#88 WTF-Mom's Day Tribute Honouring Moms: Unconditional Love and Connection Beyond Biology

 #ParentingTeens #Motherhood #UnconditionalLove #MotherFigures #MothersDay #ParentingPodcast #TeenParenting #FamilyConnections #WTFSeries #CherylPankhurstWelcome to another heartfelt episode of Parenting Teens, the WTF series! In this special Mother's Day edition, Cheryl takes a moment to celebrate the essence of motherhood and the profound connections that define it. Whether you're a biological mom, an adoptive parent, or a cherished mother figure, this episode is a tribute to the unconditional love and support you provide. Cheryl shares personal stories and reflections on the joys and challenges of being a mom, emphasizing the importance of connection over material gifts. Tune in to feel inspired and appreciated, and remember, it's the love and presence that truly matter. Happy Mother's Day to all the incredible moms and mother figures out there!

Cheryl
00:02 - 00:30
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens, the WTF series. Welcome to Friday. It's not what you think, even though WTF does cross my lips every once in a while. I am not doing my typical in the studio with the with the good mic and the good headphones today because life just started lifing and I didn't want to miss my welcome to Friday.

Cheryl
00:30 - 01:08
So here we are and the welcome to Friday is more of a getting to know me on a different level and me getting to know you on a different level. If you've been hanging around the podcast Parenting Teens Advice Redefined, you know that most of my episodes are with experts on different issues that we struggle with with teens or as parents. And so I really wanted this welcome to Friday to be more of I get a chance to have some commentary on those episodes. Sometimes, you know, I like my expert guests to have to have the floor.

Cheryl
01:09 - 01:39
And then I get a chance once we record and I get a chance to hear it's like, I wanted to say this and I really that made me think of this and how can this help somebody else. So I wanted to use WTF for that. And so I welcome you to get on my social media, DM me, go into my website, CherylPankhurst.com and directly message me. And if there's questions that you have, if there's topics you really want me to cover in WTF or even in the podcast, just let me know.

Cheryl
01:39 - 01:57
I'm happy to do it. And if you have questions that are, you know, you want to keep anonymous, just say so when you message me, I don't want you to say my name. Fine. I'll happily dedicate some episodes on WTF to just answering and asking different questions.

Cheryl
01:57 - 02:21
You can bet as a parent or a mom or just a human, if you have a question about something, you can bet someone else has the same question. And the only thing you're doing is helping by asking. So now today's episode, I thought, what else can I talk about? We're at Mother's Day weekend.

Cheryl
02:22 - 02:50
So I really wanted to pay tribute to the Mother's Day celebrations. And I want to say first that being a mom doesn't mean you have given birth. It doesn't mean you have to have an adoption paper. It doesn't mean, I feel like being a mom means that you have a connection to someone that feels like unconditional love.

Cheryl
02:50 - 03:03
It feels like true connection. It feels like they are the safe place for you and you are the safest place for them. That's being a mom or a mother figure. And you know what?

Cheryl
03:03 - 03:11
It could be your next door neighbor. It could be a teacher. It could be a special education specialist. It could be an aunt.

Cheryl
03:12 - 03:25
It could be a grandmother. It could be your best friend's daughter. It could be anybody. But I celebrate the mothers and the mother figures for this weekend.

Cheryl
03:26 - 04:34
I know that I did give birth to two children and being a mom, even after 35 years has absolutely been the most profound, amazing, incredible, rewarding, challenging experience ever. And I've had some challenges and I've had some, you know, pretty good experiences, but being a mom has just, has taught me so much in every single age from the time I was pregnant to the time I had kids to when they were younger and then when they went to preschool and then when they went to you know public school and high school and and they're getting married and they're moving out on their own and changing careers and and all of that every single stage I have to say every stage was my favorite and it wasn't always the easiest but it was definitely every stage there was just something where I could find okay this

Cheryl
04:34 - 05:13
is incredible they are you know we're not just raising kids we're just raising these human beings to go out into the world and when they come out into the world as adults and you see them you know, being real family people still and, you know, loving their grandparents and looking after their aunts and uncles and, you know, never avoiding a family situation where they get to be with family and connecting when they need something and when they don't need something, knowing that they can count on, in this situation, count on me. for an honest answer.

Cheryl
05:14 - 05:46
Sometimes I get a little too, it's okay, everything will be fine, and then I need to like dial it back. And hopefully I'm now learning to say, to have them understand, do you want me to give you advice on this or do you just need me to listen? And hopefully I remember that every time we have these difficult conversations, because I think that's really important. because I think as we grow, you know, my mom had a different role in my life as a mom, wonderful mother, the biggest heart in the world.

Cheryl
05:47 - 06:14
But there was things that I wouldn't talk to her about at certain ages where I find that my kids are now feeling like they can. So it's just, you know, it's based on how my mom was raised and then my mom raising me. And, you know, there's some things that are just amazing about it. And some things you think, Oh, maybe we could change a little bit there, but Every person, every mom does the best they can with what they have.

Cheryl
06:14 - 06:31
And I will never slam that. I remember, you know, my mom was a tough cookie. She was like, I had a curfew the night before I got married. I wasn't allowed in a boy's car until I was like 18 and I was an only child.

Cheryl
06:31 - 06:57
Well, I still am obviously an only child. So there was nobody there to like break the ice for me. So there was a lot of rules in place for me that my friends didn't have that I found really hard to deal with. However, there was a time when I was standing in the front yard, And the boy across the street threw a shingle at my head that had fallen off the roof and it stuck right in my forehead.

Cheryl
06:59 - 07:33
And while I stood on the front lawn, bleeding profusely, my mother, my pit bull, my bodyguard chased this kid all the way around the block until she got him home. And then we went to the hospital. And then there was, of course, there was a time when I broke up with this boy that I was going out with, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made, and I was devastated. And she literally drove me all over the city where I thought he might be so that I could find him and apologize.

Cheryl
07:33 - 07:59
I don't even know if she liked him, but I just know she knew that I just needed her to do this for me, and she did. And, you know, high school, I remember this one teacher, Mr. Angus, talked to me like a bag of crap. And I went home and I told my mom and typically she would say, you know, suck it up or you must've done something wrong or, and she would have been right. But at this point I wasn't.

Cheryl
08:00 - 08:25
Well, didn't she get in the car, drive straight to the school, ripped him a new one and came right home and didn't look for, I did that for you. She just did it. It was just like instinct. And I have one more story where I was about 10 And my mom and dad sent me down to the corner store with 35 cents to get a loaf of bread.

Cheryl
08:25 - 08:44
Yes, I am that old and that's not what we're talking about here. Sent me down to the store with 35 cents and two boys, one punched me and the other one demanded the money. So I gave him the money and off I went running home. I was sobbing, I was petrified.

Cheryl
08:44 - 08:59
I got in the door, no money, no bread. And my mother threw me in the car. We drove straight down to the variety store. Weren't these kids still standing there trying to decide what to buy with my 35 cents?

Cheryl
08:59 - 09:16
My mother grabbed them both by their collars. I know illegal now, grabbed them both by their collars, made them take them to their houses, knocked on the door and told their parents what they had done. Like what a warrior, like a warrior. I do that now?

Cheryl
09:16 - 10:00
No, I'd probably be in jail, but she, she's just a warrior. So as moms and mother figures, I think the way to tell if you are a mom or a mother figure without the obvious biology is that when our kids are hurting, when they're sick, when they have a loss, and you're not just sad for them, but you feel it viscerally. You feel it in every fiber of your body when you know your kids are hurting.

Cheryl
10:02 - 10:23
and even more so when they're, your kids are hurting and you can't fix it. It's such a terrible feeling. And the best feeling comes if you're patient and you just have faith in them and you instill them that, you know, I can't fix this for you, but I know, you know, I know you can fix this. I know you can handle this.

Cheryl
10:23 - 11:07
It sucks. It's terrible, but you won't recognize your life in a few months, or I know you can do this. and then they come out the other side and it almost feels like it would feel like Christmas morning or you won the big lottery because your whole body then goes and it's not you it's not your situation but because you're that mother or mother figure it's just literally that whole body restriction and then that pure joy that comes after So if you feel like that about anyone when they tell you they're hurting or they're sick, then

Cheryl
11:07 - 11:23
you are the mother figure and happy Mother's Day. And for the kids who are sitting there thinking, oh, I can't afford to take her to a nice dinner. I don't really have any money to buy her a gift. Listen, take it from me.

Cheryl
11:24 - 11:52
If you are somehow just find a way to be in our space for a few minutes, a coffee in the backyard, a Zoom call, a phone call, a little note in the mail, and a call, that's all we want. That's all we really, really love is just some kind of connection with you. And we don't need the things.

Cheryl
11:52 - 12:08
We don't need the stuff. We don't need the places. We just need you. So I want to say to my kids, thank you for making me a mom.

Cheryl
12:08 - 12:59
I want to say to my mom, thank you for being the mom that you are, that I can count on every day. Thank you to my bestie who I know feels that visceral feeling when I'm hurting and she will go to the ends of the earth for me. I want to thank all the moms out there, the ones who, you know, are trying and things might not be going so well and your kids might be really struggling and suffering. I feel you and I hear you and I wish you a Mother's Day and I wish you that you get through this Mother's Day and you get through every other Mother's Day where it gets better and better and

Cheryl
12:59 - 13:23
better for you. I thank the moms who are watching us from up above, from those who are in hospital or in addiction centers. I wish you mothers all the recovery and healing that you need. And I just want to say thank you.

Cheryl
13:23 - 13:55
There is just nothing like a mom's love. And sometimes it's just in our hearts and there's no one to demonstrate it with or no one to celebrate it with. But if you are feeling that in your heart, go take yourself for a coffee, go take yourself for a glass of wine and know that you did the very best you could with what you had. And when we know better, we do better.

Cheryl
13:56 - 14:11
But everything we do is just from this deep sense of love. So WTF. Welcome to Friday. I thank you so much for joining me today.

Cheryl
14:12 - 14:33
I hope you can appreciate the fact there's not great sound, a great mic, little visual going on here. I'm at the beach, but I just wanted to say thank you to all the moms out there and all the kids that make us moms. Happy Mother's Day and see you next Friday.