#105 "Parenting Teens: Strategies to Keep Your Child Safe from Gangs and Destructive Paths" With Richard Ramos

#ParentingTeens #TeenAdvice #RichardRRamos

Welcome to another enlightening episode of "Parenting Teens: Advice Redefined for Today's Complex World." In this episode, we dive deep into the heart of parenting with our special guest, Richard Ramos, founder of Parents on a Mission and author of the impactful book by the same name. Richard shares his journey from growing up in Northeast Los Angeles to becoming a beacon of hope for families dealing with the challenges of raising teenagers in environments prone to gangs and destructive paths.

Discover the profound message behind "If the flowers are wilting, talk to the gardener," and learn how to be the gardener in your teen's life. Richard discusses the importance of building connection, trust, and character from the inside out, and how parents can reclaim their voice and reconnect with their teens.

We explore the signs that your child might be getting involved with the wrong crowd, the difference between prevention and intervention, and the critical role of emotional maturity in parenting. Richard also shares practical strategies for parents to prevent gang involvement and how to intervene if your child is already involved.

Join us for this insightful conversation and learn how to transform your parenting approach to create a stronger, more meaningful relationship with your teen.

Richard Ramos - Audio.wav
Transcript generated by Transcript LOL
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Speaker 1
00:01 - 00:25
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice, redefined for today's complex world. I am so grateful that you're here listening or watching us today. And this is going to be a really spectacular episode because today's guest is a man on a mission. Literally, Richard Ramis is the founder of Parents on a Mission and the author of the powerful book by the same name.

Speaker 1
00:25 - 00:52
He's worked with thousands of families, schools, and communities to help parents reclaim their voice, reconnect with their teen, and keep them from being pulled into gangs or destructive paths. His message is simple but profound. If the flowers are wilting, talk to the gardener. Today, we are digging into what really means to be the gardener in your teen's life and how to build connection, trust, and character from the inside out.

Speaker 1
00:53 - 00:59
Welcome, Richard. I'm so happy you're here. Well, thank you for inviting me, Cheryl. I really appreciate being on your show.

Speaker 1
01:00 - 01:13
I think even before we start, like tell us, tell the listeners, how you like, why are you here? What are you doing? How did you get to this point today? Yeah, it's a long journey for sure.

Speaker 1
01:13 - 01:53
I grew up in Northeast Los Angeles and because of my background in that area, of course, there's a lot of wonderful things about Los Angeles, but in that area there's known for, you know, gangs and drugs and violence and things like that. And so growing up in that environment definitely had an impact on me, but grateful to my single mother who raised me a single, the youngest of five children and Even though I was able through sports and her discipline to get back on the right track of ultimately, I never forgot where I came from. And I always wanted to be able to try to give back a lot.

Speaker 1
01:54 - 02:25
One of my experiences, I've worked in two prisons and a juvenile hall, and I've seen, and not only that, but during a lot of funerals and losing friends, you just remember the impact. So that was one thing. Then I started becoming, I became a at-risk counselor in a junior high school, and that led me to going to do home visits. And that really changed my whole perspective from youth mentoring to parent mentoring.

Speaker 1
02:25 - 02:52
So again, it's a long story, but ultimately I realized that what I was doing with my students at school, I was fighting a losing battle because when I went to their home and started talking to their parents, because I realized as a young parent, I couldn't just believe everything I was being told. Well, I saw that dysfunction and all that lack of control and lack of respect. And that's when the light went on for me.

Speaker 1
02:52 - 03:04
And I started to try to help parents and that was many years ago and I'm still doing that. And I'm very grateful for the opportunity. That's amazing. And how are you helping?

Speaker 1
03:04 - 03:10
Like, what is it you're doing now? I mean, we have the book, more than one book. Is there more than one book? More than one book?

Speaker 1
03:10 - 03:32
Yes. Well, what I initially started doing was just teaching classes, but here's the difference. that I focused on where most parenting classes focus on helping parents deal with or fix their kids. My program helps parents deal with or fix ourselves.

Speaker 1
03:33 - 03:54
And that is a big difference because of our lack of growth. A lot of times we have problems. So that is, you know, I think the primary, primary, difference of parents on a mission and other parenting classes. So, I don't know how much in-depth you want me to go, but you know.

Speaker 1
03:54 - 04:17
Yeah, you know. I think we both really like collided in our ideas when we first started talking to each other, because when I'm talking to parents, yes, we have all kinds of strategies for specific issues, but I always say, it's not them. Like, it's not them, sorry, it's you. But that's the good news.

Speaker 1
04:17 - 04:38
Like, I think that's where the magic happens because we, as parents, oh, well, if it's me, I have some control on what's happening next. And I know you talked about gangs in L.A., but I'm pretty certain it's not specific to L.A. Oh, no, no, no. This is a global issue.

Speaker 1
04:40 - 04:59
But to go back to your question, what I started doing, I realized that I'm one guy, one person. How many people can I really help? So to help parents, what I've done is I started reproducing leaders, certifying them. I wrote a curriculum from my book, one of my books.

Speaker 1
05:00 - 05:19
And they then take that curriculum And now it's not just me helping parents walk through their emotional maturity and how to grow and just different things that are involved. That's what I'm doing to help parents is providing them a tool. The book's one. Online courses is another.

Speaker 1
05:20 - 05:35
But gangs, you know, yeah, LA, I could say is probably the capital of gangs. And that started way back in the 1940s. But yeah, gangs are, I mean, just everywhere. And they've changed in some way.

Speaker 1
05:35 - 05:55
You know, now we see it's more about human trafficking and drugs. And we see what's going on in the border here in the United States. That is more my orientation was more about street gangs and fighting neighborhood. You know, this is my barrio and you don't belong here.

Speaker 1
05:55 - 06:17
Protecting so-called neighborhood turf and the drugs was also involved. But it was more kind of that. Now it's more about the international transnational gangs that are much more powerful and have a lot of influence from prisons and across the border. There's a lot of influence on the street gangs.

Speaker 1
06:19 - 06:42
So I kind of want to start at the beginning then. So if parents are, you know, parent-to-parent, single or not, if they're concerned about, oh, my kid's just hanging around the wrong crowd, the difference between that and, uh-oh, this could be a gang issue. Like, how would they know the difference? Where would they go, oh, oh, I really need to be worried.

Speaker 1
06:42 - 07:12
I really need to start intervening here. Well, some of it's pretty easy to tell, like the dress. They start changing how they're dressing, how they're looking, how they're talking, tattoos, graffiti that you might see in their room, on their schoolwork. Those kinds of things are pretty easy to tell, but other things could be isolation.

Speaker 1
07:12 - 07:44
Now they're not, you know, talking to the friends that they always used to talk to, separation from that and their parents as well, or even their brothers and sisters. So now this kid who would come home before and, you know, talk just like be around the kid, his other siblings and parents. Now, more secretive, leaving, coming home later, you know, those kinds of things, of course, hanging around, you know, with the wrong people. Those are certainly signs.

Speaker 1
07:44 - 07:59
But also, if he shows up with cash, or all of a sudden has new, new clothes or new shoes that you know, you didn't buy him that he couldn't, he or she couldn't afford. So things like that. Yeah. Interesting.

Speaker 1
07:59 - 08:13
And so what age are we talking? Like, is there like, oh, I don't need to worry about it. He's only 13 or she's only 12. Like what age is there even a myth for parents, like a belief parents have that, oh, they're too young.

Speaker 1
08:13 - 08:42
I'm not worried about it now. I think in general, you know, elementary school, even though in some places, even at that level, kids are being recruited, inculcated with older brothers and sisters and people that are already involved. And they start giving them that attitude, you know, how to dress. But as far as actually becoming an active gang member, yeah, that usually is between the ages of 12 to 15.

Speaker 1
08:43 - 09:15
Those are the, that's the kind of, a high-risk age. And then when gang members, when they get older, or they have a girl that gets pregnant, or they start getting around people of faith or other things like that. That's what I used to do, where you start to look for the low-hanging fruit where you can get them out. But as far as the initial worrying about is when they get to that middle school, junior high school age, and that's where the real pressure.

Speaker 1
09:15 - 09:29
There's some pressure in elementary, so I'm not gonna say there isn't, but it's mostly at that junior high, high school level. And what is the lure? What are gang members doing to lure kids in? How are they getting their grips on them?

Speaker 1
09:30 - 09:45
Well, let me answer that this way, and I mentioned this to you before. People that work in this industry, gang intervention and gang prevention, which are two different things. Prevention is not intervention. Intervention is when they're already involved.

Speaker 1
09:45 - 10:01
Prevention is how do you keep a kid from never going down that road? And they used to always ask that question, you know, why do kids join gangs? And I would say, well, that's the wrong question. You're framing it wrong if you want a solution.

Speaker 1
10:02 - 10:16
The question is not, why do kids join gangs? The question is, why do most kids not join gangs? And the reason or the answer to that is because of the home that they come from. the culture that they're raised in.

Speaker 1
10:17 - 10:48
So the lure is if you don't have that loyalty, if you don't have that attachment, basically, if you don't have that relationship with mom and dad, you know, a solid, close relationship, well, the gang is a second family. That's exactly what it is. It doesn't take millions of dollars of research to figure this out. These are kids who are lonely at home, or they're resentful, or they're bitter, or they're angry, or they're abandoned, or they're abused.

Speaker 1
10:49 - 11:22
All of those different factors, and now here comes somebody that's gonna give them power, respect, maybe money, things like that. And that's really hard to resist when you're at that age level. So what would be, okay, so if we're, let's talk about prevention first then, like what would be the number one prevention strategy for parents? If they're listening to us now and like, I'm not worried, but I wanna make sure I never have to be worried, what am I doing?

Speaker 1
11:22 - 11:31
Don't take the loyalty of your children for granted. Don't don't. Well, that's my son. Of course, they're going to be loyal to me and our family.

Speaker 1
11:31 - 11:52
No, they're not. Not not without effort, not with our investment, not with our unfocused attention and consistent priority of their life, showing them that your life is my priority, son. a daughter, and not taking that relationship and that attachment for granted. To me, that's my advice.

Speaker 1
11:52 - 12:26
That's the number one issue, of course, starting as early as possible. But even if, let's say, somebody is listening and their son's already 13, 14, or daughter 15, maybe they're even out there, maybe they're already involved, the answer is the same. It's reestablishing relationship. Maybe there needs to be some forgiveness, some apologies, some acknowledgement of where I went wrong, but it's going to come down to that relationship of showing that kid, I really do love you.

Speaker 1
12:26 - 12:49
I really do value you. You really matter to me. And that's why, as you and I know, the emotional maturity of the parent is so vital because parents aren't able to do that if they're not growing in that emotional maturity. Well, and you talk about in your book, leading from the inside out, parenting from the inside out.

Speaker 1
12:49 - 13:13
Can you talk more about that? Yeah, that's talking about, as in any leadership, we know the first issue is we have to look within ourselves. So that's what leadership is, is me being self-aware as emotional intelligence teaches us. And the reason I would need to be self-aware is so that I can self-manage.

Speaker 1
13:14 - 13:49
And the reason I self-manage is so I can be socially aware, which means that when I'm socially aware, that means that I can come into my kid's room or when they come home or I come home from work I'm in tune with them, not wanting them to be in tune with me. And that all is inner work. That's work from the inside out where I'm dealing with my emotions, I'm dealing with my moods, I'm recognizing maybe that I had a hard day at work and now I gotta go into the house and maybe mom's been home all day with the kids.

Speaker 1
13:50 - 14:09
And I have to be able to, and of course, nobody, whoever, if you're listening, mom and dad, nobody gets this right all the time. Okay. I have failed three times, but the idea is before I go into that home, I want to collect myself, take a deep breath. tune it, where am I at?

Speaker 1
14:10 - 14:32
And then be able to go in and be present and be able to have that conversation with the kids. So that's what I mean by inside out. It's not just about money and buying stuff for the kids and taking them places and things like that. All of those things are good and important, but it's really that inner compass that we are constantly working on.

Speaker 1
14:32 - 14:55
So that's what I mean by inside out. That's that's super interesting and I and I it's almost like, you know, the tables have really turned for parenting, you know, where. 20 years ago, or maybe I should say 40 years ago. I mean, there was no reasoning with parents.

Speaker 1
14:55 - 15:05
It was, well, because I said so. It was probably, I probably heard that 87 times a day, well, because I said so. And there was no questioning. There was no reasoning.

Speaker 1
15:05 - 15:16
It was just the way it was. And it's just not like that anymore. You know, I sometimes you hear parents say, well, it worked 20 years ago and blah, blah, blah. And I, I was a good kid.

Speaker 1
15:16 - 15:22
Nothing. That's great. But times are very different. You know, we have this whole digital age that has come through.

Speaker 1
15:23 - 15:46
Like, we have all of these other external factors that has to change the basis of how we parent. That's right. Well, I say another metaphor I use is that we are losing more kids to suffocation than starvation. And what I mean by that is most communities when there's youth problems like this, they have this what I call the outside in approach.

Speaker 1
15:47 - 16:17
And what they're doing is, okay, well, we need more parks, pools, playgrounds, we need more curfews, we need more jobs, we need more counselors and psychiatrists, more teachers, more, well, all of those things are from the outside in. But here's the question to think about. If a kid came to you who had problems, a lot of problems, and they were suffocating and starving at the same time, which need would you meet first? Well, you have to relieve the suffocation.

Speaker 1
16:17 - 16:29
Because until you relieve that, they can't receive from the outside in. a simple drink of water. If I'm out of breath, I need water. I can't drink it until I catch my breath.

Speaker 1
16:30 - 17:02
And so until we relieve that abusive, bitter, angry heart, that child that's been abandoned, see those things, if they're not relieved, they have a hard time receiving from the outside in. But once you relieve that, what I'm calling suffocation, but it's really an inner issues that they have. Once you relieve that, Then all those things make sense to them. And the reason that I know this is because I used to run a gangs, a teen center for gang members, and we provided all those things.

Speaker 1
17:04 - 17:32
it didn't make a difference in their life because they were suffering from other in internal issues that had to do with things that were going on at home. And when we saw those things dealt with the inside things, then the outside ends, it made sense that if I'm, if I'm making sense. Totally making sense. A totally great analogy, really like, I can, I can, I can totally hear what you're saying there.

Speaker 1
17:32 - 17:59
So, so then, okay, so if we're talking about those issues, like, say, I'm trying to think of how to word this. So, our kid is now, we know they're, they're in it. They're in it. what's the what is the intervention we know our kid is in it or even if even i'm even speaking on an educator side if a teacher knows that a kid is in it like what what is the next step okay they're in hard they're in hard what are

Speaker 1
17:59 - 18:37
we doing yeah that's that's that's a difficult situation but the hope is um being for the parent if again if they don't have that Relationship, but they realize, but I want to have it a lot of time is going to come from somebody else. That's the role I played at the school. I was able to connect with these kids as a counselor, somebody they trusted and through my relationship. and then me working with their parents, I became like a mediator, you know, helping bridge, not like I had meetings where I had the parent in there and the kid in there.

Speaker 1
18:37 - 18:58
I never did that. I just knew that if I worked with mom and dad, you know, things were going to get better because when kids see their parents changing, when kids see dad having a different attitude, That starts to affect them. So that's one thing. The other thing is, you know, faith.

Speaker 1
18:58 - 19:29
There's a lot of faith-based organizations that are gifted in reaching out to these kinds of kids that are in gangs or drugs. And a lot of times that's what they need. We can't expect them to leave one tribe, group of people and not replace it with another. Ultimately, we want that to be the family, but a lot of times it goes the other way where a kid will come out of a gang because of a church group that they join or some other type of positive.

Speaker 1
19:29 - 19:39
It might be sports. That's another sport. And that becomes the conduit. But the key is there's got to be change at home.

Speaker 1
19:40 - 20:35
the the kid and that's why parents on a mission our program has been so I think effective is because the kids see there's something going on with my dad he's not acting the way he used to or my mom and then that opens the door for them to to start trusting again because they don't the truth is they don't trust mom and dad because the moment they I don't know, fail or get out of line or get a failing grade or something, then the parents starting on them, like you said, just do what I say and all that authoritarian that we were raised in. But if they see growth, so what we do, I think, is work on ourselves and hope that through the school, through the church, through the coach, through the relatives, other people, that can reach out to those our kids and start to build the relate a trusting relationship and

Speaker 1
20:35 - 21:12
let them kind of be that mediator I guess you'd call it that that's what I have seen work. So I'm picturing I don't know maybe this is maybe I'm just stereotyping but once a kid is in a gang how difficult is it for them to get out of the gang? Like, is there not a fear that, I remember, I mean, when I was like 14 or 15, there were gangs, I think they were called devil something in my area. And they were, I knew them, like they were nice kids, they just got into fights every once in a while.

Speaker 1
21:13 - 21:32
But they would also say, well, I can't get out, like they'll just, beat the crap out of me or whatever there. And I'm sure 30 years ago, that might just get your head kicked in. Now it might be very, might be fatal. Like, what is that role there that kids play if I want to get out, but I'm scared or?

Speaker 1
21:32 - 21:51
Yeah, again, that that is a tricky one. I mean, it is that that is the stereotype that, you know, once in there is blood in blood out, they call it. Okay. Um, but I've seen thousands and thousands of gang over my career.

Speaker 1
21:51 - 22:10
And the most of it was through faith based organizations where they turned their life around. Like I said, I worked in two prisons, a juvenile hall, and that was the one thing. If you were sincere in faith, your faith, if you will have this. epiphany and you wanted to change your life.

Speaker 1
22:11 - 22:22
That was something that now this was when I worked in the prisons, this was in the late 70s. I don't know how it is now, but that was something they respected. So that's one thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1
22:23 - 22:41
The other thing is some some you could get jumped out of a gang. You know, you get jumped in, you get jumped out. And I I helped some kids with that. you know, I can't, I, I'm not, I didn't tell him to do it, but I just said, you know, what's going to happen.

Speaker 1
22:41 - 23:13
But this is a kid who really wanted to change their life. And so that, you know, but you're right in that it could be, it could be fatal. Um, so that is definitely a, a for real thing, but there are ways. The other thing is a lot of times, and again, I don't know that this is still true, But a lot of times when guys would get older, now they're in their 20s and 30s and they start having kids or they get a girlfriend or they get a job.

Speaker 1
23:15 - 23:45
They were kind of like, it was kind of like understood that, yeah, I'm still a gang member, but I'm not active. They call it being inactive. So you could go on an inactive status where you weren't expected to join into the crime or the gang that was, or the fights and the things that were going to happen, which, because if you're in the gang, you got to be there. But at that point, they're not expecting, they call them the OGs or the veteranos in Spanish.

Speaker 1
23:47 - 24:14
They're not expected to be there because they've already paid their dues, and now they're trying to work and support a family. But all that said, it's a real thing for younger guys and girls. If they get in, Getting out can be a real problem. Of course, the other thing to do is to move, but most families can't afford to move and live here.

Speaker 1
24:16 - 24:32
You know, and I'd love, like, I really, I don't know a lot about gangs, period. So, for parents who are thinking, I have no idea what the heck even happens in a gang, what does it look like? Is there a hierarchy? Is there, like, roles each person plays?

Speaker 1
24:33 - 24:47
So, if a parent is concerned, they would have some kind of conversation. They would have the language they need for their kids. So they are like, so their kids are saying, you have no idea what you're talking about. This parent is sitting down saying, hey, I know what's happening here.

Speaker 1
24:48 - 25:12
And really have some kind of language that the kid knows, oh, okay, maybe they know a little bit about what's happening here. And that might make them have a little bit of a connection. Yeah, almost an empathy like I know you're in this, I feel like you're in this gang I feel like you're getting connected here somehow. And, and these are things that you might have to do and do you know what I mean like just kind of have that common thread.

Speaker 1
25:13 - 25:28
Well, you know one thing I mean this would take a lot, but if a parent. could say, look, I feel like you're hanging out with the gang. What is it about? Without judgment, without commenting, without anything, just listening.

Speaker 1
25:28 - 25:45
Well, they're probably not gonna say anything. They're probably gonna ignore that or just deny it. And then you kinda don't say anything, but at least you're showing them, hey, I'm interested in what's this about? You can do that.

Speaker 1
25:45 - 26:23
But as far as, When I was involved in this in the 90s, All the research showed that gangs are not highly organized. A lot about being a gang is just hanging out, getting high or drinking, partying, cruising, hanging out. And then, you know, yeah, there were times where there's either a fight or a drive-by shooting because of retaliation. But there's not a real strict hierarchy, although there is definitely always a leader or more than one, or usually there's a leader.

Speaker 1
26:24 - 27:05
But again, the transnational gangs and these more sophisticated cartels. I don't know that much about that, but it seems to me they're a little more organized. And then in the Mexican mafia, which I dealt with a lot in the prison, that is a real thing, and they have a lot of influence in the streets, and there is hierarchy there. Soldiers and they have captains and they they do have somewhat of a of a hierarchy, but the gangs in the street that there wasn't a lot of.

Speaker 1
27:06 - 27:31
organization there. And there may, maybe there is now I don't know, but before there hadn't been, because you're talking about a lot of young people, and they didn't really understand the, you know, organizing and things like that. So I'm sure some were more than others. But as far as for parents, I don't know that that's so much important to understand.

Speaker 1
27:31 - 27:58
I think what's important is that if they feel that that's what's happening, to try to let their kid know, I'm aware of this, I'm concerned about it. And without saying it, it's like the worst thing you can do, we know this in relationships, the more you try to pull them away, the closer you're gonna get, right? And so that's to me, it doesn't work. I've never seen it work.

Speaker 1
27:59 - 28:22
It's the relational, caring, concerned, genuine, okay, I don't like this, and I wish you weren't doing it, but can you help me understand what's going on and why? Yeah, I think you called it the surrogate family, like a gang, not their enemy. In their eyes, this is not their enemy. Right.

Speaker 1
28:23 - 28:29
Oh, no. Well, that's the thing about it. You know, and this goes back to parents. Why is your kid joining the gang?

Speaker 1
28:30 - 28:47
Why do they feel the need to join a second family? And that's the issue when I talk about loyalty in the book. How do you win the loyalty of your son or daughter? Because in my opinion, every parent, I say America could be the world.

Speaker 1
28:48 - 29:10
You are in a daily battle for the loyalty of your son and daughter. And if you don't understand that, You're not even in the game and you need to get in the game because again, it's just a mistake. But if you know, that's a hard question for if my son or daughter was in a gang, that's a hard question to answer. Why are they in a gang?

Speaker 1
29:11 - 29:38
Because then we want to blame everybody and everything else rather than saying, you know, maybe there's something missing at home. Yeah, I'd love to. I'd love to wrap up this last question with a parent knows their kids in the gang and is and is really trying to reconnect. And really, what is like, two or three of the most important things they can say to them to to catch them?

Speaker 1
29:39 - 29:58
Like, what are the conversation starters? What are those, like, instead of do, do, do, you know, you this, you that, instead of that, how do they, like, start reining that back in? And it might take a long time, but how do they even start? I would start with reinforcing how much I love my Love you, son.

Speaker 1
29:59 - 30:09
I just want you to know how much I love you. And I'm sorry for whatever I may have done to cause this. I don't know. But if I have, I love you.

Speaker 1
30:09 - 30:35
I'm concerned. I'm sorry. So the second thing, as I already said, would be, can you help me understand and really focus and listen to whatever they say without, again, no explanations, no judgments, no advice, just listening and showing the kid that, hey, I really want to know. I'm concerned, and it breaks my heart.

Speaker 1
30:36 - 30:49
But this is a choice you've made. And I want to know what I can do because I just don't feel like this is good for you. But, you know, I want to understand. So if that's what I would do.

Speaker 1
30:49 - 31:15
And then the third thing is sometimes there's so many dynamics here, but sometimes if you befriend their friends who might be gang members, Um, that helps show, hey, I, you know, I, I'm concerned about you guys. And yeah, your friend can come over. Yeah, that's fine. Or if you guys are going to hang up, please don't, you know.

Speaker 1
31:16 - 31:51
to be drinking or using drugs, but yeah, if you guys wanna hang out here for a while and watch some movies or play video games, but because gang members do do those things, then that kind of shows that you are at least trying to embrace some of these guys or girls that they have embraced. And I used to do that, my kids were not in gangs, but they were bringing home some kids that were always in trouble. And I would welcome that because I wanted those kids to see, hey, you know what?

Speaker 1
31:51 - 32:03
We're not judging you. We love you. And that really helped them. And my kids always appreciated that because they could bring their friends to a normal home.

Speaker 1
32:03 - 32:22
Yeah, I used to love and did this until my kids got their own cars is I was always the taxi driver because they sat in the back seat and they forgot pretty quick that I was driving and they had their own conversations. And man, I had a hot gear. I knew exactly what was going on. They didn't even think about it.

Speaker 1
32:22 - 32:41
I don't even think they realized what they were saying. But I if it meant even sitting in a parking lot for three hours while they were at a party, I would volunteer because I wanted to know what was going on. And I wanted their friends to know me. So that, you know, you just you just like sometimes as parents, I don't know.

Speaker 1
32:42 - 33:31
We have to also I think sometimes step back and say, okay, this is right now I'm not in a position where I'm going to have some influence, but I have this really amazing aunt or there's this really great uncle or there's a teacher that they love like. Can you even talk about, for a second, just backing off, like being vulnerable enough to say, okay, this just, I just am not going to make any changes here, but I have this really caring adult to introduce, like, important, right? Very, very important. And one more, I wanna be clear, I'm not suggesting that we enable our kids to do, like I said, if friends wanna come over, that's fine, but I'm not enabling them to drink and get high and all those things.

Speaker 1
33:31 - 34:10
A lot of times that's what they're doing. But as far as, yeah, now this is another thing I always say, That people kind of struggle with every I think I told you that everybody said that takes a village to raise a child. I say it does not take a village to raise a child, it just takes good parenting, but the role we there is a role for the village, which is support like what you're talking about. But the reason I say that is because I feel like government and schools are trying to take the authority of parents away from their undermining the authority of parents, teaching values and different things that we that parents don't want.

Speaker 1
34:10 - 34:49
And that's why I know the authority of raising children belongs with mom and dad, not the village, but. That said, yeah, of course, the village can be very helpful, like you just said, where if it's not going to be me, maybe it's the coach or the pastor or my uncle or whoever it is. Whoever, it doesn't matter who it is, but that person can become very important in influencing a child. But I got to keep saying, Cheryl, that the key to this lasting is the growth and the change that the kid goes back to.

Speaker 1
34:50 - 35:07
Because you can take a healthy organ And if you transplanted into a diseased, unhealthy body, guess what's going to happen? What's happening with my kids? I was building them up, you know, encouraging them and then they go home. And that's where I got the wilted flower.

Speaker 1
35:08 - 35:23
You know, I'd water plant and they'd be all, you know, and then a week later, they're wilted again and dying. And and I could see that there was no follow through at home. So that's important. Such a great analogy.

Speaker 1
35:23 - 35:30
I love that quote. It's so cool. That was good. Richard, tell us how to work with you, how to find you.

Speaker 1
35:30 - 35:40
Talk a little more about your books. I'm going to put all the links in the show notes about the books and just tell us how to find you. If parents need your help, how do they get it? Yeah, they can go to my website, Richard R.

Speaker 1
35:41 - 36:05
Don't forget my middle initial. If you put Richard Ramos, there's a lot of Richard Ramoses in the world. I have resources there and very soon I will be releasing an online course for parents on a mission. Right now, if somebody wanted to be a mentor, as I call them, and be certified, there's a training there they could go through that.

Speaker 1
36:06 - 36:20
I also know there's a lot of parents that, hey, we just want to learn what you're teaching. So that'll be probably next month, I'd say. But the book's available on Amazon. You can get it on my website.

Speaker 1
36:20 - 36:50
I also have another book, From the Martins to the Mainstream. That book I wrote for youth leaders, How would a young person become a community leader? So that's what that book's about, if parents wanted to give their son or daughter that. And then the next, in July, I'll be releasing my new book, The Art of Step-Parenting, How to Plan Families Without Tearing Them Apart.

Speaker 1
36:51 - 37:24
So that, yeah, those mostly just go to the website. You can email me at Richard at RichardRRollins.com, I'd be happy to, answer any questions. But listen, I just appreciate you giving me the opportunity to share. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1
37:24 - 37:41
Thank you so much Richard. I have learned so much even in a half an hour and I can't wait to dive in a little more into what's your website and more into your books and this is fantastic. Thank you so much and thank you for listening to Parenting Teens Advice Redefined. We will see you next time.

Speaker 1
37:44 - 38:03
Thank you for listening to another episode. I hope you loved this one as much as I did. And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them.

Speaker 1
38:05 - 38:29
And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids. Because here's the truth. The transformation starts with you.

Speaker 1
38:30 - 38:43
Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm. We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it.

Speaker 1
38:44 - 38:54
You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call. There's no pitch. There's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help.

Speaker 1
38:55 - 39:05
We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way. And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes. Again, I'm Cheryl.

Speaker 1
39:05 - 39:17
Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.