When The Call Hits Home | Episode 4: A Lifetime of Lessons with Craig Nieft

Highlights from this episode include:

• Craig’s Impactful Advice: Hear the touching story of a troubled teenager Craig mentored who later became a police officer, grateful for the tough love he received.
• Balancing Discipline and Love: Craig talks about the delicate balance of being a strict yet reasonable parent, and the high standard he set for himself due to his career.
• Emotional Toll: Ashlee opens up about her anxiety regarding Craig’s safety during crises like Hurricane Katrina, and the broader public perception issues that affected their family life.
• Professional Sacrifices: Craig shares how he managed the demands of his job while trying to not miss out on family events, and the adjustments made to his work schedule.
• Mental Health Awareness: The importance of mental health support for first responders is discussed, along with Craig’s own methods of decompression through hobbies.
• Family Dynamics: The episode highlights the strong bond between father and daughter, maintained through shared interests like sports and a deep mutual respect.

Join Ashlee and Craig as they reflect on the life lessons learned, the sacrifices made, and the enduring love of family through the highs and lows of a career in law enforcement.

_We dedicate this episode to all the first responders and their families. Your resilience and strength inspire us every day._

Follow Us:

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whenthecallhitshome 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whenthecallhitshome/ 
• Website: https://whenthecallhitshome.com/ 

#Podcast #FamilyStories #FirstResponders #LawEnforcementLife #Parenting #MentalHealth #PoliceOfficer #WhenTheCallHitsHome #HurricaneKatrina #FatherDaughterBond #Resilience #WorkLifeBalance

Support Us:

If you enjoyed this episode, please consider supporting our podcast through:

• Streamlabs - https://streamlabs.com/careermastermind/home 
• PodOpsHosting - https://podopshost.com/6599eb430f288  

---

Thank you for listening, and as always, we’re here for you “When The Call Hits Home.”

Ashlee [00:00:07]:
Welcome back to When the Call Hits Home. My name is Ashlee Gethner. I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and I'm a child of a police officer. So what you will find different about this episode is that I am without my amazing cohost, Jennifer Woosley, who is also a child of a police officer, but I'm without her. She gets the day off today, which is well deserved. We get to take I mean, I think that's the beauty of having 2 cohosts doing this is that we get to take some time off here and there, but, really, why we decided to do this episode is because Jennifer and I recognize we would not be able to do any of this if it weren't for our fathers. So for both of them being police officers, it's super important for us to not only learn from them, but let them know how much we do appreciate them allowing us to continue our adventure of what it was like for us as a child, and, really, it wouldn't be possible without them. So she gets the day off.

Ashlee [00:01:04]:
However, in the future here, you will get an episode with just her and her father where today you are gonna get me and my dad. So it's going to be really cool. I'm excited about this opportunity. I'm very excited to interview my dad and to learn a little bit more from him and to let you guys into my life and what it was like for both of us. So my dad is Craig Nieft. He did 29 years as a police officer, and I think he's gonna be really excited to share his story. So, again, welcome back to when the call hits home, and we're excited to share with you today. So, dad, welcome to when the call hits home.

Ashlee [00:01:41]:
If you want and you're open to it, tell us a little bit about yourself and what led you to becoming a police officer.

Craig Nieft [00:01:48]:
Well, my name is Craig Neift. I'm 57 years old, been retired for 7 years.

Ashlee [00:01:55]:
It's been 7?

Craig Nieft [00:01:56]:
7 already. That goes fast.

Ashlee [00:01:58]:
That went really fast.

Craig Nieft [00:01:59]:
I'm happy I got 7 in already. I started thinking about becoming a police officer when I was working security at Woodfield Mall, and always wanted to help people. Always wanted to be in a first responder role. Actually wanted to be a paramedic prior to being a police officer. And, of course, I stood in the wrong line. I should have been a paramedic. Yes. But no.

Craig Nieft [00:02:24]:
I would no. Being a police officer was was good. Being a being a copra was good to me and my family, and it was a good job. It was satisfying, and I felt like, I was doing something to help people.

Ashlee [00:02:37]:
So there is a statistic out there, if you don't mind me sharing that. A lifespan of a first responder after retirement is typically 5 years. So you beat that statistic. However

Craig Nieft [00:02:51]:
I did beat that statistic, but I did run into a little heart attack that

Ashlee [00:02:56]:
did have a heart attack.

Craig Nieft [00:02:57]:
That happened couple years ago now. 2 years almost.

Ashlee [00:03:00]:
Last 2 years I think.

Craig Nieft [00:03:02]:
Yes.

Ashlee [00:03:02]:
Right? But and how sad to know that that's so common for all of our first responders?

Craig Nieft [00:03:07]:
Oh, it's unbelievable. That's why nowadays, they I guess the the new police officers have to stay till they're 55 or put 25 years in. And that's sad because then they don't get the to, you know, experience their retirement.

Ashlee [00:03:24]:
Well and what people don't recognize is that the reason that happens is because of how high stress the job is. And so those negative stress hormones are constantly in your guys' body, which is a great thing for the job because it it helps you stay alive. Right? And it helps you do the things you need to do to make it home every day, but it's not so good long term.

Craig Nieft [00:03:44]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:03:44]:
And there's not so much help for people after the career to realize that, hey. We gotta take care of ourselves to make sure these things don't happen.

Craig Nieft [00:03:53]:
Yeah. Because you never think about that during your career. No. Never crosses your mind. You just deal with it, and that's that.

Ashlee [00:03:59]:
Right. Exact well, exactly. So how long were you a first responder before you became a parent?

Craig Nieft [00:04:06]:
I think a year, I think. Or no. I was a parent before I was a first responder, I think, for about a year. And everything, I had all the stress factors. I got hired as a police officer. I bought a house. I got married, and I had my first kid. So those four stressors were like, boom.

Craig Nieft [00:04:26]:
And but I did know that I wanted to have a career so I could raise a family and have health insurance and be able to pay for things. So I just did my best and and made it made it through the academy. And and the Chicago Police Academy is where I went. And, it was a metro class. 1988 is when I went through that class. It was a little difficult. I mean, it there's some tough times, but that's what gets you ready for the job.

Ashlee [00:04:55]:
Yeah. So you didn't you didn't even know the career prior to becoming a parent. So for you, you were just right in the hustle and bustle.

Craig Nieft [00:05:02]:
Right. It's I was thrown in the fire. Here we go.

Ashlee [00:05:05]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:05:05]:
Deal with it.

Ashlee [00:05:06]:
Okay. Then you went on to that was Britney. We're just gonna call her out right now. That was Britney.

Craig Nieft [00:05:12]:
Britney. And then

Ashlee [00:05:12]:
you went on to have Katie and then myself.

Craig Nieft [00:05:15]:
Correct.

Ashlee [00:05:16]:
Did you ever recognize as you got going in your career, did you ever recognize a change, like, in terms of parenting, or did you ever feel like the career had

Craig Nieft [00:05:28]:
know that they're gonna be held to a higher standard. They just think regular kids, but you're held to a higher standard. And I didn't want to, I didn't I didn't wanna be embarrassed. I didn't want to you know, I wanted to make sure that you guys were good people, and and and we had to be.

Ashlee [00:05:47]:
Is there fear? Is there fear behind some of that of, like, your children not turning out to be Absolutely. People after you kind of learn how people can be

Craig Nieft [00:05:57]:
Absolutely.

Ashlee [00:05:58]:
Through the lines of the job. Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:05:59]:
To with you go to these calls and you see and you deal with kids that wanna run away and kids that are starting to do drugs and kids that just don't listen to their parents. And I it's it was a fear. You're always like, we cannot be this way, and I don't wanna go home to a family that isn't, you know, held to a higher standard. That's all.

Ashlee [00:06:24]:
So one thing that I do remember when I was a kid is that at home right? Like, if we did something wrong or we didn't do it correctly or what what have you. Right? Like, say you weren't pleased with our stuff or we got in trouble, we were disrespectful, whatever. And there was consequences that came from that. I do remember mom vaguely saying over and over again, like, you can't treat your daughters like the criminals you arrest on the street. Do you feel like that was something that was hard to turn off? Or I like, so from my perspective, I always kinda see it as, like, in the when you're patrolling, you have to stay in control of the situation. So for you, one thing that really works for you is because you're a pretty big man, like, you're built bigger, and so, like, fear. Right? Like, instilling fear in the people that you were working with who were maybe becoming uncooperative, most of the time, put them back in the right place. Right.

Ashlee [00:07:22]:
Right? Like, it wouldn't have to go any further.

Craig Nieft [00:07:23]:
You always had to have you always had to have and take charge of the situation.

Ashlee [00:07:28]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:07:28]:
That's above and beyond because what happens when you don't, and I'm sure Right. 90% of officers will tell you that bad people start taking advantage of you and people get hurt. Correct. So I I always kept that line of thought and and and maybe not so much. Again, maybe worried about, like, you know, if I heard something that you girls did that was not right, I'd be like, no. Let's let this in a but Yeah. And don't let's you know? And then maybe I was perceived as you're being too hard on the girls or you're you're you know? That's too. So I was like, no.

Craig Nieft [00:08:07]:
I'm just making sure that the girls don't end up Right. Like what I have to work with a lot of times. That's all.

Ashlee [00:08:13]:
That's fair. I think that's super fair. Because I I would see that being, like, hard as as an adult. Right, now that I'm aware of all these different situations. That's hard to turn off, in my opinion. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that that's a huge part of what comes home from the job. It's just all day at a certain way, how does one person switch and turn that off?

Craig Nieft [00:08:34]:
Right. Right. And I think it's a good I look at that as a good good thing because then I thought good or, you know, all that Yeah. Our family isn't isn't embarrassed or I mean, things understand that, but I just always wanted to one step ahead of that and make sure that everything was, you know, okay in our family.

Ashlee [00:08:54]:
I think that's pretty fair and accurate. Was there ever a call that you felt impacted your parenting? I know of 2, so I have to call you out because I know of 2.

Craig Nieft [00:09:07]:
I mean, there was there was calls that involve children that were

Ashlee [00:09:12]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:09:14]:
Were murdered by their own parent.

Ashlee [00:09:16]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:09:16]:
Things like that. And there were accidents where I saw some bad things in in a a little, you know, toddler chair strapped in the back of the the and it was not good. But I always always had to put that in its network. And then Yeah. Maybe you got an extra squeeze at home, and you didn't even know it.

Ashlee [00:09:37]:
Yeah. I was that's what I was gonna say. I think there was one time that I actually knew that you had something bother you. And I'll put this out there as, like, a little bit of a trigger just because I don't who in case anyone's listening, that isn't comfortable with this, like, it was an incident where a adolescent had died by suicide, because I think that they specifically got into an argument with their dad.

Craig Nieft [00:10:05]:
Yes.

Ashlee [00:10:06]:
And that was one time that I remember you coming home, and I re I like, I very much shall remember you saying, hey. You know, if we ever fight, if we you know, I'm yelling or whatever, just please know that I always love you. Like, please don't do something like that. And so I re but I remember that day being kind of shocked because that was the first time that you've you opened up to us about something that had happened on a job like that and seeing it impact you. I do remember the death of those little children to impact you, but talk about it with us. I just knew something had happened.

Craig Nieft [00:10:37]:
Bad. Yeah.

Ashlee [00:10:38]:
Yeah. How did you decompress? Like, how'd you turn that switch off when you came home to decompress after seeing scenes like that?

Craig Nieft [00:10:46]:
I think I just, you know, realized that the 14 year old boy

Ashlee [00:10:51]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:10:52]:
Stepped in front of a train, and they knew it. And Right. And, of course, like you said, I'm a I'm a bigger guy. So a lot of times, times, the department utilized me to help

Ashlee [00:11:03]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:11:04]:
You know, remove the bodies. And and, yeah, the dad came out that day, and he he he was screaming his son's name. And, it was just I just plugged my ears actually and walked away because you you just you can't even fathom that. You're not thinking like, oh my god. I can't believe this just happened. And but, again

Ashlee [00:11:25]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:11:26]:
You compartmentalize it, and you you have to move on with your day.

Ashlee [00:11:30]:
One thing that I think I noticed for you like, you growing up is that you were really good with staying with your hobbies. So you love to fish. You love to hunt. You love football. You love all those things, and I think that that is something that really your resilience throughout your career is that you didn't move away from those things. Right? Like, you still did them even though been stuff like that. You still engaged with them.

Craig Nieft [00:11:58]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:11:58]:
And I think that really helped you process those bigger incidents and find an outlet, honestly.

Craig Nieft [00:12:05]:
Right. Right. Well and that's one thing I always I always tried to stress with some of my coworkers that I know lived as a police officer.

Ashlee [00:12:14]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:12:15]:
I worked as a police officer. That was my job.

Ashlee [00:12:17]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:12:18]:
When you start living and you start Pretty

Ashlee [00:12:21]:
much identifying. Right? Like, that's how

Craig Nieft [00:12:23]:
identify then that's when you lose control, man. You you can't you gotta you gotta keep it as worked as a police officer. And then when you get home and you the things because I did I do realize now that after retirement, what that's that's it. Nobody there's no statue of me at the station. There should be. There should be. And the, the, you know, the ID card didn't work anymore. And, you know, I I love hunting with my dogs, and I love fishing.

Craig Nieft [00:12:58]:
And I love my grandkids to death, and I love my kids. And that's that's what life is about. You gotta realize what life is about. And your goal basically is what I tell these young kids is make sure you keep your pension. Don't do nothing stupid where you lose your pension. Yeah. Because Well

Ashlee [00:13:17]:
and I think that that's could probably go down a rabbit hole. We don't have to go down it, but I do think that that's hard for these officers these days. There's so many obstacles that can happen. So, well and that's actually a really good topic, though. Not going completely down that rabbit hole, but in terms of your career impacting us as a family at home, I know that I was super anxious about you being a police officer in certain things. I wasn't so as a kid, but I was during hurricane Katrina.

Craig Nieft [00:13:47]:
You would you didn't want me to go?

Ashlee [00:13:48]:
Yeah. So they asked so background, they asked my dad to go because if I'm remembering correctly, I was pretty young, but there was gang violence happening? Or

Craig Nieft [00:13:57]:
Oh, just it was just chaos.

Ashlee [00:13:59]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:13:59]:
Chaos. I mean and, actually, they didn't ask me to go, but I was gonna volunteer.

Ashlee [00:14:06]:
But you they had a group that went from Right. Your department. Yes.

Craig Nieft [00:14:09]:
Yeah. And they said and you, like, you emphatically, you cried. You said, dad, don't go. You you can't go there. And and, I mean, I understand that. That's gotta be tough for for a child of a first responder. Like, this is this is danger. You know? You don't if there's any danger regular going to work.

Craig Nieft [00:14:28]:
You you kinda like, oh, it's okay. Yeah. You know? You work in the north side of town. It's kind of quiet. But, but when that happens, something like that happens, you're like, holy mac. Yeah. Yeah.

Ashlee [00:14:40]:
I don't

Craig Nieft [00:14:40]:
want my dad to go and get in the midst of all that because I don't want something bad happening.

Ashlee [00:14:45]:
Yeah. And the second time for me was obviously as I got older and then when I was in my master's program. And I've spoke about this in previous episodes now, but just recognize it hearing all that stuff in terms of the world and recognizing that people didn't like police was a really big deal to me because I just personalized it. Like, I was like, well, that's my dad. Sorry. I'm super fearful. Towards the end of your career, I did not I was like, okay. You can retire now.

Ashlee [00:15:11]:
Okay. You can retire now, any day now. Like, please just be done. So I do remember that a lot and and not having an impact on me personally.

Craig Nieft [00:15:20]:
That was probably the hardest part of the end of my career Yeah. Was the, I guess, frankly, the lack of respect that and and I always was like, wait a minute. I I always respected the police and people that I know, like, respected them. And and then and then towards the end of my career, it almost became a game or something to try to try to rattle a police officer or try to put them down or try to do something where you're like, well, I thought I was always taught. You just listen to them and and, you know, trust them.

Ashlee [00:15:52]:
But I think that speaks to your integrity, because I think that was something you held at a very high regard as a police officer.

Craig Nieft [00:16:00]:
Absolutely.

Ashlee [00:16:00]:
And so it was just, honestly, at that point, compromising your values.

Craig Nieft [00:16:04]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:16:04]:
And and, you you know, towards the end, I think it was just hard for you to feel like you uphold those those things that you used to always have. Right? So I'd really tested your integrity, whether it be from the public or your own department, I'll be honest.

Craig Nieft [00:16:19]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:16:19]:
Which is kinda sad. Right? It's that's a hard thing. I think organizational aspects of working with within police departments are really complicated.

Craig Nieft [00:16:27]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:16:28]:
It can have a big impact. Was there ever something in parenting? So this is kinda reversed. So we talk a little bit about the job as it pertains to parenting, but was there ever something parenting wise? I'm not sure. Or approach it differently? What do you think?

Craig Nieft [00:16:42]:
No. I mean, I knew I had I had 6 sets of eyes that were, you know, keeping an eye on me that that I knew I had a I didn't want I never wanted to let down, and I couldn't. I couldn't afford to let them down. And so I just made sure that I did everything to the best of my ability. I tried to be safe. I tried to be obviously, I was fair. I never had to look over my shoulder and and worry about not being a FAIR officer or anything like that. But that real I mean, as far as affecting me, I just didn't wanna let you guys down.

Craig Nieft [00:17:19]:
I didn't wanna let anybody down.

Ashlee [00:17:21]:
Right. Right. And so I this kinda feeds into my next question. Did you ever notice an impact on your profession, like, the profession itself onto us as a family as a whole?

Craig Nieft [00:17:33]:
No. Not not really. I mean, I think I think you guys you guys were pretty good at at accepting the fact that I was a police officer and that things sometimes happen bad, and and and you guys were pretty understanding, you know, with the whole thing and and knew that, yeah, this is the job that pays for the Disney trip. And this is the job that pays for SeaWorld and

Ashlee [00:18:00]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:18:01]:
Yeah. Anything. I mean, everything worked out really well.

Ashlee [00:18:04]:
No. Yeah. That's true. I would think I did talk about in the last episode, the, like, the holidays and stuff.

Craig Nieft [00:18:12]:
Oh, yeah.

Ashlee [00:18:13]:
Was that hard for you to have to be gone?

Craig Nieft [00:18:16]:
Well, yeah, I missed a lot, of course, especially in beginning. You you you're working we rotated backwards, rotated midnights, afternoons, and days. Every 28 days, we rotated. And then things started to get better when we went to 12 hour shifts. And and, fortunately for me, my parents had a house in my you know, I was patrolling most of the time. And I could see you guys

Ashlee [00:18:46]:
When we were younger.

Craig Nieft [00:18:47]:
When you were young, when your mom would take you up there and I can meet up with you guys and spend a little bit of time and then have to go do what I gotta do. But that's that's just part of the job and that's, you know and like I said, at the end, you get a pension and and you're happy.

Ashlee [00:19:03]:
Right. Basically.

Craig Nieft [00:19:04]:
So so it wasn't it wasn't so bad missing. I mean and and everybody sacrifices with jobs, every job. You know? Yeah. The firemen get to sleep at night, but that's a little jabbing.

Ashlee [00:19:16]:
Oh, yeah. They're gonna come back

Craig Nieft [00:19:18]:
at you. I stood in the wrong line. I

Ashlee [00:19:19]:
said better. Yeah. They're they're gonna come back at you now. Right. We're gonna have, like, a a little thing going back and forth on this podcast. But I think the reality is, right, like, no relationships I I know I speak a lot about the struggles that I've had here and there or that we have had here and there. But one thing that I stress more than anything is the fact that we're still super connected. Even though I'm an adult now, I think we still have a really, really strong bond.

Ashlee [00:19:50]:
And I've heard you openly say a few times that, like, not everybody that you work with has that bond with their children. And so I I know for us, and I spoke about this in a previous episode as well, but I know for us I think, at least, from my perspective, one of the things that really always helped us come back to a good relationship is sports.

Craig Nieft [00:20:13]:
Yeah.

Ashlee [00:20:13]:
So whether it be me playing sports or, like, going and watching sport you know, I'm a huge football fan. I think everybody knows that. I'm a huge Bears fan, but a lot of that stems from you. A huge Cubs fan, but that's all from like, our connection to that, I think, is what has always kinda kept us really strong.

Craig Nieft [00:20:30]:
Right. And then bring it back around when I've described some coworkers that lived as cops, I did not. Mhmm. I always thought that, you know, when the when the last day comes and the door shuts

Ashlee [00:20:46]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:20:46]:
You don't there's nothing there. There's nothing you don't go back. Yes. It's a family, and I have lifelong brothers that I love to death. And but I also knew and prioritized even back then when I coached you guys in softball and when we did things, you know, like going up to South Dakota. And I mean Yeah. I mean, I always thought and knew that it's about. And so tremendously, relationship after the fact that, you know, I'm not I'm not I'm the dad that's your dad.

Craig Nieft [00:21:22]:
I'm not the dad that's a cop. Yeah. I'm a I'm your dad. Right. That was that.

Ashlee [00:21:28]:
Yeah. Do you think it's beneficial for police officers now? So one thing that I believe is beneficial is that there should be more communication, age appropriate communication. But, like, if a police officer has a bad day, I think it's fair to say that they could come home. They don't have to share what they saw, but say, hey. I need a few minutes to decompress. I had a bad day. Right? Per se. It's like my career.

Ashlee [00:21:50]:
Do you think that's something fair? You know?

Craig Nieft [00:21:54]:
Absolutely. And it's as time goes on and you people like you and people realize that there's some stuff that, you know, happens to policemen everywhere. Like, when I went to Kentucky with you Yeah. I I heard so many stories that I said, wait a minute. I did it happened to me

Ashlee [00:22:15]:
Yeah. Or

Craig Nieft [00:22:15]:
this or that. And, yeah, it's it's Yeah.

Ashlee [00:22:21]:
Tough. It is tough. It is tough. Well and mental health for you

Craig Nieft [00:22:27]:
It that's what I meant. That's

Ashlee [00:22:28]:
wasn't a thing.

Craig Nieft [00:22:29]:
Right. Right? Like Oh, no. No.

Ashlee [00:22:31]:
That wasn't even grew up. You grew up. Just kidding. You

Craig Nieft [00:22:34]:
Maven't.

Ashlee [00:22:35]:
Yeah. Right? But your career when you were policing wasn't so, like, mental health friendly.

Craig Nieft [00:22:44]:
No. There was as a matter of fact, you were you were targeted as a person that couldn't handle it.

Ashlee [00:22:50]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:22:51]:
Weak. Weak. You can't handle it. And I think I mean, I've always been that way. I've always, you know, I've always bottled it up, or I've never say anything. And I don't know if it's a special thing that you have or that you do, but I think I always knew that this is my job, and and I really wanna be good at this job, or I wanna, you know, be good at being a father and at this job, so I have to just you just keep going forward. You don't you don't have time to reflect and worry about other things. You just gotta worry about what's happening to you and taking care of people and serving the public and taking care of your family, and you just keep moving forward.

Craig Nieft [00:23:33]:
You have to you have to do that. And I think I I mean, I still feel that way. Like, I you know, you never

Ashlee [00:23:39]:
You're not you're not the most open to emotion, though. No. But you also weren't open to us when we were kids with, like, you were just really tough. Like, remember when my finger was, like, hanging off?

Craig Nieft [00:23:51]:
Yeah. You And

Ashlee [00:23:52]:
you said What a bad one. To go to the emergency room, and, you know, there's a gaping hole, but that's fine.

Craig Nieft [00:23:58]:
Rub some grass on it.

Ashlee [00:23:59]:
Exactly. Yeah. That's that's what I'm saying. Right? Like

Craig Nieft [00:24:03]:
That is true. There

Ashlee [00:24:04]:
was some like, sometimes for children of first responders now I will say, like, I'm so it's pros and cons. I'm so grateful for that because as I've grown older, I do think that it's helped me tenfold in a lot of ways, and then there's times too where I'm like, I'm, you know, like, I I hate being sick because I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm sick, and I can't miss work because I'm sick. And, you know, and that all stems from growing up. Be sick. You can't be hurt.

Craig Nieft [00:24:30]:
That's right.

Ashlee [00:24:31]:
And you know? But you can be. You can be.

Craig Nieft [00:24:34]:
Right. Right.

Ashlee [00:24:35]:
So but I I think that's a, you know, a great point. Do you feel more open now that you have me in this mental health world for first responders? Like, do you feel a little bit more open to recognizing some of those things?

Craig Nieft [00:24:47]:
I when I, again, when I went to Yeah. Kentucky. Kentucky, we we, and I was in those groups. I mean, you you realize, like, wow. This is people need this, and it's really a good thing. It's really they just it's it's awesome. It's awesome. Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:25:08]:
And and now you hear more and more about it, and, mental health is it's the real deal. Yeah. It's not a joke, and it's not it doesn't show weakness. It's it is what it is. Yeah. And and I know some old timers that just deal with it, and they don't say it to anybody because they still have the old time. You know, I that's just the way it is. Don't worry about me.

Ashlee [00:25:33]:
Yeah. For sure. So Do you have any favorite memories from being a police officer?

Craig Nieft [00:25:39]:
Oh, boy. I mean Lot of good situations. Yeah. A lot of you know, little the little guy ran away from his house. Now he was little. He was a teenager, and and I told him that there's nobody in this world. You know? I I sat him down, and I I talked to his mom before I told him this when I said, there's nobody in this world that gives a shit about you Mhmm. But your parents.

Ashlee [00:26:03]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:26:03]:
That kid ended up becoming a a cop.

Ashlee [00:26:05]:
Oh, I didn't remember this. Didn't he invite you?

Craig Nieft [00:26:07]:
He did. He did.

Ashlee [00:26:08]:
Graduation, right, from the academy?

Craig Nieft [00:26:10]:
Yes. And he became a cop. And he he'd always thanked me. I mean, that was a good feeling. Like, he always thanked me profusely about, you know, thanks for being tough on me and being saying like saying like it is because that's the way it is. Yeah. You know? And Yeah. And things like that.

Craig Nieft [00:26:28]:
Just good situations where, you know, there's so many. I can't even remember. 29 years of stuff that

Ashlee [00:26:36]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:26:36]:
You know, makes you smile when you when it when you think about it. Like, oh, yeah. I remember, you know, CPR and this guy, and he lived or this and that and things that, you know

Ashlee [00:26:47]:
For sure.

Craig Nieft [00:26:48]:
Good things. Yeah.

Ashlee [00:26:49]:
Awesome. Is there any parenting advice that you would want to pass down to others who are first responders?

Craig Nieft [00:26:59]:
I would say that my girls turned out good. So I did I would say I would tell you that it's okay to be strict. It's okay. You're not you don't you don't have to be their friends. It's okay to to you know, don't you're not doing them any favors by helping them through everything.

Ashlee [00:27:21]:
Right.

Craig Nieft [00:27:22]:
You gotta you gotta let them and discipline them and Yeah. Let them hang once in a while. And because if you bail them out of Yeah. You know, at the end of whatever.

Ashlee [00:27:39]:
You know? Yeah. You

Craig Nieft [00:27:40]:
know, at the end of whatever in their life that their start their adulthood. And, so I think

Ashlee [00:27:49]:
You could still have it sounds like what you're saying is you could still have that you should still have that ability to parent. Right? Like Exactly. To just parent. I mean, I think it all comes with balance.

Craig Nieft [00:28:00]:
Within reason.

Ashlee [00:28:00]:
Right. Yeah. Everything.

Craig Nieft [00:28:02]:
Yeah. Everything within reason.

Ashlee [00:28:03]:
Within reason. Yeah. Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:28:06]:
Yeah? I mean, I might have been a little hard on you. I know I was. And I think you might have

Ashlee [00:28:10]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:28:11]:
Described the situation going away to college, and then you had you didn't like it there, and you came back. And I said, what said some nasty things. But Yeah. I was like, damn it. I don't want her. I

Ashlee [00:28:22]:
want her to be a failure. All fear. Oh. Right? Like, I know now completely that your fear was driving this emotional reaction

Craig Nieft [00:28:32]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:28:33]:
Of, like, you can't come home because you're gonna be a failure. You know? So I I get that, but I think what we've for me is like a therapist. Right? What I have to recognize that not every child gets to this point of realizing that.

Craig Nieft [00:28:46]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:28:46]:
And that's why sometimes with first responders, we have to understand that our words do matter when we talk to our kids. Right? Right. So we can't be there's balance. There has to be balance for sure.

Craig Nieft [00:29:00]:
Right.

Ashlee [00:29:00]:
Absolutely. Anything else you wanna share or any thoughts? Anything in general?

Craig Nieft [00:29:06]:
No. I guess well, maybe a little bit.

Ashlee [00:29:09]:
Oh, yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:29:11]:
What I wanna say is that how honored I am to be part of your your guys' podcast and and how proud I am of you and your doctorate's degree after I thought you were gonna be a nothing. And

Ashlee [00:29:26]:
Wait. I do wanna share something

Craig Nieft [00:29:28]:
Oh, boy.

Ashlee [00:29:28]:
For the whole world.

Craig Nieft [00:29:29]:
Oh, jeez.

Ashlee [00:29:30]:
So this man told me that if I graduate with every single degree that I would get a truck, that I get his truck verbatim, then he bought a new truck. He didn't say which truck I would get. Right. So from my understanding, it would just be passed to the new one. I have yet to actually get that truck, but I did buy my own. So I guess that that's And

Craig Nieft [00:29:52]:
I probably owe you 3 trucks.

Ashlee [00:29:54]:
The invoice is sitting in my email still waiting to be sent, you know, but we're gonna get there one day. I'm just kidding. Keep going. Sorry. Happy

Craig Nieft [00:30:03]:
to hear. I was so happy, and I I thought it was motivation. And then I'm like, oh, geez.

Ashlee [00:30:08]:
Motivation. Parenting 101. If you motivate your child to get something like that, you gotta follow through.

Craig Nieft [00:30:13]:
Through. Yeah. Well, I don't know. We'll see.

Ashlee [00:30:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. We'll see. One day, I'll get the truck. I'll get the truck. But, anyway

Craig Nieft [00:30:21]:
But I'm proud of you, and, I'm proud of what you've made of yourself and

Ashlee [00:30:26]:
Thank you.

Craig Nieft [00:30:26]:
Proud of the all of my girls and

Ashlee [00:30:29]:
Yeah.

Craig Nieft [00:30:29]:
And the family, how it turned out. And

Ashlee [00:30:32]:
Yes. Britney and Katie are rocking

Craig Nieft [00:30:35]:
it. Every every Yeah. I get compliments all the time from all my friends, like, oh, you're girls. And I'm like, yep. That's my job. That was my job is raising these girls to be better than better than I was, and they all all 3 of them are.

Ashlee [00:30:50]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Well, thank you again for coming on today. I know this isn't easy. It's a little bit new to do, but also for allowing me to take this path in my career because I know it's not easy probably to hear me. You know what I mean? To I use our lives to educate others, and to teach them things. And so I just greatly appreciate that, and everybody knows that you're my best friend, though. If people know me, they know that.

Ashlee [00:31:16]:
So that's something that I always stay true to, and I'm just thankful that we have this. Happy Father's Day

Craig Nieft [00:31:21]:
Thank you.

Ashlee [00:31:22]:
Because it's gonna air either right before or right after. So happy Father's Day. He's going to Canada fishing.

Craig Nieft [00:31:27]:
Yes. I am.

Ashlee [00:31:28]:
He's doing his coping. He's still doing his coping. And so, I mean, honestly, we're so thankful that we had my dad on today, and, like I said, Jennifer is gonna be on with her dad in the future as well. But always as a reminder that when the call hits home, Jennifer and I are gonna be here for you. So thank you guys for listening today, and we'll see you next episode.