~136~“College Transition Hacks for Parents of Neurodivergent Teens: Advocacy & Accommodation Tips” Dr Tara Williams

#ParentingTeens
#NeurodivergentTeen
#CollegeTransition
#ExecutiveFunction
#UniversalDesign
#SelfAdvocacy

Discover how to empower neuro‑divergent teens and set them up for success as they transition from high school to college. In this candid conversation, host Cheryl talks with Dr. Tara Williams—tenured chemistry professor, founder of Innovative Collegiate Consultants, and neurodivergent‑teen advocate. Tara shares her personal journey, reveals why adaptability, choice, and self‑advocacy are the hidden super‑powers every teen needs, and offers practical tools for parents: giving daily decisions, shifting “wants” to “needs,” using campus accessibility offices, and applying universal design at home. Learn the one habit parents should stop (doing their teen’s communication) and how tiny routines—like an alarm clock and body‑doubling study sessions—can create massive stability. Ready to support your teen’s independence? 

Tara Williams - Audio.wav
Generated using Transcript LOL
=========================================

Speaker 1
00:01 - 00:42
Welcome to another episode of Parenting Teens Advice Redefined for Today's World, where we have the real, raw, and honest conversations on how to support your teen and how to support you as parents. And today I am joined by someone who is reshaping what success looks like for neurodivergent teens and young adults. Dr. Tara Williams is the founder of Innovative Collegiate Consultants and a tenured chemistry Professor who has spent more than 20 years in higher education since 2010, she's been working closely with neurodivergent students across the country who fall through the cracks when the structured support of K-12 suddenly shifts and college or university demands.

Speaker 1
00:42 - 01:15
self-advocacy, executive functioning, and navigating systems built for neurotypical. Her team helps students bridge the gap with executive functioning, coaching, academic planning, accommodation management, housing, internships, and the practical day-to-day skills that make independence possible. Tara also brings in universal design, giving every student the chance to thrive. I'm excited to tell you she's currently writing a book about her own neurodivergent journey and the stories of the students she supported set to release soon.

Speaker 1
01:15 - 01:22
Can't wait to read it. And I am thrilled to have her here today. Welcome, Dr. Tara. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1
01:22 - 01:30
Thank you for having me, Cheryl. I'm so excited. Let's start first, Tara, with your mission, your why. What's the point of all this?

Speaker 1
01:30 - 01:53
Like, help us understand that. So when I was a kid, I definitely learned differently and couldn't really figure out why, like what the difference was for me and other students. And I also grew up in the era where females were told they just weren't good at math. Like, you know, math wasn't for girls.

Speaker 1
01:53 - 02:33
And so I really struggled in terms of realizing that I'm a visual learner and that back in the 80s and 90s when I was in probably like lower elementary that At the time, a lot of teachers just wrote things on the board, right? Like they just wrote things on the board and that was that. And I really struggled with seeing what was happening. And then as I had teachers in different programs who really let us hold things in our hands and let us watch videos and let us be more hands-on, I took a shop class in seventh grade and it was my favorite thing ever.

Speaker 1
02:33 - 02:59
We built balsa wood bridges from literally, here's some balsa wood, make a bridge, let's see the tensile strength. We had CO2 cars where they gave us a chunk of wood, we got to design it, and then race them with the little cartridges in the back. So I loved that class and I really thrived. I was always a good student, but it was very hard for me.

Speaker 1
02:59 - 03:26
I think once I realized that there was more than one way to learn, and one class in particular was geometry for me, because for geometry, you have to be able to see. If you can't see what's physically going on, you can look at a cube drawn on the board, and to me, it did nothing. I was like, I don't know what that means. So having the shapes and holding them and doing all of those things really helped me to learn like, hey, I just need to see things to learn them.

Speaker 1
03:26 - 03:41
I can't just hear about them. So I basically learned that for my own experience. And then when I got to college, I would go to my professor's office hours and be like, please draw it for me. Or can we explain it in another way?

Speaker 1
03:42 - 03:53
Can we use real world reasoning? especially in chemistry. So can you explain it to me using cooking? Can you explain it to me using, you know, beer making?

Speaker 1
03:53 - 04:09
Whatever it is that sort of helped me understand what's going on. And we worked a lot with models, which was super helpful. And After that, I started teaching in my graduate program. So I was 22 and I was teaching 18 year olds.

Speaker 1
04:09 - 04:25
And I just came to see like, wow, students really learn differently. We really can't just write equations on the board. They do great when you, here's an equation, let's pull it up on YouTube. And let's see, like when we put these things together, this is what happens.

Speaker 1
04:25 - 04:39
So it's not just looking at something, especially for STEM classes, like we can't see what's happening at the biological level, right? At the chemical level. So let's pull up pictures. Let's do models.

Speaker 1
04:40 - 04:54
Let's do things differently. So it's not just, this is what's happening. I'm writing it on paper and that's that. So that kind of led me into sort of my story and where I am now, but basically learning that everybody learns differently.

Speaker 1
04:55 - 05:15
Neurodivergent just means our brain works differently. It doesn't mean that it's not a superpower. I think neurodivergence is such a superpower for learners. You know, it's funny because, you know, you get kids, I educated in high school, so 9 to 12.

Speaker 1
05:16 - 05:34
And, you know, it's such a. such a structured, formal, sometimes very antiquated system. And, you know, I would have parents in grade 11 and 12 saying, I don't know how they're going to do it. How is it like they can't do this in high school and they're having trouble with this.

Speaker 1
05:35 - 06:03
And it's exactly where I kind of steered the conversation. Like when they get into university and college, they get to pick We're not forcing them to sit in geography and history that they hate or art where they can't figure out abstract skills. We're forcing them to get these credits. But I find that once our kids, our kids, the population of 8 million that I have, You know, once they get into something, that's what I love.

Speaker 1
06:03 - 06:26
Well, how motivated are they to learn something and know that that subject really builds on their strengths already? So I almost want to say to parents right away, like, don't fear this. Like, this is not a big panic. When you think about the difference between a formal public education and then moving on to post-secondary, what do you think about that?

Speaker 1
06:26 - 06:42
Yeah, I think that's totally true. I think that also, you know, we're very blessed in the US to be able to change our major. I changed my major three times. Like my mom was like, okay, Dara, let's figure it out at some point.

Speaker 1
06:42 - 07:00
So I was on scholarship. But yeah, I mean, I think that's the real power of internships and things that are really important. I wanted to be a lawyer like my big brother. And I worked at some law firms and I was like, this is not, like, I can't sit at a desk, you know, all day.

Speaker 1
07:00 - 07:08
Like, this is not for me. I need to interact with people. I need to walk around. Something that I still, you know, struggle with.

Speaker 1
07:08 - 07:37
I love being a professor and having my own business because I need to walk around. Like, I can't be stuck anywhere. I don't thrive that way. So I agree, like taking classes that you're interested in, even having those conversations with parents, you know, maybe sophomore year where maybe dad's an engineer and mom does something in business and the students really want to do business or STEM because That's what mom and dad do.

Speaker 1
07:37 - 08:01
And that seems natural, but really seeing where they're thriving. And if they're hating accounting, well, let's not put you in accounting classes. I definitely think we should all try because things are hard and they're going to be hard no matter the major. But I tell parents like, why are we running against this wall when no one who doesn't enjoy it is going to do it for four years and then want to do it as a career?

Speaker 1
08:02 - 08:20
Yeah you know and it's funny that I mean I was I wanted to be a lawyer while I was in high school and that changed as soon as I found out that I would have to protect someone who might be guilty. And I was like, well, I can't do that. That's out. Then I was a hairdresser and then owned a salon and then got a restaurant and then a teacher.

Speaker 1
08:21 - 08:45
And like, it's just, yes, you can change. And I just love that you said that because you're not married to the one thing that you pick. But I want to know too, you've worked so strongly with kids, even like from K to 12. And what I would love to know is what is the number one unexpected skill that blindsides families when their kids get into college?

Speaker 1
08:45 - 09:15
And what can we do as parents to kind of build that muscle now? I mean, I think people are a lot more, students are a lot more malleable and adaptable. I think adaptability, I mean, people ask me what's my best quality and I say it's adaptability. And I think that until we get to college and we're on our own, our university, we don't realize how adaptable we are because our parents have always helped us.

Speaker 1
09:15 - 09:26
And that's totally an expected thing. My parents always helped me. But I think I did. I think I flew by myself when I was like 14 and it was truly horrifying and scary.

Speaker 1
09:26 - 09:35
But but then it was fine. Right. And I think it's like that with everything. I think the adaptability and understanding that things are going to go wrong.

Speaker 1
09:36 - 09:52
You are now going to be You've probably always had your own room or maybe shared with your sibling. And now you are sharing with one or two complete strangers who have different, completely different habits from you. And that's just in housing, right? That's not in the study habits.

Speaker 1
09:52 - 10:15
That's not in, oh, you always had a table that you studied at your family house. Now you have a desk in a room or you have to go to campus and adaptability and group work. I would say that that's my college students least favorite assignments or group work. But I'm like, you get into a job, you have to work with people.

Speaker 1
10:15 - 10:31
And maybe they have different work schedules, maybe they have different ways of doing things, and that's adaptability. So I would say really working on that adaptability when you can. And I also think giving choices. Right.

Speaker 1
10:31 - 10:45
I think when we get to college, we are given a ton of choices. And so maybe starting younger, giving choices, you know, do you want to study in your room or at the table? Do you want to go to the library? You know, do you want to what is your sleep schedule?

Speaker 1
10:45 - 11:07
Because now, like you said, we're not in this rigid structure of K-12 that I know we have to be rigid in some ways. But I think one of the reasons I thrive is because my parents gave us, you know, choices. and made it so it wasn't so rigid, because then when you transition to college, it's not like, wow, everything is different. No one's telling me when to do anything.

Speaker 1
11:08 - 11:39
And then I would say, like, I tell my students, like, the wheels fall off the bus when that happens, because now we have a million choices and a million different things. And how do we adapt to that and decide when to make those choices? Yeah, I was just going to say, along with choices comes the ability to make a decision. How do we help our kids now make strong decisions based on them, not based on what their friends are doing, not based on what they think they should do?

Speaker 1
11:39 - 11:47
How do we build that skill? Is there little techniques parents can even start with at home? Yeah, I mean, I would say same thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1
11:47 - 12:12
But like giving them options, you know, like what, where there is a way to make a decision, help them through it. But even when we're looking at, let's say a daily example would be like where they want to go to college, right? Like looking at weighing out, of course, there's always things like, you know, health and wellness and tuition and out of state, right? There's a million different things that come into that.

Speaker 1
12:12 - 12:33
But once we're into, hey, they've gotten into three schools, letting them make that decision on their own, even if one is your alma mater, even if the one is what you think is better for them, because maybe they've never lived in the cold. well, maybe they'll get a job in the cold, right? Like I'm thinking from California, right? Say someone gets into Cornell, right?

Speaker 1
12:33 - 12:56
That is a complete change of habitat, but let them adapt to that, right? So make, I feel like making, letting them make choices. And I know It's easy when they ask you for advice or what to do to make the decision for them. But I feel like guidance rather than making the decision for them will allow them to be able to make those decisions.

Speaker 1
12:57 - 13:03
Yeah, good. I like that. Giving them choices right from the start is so important. And why did you pick that?

Speaker 1
13:03 - 13:15
Why did you pick that? Because, you know, make them actually think about Oh, why did I pick that? Well, yeah, in talking about your career, right? Look how different all of those things are.

Speaker 1
13:15 - 13:33
And I don't like to use the word mistakes. I like to learn lessons, but even in I'm sure I've made a million different lessons for myself. But I made those choices, right? And I learned something from every one of them, good or bad.

Speaker 1
13:33 - 14:09
So I feel like having the ability to make those decisions on your own, even if it's not the decision that maybe your parent would make is a way to learn because we can't always have someone make that decision for us. Listen, if I wasn't a hairdresser, I would never in a million years have the relationships I had with parents. because I learned all about public, working with the public and really listening. I mean, you're a hairdresser, you're just sitting there, all you're doing is listening and psychology and, you know, trying to make somebody feel seen and heard.

Speaker 1
14:09 - 14:40
And that was, that's major training for me. I really struggle with, you know, a lot of, and it's not a slam, but a lot of teachers, the ones I worked with would go from high school straight to university and straight to teaching. And so, you know, I would love to say, go work in a restaurant for six months, please. Like, go be a hairdresser, go do something where you are, you know, really having to listen and the customer is always right.

Speaker 1
14:40 - 15:07
And we always, and we know parents aren't always right, but when we make them feel heard and understood, and then we can have a relationship with them, things just flourish. They go so much better. So I would love to say as part of university entrance, you have to go work, scrub floors or whatever with people or cut hair, serve drinks, whatever it is. I just find that, you know, sometimes that really helps in the relationship building.

Speaker 1
15:07 - 15:16
It gives you those skills. So you're right, no mistakes, no mistakes. No, I'm working in a lab, same thing. I had to get used to, like, I'm just like most people.

Speaker 1
15:16 - 15:36
I want things my way. I want to do things my way. And you're working with, you know, in a graduate lab, like 12 to 15 in an office with 12 to 15 other people every day. You're in a lab with people all the time and people are using your equipment and people are maybe not cleanly and people are, it's like having roommates at work.

Speaker 1
15:36 - 15:45
But you have to learn, right? Like, same thing. I get to all my students, like, you have to learn that not everyone works the same way as you do. And that was a job.

Speaker 1
15:45 - 16:00
We were getting, you know, our tuition covered and getting a stipend to be there. And you have to learn how to work together. And you have to learn how to ask for things. from people in a nice way and not have expectations that everybody's just doing things for you.

Speaker 1
16:00 - 16:20
So I feel like that was a, it was a good lesson for me at 22 to just be like, Oh my God, I have to work with all these people. I have to learn how to get along with them. Sometimes I have to clean up after them. And, hey, there's three or four instrument operators that work different times of the day and kindness gets you farther than demands.

Speaker 1
16:20 - 16:31
And I think sometimes that's a hard lesson for people that haven't, for students that haven't really had to think about things like that. Yeah. Good point. Good point.

Speaker 1
16:31 - 16:51
So I want to talk about now, kids are neurodivergent kids. You know, parents focus on accommodations. Sometimes we talk about modifications, but sometimes I think as they get to grade 11, 12, or even prior to that, it's more about. like the struggle being identity.

Speaker 1
16:52 - 17:18
Like, who am I as a learner? And what happens when our kids really start to understand their neurotype, understand what their challenges are, and that it's a part of them? Like, how can parents support that at home? You know, I think, I don't know if I've said this before, but part of my job was grade eight kids coming into grade nine and they had an IP and it was a big transition.

Speaker 1
17:18 - 17:34
And I would never sit at the table without the kid, ever. If the kid wasn't there, I'm not doing the meeting. And it didn't always go over well because I don't want to talk about my kid like that. But if we are coming at it from these are your strengths, this is how we can help you.

Speaker 1
17:34 - 17:43
Where else do you need some help? Then they start understanding this isn't something to be ashamed of. This is who I am. And this is how I start talking about it.

Speaker 1
17:44 - 18:09
So how do we continue to foster that at home? And I think needs versus wants is a good place to start. I was at a conference recently. I went to the College Autism Summit, and when I was listening to students really speak, and what struck a chord in me is one of the students said, it's not about what I want.

Speaker 1
18:10 - 18:20
It is about what I need to be successful. That's so good. Yes. That simple change in phrase to me meant so much.

Speaker 1
18:20 - 18:37
So really understanding that it's not a want for certain people. It is what they need to be successful. And I think Advocating is so important for your kids, but letting them advocate for themselves. That is something they can start doing earlier.

Speaker 1
18:37 - 18:52
You know, like, I don't want to sit at the front of the room because, you know, it's easier for me to follow. I need to sit at the front of the room because it's easier for me to follow. I need to sit at the back because I might need to take a break. Right?

Speaker 1
18:52 - 19:21
Like, I think that simple change in wording is so important because I think a lot of educators in K-12 and in, you know, college, university, just from my own experience, it's the understanding of that's not like a want, that's a need for that particular learner. And I've even had to learn that in my own, like in my own class, I had a student who took her purse everywhere. around the lab. And it wasn't dangerous.

Speaker 1
19:21 - 19:31
It didn't do anything. And that was something that she needed. She was neurodivergent and that was something she needed. So why does it bother me if she walks around the class with her purse?

Speaker 1
19:31 - 19:36
I was like, just be really careful. Don't knock over anything. Don't get anything on it. But like that was something she needed.

Speaker 1
19:36 - 19:47
Or I've had students like, can I just put my headphones on? I won't put any music on. It's not plugged in. But I really need that when I take an exam to help me from my anxiety being too much.

Speaker 1
19:47 - 20:11
So I think learning how to advocate for them and help them advocate that this is a need, this is not a want. And to try to think about from an educator's perspective, is this really a big deal? If they all want to wear headphones and it's not on, is it really a big deal? Picking to see if that helps that student feel better and that's what they need to do well on the test, why does that matter?

Speaker 1
20:12 - 20:23
Yeah. Yeah. And I love that you say that want and need because so many times, you know, if kids aren't getting the accommodations, I would say to them, they're not doing you a favor. I don't want to ask.

Speaker 1
20:23 - 20:30
They're not doing you a favor. You are entitled to this. And so that really ties into want and need. I need it.

Speaker 1
20:30 - 20:41
I'm entitled to it. And yeah, if you're saying, oh, I want this, I want that, then you become sort of, can you do me a favor? No, no, it's not a favor. It's not a favor.

Speaker 1
20:42 - 20:46
So I love that you said that. That's going to stick with me. I'm not going to unhear that. I love it.

Speaker 1
20:46 - 21:05
It's so good. So from your perspective, then, if kids, what is the barrier for kids to feel like they can advocate for themselves? You know, when they get into college or university, what tools are there when their parents aren't there? Are there tools there to help them advocate for themselves?

Speaker 1
21:06 - 21:32
Yeah, I mean, obviously, Accessibility Office, when they're registered, like they are always a great resource. They're the sort of best resource on campus because they have, you know, they look at all their paperwork, which a lot of times parents will send to us as well, like, you know, as an executive functioning coach. But as, like, we look at their paperwork, but the school has the paperwork, right, too. So asking them, like, hey, like, I help, you know, students write an email sometimes.

Speaker 1
21:32 - 21:51
to the accessibility office, this professor is maybe not meeting, you know, my expectation of my accommodation. So, you know, can they help, can you guys help advocate for me or, you know, meet with the professor with me or am I asking for too much, right? So I'm trying to find the middle ground. So it's not as scary.

Speaker 1
21:52 - 22:12
I mean, I don't know about you, but I was definitely scared of my professors when I was in college. Like they seemed like this esteemed, you know, esteemed person. I mean, and I think, yeah, asking accessibility and there's, I would also say like asking someone to help you write an email. So it's not, it's not as scary.

Speaker 1
22:12 - 22:36
So if they're, even if it's a roommate or if it's an adult or it's a mentor or a parent or a coach or whoever, you know, hey, like, can you just help me write this email to where I'm comfortable? And in that case, let them write it. And then I would say, look at it. So let them get used to addressing it, to saying, you know, hey professor, I really feel like I would be more successful if I could do this, right?

Speaker 1
22:36 - 23:06
Because as you know, in our world experience, like when you ask for things, unless you're asking for something maybe unfair to the other students or unreasonable, most educators are not in it for the money, we're in it to help the students, right? So we don't, and something my mom taught me at an early age is you never get what you don't ask for. So the worst someone can say is no, right? And then if they do say no, let's go back to the drawing board and say, but I think educators are always looking for a way to help.

Speaker 1
23:06 - 23:24
So just learning how to let them know what's going on. And if you're not comfortable doing it in person, do it in email. So I think that nobody knows what a professor wants more than that professor. So asking them, hey, I didn't do well on my last paper.

Speaker 1
23:24 - 23:33
I'm really upset about it. Can we go over it in office hours? Can you tell me where I can do better? I don't know about you, but as an educator, that's the thing I want to hear the most.

Speaker 1
23:33 - 23:41
Yes. Like they want feedback to do better. So I think it's really accessibility. I'm asking the accessibility office to help.

Speaker 1
23:41 - 23:58
And then just asking, honestly asking the professors for what they need. I love it. And can you kind of eyebosh this whole, oh, there's going to be backlash. Yeah, I mean, obviously there's, I'm trying to think of my experience.

Speaker 1
23:59 - 24:20
I can't even think of a time maybe like 5% in the 20 years of someone, of a professor that actually said no, right? And even then it was a no, they never treated the student any differently after that, right? I think people need to hear that because I, you know what, I feel like it's so old school. Yeah.

Speaker 1
24:20 - 24:37
And if our, you know, if our Gen X parents or boomers went to university, oh no, you can't cause trouble and you can't ask for this. And it's so, now is barbaric. And I love, you know, We have parents who have gone through that to understand this is not happening. It doesn't happen.

Speaker 1
24:38 - 25:11
Also, what are we teaching our young people if we're telling them that we're now teaching them that they can't ask for things in their relationships, or that there's going to be backlash, or, you know, that we're seeing educators and don't get me wrong, I think professors and teachers deserve respect, right? Absolutely. But I think, yeah, when we were teaching them that someone who maybe has a higher power than you and a power dynamic, that it's okay to to not ask for what you need, which then to me, I know in my own relationships has not led to good things

Speaker 1
25:11 - 25:35
because, oh, maybe they'll be mad at me, even with my friends, right? Oh, maybe they'll be mad if I ask for this or I need to fly in three hours later because I have something I really need to do for myself, but I don't want so-and-so to get mad at me if I miss the bachelorette party, you know, whatever. Whereas now I would be like, no, this is what I have to do. But when I was in my 20s, that's not something I would have done because you feel like you don't want to disappoint someone else.

Speaker 1
25:35 - 25:49
You're taking your own comfortability and giving it away. Yeah, like 100%. And so, yeah, I think that we're teaching them that in their other relationships that there might be backlash. Well, if there's backlash, Whatever.

Speaker 1
25:50 - 25:59
Yeah, good. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, but for like the most, like I said, I can't I even off the top of my head, I can't think of a time that there was backlash.

Speaker 1
26:00 - 26:03
Yeah. And that same pair. Yeah. Maybe the student didn't want to hear no.

Speaker 1
26:04 - 26:18
And maybe there was a good reason for no. And so then we go to the drawing board. But yeah, for the most part, like, the only time I've seen that is where the professor thought it might be, or the educator K-12, I thought that would be unfair to other students. So then that seems like, okay, that's a fair answer.

Speaker 1
26:18 - 26:23
And then usually they came back with, but let's try this. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1
26:23 - 26:47
No. Yeah. I'm really glad we spoke to that because I feel like sometimes that's an underlying, that needs to be eradicated. So from your experience working with parents, working with neurodivergent kids, what is one thing, I'm sure there's 10, what is at least one thing parents should stop doing immediately because it undermines the long-term independence?

Speaker 1
26:47 - 27:17
Unintentionally, we always know we parent from love, but what is one thing you can think of? It's like you hear over and over again where you're going, just please stop that, please stop now, end it. I would say talking for the student, like when there is a problem. even with my own business, like if a parent says like, oh, they missed this or this happened, then I'm like, okay, well, I'll talk to the student about it in our session or I'll text the student.

Speaker 1
27:17 - 27:37
Like, you don't need to let me know, they need to let me know because they are the ones that have to deal with the consequences of whatever just happened, right? Or if they're like, so-and-so is sick today and I'm gonna take them to the doctor and they're gonna miss their session. Okay, well, I think we should get in the habit of them telling me. that they're sick, right?

Speaker 1
27:37 - 28:00
Or emailing the professor, that's not your job. You know, that's not. So I think letting them communicate and advocate and make, like we said, make those decisions so that they're learning how to make decisions. And even in the worst way, if they don't let me know and they don't make up the assignment or they don't tell their professors, like that's a decision that they've now made and now we have consequences.

Speaker 1
28:00 - 28:13
right? That we have in life, like parents can't then go to the workforce. And I read an article about how many parents were wanting to go to interviews with their young people. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1
28:13 - 28:40
Or how many of them were filling out job applications for like Gen Z. And I was just like, Like my parents helped me fill out my college applications. I'm a first generation student in my family, so that wasn't an option anyway, but my parents were kind of like, if this is what you want, this is what you have to do. And I can't remember my mom after the age of 18 ever making a doctor's appointment for me.

Speaker 1
28:41 - 28:53
If I was sick, she was like, well, go to the doctor. Yeah. Well, I used to, parents would come in, oh my gosh, and try to teacher shop. Oh, they don't, they don't like this one.

Speaker 1
28:53 - 29:10
The neighbor's cousin's friends had him and they marked too hard. I don't want this to, they don't like this teacher. And that's the first thing I say, like, okay, so when they get a job and they don't like their supervisor, where are you going? Are you, are you actually going to like knock on the door?

Speaker 1
29:10 - 29:23
No, no, we, this is how we learn how to work with all people. We don't have to love everybody. We don't even have to like anybody, but We respect and we learn from people. And oh my gosh, talk about character building.

Speaker 1
29:25 - 29:37
It's not happening. I've seen the same thing, especially with scheduling. Oh, that's really hard if they have a class at 10 a.m. and then the other one's at one, and then they only have 30 minutes for lunch.

Speaker 1
29:37 - 29:55
And then I'm like, well, they have to then plan a snack and bring it with them. You know what I mean? That is, we can't, in fact, class, especially for people going into college and, you know, as you know, even if you have priority registration at some schools, like you are dead last registering. So you might have a class at 8 a.m.

Speaker 1
29:55 - 30:09
and one at 8 p.m. And that's just the way it is. If you want to take that particular class or you need to take that class in order to begin the sequencing of your major. So we don't get to choose all the time, like the perfect schedule for students.

Speaker 1
30:09 - 30:34
And, you know, they'll be OK. I understand if it's a health reason or there's a certain reason for it, but within those limits, we can't do anything about that. It's like you said, when we have a job, there's been times I've been working on a project or got in grad school. I don't even know how many times I was at the office for 16, 17 hours.

Speaker 1
30:34 - 30:49
That's not ideal every night, but in every job, there are things that are not ideal that you have to learn how to work through. Absolutely. Okay, I'm going to shift a little bit to universal design. Okay.

Speaker 1
30:49 - 31:32
And I want to do that because when I was in the school system, we talked about a lot within education, within educators and admin, but I want to know, first of all, so parents understand what it is, what is it in your words? How can parents apply universal design at home? How can they use those principles at home to help the independence, to help the advocacy, to help the growth? And I think in universal design, in terms of like, from my view as an educator, is that if we can do something in the classroom that works well for neurodivergent students or anyone with a disability, it's gonna work well for everyone.

Speaker 1
31:33 - 31:46
Because that's how things are designed, right? I tell people it's a handicapped ramp, right? Like how many times have we been like, oh man, like, I don't know, I'm getting old, like my knees hurt, right? So I can tell you, I use the ramp sometimes over the stairs.

Speaker 1
31:46 - 32:04
or just, oh, it's easier to go around. There's people, whatever, right? So thinking about like, that's the easiest thing I can think of is that something that makes it easy for one person typically makes it work better for everybody. So from the education perspective, it's to me, it's writing something on the board.

Speaker 1
32:04 - 32:24
If you have a student with ADHD or autism and maybe it's difficult for them to listen and take notes or whatever they're struggling with, just writing, hey, reminder that on Wednesday we have a quiz. Also, this is due at this time. Also, this is due at this time. Also, putting it on their learning management system.

Speaker 1
32:24 - 32:35
But a lot of neurodivergent learners, it's hard for them to listen and write things down. Or if you say it at the beginning, oh, by the way, I've rescheduled that quiz number three. It's now on Thursday. That's out.

Speaker 1
32:36 - 32:53
Gone. Now they don't have it. So just taking that time to write on the board is a great example of universal design. So that from an education perspective, that's my best way to describe it, because now everyone has it written down, right?

Speaker 1
32:53 - 32:59
I say written down, right? But I write stuff on the board and kids take a picture of it. Yeah. Photocopied notes.

Speaker 1
32:59 - 33:03
Like it's so easy. It's so easy. Yeah. And now they can be like, Oh, when was that quiz?

Speaker 1
33:03 - 33:18
And that also fosters to me for the students accountability. So, you know, I, I obviously do it within reason, but when students are like, Hey, Dr. Williams, like, when was that quiz again? Right. The first couple of times we'll answer it.

Speaker 1
33:18 - 33:43
And then I'll be like, Hey, just take a picture of the board. Like maybe look at, take a look at that so that you can remind yourself what to do. So then we're taking those lessons and learning them. So yeah, I mean, I would say at home, you know, in terms of a couple of things that I would always love to do is like, I think that for most students, like if you're sitting and working with your child, it's much easier for them to work, right?

Speaker 1
33:44 - 33:56
That concept of body doubling. We all have work that we do at home, right? I mean, I remember being a kid and my mom balancing her checkbook while we were sitting there doing homework. And I feel like- Interesting.

Speaker 1
33:56 - 34:14
Yeah, just sitting there. My students tell me all the time that it works so much better if they are studying with people because when they self-isolate or when they're looking at their computer, they're looking at whatever, social media, whatever keeps us from doing... I'm the same way. No, me too.

Speaker 1
34:14 - 34:38
It works better if I go to a coffee shop and there's other people than if I'm sitting home, I'm like, oh, I'll just go get a snack. and then we'll pet the dog, and then I'm going to, right? So, so yeah, I mean, I would say one of those, like the big ones, that's universal design that works for everyone is, you know, for your students, like if they're working, try and maybe take them from their room and sit at the table with them, try to minimize those distractions and do something with them.

Speaker 1
34:38 - 34:55
Doesn't mean it has to be anything major, but maybe taking technology out of that if possible, right? If they're working on something, like, maybe move the computer because it's a distraction. So have them sit and do that math homework. I know a lot of things are, we need the computer for it, but.

Speaker 1
34:55 - 35:12
I'd also say turning off their notifications, right? Like how I was having a discussion with somebody in the day about how, I don't know if you feel this way, but man, my phone is just like, boom, boom, boom, boom. I can't handle it. So long to go back to what I was originally doing.

Speaker 1
35:12 - 35:30
But I'm literally like, what was I doing? So, and they usually have more ops than we do, right? That helps with even educational things. So when that's like going off, I tell people like, maybe put the phones in a different room, take the watches off, like we will all be okay, especially if it's, we're all sitting at the table together.

Speaker 1
35:31 - 35:50
So those are two things that I would say would be super helpful is working with them, like doing that body doubling when possible, even if it's for 30 minutes, right? I think that also garners conversation about like, Right? We know when people do that, even myself, I'm frustrated. Something's happening.

Speaker 1
35:50 - 35:59
So, hey, like, what can we do to make this assignment easier? Can I help you? Or do we need to email your teacher? Or, you know, what's going on?

Speaker 1
35:59 - 36:23
Rather than a student just being, as we know, and we're alone, we feel frustrated and we don't know. how to answer or, you know, working, that's why working in a group is so important. I tell students, finding a study group and finding your people, especially in college, in whatever classes, I never would have made it without my people. Because when we were working on homework at 11 p.m., you know, because we have a million things to do, we were working together.

Speaker 1
36:23 - 36:30
So someone, oh my God, I think I figured it out, right? Or, and then we'd get like, quarter way through. Oh, that's not right. But we had each other.

Speaker 1
36:31 - 36:50
So I feel like we can have a conversation between parents and students like to see where they're struggling, rather than having a student who's too scared to say, I don't know how to do this. And I've been staring at a screen for three hours. I love that. Oh, those are excellent tips.

Speaker 1
36:50 - 36:58
And I'm going to throw one in because Pompadour works for me. Oh, the timers. Oh my gosh. I am so just so easily distracted.

Speaker 1
36:59 - 37:08
It's ridiculous. And Pompadour goes for 25 minutes. And then it tells me when to take a break. And I literally take that break, I get up, get a glass of water, whatever.

Speaker 1
37:08 - 37:18
And then it'll tell me, almost in my mother's tone, it's time to get back. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, no, for sure.

Speaker 1
37:18 - 37:27
Yeah, sure. And like a sandwiching homework. So starting with the hard, then we pick an easy, then we pick a hard. Oh, that's good.

Speaker 1
37:27 - 37:44
Or even with me when I'm having a day where I'm just struggling to get started, I like have my to-do list and I pick like three things that are easy to start with so that you can just check it off. Because it's so funny, right? But like, how many times do we not do the easy? Do we not take the package back?

Speaker 1
37:45 - 37:54
Do we not like make the doctor's appointment? Oh my God. You're like, oh, that's going to throw me off. But once you start moving through those things, you feel so much better.

Speaker 1
37:54 - 38:03
So write that email and get it over with, make that appointment, and then you feel such a satisfaction. Check. It's so satisfying. Check.

Speaker 1
38:03 - 38:06
Cross. Oh my gosh. Okay. It's not just me.

Speaker 1
38:06 - 38:21
No, it is not just you. Like I said, with everybody, it's the notifications and no matter what world you're in, whether it's corporate, whether it's physically, whatever. We all have something that, oh, my Slack just went off. My email just went off.

Speaker 1
38:21 - 38:33
Someone texted me, right? Like, somebody needs this from me. Somebody called me. And it's just, to me, I get so overwhelmed that I'm just like, like I said, I do those five things.

Speaker 1
38:33 - 38:52
And then I'm like, what was I doing? And it keeps me from getting my work done that I need to get done that's on my list. And I think working with students that are already struggling with that executive, you know, functioning time management issue that just throws another like needle into the haystack of. What was I doing?

Speaker 1
38:53 - 39:08
Yeah, well, and reframing it too, you know, like my phone will ring and, you know, I've been with a partner or somebody who said, you know, are you going to answer your phone? No, I'm not. That's what voicemail's for. Oh, well, I text you at 12 o'clock.

Speaker 1
39:08 - 39:19
It's like, are you OK? Are you dead in the streets? Like, because I have technology does not mean I am 24-7 accessible to you. It is my technology for my convenience.

Speaker 1
39:20 - 39:43
And, you know, I've so many times that I watch kids when the notification goes off and they just whip it out as fast as they can. It's like, maybe you could just pause. Because if it was an emergency, they'd call the school or, you know, even my kids and my mom, we have a system. If they call me and I don't answer, if it's an emergency, they call me again.

Speaker 1
39:44 - 40:09
And so I know if it's two in a row, I'm picking up from wherever. Never happens. Never happens. And so it's, you know, I think reframing around respecting yourself, your time, and your work and, you know, not having people kind of infiltrate that, you know, that piece of work that you're trying to get done, whether as adults or writing a book or doing a podcast or

Speaker 1
40:10 - 40:40
coaching, whatever it is, you know, I feel like we need to really talk to our kids about that. I think that's a great that you're, you know, reminding me of that because it's a, it's a lesson for even me, um, to, I really try to be good about turning my do not disturb on when I have to do something. And I'm just like, Oh, what if so-and-so the client will wait, like the world will wait for you to do what you need to do and making your, that's another bad lesson for all of us to make ourselves accessible to people all the time. You know, like.

Speaker 1
40:41 - 40:53
At the end of the day, same thing. If I'm going to do it, I put it, like my mom can call through, right? Like she's like my case of emergency can get through to me. I think my best friend's on there.

Speaker 1
40:54 - 41:10
But for the most part, learning that your phone doesn't have to be next to your bed. That's another interesting thing that I'm now telling students to do is get an alarm clock. Yes. Because they shut the phone off and they go back to sleep.

Speaker 1
41:11 - 41:27
Where I'm like, they always ask like, well, what'd you do? I'm like, well, we didn't have, so like I literally had the most annoying alarm clock. And I was like, my parents didn't wake me up in high school. I got up and I got dressed and I was expected at 7.05 to be by the front door.

Speaker 1
41:27 - 41:35
And even when I was a kid, my dad would make us put our clothes like on the ironing board. My dad was a crazy iron. Everything had to be perfect. So my dad would iron our clothes in the morning.

Speaker 1
41:35 - 41:56
But the expectation at like 10 years old was have your outfit planned for the night before so that we can eat breakfast, get out the door. Everything's taken care of like, you know, 10, 11 years old, you're ready to go. So I think that's the funniest thing for me when I see like jackets and stuff on the side of the road. by the school, like, who lost their jacket?

Speaker 1
41:56 - 42:09
They went home without a jacket, right? But for me, it's the alarm clock. Like I would set it and I've told so many students, I'm like, when they start college, I'm like, please buy an alarm clock because you have it over there. Yes.

Speaker 1
42:09 - 42:27
You have to physically, as they put it somewhere, physically get up, turn it off, because if not, you know, your roommate's going to be like, go turn that off. But it's so much easier. And they tell me all the time. Oh, thank you, Tara, because I now have to get up and turn it off where they will turn the phone off five times.

Speaker 1
42:27 - 42:42
I mean, I'm guilty of that, right? I have like my five iPhone, like five minutes, five minutes, five minutes, five minutes, right? So we're thinking about how to do that. So yeah, I think investing in an alarm clock is another great piece of advice.

Speaker 1
42:42 - 42:52
Perfect, perfect. Tara, this has been amazing. I want you to tell everybody, please, how to find you, how to work with you. And when is this book coming out?

Speaker 1
42:53 - 43:12
So the book is going to be printed and released in May. You can find out more about that. So the easiest way is our website, which is innovativecollegiateconsultants.com. And that has a free consultation booking for us.

Speaker 1
43:12 - 43:38
So we work really with students who are in K-12 and then really work on the transition to college. So for students with neurodivergence that their parents pretty much know they're gonna struggle with that transition. But you could book a free consultation. There's also resources on our website and that's a link to, has links to our social medias, social medias, social media.

Speaker 1
43:38 - 43:51
Google reviews, everything you want is there. And then when the book is released, we'll have that on the website as well. Awesome. I'm going to put everything in the show notes, Tara.

Speaker 1
43:51 - 43:55
This has been amazing. Thank you. Thank you for the work you do. It's so needed.

Speaker 1
43:56 - 44:00
Please share this episode. You know a teen. You love a teen. You know somebody who loves a teen.

Speaker 1
44:00 - 44:14
Somebody needs to hear this for sure. And thank you for listening to Parenting Teens Advice, redefined for today's world. We will see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode.

Speaker 1
44:14 - 44:40
I hope you loved this one as much as I did. And I just wanted to share something with you because, you know, parenting teens is not just about managing these challenges that we talk about on all the episodes. It's also about evolving alongside them. And I'm Cheryl and not only the host of this podcast, but I'm also the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting.

Speaker 1
44:40 - 45:00
And I help you moms of teens reconnect with your true selves so you can lead with purpose, you can parent with clarity, you can create stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids. Because here's the truth. The transformation starts with you. Together, we will break free from the stress and overwhelm.

Speaker 1
45:00 - 45:15
We will rediscover your power. We will create the life and the family dynamic you always dreamed of. If you're ready to start this journey, let's do it. You might just not recognize your life in the next 90 days.

Speaker 1
45:15 - 45:21
It all starts with a call. There's no pitch. There's no pressure. Just a call to see if I can help.

Speaker 1
45:22 - 45:43
We'll talk about your goals. We'll talk about what's making you feel stuck and what might be getting in your way and everything you need to connect with me is in the show notes. Again, I'm Cheryl. Thank you so much for joining me here on Parenting Teens, advice redefined for today's complex world and the creator of Insight to Impact Coaching and Consulting.

Speaker 1
45:43 - 45:44
Have a great day.