# 101 "Revolutionizing Teen Mental Health Support: School Pulse is Changing the Game for Parents" with Iuri Melo

#ParentingTeens #TeenMentalHealth #selfharmprevention

Welcome back to another transformative episode of "Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's Complex World." In this episode, we dive deep into the world of teen mental health with our extraordinary guest, Iuri Mello. Yuri is a licensed clinical social worker, father of five, and the co-founder of School Pulse, a pioneering student support service that delivers positivity, emotional support, and growth mindset tools via text and email.

Join us as Iuri shares the inspiring story behind the creation of School Pulse, a service born out of the need for proactive mental wellness support following several heartbreaking teen suicides in his community. Discover how School Pulse is reshaping the way we support our youth, offering a lifeline to students across the country.

In this episode, we explore:

• The genesis of School Pulse and its impact on teen mental health.
• The power of proactive engagement and the role of anonymity in supporting teens.
• How School Pulse fosters trust and connection with students.
• The importance of focusing on protective factors and positive psychology.
• Practical insights for parents on enhancing communication with their teens.

This conversation is a must-listen for any parent, educator, or advocate looking to make a meaningful difference in the lives of teenagers. Iuri's work is truly revolutionary, and his insights will leave you feeling hopeful and empowered.

If you found this episode valuable, please share it with other parents, educators, and anyone who cares about the well-being of our youth. Let's spread the word and make a positive impact together!

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Transcript generated by Transcript LOL
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Speaker 1
00:01 - 00:40
Welcome back to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice, redefined for today's complex world, where we explore bold, compassionate conversations that shift how we raise and relate to our teens. Today's guest is someone whose work is saving lives, reshaping how we support our youth. I'm telling you, this stuff is revolutionary. Gary Mello is a licensed clinical social worker, father of five, the co-founder of School Pulse, a groundbreaking student support service that delivers positivity, emotional support, and growth mindset tools via text and email.

Speaker 1
00:41 - 01:20
After several heartbreaking teen suicides in his community, Gary launched School Pulse in 2017 to offer proactive mental wellness support to students across the country. He is the author of Mind Over Gray Matter and Know Thy Selfie. And he brings deep passion for human psychology, kindness and connection to over 300 schools in more than 25 states. I am so honored and so excited to welcome Yuri today as we talk about supporting teen mental health, proactively building resilience and powerful ways we can show up for our kids before the crisis hits.

Speaker 1
01:20 - 01:25
Welcome, Yuri. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Cheryl, let's rock and roll, sister.

Speaker 1
01:25 - 01:32
I'm excited as well. I appreciate your, yeah, you're just, you're bringing it right now. I love it. I'm excited.

Speaker 1
01:33 - 01:54
You know, and I wanna know, I mean, before we even get into it, you know, you're into this growth mindset, as am I, and I think, you know, we don't even have to, like looking at your videos and the work that you do, I feel like it's like interwoven in everything. So my first question to you, Yuri, is, What was the download? What was the message?

Speaker 1
01:54 - 02:11
What is it that hit you that said, Yuri, this is what you need to do? Yeah, I mean, you kind of talked about it just a little bit, right? Which was kind of the tragedy that we experienced here. And you and I have spoken a little bit, but I honestly just live in a beautiful place, Sheryl.

Speaker 1
02:11 - 02:38
Like, it is phenomenal. And about seven years ago, when we had seven student suicides that hit our community in these high schools, And that was really the genesis when a principal came to me and said, hey, I'll be honest here. Like, I don't believe I have anything that is proactive. I feel like I'm literally just waiting for this crisis to happen and then reacting.

Speaker 1
02:38 - 03:01
Right. And trying to do the best I can to deal with the fallout that's occurring in my community. that's occurring in my school. And that was really the beginning of a conversation that ultimately led us to finding ways to proactively engage students, whether it be via text or email or through our tools that we provide to schools.

Speaker 1
03:02 - 03:22
But that was really the start. And then I kind of got together with the other co-founder, Trent Staley, who's just a software engineering Genius and he and I kind of decided on the idea of like, well, let's not just create resources. Let's find a way to deliver them proactively. And then years after that.

Speaker 1
03:24 - 03:55
while we were delivering some of these texts to students, we noticed that they were engaging back. At that point, we weren't even talking back, but they were engaging back with kind of our service. And that's when we decided, hey, what if we put somebody else on the line, on the line meeting over text and just begin to respond? And that's when we really started I think, to see the potential impact that we could have, right?

Speaker 1
03:55 - 04:34
All the way from, you know, kids who were, you know, struggling with suicidal ideation or homicidal ideation or self-harm or reporting physical or sexual abuse or dealing with school shootings or whatever it is. Like, I mean, all of this was coming in and not all the time, right? I mean, I don't want to present that I mean, this is like 90% of our conversations, because the reality is it's only about 10% of our engagement with students is focused on crisis. The other 85% to 90% is really students reporting how life is good, how they're graduating, how they pass their classes, or how they're overwhelmed or burned out.

Speaker 1
04:35 - 04:52
But it's just awesome. There's just such a powerful idealism that teens bring to this world, honestly. I mean, they've made me a better person without a doubt. I mean, and that's not just my own kids, but other people.

Speaker 1
04:55 - 05:11
It's just been so fun. There's nothing like walking into a middle school or high school and just feeling that incredible energy in that building. And I think when I was a young teen, that stuff just scared the heck out of me. I was incredibly intimidated by that.

Speaker 1
05:13 - 05:27
But now I'm old. I don't care anymore. And so I walk in and I'm just like, yes, like, this is incredible in here. But I think as a young boy, I was like, this is kind of scary stuff.

Speaker 1
05:27 - 05:36
But anyways, I don't know. That's kind of what I think. And I can't agree with you more. I worked with teens for like, you know, 25 years.

Speaker 1
05:37 - 06:22
And it used to, and this is part of the reason why the podcast and doing the parent advocate stuff is because it's too many times I heard a parent say, oh my God, I just can't wait till they're 18. Oh my God, I just can't wait till they're out of the house. Or walking around the high school and teachers going, oh my God, these whatever, uh Millennials, whatever it is. They yeah, yeah bumped into one like group of whatever and And i'm like, oh my god, but these guys are amazing like teens when when they drop their Their mask and they know they can trust you and they know you're actually there to hear them Like it just

Speaker 1
06:22 - 06:35
changes the whole game And I'd love to know, like, why do you think you started this texting thing? And you're like, oh, they actually started responding. Why? Why do you think they're responding?

Speaker 1
06:36 - 06:45
What is it about that? They're engaging. Because mom texting son is like, oh, I love you. Have a wonderful day.

Speaker 1
06:46 - 06:52
And if everything happens, and the kid's like, yeah, OK. Lame. Like, K. K, if you're lucky, four days later.

Speaker 1
06:53 - 07:08
So I want to know what it is about this school pulse that kids are engaging. Why are they engaging with you? That's a fabulous question. And I will say, too, because I mean, I'm a dad.

Speaker 1
07:10 - 07:23
you know, texts with punctuation and periods, and I hear it from my kids, like, why, dad, don't put a period at the end of that text. Like, that's so, I love it. I absolutely love all of it. Like, I love their lingo.

Speaker 1
07:23 - 07:46
I love their slang. Like, it just makes me laugh. But I think that there is something kind of unique about our texting service. And I will say, like, I mean, we so, for example, like when a student participates, and they actually just scan something like that, they scan that and they literally get a text that just says, hey, welcome to School Pulse.

Speaker 1
07:47 - 08:05
And from there on, we begin our weekly campaign. So every Tuesday and every Friday, we deliver content to our students. Every Tuesday, our awesome videos, our inspirational videos. And then on Friday, other inspiring and obviously like evidence-based content goes out to them.

Speaker 1
08:06 - 08:16
But we just ask questions. And of course, teams don't respond to everything we send, right? They realize that it's kind of a service. But every once in a while, they do.

Speaker 1
08:17 - 08:41
And when they do, our goal is we kind of have, so we have this team of professionals and trained paraprofessionals that engage with these students. It's my pit crew, or it's the positive interaction team. And we kind of have this motto. And our motto is that every interaction is a positive interaction, whether that interaction is F you, you guys are so lame.

Speaker 1
08:41 - 09:07
How do I jump off of this? Or how do I, or other inappropriate things that teens will somehow write, right? But for us, once again, every engagement represent is a positive thing because it gives us the opportunity to present what we actually do, right? Which is we greet students with enthusiasm, no matter what they bring.

Speaker 1
09:08 - 09:20
Like we thank them for being there. We ask them questions. We don't jump into advice or you need to fix this. It's not condemning, it's gentle, it's kind, it's reassuring.

Speaker 1
09:21 - 09:41
We cheer for them. And I think once kids begin to realize that, right, and like you said, right, they begin, they have, when they begin to predict, right, that this is what's gonna happen every time they reach out to us, which is what trust is, right? It's our ability to predict. then kids begin to open up a little bit.

Speaker 1
09:41 - 09:58
And we have kids that will immediately jump on, like straight into like, here's what's going on in my life. And then we have others who, you know, just ease or poke at the system or try to figure out, is this like a real person or is this AI? And it's so fun. It's so fun.

Speaker 1
09:58 - 10:03
So it's never a robot. It's never a robot. It's not AI at all. It's not AI at all.

Speaker 1
10:03 - 10:27
These are like real people. Of course, the texts, I mean, that we send out, I mean, I create all those, I kind of create all the content, but the moment that they begin to engage, it's live person, 365, 8 a.m. to midnight, it's pretty incredible. And anything you can imagine, right, all the way from just life is great to life is not great.

Speaker 1
10:28 - 10:56
And I think I'm going to kill myself. It can get intense really quickly. The other thing, I'll say one more quick thing, Cheryl, sorry, but I think the other thing that not just the proactivity, the fact that we're popping these teens on the shoulder a couple of times a week, but the anonymity does make a difference. We're dealing with minors, of course, and that can be a little controversial, I have to say.

Speaker 1
10:58 - 11:13
But part of that protection, right, is that it's anonymous, right? We don't know who this teen is. We know which school they go to specifically. And so when students come to us and they report whatever, right?

Speaker 1
11:14 - 11:31
Physical or sexual abuse, or they're having homicidal ideation or suicidal ideation, or they're struggling with substance abuse or substance misuse or whatever it is, right? We don't know who that student is unless they tell us. And that's part of our services. That's part of that safety, right?

Speaker 1
11:32 - 11:45
That allows them to reach out and to feel safe about that service is we don't know who they are. And so when students come to us, with those really critical issues. Yeah, we engage with that student. Obviously, we love them.

Speaker 1
11:45 - 12:00
We provide support for them. We give them everything, every resource available. But our goal, ultimately, is to get these remarkable kids and connect them to their families. Connect this to their parents, their guardians, whoever's caring for them.

Speaker 1
12:01 - 12:18
And then in addition to that, we do everything in our power to connect them to the professionals at the school who can then intervene. And I would say that that's about 85% of our interact or interventions happened through the school. That's the way the students would rather go. And then it goes to, and then it goes to the parents.

Speaker 1
12:18 - 12:30
So we've been incredibly successful, but it's. Yeah, I think that that's what makes it so approachable is number one, we're predictable. They know exactly what they're going to get. We come to them.

Speaker 1
12:30 - 12:43
And then the anonymity, once again, I think kind of just that's the icing on top. And they feel like, OK, like. I can come, and they'll ask the question, right? I mean, they want to know, like, so do you know my name?

Speaker 1
12:43 - 12:48
Do you know who I am? Do you know? And we just say, no, we don't know who you are. We know which school you go to.

Speaker 1
12:49 - 13:08
And if you want to, if you want us to connect you to somebody there, we'd love to, love, love, love to. So how does that work through, like, logistically, through a text number? How does that work? Yeah, so when they opt into the service, right, so like I said, I mean, this is just an example of how it would work.

Speaker 1
13:08 - 13:22
And we put, you know, kind of these posters throughout the school. And a lot of times I'll do kind of virtual assemblies for schools throughout the country and encourage students to participate. And of course, it's not mandatory. I mean, whoever wants to participate can.

Speaker 1
13:22 - 13:41
We have other ways of reaching kids, too. But the way that it works is, I mean, it works through Twilio. Twilio is basically the company, but it's anonymous to us. We don't have the ability to see who that person is that scans this number.

Speaker 1
13:42 - 14:11
And so it's, it's truly an anonymous service that allows us to provide that we, we give schools access to see the engagement. So schools are aware, but unless the students self identifies. we don't know who it is. That's kind of part of our philosophy to get students to participate and to get meaningful and quality conversations is we have to provide that.

Speaker 1
14:12 - 14:40
Go ahead. I was just going to say, as you talk about anonymity and there's that whole other side Of, I'm going to say, like, being on your phone, but there's that other side of social media. So there's those kids who will be in their room and they'll be bullying and they'll be like, because they know it's completely anonymous, but aren't they brave. Aren't they brave?

Speaker 1
14:41 - 15:04
Well, look at this is a, this is like using your power for good instead of evil. They can be brave with you. Like, it makes sense to me that they would really start opening up to you because they do in their rooms when they're, you know. Not that all kids do this, but I was talking about this Netflix series I'm doing a review of on the podcast.

Speaker 1
15:05 - 15:24
And these kids are just hiding in their rooms, and they're just tormenting each other, tormenting each other because they're not face to face. They can be cowards behind the screen. And I mean, they can be brave on the screen and on the device. And I feel like it's almost the same with you, but in such a great way.

Speaker 1
15:24 - 15:57
Like, oh, I can be so brave with this guy or this company or whoever I'm talking to the team. I can be brave with them because there's no risk here. And I think that's brilliant, like brilliant. And Cheryl, I'll share a quick, I mean, we have so many, like, in my mind, like, Nobel Prize winning, the stuff that we see in here is just fabulous.

Speaker 1
15:57 - 16:49
But I can think of over the years, Not very many, I'll be honest, but a few, a few students. And actually, I would actually say that there's kind of a solid percentage, right? Of students that when they begin the service, there is a lot of that kind of testing and where they are inappropriate with our team, right? They are mean, cruel, Inappropriate sexually explicit meaning they're saying things like that to our team And of course, I mean we are I mean we we've had I mean we do trainings Um, but I remember one individual specifically Um, and I don't I don't know what was going

Speaker 1
16:49 - 17:39
on with this kiddo but he was His engagement with our team was it was well it was sad really is what it was but but he was inappropriate cruel unkind i mean just and there was like no let up and we're not talking like oh like a few texts here and there like we're talking like almost on the daily right like where he would communicate and just say really cruel things to our male and female team, right? And we answer as a team, we answer as a committee, which is actually one of the benefits of our team. And I remember having conversations with my team about, like, should we, like, should we remove this student from the service?

Speaker 1
17:39 - 17:52
Because it didn't matter what we did. And honestly, like, part of my engagement with the team is like, look, We really don't need to engage that much. We just need to say, hey, we're happy you're here. Just let us know if we can help.

Speaker 1
17:52 - 18:02
Because after a while, the team wants to try. They're idealists too. They're optimistic. OK, but maybe if I say something or if I engage in a positive way or if I do this.

Speaker 1
18:02 - 18:20
And to be honest, in the large majority, that is exactly what happens. We greet them with kindness, with gentle, with compassion, with enthusiasm, with friendliness, right? And they reflect that back over time. But this kid was not doing that, right, for a long period of time.

Speaker 1
18:21 - 18:46
And for me, first of all, right, I mean, this is like the age of school shootings, right? In my mind, I'm thinking like, we absolutely need to keep this kid on. Because I mean, his language is so violent, so vile. And so in my mind, I'm thinking like, this is part of the service that we're offering this school is is we're finding a way to provide some positivity, some positive to the student.

Speaker 1
18:47 - 18:55
And we had, but I remember as a team, we had that conversation. Should we keep the student on? Should we take them off? And at the end of that conversation, we decided to keep that student on and we kept them on.

Speaker 1
18:55 - 19:16
And there's no necessarily rainbow finish to this story. There was an incremental progress. There was incremental progress with that student. And there were a couple of times when we were able to reach that student a little bit, but then it was kind of back to inappropriate.

Speaker 1
19:19 - 19:45
But I actually feel, interestingly enough, like, I mean, we've had incredible outcomes. But I would actually even say like on our team, I feel like that was one of our greatest accomplishments. Like he was, he was very challenging, but I'm absolutely grateful and honored that, that we were able to serve. And this was like for a couple of years, like where we were providing that support to this individual student.

Speaker 1
19:45 - 20:10
So yeah, it's powerful. It's, it's definitely a work of optimism and hope. Um, when I think of that, sorry, it pops into my head that when I think of that, it's almost like this guy, this student, this is like, I'm waiting for you to give up on me. I'm waiting for you to give up on me.

Speaker 1
20:10 - 20:19
Come on, give up on me. Everybody else does. This is how somebody talks to me all day long, you know? And, and I'm a big believer.

Speaker 1
20:21 - 20:37
that behavior is so secondary. It's so secondary. Behavior is just a way of communicating to you. I just can't meet that expectation, whether it's on me or somebody else, I just can't meet it.

Speaker 1
20:37 - 21:04
And so the behavior comes, nobody, nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to have a meltdown at high school. Nobody wants to, pull out a gun, like, nobody wants to do that. But when they can't communicate how they're feeling when they don't, you know, when you it, that's how it comes out in my mind in my eyes, like, we all just yeah, it's a manifestation, right?

Speaker 1
21:04 - 21:23
Yeah, yeah, it's a manifestation. Yeah, of our, our behaviors is a manifestation of whatever is happening internally, internally to us, right? It's And you're right, like, I mean, we have no idea. Right what was going on and this student didn't let on a whole lot.

Speaker 1
21:23 - 21:46
We definitely have others who do right. I mean, we do have others that once. You know, once they hear that kind word from us and they recognize that that's exactly what they're going to get, regardless of what they say, we do have some other really extraordinary events. But that one is just one that sticks out to me just because of just how it was just really challenging for our team.

Speaker 1
21:47 - 22:15
I mean, I think we had I think we predominantly for that team, I'll be honest, I think we have a tendency to hire women. I think honestly, because women are just better communicators, number one. And I think women just, well, I don't know, this is gonna sound a little generalizing or maybe even sexist, but that's just what we've noticed. Like I think they just connect well.

Speaker 1
22:17 - 22:27
And they're very kind and compassionate. They can be right, just like everybody else. But at the same time, I think that's where it so that was really difficult for them. Right.

Speaker 1
22:28 - 23:20
I think the attempt to connect with this individual. And he wouldn't allow right he was just like like a locked house full of just like bile like and so um, I wanted to protect our team too, right because I want them to be Functioning at the you know in a fun happy and and once again 99.9 of the time It is an extraordinary environment, uh, and I will say I mean we have pages upon pages upon pages of just, you know, little statements that we've taken from students of them just being grateful and kind back and thankful and So we just have, even though we're dealing with this like 10 teen mental health crisis, right?

Speaker 1
23:20 - 23:45
Which at least here in the U S that actually throughout the world a little bit, right. This, this uncertain time for kids. I just find that they're exceptional. Like I'm so unbelievably hopeful and optimistic for them, even though, like I said, in this age of social media with phones, I think we're now just beginning to understand, uh, the negative impact of that.

Speaker 1
23:46 - 24:13
And yet I'm fully confident that they're going to find a way. They're going to find a way to figure out like, how are we going to deal with this and not have it like us become these social idiots like who don't know how to engage in the world and or how to have any sort of emotional muscle right to just endure through the challenge of hard things and continue on in a hopeful and optimistic way. But They're going to do it.

Speaker 1
24:13 - 24:26
They're going to do it. Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. And as I'm thinking about the texting, I'm thinking of parents going at home going, Oh, well, I can, I can just start texting my kid. I can just start texting.

Speaker 1
24:26 - 24:57
Listen, I was in the education system for 25 years and my kids, my son in high school, I was at the same board of education, literally the same board. So not only did they think I was born 40 with no experience, no life experience, didn't know anything. All my whole job was to boss them around. There's this one time I got a call, you know, at that time schools would phone the parents if the kids didn't show up for school.

Speaker 1
24:58 - 25:05
And I got a call. No, your son's not at school today. It's like, what the hell? So I called them.

Speaker 1
25:06 - 25:17
Buddy, what are you doing? He goes, oh, mom, it's a PD day, professional development day. I said, do you know what I do for a living? Well, yeah, yeah, you're a teacher.

Speaker 1
25:17 - 25:27
I said, do you know what board I work for? Oh, yeah, yeah. So if you have a PD day, then, buddy, I have a PD day. And I don't have a PD day.

Speaker 1
25:27 - 26:16
And if anyone needs more schooling right now, it's got to be you. But you know, so this, so this, this comes to me because it is a different relationship, like parents are there to 100%. But I feel like that whole other angle that you take with this, I think is vital like i think you know it's just how kids feel about their parents are very different and there's also that whole level of i don't want to upset my mom i don't want to piss off my dad i don't want that'll make me feel guilty or that so this i love that you do this and this is a whole different angle and i and i just can you say more about that to parents who are thinking oh i can i

Speaker 1
26:16 - 26:56
just text my kids and stuff Well, and they can, and my goal is to exactly do that, right? There's no doubt in my mind, and this is not just for teens, but adults as a whole, right? That our positive relationships, I mean, are the most important factor, period, like in our overall short-term and long-term happiness. And so our goal is, is to help those teens build those relationships with their primary network, of course, with parents, siblings, etc. and other adults around them.

Speaker 1
26:56 - 27:13
Like we, yeah, we are not here to enter into some form of competition. Our goal is to always promote that. Like, in fact, a lot of our videos are about that, but you're absolutely right. I mean, it's just like when I send, like I, when I send, I really, I shouldn't take credit.

Speaker 1
27:13 - 27:36
It was really my wife, but like all of our kids have kind of gone through a piano throughout their years and they've done other sports, whether it be soccer, et cetera, other things like that. But, But there's just a different relationship. When you send a kid to a teacher, when you send them to a coach, or a teacher at school, or an administrator at school, those are different relationships. And those are valuable.

Speaker 1
27:37 - 27:56
And they need to learn how to navigate those as well. And so there is a little bit, I think sometimes parents, myself included, I won't take myself off that list. I think we can feel a bit uncertain. because we can't fully control those engagements, right?

Speaker 1
27:57 - 28:31
Other than we, like I said, we provide full transparency to schools about what we do. But I understand that parents can be a bit nervous or they feel like we're kind of encroaching upon something that we shouldn't be. And that's a big issue here. I think in the US that you see is we have a lot of parents You know, who look at schools and the amount of kind of mental health type related content that's going out to students here in the US, we call it like social and emotional learning or

Speaker 1
28:31 - 28:41
student wellness or student mental health. But honestly, and in some states. Like, that's very welcome. And in others, it's not.

Speaker 1
28:43 - 29:00
In others, parents will feel like, that's not why we're sending our kids to school. Like, just focus on academics, please, and nothing else. And other schools are like, well, yes, we can do that. While at the same time, we can reinforce and provide kids with extraordinary enrichment content.

Speaker 1
29:01 - 29:40
Not only can we enhance the culture and the climate of our school, but we can actually enhance their academic achievement. And so that's actually what we do, like we approach schools, I would say in a very, well, in a very, what's the word that I would use there? It's not neutral. but in a way that's non-threatening and in a way that helps that is meant to enhance student success instead of really be kind of highly mental health focused and so because in a way like we realize that there's there's going to be some pushback there and we're trying

Speaker 1
29:41 - 30:13
to avoid that and so a lot of our content is meant to enhance joy which the research would show that success revolves around happiness. It revolves around our wellness instead of the other way around. And so when students are happier, when they feel better, their outlook is better, their optimism is better, they perform better for longer, they retain information better, they make better decisions. So that's really what we try to bring to a school.

Speaker 1
30:13 - 30:33
And that's the way that we approach it with parents because We want to let them know, like, hey, we're here to just take the incredible good that you're already doing, the blood, sweat, and tears that you're putting into this child. And we just want to enhance it. We want to multiply the goodness. And we have that ability, which is really cool.

Speaker 1
30:34 - 30:48
But it's a challenge. And I actually understand that. We're very respectful of that. We just want to provide content that that schools feel proud of and unafraid to share with parents.

Speaker 1
30:48 - 31:11
And so for example, one of the very first things that we do share when we walk into a school is we ask the school to launch. We have an email campaign that goes out every Tuesday, right? And we have the school that's, they sign up all of the parents. And so every Tuesday, these parents get one of our student success videos, right?

Speaker 1
31:12 - 31:36
And for example, like, I mean, obviously it's the end of the school year for a lot of students. And so we've had not just videos about, you know, how to have a successful summer or three things that I need to do to have a great summer or towards the end of the year, like we had specific videos on how to deal with burnout or, you know, how to finish your year like a boss and just have all of these teams. And our goal is to put these in the hands of parents.

Speaker 1
31:37 - 31:58
so that they have these little tools that they can utilize with their children. And so we realize that to truly bless the lives of students, we really have to provide some support to parents as well. And that's what we try to do. Well, and I look at the whole approach as, and I wrote down right at the top of my notes here, it's like it's holistic.

Speaker 1
31:58 - 32:22
Like you're getting the teachers, you're getting the administrators, you're getting the parents, you're getting the kids. from every angle, which is phenomenal, I think. I would love to ask you, why are our kids, it feels like they're struggling so much more with mental health right now. And it's funny as you talk about giving them these skills.

Speaker 1
32:23 - 32:49
When I hear the word resilient, I think about COVID and the pandemic. and resilient is bouncing back to normal. And I started hating that word because it's never going to be normal. Like it's, but I feel like the skill of equanimity is like, that's the skill we need to teach the kids because then they don't need to worry so much about resilience and bouncing back to normal because it's normal.

Speaker 1
32:49 - 32:55
I don't know what normal is. Right? Like, and so. Oh, I love it.

Speaker 1
32:55 - 33:21
Let's get into this because I, I actually want to, I'm okay with the word resilience, but I think you're right. Like I think, and psychology does this all the time. And sometimes it's absolutely maddening to me, but well, and maybe it's not even psychology, but it's almost kind of like, it almost becomes pop psychology, right? There's like, they're like key words, like, and all of a sudden it's resilience, everything, right?

Speaker 1
33:21 - 33:30
Or- Trigger, trigger, trigger. Resiliency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I honestly, I honestly feel I'll just, well, and these are just my thoughts.

Speaker 1
33:30 - 33:40
I want to be very clear. Like I, these are just ideas. We're having a great discussion about it. I actually feel like sometimes I understand why parents are concerned.

Speaker 1
33:41 - 34:06
Sometimes when we talk about mental health, because I think, I think we talk about, well, it's not that we talk about it too much. It's that we. I think teens are becoming almost overly comfortable with mental illness. And, and it's almost like, how do I say this?

Speaker 1
34:08 - 34:39
It's almost like, I mean, number one, they're like, overly diagnosing themselves, right? I think there is a huge focus on this, on the negative, right? I'm depressed or I'm anxious and they throw out these diagnosis, right? It really, we have to consider this concept that our words matter, like the things we tell ourselves matter incredibly.

Speaker 1
34:40 - 34:50
And in fact, there's a great line, a couple of great lines from, uh, I want to say what's the play into the woods. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's a couple of great lines in there. Right.

Speaker 1
34:50 - 35:00
And it says that, that words are spells, words are children. They grow. Right. And this doesn't just mean things that we're telling other people, right.

Speaker 1
35:00 - 35:23
It's the things we tell ourselves. And so for me, it's really important, like all of our content, the things that we send out to teams, I think what you'll find is that it's very non-diagnosable language. Like I'm not talking about diagnoses, I'm talking about it. In fact, I'll go to that too.

Speaker 1
35:24 - 36:10
This is something that we've found as well. and that psychology is trying to fix a little bit, is I believe that psychology has actually been fixated on mental illness forever. So when you're talking about that resilience, right, you're talking about getting back to normal, and that's almost like psychology has focused for a long time right on just relieving suffering right is diagnosing a disorder whether it be a major depressive disorder obsessive compulsive disorder or trauma or whatever it is and then getting people to get back to to center right and i think what we've seen over the past, I don't know, 60, 70 years is actually psychology shifted.

Speaker 1
36:10 - 36:28
This is kind of called the fourth wave of psychology, psychology shifting from not just relieving suffering for normal, but talking about the other side of the continuum, which is positive psychology, right? It's the study of human flourishing. It's the study of joy. It's the study of happiness.

Speaker 1
36:28 - 37:10
It's the study of purpose and meaning and helping people to do that. And so I think a lot of the study of psychology isn't just about resilience or getting back to zero. It's the study of growth, evolution, of joy, of flourishing. And that's what we really want to bring to schools, actually, is our goal is let's get out of this, like, high focus on on the deficiencies of human nature and instead let's talk about how even despite some of these challenges which of course we face and people will

Speaker 1
37:10 - 37:55
face let's talk about are there instead of just focusing on the risk factors can we talk about the protective factors and teach our kids the kinds of things that will actually prevent or protect them from suicide or protect them from the kinds of mindsets that could be dramatically negative for them. And so I, and I think social media has been a contributor to that, right? Where we have these, these teens who, who love to, like, it does feel good to identify.

Speaker 1
37:55 - 38:12
It's just unfortunate because we're often identifying with the wrong thing. We're misidentifying. Like, it feels real, thinks real, just happens to not be real. And anyways, it's a complicated, nuanced conversation.

Speaker 1
38:12 - 38:45
I'm glad we're having it. I don't even know if I've come to terms with it fully yet myself. I just know that I don't want to spend my time in risk factors. I want to spend 90% of my time in protective factors and helping kids lead joyous, Adventurous living deep suck in the marrow of life kind of stuff Because I know that that will protect them from this or help them to bounce back quicker from those times So anyways,

Speaker 1
38:45 - 39:27
like yeah Yeah, no, and we're not giving them a life that they have to recover from yeah Right and I feel like when you talk when we talk about the mental health child and I am not diminishing. I am not diminishing for 1 second, but I feel like to sometimes we're talking about it so much. It normalizes things so when a kid is actually in crisis. You know, then we have 20 kids who are in crisis and we have one kid who's in crisis and we have now a 72 hour wait in the in the crisis units where the kids who.

Speaker 1
39:28 - 40:01
need this are now waiting three weeks for treatment, six weeks for treatment because we've got, it's almost normalized. There's no like, oh, this is the kid we need to take in right now because, oh, you know, these other kids are using the same language. And I find that so hard in both, and it's negative for everybody. It's negative because, you know, I feel like sometimes a kid, if they self-diagnose or they get a diagnosis, it validates how they feel immediately.

Speaker 1
40:01 - 40:18
It almost feels like immediate relief. Okay, that's what it is. And now I can take a medication or now I can do it. But if we're over here in the protective factor, we're becoming way more aware of how we feel, way more aware of what our thoughts are.

Speaker 1
40:18 - 41:05
And that's not a mental health disease, like kids who are seriously struggling with bipolar or, you know, multiple personality, whatever, you know, and I feel like that's, that's, you know, I feel like that's such a hard issue. I mean, I've had kids in the school who, like, went in, like, major crisis, major crisis, like, put their hands through wires of windows and wrestled to the ground. And we're out in 24 hours because there's just not enough time. But there's a whole unit ward in the hospital full of kids who maybe shouldn't be there, but they're using the same language.

Speaker 1
41:05 - 41:21
Like, I just feel like it all gets melded together. I don't even know where to start with that, but it just feels like. You're really right, Cheryl. And I think these are important, but you're right.

Speaker 1
41:21 - 41:36
I think these issues are so, they are complex. They are complex to the point where it is really difficult to come to kind of a nice solution, right? It's really challenging to do that. Of course.

Speaker 1
41:39 - 41:59
And I think what we want to provide schools, and I mean, I'm even thinking, I mean, just in individual therapy, because, you know, for the past 20 years, and I'm still doing that is I. I get to do individual therapy, which is honestly so awesome. It's just so awesome. I love to meet with people.

Speaker 1
41:59 - 42:36
It's absolutely been a privilege in my life to do that and to just get to know the good and some of the struggle that they're dealing with on a daily basis. But I'm very, very, very cautious whenever I'm talking to someone around the language of diagnosis. And I'll often tell people, I'll say, look, I'm willing to talk about a diagnosis, but only if it's helpful, like only if it allows and gives us a direction on how to proceed and how to figure out a way to solve that. But I think right now, right?

Speaker 1
42:38 - 43:11
I think we're jumping to those terms very quickly. And I actually don't feel, I think we're actually doing a bit of a disservice in that regard, because I think teens jump to that, right? And then it almost becomes this kind of self-fulfilling type prophecy piece where they begin to identify with their disorder. And that being the majority of who they are, when that's just like, man, we're just talking about a piece of that, who you are.

Speaker 1
43:11 - 43:30
Like, yes, this may be happening. Yeah, exactly. It's almost to the point where when they're happy, they feel like they're betraying who they really are. And so they feel like happiness is faking it.

Speaker 1
43:31 - 44:00
Sadness is really who I am. And that's just unbelievably untrue. Like that cannot be true. And so, but, but I've noticed that with kids a lot is, and adults as well, by the way, like, I think we, we can just become so convinced that we are these rigid creatures when the reality is like, I feel like our, The best thing about us is

Speaker 1
44:00 - 44:18
our adaptability and our evolution. It's not the survival of the fittest, it's survival of the most adaptable for sure. And that's who we are. We have this unbelievable Ferrari up here that is the most sophisticated thing in the universe.

Speaker 1
44:19 - 44:31
But we often write, once again, we feel very rigid. Well, this is just who I am. This is who you married. This is, you know, and that's just, I don't believe that that's true at all actually.

Speaker 1
44:31 - 44:58
I wouldn't agree with you more. Yuri, I would love to, and we talked about this before doing a second episode, and I feel like we're going down a path that requires a second episode that will come with a disclaimer that we will be talking about some real serious crisis issues because it needs to be talked about. But as we wrap up this episode in the, you know, Proactive.

Speaker 1
44:58 - 45:12
Positive. Yes, let's do that. But I want, if you could just, from step one to step two, a parent hears about this, and this might be just audio, so they can't scan your QR code if it's audio. Sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1
45:13 - 45:22
What do they do? Parents hear about you, or the school hears about you, administrator hears about you, kid hears about you. Step one, step two, step three, what do we do? I love it.

Speaker 1
45:23 - 45:37
I think the easiest way to reach out to me is, I mean, you can email me directly and I can provide that for you. My name is Yuri. It's I-U-R-I. It phonetically makes no sense, but it's just yuri at schoolpulse.org.

Speaker 1
45:38 - 45:55
You can also go to our website at schoolpulse.org and see what we're doing there. Cheryl, I'll share with you some of our videos, our mental health resource. We've put together the most comprehensive student wellness resource in the world. Like, it's true.

Speaker 1
45:55 - 46:09
I know that that sounds so cliche and like, but it's really true. Like, we've just put it together, honestly, because There isn't great stuff out there. And we've found a lot of schools and districts who had no resources at all. And so we just put it together.

Speaker 1
46:10 - 46:21
We created it. And our goal is, well, one of our fun objectives is to just make this totally available. And parents, you can go look at our videos. Teens, you can go look at our videos.

Speaker 1
46:21 - 46:37
You can go look at our resources. You don't have to put in your email or subscribe or download anything. Just go look at them, utilize them. you'll see videos there all the way from like, you know, helping kids how to not overthink or help them to finish out their year well.

Speaker 1
46:37 - 46:46
That was what I watched yesterday, overthinking, setting goals, burnout. Oh yeah, it was great. They're great. They're like bite-sized and you get to the heart of it.

Speaker 1
46:46 - 47:08
I love those videos. They're so valuable. And that's really why we wanted to create it in Writers. Not only did we want to give teens a tool for them specifically that would be attractive to them, but we wanted to give parents something that they could utilize with their kids in an easy way, in a friendly way, and hopefully in a way that's not too cringy

Speaker 1
47:08 - 47:16
and that's fun. And you guys can just access those. Those are there for you. Those are for you to share with your listeners, if you will.

Speaker 1
47:17 - 47:36
And if a school wants to reach out to us, We would just absolutely love it. We can have an impact from day one, like day one, and it's not going to feel like. It's one more thing that you need to do. We really are coming in for your support.

Speaker 1
47:37 - 48:07
We're gonna come, we're gonna multiply your efforts, we're gonna reach deeper, we're gonna reach better, and we're just gonna help you to reach your own objectives. And so that's what I would say. Hope that's okay. And everything is going in the show notes, but listeners i'm coming from the angle of a parent i'm coming from the angle of a parent advocate i'm coming from the parent the angle of special education specialist And guidance counselor and i'm telling you this is not just another

Speaker 1
48:07 - 48:22
thing to do This is I said at the beginning i'll say it again yuri. This is revolutionary. This is definitely changing lives and it changed mine. Just meeting you, it changed mine going through those videos and I feel like we just need to dive in even more.

Speaker 1
48:22 - 48:32
This is great stuff and I am so grateful for the work you're doing for our kids. It is, I'm just super grateful. Thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for your kind words.

Speaker 1
48:32 - 48:41
That's really awesome, Caroline. And absolutely, if we've got a round two coming, let's, let's do it. Let's dive into it. I love it.

Speaker 1
48:41 - 48:59
Thank you again for listening to Parenting Teens Advice Redefined. I am so grateful that you spent some time with us and that would be even more grateful if you shared this with people. You have to know a teen or you have to know someone who knows a teen and you could be that one caring adult in their world. So share this.

Speaker 1
49:00 - 49:11
Thank you for listening. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode. I hope you loved this one as much as I did.

Speaker 1
49:11 - 49:46
And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids.

Speaker 1
49:47 - 49:56
Because here's the truth. The transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm. We will rediscover your power.

Speaker 1
49:56 - 50:11
We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call.

Speaker 1
50:11 - 50:20
There's no pitch. There's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way.

Speaker 1
50:21 - 50:38
And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes. Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.