#46 "The Parent's Role in Embracing LGBTQ+ Acceptance" with Aime Hutton

In this inspiring episode, we sit down with Aime Hutton, a passionate advocate for self-acceptance and empowerment. Aime shares her remarkable journey from a challenging start in life to becoming a dedicated coach for youth and adults from diverse communities. From overcoming severe childhood bullying to navigating the complexities of her identity, Aime's story is a testament to resilience and the power of being true to oneself. We explore her experiences with bullying, her unique hand fasting ceremony, and the importance of fostering safe spaces for individuals to express their authentic selves. Join us as we discuss how Aime's work in schools and businesses is making a difference in the lives of many, encouraging everyone to embrace their true selves.

00:01 - 00:06
Speaker 1: Teen Minds Redefined, you're listening to the podcast with Cheryl Pankhurst.

00:15 - 00:55
Cheryl-Host: Welcome back to Teen Minds Redefined, where we bring you inspiring stories with these impactful guests. And today is absolutely no exception. Today we have Amy Hutton. I'm so excited to have this conversation. Amy, I'm reading your stuff and I'm watching you on social media, which is where I found you. Your energy was just so magnetic. But when you look behind the scenes, you are just this beautiful, bright flashlight, I think, in some kids very dark world. And I love that you shine that light. And I can't wait to have the conversation. Welcome Amy, a fellow Canadian.

00:56 - 01:13
Aime-Guest: Yay, hello Cheryl. Thank you, thank you for having me. Yeah, we met on that teen parent Facebook group. I don't do much in that group because I'm not a parent. Yet every now and then I'll pipe in and share. And I did, and obviously it was needed to be heard because it was quite the conversation.

01:15 - 01:56
Cheryl-Host: So. Yes, yes. And I'm, I mean, I'm a parent, my parent, my kids are grown adults now, 34 and 31. But I chime into these groups because, you know, the podcast is started out as just helping parents with teens. And then it became, you know, it just starts within like it starts with us as parents for many, many of these issues. And when we're just giving strategies, it almost feels like a band-aid and strategies are wonderful. But when we can tap into ourselves and figure out what it is that's triggering us or what's scaring us or

01:56 - 02:16
Cheryl-Host: why we're reacting the way we are, and we can work on that, then doing that inner work just ripples out to the people we love, period, without having to put all the band-aids on. So this is where we're starting. Amy, tell us first of all about you, how you got here, why this is your story.

02:17 - 02:56
Aime-Guest: Wow. Well, like many people, stories have layers. And you know, I have a funny feeling I'll be coming back another day to share a few other stories. Yeah, in a nutshell, How I like to, you know, start explaining who I am is that Back in when I was first born in 1976 in Ottawa, I was born at 26 weeks gestation I was 1 pound 12 ounces when I was born and given 24 hours to live. So there's a reason why I'm here on earth and it's taken a while for me to figure that out yet now

02:56 - 03:33
Aime-Guest: I know. You know I went through childhood bullying, severe bullying actually to that account And back in the 80s and 90s, it wasn't called bullying. It was just called part of school life. And, you know, got through that, got into university, was in an abusive relationship while in university, and was stalked as well while in on campus. And then I moved over here to Calgary after graduating university and it took you know a long time to get established and get settled and But I really enjoy living here. I love that I am an hour from the

03:33 - 04:09
Aime-Guest: mountains Although I I will say I miss the lakes like being from Ontario Pickering Ontario to be exact. I do miss like Ontario and I miss those lakes and cottage country and stuff like that And then going on into my life, you know, I do work full-time on top of my entrepreneur work and I love my job that I have helping, most of the time I'm helping folks with pre-employment skills and job finding and then networking with employers and things like that. It's an awesome place to work. And then on the side, in my free time,

04:09 - 04:49
Aime-Guest: I also am a part-time entrepreneur. And what I do there is I help youth and adults from diversified communities feel safe and supported and welcomed in all areas of their lives. I started out my business though, working with teen girls, and then it's kind of morphed as people change, more from there. So now the youth I have the most fun working with are the 11 to 14 year olds and helping them with their coming out journey because it is a journey and it can be really scary. I know here now in Alberta, especially with all the

04:49 - 04:56
Aime-Guest: political stuff that's going on right now here. Yeah, it's it can be really scary for kiddos right now.

04:56 - 05:01
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. So I'm gonna ask why 11 to 14? What is the sweet spot there?

05:02 - 05:41
Aime-Guest: Oh, I think partly when I first started my business, the 11 to 14 age is that grade 678, sometimes 9, depending on your birthday and things like that. When I was being severely teased and bullied, it was in that grade 7-8 timeframe. Yeah. So I know what it's like to be bullied. This is coming out of my mouth, so I might as well say it. Part of my bullying story is in gym class in grade 7. I was in A78 split and the Bullies were in the change room Obviously and 1 came up behind me and

05:41 - 05:46
Aime-Guest: grabbed me by my bra strap and flung me around the room and I went flying into the lockers.

05:47 - 05:48
Cheryl-Host: Oh my god.

05:49 - 05:53
Aime-Guest: So I know the pain. I know what these kids are going through.

05:55 - 06:38
Cheryl-Host: You know, I spent 25 years at high school and then the last 3 years at a private school. And the private school was grade 7 to 12. And I just still to this day, it's just so unbelievable. So when I first started teaching, of course, the social media aspect wasn't a part of it. That's how old I am. And that's how much I love that. But now it just adds like 12 different layers to what kids are doing. And I'm looking at these grades, seventh grade, what the heck? And the bullying and the mean girls and

06:38 - 07:12
Cheryl-Host: it doesn't matter where you are. Like this was a very small Christian school with 300 kids and it was equally as destructive and cruel and innovative like and not in a good way innovative how people can bully as it was when I was in a high school with 2000 kids, grade 9 to grade 12. It just didn't, I thought, oh my gosh. Yeah. I know

07:12 - 07:37
Aime-Guest: there's parts of me that are very glad I grew up. I was in school as a young person, in that mid 80s, early 90s timeframe, because we didn't have social media. I could walk out my school door and go home and I was okay. Cause home, for me home was a safe space. I know that isn't the case for all kids, yet at least I know I could go home and I'd be okay. Yeah.

07:38 - 08:17
Cheryl-Host: Yeah, and you're right. We're gonna come back and do, I think, a whole bully segment. What I really want to talk about today, which really grabbed my attention and your energy on social media was helping parents when their kids are coming out and helping kids when kids are coming out. And it's not, You know, I find it so hard. I empathize with the kids. I feel it's just, if you don't have a mom or dad who is accepting you, I'm your new mom. That's no problem. What is it? Like, What is it that is so hard

08:17 - 08:39
Cheryl-Host: for parents? And here's my story. My daughter at, oh my goodness, I'm gonna say 25, no, maybe 20. I had no indication whatsoever. She got in the car 1 day and said, can you drive me to the train station? I have a date. I said, yeah, absolutely. Who do you have a date with? And Gabby said, Julie.

08:42 - 08:42
Aime-Guest: And it

08:42 - 09:22
Cheryl-Host: took me a second and I said, okay, cool. Where did you meet? And all like, it was just, it was almost irrelevant, but it was relevant. I think I'm, you know, I'm so glad she trusted me in that moment. I'm so glad I reacted the way I did in that moment. And I know that's, it's not, might not be typical, but it's also when you see the person that you love become this like the bloom the as soon as you see that as soon as you can like it was tangible. How can you in any way,

09:22 - 09:46
Cheryl-Host: shape or form go, that's not right. So it's, and I know that's not the case and I'm not, you know, I just want more parents to hear these stories. I want parents to understand the impact of that first reaction, the impact of the continued reaction. And do you want to share your coming out story?

09:47 - 10:07
Aime-Guest: I would love to share my coming out story. Mine is different, but not different, yet not different. 1 of the differences is though, is that I came out to myself in 2018. So less than 10 years ago.

10:07 - 10:08
Cheryl-Host: Yeah.

10:08 - 10:19
Aime-Guest: Yeah. And I was where I used to work. I had a friend who did shamanism and dream work and shadow work and things like that. And I was explaining a dream

10:19 - 10:20
Cheryl-Host: to her.

10:20 - 10:59
Aime-Guest: It was just lots of, this dream had colors and symbols and just different things. And then she looked at, she listened politely and she's like, don't take this the wrong way. And I mean this with the most kindness and everything. Yet do you think you might be attracted to women and men at that point? And I was like, no, hard pass. Nope, cannot be, not allowed to be. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna leave that with you. To take it what you do, what you will. And here in Calgary, where I live today, I'm very grateful

11:00 - 11:33
Aime-Guest: Also to live on the Blackfoot Confederacy, 27 people, the home of the Metis region of Alberta. 3, I think, without change too. And Calgary has 2 rivers that flow through the city. And I live in walking distance of 1 of a beautiful spot by 1 of the rivers. And I went there 1 day and I sat down at my favorite tree and looked up at the heavens, you know, hand on heart, hand on belly and looked up and said, okay, you know, goddess, who was I attracted to growing up? And I got quiet. And then in

11:33 - 12:03
Aime-Guest: my journal, I brought a journal and a pen, and all these girls' names fell along to the paper. This girl in elementary school, that girl in high school, that girl in the swim team in high school, this woman I worked with, this lady in university, all these women's and girls' names came flying in onto the paper. And I put my pen down, actually I dropped my pen and I cried. I was like, well maybe I am. At that point, maybe I am attracted to women and men. And you know, looking back at it, looking back at

12:03 - 12:35
Aime-Guest: my growing up years and my childhood in the years there were a few signs that I could see now. Back in the 80s, 1 of my favorite shows to watch because I was learning how to be a lifeguard and wanted to be a lifeguard and ended up being 1 was Baywatch. And I remember looking back at it now, like I really, I wasn't really attracted to David Hasselhoff or the other men characters on the show. I wasn't even attracted to Pamela Anderson. I didn't like her, but there was another lady on the show or another actress

12:36 - 13:09
Aime-Guest: that I was like, there was a couple of them. I was like, oh, she's kind of kind of cute. But then I'm like, what am I doing? Like what, what's, you know, what, what, what's going on? I can't say anything. I can't say anything. And then also too, growing up in my high school university years, my mom and dad would make comments of, oh, the boys do that whole hand flicky thing. And Another thing, we were talking earlier before we started our show today about the internet and things like that, right? Back in the mid-90s, I

13:09 - 13:18
Aime-Guest: was starting university and that's still when your family had a computer and the family had an internet and had 1 email address.

13:18 - 13:19
Cheryl-Host: So if

13:19 - 13:51
Aime-Guest: you wanted to talk to somebody, you had to put their name in the email subject line. So I was home from university in between years 1 and year 2, and I was looking on the emails and I saw an email that had my name in the subject line, but it wasn't to me, it was about me. And it was from my sister, lovely young, lovely woman. She's great. She has 2 kids. It was about me and it was to her friend, mutual friend of ours now, who had just come out as gay. And remember this is

13:51 - 14:31
Aime-Guest: in the mid 90s. So it was kind of scary. He was still in, they were still in high school, like my sister and everything. And my sister wrote to this friend and said, we think we, we think Amy's gay. What do you think? And this friend wrote back and he said, he's like, I don't know. I don't have that. I can't tell. If she is though, the main thing is can you still love her and you know, accept her and stuff? The answer I read back was no. So I don't know if that no was just

14:31 - 15:11
Aime-Guest: from my sister or from the family as a whole, right? Okay, so now jumping back, also my parents asked me, they're like, I wore stereotypical Doc Marten hiking boots and flannel shirts in high school and university because I was an outdoor kid. Like I did road guides and camping, like, you know, the whole 1 hurts. So jumping back to 2018, when I said I can't be, that was why it was like, I'm not allowed to be. Yeah. Okay. Sure. So I sat with it for a year in 2019 I was still feeling like an alien inside

15:11 - 15:49
Aime-Guest: my own body Didn't know who I could trust didn't know who I could talk to. And I was in a course with a wonderful coach. The uncommon woman is her business name. And she had a course, a 6 week course online with virtual classes like this, all about overcoming fear. And it was really interesting, because in week 3, I blurted out on screen that I'm, at that point, I'm bisexual with a lean to the feminine and I haven't told my parents yet. And I was like, what just fell out of my mouth? Like, oh my God.

15:51 - 16:23
Aime-Guest: So the class stopped and my coach looked at me through the camera screen and she goes, Amy, you're fine. We got you. We love you. You're okay. And then she kind of opened up to everybody, but still talking to me though. She's like, Amy, you are not living authentically as yourself. You help girls with their own being brave and being themselves. Nothing about the LGBT community at that point, but just about being okay being themselves. You haven't told your parents there's a disconnect so really when are you going to tell your parents? So for the whole

16:23 - 16:54
Aime-Guest: group of us she helped us write a letter as if we need when we need to tell somebody the truth and we're afraid to tell. So I wrote word for word what she said. And I didn't want to go to my parents right away. I still had a lot of that fear. So I started with 2 of my cousins that I'm connected with on Facebook. We sent them a private message And they were like, you're awesome. Then I moved to my sister. That was where it got tricky because I'm like, I'm remembering back to that letter.

16:54 - 17:30
Aime-Guest: Sure. Trauma. Yeah. I don't know. And I also put in that line and I put a sentence in this email to my sister saying, if you don't want me to see or talk to my nephews ever again, I'm fine with that. I accept that. Because I had to be like I had to be fully committed. Yeah. And it said, and, you know, next day or 2 comes back and Aaron's like, you know, my views and things have changed. You can see your nephews, they accept you. And then the bottom of her sentence, her email, it said,

17:31 - 18:07
Aime-Guest: just pull up your big bro, put your big girl panties on and go tell my mom and dad already. I was like, Oh God, okay. So it was 10, 8, 10 PM here in Alberta, midnight in Ontario. And I wrote the same email, taking out that, taking out that sentence about my nephews and I hit send and I felt very sick to my stomach and I cried myself to sleep. And then I woke up the next morning and because of the time difference I saw on my phone that they had already responded and I cried. And

18:07 - 18:40
Aime-Guest: I opened up the email and it's like, thank you for telling us, Amy, that would have been really hard for you to do. Well, we still love you, we still accept you. And then the bottom of her message, it was we thought something was going on and you would tell us when you were ready and I guess you're ready. So that was 2019. Yeah, in 2020, I was working with the same coach doing 1 to 1 private counseling or private coaching, sorry. And she's looking at me through the camera like this and she's like, Amy, you're

18:40 - 19:09
Aime-Guest: still holding on to something, like what is it, what's going on, what do you need to tell me? And I just started crying And she's very intuitive and she looked at me and she's like, are you really only attracted to women? Like full stop. And I was like, and I cried and I cried and I cried. She's like, okay, tell me, like, get it out. And I could only say it as a whisper. When I started, I was like, you know, hi, I'm Amy, and I'm attracted to women. And it took me about 4 or 5

19:09 - 19:23
Aime-Guest: times to be comfortable saying that, you know, hi, my name is Amy and I'm attracted to women. From there, though, my life has not completely changed yet. It's done a really good trip around the sun, so to speak, we'll

19:23 - 19:24
Cheryl-Host: say. Yeah.

19:25 - 20:03
Aime-Guest: I started dating and that was kind of comical because this 1 girl that I want to date with, she's like, so how do you feel about sex? And I was like, thinking in my head, I've never had sex with a woman before, so I have no idea. I have no idea. So that didn't work out. And then I met my now wife in 2021. We were on a few little dates we met. So COVID was still happening. Right. Right. And I, We've been on plenty of fish, like, you know, dating app, went out for a couple

20:03 - 20:33
Aime-Guest: of dates. It was kind of funny because at 1 point, our first meeting we were going to have, she canceled last minute, like the morning of we were going to go for breakfast. She canceled the morning of and my 1 good friend at the time, she was like, Amy, the lady, Tara is like catfishing you. I'm like, no, I don't think she is. I think we're good. I think we're good. So, you know, we had a few dates and then it was July of 2021 that we were out at a place. If you ever come to

20:33 - 21:12
Aime-Guest: visit, there's a beautiful spot outside the city in a town called Brad Creek at Elbow Falls. And we were out collecting rocks because we like, 1 of the things we realized is we like to paint rocks and put them back in the park. So we were out collecting rocks. And I had to go use the washrooms. We found an outhouse and did the washroom. And Sorry, my cat is deciding that right now he wants to climb on the curtain. That's why I'm looking away. So she, you know, we found the bathroom, whatever, and I come back

21:12 - 21:47
Aime-Guest: to the truck and get into her truck and she hands me a little stone. And she wrote on it, will you be my girlfriend? And I was like, oh my gosh, like, oh my, oh my gosh, like, can I do this? Like the mind, the mind freak that went on was crazy. And I want to say that because parents listening, like, that's what's going on in your child's mind when they want to come out to you is this whole like game in their head of, can I trust you? Can I? What's your reaction going to be?

21:47 - 22:29
Aime-Guest: I'm afraid of your reaction. I don't know. Even if you're the most open and accepting a wonderful amazing parents in the world That mind Frick is gonna happen. Yeah, So when Tara asked me to be her girlfriend, I was like, oh my God, like, can I really do this? Because of my past experiences in dating. But I said yes. And yeah, we've been, well, we had a spiritual commitment ceremony. We had a traditional Irish Celtic hand fasting. Ooh. If you follow me on social media, there's pictures every now and then that I've shared. The reason why

22:29 - 23:10
Aime-Guest: we had an Irish Celtic hand fasting and not a ceremonial wedding is because here in Alberta, and I'm guessing it might be the same in Ontario too, if there's you're in a couple and 1 person is on disability payment from the government, like support payments from the government, and the other person is not, you cannot get married because the government will see, they saw, would have seen me as the 1 making more money and okay, you can cover your partner's medical. That's a story for another whole day. But yeah, that's-

23:10 - 23:13
Cheryl-Host: But I'm glad you said that because people need to know.

23:14 - 23:16
Aime-Guest: Oh my gosh. So that's why we couldn't get married.

23:17 - 23:20
Cheryl-Host: Wow. Well, congratulations. 2 people. Thank you.

23:20 - 23:47
Aime-Guest: Thank you. It was a lot, it was really, really, it was a very, very intimate ceremony. 2 friends of mine plus Terra's mom came and my friend who is more on the spiritual side of things and has done hand fastings before. She did our ceremony and we interwove rainbow themes throughout. We are the hand fasting. Like, literally we were tied together.

23:47 - 23:49
Cheryl-Host: Yeah, that's amazing.

23:49 - 24:23
Aime-Guest: And we used 7 that they had to be odd numbers. So I said to Cheryl, the my friend, I'm like, well, the rainbow is 7 colors. Can we just use the rainbow? And she's like, yep. So we had 7 tied around our hands and she talked about the colors and the rainbow. And then we also did a sand ceremony. We just picked some water up from the bow river and the sand we had was is kinetic. So it doesn't dissolve and doesn't, it keeps its shape. So we pour the sand into the water and it's, yeah,

24:23 - 24:26
Aime-Guest: that was kind of a couple of different things we did.

24:26 - 24:47
Cheryl-Host: So, oh, that's beautiful. What a great story. Yeah. I wonder as you were talking, how did your then coaching kids change once you spoke your truth? How did that change? How did that feel? What was the difference?

24:48 - 25:26
Aime-Guest: It felt like it landed like I, you know, in podcasts and things I do, I like to say be brave, be bold, be yourself or be you. That has taken on a whole new meaning. And so with the kids, it's like, yeah, be okay being yourself and be, be you, like be authentically yourself. I, I give keynote talks to schools and to groups of youth, like, you know, summer camps and you know, girl guides, things like that. And I do a talk about self acceptance is my superpower and how that self acceptance of being true to

25:26 - 26:04
Aime-Guest: myself. And I remember when I did it a year or so ago at the school, they were celebrating diversity and they were celebrating international culture because it was a very international culture school and there was kids in different traditional dress and then there was this 1 kid at the back of the of the gym and I saw them wearing a pride flag around their neck and I was like oh that's cool and be like and be yourself and it was really fun because Tara came with me for this 1 and my last slide is a picture

26:04 - 26:22
Aime-Guest: about, you know, me being me, my self-acceptance is my true superpower. And there's a picture of Tara and I in the mountains actually. And it was fun because the kids looked at me, looked at the picture, looked over to the side of the gym and saw where Tara's sitting, looked back at me and they're like,

26:22 - 26:26
Cheryl-Host: that's your friend. There's the connection. There's the connection. So it was really cool. And the

26:26 - 27:15
Aime-Guest: kids are really good. Like most of the time it's, I want to say most of the time, kids are pretty cool with everything. Yeah. It's the sometimes the teachers and the parents and other caring and other caring adults. Yeah. So, you know, I think if a when a child is ready to come out to you, regardless of their age, case in point, you know, take a breath and say, thank you. Say thank you, say, what do you want to share anything else with me right now? Ask, say, does your child, do you have any questions? And

27:15 - 27:46
Aime-Guest: you know, you being the parent or the caring adult, because sometimes kids are not going to come out to mom and dad first They may come out to a soccer coach or a teacher or or the you know Girl guide or boy scout, you know Scouts Canada like the leaders wearing adults. That's why I like to call them just caring adults. Yeah. Okay, cool. Do you have any questions? If you, the adults, don't know, tell the child that and say, you know what, really good question, how about we go find this out together? Let's go to

27:46 - 27:57
Aime-Guest: the library and go talk to librarians because librarians in your school or not in your school have a lot of knowledge and know what books will help with what you're needing.

27:57 - 28:01
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. So I want to ask.

28:01 - 28:02
Aime-Guest: Yeah.

28:03 - 28:51
Cheryl-Host: I want to ask what parents are saying. Thank you. Parents are saying, you know, like, thanks for trusting me, which I think is so important. What is the impact of this kid who feels like they can't come out at home? What, you know, and I say this because, you know, parents have their opinions and, Oh, it's just a phase or, you know, all of this stuff. And I want parents to be so aware of their language and their reactions because of the impact it has on kids or adults, they're adult children, doesn't matter. But what, you

28:51 - 29:14
Cheryl-Host: know, I think as adults, I don't know if you agree, as adults, it's not that it's not as important, but you have more accessible community. Whereas a kid, it's mom and dad and sister and brother and you're in the house and that's it. So if you can't come out at home to them, you know, what is the impact? What is the lasting? Yeah.

29:15 - 29:56
Aime-Guest: Okay. We're going to go there. Yeah, your child is gonna die. As blunt as that sounds. Yeah. Your child does not trust you does not feel safe, can't be themselves around you. On the inside, they're dying already because they can't trust you and they can't be who they are. There's, and I wish I wrote it down, I don't have it in front of me, there's a statistic about youth in that actual time frame of the 11 to 14 age group and a little bit, it's like a little bit younger, a little bit older. Yet the rate

29:56 - 30:16
Aime-Guest: of kids attempting or successfully dying by suicide is higher if they are part of the LGBT community, as opposed to cisgender heterosexual youth. And the other caveat to that is youth who are

30:16 - 30:17
Cheryl-Host: part of the LGBT community

30:17 - 30:54
Aime-Guest: are more likely, if they're not accepted by family, go run and they live on the streets and they're homeless. There's an amazing gentleman, remind me and I can introduce you to him. There's an amazing gentleman here in Calgary that that was his story. He came out and his parents didn't accept him and he lived on the streets and now in Calgary he started this beautiful organization to help people in mostly downtown Calgary who sleep rough or are unhoused And it's a charity that he gives back. He does, they do nightly walks in the city of Calgary,

30:54 - 31:37
Aime-Guest: giving out food, blankets, toiletries, like whatever they want. Yeah, Be the Change YYC is his organization. He actually just, here in Calgary, We have the top 40 under 40 Like I am words and stuff. He was granted the top 40 under 40 Because of his work and what he does so To be very blunt your child is going to die or or turn to substance or turn to being, you know, prostituting themselves, men, girls or boys, and gonna get that release of who they are.

31:38 - 31:39
Cheryl-Host: Yeah.

31:39 - 31:44
Aime-Guest: In a different way that you would want them to.

31:45 - 32:31
Cheryl-Host: You know, and I ran the GSA at our high school and, you know, a lot of kids would come in and come out at our lunch meetings and didn't feel safe. And some of them that did come out were really concerned about their grandparents reactions and, you know, old school. And when I, and correct me if I'm wrong, how I felt about this and what I explained to them is that it may not be that they're not accepting you. It may not be anything about whether they love you or not. But They grew up in an

32:31 - 33:10
Cheryl-Host: era where anyone who was different was at very high risk. People bullied them, beat them up, you know, all of those things, and they're thinking that's going to be your life. And it might not be anything to do with you coming out. It might not be anything to do with your identity, but their reaction or even maybe parents reactions, that's where their brain is going. Yep. So what do we say to parents who the initial reaction is? What are we saying? Like how are we helping parents?

33:11 - 33:54
Aime-Guest: So their their their reaction is valid like I think that might be also a reason why I was afraid to tell my parents because my parents are, you know, 70 ish in age. So yeah, it was that initial Oh, they remember their high school days from I want to say roughly the 1950s ish maybe 60s and and what that was like so for the baby boomer generation or even the silent generation, because that's what Tara's mom is. Tara's mom is in the silent generation. She's 82.

33:55 - 33:57
Cheryl-Host: Okay. I've never heard that term.

33:58 - 34:51
Aime-Guest: Yeah. So it's your feelings are valid and your thought processes are also valid and it may take you some extra time to mull it over to be okay with it to sit with your own feelings and thoughts and and thoughts and parents of any age, young or old, especially if kids are from, some families are very, and there's different kinds, different religions and different spirituality and things like that. Some spirituality and some religions don't accept this at all. So you need to have an internal conversation with yourself of, okay, are you going to continue following the

34:51 - 34:52
Aime-Guest: church, for example?

34:53 - 34:54
Cheryl-Host: Or

34:54 - 35:33
Aime-Guest: are you going to say, church, you're awesome, yet I need to do something different and go support my child? Here in Calgary, well, before COVID, during COVID, even we had something called the YYC coming out monologues. And it was a 1 point, it was a 3 night festival of people sharing their coming out story. And there was 1 day that was all about coming out in faith and the stories of people who had a bit more of a spirituality or religious upbringing and coming out as a young person or however old they are in that respect.

35:34 - 36:11
Aime-Guest: And so just breathe, know that your child is okay or your grandchild is okay. Know that they're gonna be okay. They've trusted you. There's a reason why they've trusted you, even though it may be as hard as heck to come out for them. Yet they've trusted you. So be grateful for that. And take a breath if you have to go walk around the block. Go to the river like you know, go find somewhere and just ground yourself and and know that your child is going to be okay because they've actually told you and they haven't kept

36:11 - 36:33
Aime-Guest: it silent. They haven't been self well, they could have been self harming and maybe now they're not going to as much or not at all because they can live their truth. And speaking thinking back to my coach, 1 of the lines that she had us write in our letters is me living in My truth is more important than me living in fear.

36:34 - 37:24
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. You know, the impact of what you're saying, they trusted you. You know, I can't even, I don't think stress enough. How impactful that is for anyone. If you if someone comes out to you, that if you could put that forefront, like that is the extent of humanity, I trust you enough to be exactly who I am. And I think that is just so moving to even to really think that. So I want to say, OK, parents, you've had this reaction that you are probably regretting or even said things like, it's just a phase or it's

37:24 - 37:41
Cheryl-Host: because you're friends or, and then they've taken your advice, Amy, and they've said, I'm just gonna go for a walk now. When they come back, how can they retract? What can they say? What what would you want to hear?

37:43 - 38:24
Aime-Guest: I would want to hear I love you. And again, thank you for trusting me. You know, another sentence that may have to come out of your mouth is, you know, mom, dad, you know, parent, I need to sit with this longer or I need to do some work on my own, it's nothing to do with you. It's I need to figure some things out about myself and I need to do some research or I need to do some reading or look up some organizations or support for a parent, so I can get some help. So I

38:24 - 38:26
Aime-Guest: can get some help to help you.

38:26 - 39:03
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. And to be fair, the person coming out has had time. It's almost it's not a grieving process, but there is a process of acceptance and refusal and anger. Like all of that is still a process and I'm not calling it a grieving because it is not a grieving. It is a coming out. It is a becoming. It is a born. But to be fair, if I'm, you know, coming out to someone who has absolutely no clue, yes, they would need time for sure. So, you know, when you are coming out, even as a kid, if

39:03 - 39:32
Cheryl-Host: you're coming out and you're thinking, oh, I didn't like that reaction. Yeah. Take a breath as well. Like we still have to, you know, oh, that's how they reacted. And they're never going to accept me. But that might not be the case. It might be right. Yeah. Oh, so important. Okay, so let's the kids who don't have this luxury. What are we telling them? Where are they going? Who are they calling? What can we do to support?

39:34 - 40:16
Aime-Guest: Hopefully they're going to a school that is open and accepting. I know here in Calgary, for example, the public school system is more accepting than the Catholic school system. I don't know about the private school system. I haven't had much interaction with them. Yet I know the public school, you know, a teacher, that's why I have a workshop, a day workshop for educators to learn how to create safe spaces, literal safe spaces in their school for kids to come and say, hey, I need help or hey, I need to talk to somebody about something. Because you,

40:16 - 40:54
Aime-Guest: the parent, you, the teacher or the staff member working at the school, in some cases you see that child more than your, the parents see the child. Yeah. Sometimes, not all the time. Yeah. And so to the caring adults, it's, okay, educate yourself. And the same kind of reaction is, is take a breath and be okay. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me. Again, do you have the same questions? Same response? Do you have any questions? Let's go to the library. Let's go talk to our librarian in this school.

40:55 - 41:34
Aime-Guest: And you as a caring adult, I know high schools have them. I'm not sure about the junior high or elementary. But the high schools a lot of time have a guidance counselors or resource departments that can help the kids with XYZI know in my high school where I went in Pine Ridge, my guidance counselors were awesome. 2 of them happened to be as my also my swim coaches. So it was great fun. And so the guidance counselors are the resource people. Even sometimes Here in Calgary, some of our high schools have resource officers, school resource officers

41:34 - 42:10
Aime-Guest: that are actually members of the Calgary Police Service and they work in the schools. That's another option, another place to go to because they'll probably have resources and I'm guessing your guidance counselor's office would have resources. You know, if you're a sports coach or a youth leader of some sort coach, maybe ask the city, like where you live, like somebody who's more in charge of the organization. So, hey, do we have any resources for kids? If someone comes out to me, like do we have a somewhere we can go to help them? And just be that

42:10 - 42:23
Aime-Guest: safe person. And years ago, I took a suicide prevention program situated more around youth than kids. And kids choose their safe person to talk to.

42:25 - 43:14
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. Yeah. So I just want to touch on 1 more thing. Okay. I want to touch on because I have such a pet peeve about why the how important is it that people and ask for and appropriately use your pronouns of choice. So when I first started, we just talked about private school. And when I first started the private school about 3 years ago, there was no, there was a GSA that was almost, I don't know, I don't know, it was very invisible maybe. So for Pride Month, it was my first year there, for Pride Month,

43:15 - 43:47
Cheryl-Host: we painted the stairs, the colors of the rainbow. And I went and got all the stickers because there was no safe stickers on all the doors. And I put them all on 1 morning. And so private schools are just run by a local board, right? The people that are in the school are the board. It's not like the Board of Education like our big public schools. And I was almost reprimanded because well these things need to be brought to the board and you know sometimes they're slow to catch up and I just there's there's no catching

43:47 - 44:23
Cheryl-Host: up to keeping a school safe. I'm not going to the board. The stickers are, like, it was just the most, and it's not that they weren't open to it. They weren't opposed, but it had to go through all of this process. Well, it's not a freaking election. People need to be safe. Period. That's it. And then you would hear, you know, then I had everyone put on their emails, their pronouns had to be on their emails. And when they introduced themselves to the class, I recommended that they introduce themselves with their pronouns so that kids felt

44:23 - 44:41
Cheryl-Host: safe with their own pronouns. Now, how important is it to you when someone says, what's your pronouns? And how important is it for you when you are working with the LGBTQ plus community as well How important is it to people?

44:41 - 45:16
Aime-Guest: Really important You Thank you for a work perspective because it's now mostly common in many different workplaces, you're a safe person, I'm hoping you're a safe person I can talk to if you have your pronouns in your email. If you are at an event or you know at the front of the room teaching or you're at a meeting or whatever, and you go around the room, go around the class and say, Hi, my name is Amy McProGounds or she her, then I feel safe. I feel accepted. I feel welcomed. And I feel like I belong.

45:17 - 45:19
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. So we

45:19 - 45:31
Aime-Guest: can, I know your, I know your podcast is more about like kids and teens, but we could do another whole story about like workplace and coming out at work? That's a whole story for the other day.

45:31 - 46:09
Cheryl-Host: Yeah. And you know what it is? It is called Teen Minds Redefined, but as we even talked about before, I'm talking to the parents because first of all, teens don't listen to the same podcast their parents listen to, that would be so lame. So lame. Oh my God, I can't believe you even suggested that. Yeah. But if we're working, you know, if we have stuff going on with our kids in any sense of the word, If we can start doing our own work, what's triggering us? What's scaring us because my kid came out? Why does that

46:09 - 46:47
Cheryl-Host: scare me? Where does that come from? Like it's all of that. That's why it adds teen minds redefined, but it's it's parents redefining their relationships with their teens. We don't you know, and it ripples out and I love for for people to share this episode all my episodes, but this episode because you don't you may not have this in your life at all but somebody you know does somebody you know does or you could now come out as a safe and caring adult for someone else who's listening who would not be more honored than for somebody

46:47 - 46:58
Cheryl-Host: to say I want to come out to you and I feel safe. And I don't, I can't think of a bigger compliment. I really can't.

46:59 - 47:24
Aime-Guest: Yeah, it's, and thinking about allies, like, especially in Alberta, where I live, and Saskatchewan, and New Brunswick, we need our allies right now. Yeah. We need our allies to say enough is enough. My child or my sexuality, my gender orientation is not a political thing

47:24 - 47:25
Cheryl-Host: to

47:25 - 47:46
Aime-Guest: be arguing over, to be putting rules in schools for next year that, you know, there's 1 in Alberta that's coming possibly if everything goes through that if a child under the age I forget the age but there's some sort of logistics about if a child comes out of a certain age to the teacher the teacher has to phone the parent and say hey

47:46 - 47:47
Cheryl-Host: oh my

47:47 - 47:55
Aime-Guest: your child your child wants to use this pronoun or this name. Is that okay? No, it's not okay for the teacher to phone the parent.

47:56 - 48:34
Cheryl-Host: No, that well, this was the 1 wonderful thing about the private school is we were able to come to an agreement where if a kid said this is my pronoun here, but it's not my pronoun at home, then teachers were very at the school were very respectful of that. Yeah. And it was wonderful. Like it was wonderful because you could just see the layers come off the kids who just were not allowed to know who they were at home. Yeah, yeah. So this is the importance of these of these podcasts of the people like Amy, who

48:34 - 49:11
Cheryl-Host: are doing the work you do that I'm so grateful for, but even just sharing this stuff and talking about this stuff. And you might know a teacher whose school doesn't have this, you might know, you know, anybody that might just say, Oh, Debbie, I was just listening to this podcast. And, you know, I'm right, like, it just, you just don't know who you're going to affect and touch. And it's just like humanity, like, it's just humanity, and it's love, and it's kindness, And who doesn't need more of that? I know. Yes, totally. Right. Yeah. Amy, tell

49:11 - 49:20
Cheryl-Host: us how to work with you, where to find you. You are coming back. We're going to do a bullying episode, we may do a workplace episode. I don't know, we might just do

49:20 - 49:21
Aime-Guest: a series.

49:23 - 49:26
Cheryl-Host: But tell us how to work with you and how to find you.

49:26 - 50:02
Aime-Guest: Yes, I would love to. Well, first of all, thank you for having me on your show and to all the listeners, you know, thank you for listening. Please do share this out because it's going to save a child's life. How people can get a hold of me is through my website, amyhutton.ca. Amy is A-I-M-E. Hutton is H-U-T-T-O-N.CA. And I have a few different ways that people can work with me. I do do one-on-one coaching for youth on their own coming out journey. I can be hired in to come to schools and do talks and workshops, I

50:02 - 50:40
Aime-Guest: can be hired to come talk to businesses. This is a newer piece of what I've started, is to do queer 101 for businesses. Yeah, so there's lots of different things on my website. Another way to get a hold of me is through social media. That's how, you know, Cheryl and I connected. And as Amy had, I do have a business page of inch by inch empowerment, which is my business name. That website, though, is broken at the moment. So I'm glad I have a secondary 1. So, Intermediate Empowerment, you can search that. There's a group actually

50:40 - 51:14
Aime-Guest: on Facebook for caring adults who work with youth and you want to connect and you want to do have questions and you want to, you know, talk about things. Please go there. You do have to answer a couple of questions to be submitted and accepted into the group, yet it's a place just for caring adults to connect. There are a couple of people in there that are like me that don't have children yet, maybe work with youth. Yeah, it's really good. The other way is LinkedIn. I have 2 LinkedIn profiles because I have my day job

51:14 - 51:25
Aime-Guest: and my entrepreneur work. You can find me that way. And yeah, but social media would be really is the easier way or excuse me the website, Amy Hutton dot ca.

51:25 - 51:44
Cheryl-Host: Okay, everything is going in the show notes. Amy, thank you. You know what, even if we touched 1 person's life, this is 1000% worth it. Any last words, anything I didn't ask you about that you would really love to say? Just

51:45 - 51:57
Aime-Guest: If your child comes out to you, say thank you and know that you've actually saved their life. And as I said earlier, above all else, please be brave, be bold and be yourself.

51:58 - 52:16
Cheryl-Host: Oh, I love it. What a beautiful way to end. Thank you for listening. Teen Minds Redefined. Share, subscribe, just give this to anybody. You just don't know what's going on in someone's life and how this can help. I really appreciate all my listeners and thank you for listening.

52:18 - 52:25
Speaker 1: Teen Minds Redefined with Cheryl Pankhurst. New episodes out every Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by.

52:30 - 52:30
Cheryl-Host: You