~130~“Enough Is Enough: How to Stop Abandoning Yourself and Start Speaking Up”

#SelfAdvocacy, #Advocacy, #PersonalBoundaries, #TruthTelling

In this raw, unfiltered episode of Parenting Teens – Advice Redefined for Today’s World, host Cheryl Pankhurst pulls back the curtain on the part of us that most of us keep hidden: advocating for ourselves. We hear the endless stream of “perfect” lives on social media, but the messy, un‑filtered truth is rarely shown. Cheryl shares her own breakthrough moment—how she moved from endless people‑pleasing to standing up for herself with calm, clear‑cut honesty.

Listeners will learn:

• Why self‑advocacy isn’t aggression, it’s clarity and courage.
• Simple, low‑volume ways to set boundaries with teens, partners, and coworkers.
• How to recognize the “calm‑as‑compass” feeling that tells you you’ve done the right thing.
• A quick “Storm‑Check” exercise you can model for your teen right now.

If you’re a parent of a teenager who feels stuck in the “peace‑keeper” role, this episode gives you the language and confidence to model healthy boundaries for your family.

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Speaker 1
00:03 - 00:47
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens, Advice Redefined for Today's World, and this is the WTF series, Welcome to Friday, or What the Fuck, which is the theme for me this week. This is the space where we speak the truth, not just about parenting, life transitions, but the messy, beautiful work of coming home to ourselves. I'm your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and I'm really grateful that you're lending me your ear today. And WTF, the whole point of it was not just to be the coach of me, the part of me that advocates for other people, for the world except for myself.

Speaker 1
00:47 - 01:09
but also to show up as me. And not just in the sunshine, but also in the shit storms. And, you know, we don't all get to just sing on the beach, and sometimes we get in the middle of these torrential downpours. And it's how we see it and how we come out of it.

Speaker 1
01:10 - 01:47
And, you know, when you're scrolling on Facebook and Instagram, and you're seeing this, people who have already got to the other side, people have already done what you want to do. But there's that gap in the middle, where you don't see their messy stuff, you don't see the crap, you just see, oh, and here I am, you know, the million dollar person with the million dollar life. But there's that gap of how you got there. There's that gap of how you come out to the other side, not necessarily as the millionaire, but as the person that you want to be, the person that you truly are deep down inside.

Speaker 1
01:48 - 02:24
And sometimes we got to just go back and find that person. So today is definitely the Today I'm going to talk to you about a word that has shaped my entire life and my career, and that is advocacy. Advocacy is the speaking up on behalf of someone's needs, their rights, their well-being, protecting, defending, championing what matters. And I have lived this role for students, for parents, for colleagues, for my own family and friends.

Speaker 1
02:24 - 02:43
But today we're going to talk about the part that we, most of us, avoid. And that's advocating for ourselves. What it really means, advocacy isn't aggression. It isn't necessarily conflict and it isn't drama.

Speaker 1
02:44 - 03:01
Advocacy is clarity. Advocacy is truth spoken out loud. It is the willingness to stand between someone's harmful behavior, intentional or not. and your own well-being.

Speaker 1
03:01 - 03:12
We teach our kids to do this. We step into the fire for the people we love. But the moment it's about us, the old patterns show up. Keep the peace.

Speaker 1
03:12 - 03:18
Don't rock the boat. Don't poke the bear. Be nice. Stay small.

Speaker 1
03:20 - 03:38
My pattern and maybe yours. I have spent my life becoming the mama bear for everyone else. I step up, I speak up, I protect. And yet in the moments that matter most for me, I disappeared.

Speaker 1
03:39 - 04:14
Not because I'm weak, but because the little girl who learned to keep everyone comfortable still lives inside me. She learned that kindness and harmony meant safety. So when this recent transaction in my life became very heavy, when the treatment I was receiving felt unfair, it felt unkind and lasted way too long and I kept doing what I always done. I journaled.

Speaker 1
04:16 - 04:24
I listed gratitude. I wrote over and over daily. I send them love. I send them grace.

Speaker 1
04:25 - 04:38
even on the days when my heart was breaking. I would list all the beautiful memories we had, everything I was grateful for. And grateful is beautiful. Grace is powerful.

Speaker 1
04:39 - 05:18
But there comes a moment when continuing to send love almost feels like abandoning yourself. A way of staying silent and a way of avoiding the truth that needs to be spoken. So there was the breaking point and this week I hit mine. Every thought I had tucked away, every moment I had minimized, every comment I had swallowed came out, not in rage, but in truth, in raw honesty.

Speaker 1
05:20 - 05:40
And it didn't come from a place of connection or longing for reconciliation. It came from a place of self-respect. And here's what surprised me. When it was done, I expected this wave of guilt.

Speaker 1
05:41 - 06:02
I expected regret. I expected the old peacekeeper in me to come storming back with shame. But she didn't. What arrived was calm, a wave of gratitude from me to me.

Speaker 1
06:03 - 06:42
The gratitude of finally standing up for myself with the same veracity that I had spent decades using to protect everyone else. And when I walked away, I thought, I don't even recognize myself right now, but I sure like the new version of me. Not any situation in my life had ever resulted in the conversation I had in that moment. But it was the new me, not even the new me, it was the real me.

Speaker 1
06:43 - 07:05
Being fully aware of who I am, what I stand for, the power I can be in, and who I have always been. So what self-advocacy really feels like? It's not an easy path. It demands clarity.

Speaker 1
07:05 - 07:32
It demands courage. And it demands that we face the fear of someone else's reaction. But when you speak your truth, not to harm and not to shame, but because you matter, your body will know the difference. Your nervous system will settle.

Speaker 1
07:32 - 07:53
The guilt never arrives. The peace shows up like a quiet yes. That's how you know you did the right thing. So I'm wondering, are you where I was at this point?

Speaker 1
07:53 - 08:08
Maybe you're listening and thinking, I don't want to blow up. I don't want the confrontation, and I don't want to hurt anyone. Good. You don't need any of that.

Speaker 1
08:09 - 08:32
Self-advocacy doesn't have to be explosive. It can be a single sentence, one boundary, a truth said softly but very clearly. I won't participate in this dynamic anymore. This doesn't feel respectful to me.

Speaker 1
08:32 - 08:47
I need this to change. This is not okay. The courage is not in the volume. The courage is in the honesty.

Speaker 1
08:48 - 09:19
And when you walk away from that conversation with a feeling of calm, even if the situation isn't resolved, even if the other person doesn't like it, the calm is your compass. The calm says you stood with yourself. You didn't abandon yourself again. You acted in alignment with who you are becoming.

Speaker 1
09:20 - 09:56
And I promise, this pride comes not the ego kind. The grounded, steady, quiet pride of, I finally acted like someone I value. I finally stood up for me in the same way I stood up for my family, my friends, my colleagues, even strangers that you fight for, social justice that you fight for, all of those things that you advocate for. You finally became the one you advocated for.

Speaker 1
09:58 - 10:18
So here is your WTF moment for this week. Love yourself enough to use your voice. Advocate for yourself with the same tenderness and conviction that you deserve. Your kids need to see this.

Speaker 1
10:19 - 10:37
Your soul requires it. I want to thank you for being here with me today. And if this message landed, share it with someone who needs a reminder that courage isn't loud. It's honest.

Speaker 1
10:38 - 11:14
And as I continue to bring WTF to you, it will be with this authenticity and vulnerability who I am, what I'm going through, and how I'm coming out the other side. And I've learned something to say to myself that feels so good. And it might sound really strange, but I am really becoming the person who loves these shit storms. I love the dark.

Speaker 1
11:15 - 12:02
I love the scarcity. I love The turbulence, as much as I love the calm and the peace and the copacetic relationships, I love all of it. Because when I come out of that one storm, I am a different version of me that I want to be. When I come out of the dark, I know, I am fully aware of, the different identity I'm taking on, the one that I want, the person I always want to be, that is the person who goes through all of life with the challenges, the sunshine, and the shit

Speaker 1
12:02 - 12:21
storms. So when you're in the middle of it, like just in the middle of it, can you just close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, say, I love this storm. I love this arc. I love it.

Speaker 1
12:21 - 12:36
I love it all. Because when I come out of it, I am going to be another version of me. Coming to you from Cheryl 2.0. Thank you for listening.

Speaker 1
12:36 - 12:51
Again, if you have any comments, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me. I'm happy to guide you. If you are at the beginning of this journey and need a little help getting through it, I'm here for you. You're not alone.

Speaker 1
12:53 - 13:02
And I will see you next time on WTF. Welcome to Friday, or what the? Have a beautiful day.