~137~ WTF "“From Panic to Plan: Responding to the End‑of‑Semester Email”

#ParentingTeens #IEPAdvocate #TeenSuccess #ExecutiveFunction #NeurodivergentSupport #SchoolCommunication #FridayFix #Podcast

You just opened that dreaded end‑of‑semester email: 15 missing assignments, three failed tests, a 30 % grade, and every accommodation your teen needs left untouched because “I’m fine.”

In this power‑packed episode Cheryl breaks down why this chaos happens, how to stop the panic, and what concrete steps you can take right now to partner with your teen, re‑activate accommodations, and rebuild communication with the school.

Whether you’re juggling a career, caring for younger siblings, or managing a neuro‑divergent teen who masks at school, Cheryl’s 20‑year experience on both sides of the fence gives you a clear roadmap to turn overwhelm into empowerment.

🔹 Who should listen: Parents of teenagers (especially neuro‑divergent, highly‑sensitive, or “masking” kids) who feel stuck after a shocking school report.
🔹 What you’ll get: A step‑by‑step plan, real‑world language for talking with teachers, and a free 30‑minute clarity call to diagnose your family’s breakdown and map the next move.

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Speaker 1
00:02 - 00:31
Welcome, welcome, welcome, and guess what day it is? That's right, it's Friday, time for your WTF, Welcome to Friday, or what the fuck, depending on how your week has gone, you get to pick. This is a spinoff from Parenting Teens, Advice Redefined. I'm your host, Cheryl Pankhurst, and Fridays is the day I just get to riff on a topic that I think is important, or timely, or I just feel like riffing, and that's what you're getting.

Speaker 1
00:31 - 00:43
And today is for all the parents who just opened that email from school. The one that makes your stomach drop. You know the one. Semester is ending.

Speaker 1
00:43 - 01:12
Marks are coming in and suddenly you're seeing a completely different picture of how your teen has actually been doing. Maybe zero communication all term. And now in week 14, you're hearing that there are 15 missing assignments. three failed tests, your teen is sitting at 30%, and accommodations were never used because your teen didn't want them.

Speaker 1
01:13 - 01:56
Well, I want you to breathe. You're not alone, you're not a bad parent, and today we are going to break this all down. What's really happening, how to respond without spiraling into a panic or blame, and how to advocate effectively from here. I spent 20 years plus in high school system and specifically special education and this was a conversation that was all the time at the end of every semester, there was these questions, there was, I thought they were doing fine, all of, they said they were fine, nothing was

Speaker 1
01:56 - 02:15
happening. And then you get that dreaded email or the phone call at, you know, towards the end of the semester, right before the break, which is great. And you thought you had stayed on top of things all year. You asked your teen, do you need help?

Speaker 1
02:15 - 02:29
How are your assignments? Are you using your accommodations? And all the answers were vague at best. But here you are with a report that says the complete opposite.

Speaker 1
02:30 - 02:45
It's confusing and it's frustrating. And for a lot of parents, it might feel like failure, either yours or theirs, but it's not. Here's the truth. This is not a discipline problem.

Speaker 1
02:46 - 03:02
This is not a laziness problem. This is an executive functioning, communication, and overwhelm problem. And it happens in thousands of homes every single semester. Trust me.

Speaker 1
03:02 - 03:52
Especially with our neurodivergent teens, highly sensitive teens, and teens who can very effectively mask at school. the end of the semester exposes what was building all along. So I want to shift and speak because I sit on all sides of the fence as an educator, as a department head, as a parent, and as an advocate for the parents in the school, and of course, for the kids. I'm going to shift hats for a second and give you the teacher and the school perspective because I've lived on that side and that's the best part about being an advocate is you can really see all sides and come at all sides with compassion and empathy.

Speaker 1
03:54 - 04:22
Teachers send emails, they call, they leave voicemails. Many go weeks or months with no reply. but not because you don't care, but because parents, you are overwhelmed. Juggling a career, you have younger siblings, hockey practice, aging parents, life just keeps on lightning.

Speaker 1
04:23 - 04:50
And communication breakdown goes both ways. Teachers might assume that silence means parents do not want to engage, for whatever reason, not that they don't care, they just can't engage. Parents assume no news is good news. Meanwhile, a teen is quietly drowning right in the middle, and by December, the teacher is frustrated.

Speaker 1
04:51 - 05:17
The parents feel blindsided, and the student feels shame from every angle. No wonder everyone is exhausted. Let's talk about accommodations and why teens say they don't want their accommodations. We need to reframe this as to it's not that you don't want an accommodation, it's that you require an accommodation.

Speaker 1
05:18 - 05:48
Nobody wants crutches, nobody wants glasses, nobody wants bigger print books, but if we require them to learn, then it's something that we require, not something we want. So let's talk about that moment when you discover that none of the accommodations were put into place because your teen told the school, I'm fine. I don't want it. I don't need help.

Speaker 1
05:48 - 06:05
And this is not unusual. Teens, especially teens, refuse accommodations for very predictable and sometimes very obvious reasons. They don't want to look different. They don't want to draw attention to themselves.

Speaker 1
06:06 - 06:23
They don't want their peers to think that they're struggling. They don't want to face the reality that support is required. They want autonomy, even when they're not ready to manage it. And most of all, they fear that they're being judged.

Speaker 1
06:24 - 06:32
So this is where your role shifts. You're not the enforcer. You're not the rescuer. But you can be the anchor.

Speaker 1
06:34 - 07:06
Your teen does not need you to panic. They need you to partner. And that's where we talk a lot about advocating for our kids or advocating with our kids? When you're advocating for your kids, you're calling the teacher, you're changing classes, you want tests redone, you want to do their homework for them, you want to fix the situation because you cannot stand the thought of your kid not doing well and feeling badly about themselves.

Speaker 1
07:06 - 07:36
We've all been there. We all want to fix that. However, what skills are we teaching our kids if we are speaking for them as opposed to speaking with them? And it's never too late, but the sooner you start to advocate with your kid, the sooner they realize that these accommodations are required, and not just required, they are entitled to.

Speaker 1
07:37 - 07:58
Not that they want, teacher's not doing them a favor, it's not special treatment, and sometimes kids feel that way. But if we can start advocating with our kids, and what does that mean? That means if you're emailing a teacher, you're CCing the kid. If you're going to a parent-teacher interview, your kid is sitting right beside you.

Speaker 1
07:59 - 08:26
And it's going to take a few meetings before he or she is willing to talk, but at least they're there at the table. So they learn that using their voice and asking for the required accommodations is totally fine and totally normal and something that they need to do. This is going to follow them for the rest of their lives. So what do you do now?

Speaker 1
08:26 - 08:45
You've got this email, this kid's at 30%, you just want to lose your mind and I don't blame you. This is the heart of today's episode. Here's the roadmap. I want parents to walk through when they are ready to move forward with clarity instead of chaos.

Speaker 1
08:46 - 09:13
And step one, always remember, and I say this in the podcast all the time, it's not them, it's you. And that's where the magic happens because step one is you get to regulate first. You never respond to one of those emails in the first 10 minutes. your nervous system needs to settle and your teen's nervous system will mirror yours.

Speaker 1
09:13 - 09:45
If you are totally going off your rocker right off the top out of frustration, I understand it, but take a breath, take a pause, walk away, get a coffee and then come back to the conversation because the last thing you need is your kid to continue to keep shutting down. There was a reason that you got to this point. So it's time to work around that reason instead of giving them another reason to shut down.

Speaker 1
09:46 - 10:05
So try this after the breath, after the coffee, after the shot of rye, whatever it is you need. Can you sit down and say, listen, I got an update from the school. And it looks like we need a game plan. Now you're on the same page.

Speaker 1
10:06 - 10:22
Now you're on the same team. Can you walk me through what's been going on from your end, from your perspective? This keeps the door wide open, and it's not a yes, no answer. It's not an I'm fine.

Speaker 1
10:22 - 10:51
It's a hey. And until we ask them and really listen to the answer, we have no idea what direction to go. If, you know, Your kid is feeling like you are ganging up on them. You're not going to get an answer.

Speaker 1
10:52 - 11:06
So can you say things like, let's hear what happened. And your kid might say something like, I hate this class. I don't understand anything. And that's, of course, where accommodations are going to come in.

Speaker 1
11:07 - 11:20
And then they shut down. Or they get so far behind. And listen. Mom's dad's cleaning the house, cleaning the garage when you leave it till the last minute and it's way too heavy to look at.

Speaker 1
11:21 - 11:32
Do you want to start it? I don't want to start it. You're overwhelmed. Now we might have the capacity to say, okay, one step at a time, but our kids at this point, they don't.

Speaker 1
11:34 - 11:53
So once you get your kid's perspective, take some notes and look at that and then go back and get the teacher's perspective. Thank you for the update. You can say to this teacher, not what the hell I haven't heard from you from two months and that's not getting you anywhere. And you might be right.

Speaker 1
11:54 - 12:09
You might not have had communication from them, but right now the here and now is to get things back on track. You can worry about not getting communication. and how you can move forward with communication in the future. Can we set up once a week check-ins?

Speaker 1
12:10 - 12:24
When you know my kid has a test and has said no to an accommodation, can you call me please before the test so we can get things straightened out before? So set up your communication system. Some teachers will email. Some teachers will phone.

Speaker 1
12:25 - 12:39
Some pick a day. Some pick a time. If you can make it so that it's convenient for both of you and it's on the schedule, then the expectation is there. So you're not going to be defensive with the teacher.

Speaker 1
12:39 - 12:49
You're going to collaborate. Thank you for the update. We are working on communication at home. Can we schedule a check-in to figure out the next best steps?

Speaker 1
12:50 - 13:10
So now, instead of blindly going into the next eighth of the semester, now we're gonna set something up. Maybe there's 14 assignments that haven't been handed in. Maybe 10 of them are the only ones that they need to grade. Maybe a couple of tests didn't get accommodations.

Speaker 1
13:11 - 13:39
Maybe there's a redo for this test with accommodations. Maybe if assignments are taking 30% of the mark, and your concern right now is not 100% in a mark, but it's a pass, it's a 60, well, let's look at all these assignments with the teachers and say, which ones weigh the least? Which ones can we take off the table this time? It's possible.

Speaker 1
13:39 - 13:59
It's very possible and very doable. Teachers want to help when they feel supported, when they feel respected. Just like you feel supported and respected, you react very differently. So you are reinstating the accommodations.

Speaker 1
13:59 - 14:16
It's not negotiable, but it can be in a compassionate way. And when your student is with you in this check-in, sitting right beside you, you're pulling out the IEP. and you're looking at the accommodations with your student. And if you need to say, why do you need this?

Speaker 1
14:16 - 14:28
Why would you need extra time? Why do you think you need a break? Why do you think you need your test on 10 pages instead of five? Why do you need somebody to read you the questions?

Speaker 1
14:28 - 14:43
Understanding why they're getting these accommodations can clarify things for them. And your team does not get to decline the support that they require. and they will not always self-advocate. We know that.

Speaker 1
14:43 - 15:02
That's why you're their lighthouse, but you are not their lawyer. The ones that schools rarely hear but make the difference is, where is this breakdown happening? These are questions we're asking with our kid sitting at the table. Where's the breakdown?

Speaker 1
15:03 - 15:20
Are they having trouble getting started with the assignment and then they give up? Are they having trouble completing the assignment because it's long and it's arduous and they can't write and they haven't used their computer? Is it organization? They don't know what assignment is due when.

Speaker 1
15:20 - 15:32
Or is it comprehension? Do they need some remedial help? How is the teacher prompting the accommodations? How are they presenting, offering the accommodations?

Speaker 1
15:32 - 16:07
Or are they just putting the accommodations in place? What effective executive functioning supports are in place? So executive functioning is organization, it's time management, it's impulse, it's rushing through an assignment to get it done because you just don't have the capacity to sit through an assignment. Can you ask the teachers, can we, student and I, kid and I, get a weekly communication plan so we don't get blindsided?

Speaker 1
16:08 - 16:31
This is parent advocacy with your kid, not for your kid. So I feel like There's probably a million parents out there going, oh my God, that's my house. That is my house. And from an advocate's perspective, when a parent brings me into a situation like this, we don't just put out fires.

Speaker 1
16:32 - 16:49
I don't go in guns a blazing. And that's because I have been on all the sides of the fence. I'm not just the parent. I'm not just an advocate hired to come in and get things going and get things right and make it all Better.

Speaker 1
16:49 - 17:05
That's not what a good advocate does. A good advocate knows that there are different sides to the story. There's different perspectives. And if we have everybody at the table feeling seen and heard and respected, including our kid, then we are going to move mountains.

Speaker 1
17:06 - 17:16
We don't just go in guns a-blazing. We create a structure. We create a system. We create a plan that works for the school, the parent, and your kid.

Speaker 1
17:17 - 17:34
I translate what the school is actually saying. I know the capacity of what a school can help with and support. I know the limitations and I know how to get around those limitations. I help parents communicate effectively even when emotions are high.

Speaker 1
17:34 - 17:57
We know that when parents come flying into meetings or get on the phone or bold email, we know they're not unjustified and being angry and frustrated, but they're just, you're scared. You're a parent and you're scared. You're a neurodivergent teen. You have no idea if they're going to pass or fail.

Speaker 1
17:57 - 18:04
You don't know if they're even sitting with somebody at lunch. You don't know if they're going to graduate. You don't know where they're going to go in life. And then you get this.

Speaker 1
18:04 - 18:16
and you feel like you're the only one that has your kids back. And that's hard. It's so hard. I help teams put accommodations in place properly, not just on paper.

Speaker 1
18:16 - 18:39
And listen, there's so many accommodations that are good for the entire classroom that it doesn't make more work for the teacher. It just makes a better learning environment for everybody. I guide the teens in understanding their own brains so compliance becomes empowerment, not an embarrassment. This is never, ever about fixing your teen.

Speaker 1
18:40 - 19:12
It's about giving them a foundation that lets them rise and learn how to use their voice in their time, but to see the importance of being able to do that. So if you're listening and you're thinking, oh my God, this is us, this is exactly what's happening in my home at the end of every semester, we need support. And I don't want to wait until June to fix it. I want to invite you to something simple and pressure-free.

Speaker 1
19:13 - 19:48
I offer a complimentary parent advocacy call where we look at what's actually going on beneath the school reports. We look at assessments, we make sure that they collaborate with the IEP in place. We talk about how to rebuild communication with your teen and how to get the answers from them as opposed to the shutdown and the overwhelm. We talk about how to get the school aligned and following accommodations and how to take the emotional charge out of this entire process.

Speaker 1
19:49 - 20:09
In a half an hour, you will know exactly where the breakdown is and what your next step should be. This is not a sales call, this is a clarity call. It's support, it's my jam, it's what I do, and I know it's so needed. And it's a reset button at a time when parents feel lost.

Speaker 1
20:10 - 20:28
If you want that, you can grab a spot through the link in the show notes. I would love to help you create the shift your team needs and the peace you deserve. Thank you for listening to WTF. Welcome to Friday or what that means.

Speaker 1
20:28 - 20:52
I appreciate you listening. And if you know a team, if you love a team, if you know somebody that loves a team, please share these episodes out because there's somebody sitting at home going, I just got the call. You've got 30%. You have four weeks to pull up your socks and get things going in order to pass this course.

Speaker 1
20:52 - 21:06
Otherwise, you have to do it all over again. And there's one thing about grade nine. When kids are in elementary school, K to eight, there's no failures. They never fail.

Speaker 1
21:07 - 21:29
And there is a justification for that. Fine, I'm not an expert in K to eight. But when they get to grade nine, What they have to understand is you have the opportunity to fail, because now it's like a numbers game. The marks create the numbers, create the pass, create the fail.

Speaker 1
21:30 - 21:45
And so your kids now have the opportunity to fail. And if they're never used to that because of K to 8, this is going to be a whole new ballgame for them. So we really need to sit down as a team. It's a team.

Speaker 1
21:46 - 22:19
And your kid is the main star, quarterback, and we are just coaching them and guiding them and shifting their perspective on what they want, what they require, what they will always require as they get through college, university, workplace, they're always going to require some kind of a combination. So why not give them the voice now that they need? And I am so happy to help you with that. Again, my name is Cheryl Pankhurst.

Speaker 1
22:19 - 22:25
I'm your host. Have a beautiful weekend and we will see you next time. Bye for now.