#67 "Success Codes for Teens: A Guide to Overcoming Challenges and Achieving Goals" with Clare Ford

In this enlightening episode of *Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's World*, host Cheryl Pankhurst welcomes international best-selling author and renowned teen coach Claire Ford. Together, they explore the essential tools and strategies that parents can use to empower their teenagers and foster meaningful relationships.

Claire shares her innovative "Teen Success Codes," a manual designed to help both parents and teens navigate the complexities of adolescence. From establishing clarity and expectations to promoting ownership and accountability, this episode is packed with actionable insights that will transform your parenting approach.

Discover the importance of having those tough conversations earlier, the value of a family vision board, and how to model self-care for your teens. Claire also offers free resources, including a teen revision guide and conversation starters, to help you connect with your kids on a deeper level.

Join us as we redefine what it means to be a parent in today's world and inspire a generation of empowered, purpose-driven young people.

Cheryl
01:03 - 01:37
My episode today with Claire Ford was incredible. You get this manual to drive a car, you get a manual to operate your oven in the kitchen, but you don't get a manual to parent. But Claire has solved that problem for you. She has a manual with the success codes for raising our kids and it is fantastic. We talk about clarity and expectations. We talk about ownership and accountability, determination, empowerment, and all the good things that we really need to bring to the surface when we want to raise our kids to be these amazing human beings in the world.

Cheryl
01:37 - 02:08
She also talked about having a family vision board. I thought, oh, that's that kind of gold right there. Not just a personal vision board, but a family vision board, sharing your values, sharing how you want your life to go as a family. I think that's so cool. She also shared some free resources I'll put in the show notes. I also have resources for you, a freebie conversation starter, when you just don't know how to open that door to those conversations with your teens. And so have a mini course to offer how to talk to your team when you just have no idea where to start.

Cheryl
02:08 - 02:52
And that's all the really difficult conversations that, you know, sex and screens and drugs and all the really tough conversations. This helps you open the door for that. And I just wanna thank Claire for this great episode and listen on as we dive in. Thank you for being here. Here we go. Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens, Advice Redefined for Today's World, the podcast where we navigate the joys and challenges of raising teenagers while defining what it means to be a parent in today's world. I'm your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and today I am thrilled to welcome Claire Ford to the show.

Cheryl
02:52 - 03:45
Claire is an international best-selling author, a highly regarded teen coach, who's passionate about reshaping education and personal development for the next generation. As the founder of Switched On, she has dedicated her career to empowering teens and equipping families with innovative coaching programs and impactful resources. Her flagship initiative, the teen success codes, focuses on teaching teens actionable life skills, emotional resilience strategies, and future focus tools to help them thrive academically and personally. Claire's mission is to inspire a generation of future ready change makers and bring positive transformation to families and communities across the globe. You are not going to want to miss this conversation as Claire shares powerful insights and practical tools that will empower you and your team.

Cheryl
03:46 - 03:48
Claire, welcome to the podcast.

Clare-Guest
03:49 - 04:10
Thank you so much, Cheryl, for that amazing introduction. And it is an absolute pleasure to be joining you from the other side of the pond here in the UK. I'm delighted to have this conversation with you, kicking off 2025, you know, in a positive way that we need to go on. So thank you so much for having me here as your guest.

Cheryl
04:10 - 04:39
Oh, thank you. I'm really excited about this. And I want to, you know, I love how you, you know, get into like change makers and futures and how, you know, things are so different now. And that's the point of the, you know, kind of my tagline. It's like for today's world, for today's complex world. We didn't have half of this stuff before that we're dealing with now. So it's new for everybody. It's not like, oh, back in the day. Yeah, there is no back in the day anymore. We're starting from fresh. So Claire, let's just start by like, what's your story?

Cheryl
04:39 - 04:42
What's your, you know, why are you here doing what you're doing?

Clare-Guest
04:42 - 05:24
Yes, I love that. Thank you so much. And Just to speak into that, that redefined, you know, it is a whole new paradigm, isn't it? And I think that that's such an important point that you make in the title of your podcast. So, yeah, we can come back around to that because I think it's really important. So yes, I am a team success coach. I'm an educator with over 20 years experience and I'm an international best-selling author. And my passion is around empowering young people. And I've brought up my own 2 boys, my stepdaughter, worked with lots and lots of young people, hundreds of young people over the years.

Clare-Guest
05:24 - 06:01
And although some of the teen angst is the same as when we were teenagers, there's some things which are just obviously part of the human condition. I think that what is different now and what motivated me to write these success codes is that we do need something new. We do need to acknowledge that there are different issues, different constraints, different problems that our teenagers are facing nowadays that we didn't face as teenagers. And so, yeah, That's exactly what it is.

Cheryl
06:02 - 06:31
I love it. I love it. And so I just noticed, before we even dive into the success codes themselves, I wanted to ask you something, because I know you coach kids and teens. So what is the difference for you? Where do you go, oh, this is the great divide. Can you answer that? Because I did a very, we've both been in education for years and years and years. And when I first started, I went to elementary. So for us, that's grade 1 to 8.

Clare-Guest
06:31 - 06:33
Yes, we call that 5 years.

Cheryl
06:33 - 07:03
Yeah. Hated it. I did a stint for about a month. And I think the very first recess where they started wiping their nose on my sleeve outside, I would rather be told where to go and how to get there from a teenager than to do this. So I want to know for you, like what the difference is, because it's there's almost like this this divide, like at some point, there's like this, I don't know, like organic switch between our role as a parent?

Clare-Guest
07:04 - 07:46
Yes, there is. However, I think that is more of a gray area than we realize. For example, let me give you a little example. I was, you know, we had my step-grandchildren over Christmas, and 1 of them is 8, 1 of them is 13. And the eight-year-old, she's scarily mature for her age. Like, I was helping her fasten up her beautiful new sparkly sandals. But I felt I felt her legs and I said to her mum, I said, oh my gosh, is she shaving? Is she shaving her legs? And she said, like, don't even go there.

Clare-Guest
07:46 - 07:52
Like, it's ridiculous. So even 8 year olds are kind of turning into teenagers. Right.

Cheryl
07:52 - 07:53
Oh my gosh.

Clare-Guest
07:54 - 08:38
It's not like they're 13 and then they're a teenager. I think this tween stage is actually getting younger and younger. And I remember when I worked in primary schools, which I've done for many, many years, that girls were going through puberty earlier on, like at the age of 9 or 10, there were girls starting their periods in primary school. And so, again, they're being shown social media, there's all this pressure, even through, you know, dolls and stuff about how to wear crop tops and all this sort of stuff. And so things are happening a lot earlier than we recognize or that we want to recognize as parents.

Clare-Guest
08:38 - 09:18
And so I think that those conversations have to happen a lot earlier as well around sex, around social media, around pornography, around all these kind of stuff, relationships, stranger danger, what to say, what not to say, all these conversations have to happen a little bit earlier, because if we're giving kids from as young as 2 screens to play on, they're going to be seeing stuff much earlier on than perhaps we realise. So, I can't really answer your question because there isn't, it's a very grey area and I think each child and each family's dynamic and situation is different.

Clare-Guest
09:18 - 09:33
You might have a 12 year old, for example, who is much more innocent, for want of a better word, you know, less less kind of streetwise and, you know, than an 8 year old. So, yeah. Have you noticed that, too?

Cheryl
09:33 - 09:52
I absolutely have. I did a private school, after I taught high school for years and years, I went to private school for about 3 years, which included a grade 7, 8. And so going from teaching 9 to 12, and then going into the private school the sevens and eights I thought oh that's what the nines and tens were doing exactly

Clare-Guest
09:53 - 09:53
and I

Cheryl
09:53 - 10:16
thought oh my goodness so we need to be you know I can picture parents saying well they're not ready for that they're not ready for that but if they're inquiring exactly there's even a hint it's you're ready to have those conversations because if you're not having those conversations, they're Googling it, they're asking their friends, and you don't want them getting the information from people who don't have the same values as you do.

Speaker 3
10:17 - 10:19
So, as hard as it is,

Cheryl
10:19 - 10:21
yes, conversations.

Clare-Guest
10:21 - 11:02
Yes, And actually, this is 1 of the things, you know, in the codes, but this discernment, right? Because these answers are available to anybody in nanoseconds at the click of a button, even if they misspell the word and they can't pronounce it correctly. So you've got young children, you know, you've got preteens trying to find out about their sexuality, trying to find out about various drugs, getting hold of, you know, vapes, you know, what can I use at home that's gonna make me high? Like all of this information is out there. And so I think it's really, really important that these challenges are different and the challenges that parents face today are different.

Clare-Guest
11:03 - 11:51
And you absolutely said with love, but we cannot bury our heads in the sand any longer and just kind of say, oh, well, they'll get round to that when they do sex education at school, or we'll talk about that when they're a bit older. No, like, literally, this is 1 of the main challenges that young people face today is this pressure to succeed, you know, the distractions, the mental health struggles, but also this plethora of answers, which is available to everybody. And so discernment and critical thinking have to absolutely be key skills, which if not taught in schools, and let's be honest, they're not necessarily taught in schools, hence the coaching.

Clare-Guest
11:53 - 12:12
But if they're not taught at school, then parents need to take that responsibility to make sure that they are taught somehow, whether that's at home, whether that's through a coach like us, whatever. This discernment, critical thinking and asking better questions, I think, is absolutely crucial.

Cheryl
12:13 - 12:36
I couldn't agree more. And I wanted let's let's dive into the success codes because this is crucial too. And I think it's such an important format, you know? I really do. So let's talk about, you go where you want with the success codes. You go where you are with the success code, and we'll go from there.

Clare-Guest
12:37 - 13:19
Amazing, amazing. So basically, just before I get into like all the nitty gritty, the bigger picture really is that I wanted to outline some codes, which I know I've been using successfully with teenagers for many years now, to give them, to empower them and give them tools that they can then use to go on to succeed, whether that's in academics, whether that's post-academics. And I felt like it was a kind of a manual that was needed for parents and for teachers, but also for the teenagers themselves. So it needs to, you know, it's a very easy book to use.

Clare-Guest
13:19 - 14:03
It's not complicated. There's not lots of jargon in there, but there are online tools, habit trackers, downloadable resources, some very practical things that young people can use, also real life stories from teenagers themselves. And I want this to turn into like this movement so people can be like, yes, I've got the codes for my team to be successful. Right. So these become a generation of empowered purpose driven young people who are taking that responsibility and going, Oh my gosh, like, I don't feel successful right now. Right. I feel overwhelmed. I feel anxious. I feel like I'm a failure.

Clare-Guest
14:03 - 14:26
I haven't got good friendships. Like there are things that are in my life which aren't happening well. What can I do about it? Somebody give me some some ideas. And this is what this is. And I'm hoping that this will also become a gamified app where people can access this easily and quickly on their phones as well, track their progress and things like that.

Cheryl
14:26 - 14:29
Amazing, amazing, I love that. Yeah.

Clare-Guest
14:30 - 15:09
So that's the kind of like the visions, if you like, for the codes. So I decided to underpin it with a powerful framework. So there were actually 12 codes. I might not have time to go into all of them, but the framework, which I think is really important, is kind of the foundation for success. And I'm happy to share, obviously, that with you and your listeners now. So I've used the acronym CODE. So the first C is clarity, and we've been talking a little bit about that already, right? And I think for parents, this is really crucial as well.

Clare-Guest
15:09 - 15:47
When we're asking our teenagers to do something, or more importantly, perhaps to not do something, Let's get clear on why we're asking that. So, it's about understanding that why. Understanding, well, why do you want to get better grades? Why do you want to be healthier? Why do you want to have better friendships? Right? Have a conversation around that, because that will help us to then develop that internal motivation, which is what's needed to then do the things which feel hard. If you don't have a clear enough why, we're not going to be able to get out of bed in the morning and crack on, to be honest.

Clare-Guest
15:47 - 16:28
Right? Yeah. So that clarity is key. The O in the code stands for ownership. And I think this is absolutely crucial. And it's 1 of the things, as a parent, I know I struggled with a lot. So ownership means taking responsibility for your own growth and actions. Now, when we're helicopter parenting, we're taking that responsibility away from our young people and we're doing it for them. And that is not helping them to grow as a person. We have to allow them to make their own mistakes. As difficult as that sounds, right, they have to accept the consequences for their actions.

Clare-Guest
16:29 - 17:05
Now, I'm not talking, obviously, about, you know, suicidal ideation, you know, drug abuse, addiction and stuff like that. They need support. I'm talking about things like, you know, they can't be bothered to bring that P.E. Kit back for cleaning. So they have to wear it smelly at the next session. Right. Or, you know, they don't have the homework in or they lose something or just because they're lazy and forgetful, they need to take they need to start taking ownership. And this can then include things like self-discipline, you know, saying no to another packet of crisps, right?

Clare-Guest
17:05 - 17:43
Saying no to that drink, right? This can include then time management. So it's like I'm going to charge my phone downstairs so I don't get distracted while I'm doing an hour provision. Right. But it will eventually start coming from them when they understand about habit tracking, self-discipline, time blocking and so on. OK, but that ownership piece is really important because otherwise we just nag, nag, nag, nag, nag And they just push back, push back, push back. The third 1 is the D in code, which is determination. So this is where, but you need the other things in place for us.

Clare-Guest
17:43 - 18:32
But this is where the resilience and the persistence comes in to overcome the challenges. So this is where it is hard to get out of bed early to go to school and catch the bus in the cold and the dark, right? It is hard to come back and to get on with your revision when actually you just want to go online and play with your friends. We know that these things are hard. We know that they're challenging. But let's make sure we give our young people some tips that they can use to keep moving forward to develop that resilience, that persistence and those self-discipline habits, which then will result in growth mindset, stress management, emotional regulation and ultimately the good grades.

Clare-Guest
18:32 - 19:00
But these things I truly believe have to be in place first. And this is actually Cheryl, the piece of the puzzle that is missing in schools because everybody's like, go to school, get the grades, right? But we all know it's not as easy as that because otherwise everybody would be doing it. And actually, when the people who are getting the grades, are they happy? Has anybody actually bothered to ask them? I've coached many high flyers who are actually very depressed.

Cheryl
19:00 - 19:01
Yeah.

Clare-Guest
19:01 - 19:02
Right. Yeah.

Cheryl
19:04 - 19:05
Masking is a skill.

Clare-Guest
19:05 - 19:12
Yes, absolutely. They're just doing people pleasing things to not have to deal with the real issues.

Cheryl
19:12 - 19:13
Yeah.

Clare-Guest
19:13 - 19:52
And that leads me actually nicely onto the E in code, which is about empowerment. It's about really equipping our young people with the tools to succeed so that they master that communication piece. They understand themselves better and then they can say what it is they need. Right? So, so many of us can't say what we need. If I were to say to your listeners now, you know, if I could wave a magic wand for you and give you right now exactly what you want, what would you want? Right? It's really hard to say, actually, what is it that I want?

Clare-Guest
19:52 - 20:10
And then, what is it that I need to get me there? And so when we feel empowered, we can put our hand up and say, well, do you know what I want? This is what I want, and this is what I need, And do you know anybody who could help me? Yeah, it's really hard to do that until you feel empowered. I mean, would you agree? What's your experience on that?

Cheryl
20:10 - 20:47
Oh yeah, a hundred percent. And it goes right back to even the helicopter parenting conversation and taking ownership as if, you know, we're doing everything for our kids. They don't learn the skill to ask and to advocate for themselves because they've always had a speaker of the house. You know, and it's, you know, we're not giving them those skills, those little, you know, they're just so small at first. They're just the small skills at first, but those are the ones that create the skills to handle the big stuff, which I think is so important. And to not give them the skill to ask for help, you know, that starts at home.

Clare-Guest
20:47 - 20:48
Yes, yes.

Cheryl
20:48 - 20:57
Right, like we as parents, and I'm the same as you, I think when it came to, you know, ownership and accountability, I just needed to know everything. I was the mom.

Clare-Guest
20:57 - 20:57
Yeah.

Cheryl
20:57 - 21:37
I needed to have all the answers. I was the Google machine. Yes. And, you know, there's so many times now where I think, oh man, I wish I had it just set up. I have no idea. Let's figure it out together. I truly don't know. Instead of making shit up because I'm the mom. Seriously. So I and I get it. And even us asking for help in the house, you know, or asking without nagging Yes asking for help and being grateful for the help and you know I it's it's so at that being that ability to ask for help, you know I and I tell this to my friends and my kids, it's like, you love to help people.

Cheryl
21:37 - 21:45
So why would you not give them the gift of helping you? Like, it goes back and forth. And it really is a gift, Right?

Clare-Guest
21:45 - 22:15
Yes, absolutely. And it's about modeling that, like you say, modeling that self-care. You know, there's no point in being the mum who is, you know, and hands up, we've all been there, you know, who's overwhelmed and completely frazzled. You know, actually, there is a degree of responsibility that we need to take for that. And we need to step up before then and say, actually, I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm going to be very frazzled by the end of the week. I need some support. Like, come on, people in the house, let's let's all band together and do something.

Clare-Guest
22:15 - 22:48
Like, could you put the washing on? Could you make the dinner? And could you, you know, fill the car up with petrol? That's already 3 jobs done now, which I don't need to do, right? So it really is about leading courageously as a parent and being radical in that self-care, that that absolutely has to be your number 1 priority. And if your teenager sees you respecting yourself to that degree, then you're really setting a fabulous precedent for them to respect themselves too.

Cheryl
22:49 - 22:54
1000%, I couldn't agree more on that 1. They might not listen to us, but they're certainly watching us.

Clare-Guest
22:54 - 23:04
They're certainly watching. Absolutely, absolutely. So I'm not sure how much time we've got, but I'm happy to go over, you know, some of the codes if you would like me to. I would,

Cheryl
23:04 - 23:41
I would love to. And I love even when you said clarity for the first 1 and expectations, what, what really sits with me on the parent end is, you know, I hear so many parents and I said, and I'm in a lot of these Facebook groups with parents and they're like, you know, I drive them to the mall and I take them to the movies and I do all the food and they make their food and they can't even blah, blah, blah and it's like, okay, So let's talk about setting clear expectations. If I drive you to the mall, then this is what I expect for you in return.

Cheryl
23:41 - 24:05
But I find that people, parents arm themselves with all this evidence of what they've done for their kid and then throw up all over them of all the things they've done for their kid, but the kid's like, I didn't ask you to do that. I don't know what you're talking about. That doesn't mean anything to me. So I think clear expectations on both sides. Can we talk about that?

Clare-Guest
24:05 - 24:38
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. I mean, my code number 6 is the art of communication. And just to talk into your example, a similar thing happened to me over the Christmas break, right? So I had my eldest son over with his girlfriends, lovely to see them, and we had amazing time and everything, and they were staying for a few days. And, you know, so as a mom, you know, for hungry boys, you get all the food in and everything else. Now On the second evening, I hadn't made a clear expectation that we were going to eat together.

Clare-Guest
24:39 - 25:10
I had just assumed that we would. So I'd got the table laid and candles out, made it all lovely and twinkly and sparkly and put out a lovely spread and everything. And then my son messaged and he said, I'm meeting a friend for a drink. We're gonna be a little bit delayed. I said, yes, not a problem. And then he came back, he said, actually, you know, do you want me to pick up any food on the way? I said, no, we've got plenty here. So, you know, I really fancy Chinese. And he brought Chinese back with him and I felt disappointed.

Clare-Guest
25:10 - 25:40
And I was talking to my partner about this. And I was like, oh, I made such an effort to make it. And I said, no, I'm being stupid. I didn't tell him. He's not a mind reader. I didn't say I would like you home at 07:00 to have dinner together. Yeah, right. We've done the family thing. I'm here seeing my mom. We're nice to see some friends who live nearby. You know, of course he wants to go out for a drink with his friends. And I was like, oh, this was my lack of communication. This was an assumption.

Clare-Guest
25:41 - 26:25
What do they say about assuming? Right. And that's part of you and me. Assume, right? Do not assume. The art of communication is all about having clarity, clear expectations, clear boundaries too. But even with adult children, you know, just be clear. Are you intending to come home for supper or not? Just need a yes or no or even a maybe. But like, just have that conversation. So I think active listening is so important. But, you know, expressing expressing our thoughts as well. And even if it's to, because sometimes we don't want to hurt people, do we?

Clare-Guest
26:25 - 27:01
Right? We don't want them to feel that we're pushing them away or that we're being too clingy. Like it can be a bit like walking on eggshells sometimes with teenagers. You have a good day and then you say something and then they kick off again. Oh, what did I say? So it's really, really important. I think communication, clarity in communication is absolutely key. And this can get lost with text messaging and stuff like that. You know, I saw this with my partner the other day. He sent a message to 1 of his children and said, oh, you know, so still has a reply.

Clare-Guest
27:01 - 27:20
Yet he was getting all frustrated. And he showed me the message and it was almost too, it was too wordy but it was, I said they just needed to hear the 1 question you were asking, that's all, like it's not rude to just

Cheryl
27:21 - 27:22
text messages.

Clare-Guest
27:24 - 27:46
Sometimes we can get caught up in that or how to do it. So it really is about this clarity in this communication. And I think that now with texting, with emojis, with all these things, it's actually in some ways more complicated. It's harder, you know, you can misunderstand each other through texting very easily.

Cheryl
27:46 - 28:17
You sure can and depending where you are in the day in your day and how you're perceiving things could be 1000% opposite of what they were actually meaning and You know, There's all kinds of memes and gifs on Facebook when you text your son, hey, I love you, have a nice day, blah, blah, blah. I'm so proud of you. And you get a thumbs up. And it's like, oh. But for them to even respond, it's like, oh, I'm making sure I respond to my mum.

Clare-Guest
28:18 - 29:00
Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. So yeah, that that I think is key. And I think that when there are breakdowns in communication, this is when we have, you know, the door slamming the arguments, the, you know, just staying in the room, you know, all of that stuff. And it's it takes a lot of work, I found on myself to feel confident enough as a parent to manage what I would potentially see as a conflicting situation. I didn't used to like conflict. You know, it was very stressful for me as a child growing up when there was conflict in my household.

Clare-Guest
29:01 - 29:16
And so sometimes we can appease our teenagers because actually we're scared of the conflict and what it's going to trigger for us, but that isn't necessarily the right action to take.

Cheryl
29:17 - 30:01
And I agree, I grew up in the same type of household where we did not dispute, we did not argue it was this is the way it was and that was all there was to it. And if there was any kind of even trying to reason that became backtalk. So it just ended right there. So I understand it's taking me a lot, a lot of work. And even in my podcast and in my coaching, I found so much in the podcast is, you know, over the course of a year of episodes, it's not them. It's you, which is where the magic happens because now we can say, I can control this.

Cheryl
30:01 - 30:42
I can look after this. And you know, sometimes we, we find ourselves yelling at kids or slamming our own, our own doors and being able to take a step back and say, okay, why is this triggering for me? What's happening to them right now is secondary. Why is this triggering for me? And how can I show them, oh, you know, I could have responded very differently? I'm gonna take a breath. I should have said that differently, whatever the term is, but just showing them, like that was never displayed to me. Are you kidding me? I can't even picture my mother saying that right now.

Cheryl
30:42 - 31:20
And times have changed. And That's where it comes from, where you, you know, if you want, you know, you don't want your 18 year old to say, okay, I'm out of here, pack my bag, see you later. These teen years is magic. And then they, oh my gosh, and they move out. Like my kids are now 34 and 30, they're my best friends. They're literally my best friends. And so if you can have these, you know, really listen to these conversations and really like talk about these codes, I think they're perfect. You know, you are, you know, reestablishing, redefining your relationship because it doesn't stop here.

Cheryl
31:20 - 31:25
You're not raising kids anymore, you're raising human beings. Yes, yes.

Clare-Guest
31:25 - 31:41
Right? Actually, we always have been, you know. And this is the thing as well, I read this quote, I think I've put it in the book, by Eleanor Roosevelt saying, no 1 can make you feel inferior without your consent. Yes. Yes.

Cheryl
31:42 - 31:44
No agreement. That's

Clare-Guest
31:44 - 32:06
a real slap in the face for me. That was a real slap in the face for me. That was a real slap in the face for me when I read that. I literally stopped in my tracks. I was like, ooh, I've got to really think about that quote because that's very, very powerful, you know, because when we lose control, when we're with our teams and they're triggering us and they're pushing the buttons, which is what they're here to do, by the way.

Cheryl
32:06 - 32:08
It's their job. Yes, it is.

Clare-Guest
32:10 - 32:42
So and we're being triggered and then we're like, why do they make me feel like that? They're not they're not making you feel like that. You are feeling like that as a reaction to some unhealed trauma, something that's gone on in your life that you yet haven't. You know, that this is the gift that they're holding up to you for you to now do the work. Right. And it is a constant piece of work to do. And and blocks when we've healed from something like that, we can then show the mirror back and say, look, you know, you're an incredible person.

Clare-Guest
32:42 - 33:12
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you know, and because we can't talk to them about their confidence and self-belief. If our confidence and self-belief is actually through the floor, right. If we're getting up in the morning, looking at ourselves in the mirror and not not being compassionate and kind to ourselves, then it's it's very difficult. The things that our teenagers need from us, we need to parent ourselves on as well in order to be able to give to them.

Cheryl
33:12 - 33:54
Yeah, well, and you know what I've noticed, And I don't know if this is like an age, an era, whatever, is when I'm going into a lot of these personal self-development, you know, masterclasses or it's all women, not necessarily women, but it's people my age or in an age range. And I feel like, you know, if we start now with our teens, we cut out that whole middle man. They start now. They start when they're 20. They start when they're 25. They don't have to look back when they're 55 and go, oh, I screwed up so many times and I didn't follow my purpose and this is not what I wanted.

Cheryl
33:54 - 34:07
How did I get to this point in my life? Now it's time to switch gears and do something different where, you know, if somebody could cut out those 25 years in between so you can start off that way, like what a gift we would be giving our kids.

Clare-Guest
34:07 - 34:39
Exactly, this is what I say to the young people who I coach, 1 of the things that I do, and in fact it's code number 12, which is to discover your path, And 1 of the things that I tell them is like, oh, my gosh, like if somebody had told me this when I was 15, like this would have potentially made such a difference. I don't obviously regret the journey I've been on and the difficulties that I've had and the things that I've learned, because that's brought me the wisdom that I'm here to share today.

Clare-Guest
34:39 - 35:28
But sharing this with young people and it's like, wow, this literally is magic you're holding in your hands, you know, to empower you to take charge of, you know, understanding your values and your gifts and your passions and understanding that now, even having the seed to know that you can visualize your life into existence, that you can journal, that you can change your mindset, that we're energetic beings attracting the life that we desire and that we design through our thoughts and our manifestations and our words. Like, wow, if somebody told me that when I was 15, I would have absolutely lapped it up.

Cheryl
35:28 - 36:02
Oh, a thousand percent. And you know, I think too, when we present this or display this or with our kids, when we switch that mindset, we start looking for evidence of what is possible as opposed to, you wake up in the morning and as a parent, what fight am I going to get into and how are they going to piss me off today? And then you know what, the rest of the day your brain is looking for evidence of how they're going to piss you off today. Because that's what our reticular activating system does, right?

Cheryl
36:02 - 36:23
You want to buy a Porsche, you start seeing Porsches on the highway. You start your day thinking about all the shit that's going to happen in your house today, it's going to happen. But if you start your day saying, okay, today I'm going to reconnect, I'm going to have a really good conversation. I'm going to find something. Then your mind starts, your brain starts going, okay, let's look for evidence of that.

Clare-Guest
36:24 - 36:25
And then when you,

Cheryl
36:26 - 36:28
oh, just so important.

Clare-Guest
36:28 - 37:01
And actually at this time of year, you know, 1 of the tips which I was going to give, you know, towards the end of the podcast, but now is the perfect time is about creating. And I've done this before with families. It's about creating a shared vision board. Right. This is very, very powerful. Now, obviously, At the beginning of January, at the beginning of the new year, you know, people like to think about, you know, creating their vision for the following year and everything else. So it's an ideal thing to do. But actually, if you do this with a teenager, you know, they love it.

Clare-Guest
37:01 - 37:44
And it can be creating things for them personally, like maybe learning a new skill or getting better at some subject or making new friends or starting a first job or learning to drive or whatever it is, maybe sailing up for travel experience or something. But you can also do it as a family where you think about your values and your goals as a family. So this might be around, for example, the codes where you're using communication might be the 1 that you put in the middle of your vision board as the whole family. Maybe everybody needs to communicate better, including if there were 2 adults in the household.

Clare-Guest
37:45 - 38:28
So making a family vision board can really then help when you're just in this creative, artistic land of infinite opportunity of how do we want to be, not what do we necessarily want to do, but how do we want to be, right? How do we want to be as a family? We have an opportunity to create that together now, right? How powerful is that? And then afterwards, when we're then having the nagging and the cajoling and the, you know, trying to get them up for school and all of that, we can feel that that's really far from how we wanted to be.

Clare-Guest
38:28 - 39:01
And that then opens up room for a conversation and say, look, when we sat down together at the beginning of January and we had that lovely experience, we've created this vision as a family of how we want to be and what we want to do together. This morning, that wasn't that. Let's think about why that wasn't that. Like, let's have less of these mornings and more of this energy. How can we get from this back to that?

Cheryl
39:01 - 39:05
Yes. Curiosity, I love that. I love that.

Clare-Guest
39:05 - 39:42
Because it's been done together and because they've put their bit in it as well. Then, you know, everybody's invested in that. They realize then that sense of connection that we're all connected and that, you know, them being shmally has an impact on your clients, you know, mother or something because of how you've shown up with them and they've shown up for them and they've shown up for them. And they might be weird to somebody in the post office. Do you know what I mean? Right, that butterfly effect, right? Everything has a ripple. And so, yeah, it just opens up an interesting dialogue.

Cheryl
39:42 - 40:02
And a collaboration, I mean, like with anything, when you're talking about expectations and values in your family and you're not delivering them you're Collaborating on you know, what do you think it and what do you what does that even mean? What value does that even mean to you like really with curiosity asking those questions?

Speaker 3
40:03 - 40:03
Yes,

Cheryl
40:04 - 40:19
as opposed to making the statements. I love this family vision board though. I love that. That's such a great idea. Like you hear about it with couples or whatever, but to have a family vision board, I think that's great. I love that.

Clare-Guest
40:19 - 40:29
That's golden. And you know what? Even young members of the family, like kids are so cool. Like they really get this. They really get things like kindness.

Cheryl
40:30 - 40:31
Yes.

Clare-Guest
40:31 - 40:36
They really get things like, I just want to have more cuddles with my dad.

Cheryl
40:37 - 40:37
Yeah.

Clare-Guest
40:38 - 40:52
Right. You know, and so then for somebody to see that, you know, is working really hard and commuting every day and all the rest of it's like, wow, we've just spent thousands at Christmas time and all they want to do is a cuddle with

Cheryl
40:52 - 40:53
me. Exactly.

Clare-Guest
40:54 - 41:03
But this is often the thing and so it can open up some, some, the Parents can definitely learn as much as the kids. Oh,

Cheryl
41:03 - 41:08
yes, yes. I couldn't agree more. I love that. I really love that idea.

Clare-Guest
41:08 - 41:08
Yeah.

Cheryl
41:09 - 41:32
Claire, this has been amazing, and I do feel like we need a sequel to go through all the codes, all the success codes. I think this is so important and totally aligned with with this whole podcast of mine as well, which I think it's what brought you into my field anyway. Yes. So tell us, Claire, how can we work with you? How do we find you? What are all the good things about Claire?

Clare-Guest
41:33 - 42:09
Yeah, amazing. So thank you so much. So the easiest thing, I mean, I'm on all the social media platforms, you know, Claire Ford. My academy is called Switched On. So you can find me on SwitchedOnGlobal.com. 1 of the things that I'm putting out at the moment, I don't know about, you know, for some of your listeners and what time of the year they're going to be listening to this, but I know 1 of the things that is 1 of the biggest bugbears, if we just come down to earth, is revision, right? Like parents are nagging the teens to get on, the teens are sitting in the room, they don't know what to do.

Clare-Guest
42:09 - 42:56
You know, everything, there's a lot of pressure around exams, grades, getting the marks, doing all the stuff. So, 1 of the things I've put together is a free guide which anybody can access, which is your kind of beginner's guide to revision. Some tools and techniques and strategies that parents and teens can look at together and go, OK, what would work for you? Let's cherry pick what would work. Let's put it into place. Let's have a conversation. Has it worked? Has it not? Let's do something else. So I've put together this this teen revision guide, which I personally use when I'm coaching the young people that I work with to make sure that they really do stay on top of their revision and don't feel overwhelmed and then procrastinate and then don't do it and then get depressed.

Clare-Guest
42:57 - 43:17
Right. So it's really important that that cycle doesn't happen by taking some active steps. So I'm happy to obviously give that to anybody who would like that. And anybody can hop into any of my DMs. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, all the things, right, LinkedIn. So yeah.

Cheryl
43:18 - 43:45
Excellent. I'm gonna put all of that in the show notes in case anybody's trying to memorize all that. It'll be there in the show notes. Claire Ford, thank you so very much for joining me, for sharing your expertise and obviously your passion. And I just thank you for doing the work that you're doing in this world. And I hope we get to collaborate again. This was a lot of fun. Thanks for listening to Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for Today's World.

Speaker 3
43:50 - 44:31
Thank you for listening to another episode. I hope you loved this 1 as much as I did. And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talked about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids.

Speaker 3
44:32 - 45:09
Because here's the truth, the transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm. We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call. There's no pitch, there's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way and everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes.

Speaker 3
45:09 - 45:23
Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.