~121 "Building the Dream Team: Parents, Teachers, and Teens :Advocacy 101"

#advocacy, #selfadvocacy, #IEP, #specialeducation, #parentingteens

Advocacy, Guilt & the Dream‑Team: Raising Neuro‑Diverse Teens with Confidence

In this raw, unfiltered conversation, host Cheryl Pankhurst sits down with Criss Madrigal, a Sacred Alignment Coach and mother of three—including identical twins with complex medical needs. They unpack what true advocacy looks like, how to shift from mom‑guilt to self‑aligned action, and why teaching teens to speak up is the most powerful gift a parent can give.

👉 Key topics: partnership advocacy, self‑advocacy for high‑schoolers, building a “Dream Team” of support, practical communication tools (one‑page child intro PDF), handling angry parent meetings with compassion, and daily life hacks that turn chores into confidence‑building moments.

🎧 Who should listen? Parents of teenagers—especially those navigating neuro‑diversity, IEPs, or any situation where a child’s needs feel overwhelming.

Take the next step: Download the free PDF, join our supportive Facebook community, and schedule a complimentary call with Cheryl to rediscover your power as a parent.

#ParentingTeens #TeenAdvocacy #NeurodiverseParenting #MomGuilt #DreamTeam #IEP #SelfAdvocacy #InsightToImpact #ParentSupport #HighSchool #SpecialEducation #ParentingPodcast

Chris Madrigal 2 - Audio.wav
Transcript generated by Transcript LOL
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Speaker 1
00:01 - 00:30
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice, redefined for today's complex world, where we have the real, the raw, and the tough conversations that everyone not wants to hear, but absolutely needs to hear. And I'm going to throw this in here. I'm always asking that you share these episodes, but I'm asking for a specific reason. that you likely love a teen, know someone who loves a teen, or maybe even someone who teaches a teen.

Speaker 1
00:31 - 01:00
And when we dive into these really tough topics, even if it is not something that resonates with you, if you share it, I want you to picture a month down the road that you get a random message on your random social media that says, I don't know who you are. But you changed my life by putting this episode in my ears. I was in the middle of this dumpster fire, and I didn't know how to get out, and this episode changed my life.

Speaker 1
01:00 - 01:35
So, even if it doesn't resonate with you, I would be so grateful if you got this into as many ears as possible. Having said that, I have a beautiful guest who is a return guest, Criss Madrigal, and she is someone whose story is going to land very deeply for so many of you. Criss is a sacred alignment coach and a mom of three, two of whom are identical twins with complex medical needs. She went from surviving the whirlwind of motherhood and a demanding corporate life to living the most aligned season of her life.

Speaker 1
01:36 - 02:19
Criss has walked the hard road of advocacy, fighting for her neurodivergent children while wrestling with the guilt of not being able to give the same time or energy and attention to her neurotypical child. This is something we talked about in the first episode, so this is the sequel. Her journey is a reminder that being a parent doesn't mean losing yourself, and that coming home to yourself is the most powerful advocacy you can model for your kids. And in this conversation, we talk about what it really means to show up for our kids, especially when one child's needs eclipses another, and how we as mothers can do the internal work, soften the guilt, and align with our deeper values, and trust ourselves again.

Speaker 1
02:19 - 02:29
Welcome back, Chris. Oh, thank you, Cheryl. And as you read that, I kind of got the chills again. Same.

Speaker 1
02:29 - 02:52
So funny. Yes. And you just said that so beautifully. And I know we're here today, you know, to focus on advocacy, but as you read that and you mentioned me living the most aligned season of my life, That's the part that gave me chills.

Speaker 1
02:54 - 03:08
And it gave me chills because I got there advocating for myself. Right. I couldn't agree more. I know we talked in the last episode about mom guilt.

Speaker 1
03:08 - 03:42
And we were going to talk about this as well. And as we got to the end of the episode on mom guilt, that warranted its own episode because It is such a vital conversation for moms, you know, and and then with me in my position as a spec ed specialist, the advocacy piece is huge. And I talked about it all the time during my career. There were so many times where I went up against administrators or teachers and even sometimes parents to have a voice for the kid.

Speaker 1
03:43 - 04:31
And I want to talk about I want to dive right into your definition. of advocacy and the difference between advocating for our kid and controlling and fixing for our kid and how we can know the difference? Yeah, it's a beautiful question and advocacy for me has always been a partnership. So whether that's advocating for my children for their medical needs at doctor's offices, or that's advocating for them at the school, I have always approached advocacy as a partnership.

Speaker 1
04:32 - 05:19
And in doing so, it has worked very, very well for me in all areas because I believe that I'm giving the doctors, the experts, subject matter experts, whatever it may be, I give them their space. I recognize their value, but I always make sure In any relationship that I'm in, I say, you are the subject matter expert of whatever it may be. I am the expert of my child, and together we will do this. That to me releases the control.

Speaker 1
05:23 - 06:04
Absolutely. When we and this is kind of going into my next question is You know, you've lived the realities of advocating for kids and now your twins are Diving into high school So, how does that shift move as they go into their teen years? Yeah well It's so important to teach them how to advocate for themselves, right? Because as, I mean, from the time they were born up until, you know, the most recent years, it's mom advocating for them.

Speaker 1
06:05 - 06:47
They don't have the knowledge. I mean, they're infants, they're babies, and now they're entering high school, but as teenagers, it's so important. who teach them how to speak up for themselves, how to ask questions that are going to help them with whatever it may be that they need support with. So this just reminds me beautifully because last week we were at the IEP meeting, the first meeting that they had the opportunity to sit in, to really see what it was like.

Speaker 1
06:50 - 07:14
It was beautiful that one of the questions that they always ask parents is, you know, what do you want support in? What do you need help in? And the one thing I say is help them advocate for themselves while they're out of school. Asking for help, you know, making them comfortable knowing that in them speaking up for their needs, that that is empowering.

Speaker 1
07:16 - 07:28
You know, part of my role, because I was in high school, part of my role was going into grade eight. And so our high school starts at grade nine, does yours? Yes. Okay, good.

Speaker 1
07:29 - 07:56
And I would go to grade eight, all the grade eight, what we call feeder schools coming into grade nine very early in the year because it was usually more than one or two meetings. And there was so many times where I said, I'm not sitting at the table without the kid. And, you know, the teachers or even the parent was like, well, I'm not talking about my kids weaknesses. Oh, neither am I.

Speaker 1
07:56 - 08:22
But they need to now know that they have a voice at the table and in preparation for that. This needs to not be the first time your child knows what's on their IEP and what it means. And even if it's in layman's terms, because they're very new to this process, they need to be at the table. And so I was hard-nosed on this.

Speaker 1
08:22 - 08:48
And again, if the kid wasn't showing up, We were moving to another meeting and I just found this even though it could be uncomfortable for the parent, to me it's validating the fact that there's nothing to hide. This is just your, you can say superpowers, you can say whatever it is you want. This doesn't define you. This is just a part of you.

Speaker 1
08:49 - 09:06
and being able to sit at this table with pride, with your parents. This is your now dream team, I used to call it. This is your dream team, right? And we are, all the people here are ready to have your back, but you are the star player of this team.

Speaker 1
09:06 - 09:23
We're just the coaches. And so I feel like it really involved them into knowing how, because this is forever. This isn't just for high school. They're going to go maybe to college, maybe to university, maybe straight to the workplace where they might need to go to HR and say, listen.

Speaker 1
09:23 - 10:00
I've always had this accommodation and I require this accommodation and knowing with full confidence, I am entitled to this accommodation and it starts way back there. Can you speak to that? Oh my gosh, so many things that you just talked to and you took me all the way to my career pre, you know, pre this because I worked in human resources and it's so important for people to advocate for themselves at the workplace. But I just want to start this by saying I love how you worded it by saying this is your dream team.

Speaker 1
10:01 - 10:12
You are the star player. That sounds very empowering. Yeah. Because I know my daughters have asked, well, what's an IEP?

Speaker 1
10:12 - 10:30
Why do we do this? And why does brother not have this, right? So I've always explained it as, you know, some people just need a little extra support and This is you receiving that support. It's nothing bad.

Speaker 1
10:31 - 11:03
It's just you having people that are there available for you to be successful. And obviously, you know, you have to kind of bring it down to words that they can understand and just grasp the concept. And this is that period in your day where they're there to help you. You know, depending on, you know, they've always had a class where it's like, no, we're going to put them in there because they can get extra support for homework or whatever.

Speaker 1
11:04 - 11:41
But in that advocacy, it is so important for them at this age, now in teenagers, to know that their voice matters. You know, and if you need somebody to help put into words what you're thinking, what you're feeling, parents, those at the school there to help you, or even in your profession, there's always someone there. And this isn't just, again, for teens or individuals that need additional support. This is for everybody.

Speaker 1
11:42 - 12:06
Your voice matters. And the earlier that you can teach them that, the better they will get at advocating for themselves in whatever scenario, even at home. And them speaking up, but allowing them to know, like, I'm not in control of you. Maybe I was at one point.

Speaker 1
12:07 - 12:34
Maybe I am, you know, to a certain extent. We're not going to just let it all go. But it's that empowerment that they get You know, of knowing that I'm going to speak up, I'm going to say what's in my heart, and know that I'm not going to get in trouble. And I make that, I'll just say, it's something that I've learned to, you know, just say at home.

Speaker 1
12:35 - 12:52
I want you to feel comfortable telling us what is on your mind, whatever it is. You're not going to get in trouble. And, you know, I think, too, when we are dealing with our kids, when they're scared to do this, I don't want to sit at the meeting. I don't want I don't want to ask.

Speaker 1
12:52 - 13:03
I don't want to. You know, it's always a win to refer back to, well, wait a minute. Remember when you asked for this? and you got it.

Speaker 1
13:04 - 13:25
Remember when you asked for, even if it is at home, you asked for help reading, you asked for help, you asked for it and you received it. And that was a win. You were very courageous, like pull out all those tiny, tiny moments where they were very courageous and not even thinking about it. And then refer back to, but this isn't your first time speaking up.

Speaker 1
13:27 - 13:35
And look at the win you got last time. And sometimes, it's on the soccer field. I want to play goalie or I want a different position. It could be something completely different from school.

Speaker 1
13:35 - 13:58
But if we try to remember the wins that they had when they did speak up for themselves, it might give them those building blocks of confidence saying, oh, yeah, OK. I did do it before. I can do it again. This is not just for teens or students that may have accommodations.

Speaker 1
13:58 - 14:21
This applies to everyone because my son will not advocate for himself. And he struggles in doing that. And I think that's a lot of teenagers, a lot. Because I remember even last year, like, honey, ask your teacher for this.

Speaker 1
14:22 - 14:43
Well, no, the deadline's passed. Okay. You just ask these questions or whatever it may have been, just ask. And in his asking, the teacher would assist in whatever way he or she needed to assist in encouraging him and doing this.

Speaker 1
14:44 - 15:00
And I try to point that out because it's like majority of students don't ask. But when you get the courage to ask, the teachers respond beautifully. At least that has been my experience. I know there's a lot of different experiences.

Speaker 1
15:02 - 15:17
And with that, I've always been very open and transparent with teachers. If I see my child struggling, I will email the teacher. Like, hey, what can I do at home? How can I support my child?

Speaker 1
15:18 - 15:35
And it creates this open line of communication. And I can't tell you how many teachers will email me back and say, thank you for sending this message. You will be surprised how many parents will not reach out. So thank you for reaching out.

Speaker 1
15:35 - 15:53
And the moment that I reach out, it almost adds a layer of support to your child. And I'm just saying, how can I support him or her as a parent from home? What are the things that you see in the classroom that I'm not seeing? This is what I see at home.

Speaker 1
15:55 - 16:26
And it creates a beautiful dialogue. And what's happening at home, a guy every once in a while would get, as the spec ed would get an email from parents, because I had great relationships with all my parents, listen, He woke up in a really crappy mood. He didn't take his meds. His mom didn't pick him up or his dad didn't, like there's all this turmoil going on in the morning and should he show up to school?

Speaker 1
16:27 - 17:08
in in his own little dumpster fire this is why so talk about being proactive as opposed to phoning a parent at home and saying oh my god you know jimmy was like this and like this and like this and then mom having to say Oh, okay. Well, this is what happened. So if you proactively send those notes out and I could distribute it, you know, to the teachers in confidence, just keep an eye out in confidence, you know, and just kind of have an oversight of what's happening. Just those little steps that keep you on your own dream team, your kid's dream team is so helpful.

Speaker 1
17:10 - 17:35
And you remind me of something that I've been doing for years. I really started doing this when my daughters, I guess it's in sixth grade when they start switching classes in our area. And now, instead of just having to communicate with one teacher, now, you know, there's seven different teachers. I need to know who's doing what.

Speaker 1
17:36 - 18:25
So what I began to do is at the beginning of the school year, kind of the first week, make sure everybody's settled in, I email their teachers. And I've created a beautiful one-page PDF document that says, meet my child, you know, meet and then I put their names on there. And it's a beautiful introduction and I describe in one brief paragraph, you know, their diagnosis, super brief because I keep it in one page. highlight some of the things that they may see, you know, anxiety is not, you know, is a big one, but how it's so subtle that teachers may not be able to notice it, right?

Speaker 1
18:26 - 18:50
So, different things, and then the way that we prefer to work. As parents, and that's when I make sure I put, as parents, we are the experts of our children, you are the subject matter expert of your class, and together, we're here to support our child. So it gives them that. It includes their picture.

Speaker 1
18:51 - 19:24
Each girl puts a quote on there that they want to put and my contact information, my phone number, my husband's phone number, you know, our emails. And in addition to that, because we have advocated in so many ways, there's a lot of, you know, there's articles out there from hospitals or, you know, a CNN health article or anything that links them. so they can know a little bit more of the history if they wish to do so. So it's like, here's the one page.

Speaker 1
19:25 - 20:02
And I know not everybody will have those links or articles or anything like that, but we put them there in a clickable form. So now if they're curious and want to learn more, each article gives a little bit more of their history. And in doing that, on the first week of school, it instantly opens up another line of communication. One, teachers know if their students have an IEP or this or that, and they might have to go into their records to see what exactly is this.

Speaker 1
20:02 - 20:18
They don't really have time for that. But when you take the initiative and say, hey, Meet my child, this is who we are as a family. This is who they are as individuals. And we're here to work together to make this a successful school year.

Speaker 1
20:19 - 20:41
I love that and I love and to piggyback on that when I used to do the grade 8 meetings, there were so many. heads in the lower grades who would create a brochure, exactly what you're talking about. And the kid would bring it to our IEP meeting in grade eight. And that was their kind of way of, you know, not just, you know.

Speaker 1
20:42 - 21:21
blurting out everything about them. They could just even read from it and it just gave them something to read from and I thought that is amazing and it's not harmful to have every grade 8 kid do that going into grade 9 in order to have that personal connection and I think to even add on to that I would say And can you create an acceptable, manageable communication system with the teacher? And I say that because sometimes parents get on the phone and they leave 15 messages and then they send all these emails and then it gets very overwhelming.

Speaker 1
21:21 - 21:36
But if you establish at the beginning of the year, beginning of the semester, Listen, what is the best way for both of us? Is it a Friday afternoon quick check-in email? Is it a quick Monday morning phone call? What works for both of you?

Speaker 1
21:37 - 21:52
And set that expectation prior to anything even happening. And that way, there's no miscommunication. Nobody's calling the principal to say, the teacher never answers my emails, or the parent never picks up the phone. And just setting those clear expectations.

Speaker 1
21:54 - 22:27
Being in my position I see I really kind of sit on both sides of the fence Yeah, I have the parents in my office and I have the teachers here and I have admin here So I really have almost like a full view of the playing field and all the players And how they all kind of navigate together and when you create an open and manageable Expectation clear communication it really eliminate so many of the issues that come up when it comes to advocating. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Speaker 1
22:32 - 23:03
wanting to, you know, really involve themselves and involve their kids and advocating with them. What are some ways that they can do that besides just sitting in on a meeting? Like, do you have other suggestions, conversations, decisions, you know, about their own needs? You know, and, I think it depends on, you know, if you're talking about schools, right?

Speaker 1
23:03 - 23:24
Or if you're talking just advocacy in general, I guess I'll just share a couple, right? Teaching our children how to advocate for themselves, even at home. You know, when you're sitting at the breakfast table, dinner table, it's opening those lines of communication, right? Making them feel safe.

Speaker 1
23:26 - 23:51
knowing that what they're going to, you know, ask for request that it's not going to be met with a backlash, right? Or met with a lot of other questions or met with, you know, something that's going to make them feel uncomfortable. And I say this because I have been the mom and we'll make it very, you know, simple example. You guys have these chores to do.

Speaker 1
23:53 - 24:12
and you better do them because I said so kind of thing, right? To moving it more where, hey, these are the chores that need to get done. You don't like it? Speak up.

Speaker 1
24:13 - 24:32
Negotiate with your siblings on who doesn't want to do it, right? We have a list of chores that must be done daily. And there's one that absolutely will not touch the dishes, even if that's the chore. Procrastinate, procrastinate until somebody else does them.

Speaker 1
24:32 - 24:52
You know, there's another one that it's like, I'd rather vacuum and clean a bathroom than do this. So even little things like that. teaches them advocacy because it's like, this is what needs to be done or what should be done or that I would love to be done. You know, I guess watching my words matters.

Speaker 1
24:53 - 25:30
So this is what I love to be done, you know, and I know I have my son and again, but I'll just touch on this, just a dash, which is learning his human design. That's a topic for a completely another day. But in me learning his human design, I was able to understand that he is the type of person that needs to just, I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do instead of you telling me what to do. So with him, it starts to look differently.

Speaker 1
25:32 - 25:41
How are you going to contribute today? What are the chores that you're going to do? And it gives him that power to say, okay, I'm going to do this, this and this. That's how I'm contributing today.

Speaker 1
25:42 - 25:51
Love it. Yeah. And then for the others that the girls that they're very much like, give me a to do list. I'll knock it down fast.

Speaker 1
25:52 - 26:04
You know, they do that. But then I had one yesterday that said, you know what? I am not feeling folding the laundry, even though she volunteered. She's like, can I just not do it and do it tomorrow?

Speaker 1
26:05 - 26:22
Yes, that works. But I say this, which just seems like such a small thing, but it's those day-to-day moments that teach them how to speak up for themselves. And that is advocacy. And how to collaborate.

Speaker 1
26:23 - 26:27
Yes. That's amazing. I love that. I love that.

Speaker 1
26:27 - 27:01
So, and I want to turn this because when I think of the times where parents were coming in for meetings and they said, I'm bringing an advocate. Well, this would send teachers and sometimes admin into the spiral. And it doesn't have to be like that. And I also want to go down the path, too, that when parents are trying to advocate for their kids, and they come in guns a-blazing.

Speaker 1
27:01 - 27:15
And it's happened. It happened all the time in high school, all the time. And I would say to teachers, listen, they're not mad. They're so frigging scared.

Speaker 1
27:16 - 27:32
And this is how it comes across. They're scared their kid's not going to meet the expectations. They're scared their kid's not gonna graduate, not get the grade, not make any friends, not have somebody to have lunch with, sit in a corner. They're afraid of all of these things.

Speaker 1
27:32 - 27:59
And if you don't have a child who's neurodivergent, you might not be able to truly empathize with what that looks like. So can we, before we even sit down with this very angry parent, can we address the fact that I know you're scared. Do you understand what I'm saying? It was such a topic and I mean not one or two meetings.

Speaker 1
27:59 - 28:32
I mean 50% of the meetings I sat down with parents were just blazing mad but they were just petrified. There's so many things I could say with that. Well, I'll speak to the side of, you know, the teachers and let's say anybody who's sitting in the room where there is an angry parent, you know, and my message to them is, it's not about you. It's about them.

Speaker 1
28:33 - 28:53
the parent, like you just said, who is scared, who is mad, who has all these feelings. And guess what? There's something deeper behind all those feelings that that parent is showing up with. And most of the time is who's taking care of the parent.

Speaker 1
28:55 - 29:09
And I say that as, what do you mean he was taking care of the parent? Who is holding them in that emotional space? Because they've been doing the advocacy for their child. Many times it's the mom that shows up to these meetings.

Speaker 1
29:09 - 29:20
It could be both, right? But my experience has been mothers. They're taking care of, you know, all the needs. They're running the household, you know, taking care of all this stuff.

Speaker 1
29:20 - 29:55
But when you really sit there and ask, it's like, who's taking care of them? And taking care may not be like the right word or the right way of explaining it, but who's paying attention to them? Because most of the time when a parent shows up with all those bottled up feelings, they're just getting them out. And these are all feelings that are stemming from months and maybe years of just not feeling, seeing themselves.

Speaker 1
29:55 - 30:37
Yeah, you don't know their history of they could have come up against teacher after teacher after teacher who they felt didn't hear them, didn't see them, didn't hear their child. And, you know, I'm even thinking of the most kids with the most significant needs I was working with, you know, on the spectrum, non-speaking. And I always thought, you know, when a parent has a kid at home, And they're going out somewhere, you know, you have a baby and you're going out and you leave your baby with the trusted grandparent or aunt and uncle. And then, you know, your baby grows up and has these very significant needs.

Speaker 1
30:38 - 31:26
And this parent every single day drops their kid off at the front door of the school and literally has no idea what's going to happen. And teachers are trusted adults in every sense of the word. But when you think about the parent's connection to the kid and what they know could happen, might happen, 17 calls later, come and pick them up, all of that, they are trusting the most loved person in their heart in this building. And so when something goes sideways, I would be going guns a-blazing too if I didn't know any better because you lose that control, that sense of control over what's happening with your kid all the time.

Speaker 1
31:26 - 31:50
It's hard. And you know, I'm very fortunate in a way that you know. Our daughters have always been in regular mainstream classrooms with maybe being pulled out for one period or one class, but they're in high school and it's all mainstream and they have a little bit of a different structure. So.

Speaker 1
31:52 - 32:01
That's one thing, and the message I always get, oh, your girls are so well-behaved. They're, you know, they're so quiet. They're so sweet. They're so this, they're so that.

Speaker 1
32:01 - 32:21
All positive things, right? But underneath all of that is a child who is scared of speaking up. who rather agree to things, who is just silent. And those are the things that teachers may not see.

Speaker 1
32:22 - 32:50
And I'm grateful that, you know, there are girls that are loved by their teachers because they're so well-behaved because of this, because of that, you know. But beneath all of that are also teenagers that want to be seen. And I'll add in my case as individuals, because they're twins. I don't want to be in the same classroom anymore.

Speaker 1
32:50 - 33:21
I don't want to be separate. But yeah, and so same thing, you know, when these parents show up very upset, It's having that compassion. And I know when they show up and they're fired up and attacking, and I'll just use that word loosely, but, you know, just like with their words, just in what is a natural response, you know, maybe as a teacher to get defensive, you know, like those were not my intentions or maybe, you know, the teacher said something or whatever.

Speaker 1
33:21 - 33:45
But you come into these moments where sometimes What we need is compassion for one another from the parents to the teachers as well. Like they're in a classroom trying to manage 20 to 30, you know, whatever, depending on the size of the school and all that. Yeah. Students at one, you know, at one time trying to run a classroom with, you know, all these multiple distractions.

Speaker 1
33:46 - 34:11
It's like, what happened to having compassion for one another? We lose that. And in losing that, I think it's where these conflicts begin. What if we just walked into these meetings as parents, having compassion for the teachers, being grateful for the time that they spend with our children, doing their best to teach them?

Speaker 1
34:12 - 34:31
Because I'd like to believe that my, you know, children's teachers are doing the best they can in the environment that they are. Because even that, there are teachers that go above and beyond. Above and beyond. And do we see them?

Speaker 1
34:32 - 34:57
Do we recognize them? That's the idea here. Let's have compassion for one another. Let's see you, Cheryl, for who you are, the person that's trying to advocate for the student, for the teachers, being that center person trying to manage all this.

Speaker 1
34:58 - 35:49
And being, like I said earlier, kind of on the fence where I see the whole playing field, I know. There are the odd teacher that Yes, maybe but there's the odd doctor. There's the odd tim hortons Uh server, there's the odd everything But I can tell you with every fiber of my being in 28 years of public school system 98 percent of teachers Love and do nothing more than want to support and care for the kids in their classroom. And if you in any way, shape or form are feeling like that is not accurate, then that is an advocacy, how do I come at this with compassion kind of conversation.

Speaker 1
35:50 - 36:22
And I'll add as well, and maybe you can share just a tiny bit on your end from your experience, but my experience has been that even the Dream Team, I'm gonna call it that from here on, even the Dream Team does their very best to match the students with teachers that they know are gonna help them thrive. All the time. I, that was my significantly, that was a big part of my job in August.

Speaker 1
36:23 - 36:56
Just sorting out, and not because, you just knew in your grade eight meetings, you started, that's when I was taking notes. Okay, well, you know what? This kid doesn't really jive with this kind of teaching style, but would totally jive with this kind of teaching style. That's no, but the next person, yep, totally, like it's not a judgment against a teaching style, but I should start to get to know, and this is great, when parents in the grade eight meeting say, listen, You really need to be firm and be on top of them

Speaker 1
36:56 - 37:03
and make them accountable. Or you've got the ones who are like, they'll do their job. They'll get it done. Just let them sit in the back and get it.

Speaker 1
37:04 - 37:25
Just make it a very comfortable teaching environment based on getting to know each other in grade eight. So there's the great big part of the meetings. And yeah, I find that, you know, sometimes parents get the bad rap and sometimes teachers get the bad rap. And I just think, I love what you just said.

Speaker 1
37:25 - 37:58
How can we have, I feel like that, how can we have compassion should be a big neon sign in the meeting room. How can I look at the sign and say, okay, how can I, like parents going into an advocacy meeting, What can they tell themselves going in there that will set them up for a successful meeting? And also remembering our kids might be right beside us. Yes, and your children will model what you do.

Speaker 1
38:01 - 38:15
And so the parents that come home and hang up the phone and say, oh, this teacher and I pay their taxes and blah, blah, blah. Listen, your kids are absorbing all of everything. If you feel that way, that's fine. Call a friend.

Speaker 1
38:18 - 38:40
Go have a glass of wine and vent all you want. But when you start spewing these things out at home, that's not advocacy. And that is setting your kid up into feeling like no matter when they go to school, they're being targeted and now they're looking for reasons to not feel comfortable. And I find that's also a big deal.

Speaker 1
38:40 - 39:23
Yes. I want to, before we wrap up, I would love to say or ask, fast forward 10 years, what do you hope your own children will say about how you taught them to speak up for themselves? Okay, I love this. So we're going to fast forward and my desire is for my children to say My parents taught me to first off, love myself and love others.

Speaker 1
39:24 - 39:59
And in that, be able to have a good relationship with teachers, you know, anybody that they encounter. And that in itself is advocacy, because advocacy begins here at home in your heart with you. My parents taught me to first love myself and in that to love others. Okay.

Speaker 1
40:00 - 40:07
He answered that perfectly, obviously. Beautiful, beautiful. I love that. I just love it.

Speaker 1
40:07 - 40:59
Criss thank you so much for your expertise and your passion and your vulnerability, you know, bringing your kids into these conversations sometimes might be hard and I appreciate that there's somebody listening or watching going, oh, I had no idea. And I also want to say before we wrap up that if you feel like you do not have the information or the skills to advocate for your kids the first time, the second time, there are advocates out there who will. I'm plugging myself, but there's also many advocates who will meet with you and explain to you what your rights are and how to ask for them and how to collaborate with the dream team. And this isn't a forever thing.

Speaker 1
40:59 - 41:23
This is until you understand your own power to do it yourself and be able to extend that power to your kids to step into their own light and be able to speak. So it could be you might have that missing link. You might have to seek out an advocate to help you out for the first couple of times or, you know, just to give you some information. And there's nothing wrong with that as well.

Speaker 1
41:23 - 41:36
And again, it's not a long term. It's the whole point of hiring an advocate is to give you the tools. So you can continue to do it. So then your kids can continue to do it for themselves.

Speaker 1
41:37 - 41:44
 thank you, thank you, thank you once again. Again, this is the second one. I think we're going to have a third one now.

Speaker 1
41:44 - 41:58
The human design. I'm so interested in that. Parenting with human design sounds like a great topic. I want to ask you to tell everybody how to find you, how to seek you out, how to work with you, all things Criss

Speaker 1
41:58 - 42:27
Yes. So anybody can find me on social media. and their favorite social media platform by my first and last name. I also have a Facebook community that is full of soul-led experts and leaders for the high-achieving women who's ready to just reconnect with they desire most, right?

Speaker 1
42:27 - 42:54
And so that's keeping it very basic, but it's an invitation for people to join my community there. And I think within that community, all other resources are dropped there as well on ways that we can work together. But if somebody is really listening to this, and there's something that just resonated, please reach out to me. I love to have that conversation.

Speaker 1
42:54 - 43:13
I love to help, especially moms just come back home to what they need most in their heart, which is love. I love it. Everything will be in the show notes. I want to thank you again,Criss, for doing what you're doing in this world.

Speaker 1
43:13 - 43:36
We need you and I appreciate you and I appreciate the listeners and the watchers on YouTube. Thank you for listening to another episode of Parenting Team's Advice Redefined. I'm Cheryl Pankhurst and I'm so grateful you're here and I will see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode.

Speaker 1
43:36 - 44:02
I hope you loved this one as much as I did. And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting.

Speaker 1
44:02 - 44:22
And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids. Because here's the truth. The transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm.

Speaker 1
44:22 - 44:37
We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days.

Speaker 1
44:38 - 44:43
It all starts with a call. There's no pitch. There's no pressure. Just a call to see if I can help.

Speaker 1
44:44 - 44:54
We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way. And everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes. Again, I'm Cheryl.

Speaker 1
44:54 - 45:06
Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting. Have a great day.