# 55 "How to Support Your Teen: Effective Strategies for Parents" with Kevin Baker

In this insightful episode of Teen Minds Redefined, host Cheryl sits down with certified teen life coach Kevin Baker to explore the complexities of parenting teenagers in today’s digital age. With a wealth of experience empowering teens to break through limiting beliefs and develop confidence, Kevin shares tangible strategies for parents looking to support their teens effectively. From setting healthy boundaries around screen time to fostering open communication, this conversation dives deep into the challenges parents face and how to navigate them. If you're a parent feeling overwhelmed by the pressures your teen faces, this episode is a must-listen!

Cheryl- Host: Okay, my friend, grab a pen. You are going to want to take notes. My conversation with teen coach, Kevin Baker, hits so many points. We need to know about our teens and how to support them in their world. The crucial role of a trusted adult. Healthy boundaries around screen time. What limiting beliefs our teens may have. Holding them back and how we can help shift them. From social media to emotional growth, Kevin covers all the hard stuff. And we're not just talking about it. We are giving you tangible strategies to put into place now. Stay tuned

00:37 - 01:22
Cheryl- Host: and transform your parenting journey. We've got your back. Now let's do this. Welcome to another episode of Teen Minds Redefined. And today we have a conversation every parent of a teen needs to hear. I'm joined by Kevin Baker, a certified professional life coach with a passion for empowering teenagers to build confidence, break through limiting beliefs and discover true happiness. Kevin helps teens develop the inner strength needed to navigate the complexities of life from social media pressures to emotional growth. Stay tuned because Kevin is sharing the strategies that can transform how you support your team. Welcome Kevin

01:22 - 01:23
Cheryl- Host: Baker.

01:23 - 01:25
Kevin- Guest: Oh, thanks for having me, Cheryl. It's a pleasure

01:25 - 01:26
Cheryl- Host: to be here. I'm excited

01:26 - 01:27
Kevin- Guest: to talk to

01:27 - 01:41
Cheryl- Host: you about that stuff. Oh, me too. I'm going through all of your stuff and like, Oh yeah, I got to ask you about this. And I want to talk about this. And there's just so many things, but let's start with what makes Kevin Baker tick? Why is he here? What's the mission? All of the Kevin things.

01:41 - 02:23
Kevin- Guest: Yes, you know, what makes me tick is I'm a helper and I love to help people. And it makes me feel so good when I can see my efforts pay off for other people. And so I find so much purpose and so much fulfillment in what I do, especially helping teens and tweens. That's why I became a certified teen life coach was because I'm in the thick of it. I have 3 kiddos. I have a 15-year-old, a 12-year-old, and a nine-year-old. Life is hard out there for kids with everything they're up against and you know, school

02:23 - 02:26
Kevin- Guest: and social media and friendships and

02:26 - 02:26
Cheryl- Host: you

02:26 - 02:32
Kevin- Guest: know, all the things, a lot of pressure. There's a lot of pressure. There's a lot of thoughts about that.

02:32 - 02:36
Cheryl- Host: Tell I so what my first question now is how do they like you coaching them?

02:36 - 02:41
Kevin- Guest: They do not like me. It doesn't work actually on my own kids.

02:41 - 02:44
Cheryl- Host: No. So there's your parents.

02:45 - 03:23
Kevin- Guest: It's really interesting. So you know, I kind of I try to be stealth about it. You know, I try and ask the questions that I think will get me the answers that they need to tell themselves and, you know, we go through all the things. But it's a great way for me to practice. But really it does work a lot better with other kids. Just to be another trusted adult, with a fully developed frontal cortex that can help them realize the emotions they're feeling, Figure out what thought it was that they had that made them feel

03:23 - 03:33
Kevin- Guest: that emotion. And then to change the thought, you know, to make it a better thought that's gonna give them a better feeling, that's gonna give them a better result. And that's, that's what we do.

03:34 - 04:05
Cheryl- Host: And so parents who are, you know, Googling what questions to ask. It doesn't work. You need to have somebody else doing this. I was 28 years in high school and I had 2 of my own grown ass kids now. And if you think I could help them with homework or I could tell them how life works, nope, I was born 40. I have 0 experience. I know nothing except how to nag and that was it. And that's just our role. So instead of stressing out your world at home, parents, just look for a coach. Let's start

04:06 - 04:07
Cheryl- Host: with that.

04:08 - 04:51
Kevin- Guest: But you know, and the other thing that makes me tick is I was so fortunate growing up to have so many, so many mentors. And I wouldn't, they weren't coaches at the time, you know, but they were people that got me involved in, that I met through, you know, like being in the theater, you know, doing the stage crew stuff you know or people that I met through you know sports or you know just trusted adults that cheered you on you know and became your confidant and we're just like you know the adult that wasn't your

04:51 - 05:10
Kevin- Guest: parent that was telling you being honest with you and telling you things and cheering you on and making you feel really good. And making you feel like you were making good choices, without your parents being there. And that, that, and I like to pay that forward because I had so many great mentors. So that's, that's what makes me tech too.

05:10 - 05:43
Cheryl- Host: Ah, so important. That's so important. I just, I love, and the more trusted adults you can find in your kids world, like the better. It's not all on you to carry that weight. Like there's people out there for sure. And there's a lot of, you know, difficult conversations that we need to have with our kids. But if we have our own trauma, It's very different for us to try and navigate it for our kids. So sometimes we have to reach out and find, you know, different, a different person who specializes in different, different areas. Like there's

05:43 - 05:44
Cheryl- Host: nothing wrong with that.

05:44 - 06:02
Kevin- Guest: Yeah. And the baggage that we come into parenting with from our childhood experiences, you know, that are passed down generations. Yes. You know, it gives us a different perspective. Yeah. So we look at things way differently, like parents just look at things way differently than other adults.

06:02 - 06:30
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. I say in every episode, we can't parent the way we used to parent and we can't parent the way we were parented. Life is very different. There's too many other things out there and we need to like shift gears there for sure. And you know, a lot of parents will say, well, it worked when I was young and this is what I did and blah, blah, blah. And the first thing I think is, well, if you needed brain surgery, would you go to the surgeon from 1964? Or would you go to 1 that's trained a

06:30 - 06:33
Cheryl- Host: little bit? Yeah, yeah.

06:33 - 06:33
Kevin- Guest: Great point.

06:33 - 06:46
Cheryl- Host: Right? Yeah. So let's talk about, okay, why teens? Like, why teens? What is it about the teen connection that makes you feel Like this is the place for me.

06:49 - 07:22
Kevin- Guest: Well I have this really uncanny ability to make friends and build rapport and connection with teenagers and young adults because I don't want to like pat myself on the back but I'm pretty cool. And like we talk about the video games and we talk about music and we talk about movies and stuff that's going on. And we talk about like who's sus, and who's got the res and all this stuff. And yeah, they laugh at me a little bit sometimes when I say that, but for the most part, like I can connect with them and I

07:22 - 08:01
Kevin- Guest: understand and I listen to them. And, and I understand where they're coming from. Yeah. And, and For me, it's like being able to go back in time, you know, 30 years and tell my younger self things about experiences that like they might not consider yet. And I think that if we can help young adults and teenagers at that age, they'll be able to have such a more positive impact in their own lives. If we can adjust their thoughts now, like the kiddos that are saying right now, they're like, I can't do that. You know, I'll never

08:01 - 08:20
Kevin- Guest: be good enough or I'm never going to make it. Like if we can change that thought now at the age of 12, you know, instead of at the age of 35. I just think about how much more success and happiness they're gonna have in their lives.

08:20 - 08:22
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, so limiting beliefs.

08:22 - 08:24
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, oh, it's all about, yeah, limiting beliefs.

08:24 - 08:45
Cheryl- Host: So can you tell me, do teens have a, like this, myriad of limiting beliefs, but are they very focused to teens? Like, do they, is there a specific conversation you're, you know, all the teens always seem to struggle with this team. They always need to struggle with this. What limiting beliefs do they pinpoint to you? Is there?

08:49 - 08:53
Kevin- Guest: I mean, the, the, the number 1 thing is, you know, I'm not good enough.

08:54 - 08:54
Cheryl- Host: Yeah.

08:55 - 09:31
Kevin- Guest: Yeah. Or I'm never going to make it. And, you know, they get that from a lot of the input that they get from social media when they see the highlight reels of all these people's lives out there doing all these fancy expensive things on vacation every day, apparently. Ferrari. Yeah, what is the Ferrari on the yacht? And, and the kids are like, oh, I don't have that. Like, what's wrong with me? Like, my parents don't have that even like, I don't know. I might not make it like, you know, this, I'm, Maybe I'm not good enough

09:31 - 10:01
Kevin- Guest: for that. Like, why don't I have that? Like they get the FOMO. Yeah. And parents, you know, 1 of the things parents can do is, you know, explain to their kids that like, hey, this isn't real. You know, like this took, you know, 2 weeks to edit and it's just not real life. This is like just people selling you stuff and just give kids a reality check on that and the more we can be that voice in their head when they're watching these things scrolling through like, oh, that's not real. Oh, like, you know, that took

10:01 - 10:14
Kevin- Guest: 2 weeks to edit. You know, near your parents voice in your head when you're scrolling through that stuff, then maybe you won't think it's truth. Yeah, you know, and maybe you'll take it with a grain of salt and realize that, okay, I'm not really missing out because this isn't real.

10:15 - 10:25
Cheryl- Host: So if a parent has that limiting belief, how would they be able to shift it? So they are...

10:25 - 10:31
Kevin- Guest: Well you really have to go back to the original traumatic event that gave them that belief.

10:32 - 10:36
Cheryl- Host: Okay. And probably the way they were parented.

10:37 - 11:03
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, or somebody said something to them at some point that, you know, gave them that belief. I remember that, you know, I was in, you know, second grade, I went to Catholic school in New York growing up. And, you know, I remember looking up at the priest and he asked me, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I was like, I want to be a baseball player. And he looked at me and he's like, well, you'll never be good enough. You know, and that thing stuck with me, you know, and like compounded,

11:03 - 11:42
Kevin- Guest: you know, because once you have baggage, it just gets bigger and bigger, you know. Yeah, yeah. And then and then it's like, you know, then you think it's a truth. You know, and it's not like it's not fact. Yeah. And so and so you know, things like that inputs like that happen all the time. People don't even realize that they're giving kids inputs, but like kids are like sponges. Yeah. You know, and, and so, but the good part is, you know, once that neural pathway is created and that like negative thought is there, you can change

11:42 - 11:51
Kevin- Guest: it, you know, and you can rewire the brain to have a more positive empowering thought if you work at it.

11:52 - 11:52
Cheryl- Host: How?

11:53 - 12:24
Kevin- Guest: Well it's like going to the gym, like building muscle, you know? It's like you have to work at it and repeat it and think it. You have to think the positive thought 5 or 10 times more often than you do the negative thought and then it will become the recurring thought that you have. And then once you have the recurring thought of, you know, I am good enough and I am gonna make it with practice. And if I try hard and if I keep at it, like I can do this, then you're empowered and like you're

12:24 - 12:28
Kevin- Guest: limitless and you just keep going. Like whatever you think of at that point, you can accomplish.

12:28 - 12:44
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, yeah. I wanna ask then, how do teens, you're a teen coach, how are they receptive to this information because you're we're talking to parents you're like oh my god they're never going to listen to me they're going to think I'm not how receptive are teens to this kind of information

12:46 - 12:48
Kevin- Guest: well I don't actually tell them all that.

12:48 - 12:50
Cheryl- Host: Okay, same work.

12:51 - 12:56
Kevin- Guest: They figure it out themselves. That's the only way they're going to learn it is if they figure it out themselves.

12:57 - 13:01
Cheryl- Host: Okay. And how are they? How is What is the process?

13:02 - 13:41
Kevin- Guest: We, we, we build rapport. I listen deeply to, what they're feeling and why, whether they're feeling like hopeless or unmotivated or disappointed or maybe they're excited or passionate about something. I've listened for the feeling and then we figure out, you know, the thought that they're having that's causing that feeling. So it's, you know, well, why, why

13:41 - 13:42
Cheryl- Host: are you excited?

13:42 - 14:20
Kevin- Guest: Well, I'm excited because I'm starting this new thing. Okay. You know, well, why are you, you know, why are you feeling hopeless? You know, well, I feel hopeless because, you know, my friend is going on this vacation and my parents, we don't go anywhere. We stay home, we do this, we don't go on vacation. Okay, well that's normal for you to feel like, you're not getting something that your friends are and they're better off than you, but what fun things does your family do? We talk through that and then so they see like actually, yeah, we

14:20 - 14:44
Kevin- Guest: do have this big trip coming up and you know, it is going to be a great time. It's like, okay. Well, now we, you know, now you've changed the thought and have a much better emotion. And then they can see that when they change their thought, they have a better emotion, and then they have a better action.

14:45 - 14:56
Cheryl- Host: And so what I'm thinking the whole time you're saying this is you're not giving them the answer. You're not giving them the bandaid solution. They are figuring out for themselves.

14:57 - 15:00
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, you have to let their brain go through the work of doing it.

15:00 - 15:01
Cheryl- Host: Yeah.

15:01 - 15:12
Kevin- Guest: You know, and that way it's like, you know, yeah, you don't put a bandaid on you. You know, you, you, you don't, what's the, what's the saying is like, you know, you teach them, teach them to fish.

15:12 - 15:16
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. Yeah. And then they have that skill forever.

15:17 - 15:17
Kevin- Guest: Forever.

15:17 - 15:31
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. So as they start to, you know, they're at 35 and feeling a little low or feeling a little, they go back to, oh, I know how to, I know how to work this out. I know how to because all the, like, it's just

15:31 - 15:34
Kevin- Guest: building awareness. Yeah. Once they can build awareness that

15:36 - 15:36
Cheryl- Host: they're having that thought that's

15:36 - 16:07
Kevin- Guest: making them feel, then they can think any thought and give themselves whatever feeling they'd like. That's why it's so important to Show gratitude and feel the gratitude and like be grateful and think about all the things that are right you know, I think about all the things that you're excited about and and and then You can keep your feelings really positive with with the positive thoughts Mm-hmm. And when you have those positive feelings, then you act positively and have better results. Yeah.

16:08 - 16:39
Cheryl- Host: And parents can be totally demonstrating this all day long with their own conversation, because, You know, they don't hear us, they see us, they watch us. And so if we're demonstrating those skills on our own, instead of thinking that we have to be, and I think we had this whole era of parenthood where we just had to have all the answers and we just had to be perfect. And we just, there was, we didn't struggle. We didn't, or we didn't let them see us struggle. And so they didn't learn how to do these things. It's like

16:39 - 17:06
Cheryl- Host: you said, we're waiting till we're 35 because we didn't learn any of it. We didn't see anybody doing it. And I called myself out. I had to be perfect. I was like the old Google mom. I had to have all the answers and, you know, and it's now I'm thinking, oh, there's so many times I could have said, oh, that's, that's not a very, you know, empowering thought or that's not helpful or whatever, let me switch that out loud.

17:07 - 17:07
Kevin- Guest: The

17:07 - 17:32
Cheryl- Host: kids are hearing you say these things and figuring, Oh, well, that kind of shifted how she looks right now. She's not so angry and grumpy. And so when parents are thinking about getting a coach like a parent would say oh you know what I'm in the situation I really need a coach for my kid what are they doing what are they thinking what are they asking

17:33 - 18:19
Kevin- Guest: you know they're I guess they're frustrated and they're confused and trying to figure out, you know, like why, you know, maybe they're really frustrated with their kiddo and what's going on at home or at school, and they just don't know what they're doing wrong, and they don't know how to connect, and they're not sure, they're probably not sure what to do because they have so many thoughts. Because, you know, the parenting is so emotional because most parents, and you said this before, you know, learn how to be a parent from the way they parented them. And

18:19 - 19:04
Kevin- Guest: when it's not going the right way, they have this like inner emotion that makes them feel like they're not a good parent because of the way things are happening. And It's not a fact that they're not a good parent. Parenting is just hard. And when you're dealing with a little human that doesn't really understand yet the difference between the emotions and the reason, the thoughts that they're having, and it's all mixed together with a bunch of different hormones and everything else that's going on. You know, parenting's hard. And so most of the time they're looking for

19:04 - 19:42
Kevin- Guest: results. They're looking for their kid to get better grades, make more friends, spend less time online or on the screen or show some motivation and some effort in what they're doing. And those are all things that, you know, when, when we first talk, when I first talked to parents, you know, we, we call out like, hey, what results do you want to see? Because those are the things we're going to focus on. And then we say, okay, well, we want, you know, Billy to make 3 more friends this year at school. It's like, okay, 3 more

19:42 - 20:09
Kevin- Guest: friends. That's totally doable. You know, you want to go from, from, from B's to A's, you know, we can accomplish that. We're not going to probably not going to go from Ds to As, you know, but we can we can go from Bs to As for sure. But we can we can make progress. And so that's what they're looking for. They're looking for results. And then we outline the results. We have we have a call to sort of to brief on everything. And then we start talking to the to the young adults and the teenagers and,

20:09 - 20:13
Kevin- Guest: and see what's going on with them. And see how we can get those results.

20:14 - 20:22
Cheryl- Host: Do you Is there ever a disconnect between the results the parent wants and the result the kid wants once you start talking?

20:24 - 20:25
Kevin- Guest: No, they just say it differently.

20:26 - 20:27
Cheryl- Host: Okay.

20:27 - 20:59
Kevin- Guest: So, you know, a lot of it's like, you know, well, the parents just wants the kid to be happy, you know, and the kid just wants to be, you know, successful, you know, and a lot of times you just have like define, you know, like what is happiness to you, mom and dad, you know, and what, you know, what then to like teenager, you know, what does success mean to you? Because sometimes, words, different words mean different things to different people. And you know, the kids just wanna make the parents happy, really, you know, deep down.

21:00 - 21:18
Kevin- Guest: And the parents just want the kids to be happy. So everybody really wants the same thing. It's just about like navigating like what that all means and how do we get there and how do we get on the same page and communication and connection is the main thing that everybody's got to work on.

21:18 - 22:02
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, yeah. So if a parent is looking is really struggling and they just don't know the signs of what kind of emotional struggle their kids are actually going through. How do they get from, I'm watching my kids struggle to, I need some coaching for this kid. Like are they reaching out to you first? Do you have to have all this buy-in with the kid right away? Like what is, you know, what is that? Because sometimes, you know, parents can be a little controlling. Just a little. Sometimes we can, helicopter parents, sometimes we can smother the kids

22:02 - 22:36
Cheryl- Host: as opposed to support. So can you talk about that? The difference between us completely as parents, completely controlling how things are gonna go and how the help or how they can kind of release some of that control? Maybe you tell me how come when they do that, if they're in this like spiral vortex of, I just want, I just want to be 18 and grow up and get out of this. Right? That's, that's the saddest thing I ever hear is just wishing these teens these teen years away. So how can how can they like find that

22:36 - 22:36
Cheryl- Host: line?

22:38 - 23:28
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, I think the you know the best advice that I can give is to You know is to really listen to what's going on with your kid on what they're saying and how they're acting. But when the parent is like true frustrated and they don't know what to do, listening to podcasts like yours, probably 1 of the best things they can do to start the wheels turning on, I'm not the only 1 out here, you know, facing all these struggles and dealing with this, like there's, are there 60 63 million parents that are struggling right now?

23:28 - 23:42
Kevin- Guest: I read on the attorney general's thing that he put out. I mean, there's a lot of pain that the community is huge. You know, like you're not alone. You're not alone. And you're a good parent for recognizing that something's not right.

23:43 - 23:44
Cheryl- Host: Yes,

23:44 - 24:18
Kevin- Guest: like great call. There's a red flag, like something's going on and you have to figure out the thing. And noticing that there's a problem is the first step. And there's so many resources out there, just like this podcast, that can help people understand that. And, you know, life coaching for coaching for parents is is a big thing. Like I think, you know, people go and take their class, their their pre birthing class at the hospital, you know, before you're going to have a baby, which is like, you know, saying a lot of people do. But no

24:18 - 24:20
Kevin- Guest: 1 takes the teenager class.

24:21 - 24:21
Cheryl- Host: Mm-hmm.

24:22 - 24:53
Kevin- Guest: You know, and that is, and you know, I don't know if anybody takes the, you know, like the toddler class. Maybe some people take the toddler class. But you know, the five-year-old class, I don't think anybody takes that 1. It's tough. You know, it's really, it's really tough. There's not a lot of good, well-known, there are resources out there. I've talked to many people actually on podcasts that are experts like you, but that, you know, they work with, you know, 3 to 5 year olds, the 7 year olds. So there are people out there, but the

24:53 - 25:06
Kevin- Guest: resources just aren't as well known, but they are out there. And I think this call might motivate me to like build the thing, to like put the resource out there for everybody to know that like they're not alone.

25:06 - 25:43
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, it is so friggin hard. It's so hard. It's just and I worked with parents for 28 years. It is hard and you're not failing if you're still trying. That's, I just got to say that because so like parents are just, and there's so many like really tough issues, really tough issues. But you know, if you can like reach out, like there's so much out there, there really is. And there's no shame in reaching out and there's no, like you said, you're not alone. Oh my goodness. The feedback from, you know, different topics that we talk

25:43 - 25:56
Cheryl- Host: about is like, oh, me too, me too, me too. Where do I find that? And it's, you know, it doesn't have to be your job to fix everything in the house. And that's why you have people like Kevin.

25:58 - 26:07
Kevin- Guest: So a lot of the times, you know, what I suggest is to, you know, let the kids make choices and let them figure it out.

26:09 - 26:10
Cheryl- Host: Starting with? Like what?

26:12 - 26:44
Kevin- Guest: If they you know starting with you know if they would like some food or something, you know, they're asking you for something, it's like, okay, well, you know, go, go figure that out. You know, you have here's the plan, you know, we're having dinner at this time, go pick a pick a good snack, probably healthy. And you don't see what happens and just start to give them more power and more power to make decisions and make choices and understand that it's okay to make mistakes. That's when we learn. But that will sort of help them to

26:44 - 27:17
Kevin- Guest: understand that, well, wait a minute, I have control of what I can choose and I have the ability to make good choices and I have the ability to make bad choices. And let's see what the consequences are for making a good choice and the consequences for making a bad choice and see how that goes. And that's how they learn. That's how their brains learn. But when parents hold on too much and when they don't give their kids the rope to make their own choices and to go out and learn how to be a human being, like

27:18 - 27:27
Kevin- Guest: that is when the kids are gonna stick around too long. Like that's when you've actually done too much, and you've done too much for them, and now they can't

27:28 - 27:28
Cheryl- Host: do it.

27:29 - 27:32
Kevin- Guest: They can't do it because they never learned how because you've been doing it the whole time.

27:32 - 28:09
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. And you know, I feel like it demonstrates so clearly to the kids that you don't have faith in them. If you're making all these decisions and fixing all the problems and running the homework back to school and packing their lunch when they're 16. I feel like you're just not showing that you have any faith in them to make these decisions and fall from grace and pick themselves up and brush themselves off. We can still always have their back. But we have to let them fall. How to fix anything.

28:10 - 28:43
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, you bounce back stronger, you know, and the things that, you know, the things that catch them are the, you know, are the values that we instill and the, you know, the really the character traits, you know, and all the things that we want them to be kind and respectful and, you know, trustworthy and good friends and you know, all these things. Those are the things that are going to keep them from making really, really, really big mistakes because, you know, that's what parents job are. But those core values in there. So no matter what happens,

28:44 - 28:45
Kevin- Guest: they're going to be OK.

28:45 - 28:54
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. Yeah. So my son's 34. And whenever he's going to do something, he'll and he's married. And he'll say, I know, mom, I'll make good choices.

28:55 - 28:56
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, it's a good 1.

28:56 - 29:33
Cheryl- Host: I'm like, okay, it's stuck, something's stuck. Oh my goodness. So I just want to ask a question about when we were saying, I just want my kids to be happy. How do we encourage our kids, human beings period, to find that the happiness starts internally and not externally. Is there, and I know this is probably a whole book and a conversation and a mirror and a movie, but is there a couple of things that you can share with parents that might help with that?

29:42 - 30:35
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, I mean, the And it's an interesting conversation to have, you know, with a, with a team or a young adult regarding happiness, because there's so much that comes into play. You know, happiness can be achieved in many different ways. There's, There's like a synthetic happiness that you can find and there's authentic happiness that you can have an authentic happiness is being able to be happy with yourself, you know, like no matter what happens on the exterior, it's, you know, a state of mind that is achieved when you have, you know, certain relationships and meaningful purpose

30:35 - 30:54
Kevin- Guest: in your life. And you have passions and you have people that you care about. So there's a whole checklist of things that'll make you happy. It is a book. We can maybe on the sequel. We'll

30:54 - 30:55
Cheryl- Host: get into

30:55 - 31:37
Kevin- Guest: the whole thing. But really, letting kids know that they are the ones that they have to live with for the rest of their lives and no 1 else. And until you love yourself, you can't love anybody else authentically. Like you have to, you have to love yourself and you have to love everything about yourself. And if there's something about yourself that you don't love, you know, we have to figure out what it is and why, and how do we change it? So you do love it Because it's so important. And once you love yourself and you

31:37 - 32:04
Kevin- Guest: practice self love and care in every aspect, then you will be able to go out and help other people and be able to love other people. But you have to fill up your own cup first. And only then after that can you pour out of it, you know, for other people. So, Yeah, self-love and self-care is like the most important thing that that

32:04 - 32:27
Cheryl- Host: I love that you talk about that and you and do you have ways that you give for teens for self-love? Like is there something that they resonate with? Like I meditate, I journal, I walk, all of those things. Are there different a couple of different things that teens really resonate with in this in the sense of self care and self love?

32:28 - 32:30
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, I mean, none of them get enough sleep.

32:31 - 32:32
Cheryl- Host: Yeah.

32:33 - 33:03
Kevin- Guest: So it's it's really diet for them. It's diet, exercise and sleep. You know, it's like, that's the that's the foundation. And and you have to nail those things. And it's so important for them to get all the sleep because there's so many things grabbing at their attention, whether it's school or social media or video games or afterschool sports or whatever it is. You know, they're like telling me they're getting 6 hours of sleep. And I'm like, you can save that for college

33:04 - 33:04
Cheryl- Host: and

33:04 - 33:42
Kevin- Guest: you need 9 hours or 10 hours of sleep right now. You know? Yeah. And so that's really important. And then just focusing on diet and exercise And trying to really instill a sense that, you know, successful people are really just a combination of good habits. And if you can put together, you know, a string of 5 or 6 good habits, you know, that you do every day that help you to sleep better and better and exercise more. You're off to a great start.

33:43 - 34:02
Cheryl- Host: Totally manageable. Totally manageable. Doesn't cost a million dollars. No have to filter your video for it. No. Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. That's great. All right. 1 last thing I'm going to ask if you could make wave a magic wand, what would you change for teens? What would you like? I can just do this and this is what's going to happen.

34:04 - 34:05
Kevin- Guest: I'd make all the screens go

34:06 - 34:10
Cheryl- Host: away. Oh, no. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

34:10 - 34:27
Kevin- Guest: OK. I turn it back and I well, you know, let me let me I wouldn't make them all go away. I would make them so they could only use the screens at school for educational purposes and to better their lives, not for time wasting, and not for dopamine rushes.

34:29 - 34:30
Cheryl- Host: Bingo, mic drop.

34:31 - 34:33
Kevin- Guest: Not for babysitters, babysitters either.

34:33 - 35:09
Cheryl- Host: It's amazing. Like, and this is again, a whole other show, but to go to even a restaurant and see the 2 year olds with the iPad, like, What are you doing? I'm judging you right now. Yeah, clearly I'm judging you right now. This is what you're doing. I'm judging you because it's just, oh my gosh, that the whole addiction thing that these poor kids are just and you're right. Like I'm thinking, I don't know, 16, 17, maybe you get, maybe you get a cell phone. There's no reason for it. There's literally no reason for it. Oh,

35:09 - 35:23
Cheryl- Host: I have to get a hold of them at school. School has a phone. Oh, I'm going to be like picking them up. School still has a phone and a PA system. You don't need to be. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a, yeah. I love that. That's the thing.

35:23 - 35:46
Kevin- Guest: That's the detriment that's going to be, you know, that's a downfall of this generation of kids is they, unfortunately it's been kind of normalized, you know, for kids to be on screens. And it's not freaking normal. No, no, it's not normal.

35:48 - 35:53
Cheryl- Host: Even here, they're saying no cell phones at school. They're trying to enforce it now at school.

35:53 - 35:54
Kevin- Guest: Yeah.

35:54 - 36:01
Cheryl- Host: And I'm telling you, all the teachers, not all the teachers, so many teachers I worked with sitting at their desk.

36:03 - 36:03
Kevin- Guest: Modeling.

36:03 - 36:09
Cheryl- Host: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, we got to get rid of these screens. Let's let's let's make it a mission.

36:12 - 36:19
Kevin- Guest: John Hyatt, who wrote the book, The Anxious Generation, He's got a whole campaign about like, just like kill this. You should follow him on Instagram or Facebook.

36:19 - 36:20
Cheryl- Host: He's done

36:20 - 36:21
Kevin- Guest: your times to.

36:22 - 36:44
Cheryl- Host: I love it. Is there strategies to say to a parent? You know, you've got this is going to be another show, but I'm going to say 1 thing, 1 more thing, because now I'm going to go down the screen path. Your kid is adamant, like adamant, like just not putting the screen down. What do you say? What is your strategy?

36:46 - 36:57
Kevin- Guest: You know, listen, that you were, we need a boundary, you know, listen, here's the boundary. You know, if I ask you 2 times and it's still not away, then it goes away.

36:57 - 37:01
Cheryl- Host: Yeah. Yeah. You don't need to be their friend, right?

37:01 - 37:35
Kevin- Guest: No, that's the boundary. And so it's like, these are the rules we have. And you can have it, you are allowed, how much screen time do you think you need? And okay, you think you need an hour a day, All right. Well, I think we can do that. That sounds reasonable to me. Let's do that. What time would you like to do it? Let them set the rules. Yeah. But after that hour, that's when That's the boundary. Yeah. And if you cross that boundary, what do you think is going to happen? It's going to get taken

37:35 - 37:57
Kevin- Guest: away. Okay, great. So we're on the same page. Go ahead and enjoy it. Communication is big. And I know that, you know, if you have a friend that you're playing with on the thing and you have to go and they make you feel bad about having to go, well then we need to like revisit the friendship there. Like if they're not your friend, they're just a person.

37:58 - 37:58
Cheryl- Host: Yes.

37:58 - 38:01
Kevin- Guest: They're just a person on the other end of that thing. They're not your friend.

38:02 - 38:12
Cheryl- Host: So good. So good. Yep. 100%. Oh, this has been such a great conversation. I could probably go for another 4 hours. So we'll do

38:13 - 38:15
Kevin- Guest: it again next week or whenever you want.

38:15 - 38:24
Cheryl- Host: Let's pick 1 topic and go crazy. That's perfect. Okay, Kevin, where do we work with you? How do we find you? Sure.

38:24 - 38:45
Kevin- Guest: Yeah, LifeCoachKevin.com is my website and you can find me on Instagram at LifeCoachKevin and on Facebook at Team Life Coach. And happy to chat with parents out there who are seeing some red flags and wanna talk about results they wanna see and we'll put together a customized plan for your kiddo. And then everybody will be in good shape moving forward.

38:45 - 39:13
Cheryl- Host: Amazing. And definitely go on the website because I looked at all of it. I was looking at on your Instagram all the success stories that you have on there, the little clips. And that was just like, oh, this is great. This is great. And this is great. So do it. I'll put everything in the show notes. Kevin, thank you so much. I so appreciate this. I love the work that you do. We need more people doing what you do. It's just amazing. It's magic. And I thank you for joining us. Thank you for listening to Teen

39:13 - 39:16
Cheryl- Host: Minds Redefined and we'll see you next time.