~134~ "Protecting Teens Online: Practical Privacy Hacks for Parents" with Chris Parker

#privacy, #onlineSafety, #teenPrivacy, #digitalFootprint, #parentingTeens

In this power‑packed interview, host Cheryl sits down with Chris Parker—creator of whatsmyipaddress.com, host of the Easy Prey podcast, and author of Privacy Crisis: How to Maintain Your Privacy Without Becoming a Hermit—to uncover the hidden privacy threats that teens (especially neuro‑divergent teens) face every day.

From the “perfect” Instagram photo that fuels impossible comparison, to manipulative micro‑ads that hijack emotions, to the silent danger of identity theft via a child’s credit report, Chris shares real‑world, actionable tactics every parent can start using tonight.

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Speaker 1
00:01 - 00:42
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for today's world, where we have the real, raw conversations, and where it turns out if you're struggling with your teen, it's you, it's not them, and that's where the magic happens. And today on this show, I am so thrilled to welcome a leading voice in online safety and digital privacy, Chris Parker. Chris is the founder of whatsmyipaddress.com, a resource trusted by millions every month for clear expert guidance on IP addresses and cybersecurity. He's also the host of Easy Prey podcast, where he breaks down how to avoid scams, fraud, and manipulation in our increasingly connected world.

Speaker 1
00:42 - 01:17
And Chris is the author of the fabulous Privacy Crisis, How to Maintain Your Privacy Without Becoming a Hermit, a tactical and practical guide for real world strategies, not paranoia, for protecting your data, your identity, and your family. Today, we're going to learn how his insights apply specifically to parents of teens, especially as we think of the unique risks of our neurodivergent teens, what they face online and how to help them navigate their digital lives and safely and confidently. Chris, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

Speaker 1
01:17 - 01:25
Cheryl, thank you for having me on. I really appreciate it. I love the work you're doing. And I want to say first, Chris, what's your why here?

Speaker 1
01:25 - 01:31
Why are you doing this? Why the book? Why the work you're doing? Let's hear all good things, Chris, before we start.

Speaker 1
01:31 - 01:56
It's really interesting because it was not a planned, hey, I want to go into privacy or online safety. It has just kind of been the natural progression of life that has happened to me. When I started whatismyipaddress.com, I started to get years into it, I started to get emails from people, Hey, I think I've, I think I've been scammed. I don't think this person is who I thought they are.

Speaker 1
01:56 - 02:13
I think my mom's, you know, I think she's in a romance scam or I I've lost my life savings. Can you help me get it back? And just hearing enough of those stories was like, man, I, I've got this platform. I've got a, I've got a nice soapbox that I can stand up on.

Speaker 1
02:13 - 02:59
I can, I can afford to do a podcast and not have to worry about ROI and all the business stuff of it. And like, if I can help one person say, save their life savings, help a relative or her kid from not falling victim to a scam or extortion, like to me, that is. well worth the amount of time and effort that i put into it and i think you know when it comes to privacy so much these days it's it's kind of either it's it's it's very binary very black and white people have either taken the route of there is no such thing as privacy i'm not going to bother to try to do anything or the opposite of i'm going to be a hermit i'm gonna you know, put on my tinfoil hat, sit in a Ferdi cage.

Speaker 1
03:00 - 03:24
And those aren't, neither of those are practical, safe ways to live our current life. And people just need simple, practical tools to just not be low-hanging fruit. I agree, and it can't be any more overwhelming sometimes when we look at this sort of thing. And I want to start off with, before we even get into the technology, I'd love to start with the human side of this.

Speaker 1
03:25 - 04:11
What is the one privacy risk? that teens face today that most parents have no idea even exists and how does it shape their identity and how they feel safe and how they see themselves in the world like with this whole technology human side. I don't know if this is, I guess this is a risk, but not, and maybe it's, I think parents are probably reasonably have thought this through, is I don't think kids realize how much social media and content online isn't real. Not that it's AI generated, but that it is so ridiculously curated.

Speaker 1
04:11 - 04:27
I was telling a story of one of my vendors sent me a care package and I thought it was really nice and sweet of them. I want to take a picture of it, post it on my social media account and say thank you. You know, put it out. Now, take a picture that doesn't look right.

Speaker 1
04:27 - 04:33
Let me move it over here. My wife comes out. Hey, put a light over here. Let's go out in the patio.

Speaker 1
04:33 - 04:53
And like two hours later, I've got a nice photo. It took me two hours to do that. Like, there's this thought that what we see on social media and even as adults, like we see what people put on social media and we go, I want that life. Why can't, you know, that person looks really good.

Speaker 1
04:53 - 05:04
I should look really good. They made that look easy. It should be easy for me. We didn't see the 142 fail attempts and that's not what's posted online.

Speaker 1
05:04 - 05:25
And that it sets us up for this totally unrealistic sense of self. Yeah, okay, so let's go right into that. So how do parents have these conversations with their kids when that's exactly what their kids are comparing? I'm older now, so it's easy for me to say, listen, comparison is a thief of joy.

Speaker 1
05:25 - 05:36
I don't even do it. I don't look at it, I don't do it. I know there's a whole bunch of shit in the middle of that. But how do parents have these conversations with their teens like this isn't real?

Speaker 1
05:36 - 05:42
Well, look, mom, It's on my phone. How is it not real? Look what they're doing. How do they have these conversations?

Speaker 1
05:43 - 05:55
To me it starts with like I look at myself and how I want to be treated as an adult and how I want to be treated as a kid. I wanted to be listened to. I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be treated as an equal.

Speaker 1
05:55 - 06:15
Okay, I'm kidding. I'm not necessarily to be treated as equal. But the conversations that I've seen that are successful is when parents relate it to themselves and relate it to the kid. Hey, wow, I'm looking at my friends online, and it looks like they've got a great life, but I know so-and-so.

Speaker 1
06:15 - 06:30
I know how much work it took for her to get this picture, or I know the back story behind this. Or, gosh, I'm seeing my friends, their lives look great. I feel kind of discouraged about it. I feel sad about that because I feel like, you know, we've got to work really hard to get it.

Speaker 1
06:32 - 06:53
Hey, son, how do you feel about it when you see what your friends are posting online? I think when we model kind of that realism and that practicality, kids feel safe to say, yeah, I see it. We're just asking the questions like, how long do you think it took them to get a picture like that? Yeah.

Speaker 1
06:53 - 07:01
Let's sit down and try to do that together and see how long it takes. That's so good. That is so good. Oh, I love that.

Speaker 1
07:01 - 07:30
So is there a way to then, in these conversations, can we think of a way to get ahead of it, instead of getting in the middle of it, in the middle of the crisis, like, look at this, I don't have this. Is there a way to have these conversations ahead of time with our kids, to kind of be ahead of the game, so when it comes up, the kid's like, oh, yeah, dad already told me about this. I think it's pure and simple. You have to have those conversations ahead of the time.

Speaker 1
07:30 - 08:02
I think kids are probably exposed to way more things at an earlier age than we expect to happen. I'm by no means an expert on How do you have the, uh, the right question age, you know, the age appropriate questions. But I think like the exposure of stuff on the internet, kids are getting exposed to stuff way earlier to themes and situations than we ever did when we were kids. So knock a few years off of it.

Speaker 1
08:03 - 08:11
Yeah. Well, and two, okay. So I want to get your opinion on this. What age should kids have phones?

Speaker 1
08:11 - 08:18
And what age should kids have internet, social media, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What do you think? 21. Oh!

Speaker 1
08:20 - 08:37
No, I mean, that's what I think. Is that practical? It's not practical. I mean, how do you tell a kid, look, the statistics are the more time you spend on social media, the worse your mental health is going to be?

Speaker 1
08:37 - 08:49
All your friends are on social media. We didn't live our lives online growing up. Maybe we do a little bit now, but that wasn't how our lives were lived. So it's a little bit hard for me to connect with.

Speaker 1
08:50 - 09:27
you know, how do you, how do you, how do you not be online when all your friends are online? So my personal opinion is 21 when you're out of college and you know how to function and your prefrontal cortex is developed better in place, but that's not practical as long as you can delay kids have access to devices. Yeah. And my, and my personal thought is, you know, maybe, grade nine only for but not internet like that if you feel like you need a ride home or you're going out with your friends and you can just text only and then I think 16 because I think by

Speaker 1
09:27 - 10:15
16 we have had 16 years to like embed our values and morals into their heads until they can't even see any different and then they can discern But but I like your answer better to be perfectly honest 21. It's like but but the reality is that's not really like Yeah emotionally and the statistics of the math say 21 The reality is You know, you you're not gonna have a properly my guess is your kid's not gonna be well adjusted They're not going to be able to connect with people in that way So I think prior to that is, what elements do you have access to and for how much time? And those have to be monitored and those have to be maintained and they have to be intentional.

Speaker 1
10:15 - 10:24
You can spend this much time on TikTok. Well, but I wanna spend more time. Well, it doesn't help, it hurts your brain. It doesn't help you to be a well-balanced person.

Speaker 1
10:25 - 10:50
You wanna be on TikTok, then you gotta go out and run around in the dirt for a while first. Yeah, yeah. So when and I'm thinking about, you know, all the like, emergence of things coming through their phone, I'm thinking of, of data, personal data. And I'm thinking of, I'm in my office on my computer, thinking about a new bedspread, and it pops up on my phone in another room.

Speaker 1
10:51 - 11:01
And I'm like, Oh, my God, like, is that data collection? And how does that happen? And and is there a way for us to go No, I don't want this data. Is there a way to protect ourselves?

Speaker 1
11:02 - 11:44
A lot of that is, I'm not one who believes that our watches and our phones are broadcasting to every company out there what we're doing and where we're doing it. but the predictive models are just, are really incredibly accurate of behaviors. There was a study a number of years ago that Target was able to determine where women were in their pregnancy based on the products that they were shopping for and could often predict a woman's pregnancy based on the products that she was shopping for. So in any cases, sometimes before the women even knew they were pregnant.

Speaker 1
11:44 - 12:09
So there's when there is just tons and tons and tons of data, you can start looking at it and saying, well, we don't know that this causes that. But there's that correlation that, you know, when when you have had too many sweets, then you start craving salty foods. And so therefore, next to every ice cream shop, there's going to be a pretzel shop. I don't know, you know, what's those pretzels going to be right next to the ice cream store?

Speaker 1
12:10 - 12:34
Yeah. Like, The data is all over the place. And so we have to be mindful of what we share, how we share it, and the patterns of things that we do that result in sharing of data. So if you go on Google, when you're logged into your Google account, and you start searching for stuff, Google now takes that data and says, I know it's you.

Speaker 1
12:34 - 12:53
You're logged into your account and you're searching for X, Y, and Z. And we're going to do lookalike audiences that other people that are looking for winter comforters, they're also looking for throw pillows. And they're also looking for, I don't know, space heaters. And we're going to start showing you advertisements for that.

Speaker 1
12:53 - 13:25
And we're going to adjust our search results to get you to the things that we think that you want. And so rather than, you know, using Google search while we're logged in, or YouTube, or even like TikTok, incognito browsers, or think of like using the Brave browser in incognito mode, is that going to protect your privacy in that session? No. But when that session is done, there's at least less data that ties back to you specifically.

Speaker 1
13:25 - 13:33
Oh, interesting. I've never heard that before. What is a digital footprint? You tell me what that is.

Speaker 1
13:34 - 14:22
It is all the stuff that we do online, that when you stay logged in, you click on ads, you do searches, you go on YouTube, all the sites that we visit, all these things are all interconnected in some way or another. visit almost any website, they use Google Analytics to track user behavior. And, you know, Google and Facebook and a couple of these other companies, they live and breathe on large amounts of data and predicting what we're going to do. And I don't want to say manipulating us, but feeding us things that they think is going to be likely to result in either you staying on their platform or a financial transaction that they will get a little piece of.

Speaker 1
14:23 - 14:52
Interesting. And, and so as an adult, as a parent, like we face different risks, what would be the difference in the dangers of risks for the teens, as opposed to the dangers of risks for parents or older adults, when we're looking at our screens, when we're, when we're, creating our digital footprint? I think it's a matter of how we respond to what we see.

Speaker 1
14:52 - 15:15
One of the things like if you spend enough time on TikTok or Google or any platform that offers you short form content that when you swipe, and I don't want to watch that swipe, swipe, swipe, you're telling the platform, this is content I want to see, this is content I don't want to see. And if you just hesitate, And watch just for a couple seconds. It's like, Oh, okay.

Speaker 1
15:16 - 15:47
I think we, I think we've got something here. And kind of one of the weird side effects of a lot of these algorithms, and I don't believe it's intentional, it's just one of the weird side effects that I've seen, is that content just starts to skew more and more extreme, more and more sensational, more and more emotional. And if we have brains that are a little bit more emotional, we haven't figured out our hormone balances, those things affect us more.

Speaker 1
15:48 - 16:03
So I think like as adults, we're going to be put in the same position where we see those things. I think as adults, we are often a little bit better regulated and go, Ooh, I don't want to see that. Well, let's, let's go the other way. Or I want to see pictures of puppies instead.

Speaker 1
16:03 - 16:27
Whereas kids kind of just start following down this path of more emotional, more aggressive content. You know, it's funny, and I'm just starting to be really aware of this now on Instagram. There's now, you know, they say if you stay on a specific reel or whatever, then it creates that algorithm. I still wish I knew what that meant, but I don't.

Speaker 1
16:27 - 16:49
But I'm watching these things. Over the past month, I've noticed on Instagram, there's now This old guy crying and holding a horse and say, if you just stay on here for six seconds, you can help me save my farm and my horses won't be put to sleep and my dog sanctuary, we don't have to like euthanize it. I'm like literally so emotionally involved.

Speaker 1
16:49 - 17:30
And now, you know, now I have the, you know, audacity to scroll past this. I'm a terrible person, but I can totally see some 13 year old girl going, I'm just going to keep staring at this and staring at this because I have to save these horses. Like, how do we, is there a conversation we have with our kids to warn them of this stuff and what it actually means and what they're really doing to us? I think it's telling, like, I think it is being that blunt and that direct with it and telling them, look, people will produce content to get you to do things, to get you to engage because it benefits them.

Speaker 1
17:31 - 18:01
Not to say that like everybody's out for themselves and that there aren't incredible DIY videos out there where you can learn amazing things, but there is some portion of people out there Like, look, if I can get you to stay on here 10 seconds, 15 seconds, it's going to boost my ratings in the algorithm and the other content, it's going to get distributed more. And people, you know, they do masterclasses on this stuff and they sell programs on it. And if you watched one program, then they try to sell you 45 more.

Speaker 1
18:02 - 18:27
But there's this, you know, everybody is trying to figure out how do I make more, how do I make my living online? How do I find my place? And if I can get you to engage, if I can get you to hang on for just a little bit longer, it tells the algorithm, this is something that caught the attention of the viewer. And so bold to say, if you stay, you will save all my horses.

Speaker 1
18:27 - 18:37
If you stay, my one song is going to go. It's so bold. I just started noticing that about a month ago. I thought, what is happening here?

Speaker 1
18:37 - 19:24
And I'm like, for a month until my brain started kicking in. you know, oh my God, I gotta save these horses, I gotta save this dog, and oh, it's, and so I can see me being, you know, a logical, mature adult, being able to discern that, but again, you know, you have these kids that are just like, oh, mom, like, oh my gosh, I can't, I can't scroll away from this. It just, it breaks my heart that people can use that emotion to, As you say for their benefit only and to have those conversations would be really important And but I think it's a really important life skill for kids to learn When someone's trying to emotionally manipulate you

Speaker 1
19:24 - 19:52
so good. Yeah, I mean look their commercials are gonna do it the ASPCA is gonna have sad dogs in cages to try to get you to donate and if that's what you want to do then by all means donate to those organizations, but There's going to be crummy people in your life. They're going to try to manipulate you with emotions while either telling you that you're an awesome person, you're the most beautiful, you're the smartest, or they're going to tell you that you're the dumbest, ugliest person they've ever seen because they want something.

Speaker 1
19:53 - 20:17
And the sooner we learn how to not be manipulated by other people's emotions, how much better to be in a position where someone says something crazy and we go, Wow. Okay. And we just walk away and it doesn't throw us for a loop. Whether they're really mean or really nice to us, like our ability to walk away and it not ruin our day is like magic for some people.

Speaker 1
20:17 - 20:25
Yes. Yeah. And, and, oh, that's such a good, such a good point. So Roy, talk about your podcast, Easy Prey.

Speaker 1
20:26 - 21:03
You talk a lot about manipulation and fraud, and how did these threats intersect with the privacy concern, especially for young people? How does manipulation and fraud come through, and what does it look like for our kids to be looking at? And how do parents go, oh, let me tell you what that is? Again, the videos that you were talking about, they're trying to I think that one of the ways you look at it is you watch a commercial, and any more urgency or emotion than a commercial evokes should be concerning.

Speaker 1
21:05 - 21:16
Now, scammers are getting better. They're dialing it down, so it's not as emotional. It's not as urgent, but you have to learn to ask questions. What's the end game here?

Speaker 1
21:16 - 21:30
What is the person really asking for? What do they really want me to do? Why do they want me to do it? Are they who they claim to be and not in a I think everybody's bad and evil and and trying to get me that's.

Speaker 1
21:31 - 21:49
That's not the way we want to live our lives but to be able to make assessments of is this a safe situation or is this just. Is this weird? You and I, we grew up in the age of stranger danger. And then we learned that strangers are not the problem.

Speaker 1
21:49 - 22:09
It's family members that are the problem. And I think the new kind of thing is people that make you go ick. It's like, that's like the people that just like, they just don't feel right. Like there's something, the way they're interacting with me just makes me nervous.

Speaker 1
22:09 - 22:24
I don't want to say we want to instill that in our kids, but that's what we want our kids to watch out for. And then reason through, well, why do they make me feel that way? What's going on? Why is a 50-year-old guy talking to a six-year-old in that way?

Speaker 1
22:25 - 22:44
That's just not an appropriate level. That's just not an appropriate conversation. And learning how to figure out what is and isn't appropriate. So when they get contacted on a game, in a chat and someone says something inappropriate their response is like rather than like hey, that's a That's a that's a really smart other kid.

Speaker 1
22:44 - 23:09
It's like no, that's probably some you know, some weirdo. Let me just block that person and not make it about It's this horrible boogeyman and they're gonna snatch me out like scaring them to death because that's not reality But to say no just it's if they're weird and they bug you just just block don't worry about it. Yeah Yes, that's good. And so our kids, you know, our neurotypical kids are at risk.

Speaker 1
23:09 - 23:36
We're all at risk. What are the increased risks for kids who are neurodivergent? Kids who we know are literal or, you know, kind of black and white and like, what are the more risks that they would have to be worried about with their kids? In some sense, there may be a superpower there.

Speaker 1
23:38 - 24:10
If you are more direct and less manipulated by other people's emotions, that might be a superpower for you to not fall victim, to not be tricked or manipulated into doing stuff because you're just like, what's all this emotion about? This is silly. But I think scammers will try to figure out how to, okay, what are the tactics that I use on someone who is neurodivergent? How do I be more literal and say, well, if you do this, then this will happen, and then this thing that you want to have happen.

Speaker 1
24:11 - 24:50
I think it's a matter of teaching reasoning and saying, is that a likely outcome of this conversation? Do they have the ability to actually do that? And I feel like we reduce a lot of these risks when we are way more diligent about how old our kids are, when they have access to this. I had a podcast with an expert on human trafficking, and we were talking about the difference between, not the difference, but more risky, Actions for a neurodivergent kids and you should really put a good point across is that kids are, you know, sitting in the classroom.

Speaker 1
24:50 - 25:07
If a kid, you know, is really feeling left out, you know, they're always being called dumb by their friends or all the, all the boys have, you know, a partner, all the girls have girlfriends or boyfriends. Everybody has somebody. I don't have anybody. And then they get online.

Speaker 1
25:08 - 25:43
And there are people that prey on that, you're so beautiful, you're so smart, I just wanna be your friend. And they build this relationship, this false relationship over time where kids become so prey to that because they just crave it. How do we help parents with that kind of risk? What are we saying to kids to say, listen, it's not that you're not beautiful, it's not that you don't deserve friends, How do we kind of decipher who's saying these things and who are they actually listening to?

Speaker 1
25:44 - 26:00
Honestly, I don't I honestly don't know. I don't I don't know how the neurodivergent mind works in a way that like. Other than saying trying to help them reason and reason it through, but everybody, you know, as adults, we crave attention. We want to be loved.

Speaker 1
26:00 - 26:18
We want to be cared for. We want people to like us. I don't know that there is a simple answer that says, and it is probably true of everybody, there is no one simple, well, just do this and everything will be okay. I don't think there is a simple answer.

Speaker 1
26:18 - 26:36
And that's fair. I think, you know, and I say it more so people hear that, you know, that people are, oh, maybe this is something I need to look into the chats. Is there a way that parents, you know, there's this, my phone, my privacy, blah, blah, blah. I totally disagree with, I'm paying the bills.

Speaker 1
26:37 - 26:51
It's not, it's not your, not your possession at all. I'm lending it to you while you behave with it or take responsibility. But can you recommend other actionable steps now that parents can take? Are there blockers?

Speaker 1
26:51 - 27:09
Are there monitors? Like what is the, what is one way that they can really be on top of what's happening on the kids' phones? Yeah, I think they really have to be aware of what is installed on the kids phone that the parental controls on the phone should be enabled and that you should talk through those with your kids. These are the reasons why these are here.

Speaker 1
27:09 - 27:40
These are These threats are so sophisticated that I'm at risk, and I want you to be safe, and I don't want to scare you, but fear is a bad motivator in my mind. But we need to talk through why we're doing this. parental controls and making sure that kids don't have access to games. Any game that has a chat feature, you really should be concerned about it.

Speaker 1
27:40 - 28:11
If one user can interact with another user, that's going to be a vector. If it's just tic-tac-toe or whatever game, no matter how sophisticated, if there's no interaction with other users via chat, you know, that's, then you just determine the content of the game. But regardless of how simple the game is, or complex the game is, if there is the ability for one user to chat with another user, predators will use that. Yeah.

Speaker 1
28:11 - 28:29
Yeah. I, that is very common from what I understand too. So in your, sorry. Well, and then I think it's, you know, if you are chatting with people, never give them your address, don't give them, you know, don't tell them your age, don't give them your address, and don't send them any photos.

Speaker 1
28:30 - 28:42
Don't give them your phone number. It's just this game, and that's, you know, what's in the game is within the game. Anything outside the game doesn't get talked about. Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, please don't give them your address.

Speaker 1
28:44 - 29:19
So I would love to know then, you know, our kids, I mean, they have access to it. Is there a healthy amount of time, is there a recommended amount of time that kids are spending on their phones doing the games and the scrolling and the doom scrolling and all of that? I don't know if there's any, I don't even know. Healthy amount of time sounds like a paradox, but is there, you know, any kind of data or in your recommendation, okay, you know what, this is the blocker.

Speaker 1
29:19 - 29:39
This is where we, you know, this is the time limit before things really start spiraling. Like, what do you think about that? I think when you mentioned the phrase doom scrolling, if that is happening, like things need to be intentional. If you're on TikTok, you're on TikTok for a specific amount of time.

Speaker 1
29:39 - 30:02
And when that time ends, TikTok is done. Or amount of time with this game and when that ends, it's done. It's in that time, like the time that the mental health issues are going to get targeted or not targeted, but expressed is when you're doom scrolling and it's just that idle. I'm just letting stuff free flow is where the dangers.

Speaker 1
30:02 - 30:20
I don't know that there is. Any good or you know, sure 45 24 hours a day on the phone is really really bad. Uh an hour a day playing a game that that helps us with mental acuity. I don't know that that's a bad thing, but Does it become obsessive does it become well?

Speaker 1
30:20 - 30:40
I can't live my life. I can't go a day without doing this. Am I dependent on this? I mean like I I look at my own habits and just the muscle memory that I have is that I get up from something, I grab my phone, I open a news app, and I start scrolling through it, and I'm like, what am I doing?

Speaker 1
30:40 - 30:51
Why am I doing this? It just becomes so muscle memory for us, even as adults. So it's going to be just that for kids. Look at what we do.

Speaker 1
30:51 - 31:00
Why am I, why am I using my phone? Why am I checking social media? Why am I checking the baseball scores, the stock market every 15 minutes? Yeah.

Speaker 1
31:01 - 31:10
And seeing it out loud. Like I feel like if we say this out loud to our kids, like, Oh my God, I've been on Facebook for 25 minutes. This is ridiculous. I'm putting my phone down.

Speaker 1
31:10 - 31:14
So it's modeling. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent.

Speaker 1
31:15 - 31:33
So there's, you know, as kids get older, there's that. parent navigating sort of autonomy and, you know, monitoring, like, privacy of the, like, how do we navigate that? Like, is there a way? I don't know.

Speaker 1
31:33 - 31:49
Is there a magic pill? Like, what are we doing with this? Because, OK, I'm 17 and, yeah, you on my phone, but, you know, I need some autonomy here. But, you know, but I'm going to monitor like, oh, that's just it makes it already gives me so much anxiety thinking about it.

Speaker 1
31:50 - 32:18
I think if that's the conversation like, OK, I'm not a parent of a 17 year old, but if that's a conversation you're having with a 17 year old, that probably means you didn't have a conversation earlier. Yes. Not that that's like, now you're a bad parent, but I think these conversations need to happen way earlier than any of us are comfortable for. There isn't a magic bullet.

Speaker 1
32:19 - 32:33
And again, every kid is going to be different. You have to prove that you're going to be reliable and trustworthy with it. And if you're not, then things get scaled back. Because I mean, that's how it works in the real world.

Speaker 1
32:33 - 33:11
If we do good at a job, we get entrusted with more responsibility, we mess up at work, our responsibility gets dialed back, and if we mess up enough, we lose our job. And there's times that we do a crummy job of You know, we, we raise our kids where everybody gets a trophy and everybody wins and everybody gets an allowance without having to do anything. And. You know, even in, even I had this experience when I was hiring someone quite a few years ago and I was hiring for a relatively entry-level role.

Speaker 1
33:11 - 33:22
And they were like, no, no, no. It was a college graduate. And no, I, I want a manager role. And I was like, well, one, we're not hiring for a manager role.

Speaker 1
33:23 - 33:38
And two, you, you have no work experience. Oh, but I have a college degree. I'm like, okay, so that's, that's the basics. When our kids have, when we, I'll even say us, well, we have a sense of entitlement.

Speaker 1
33:39 - 34:02
It doesn't, that doesn't balance with the real world. We don't, we aren't entitled to anything in life. Yeah. And as I'm thinking of kind of back paddling on our conversation about how long kids should have time, I feel like maybe your best, your best signal is what's the reaction when it's time to get off the phone?

Speaker 1
34:03 - 34:37
Yeah. Like, will that determine, okay, we're looking at an addiction problem here and a self-regulation problem, as opposed to, she's just on Facebook for half an hour and I'll get her off. And then, you know, when it's time to, five minutes, four minutes, three minutes, two minutes, and then there's this angst and argument and defense, like out of what you would consider normal. I would think, okay, now it's time to hang onto that phone, because you own it, first of all.

Speaker 1
34:37 - 35:03
And you know, it's so, I hear a lot of parents, oh, you know, well, we've always let, we've always done this, we've always done that. Listen, it's never too late to change the rules, because you made the freaking rule. You are, sorry, from my mom's, I paid the mortgage, I do the rules, and that's just the way it is. And yes, there can be a very collaborative conversation, but in the end, if you have, We all do.

Speaker 1
35:03 - 35:10
Made mistakes parenting. You can say, you know what? I screwed up. Shouldn't have let you have all this time.

Speaker 1
35:11 - 35:17
Shouldn't have let you had social media. I'm dialing it back now. And I think that's the key thing. That's the key thing.

Speaker 1
35:18 - 35:39
I made a mistake and I should have done something differently. And I'm seeing now that this was, it was not the best direction for us to be going as a family. And you can have those conversations. I joke with my wife, never have like, we should never have the honey we need to talk conversation at 11 o'clock at night.

Speaker 1
35:42 - 36:00
Like, Oh, great. Now no one's going to sleep. We're now we're just, you know, no one's going to get a good night's sleep. So I, I think there is value to separating the conversation from the incident and getting some emotional space and getting some time and say, Hey, let's talk about this in an hour.

Speaker 1
36:00 - 36:25
You know, why were you like, here's why I didn't want you to be on your phone this much. Why were you so upset that I took the phone away? Um, I'm concerned that you were upset that upset about it. Was it, were you in the middle of a really important conversation or You know or or what because then you can figure out like oh no My friend was in crisis and you took me away from trying to help my friend in crisis.

Speaker 1
36:25 - 37:12
Well, that's that's important versus I just wanted to watch six more videos Yeah, and maybe when they hear themselves answer you They're going to become very aware of the fact that oh, yeah Yeah, she's probably right. I'll never admit it but she's probably right Or you do the modeling again, and there are times that I just don't want to deal with life. And so therefore, I'd rather spend time on my phone and just look at silly things and not have to face reality. Yeah, and those are really good answers to really listen to and listen for as opposed to what you want them to say or, you know, getting ready for what you're expecting them to say, which is putting you in a not a great position.

Speaker 1
37:12 - 37:39
Chris, can you, I know we don't have a whole lot of time, but I want to just plug your book. Why are people needing to read your book? Let's hear about the book. So the book gives, and I'll say adults, and I think that you could work these through and translate them to your kids, practical steps that we can take to kind of dial up our privacy in ways that are not tinfoil hat, you know, I'm going to isolate myself

Speaker 1
37:39 - 37:52
from the rest of the world. I think of, you know, advice that you give people for cybersecurity advice. You want a good, strong password and you want two-factor authentication. Okay.

Speaker 1
37:53 - 38:04
There's a whole list of two-factor authentication you can use. You can get the SMS message on your phone. You can get a physical token. You can use biometrics with a thumbprint reader.

Speaker 1
38:04 - 38:24
You can use an authenticator app. Whatever, like whichever, like some are better than others. And that's not the point of this conversation that, but that any of them are better than none. And I think the same thing is true of privacy and us going through this process of thinking, you know, what am I sharing?

Speaker 1
38:25 - 38:34
Why am I sharing? If it's a form I'm filling out somewhere. Do they really need this? And I'm not being argumentative about, do you really need that?

Speaker 1
38:34 - 38:51
But after just asking the question, it's like, can you tell me which fields on this form are required in order for me to get the service from you that I'm paying for? And then don't fill out the rest if you don't want to. How are they asking questions? How are you storing this information?

Speaker 1
38:51 - 39:07
Who are you going to share it with? And maybe we don't have that conversation with every single company that we interact with, but if we internally start thinking through that, and teach our kids how to think through that. What am I sharing? Why am I sharing?

Speaker 1
39:08 - 39:17
And looking at data in three different ways. There's public stuff. I don't care if the world knows I'm Chris Parker. That's public.

Speaker 1
39:17 - 39:24
A photo of me, that's public. That's whatever. But then there's private. I don't want people to know my address.

Speaker 1
39:24 - 39:57
I'm not going to publish my personal cell phone number out there. And then there's stuff that's secret, you know, my bank account numbers my social security number i'm not going to share these Unless I absolutely under any circumstance have to share it in order to get a service And I think if we start thinking through When we're being asked things, what does this fall into? But I think for parents with kids, freeze your kid's credit now, while they're kids.

Speaker 1
39:58 - 40:25
Because people, if they get their social security number, date of birth, the right information, they can set up accounts in your kid's name, and they might not know about it for five, 10, or 15, five or 10 years. So freeze your kid's credit so they just don't have to deal with it. It's totally preventative. You know at the time that they need to get a credit card, you can walk them through unfreezing it But freeze their credit now before someone else starts to use it Without their knowledge.

Speaker 1
40:25 - 40:48
I've never heard that really Never freeze credit freeze credit freeze credit. Oh my god. Okay golden nugget right there That's amazing Teaching kids to you know, use strong passwords teach them how to use a password manager teach them how to Two-factor authentication, don't reuse passwords. If you don't have to set up an account somewhere, don't set it up.

Speaker 1
40:49 - 41:02
Again, like these days, it's ridiculous. Like, you know, I want an app on my phone that's gonna monitor how much water I drink and I want a username, password and an email address. I'm like, really? You need all that?

Speaker 1
41:02 - 41:29
But, you know, maybe there's a different version of this app that will, you know, a different version that I can find that won't require this. When it comes to devices, look, and it varies, the methodologies vary on platform, but look at the permissions that the apps have. Your calculator does not need access to your photos. Your calculator app does not need to access your contacts.

Speaker 1
41:29 - 41:55
you know, tighten up security on things that you just don't have accidental leaks of data. When you stop using an app, delete it off the device. If you're never gonna use it again, try to figure out, can I delete my account? A lot of companies these days and apps was like, there's a mechanism to pretend that I never even had an account.

Speaker 1
41:55 - 42:07
And so we're not leaving all these little dangling bits of data out there. But those are kind of the fundamental basic, let's start and have something as opposed to nothing behaviors. I love it. That's so important.

Speaker 1
42:07 - 42:22
You got to read this book. I'm going to put the link in the show notes. Chris, this has been, man, just so many mic drops here that I'm so glad we did this. Is there anything I didn't ask that you really think we should know?

Speaker 1
42:23 - 42:58
Uh, you know, I, I think for the, your email address is probably like the most important thing you can protect that you own. And you're like, why is my email address important? because you use it to access your phone account, you use it to access your bank accounts, you use it to access all your social media accounts. So if somebody gets into your email, they can pretend to be you, they can get into your bank accounts, they can get your password reset codes.

Speaker 1
42:59 - 43:31
Like once someone is in your email, It's really really really hard. You have to like redo everything from scratch in your life because all your friends and family have that email address God and the last and what's scarier is if someone is able to get into your email like People's fears like hey, someone's had to get into I may get into my email change my password and change the recovery And i'm not gonna oh my gosh, i'm never gonna have access to my email again That's actually not the worst scenario. The worst scenario is the person gets into your email And they don't change the password.

Speaker 1
43:32 - 43:54
And they just sit there and watch and listen and read. And, oh, you have a bank account here. Oh, you're, you know, I now know who your mom, your dad, your siblings are. And they just start amassing all this information that they need to go after everything, not just that one bank account that they saw the latest email for.

Speaker 1
43:54 - 44:04
Oh, my God. So it's like, you got to please, please, please. If there's one thing you're going to protect in your life, family, yes. But technology will always protect your email account.

Speaker 1
44:05 - 44:11
It is the key to the kingdom. Wow. Okay. Never even thought about that.

Speaker 1
44:12 - 44:24
Oh my God. That it feels like it's almost as vulnerable as your social insurance number or social security if you're in the States. And everybody can get your social security number. Like that's why you need to freeze your credit.

Speaker 1
44:24 - 44:36
It's out there, but like there's mechanisms to protect that. But if someone gets into your email account, there's not a whole lot you can do. Wow. That's amazing.

Speaker 1
44:36 - 44:43
Oh, so email and freeze your kid's credit. That is so, oh my gosh, that's fantastic. Good information. Thank you, Chris.

Speaker 1
44:44 - 44:54
I really appreciate this. I know my listeners are appreciating it. They're probably taking notes and the book is going to be in the show notes. I promise it is going to be like a Bible for you.

Speaker 1
44:54 - 45:02
I think that's amazing. Thank you for listening. Thank you for joining me, Chris, and we'll see you all next time. Thank you.

Speaker 1
45:02 - 45:16
Parenting Teens Advice Redefined. I'm Cheryl, and I appreciate you being here with us today. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Chris, Parker. Thank you for breaking all of this down in such real and practical ways.

Speaker 1
45:16 - 45:50
For every parent listening, especially those raising teens and neurodivergent teens, this conversation is a reminder that protecting our kids online isn't about fear. It's about awareness, it's about intention, it's about curiosity, and teaching them to move through the digital world with confidence. If today opened your eyes or gave you a new way to guide your teen, take a moment, share the episode with another parent who needs it. And as always, keep tuning in as we keep doing the inner work that creates safer, stronger connections at home.

Speaker 1
45:53 - 46:14
Thank you for listening to another episode. I hope you loved this one as much as I did. And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them.

Speaker 1
46:14 - 46:49
And I'm Cheryl, and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact, coaching and consulting. And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids. Because here's the truth, the transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm, we will rediscover your power, we will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of.

Speaker 1
46:49 - 47:13
If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days. It all starts with a call, there's no pitch, there's no pressure, just a call to see if I can help. We'll talk about your goals, we'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way and everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes.

Speaker 1
47:13 - 47:17
Again, I'm Cheryl, thank you so much for joining me here on Hairy