#109 "The One Text Every Parent Misunderstands: Are You Making This Mistake?"

#ParentingTeens #TeenTexting #IKnowThatK

I Texted My Teen and All I Got Was "K": Navigating the Teenage Texting Maze

Welcome back to another episode of "Parenting Teens Advice: Redefined for Today's World." In this episode, host Cheryl Pankhurst dives into the perplexing world of texting with teenagers. Have you ever sent your teen a heartfelt message only to receive a single letter in response? You're not alone. Join Cheryl as she explores the emotional rollercoaster of parenting teens in the digital age, offering insights and humor to help you navigate these challenging yet rewarding years. Discover how to shift your perspective, embrace the awkwardness, and build meaningful connections with your teen, even when all you get is a "K."

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Transcript generated by Transcript LOL
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Speaker 1
00:00 - 00:26
I texted my teen and all I got was this, K? Why talking to your teens feels like being ghosted by a roommate who lives in your house and eats all your food. Hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice, redefined for today's world. The podcast where we tell the truth about raising teens and laugh at the madness and remind ourselves that parenting isn't about perfection.

Speaker 1
00:26 - 00:48
It's about presence. I am your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and today's episode is for every mom who's ever texted their teen a heartfelt message only to get one single soul-shattering letter in return. That's right. This one's called, I texted my teen and all I got was, hey.

Speaker 1
00:52 - 01:04
Because apparently, full sentences are too much to ask. when cake feels like a slap in the face. So let me set the scene. I'm having a great morning.

Speaker 1
01:05 - 01:23
I'm feeling grounded and connected. You know, the kind of mom who's really doing the work, journaled, I've meditated, I've reminded myself, they are not giving me a hard time. They are having a hard time. I decide to send my little love bomb note to my team.

Speaker 1
01:24 - 01:33
something simple and thoughtful. Hey, sweetie, hope your day goes smoothly today. I'm really proud of you. I love you.

Speaker 1
01:33 - 01:50
And I get back, K. That's it. Just the letter K. No heart, no smiley face, no punctuation, not an I love you too tossed in, you know, like a sad little breadcrumb.

Speaker 1
01:51 - 02:01
I stare at that message like it's a riddle from the universe. Does K mean, thanks, mom? I love you, too. Does it mean, leave me alone?

Speaker 1
02:01 - 02:11
Is this teenage Morse code? Does she accidentally butt text me a consonant? I'll be honest. And for a second, I spiraled.

Speaker 1
02:12 - 02:19
I went full parent detective. Did she read it? Is she upset? Should I send a follow-up message?

Speaker 1
02:20 - 02:39
Should I just show up at school with cupcakes and a therapy dog? Listen, the texting game with teens is wild. I've had entire conversations where my teen says, NM, after which, of course, I had to Google. NM, like no milk?

Speaker 1
02:40 - 02:51
Oh, never mind. Or IDK, or fine. And my personal favorite, the thumbs up emoji. That's not a conversation.

Speaker 1
02:51 - 03:05
That is an emotional scavenger hunt. And don't even get me started on trying to use their slang. I once told my son, your outfit is fire. And he looked at me like I just said I was on TikTok with Snoop Dogg.

Speaker 1
03:06 - 03:28
Apparently, you're not allowed to say fire or slay or vibe check. One time I even used the word drip and I was asked to please stop parenting in public. I mean truly, talking to your teen is like being ghosted by your own roommate who eats all your food and shares your DNA. But here's where it gets to be funny.

Speaker 1
03:29 - 03:49
When we stop trying to be cool, and when we let the awkwardness live in the room, something magical starts to happen. Here's what I've learned. And I'm not just speaking as a coach, but as a mom who's been in the K-text trenches. Our teens are not being rude on purpose.

Speaker 1
03:49 - 04:02
They're not out to hurt us. They're not sociopaths with a vendetta against proper texting etiquette. They're just overwhelmed. Their brains are literally rewiring.

Speaker 1
04:03 - 04:31
They are managing hormones, social anxiety, identity crisis, math homework, what Jessica said about them at gym class, every single day. Sometimes they just don't have the capacity for warmth. Sometimes they're so deep in their own world that a one word reply is their version of, I hear you. I love you.

Speaker 1
04:31 - 04:44
I am just maxed out. And you know what? That K might actually mean I'm safe. I saw your message.

Speaker 1
04:45 - 04:57
I'm not mad at you. I'm just tired of everyone. And don't get me wrong, we're human. We want our kids to reply with enthusiasm.

Speaker 1
04:57 - 05:17
We want the I love yous and the exclamation marks and the heartfelt conversations on a park bench underneath fairy lights. But that's not real life. Sometimes connection isn't warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it's quiet and inconvenient.

Speaker 1
05:18 - 05:47
Sometimes it's a grunt while they pass you the remote, but it still counts. Because when we stop chasing the perfect response and start recognizing the patterns of trust, we start to see that even the smallest replies are still a form of connection. Let me throw this little wrench into your plan about texting. Kind of a shift in perspective here.

Speaker 1
05:47 - 06:08
Are you texting to say something or are you texting to get something? Let's pause for a minute and ask something very uncomfortable, but very real. When you text your team, are you doing it to say something or are you doing it to get something? It's okay.

Speaker 1
06:09 - 06:20
No shame here. We all crave connection. We all want validation. We all want to feel like our love is being received, especially by our kids.

Speaker 1
06:21 - 06:38
But the reality is, a lot of the disappointment we feel doesn't come from their reply. It comes from our expectation of a reply that makes us feel good. I'm going to say that again. It comes from an expectation of a reply that makes us feel good.

Speaker 1
06:39 - 06:56
We hit send on a loving message, and we expect a thank you, a heart emoji, an I love you too, mom. You're my hero. And when we don't get it, it stings. But here's the shift I coach around.

Speaker 1
06:57 - 07:22
What if the point of the message is the message? What if you sent it with no strings attached, just love, clean and simple? What if you release the need to be validated and replaced it with the choice to show up from your values and not your wounds? When we drop the expectation, we drop the disappointments.

Speaker 1
07:24 - 07:41
You get to be the kind of mom who loves out loud, who texts as encouragement, even when it's not reciprocated, who stays rooted, not reactive. That is not weak. That is emotional leadership. It is not about silencing your needs.

Speaker 1
07:42 - 08:00
It's about knowing you are enough, whether your team replies or not. So here's what I would suggest you try. Stop taking it personally. That K is not a rejection.

Speaker 1
08:01 - 08:10
It's a placeholder. I'm still in the circle, even if it's the outer circle. And you know what? I'm grateful to be in the circle at all.

Speaker 1
08:11 - 08:28
Bring humor into the hard moments. One time I replied to his NM with, NM here too, LOL, just raising you and keeping you alive, TTYL. Then he sends back three laughing emojis. You're weird.

Speaker 1
08:28 - 08:37
That's progress. We are building bridges, people. We are building bridges. and keep showing up no matter what.

Speaker 1
08:38 - 09:19
Because even if they act like they don't want us around, they still need to know we'll be there. Not only when they're chatty, but when they're silent, when they're snappy, when they've only got one word replies in their emotional bank account. So go from K to connection, to the mom who is out there who feels ignored, to the mom whose kids only text back when they need money or a ride or their gym shorts dropped off at school, to the mom who wonders if she's even making a dent. Let me say this, you are.

Speaker 1
09:20 - 09:38
You are building trust in the cracks. You are anchoring them, even if they don't say thank you. You are making deposits in a relationship that will pay you back later. Not in perfect words, but in quiet safety.

Speaker 1
09:39 - 09:53
Now, I want to hear from you. What is the shortest, weirdest, most confusing thing your teen has ever texted you? Was it sure? Did they send you an upside down smiley face?

Speaker 1
09:54 - 10:12
A single period? True story, someone messaged me that their teen once replied with a dot. Once you find that weird response that you got from your teen, I would love for you to screenshot it. You can wipe out the names and share it.

Speaker 1
10:13 - 10:26
Post it on your stories. Tag me, Sheryl A. Pankhurst at Facebook or Instagram with the hashtag, I know that K. Let's turn this into a movement, a funny one.

Speaker 1
10:26 - 10:50
where we can all admit that parenting teens is like trying to high-five a cat. You might get scratched, but it's still kind of adorable. So keep texting, keep showing up, keep laughing at the awkward, because your consistency, your presence, that is the connection. And remember, it's not about getting the perfect reply.

Speaker 1
10:51 - 11:04
It's about building the kind of relationship where they know you'll be there, even when they've only got a K to give. That's the work. That's the magic. And you, mom, you are doing it beautifully.

Speaker 1
11:05 - 11:19
Thank you for listening to Parenting Teens Advice Redefined. I will see you next week. Same time, same awkward text messages. Don't forget my website, CherylPankhurst.com.

Speaker 1
11:20 - 11:26
Everything is there that you need. There's some free resources. There's free courses. There's ways to work with me.

Speaker 1
11:27 - 11:39
There's a blog. There's everything you need and links to the podcast. And of course, there's the YouTube channel, Cheryl Pankhurst, where you can see this live in concert. I so appreciate you.

Speaker 1
11:39 - 11:52
I know you're doing your best. And as long as you're looking at podcasts and reading books and looking at resources, you are still trying, which means you're not failing. You're still trying. Good on you.

Speaker 1
11:53 - 12:12
Have a beautiful week. Thank you for listening to another episode. I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them.

Speaker 1
12:13 - 12:41
And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids. Because here's the truth, the transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm.

Speaker 1
12:41 - 12:56
We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days.

Speaker 1
12:57 - 13:04
It all starts with a call. There's no pitch. There's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals.

Speaker 1
13:04 - 13:24
We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way. And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes. Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting.

Speaker 1
13:24 - 13:25
Have a great day.