels very confident with their, you know, posse behind them. So how do we ask our kids in that situation? And we know like, I think younger kids might even feel more confident to say, oh, you must be having a bad day. But when we get into grade 9 and grade 10. And I feel like this could set the precedent for your entire high school career.

13:24 - 13:26
Caley-Guest: Absolutely, and your work life later on.

13:26 - 13:33
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So what are we telling kids to say? Like, is there a response? Is there a strategy?

13:34 - 14:06
Caley-Guest: Yeah, absolutely. It's also making sure that they're physically safe first and foremost, right? Like their job is to protect themselves and their body. So if they need to walk away, they walk away. And then the not taking it personally is so key. But it's hard, you know, I'm not going to say it's not difficult. Absolutely. But that is the most important thing to protect themselves to make sure that they know who they are. You know, sometimes a bully might just point at a weakness in ourselves and we might think that it's true, but if we can

14:06 - 14:33
Caley-Guest: try to realize that it's not true as much as possible or it's something that we can work on and teaching them that, you know, like I said about confidence not being intrinsic, it's something that we can grow and work on. So if they point out something about their physical appearance or their personality, and they're, you know, deep down inside, they are ashamed of that thing, we can change and we can evolve and we can grow. And so they can work on that. But yeah, physical safety first and foremost, of course.

14:34 - 15:11
Cheryl- Host: And I feel like I'm picturing a parent who has been bullied. Who just wants to like completely ignore that feeling or was a bully and doesn't want to admit they were a bully. You know, I think this is the time where, you know, where we say times have changed and we can't parent the way we were parented. And, you know, admitting to our kids, you know what? I totally screwed up in grade 9. I was a bitch to a couple of girls and I made them feel terrible.

15:11 - 15:12
Caley-Guest: And

15:12 - 15:52
Cheryl- Host: because I remember, obviously it has some trauma. And, you know, maybe it's I recognize this in you, or I recognize you might be 1 of these victims. You know, I, this is where this is where the shift in parenting happens, because I feel like up to maybe grade 6 or 7, we're still the parents for sure. But I also think we become more of a coach or a mentor in the high school grades because you have more of an alignment with them. And if you're admitting to things that you went through and you don't know the

15:52 - 16:26
Cheryl- Host: answers or you weren't the perfect parent that, you know, they know you're not, but you are. If those stories start to come out and we start really like authentically living and being honest, then I feel like it gives them a little bit of grace and a little bit of, oh, okay, well, maybe I can admit I did this too, or I am the victim of this. Absolutely. And I just, I think that's the big shift that we're really trying to get the message across with this podcast and every episode. It's just, it's not putting band-aids on

16:26 - 16:41
Cheryl- Host: the strategies. It's not, you know, giving them 1 time deal. Because if we start to teach our kids now about bullying, like you said, there's the workplace, there's relationships, there's something that's gonna be a 1 and done.

16:42 - 17:08
Caley-Guest: Absolutely. And that's like when you ask, you know, what can we say to them? Unfortunately, there's not 1 thing to say, you know, I wish I could say, just say this line and it'll work with all bullies. It's these 5 lines, these 5 lines, you know, or even 25. Every situation is so different, you know, so when your kid comes home and tells you that that's happening, you have to access, assess so many different things. And I've talked to families who, in the end, they needed to pull their child out of that school to get them

17:08 - 17:34
Caley-Guest: away from that person. And that was the safest, best choice for them. And this story always ends up, and now they're thriving, or now they're working through it and they're at a better place or something. So sometimes that is going to be the answer. And it's terrible that they have to be pulled away from their friends. But there are so many different, you know, methods and prevention methods and after methods that we talk about, you know, and it can be bringing in a friend to support you. Okay, well, what if the kid doesn't have any friends?

17:34 - 18:10
Caley-Guest: What if the kid truly is alone? Okay, then we might need to get to a teacher. And I'm performing the assembly at 22 schools in August. And I talked to the district and they said, can we address the idea of snitches get stitches? And I said, okay, yes, absolutely. Because unfortunately a kids thing say, I think kids say, and something that in certain situations when it's no, somebody's safety is in jeopardy here, I need you to tell a grown up or tell someone in the moment or recruit friends to help you protect yourself for that child

18:10 - 18:12
Caley-Guest: or yeah, whatever the case may be.

18:14 - 18:42
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. I forgot about that phrase. Well, and I imagine there's the same thing in high school. I just don't know what the phrase would be anymore. But you're right. Like it's it That's a whole other ballgame is, you know, can you protect your friends? Can you stand up for your friends? And are you now at risk of being the victim because you stood out for your friends?

18:43 - 19:21
Caley-Guest: Yes, absolutely. It's terrible. Like whatever situation is different. And yeah, so in high school, I'm sure it's more of a behind the back endeavor in high school or an online thing. But if I have to really give a three-step method, it's preventative care first, protecting yourself and building up your self-esteem, then trying not to let that affect you, which is the most challenging part, and then building up your self-esteem after, and realizing that 1 person, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't mean anything, unfortunately. If we were in CVS and someone was being rude to us,

19:21 - 19:27
Caley-Guest: we would be able to walk away. It's a big world, but in elementary and middle and high school, it feels so small.

19:28 - 19:33
Cheryl- Host: It really does. And then, What is your experience with the whole social media bullying?

19:35 - 20:11
Caley-Guest: Yeah, I mean that, you know, so many people are cloaked in anonymity and it's a dangerous, dangerous place. Like I said, I've experienced it myself and I, the old me is different from the new me who realizes that that's not about me but it took a lot of therapy, a lot of self work. So doing that work is the most important thing for adults and teens and kids. We're constantly you know working on ourselves and self-confidence isn't 1 finite thing that just lasts. We have different confidence in different areas, but how we feel about ourselves should

20:11 - 20:40
Caley-Guest: be something that is the utmost importance. That's why social-emotional learning is becoming more important in schools and that's so wonderful, but it really needs to be at the forefront because I, you know, I went to an Ivy League school, I don't remember all the art history dates that I had to study to get in and then to stay in, you know, and yet that was made paramount in my education, but how I thought about myself and felt about myself was not, you know. So it's systems that we're trying to bring new things in and that's why

20:40 - 20:46
Caley-Guest: we have the assembly and we also have a curriculum to try to get that social emotional learning in there.

20:47 - 20:50
Cheryl- Host: So talk about that like not everybody knows that term social.

20:50 - 21:24
Caley-Guest: Oh yeah it's true. Yeah social emotional learning has luckily become more prevalent in schools these days in certain areas but it's about mental well-being for kids and all the things that basically we at this age didn't get to learn in school that we wish we had. Kindness and self-confidence and mental health. Really it's mental health in schools and so I'm so happy schools are doing a better job of it but they have they're already taxed with so much, you know, educators, you know, they're doing so so much already. So sometimes we need supplementary education to come

21:24 - 21:25
Caley-Guest: in there.

21:27 - 21:33
Cheryl- Host: What would be an example of like a bit of the curriculum that would be brought into the school? Yeah,

21:34 - 22:01
Caley-Guest: it's different for every age, elementary, middle and high school. But the first 1 that comes to mind is I have a song called Fireproof. And so we bring that in for elementary schools. And it's a couple of different classes that it spans. But I teach them power poses and how to hold their bodies in confident postures because Harvard has studied that that really does work for adults and kids. It made adults seem more confident in job interviews and perform better. So truly last week, when I had a job interview and I was like, you better do

22:01 - 22:34
Caley-Guest: power poses. It's like, please be a warrior. Scratch yourself out. And it was in Ted Lasso, now it's becoming more and more prevalent, which is great. So we teach them the power poses set to choreography, and then there's a unit where they get to make their own. And it's really great. And like I said, the high school and middle school curriculum is more about growth mindset. So growth mindset is more about a little bit of what I've been talking about where it's not an intrinsic quality, anything, you can work on anything in yourself. And it perceives

22:34 - 23:01
Caley-Guest: failure as inevitable and something that gets us to growth. So talking about that more and more, because even with the high schoolers yesterday, I was like, we look up to, you know, Taylor Swift, Michael Jordan, and the truth about those people is they failed so much more than we have. That's how they got to the successful place that they're in right now. But we don't see that, you know, often we just look at the highlight reel of people's lives and not the behind the scenes. But we're seeing all the behind the scenes of our lives, you

23:01 - 23:11
Caley-Guest: know. Yep. Yep. That's so true. People just can't perceive you that way, me that way. You know, there are always people thinking that we all have a perfect life and no 1 has a perfect life.

23:12 - 23:32
Cheryl- Host: No, absolutely not. And I, yeah, you know, it's great as you get older that you get more confident and and less care about what other people think for sure. I wish I could just transfer that into younger people now so they don't have to wait. They can skip that middle man. We don't want

23:32 - 23:34
Caley-Guest: that to hurt at all, right?

23:34 - 23:35
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, yeah.

23:36 - 23:37
Caley-Guest: Oh, when it stinks.

23:37 - 24:10
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, and how you respond to it. And I think, even talking about like a response as opposed to a reaction when you are like, part of the preventative, like, oh, okay, he just said this to me, take a breath. He just said this to me, take a breath. She just did this, take a breath first so that you have that opportunity to go, and that's practiced at home, right? Your kids, teenagers mouth off all the time, all the time. But you know, instead of going, don't hear him, put your shit away. Can you, can you like

24:10 - 24:13
Cheryl- Host: take a breath? Say, oh, there's probably a better way you can say that to me.

24:13 - 24:30
Caley-Guest: Yep. Hopefully. Being from experience, I take it. Of course. That's for, but I'm always fast forwarding in my mind to say oh my goodness how is it gonna look when she's a teen you know but I can't put that negativity on a future experience please it can it can be very

24:30 - 24:44
Cheryl- Host: helpful for working all the way. When you have all this information already of social, emotional, like I think you're way ahead of the game, which is great. And the fact that you're sharing this is even better because this is what we need. This is what we need.

24:44 - 24:47
Caley-Guest: I mean, I follow Dr. Becky. Do you know her at all on Instagram?

24:47 - 24:49
Cheryl- Host: Oh, yes. Oh good inside

24:50 - 25:11
Caley-Guest: Oh good inside, but my favorite video was 1 time where she said my kids do not get dr Becky as a mom that would be impossible and annoying and so many things so, you know, nobody's perfect And so my greatest hope for my daughter is that she will be in therapy someday talking about something about me. At least that means she'll be in therapy. Yeah, 100% 100%.

25:11 - 25:14
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, we all need that. We all need that.

25:14 - 25:16
Caley-Guest: I know. Well, let's

25:16 - 25:26
Cheryl- Host: talk about this project. Let's hear about this promo. You're singing and you're going to make an album and you're on song 3.

25:27 - 25:57
Caley-Guest: Yes. So I'm raising funds. I'm doing a crowdfunding project, which some people might not know about, but Kickstarter, Indie, GoGo, and all these websites have popularized that in the past couple years. And my goal is to make an album. It has a new song for music with a message on it called Brave Ones. I've been performing that in schools all across the country. And I love, I mean, high schoolers have said, hey, is there a recording of it? A special needs student 2 weeks ago messaged me on Instagram and said, is there a recording of that?

25:57 - 26:25
Caley-Guest: And every time she comes into my live, she asks for that song. So I like try to save it and then she gets there and she's having heart surgery, like such an incredible human. So that's why this group of people started calling themselves the Brave Ones and it's so beautiful. So that's gonna be the name of the album. And yeah, we're raising money for it, which I've gotten over $6, 000 and I'm just so beyond honored and shocked and all these things, because that was a fear of mine. Like I crowdfunded a couple, no, over 12

26:25 - 26:58
Caley-Guest: years ago before I met my husband and met 1 negative, you know, comment amongst so many positive, kind, generous ones, but that stayed with me in my heart for a long time. And so, yeah, when I thought about doing this, I felt really uncomfortable. But since then, I've had about 40 very positive, very kind, generous donations and responses. So it's funny because I study so much psychology and I studied it in school and they say that it takes, I think it was in the New York Times that positive experiences outweighs 1 negative experience. I'm like, I've

26:58 - 27:19
Caley-Guest: now had like 70. I still come to that 1 interaction, but we're getting on to song number 4 and hopefully going to be made because it has a lot of empowering songs on it, songs that will provide healing and catharsis and I hope that the world adults and kids alike, you know, it's really, it's music that I want to listen to. It's not music for kids.

27:20 - 27:22
Cheryl- Host: How many songs are going to be on it? What is the goal?

27:22 - 27:49
Caley-Guest: I mean, the goal. Yeah, the goal is 10. OK, I've had them for so many years. And I think when you have a certain good idea, It just keeps knocking on the walls of your mind. And so it's funny because my producer was like, well, make sure you keep writing. And I'm like, I know, but I have to get these out. I'm like, they're just knocking and knocking. So after that, I'll continue writing more because I was super prolific before I had my daughter and I wrote over 100 songs in a year so I have many

27:49 - 27:50
Caley-Guest: on backlog.

27:50 - 28:03
Cheryl- Host: Oh my gosh that's amazing. Yeah I love it. So where can people follow you? How can I know? Because I creep you all the time but you can Tell everybody else how to follow you. What's yeah.

28:03 - 28:27
Caley-Guest: Yeah, if you're listening, it's CALEY roses in the flower. CALEY roses in the flower. A lot of people think it's K because it's Kaylee, but it is a C. And on social media everywhere, my music's on Spotify and Apple Music and Music with a Message is everywhere as well. So you can find me and then find Music with a Message and bring it into your kiddo or teens.

28:28 - 28:30
Cheryl- Host: And Yeah,

28:30 - 28:47
Caley-Guest: we're going all around the country. We're living in this airstream that you've seen behind us. And I learned through journeying across the country on wheels that you can still get on planes, even when you own a vehicle, purposely to take you places. So someday I'm hoping we'll take it internationally. That's my dream.

28:49 - 28:57
Cheryl- Host: So you're traveling now. You have a new baby coming. Yes, there's a baby. And where are you going to land? Do you know where you're going to land?

28:57 - 29:25
Caley-Guest: Yeah, we were trying to fall out of love with Los Angeles, But it hasn't happened yet. Something is calling us back. I know, like we saw 22 states in 8 months and it was bananas. Yeah, we had a COVID dream. We made it come true. But we miss having a community too. So we're excited to get back to friends and people we know. You know, this weekend I needed to find a babysitter for my daughter and if I was in the middle of the country where I don't know anyone, that's kind of hard to find. Yeah,

29:25 - 29:28
Caley-Guest: you know. You have 2 kiddos, right? Is that?

29:29 - 29:44
Cheryl- Host: 2 grown ass adults, long gone. Out of the house and then living their life and now my friends like it's just so cool it's so They are good humans yeah, I'm waiting for the grandchildren now, but

29:46 - 29:50
Caley-Guest: And they got bullied I mean if you're willing to share a little about that, that they got through it.

29:50 - 30:27
Cheryl- Host: Well, yeah. And it's you know, this is the point where I think this is where things have shifted. Like even the other day, you know, my son was joking. He's 34. He's joking about being on a men's volleyball team and he brought back the fact that I was so scared they were going to pick me last and he's super confident and he's like an MMA Jiu-Jitsu all of that and to hear him say, so this is my point where it's just like, we have to address this trauma and work through it, not push it because I'm

30:27 - 30:54
Cheryl- Host: sitting there thinking, wow, I did not work through this with him enough because he's still talking about it and it is what it is you meet people where they're at but the point of the podcast is to say yeah this is what happens when we just allow things to just you know push it aside or don't worry about it or it's okay you know we have to give our kids the skills and we need the skills. And if we don't have them, we have to look for them.

30:54 - 31:20
Caley-Guest: Absolutely, so we don't process those emotions. They stay in our body. But I wouldn't say that you didn't deal with it enough. You know, like it's just, it's always gonna, you're always gonna have that memory. Like I talked about 40, 70 positive experiences and I still remember that 1 negative 1 because of self preservation and we're trying to protect ourselves from social outcasts, you know, existence and all of those things. So it made him stronger. He's going out for it.

31:21 - 31:59
Cheryl- Host: Totally did totally did. All right. Well, you know, Kelly, this has been amazing. I've been just dying to talk to you. And I'm so glad I caught you before you can settle down and raise a new baby again. Yes, yes, but you know, listeners, not just share this with your friends, but take this to schools, take this to principals, take this to the board. These are the skills we need. You can put aside your geometry for a few minutes and give us something that we can use for the rest of our lives, not just for 1

31:59 - 32:04
Cheryl- Host: exam. That's how I feel about geometry. I know.

32:04 - 32:06
Caley-Guest: I know. We're going to put.

32:08 - 32:17
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, we're going to put everything in the show notes. Kayleigh, I really appreciate you taking the time and good luck. And I will be getting off here and donating to your album because I

32:17 - 32:19
Caley-Guest: think it's good. Oh,

32:19 - 32:20
Cheryl- Host: thank you.

32:21 - 32:22
Caley-Guest: Go for it. You're going

32:22 - 32:42
Cheryl- Host: to get this. You're going to get this and then you're going to, you know, share the story because this is, somebody is sitting where you are right now who needs to hear you, who needs your message. And so important. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for listening to Teen Minds Redefined. Thank you, Kayleigh. Everything's in the show notes. And again, share, share, share.

32:44 - 32:51
Speaker 1: Teen Minds Redefined with Cheryl Pankhurst. New episodes out every Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by. You