#94 WTF "Celebrating Friendship: Lessons on Connection, Growth, and Support"

 #ParentingTeens #FriendshipGoals #TeenAdvice #ParentingPodcast #StrongConnections #Gratitude #FriendshipMatters #Reconnect #WTFPodcast #WelcomeToFriday

Welcome to another episode of WTF: Welcome to Friday, the spinoff from Parenting Teens Advice Redefined. I'm your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and today we dive into the significance of friendships in our lives. As parents of teenagers, we understand the challenges and joys that come with guiding our kids through their own friendships. In this episode, we explore how friendships evolve from childhood to adulthood, the importance of setting examples for our teens, and how to foster and maintain meaningful connections even in tough times. Join me as we celebrate the beauty of friendships and the role they play in our lives.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of WTF. Welcome to Friday. It is the spinoff from Parenting Teens Advice Redefined. I'm your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and I'm so glad you're here.

If you've been hanging around the Wednesday podcast, Parenting Teens Advice Redefined, then you know that we do mostly interviews with experts or I pick one topic to riff on about parenting teens and issues that a lot of people go through, expect to go through, might go through in hopes of making sure you don't feel like you're alone, that you have some strategies, that you have a way to deal with things, and that you know how to look after you as a parent where the work starts. But WTF was created because I just there's more I want to talk about I want to riff on some topics when I have expert guests come in so this is unedited and you'll notice that real quick when I screw things up and Uncut but this is just my little Spin-off so that you get to know me a little more and hopefully I get to know you a little more You know I invite you to always DM me email me message me in some way to let me know If you have questions if there's things you

really want me to talk about if there's things you don't agree with I'm happy to have those conversations the nice thing about Having the podcast is one of the many nice things is that when you've spent a 25 years in a system where there's things that you just couldn't always say without repercussions or without, you know, causing harm to somebody else in the sense of causing more trouble. But in a podcast, no filter. So I guess I could have called it No Filter Friday.

But there are some things in the systems that are broken and there are some things happening in schools and in families that need to be brought to the surface. So we are able to create an awareness and hopefully help make some changes. So anyway, today is Friday, May 29th, and it's a special day in my world because my very best friend turns 60 today. And as I started thinking about this today, I thought, wow, this is a really great tribute, not just to her, but to friendships and what they really mean to us and how we can foster and facilitate and maintain our friendships, even in the tough times.

And friendships go way back, right? We go way back to when we're little kids and we just want playmates and playdates. And then when we get into, you know, pre-teen, grades seven and eight, well, those are the friends that make or break your life. You feel like, you know, if those relationships end, you feel like your whole world has ended.

And those are, you know, for parents so hard for us to watch our kids go through the ending of a friendship. But it's also very much an opportunity for character building and to make sure that our kids know that it all starts with them, that they don't have to rely on somebody else. Someone else's interaction, someone else's response to a text, someone else's agreement in what they are doing and approval. Here's where we can start guiding our kids through those really tough times.

And we can do it by setting an example, by showing kids what our friendships are like, and maybe talking about, oh, friendships that didn't work for us when we were younger, and explaining that to the kids, whether it was our fault or not our fault. Like, they need to know that these things end, and that some people are in our lives forever, and some people are in our lives for just a season. And when Friendships are built in on the basis of say school or the basis of baseball or Soccer or brownies or girl guides wouldn't friendships are built on those bases, then there's quite often we just outgrow them. We just move on.

We don't do baseball anymore, so we don't connect with them anymore. We don't do soccer or Girl Guides, so we don't have that connection anymore, that common thread. And sometimes it's, you know, important to let our kids know that that's normal. It's totally normal.

How many times have you worked in an office? And I know I have worked in a school or worked in a specific department in the school. And this is your work family and you see each other every day and they start to learn your life and you feel very close to them. And then one day you change departments, you change schools, you change offices and you know, you do the token, let's do lunch, let's connect, maybe a text here and there.

And it's not that you don't like them anymore. It's you've outgrown that space where you had your connection and it's so normal. So it would be a really good idea, that as our kids are going through these friendships, as they are developing, and as they are growing, talking about these things, oh, I remember my friend, and I remember this experience, so that they understand, sometimes it just plants a seed, that this is, you know, doesn't have to be your only friendship.

And I'm so glad you connected on this common ground. and maybe even proactively, you know, when the common ground is now eliminated, do we start planning and proactively talking to our kids about, you know, this might not happen, you know, don't be surprised if, so that they are not then taking it upon themselves as, and blaming themselves as the end of a friendship. But what is a friendship?

I mean, we have friends at work. We have friends that we've known forever. We have friends of our spouses or friends of our friends. And there's different levels and always a reason to appreciate every different type of friend and every different level of friend.

I celebrate my friend's birthday today. And we have been friends for 46 years. And we worked together for years. We had projects working together.

I don't think a day has gone by, unless we're away, that we have not checked in with each other by text. Once a day. once a day, just a hay or a gif or a laugh or whatever. And, and I always, you know, when I'm writing down my gratitude in my journal, it's always for my friends always.

And, you know, when life just rolls around and just, you know, is a normal day to day, then you're, and your friends are there and you're connecting and you're having your dinners and enjoying each other's company. That's amazing. But when things fall apart, and they do, and they will, you will see who your true friends are. you will see the ones who just step up.

And I've had this experience very recently, ones who have just literally stepped up. What do you need? What can I do? And never, ever, ever made me feel like it was an imposition or I wasn't deserving of this help.

And there's something that, you know, I keep going back to in my own head when I start feeling like, ah, this is too much to ask. It's too much to count on somebody. Then I go back to exactly what I would tell my kids. Would you do this for them?

In a heartbreak, in a heartbeat. So why wouldn't you let them do this for you? And I think receiving help from people, especially our friends, you know, when we, when we feel that resistance to it, I feel like it's the ego saying, well, now I owe you, or now I feel like I'm not deserving of this help. There's something I'm not worthy up here.

And it's something to be said because we are all worthy. of help. We are all deserving of help. And for us strong, independent women who find it difficult to ask for help, we have to flip that on its head.

Not just for us, but for our kids, so that they understand that we can ask for help. And it's a gift for both people. I love when I can help my friends. I love when I can do anything for my friends.

I love it. I don't feel like it's a problem. I don't feel like it's an intrusion. I love it.

If a friend says to me, hey, Cheryl, can you help me with, I'm like, yep, let's do it. And so flip it on its head. If you are in a situation where you need help, just think that your true friends want to help you. It's not some kind of requirement or obligation.

They want to help you. And so you have to take that on. we talk about friendships, you know, we have acquaintances and we have friendships and we have a confidant and in my closest friends I have I Have someone who will just call me out on all my shit and always with love and You know never with a condition, but they will call she will call me out and Not hesitate on it.

It's one of those people that you don't always have in your life even in a partner I don't think I've ever really had in a life partner someone who would call me out and be perfectly honest and Just tell me what it is that I'm doing that I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing or I'm doing that maybe is not something that I should be jiving with my personality or how I want to live my life or something I've said that has been off. And when you have those friends, when you have, and I can do the same, I can totally do the same. That is such, that is such a gift.

And I think sometimes I hear of relationships ending because people are calling us out. And I think you need to take a step back because if someone is willing to say, hey, like that wasn't cool, you should not have said that to them, or you should not have done that, or maybe you need to rethink that. If you have somebody in your life who does that purely out of love, purely out of friendship, you need to hang on to that as tight as possible. And it might hurt, and it might feel crappy because your ego's in the way saying, I don't do that wrong.

I didn't do that wrong. I am right in everything. The ego is always right. But if we set our ego aside and really listen to what we're getting called out on, and most of the time in my case, I'm getting called out on not speaking up.

not saying something that's pissed me off to not, you know, just kind of being complacent and that's not who I want to be. That is not who I want to be. So when I get called out on that, yeah, it, you feel that punch in the stomach, slap in the head. But when you think about it, it's such a gift.

You know, we just finished dealing with this, I just finished dealing with this real estate agent looking for somewhere to rent and, you know, in the far future, but looking, just keeping options open. And this agent, first time I met, fantastic. She was great. Second time, not doing their job, making a slate, making promises that she wasn't keeping, blaming us, blaming me for things that have gone wrong that I had nothing to do with, that sort of thing.

And I said nothing. And I said nothing. And I said nothing. And I got called out.

Like, what the hell? Why are you dealing with this? Why are you putting up with this? Oh, My excuse at the time was I just won't deal with her anymore.

I just won't send her any more emails. I just won't But then I thought no like what is happening here. I sent an email. This is not a fit.

I don't You are not meeting my expectations as a realtor. We need to end this contract immediately Guess what? done done And I feel like when you let things like that hang over your head, it's almost like you want to be in this good energy as often as you can, as much as you can. And when you have something hanging over your head, a word left unsaid, a job left undone, you know, a conversation to close, some kind of closure, I feel like there's this energy leak.

because you know in the back of your head there's something to do there. And it might seem very minor, very minor, but When you close the loop, when you close the gap, when you send the email, when you say what you, when you know what you should say, it is so freeing. And it's that in between of, oh, I just want to say something, but I don't. I just want to say something, but I won't.

I'll just leave it. It creates something inside of us that's almost a resistance, almost like it's inner conflict. It might be very minor. But when we stand up for ourselves, when we say, no, I'm not taking this, this is not gonna happen.

Here, this is what I'm gonna say. It's almost like this big weight coming off your shoulders. And when you have a friend who will tell you, you need to do this, you're not taking this. When you have a friend who will do that for you, you need to keep that friend.

And the wonderful thing about COVID, if there was any, it really normalized our ability to connect with people in different ways. So if you've moved away from your friend, if you've just caught so busy, it normalizes a FaceTime, it normalizes a Zoom or a Google Meet. I mean, texting is texting and texting takes three seconds to check in, three seconds to check in. So foster those relationships.

And as we get older, as women, I feel like we always need somebody to adjust our crown when it starts to fall, when we start to falter, when we start to have a little self-doubt about our worth and what we deserve. You need somebody to say, hey, get over here. Straighten that crown. Keep walking.

You're in. You're good. You're fine. You're 100% perfect just the way you are.

You have to have that. It's necessary. So if you, if you have had that, but kind of let it slide, maybe make today, May 29th, the day you pick up your phone and shoot a text. It doesn't matter how much time has passed.

Be the one, be the one to initiate the, Hey, you know what? Just checking in, just saying hi. Maybe from there, it's, can we grab a coffee? Can we do a FaceTime?

And you'll find that when you have those true friends, it's almost like time never passes. You don't have to reconnect. You don't have to get reacquainted. You'll notice, you will jump right into the conversation as if you had a conversation yesterday and the day before.

And this is golden. Your friendships are golden. Relationships, partnerships, marriages, all wonderful. All wonderful.

Not necessary, but wonderful. But a true friendship, even if it's just one, I'm blessed to have a few. But even if it's just one, and for whatever reason you have, just let it slide. Take a few minutes to think about all the wonderful things that you had with that person.

The laughs, the tears, probably had some milestones, probably lost a few people and were able to lean on each other for that. Like all of these really golden moments. Instead of letting it slide, can you be the one to just check in? Hey, how's it going?

Just saying hi. I promise you won't be sorry. And if you don't get a response, you know what? You don't get a response.

But you stepped up. You were the friend who stepped up and reconnected and made the attempt. And maybe you do it once or twice. And if you don't get a response, that's OK.

That's OK. That will then tell you where that friendship has ended or severed, and that's okay. There's probably more than one that you can think of that you can connect with. We need people in our corner.

We need strong, I'm gonna say women, but it doesn't matter. In my case, strong women in our corner to remind us of who we are. and how we walk in the world. and how we are a gift, because sometimes we forget.

And we just need a reminder. So reach out to your friend. Even if it's been years, just send a quick text. Just send a quick phone call.

Send a quick email. It's possible to reignite one of the most important relationships you will ever have. Don't let it slide. I thank you for listening to my ramble on about friendships I will have a shout out happy birthday celeste my good friend who celebrates 60 today and You know, I celebrate all of you women who have these strong friendships and who are striving to maintain them and foster

them and just be there for each other. We need people in our corner. And if we've let it slide, get it back. And if you haven't let it slide and you have that gift that I have, journal your gratitude.

Thank whoever it is you wanna thank about having this amazing, strong connection in your world. Always something to be grateful for. Thank you for listening to WTF. Welcome to Friday.

I will see you next week and just keep loving yourself as much as you love all your other humans. Have a beautiful weekend.