#114 #9 Secrets to Mastering those Hard Conversations"

#ParentingTeens #HardConversations #SpeakYourTruth

Do you keep replaying that one hard conversation in your head—‑the talk you’ve been avoiding with your teen, your partner, or even your boss? In this raw, heart‑centered episode, Cheryl Pankhurst shows you how to stop waiting for the “perfect moment,” step out of the vortex of fear, and speak your truth—in‑person, with confidence and compassion.

You’ll learn why the “right time” never arrives, how the vortex steals your peace, and why your truth is always the right thing to say, no matter the reaction. Cheryl also shares practical tools (Mel Robbins’ 5‑4‑3‑2‑1 countdown, body‑reset breathing, anchor‑point prep, I‑language) to help you launch those tough talks today.

If you’re a parent of a teenager who feels stuck in a cycle of avoidance, this episode will give you the freedom, clarity, and relief you’ve been craving.

WTF-hard conversations & win the lottery.mp4
Transcript generated by Transcript LOL
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Speaker 1
00:02 - 00:31
Welcome, welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice, redefined for today's world, but this is the spin-off series, WTF, Welcome to Friday, or What's Up, depending on how your week has gone, you get to choose. I am your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and I am so happy to be here. I'm so grateful that you're listening. And today's episode is very close to my heart.

Speaker 1
00:32 - 00:56
WTF episode, say the words, the winning the lottery of your soul by speaking your truth. Listen, You know those hard conversations you've been avoiding. The one with your teen or your mom or your partner or your boss. Yeah, that one.

Speaker 1
00:57 - 01:12
The one that has been swirling in your head like a bad song you cannot turn off. You have played it out a hundred different ways. And each time you think, Oh, I found it. I found the perfect script.

Speaker 1
01:13 - 01:22
And then you stall. You tell yourself, okay, I'll just wait till the right time. I'll wait till next time. I'll wait till they're in a better mood.

Speaker 1
01:22 - 01:28
I'll wait. I'll wait. Guess what? The right time never exists.

Speaker 1
01:30 - 02:11
I am the expert in hard conversations and not because I've studied it in the classroom and not because I have perfected it, but because I have lived with this dark cloud of not being able to have these conversations because I don't want to make somebody feel bad or I don't know what I'm going to do next or I'm scared of the outcome. But these decades of real life training, the hundreds of moments where I either had to say the words or live in the vortex of uncertainty. And let me tell you, the vortex is hell.

Speaker 1
02:12 - 02:27
It is a thief of time. It is a thief of your energy. It steals your sleep and it steals your peace. So let's be brutally honest here.

Speaker 1
02:27 - 02:40
The vortex is where we burn hours or days, weeks, even years. Yeah, I've done that. I've done the years replaying the same loop. How should I say it?

Speaker 1
02:42 - 02:50
What will they say back? How will I respond to that? What's the next thing that's going to happen? Here's the truth bomb.

Speaker 1
02:51 - 03:04
We don't know. We actually never know. We never know what's going to happen next, period. And that's the actual freedom.

Speaker 1
03:04 - 03:41
The day you literally accept, I cannot control how anyone else reacts, you get your power back. Recently I have had one of those conversations that I was dreading and yeah my chest was tight and my hands were clammy and then as the words came out my body shifted into this calm, confident, convicted person I almost didn't recognize. Why? Because I was speaking my truth.

Speaker 1
03:41 - 04:12
It was coming from my heart, not from my head, not from my concern about everything else around me. I was in alignment with me. I was in that moment living in my value, not bending to someone else's comfort zone. You know, it's when we wobble, it's when we manipulate in our heads, when we people please, when we avoid conflict, that's when the anxiety takes over.

Speaker 1
04:12 - 04:42
That's when your body goes into fight or flight because we aren't speaking from our truth. We're dancing around everyone else's truth. Everyone, what we think is everyone else's truth. We are assuming how they're going to feel we're assuming what the reaction is going to be and that's so fake and and trying to people please and say the right things just so you don't get a certain reaction it's fake you need to speak your truth and let's

Speaker 1
04:42 - 05:19
talk about the avoidance trap here is hiding behind the screen let's call this out because i'm guilty We tell ourselves, okay, I'm just going to send it in an email or a text message would be easier. But let's be honest, you are just hiding. We do that to avoid a tone of voice or a facial reaction or discomfort or worrying about how we're going to react to that tone of voice or that discomfort. But when you are speaking from your truth, none of it matters.

Speaker 1
05:19 - 05:44
It doesn't affect you. Text and emails will strip away any nuance of the conversation and the other person reads it through their mood, their insecurities, their filters, not your truth. And the whole point of this is speaking your truth. If the conversation matters, it deserves your voice.

Speaker 1
05:45 - 06:21
Commit to delivering your truth in person, even if it has to be on a phone call. So saying these words, yeah, might lead to conflict or hurt or frustration. or a phenomenal result, something that was not understood before. You might be working with someone or dealing with someone or talking to someone who truly loves you and wants to hear your truth and wants to say their truth so you can grow together.

Speaker 1
06:21 - 06:57
But even if you get conflict or hurt or frustration, I promise, no matter what comes out of that reaction, you will feel a sense of relief a sense of freedom, a pride in yourself, and a growth you cannot even imagine until the conversation is over. And here's the kicker. The response doesn't actually matter as much as you think. Because when you speak your truth, it can never be wrong.

Speaker 1
06:58 - 07:35
It might not be what you hope for, It might not be an easy process afterwards, but it will be exactly what you need. You will walk away from this conversation with clarity, And clarity is like winning the soul lottery. Being uncertain and unclear of what to expect and what to think and what to do is the worst vortex to live in. No more black cloud, no more mental Netflix rerun of what is.

Speaker 1
07:36 - 08:09
You just know exactly where you stand when you're finished with this conversation and you will know exactly what to do. and it will be the right thing, no matter what. If you have absolutely no idea how to start these conversations, here's a few tips. Mel Robbins, I'm pretty sure anyone who lives has heard of Mel Robbins now, and her strategy is five, four, three, two, one.

Speaker 1
08:09 - 08:23
And yes, you know what? When I first heard this or read about it, I thought, Oh my God, it's so basic. This can't actually be something. But then I thought, okay, well she has a book and she has like a slightly popular podcast, so she must know what she's talking about.

Speaker 1
08:24 - 08:54
Her strategy is the second you think I should say it, count backwards, five, four, three, two, one, no overthinking, the words come out. And you can prepare in advance. If you are working with someone, dealing with someone, loving someone who is an interrupter, a walk-away-er, a punch-the-wall kind of person, Set up the conversation. Listen, I need to talk to you.

Speaker 1
08:54 - 09:14
Have you had a good day? You can judge that. And then you can say, I really need you to not walk away, to not punch a wall, to not interrupt me. Just let me finish everything I need to say, and then I will be available for what you want to say back.

Speaker 1
09:16 - 09:28
So set it up. And once you set it up, now you have committed to having this conversation because there's no way this other person is going to ignore it. They're going to say, well, well, what do you want to talk about? What do you want to talk about?

Speaker 1
09:28 - 09:58
Like, what do you want to do? And you know, that gives you that, okay, well now, now I'm accountable for what I want to say. And you can always do, you know, if it's really something that you think is going to change your worlds one way or another, have like an anchor point, not a script, not something that isn't your voice, but an anchor point where you want to nail down really specific points you have to get across.

Speaker 1
09:59 - 10:31
And you think you might lose that in conversation, but not as a, you know, memorizing, not something to read from, but just something that if you go over it and you take time with yourself to prepare, then those anchor points will be in your brain. You can do a body check right before the conversation. Reset your nervous system. A deep breath in for four through the nose.

Speaker 1
10:31 - 10:46
Hold for four, release through the mouth for eight. Do this for 60 seconds and your nervous system will be ready for the Olympics. It totally resets you. It is proof positive that this works.

Speaker 1
10:48 - 10:54
Make sure you stand. Stand in your power. Stay grounded. Don't sit.

Speaker 1
10:54 - 11:13
You can, you know, power or turtle or, you know, lean back in your conversation. You want to stand. You want to be in your posture that changes your energy. It keeps you staying grounded and it gives your voice and your words and energy.

Speaker 1
11:14 - 11:21
Keep the conversation in I language. Keep it rooted in your truth. I feel. I've noticed.

Speaker 1
11:22 - 11:35
This keeps it based on how you're feeling in your heart. Future test it. Picture yourself an hour after having the conversation. How do you think you're going to feel?

Speaker 1
11:35 - 11:46
Picture a month after the conversation. If it means that this is going to be a big change in your life, picture three months after this conversation. Oh my God, thank God. Your future self is saying, thank you.

Speaker 1
11:47 - 11:58
Thank you. Thank you for having this conversation. This has changed everything. and keep a trigger in your head.

Speaker 1
11:58 - 12:33
My truth matters more than their reaction, period. And I also want to say for parents, can you imagine if your adult child came home and said, mom, dad, I'm dealing with this and I think maybe there's an addiction or I think maybe there's a betrayal or I really want to take this new job but I don't want to say anything. How would you advise the people you love the most.

Speaker 1
12:34 - 12:43
Would you say to your daughter or your son, Oh my God, don't say anything. Just, just keep living like that. Don't say anything. Don't, don't piss anybody off.

Speaker 1
12:43 - 12:52
Don't, you know, people please don't cause any problems. Don't cause any conflict. Would you say that? There's not a chance in hell you would say that to someone you love the most.

Speaker 1
12:52 - 13:10
Not a chance. You need to love you the most to have these conversations. Listen, Saying the words isn't about being confrontational. It is about living in your light instead of someone else's shadow.

Speaker 1
13:11 - 13:46
The truth is always lighter than the vortex and the second you step out of that swirling uncertainty, I promise You can breathe. You can see a way forward. And the more you do it, the less terrifying it becomes because you can remember, remember the last time I sat in the vortex and then I jumped out of the vortex and I felt a million times better like a weight has lifted and I felt so strong and so proud of myself.

Speaker 1
13:47 - 14:04
The more you do it, the less terrifying it becomes. You will start to crave the relief way more than you fear any reaction. So today, I want you to think about your hard conversation. Don't overcomplicate it.

Speaker 1
14:04 - 14:25
Don't manipulate it in your head. Trust whatever comes from this conversation is exactly meant for you. And when you have this conversation, you are going to feel like you just won the lottery in your soul. Trust me.

Speaker 1
14:26 - 14:41
I promise this isn't just because I read about it. This is because I've lived it so many times. It's not even funny. And if you are sitting there thinking, oh my God, I need to have that conversation.

Speaker 1
14:41 - 14:54
I know exactly what I, I know I need to do this. And you have no idea where to start. Click the call in the show notes, total complimentary coaching call. I will get you through it.

Speaker 1
14:54 - 15:07
I promise. Thank you so much for listening. This has been a topic super close to my heart and really raw, really fresh. And I'm so glad to share it with you.

Speaker 1
15:07 - 15:14
If it changes one person's life, you get to have that one conversation. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Do it. I promise.

Speaker 1
15:19 - 15:37
You can even DM me, reach out and tell me how did it go and how did you feel after? And I am so grateful you're here listening to WTF what that episode. I will see you next Friday. I'm so grateful you're here.

Speaker 1
15:37 - 15:59
And again, everything is in the show notes. You want to work with me, you want to chat with me, you want to DM, you want to get into the Facebook group, Parenting Team Sanctuary and the Facebook group. Everything is in the show notes. I trust you know exactly what to do right now.

Speaker 1
16:00 - 16:05
Go do it. Five, four, three, two, one.