# 87 "Episode 1- 4 part series on Netflix's Adolescence"

#ParentingTeens #AdolescenceSeries #TeenChallenges #FamilyDynamics #SocialMediaAwareness #ParentingAdvice #TeenParenting #InsightToImpact #CherylCoaching #ParentingPodcast #parentadvocate

Welcome to the first episode of our four-part series on the Netflix show "Adolescence," where we delve into the intricate world of teenage challenges and family dynamics. In this episode, we explore the gripping story of a 13-year-old boy accused of a heinous crime, unraveling the layers of family relationships, societal pressures, and the impact of social media on today's youth. Join us as we discuss the importance of understanding our teens' world, the role of parental guidance, and the critical conversations we need to have to bridge the gap between generations.

Cheryl
00:01 - 00:44
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for Today's Complex World. And that is going to be key in these next four episodes. I'm doing a four-part series on adolescence, that Netflix show that everybody is talking about. binged it this week and now I'm going back through it because I feel like there's so much in here and everybody is talking about it and now I know why. So here's your spoiler alert for the next four podcast episodes. I'm going to do each episode from Adolescence. So if you haven't seen it, here's your spoiler alert.

Cheryl
00:45 - 01:31
turn it up, go watch it, come back, or just get the review, whatever you like. I have so many comments and questions about this. And I want to say first a disclaimer that whatever I comment on or question, first of all, it's not every kid and it's not every parent, but I feel like there's so many underlying things in this whole series that you know, we need to really be thinking about, concerned about, even just aware of. So let's just dive into this. Let's dive into this. So first I want to say, if you watch it, the accents are so thick that I had to go back and put the closed captioning on.

Cheryl
01:31 - 02:06
I could not understand 90%. And even just the emotions and the bits and pieces of what you could hear, you could completely get the feeling of what was happening. and the emotion of it. But if you want to get the details, just go back and start with your closed captioning. That's the only way I got through the last episode. And now I'm restarting to watch it again because I really have some things to say about this. So again, spoiler alert, if you haven't seen it, turn me off right now. Come back later. I won't be offended.

Cheryl
02:07 - 02:49
This is a Netflix series and it's about it's a crime drama, but a teenage boy who is accused of murdering a female classmate and is not based on a true story, but it was based on a series of different disturbing stories that the. director or producer who also plays the father of the boy in this series, he was just getting, I think his quote was, it just hurt his heart, all these stories that were coming out about these young kids, just the cyber bullying, the murders, all the incidents that were hopping in in school with kids that age.

Cheryl
02:49 - 03:59
So in the show, this kid is 13. So it starts off where it's like this sleepy town in UK and it's first thing in the morning and you know by the way the police first entered the home is clearly there was a very serious offense. So they wound up bursting down the door and like just coming into the house without knocking, telling everybody to get to the floor, looking for the boy, Jamie, they found him. in bed And so, you know, I think we already know no matter where any offenses happen if it's a Not a criminal offense or a violent offense then the police will knock at the door and ask for the kid or ask for the parents but they literally went in like 15 cops busted open the door with that jackhammer thing and that went in so They find Jamie, the kid in his bed at 6.30 in the morning and immediately tell him he's arrested for a suspect of murder.

Cheryl
04:00 - 04:40
And he's 13 and he immediately pieces pants. So we're really seeing the age of this kid and like the absolute fear and trauma that this has already caused for him. And throughout the whole episode, Starting right from the beginning, he is always asking for his dad. Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. His mom's in the house, his sister's in the house. He's always asking for his dad, which I thought, oh, okay, that's something I sort of, and I wrote notes because I don't want to miss anything. So the arrest and the subsequent interrogation visibly disturbed the adults around Jamie.

Cheryl
04:40 - 05:35
So they get into the police car, And you can just see he has a representative there because he's 13 and then of course the police and you can just feel their They're so disturbed by this like this this no matter what this kid's done and Clearly they think he's guilty of what it is. They're accusing him of murder But you can tell it doesn't stop them from really feeling that deep sadness, disturbance that this kid sitting across from them is 13 and could have done what he's been accused of doing. So you can just totally feel their conflict and one of the the lead officer you can tell he phones home in the middle just I think just to get some peace and you can tell he has a son And it's kind of leading into maybe a son the same age.

Cheryl
05:35 - 06:12
So he's feeling like oh my gosh, this this could be you know Maybe not one of maybe not his kid, but maybe one of his kids friends So as I get into the police station, jamie is now Uh has the option to choose what they called an appropriate adult to be with him during questioning. So he also gets to have a lawyer but he gets to have an appropriate adult. And he immediately picks his dad. And even his mom says, why did he pick you? And then she learns that Jamie now has to give blood samples.

Cheryl
06:13 - 06:52
And she says, he hates needles. Why did he pick you? Almost feeling like I'm the mom. I'm the, you know, the emotional support system here. I don't know, just kept picking his dad. Never even questioned it. Never thought about it. It was always dad. And there's this one part in it where they said the police were talking to each other and they said, oh, you know, how is his dad? And the comment was fine. And then the next question was, how is Jamie when he's with his dad? Which now you're thinking, oh, what does this mean?

Cheryl
06:53 - 07:42
Is there some kind of, I don't know, subtle suggestion that there could be more to the relationship, that there could be something, I don't know, inappropriate going on? And the whole time, what you're noticing too is Jamie's dad is like, he's there, but something is off. He does not physically comfort his son at any point in time through, I think, I think the episode is like an hour. So through the whole process, he's besides his son, he's encouraging him to eat breakfast. He's, you know, like, feels like he's supporting, but not physically affectionate at all until one point where he made his son look him in the eye and promise, did you do it?

Cheryl
07:43 - 08:19
Tell me the truth right now. And the son said, I didn't do it. And he immediately put his hand on his son's shoulder. And as his son was walking into the interview, had his hand on his son's shoulder, it was just the very first time through the whole episode that dad had a physical connection to his dad. And I went, this is weird. So there's different reasons for this, you know, there's like he might have had a stronger attachment to his father. He might have believed his dad was, you know, the safe one or the more accepting parent in moments of distress.

Cheryl
08:20 - 09:01
Kids don't always reach out for the nicer parents. Sometimes they reach for the one they feel safest with if they're going to fall apart. And it might say less about love and like more about a perceived protection they might be getting from that parent. And Jamie may view his dad as the fixer, the protector, the one who will step in and advocate even in chaos. There might be like cultural or family dynamics where emotion and vulnerability and repair are expected from dad, but maybe not from mom. Or I mean, there's the emotional distance or like a conditional love.

Cheryl
09:02 - 09:43
So kids often reach for the parent they're emotionally distant from because they're still trying to earn their love or still trying to earn their approval. I know dad made several comments even in just the first episode about, well, he's my son. I made him like, of course he's smart. Of course he's good. He's my son. Really tagging onto the fact that he came from him holding that responsibility as his dad. And so there's also the, you know, the sense that maybe he's feeling guilty and does not want his mom to be like in his space because he can't handle the guilt.

Cheryl
09:43 - 10:25
He might, you know, As we can see at the end of the episode, he knows what he's done and disappointing or upsetting his mom might be like totally unbearable. They often see moms as an emotional barometer. So turning to her could mean confronting shame in a way and he's not ready to do that. And the officer's question, you know, about, I don't know, that how was he with his dad? It was like, They just kind of slipped it in, and I know through the rest of the other three episodes, there's a sprinkling of this, but I'm not giving that away yet.

Cheryl
10:26 - 11:15
So, you know, whether it's control, secrecy, or just a family dynamic, Jamie's request might not just have been about comfort, getting his dad and always his dad to be supporting him. It might be about power or fear, I don't know. So, okay, so here's what I want to say too, and in the interview, there's no mention, so they're interrogating Jamie, the stat is there's lawyers there, they're interrogating him, he's been coached by his lawyer to say no comment about the event itself. But when they started questioning about friends and then they questioned about this victim, this girl, Katie Leonard, he immediately went to, oh, is she dead then?

Cheryl
11:16 - 12:03
And everybody just looked at him like, okay, you just gave it right away. And it's really, it was kind of jarring because he didn't even say it like, Like he was upset or he was emotionally distraught. It was a very matter of fact question. So there was like no, I don't know, there was no like conflict of whether did he or didn't he. It was like, oh, is she dead then? It was bizarre. It was like a gut punch. Because you're always remembering like, not only is he 13, they've picked a 13-year-old actor who could probably be like 11.

Cheryl
12:05 - 13:09
So it was just, oh my gosh. So and as they were going through the interrogation, the kid was out at 10.30 at night. He's 13. I'm wondering, There was no surprise in his dad's eyes while they were going through, okay, well at 8.30 you left the house and 9.30 you were here. From 9.30 to 10.30 this happened. And I don't know, 13? Out wandering the streets? I don't know. Is that another question we have? Yes. So what I wanna say, and you know, I guess what I want to talk about, because I don't want to give away the other three, the other three episodes, is what is happening in this house where there's no way anyone believes he did it, including him in some very unreal way of, you know, the very end of the episode, it showed video footage where he just couldn't deny any of it.

Cheryl
13:10 - 13:55
And when the video footage ended and he was just with his dad, he continued to say, I didn't do it. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. So now you're wondering, I'm wondering about the mental capacity there. There's just so many questions. I have so many questions. And as we go through it, so what I want to say is, Sometimes when our kids are quiet and not causing some kind of outward disturbance, we think, oh, they're good. They're kids. They want to be quiet. They're in their rooms. They're doing their thing. They have some friends.

Cheryl
13:57 - 14:45
But do we really know what's going on in their room? Do we really know who their friends are? Do we really know where they are and what time they're out and what it is they're doing? Interesting, interesting. Anyway, okay, if you're a parent or a caregiver, You know, they also start talking as you go through the other three episodes, they talk about masculinity, social media, bullying, pornography. They tap into that pornography a little bit when they show posts that he has made on Instagram of, it looks like some very provocative pictures of older women. And he says he's not interested in them because they're too old, but he likes that type of a girl.

Cheryl
14:46 - 15:38
And so he's 13, and he's posting this. And his parents, at this point, from what you can see, have no idea. So can we now talk about social media and what age our kids are really have the capacity to decipher what can be posted, what they should be sharing, what kind of commentary they should be making. I don't know, is it unreasonable to think 16? I don't think it's unreasonable. I don't know. What do you think? I wanna know what you think about this. I want your commentary on even just the first episode. And next week we'll do the second episode and keep going.

Cheryl
15:39 - 16:28
But I wanna know too, like what questions do you have about this? And what's your observation after you watch it? We just don't know. I feel like there's this huge gap between how we were parented and how we want to parent, but there's so much more external influence for our kids and external pressure for our kids at much younger ages that I feel like we need to be so much more aware of what's happening. If your kid is 13, and on Facebook, and on Instagram, and you're wanting to go through this, and they don't want you to go through it, well, there's clue number one, that you have to go through it.

Cheryl
16:30 - 17:17
And clue number two for me is, you can always backtrack. You can always say, and it won't go over well, and yeah, you're gonna have some flack and some conflict, but can you say, you know what, I made a mistake? I don't think at 13, 12, nine, 14, that you have the maturity and responsibility level of someone who can manage social media in your world. And it's not gonna go over big, and yes, you're gonna have an argument, But in the long run, let's weigh out the pros and cons on this. Let's weigh this out.

Cheryl
17:17 - 18:00
Do we have a big fight now? Are you the worst parents in the world? Hmm, maybe. But it's still your job to make the right decisions. parent and guide and even say, you know what, I screwed up. I shouldn't have given you this phone. I shouldn't have let you have Facebook. You shouldn't be on Snapchat or TikTok. I don't feel like it's safe. I don't think I made a good decision on this. and I'm taking it away. You have every right, every right to do that. And I think if you rehearse it ahead of time and know what's gonna happen and know what kind of reaction you're gonna get, and it could be a conversation you have a hundred times, be prepared.

Cheryl
18:01 - 18:37
But if you know it is in their best interests, safety wise, I think it's worth it. Yeah. Anyway, I'm obviously hyped up on this. So put on your closed captions because you'll never understand unless a fish was born and raised in UK. I couldn't understand anything. So get on closed captions, get your notepad, start making notes. I want to know what you think. I really want to know what you think. And I want to know if you are now going, huh, maybe I need to have a conversation with my kid. Maybe I need to make some changes.

Cheryl
18:39 - 19:25
And it gets even worse. So there's more coming. Anyway, thank you for listening. And we'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode. I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl, and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids.

Cheryl
19:26 - 20:00
Because here's the truth. The transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm. We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call. There's no pitch. There's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way.

Cheryl
20:00 - 20:17
And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes. Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.