#81 "Preparing Teens for the Future: Insights on Education, Habits, and Mental Health" with Dr Cedric Howard

 #ParentingTeens #TeenResilience #Education #GrowthMindset #MentalHealth #LeadershipDevelopment #ParentingAdvice #TeenSuccess #FamilyDynamics #InsightToImpact

 Welcome to another enlightening episode of "Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's World." In this episode, Cheryl sits down with Dr. Cedric Howard, a nationally recognized leader in higher education and a published author, to discuss the crucial topic of building resilient students. Dr. Howard shares his inspiring personal journey from a single-parent household to becoming a transformative figure in education. He emphasizes the importance of setting clear expectations, fostering a growth mindset, and understanding the unique "hapes" (habits, attitudes, behaviors, and expectations) of each child. Discover practical strategies for parents to support their teens' transition from high school to college or the workforce, and learn how to nurture their mental health and personal development. This episode is packed with valuable insights and actionable advice for parents seeking to empower their teens to become future leaders.

Cheryl
00:01 - 00:50
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for today's world. And today we are diving into a crucial conversation about building resilient students who are prepared for success, not just in school, but as future leaders. My guest is Dr. Cedric Howard, published author and nationally recognized leader in higher education with career success dedicated to students, Dr. Howard has been honored as one of the most 10 inspiring people in education and has played a pivotal role in transforming educational pathways from K to 12 to college. His expertise in student engagement, enrollment, management, and leadership development has been featured in national publications, making him a true leader and change maker in education.

Cheryl
00:51 - 00:53
Dr. Howard, welcome to the show.

Dr Cedric Howard
00:56 - 00:57
How are you today?

Cheryl
00:57 - 00:59
I'm just great. How are you?

Dr Cedric Howard
01:01 - 01:03
Wonderful looking forward to our conversation.

Cheryl
01:05 - 01:15
I Am too and I want to start with like what What is your story? Why are you where you are right now? What is your mission? What's your goal? Let's hear all about dr. Cedric

Dr Cedric Howard
01:16 - 02:05
Yeah, it is. So interesting. It's kind of like my why I Um, you know, my why is, you know, really simple, but I think is powerful from the perspective of that. My why, uh, both saved me and then gave me a career trajectory that I am in today. And so, uh, I was born into, uh, a single family, single parent home. Uh, my mother, uh, unfortunate at that point in time got married, uh, got pregnant at a young age. She's never been married. So even to this day. And so, you know, as a youngster, I was that statistic welfare, you know, potentially, you know, on the path to get in trouble.

Dr Cedric Howard
02:06 - 02:41
But she had a very young age said, you know, I have a very different set of expectations. And so she gave herself a timetable. At the end of the time that he turns one, I would like to be out for welfare. I would like to live out of, get out of the place that I am living and get an apartment. And that set a very clear set of expectation and trajectory for me. And so her tool was to make sure that I understood that education not just formal education, but informal aspects of education were extremely important.

Dr Cedric Howard
02:41 - 03:21
And so I grew up in a household where not just reading was important, but application of the reading and applications of the lessons was really important. And that led to me being the first person in my family to go to college. And now I've graduated and have four degrees, including two doctorates. But I think the most powerful transformation in my family occurred when I graduated, you know, with my undergraduate degree. My grandmother was so proud. You can't tell them I'm over six foot tall, and she was under five foot tall. And she asked for my graduation gown.

Dr Cedric Howard
03:22 - 03:56
And I said, No, Grandma, this belongs to me. And you know, that strong, you know, Southern African American voice, she says, No, I'm going to tell you one more time, give me your gown. And I took it off and it draped her like I like it just a cover and She asked all of my cousins. She says get in this gown and she says grandma have one request From this standpoint forward now that we have the first college graduate It is incumbent upon you that every single one of you need to bring me your graduation gown from college.

Dr Cedric Howard
03:56 - 04:43
I And that changed the trajectory of my family. I was the first. There's 18 grandkids as we speak. 17 of them have college degrees. And the last one, number 18, is actually a senior in college. And so this Mother's Day, we have a case on my grandmother's grave. We would go to put the 18th down in. to fulfill the mandate and, like I said, change the trajectory of my family. But it was because of the role of parenting. It was a role of expectation. It was a role, as I said, in a clear path that began first with my mother and then really communicated in a very symbolic manner with my grandmother at a time that uh, wasn't very important for, for my family.

Dr Cedric Howard
04:43 - 05:23
And that's why I do what I do. That's why I work hard. That's why I realized that in my world, I'm, I, as a college vice president and someone who works in the community, I come from a place of privilege because I determined the acceptance of thousands of kids each and every year. And I realized that's a place of privilege. And for me, I can either open the door. and make sure there's greater access, or I can make that door more restrictive. I have chosen to realize that that door should be as open as possible, but the expectation of not just going to college is important, but making sure that you complete college and complete your set of studies.

Dr Cedric Howard
05:24 - 05:42
A four-year college or four-year university might not be for everyone. If trade school is important for you, if community college or getting a trade is important for you, it is incumbent upon me to make sure that you're going to fulfill and get the training you need in order to become the best version of yourself possible.

Cheryl
05:44 - 06:14
Okay, now I have no words, which has never happened. What what an amazing story and Congratulations, and no wonder she's so proud of you and it's when you first started about your mom setting an intention and an expectation I just feel like I'm very much about mindset work and I feel like that just cleared the path that just got there's no options now. There's the goal we're getting there's

Dr Cedric Howard
06:14 - 06:14
no

Cheryl
06:14 - 06:19
backup plan there's the options and what a What a beautiful way to grow up.

Dr Cedric Howard
06:21 - 06:21
Like,

Cheryl
06:21 - 06:24
oh, that is privilege as well.

Dr Cedric Howard
06:25 - 07:02
Yeah, it is. Oftentimes when I tell my story or say the story, I oftentimes begin with the end. And people oftentimes, they know me, or now my mother's prominent in her field, or they know my daughter. And I said, yes, I'm going to tell you the story of the three Dr. Howers, three generations. But you see where we've ended. You don't know where we'll begin. And for me, to be the first to go to college, and then to get to the point that literally I was in my first year of my doctorate studies, and I get a call on a Saturday from my mother.

Dr Cedric Howard
07:02 - 07:34
And she said, I've had an epiphany. I said, what is your epiphany? She says, I've been working in the paper mill for almost 30 years. I can retire after 30 years, which is in six months. I really want to make a difference. And I want to go back and help people that were very similar to me. I said, well, let's go for it. She says, but I need your help. I said, not a problem. Be careful what you agree to I'm here to help you and I said, so what are you gonna do? She says I'm gonna go back to school I said, okay, no problem.

Dr Cedric Howard
07:34 - 08:13
I'll pay for the training. She says no, I'm gonna go to college and And I said, okay, what is holding you back? She says tuition so I need for you to pay my tuition and I said hey I I don't have any problems with that. She went and got a bachelor, master's, and doctorate in counseling. And now, you know, she runs a feeding center. She runs counseling for marriages. And the most important thing is she opened several homes for abusive women to make sure to change the trajectory of their particular family. And then, you know, the brain trust of the family is my daughter.

Dr Cedric Howard
08:14 - 08:50
Extremely smart, graduated college at 16, graduated medical school at 21 and 26. She's a urologist and doing well. And so I said, so oftentimes when you invest in the lives of one person, they can come and change generations of a family. And that's, you know, I go back to the fact that my mom had a goal that by the time I turned one, we were going to be off of government assistance. And then, you know, the fast forward, you know, some 20 years later, when my grandmother said, hey, this is the expectation. This is a new normal for our family.

Dr Cedric Howard
08:52 - 09:40
And really, it was all about setting realistic goals and then driving us towards that goal. Because now, as you know, as an educator, your habits, your attitudes and your behavior are really shaped based upon your expectations. And so when you have expectations, they serve as kind of your North Star. And then your habits are the behaviors and, you know, your attitude to get you to ultimately to overcome the challenges and get you to focus on what is most important for that particular child and what is the internal motivation. And I think that was a thing that I take with me as an educator, and I take with me, you know, into my day-to-day work, because I realize that every child is different.

Dr Cedric Howard
09:40 - 09:47
But when you establish a ecosystem, an environment where a child feels valued and seen, they can achieve greatness.

Cheryl
09:49 - 09:57
I couldn't agree more. And I wanna, just as a side note, your story reminds me so much of the Starbucks

Dr Cedric Howard
09:58 - 09:59
CEO,

Cheryl
09:59 - 10:32
Howard, where they were born in New York and on welfare. And I know you know this story, but every time I go past a Starbucks or every time I hear somebody say, oh, Starbucks, oh, but the story, And they're living at the end of the L train. And she said, this is not the end of the line for you. Every night they went to bed. This is not the end of the line for you. And now he owns 30 bajillion darn bucks. And it was just that expectation or that intention from his mom just opened up.

Cheryl
10:32 - 10:55
all these pathways for him that he otherwise would never have seen the possibility. So it's not a one-off. This is not, oh, lucky Dr. Cedric. This is not how it works. So I love that story. And I would love to dive into, when you talk about habits and expectations and attitude, can we break that down? Yes. Yeah.

Dr Cedric Howard
10:56 - 11:35
So if you think about, uh, I just refer to him as an acronym hates, you know, so your habits, your attitudes, your behavior and expectations, really, when you know, child psychology and my undergraduate degrees is, is in psychology. Uh, when you understand child psychology, you realize that a child's personality, their hate is really developed about a time. 85% of their hates develop by the time they're five. And so what are the habits, the foundational aspects of the habits? What is the attitude they're going to look at as it relates to life and their behavior and then the expectations that they're going to be in?

Dr Cedric Howard
11:36 - 12:25
And so when you understand that, I oftentimes say when I'm speaking to educators that a kid who comes from a house where they feel love come to school to learn. But a child that comes from a house that they don't feel love comes to school to receive that love. when you're interacting with them and you realize that they're in an environment that a family has a habit of expressing love. Not financial, it is love. Do you feel valued? Do you feel seen? Then that child feels permission to come into the institution's higher education to learn because they know that it's going to be reinforced when they get back home.

Dr Cedric Howard
12:26 - 13:07
And that oftentimes shape their attitude. And, you know, when I'm dealing with educators and special administrators, and I said, you know, if you have a child that may be demonstrating some adverse behavior or attitude, sit down and say, hey, I love you. I care about you, because really that's what they're asking for. They're giving you permission to say, hey, you're worth me investing in. And I know that sometimes, you know, the emotional, social, emotional capital, the emotional resiliency, once you recognize it, now you've gotten that child to a place where they feel comfortable to say, OK, this is a safe place.

Dr Cedric Howard
13:08 - 13:57
Now I want to come and invest in that particular process. And I want to come invest my talents and really demonstrate who I am from that perspective. So starting with Understanding a child's habits. Are they coming with certain skills? Do they have the ability to focus? Do they have the ability to just understand the importance of writing? If they don't, then start there. Give them tools. Unfortunately, as you know, across the world, we have this digital divide as it relates to technology. Some have the ability to have access and others do not. So, you know, you have to realize that, OK, you might have access to technology, but you can bring technology and technological infrastructures into that child's life, even if it's just while they're in class.

Dr Cedric Howard
13:57 - 14:41
And then their attitudes. What do you believe? How do you believe those things? You know, how do you view yourself? You know, I oftentimes say the greatest struggle that a child has to overcome, just like a person, is the battle within themselves, that self-talk. Do you believe in that? Okay, even though I fail, I'm not a failure. And when you begin to understand that that self-taught can help you to overcome stress it can help you to overcome You know times where you are failing and realize it's just a temporary Part that I need to grow from an opportunity, you know to develop as a person and not that I should give up And then that shapes your behavior.

Dr Cedric Howard
14:41 - 15:17
Do you have healthy behavior? You have behaviors where you're getting sleep. You have behavior when you're taking care of yourself. You have behaviors where, where you are taking, um, and embracing interests that are motivating and motivational to you. Um, it, it is interesting. And I tell the story very briefly. So, uh, when my, I have two kids, uh, and we, since the time they were six weeks old, the moment that we have permission, we would take them on vacation trips just to see everything. You know, if they say, you know, giraffe, we're going to the zoo to see it.

Dr Cedric Howard
15:18 - 15:53
If they say, you know, we're studying, you know, something, you know, the Eiffel Tower, then, you know, we're blessed and fortunate to say, OK, we want to go so they can see it, so they can touch it. Um, so, uh, literally yesterday, my daughter and I was talking and she said, she says, dad, you know, I've realized that my why is that I work extremely hard in the medical field so I can go in spirits things. And I said, how did you realize that? She says, because yes, work is fine, but I enjoy work because it allows me to go on vacations and see the world.

Dr Cedric Howard
15:53 - 16:30
But it just hit me. Um, that you taught me that at a very young age. That is one thing to see it in a read about it. It's another thing to actually go and put your hands on it and touch it And so I work hard in order to go on vacations and see things. I said that is powerful. That is your hate. I That is what I taught you to, you know, because, um, I realized that you were extremely gifted, but you were a little standoffish and shy. So by exposing you to something, you can interact with it based upon your own desires, which is very different than your brother's extrovert.

Dr Cedric Howard
16:30 - 17:00
So in his situation, I put him in situations where he had to do a lot of talking, um, and, you know, and put them in front of people because that was his energy. And so I think understanding your child's hapes, understanding your child attitudes, behavior, then you begin to see what is intrinsically motivating them because those hapes will become their why. And once you understand their why, now you can help them to become their what and accept the who they actually are.

Cheryl
17:02 - 17:36
And I love that when you just spoke about extrovert and introvert because I feel like sometimes parents are, well, he's shy. So I have to throw him into all these different situations to break down that shyness or she's way too much. So I need to put her in situations where she needs to be a little bit smaller. And that's the opposite of what we need to do. The opposite. We need to meet kids where they're at and who they are and develop the, I'm an introvert. No one would ever believe I'm an introvert because I do this and I never shut up.

Cheryl
17:36 - 18:15
However, at the end of this, I will need to unplug, go for a walk, have no interaction, have no input and recharge. So I just find that and as an adult, that's what I'm doing. So I'd love to say, Now I'm gonna dive into the parent thing for a minute because how do parents not just tell their kids, here's a good habit for you to be in. Here's what I expect from you. Here's what your attitude should be. How do parents turn that inside and say, because kids aren't always, sorry, they don't always listen to us.

Cheryl
18:15 - 18:19
However, they are always watching us.

Dr Cedric Howard
18:19 - 18:20
So what do

Cheryl
18:20 - 18:41
we want our kids to see and I'm gonna say to parents who are like, well my kids 18 It's too late. It's never too late. It's never too late. Yeah So how to pay how can parents turn inside like what can they do? Like tactically at home to say, okay I'm not gonna preach to you. I'm gonna do this. So you see it. What can they do? I

Dr Cedric Howard
18:43 - 19:28
Yeah, Cheryl, great perspective. The two things that come top of mind for me is to focus on encouraging effort over perfection. And that's the importance of emphasizing the effort, where the perfection should be the guiding tool as part of the pedagogy and learning process of a particular child. Parents should encourage their kids to take pride in the learning process. and not just the end result. I oftentimes say the process determines the product that a child and a person produces. And so focus on the small wins. Yeah, they got it right this time, you know, other than you always got to do this, you always got to do that.

Dr Cedric Howard
19:29 - 20:11
And I think it's important to embrace the ideal that mistakes and setbacks are part of the growth process. that when you foster a growth mindset within your child, that prevents burnout. It prevents anxiety that's related to unrealistic perfectionist standards, which are usually, from my perspective, an overlay of something that the parent did not accomplish. And so they want their child to accomplish it. You got to realize they're not you. And if you nurture them properly, they should actually do better than you because they're not starting from the same place as you. I always tell my kids that, listen, my kids should be a lot better than I am and their kids should be better than them.

Dr Cedric Howard
20:12 - 20:52
And that's kind of a way of looking at it. And I would also say the second thing is set realistic expectations and embrace balance. Um, and, and I call it the importance of realist expectations, um, that keeps, uh, they help you to realize that they are human and that they're developing and they need time to learn. They need time to grow. They need time to also relax and recharge. They've been involved in everything, you know, um, um, when you set expectations that are challenging, but attainable that ensures that that particular child does not feel overwhelmed.

Dr Cedric Howard
20:52 - 21:37
and feel that they can't accomplish certain things. And that as a parent, you should create an environment where you are nurturing and practicing affirmation so that your child gets the cues that they need to know that they're making Progress and making the right decisions because remember you're teaching them how to fish and not always giving them the fish just because that can Create a dependency that you have to come back and create later on Alpha time says knowledge is not power a plot knowledge is power. I Knowledge is potential, but if you never activate the power, it never becomes the power that you desire.

Dr Cedric Howard
21:38 - 21:53
So you give them knowledge, and then you teach them a tool to apply the knowledge that they have, even within themselves and around others. And that helps to ground you in your interactions and working with your particular kid or child, or those that you're working with within the classroom.

Cheryl
21:55 - 22:34
And speaking from a teacher point of view, What it looks like when somebody says, don't go after the end result or perfection, go after the skills they're developing, when you're looking at a report card, we're not looking at the marks, we're looking at the learning skills. And how do we improve those learning skills? Because the learning skills are lifelong skills. The A plus in math might not be, but how they got to the A plus in math, I feel like when you get to these, the goal is not the thing. It's who they become getting to the goal.

Cheryl
22:36 - 22:44
It's who they build themselves up as getting to the goal. And that's where those celebrating those small wins are like,

Dr Cedric Howard
22:44 - 22:44
oh

Cheryl
22:44 - 23:14
my God, look, look, you did. And if you didn't, can you go back and look, well, yeah, you might've struggled here, but remember when you did this? Remember when you did that? Like sometimes, and I think that's for all of us, We are so set in raising the bar and getting forward and doing the next thing And and sometimes we get stuck in that frustration and we forget How we got to where we were a year ago. I didn't know how to record a podcast. Are you kidding me? I don't know. I didn't know what to plug in.

Cheryl
23:14 - 23:34
I didn't know what I needed. I probably would have forgot to record everything And then a year later, I'm like, oh, is this going where I want it to go? Well, yeah, because look what I've done. We have to stop and celebrate our own wins as well as our kid wins. I think that who they are becoming in the middle is the dream, is the thing.

Dr Cedric Howard
23:36 - 23:58
Yeah, and I think just recognizing a child's growth. And what they have learned their personal development and the challenges that it overcome really motivates them to push through the next time And acknowledging that achievement and effort can go hand in hand But the affirmation and validation is extremely important.

Cheryl
23:59 - 24:34
Yeah, I agree So let's get a little bit Tactical so parents can get their pens out now. What what are the biggest and today this podcast is for today's world So I say this all the time. We can't parent the way we were parented things aren't available different things are here We're facing different challenges. What is the biggest challenges parents are facing when they when their kids are? Transitioning I guess what their teens are facing when they're transitioning from high school to college or workforce. Like what are those challenges in between?

Dr Cedric Howard
24:35 - 25:13
Yeah, so oftentimes I would say the greatest challenge is the lack of clarity of what you ultimately like to become and what you like to focus on. Um, I mean, we can call, we can, we can call the handful of professions, you know, we've told a child, okay, Hey, we, you want to grow up and be an attorney. You want to grow up and be a doctor. Uh, you want to grow up and be an athlete. Um, and, and being a lawyer or physician or athlete, they may not have the skillsets, but we, we we've left out the vast majority of.

Dr Cedric Howard
25:14 - 25:58
of occupations that they can enjoy. So I would say that as soon as possible, whether you're in middle school, 9th, 10th grade, early secondary school, do a career assessment. Find out what your child interests actually are. and then nurture those interests from that perspective. And I kind of give you a practical example, and then write a plan out for them to accomplish what that interest actually is. Give you a practical example. So our youngest, which is very different than his older sisters. Older sisters is academically sound, you know, a charger, wants to be and read everything.

Dr Cedric Howard
25:58 - 26:39
Her younger brother can care less about reading. Our younger brother will like to be on some athletic field, doing whatever, and it had nothing to do with athletic. He just loves competition. And so I said, well, let's figure out what are your interests? And he came, you know, we found out that he loves to be in nature. He loves to be out, you know, either fishing or, you know, doing something with his hands. And so I said, okay, well, you know, how can we make this a career for you? And he says that. I don't necessarily care what I do, as long as I'm happy doing it, as long as I am doing it in nature.

Dr Cedric Howard
26:40 - 27:24
Well, fast forward, um, you know, some 10, 15 years later, he's a naval officer and what he's doing out, you know, on the seas. Um, and he loves what he do now. Imagine if I would have forced him to be, uh, a physician, like a sister, it would have never worked. Imagine if I would have said, OK, yeah, but I want you to go into education like your dad or engineering like your mom. It would have never worked. But we created a system for him once we found his interest based upon his age. We develop a plan and says, OK, remember the process, determine the product that you produce.

Dr Cedric Howard
27:25 - 27:59
So we develop a plan to say, as long as you focus on the things that you are focused on in high school. So rather than taking calculus, he actually took vocational tech and learn how to do things in forestry because that was what his interests were. And then, you know, when it came time to make decisions, we say, OK, let's pull out your itinerary. Let's put out your game plan. Let's pull out the plan that we have for you. Have we accomplished the things that laid out? OK, now, is college the best thing for you?

Dr Cedric Howard
28:00 - 28:53
And he says, I want to go to college because it is incumbent upon, remember, my great grandmother that we all have college degrees. Now what I do with my degree is very different. And so he went to college and got a degree in forestry. And now is in the Navy and kind of just go from there. So the thing I say is, as soon as possible, try to get your child assessed. a career inventory to see what the interests actually are. And if you see that they have a passion for what those interests and career and occupations are, and they're committed to it, then develop what is the process that you're going to do in order to get them to where they can practice and perform that particular interest four, five, six, seven, eight, 19 years from now.

Dr Cedric Howard
28:54 - 29:19
Because their happiness is in the things that is attractive to them. And, you know, and then ultimately, you know, they will accomplish the things that you desire with their life. So the very first thing is identify what your kids strengths are. See where there's an interest, develop a plan, write the plan down, and then gather a system around them to support them according to the plan that you have outlined for them.

Cheryl
29:20 - 29:44
And I feel like this whole methodology system would completely wipe out midlife crisis. When people spend 30 years in a career they didn't really want, was kind of pushed on them. And then they get to the point where like, I've spent 30 years doing shit I don't want to do. And

Dr Cedric Howard
29:45 - 29:45
now I

Cheryl
29:45 - 30:16
have to stop and go. And like, there's my mission right there for today. Eliminate midlife crisis, people, because this is where it starts. You know, you can have these great dreams for your kids, but they're your dreams. They're not their dreams. And it might seem, oh, great, you've paid for their tuition. They've done what you want them to do. But is it worth it? when now you have to repair the damage. I don't

Dr Cedric Howard
30:16 - 30:16
think

Cheryl
30:16 - 30:35
it's worth it. I really don't think it's worth it. So let's talk about that. So the kids in the college program, two years in, oh my God, I hate it. I failed everything. I'm depressed. I had anxiety. Now what?

Dr Cedric Howard
30:39 - 31:22
It is interesting. So interesting statistic in many higher education institutions. I'm not going to say most. Many after that first year, you actually lose more 4.0 high school students than you do kids that got kicked out for conduct and behavior. And the reason that is the case is because the world post-secondary is very different. You don't have someone telling you to go to class. You don't have someone telling you what to do, when to do it. You don't have someone waking you up. You don't have someone checking in on your homework, telling you when to wash clothes or when to eat.

Dr Cedric Howard
31:23 - 32:00
When you have to figure all those things out and you haven't been taught those things before you get into the academy or the university, now you see why a lot of kids struggle, especially that first year. In one of my books, The Unshakable Leadership, I actually go through a theory. I call it the nerdy way because actually that's what I actually have taught my kids. And nerdy is an acronym. The N stands for knowledge. The E stands for education, the R stands for research, and then discovery, the D is discovery, and the Y is for you.

Dr Cedric Howard
32:00 - 32:38
And so it is a process that I've developed with my kids that I've tried to articulate in a systemic way and a methodology to help others. I said, when you're working with your child, realize that knowledge, they have a knowledge space. And that knowledge space is their knowledge space, not yours, it is theirs. It is their beginning place. What you do is you take education. It is whatever training process you need. That's the E part. And you train them, whether it is at home, whether it is in school, whether it is participating in a extracurricular activity, that becomes their training cycle.

Dr Cedric Howard
32:39 - 33:12
And then the research part is, how do I take the personal development of that child and then reinvest it so they become a better version of themselves? And that's where the discovery from you comes in. And so everything I have done or everything that I do, I begin with, this is the beginning place. Realize that we're going to develop and we're going to grow and we're going to go through a change management process. That's the education. And then we're going to research it. In higher education, we call that evaluation or assessment. And then we're going to tweak.

Dr Cedric Howard
33:12 - 33:56
And then we're going to say, how can we become a better version of ourself, a better version of our office, a better version of a program, a better version of an individual, so that you can discover a new version of who you are. That's how we elevate who we are from that perspective. And so oftentimes in my family, you know, you hear my family walk by and says, oh, that's just nerdy. I'm about to go through a nerdy process because they've been trained to realize that when they go through that that's usually a growth process for them And that is acronym they can have in their mind so that they're not so I they don't say stuff like I can't do it What they say is I haven't figured out how to do it yet And you know, that's not possible.

Dr Cedric Howard
33:56 - 34:28
Yeah, it is possible. I just need to learn how to do it Um, and so that's why I just offer that, you know, from, you know, to, to, to parents and so forth. Think about where your child is. That's where they're at. That's the foundation they have. What is the process you're going to use to educate them? And that can go into various ways. That's kind of where the assessment comes in and then work with them to take the lessons they've learned to redevelop who they are and to elevate who they are and then discover a new version of them and celebrate that new version of them.

Dr Cedric Howard
34:29 - 34:47
Remember, a commencement is not an ending. To commence means to begin. So when you're graduating, you're going to commencement realizing they're launching into a new phase and stage of their life. And they're a new version of themselves. And so just acknowledging that new version of themselves is extremely important.

Cheryl
34:49 - 35:04
And so this nerdy process can be at any time. It's an ongoing, it doesn't need to, they're into college a year and going, oh, I made a huge, I made a huge mistake, mom. I know you've paid all this tuition. I've made a huge mistake. We can revisit that process.

Dr Cedric Howard
35:05 - 35:30
Correct, correct. And I have family members as well. So you go through midlife crisis. I have family members say, yes, I have to have a nerdy moment. I gotta go through this nerdy moment. And I realized that's their way of saying, hey, I'm going through something. I need to go through retraining, or I need to go through redevelopment in life. And so I've given them the language, the jargon, and the process by which to transition out of whatever difficult time that they're going through.

Cheryl
35:32 - 35:52
I love that. So in your position now, what are colleges really wanting to see in our new entrants, our new registrants, our new students, what do they want to see? What are you looking for when you look at those applications and people and interviews?

Dr Cedric Howard
35:53 - 36:33
So there are several types of institutions, and I want to kind of just articulate that for a second. Institutions are really outlined based upon their admissions process. And so there are some institutions that are open admissions, which simply means that once you have attained the minimum qualifications, which is usually the completion of some type of high school or equivalent certification, you get assured admissions into our particular school. And that could be a two year, four year trade school. It is open admissions and those are usually community based institutions. And then you go through and there are more selective institutions.

Dr Cedric Howard
36:34 - 37:43
And usually based upon the ranking or the perception or the status of that institution determines how restrictive that institution actually is. And so a lot of the large public institutions go through admissions process where they're looking at three primary criteria, your academic resume, based upon the courses that you've taken in secondary education, your extracurricular involvement, what clubs, organization, community service work have you done, and your ability to articulate the desired outcomes. Why should I let you in? What will you contribute to my particular community? And that's usually the admissions letter. And oftentimes I'll say to anybody who's applying and they have to write an admissions letter, go to that school's mission, values, and vision statement and understand what that campus is about and write your admissions letter to that particular institution or mission.

Dr Cedric Howard
37:44 - 38:31
because that's the core values that they particularly have. And then you have the selective schools, the highly selective schools that are what I consider to be ecosystems for keeping, I don't want to call it a caste system, but they're ecosystem for keeping people at a certain economic level at that level. and very few outside of that particular socioeconomic class or caste actually get submission into those types of institutions. So know what type of institution you're applying for, but really it is based upon three things. Your academic, what I consider your resume, which is your transcripts, and your extracurricular involvement, because many institutions want to know that you're a well-rounded person.

Dr Cedric Howard
38:32 - 39:19
And then what is the outcomes? If I give you access into our particular institution, what are you hoping to do? A helpful hint, one of my golden nuggets that I oftentimes leave for people, start the process as early as possible. If you have the ability to work with the seventh grader or eighth grader and say, I want you to start focusing on, if you're desiring to go to any post-secondary, institution, any. We're not defining what that will become, but if you're desiring to go to it, begin to get involved, begin to focus on your classes that you take, begin to capture it from that perspective.

Dr Cedric Howard
39:20 - 40:02
I was speaking about five days ago at a conference for educators, and I had about 350 educators in the room. And I said, how many middle school teachers are here? And a couple of them, probably about two dozen. I say, if your seventh and eighth graders do not have a resume, you need to start now. And they said, why? I said, because you're teaching them habits they're gonna use for the rest of their life. Just like we have a transcripts which capture their academic achievements, you need to teach them how to document all the activities outside of classroom as a part of their resume.

Dr Cedric Howard
40:04 - 40:36
And that's a skill they can come with them take with the rest of life. And so that's what college is going to ask. That's also when you're looking for jobs, you can talk about, hey, you know, I've been involved in doing community services. I was twelve or thirteen. Let me tell you some of the things I've done and I've continued that throughout life. It becomes a powerful tool of selling themselves because they have to realize that they are a brand. And they need to sell that version of that brand themselves. So beginning as soon as possible is an important golden nugget that I leave with all educators.

Cheryl
40:38 - 41:14
And I find when I think about writing a resume, it's almost like writing a gratitude journal. When you're writing a resume, it's all about the positive things about you. And if you can get kids to start writing down all the positive things about them, then they're you know, recticular system starts looking for all the positive things about them because they're going to add it to their resume. So now that's like, wipe out the negative stuff. I don't need to know the negative stuff because I'm not writing that down. I'm going to start looking for, I want to buy a Porsche.

Cheryl
41:15 - 41:17
I'm going to see a Porsche every day on the street.

Dr Cedric Howard
41:17 - 41:18
There you

Cheryl
41:18 - 41:27
go. I love that. That's, that's so good to start early. So I want to get into something that's so prevalent, mental health

Dr Cedric Howard
41:28 - 41:28
and

Cheryl
41:29 - 42:05
struggling college students, struggling teens. What can parents do to prepare teens for, you know, building themselves that armor around mental health struggles when they get to college and when they get there? you know, how do we still as parents back home, how are we supporting them through those? Like we see it all the time, we see it every day. How are we supporting our kids who are going through these mental health struggles or you're anticipating that mental health struggle?

Dr Cedric Howard
42:05 - 42:46
Yeah, I think it's important as a parent to realize that you, first of all, you're a parent and not a friend. They have friends to affirm them. But as a parent, your job is to set a vision and a framework for them as a parent. And so that begins for me with developing trust with your particular child. And trust is usually developed through open communication and clear set of decision points. And so, OK, as a parent, how are you interacting with them? How are you communicating with them? Are you checking in with them? Are you transactional or are you relational?

Dr Cedric Howard
42:47 - 43:28
And I think it's important to be with your kids, to be transactional from the perspective of when things should be transacted, but relational to build a connective tissue that's going to last a lifetime. And so develop habits that are extremely important. Do you have a weekly or daily check-in with your child? Do you send them information just to encourage them? Hey, I know that that you have this test today. I know that you're going to do well, but I'm proud of you. Have you said that doing life challenges, say, you know, I'm the parent. I told you not to seek a relationship with that particular person.

Dr Cedric Howard
43:28 - 44:09
You says I can care less about the relationship. How are you doing? What can I do to be there to support you? How can we grow from this? Interacting relationships are going to go. But as a parent, I'm always there for you. Be authentic to express your feelings for your child and allow your child to express their authentic feelings back to you. And I think that's where you begin. And then secondly, to be nonjudgmental because they are eventually your child. You had a significant role in what they're becoming. And so if they make mistakes, it's just simple to say, how do we grow from that mistake?

Dr Cedric Howard
44:11 - 44:56
And how do we develop and mature so that we don't make that mistake again? The moment we become judgmental, they shut down, put up guards, and they put up gates. But I think when you develop those relationship, those relational aspects, that breaks down the gates. And it allows you to be there for them when they really need you. from that perspective. And that's why oftentimes where, you know, I say that I'm a parent and not a friend, because as a parent, you know, my role never ends. My role never dissipates. You know, my ability to provide a support structure for my kids, you know, even though they're in their 20s, that never ends.

Dr Cedric Howard
44:57 - 45:51
Now, how I do it changes. But it's important to start open communication. It's important to start with developing trust. It's important to ensure that your child has a safe place to express their emotions. whether you like what they have to say or not. And then to become judgmental, keep that to as low as possible to be non-judgmental in what they have to say to you, because they're going to get judged enough in society and by their friends. And so by creating a safe place, a haven for them to be emotionally well, will prove well and beneficial for you as a parent and as you begin to nurture them from becoming teenagers into adulthood.

Cheryl
45:52 - 46:22
And when you're having these conversations, I can guarantee you you're not always gonna like their answer, but you can't anticipate what they're going to say. You can't, and jumping in with, oh yeah, I know, I've been there, I've done that. No, don't, you know, we're not gonna anticipate what they're gonna say. We're gonna really hear and appreciate the fact that I may not like this answer, but that's okay, because it's not my answer. It's their answer.

Dr Cedric Howard
46:23 - 46:49
I think that's so, That is so powerful. Cheryl, I oftentimes say, when we listen to comprehend and not listen to respond, we get a lot more from the particular conversation. And so if I'm listening to comprehend, that means that I'm going to set my active listening skills, understanding not just the content, but the context of what is being said.

Cheryl
46:49 - 46:51
Because

Dr Cedric Howard
46:51 - 47:21
remember, even as a parent, I'm developing collaboration and partnership around helping my child to overcome whatever the issue is and or to affirm that I'm showing support for their success. And so take a moment to listen to comprehend, not to respond. That is extremely important as a part of developing that healthy boundaries and effective listening skills in working with our kids. I

Cheryl
47:21 - 47:21
love

Dr Cedric Howard
47:21 - 47:21
that.

Cheryl
47:23 - 47:49
I hate when I have to wrap up because I feel like we could talk for another five hours. But this has been incredibly valuable. I'm so grateful for your work and what you're putting out there. I mean, oh my goodness, what a gift you are. And so tell us about the rest of your guests before we go. Cedric, what can we read? Where can we find you? How can we, all things Dr. Cedric Howard, please.

Dr Cedric Howard
47:50 - 48:40
So first, I'm on all social media. Just look for Cedric, C-E-D-R-I-C B. Howard. And so Cedric B. Howard is who I am. Social media, LinkedIn, all the social media platforms. My wife and I actually manage a YouTube channel where we put out information because what we want to do is make sure everyone has a healthy relationship with themselves and their families. So, um, and that is financial. So we do financial literacy, um, leadership, resiliency training, um, and our website and our YouTube channel is Bowtie Chronicles cause I wear a bowtie. So are you talking about a, Hey, um, I've been wearing a bowtie since I was four.

Dr Cedric Howard
48:41 - 48:42
Um, and I

Cheryl
48:42 - 48:43
thought

Dr Cedric Howard
48:43 - 48:44
that was just for

Cheryl
48:44 - 48:44
me.

Dr Cedric Howard
48:46 - 49:22
It is for you, Sharon. Okay. Okay. I said, you go to Bowtie Chronicles, you can follow us and see what we're putting out from that perspective. Realize, I think it is an honor for me. Remember, education is a shared endeavor. And when everyone kind of participates, we can grow and develop as a community. And so what I do is to try to share my gift to help everyone have the ability to have transformation within their family and lives, because that is my why. And that's what gives me honor and privilege from that perspective.

Cheryl
49:24 - 50:07
I love it. And I'm going to put everything in the show notes so you don't have to start memorizing this list listeners. But again, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Cedric Howard. Thank you for listening. I am so grateful that you have us in your ear today, just for the sole purpose of transforming the relationships you have with yourself and with your team. What better way to go? and thank you again for listening to Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's world. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode. I hope you loved this one as much as I did.

Cheryl
50:07 - 50:46
And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talked about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids. Because here's the truth. The transformation starts with you.

Cheryl
50:46 - 51:20
Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm. We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call. There's no pitch. There's no pressure. Just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way. And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes.

Cheryl
51:21 - 51:34
Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.