#113 Parenting Through Fear: Lessons from Skydiving Daughters & Motorcycles

Feeling a surge of fear when your teen pushes boundaries or takes a leap? You're not alone. In this episode of Parenting Teens Advice Redefined, host Cheryl Pankhurst shares a deeply personal story about her 33-year-old daughter announcing she was going skydiving. Cheryl reveals how, instead of spiraling into panic, she tapped into the "work" she's been doing – meditation, journaling, and excavating old stories – to respond with pride and connection. Discover how to identify the fears driving your parenting, rewrite your internal narrative, and parent from a place of love and trust, not fear. Learn why letting go, choosing curiosity, and showing up with honesty and heart are key to transforming your family dynamics.

#ParentingTeens #TeenageYears #ParentingAdvice #FearlessParenting

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Speaker 1
00:01 - 00:27
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for today's complex world. I am your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and I am so, so grateful you're here. And don't forget, if you're listening on audio on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, you can also catch the video version on YouTube at Cheryl Pankhurst. And if you subscribe, download, you will never miss one of these episodes.

Speaker 1
00:27 - 00:58
So friends today, She said she was going skydiving. Oh my goodness. I want to tell you a story today that is real and raw and a story that could have sent me straight into a tailspin, but instead turned into one of those moments when I realized, oh, this work I've been doing is actually working. So here's how it went down.

Speaker 1
00:58 - 01:12
My 33 year old daughter, yes 33, told me she was going skydiving. Did I internally freak out? Oh, I sure shit did. I hate flying.

Speaker 1
01:13 - 01:33
I hate heights, and the idea of her hurling herself out of a plane, that triggered every fiber of fear in my body. Not just worry, but deep, primal panic. But here's where it gets interesting. I didn't spiral.

Speaker 1
01:34 - 01:59
I didn't even try to talk her out of it. I didn't even act from that fear because I've been doing the work. You know what I mean? Meditation or journaling, reflecting, excavating the roots of old stories, looking at who I really am and asking myself why I carry the beliefs I do.

Speaker 1
02:00 - 02:30
And in that moment, even with the fear rising up like a wave, I could see it for what it was, not the truth, just a story, my story, my story rooted in fear, in the need to control and in wanting to feel safe. And here's the thing, her dream is not mine to squash. She wasn't asking me for permission. She was sharing something she was excited about.

Speaker 1
02:31 - 02:55
And wow, what a shift that awareness brought. It made me think back to when my kids were teens and how many times did I, without realizing it, project my fears onto them. Did I steer conversations with guilt or subtle manipulation to keep them from doing something that scared me? Control, control, control.

Speaker 1
02:57 - 03:11
And we like to call it good parenting sometimes, don't we? We say, I just want to keep them safe. But what we really mean is, I want to feel safe. It was a gut punch to realize that.

Speaker 1
03:11 - 03:36
But I know, I know for sure, there were moments I may have stolen courage from my kids simply because I wasn't in touch with my own fears. But back to this moment. Here's my daughter, fully grown, checking something off her bucket list that most people don't get the courage to do till they're like 50 plus. The midlife crisis events.

Speaker 1
03:38 - 03:52
And I had this initial thought of, how do I talk her out of it? And then, boom, awareness kicks in. And instead of fear, I feel pride. I feel pride in her courage.

Speaker 1
03:53 - 04:14
I feel pride that she told me knowing full well I would clutch my chest and make these dramatic faces but pride that we have the kind of relationship where she can say, hey mom, I am jumping out of a plane and not feel the need to hide it from me. That's not nothing. That's everything.

Speaker 1
04:15 - 04:32
And here's another layer to the story, because you know who took her skydiving? Her dad. Yes, my former husband. We have been divorced over 20 years, and we still have a very strong, real, honest relationship that I'm so proud of.

Speaker 1
04:32 - 04:43
We even did a podcast together called The Good Divorce Show. I'll link it in the show notes in case you haven't had a chance to listen to that one. But wow. Talk about a test of the work I've been doing.

Speaker 1
04:44 - 05:06
Not only was I sitting with my own fears for her, I realized I was also deeply anxious for him. maybe even more. And this is where I get to say, this work is no joke. Because the old me might have turned that anxiety into bitterness, or control, or criticism.

Speaker 1
05:07 - 05:24
Instead, I felt gratitude. Gratitude that she has this relationship with her dad. That they could share this wild, once in a lifetime, hopefully once in a lifetime, moment together. and gratitude that I was not the one up in that plane.

Speaker 1
05:24 - 05:47
Seriously, thank God. No, I don't think so. So here's the big takeaway I want to share with you. When something happens that triggers you, whether it's your teen wanting to dye their hair blue or you're 20 something moving across the world or you're a 33 year old announcing they are going to leap from the plane, stop.

Speaker 1
05:49 - 06:04
Ask yourself, What is this really about? What's the story I'm telling myself about this? Because sometimes the story sounds like they're being reckless. They're not thinking it through.

Speaker 1
06:04 - 06:20
They are going to regret this. But if you peel back the layers, you might find, I feel out of control. I'm afraid and I want to protect them so I don't feel pain. And that's okay.

Speaker 1
06:21 - 06:30
That's the human in us. But it doesn't have to be the end of the story. You get to rewrite it. And here's how I do it.

Speaker 1
06:32 - 06:48
If something feels off in my body, like tightness or clenching or this wave of panic, I ask, is this the right story? And then I flip it. I choose a better one. One that feels like truth.

Speaker 1
06:49 - 07:03
So instead of she might get hurt, I choose she is brave. She's living life fully and she is safe. And you know what? That story feels so much better.

Speaker 1
07:03 - 07:30
And that story feels true. So whether you're parenting littles or teenagers or adult children, it's never too late, never too late to look inside and to change the story. to write a new chapter, to parent not from fear, but from love and trust and awareness. Now, does this mean I perfected this stuff?

Speaker 1
07:30 - 07:50
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not even close. Just the other day, I'm pretty sure I heard my 36-year-old son say something like, I really want to buy a motorcycle, but I'll probably have to wait till my mom's dead and gone. So clearly, there's some work to be done here. We are all still in it.

Speaker 1
07:50 - 08:13
We are all still unraveling and we are all still rewriting. And that's the point, right? The journey isn't about becoming some enlightened parent who never flinches, never fears and never fumbles. It's about being honest with yourself, noticing when you are gripping too tight, letting go even just a little.

Speaker 1
08:14 - 08:43
Choosing connection over control, choose curiosity over fear, and choose love over protection that masquerades as guilt. To every parent listening, your kids don't need a perfect version of you. They need you, you doing the work, you learning in real time, and you showing up with honesty and heart. That's what changes everything.

Speaker 1
08:44 - 09:32
So here's to courage, to skydiving, to motorcycles, maybe still working on that, to rewriting our old stories and to relationships built not on control but on connection. I want to thank you for listening today and if this resonated with you, share it with a friend, drop a note to let me know what came up for you, And if you haven't already listened, you can check out the episode of The Good Divorce with my kid's dad, where we dive into what really means to co-parent well, even after divorce. If you want to know more about the work, if you have no idea what I'm even talking about, if none of that even sounds familiar, I'm here to help.

Speaker 1
09:33 - 09:48
If you click on the booking link in the show notes, I always offer a complimentary call to see if I can even help. And I will coach you right through it. No problem, no obligation. I just want to be able to help because I know how important this is.

Speaker 1
09:48 - 10:06
I want to thank you again for listening. I would so appreciate it if you subscribed, if you downloaded, if you shared. You just never know. who needs to hear this message and when, and you could be the one that helps change a life just by sharing.

Speaker 1
10:07 - 10:37
So, until next time, stay curious, stay courageous, and always, always trust that rewriting the story is possible. Again, I'm your host, Cheryl Pinkers, and I am so happy you're here and so grateful. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode.

Speaker 1
10:37 - 11:11
I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talked about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl, and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves, so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids.

Speaker 1
11:12 - 11:26
Because here's the truth, the transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm. We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of.

Speaker 1
11:26 - 11:37
If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call. There's no pitch.

Speaker 1
11:37 - 11:49
There's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way. And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes.

Speaker 1
11:50 - 12:03
Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.