Parenthood and First Responder Life: A Firefighter's Wife's Journey

Jennifer [00:00:06]:
Hi. I'm Jennifer Woosley Saylor. I'm a licensed professional clinical counselor and the kid of a cop, and this is the podcast when the call hits home.

Ashlee [00:00:14]:
Hey, everyone. It's Ashlee Gethner. I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and I'm also a child of a police officer.

Jennifer [00:00:21]:
Hi. Welcome back to the podcast When the Call Hits Home. I'm Jennifer.

Ashlee [00:00:26]:
And I'm Ashlee. And today, I have my little sister on. Well, she's not, like, biologically my little sister, but she's definitely my little sister. Like, there's no there's no difference in life here. So I'm super excited. We grew up together. We grew up in a little small town together called Belvedere, Illinois. And if you don't know what that is, that's exactly why.

Ashlee [00:00:45]:
Cows and corn. So if you can imagine, we had to come up with a lot of different things to keep ourselves busy. We got into a lot of trouble together. I don't know. My best memories are with Bree. So I'm gonna hand it over to her now to introduce herself and, I guess, teach you all a little bit about her. So go ahead, Bree.

Breanna [00:01:01]:
Hi. I'm Bree. Thank you so much, Ashlee and Jennifer, for having me on. I really appreciate it. You guys do awesome work, and we enjoy listening to your podcast, so I appreciate it. I grew up with Ashlee for a long time. She's like my big sister that I never had. We do have a lot of fun memories together.

Breanna [00:01:18]:
I am married to a firefighter paramedic. We've been together a little over ten years now, and I'm also a nurse. I worked in the neonatal intensive care unit, and we just had our first baby, like, seven months ago. So I'm currently staying home with him, which I enjoy very much.

Ashlee [00:01:36]:
It's a hard job. It's a hard job, though.

Breanna [00:01:38]:
It is a very hard job. It's never ending job.

Ashlee [00:01:43]:
Yeah. Right? For sure. Absolutely.

Jennifer [00:01:46]:
Well, congratulations on a new baby. And I was saying before we hit record, like, you're one of the people that know Ashlee the longest, so I want all the stories on her. But we'll talk a little bit more about being a new mom, a nurse, a married to a first responder today. So you guys have been together for ten years. How'd you guys meet?

Breanna [00:02:09]:
So we met when I was in high school. We actually went to the same high school, but we never saw each other. He is a little older than me, and he did, like, a dual program thing. So he was only at the high school for, like, a couple hours, and then he went to the college and did classes.

Jennifer [00:02:24]:
Mhmm.

Breanna [00:02:25]:
And we met through mutual friends. And, actually, it's kinda funny because, like, my friend group was trying to set him up with one of our friends, and my husband was trying to, like, set me up with one of his friends. So, like, we really weren't interested in each other, and we were, like, trying to set each other up. That did not work, obviously. And now we've been together for, yeah, a little over ten years.

Jennifer [00:02:49]:
That sounds like a really cute movie script that you actually write. That's pretty adorable.

Breanna [00:02:53]:
I mean,

Ashlee [00:02:54]:
it's really It's super adorable. Like, I feel like this could really, really pan out. This will be our next project. No. It's gonna be

Jennifer [00:03:00]:
like, like, filming a movie.

Ashlee [00:03:02]:
But I cannot you were, like, ten years, and I'm like, holy moly. Like, time goes so fast. I can't really believe that, and that is so fair. Do you feel like I know that there's no way to absolutely always prepare yourself for things in life, but, I mean, I guess growing up, were you ever interested in first responders? Like, I don't know. Some people are always, like, yes. I like those firemen. Or how did you prepare? Were you prepared to be married to a

Breanna [00:03:25]:
a firefighter? So I grew up I did not have any first responders in our family. Like, I didn't really know anything about it or anything about them or the field or career. I was I didn't wanna be a nurse either when I was, like, in high school. My mom actually went to nursing school probably when I was, like, in middle school or so. I'm not a % sure. But and she kind of, like, inspired me to become a nurse and kinda, like, went down that career path. And I like, we were we're, like, really the only two nurses, and now I have a bunch of people in the family of, you know, primary paramedic, nurses, all kinds of things. I was not prepared at all for being in a relationship with a first responder.

Breanna [00:04:12]:
I didn't know what that was like or what that I didn't know anything about it. When we first got together, we kinda lived a little ways away from each other, so, like, I would only see him on the weekends. And he he's always been he's been doing it since we met, so it was like a whole new life, a whole new world for me. I would typically only see him, like, on the weekends. And at that time, he was on the fire department where he could, like, during the day, he had to be at the firehouse, but, like, at night, he could respond from home, which was nice and it wasn't because I would drive to come see him, and it never fails. Like, I would get there and he would have to leave. And, like, it took a couple hours for him to, like, come back home. And, you know, then it was like, well, I have to go home now or whatever.

Breanna [00:05:01]:
It was really hard for me at first and it really it was a learning curve. Like, I had to learn Yeah. Adjustment for sure. Yeah. Definitely. You know, like, I got upset a lot or not really mad at him because, like, I you know, I knew, obviously, he had to go. But it was like, oh, I really wanna spend time with you and now we can't. And, you know, now I won't see you for another couple weeks or whatever.

Breanna [00:05:26]:
So that was hard. But then we we moved in together a couple years later, and I I think that was, like, the hardest transit transition because I grew up in a family. I have two younger siblings too. Like, there was always people at home, always things going on. And then I, you know, we move in together and live together, and he's gone all the time. Like, he you know, like and if we do have time together, like, he can leave any second. So, you know, I was, like, I was very lonely and, like, didn't really I didn't know anybody really in this town that we lived in. I was, you know, I wasn't close lived close to my family.

Breanna [00:06:08]:
So it was just like a big it was a very big adjustment for me to go from, you know, everybody around all the time to, like, just me.

Jennifer [00:06:17]:
I appreciate you being so honest about that. And you kinda went ahead and answered my next follow-up question. So thank you for, like, sharing all that stuff. But I appreciate what you said there so beautifully in terms of, like, I was frustrated. I wasn't frustrated with him. But to travel all this way, to make plans, and as usual, the plans change, you know, that is a frustrating thing. And I think sometimes it can be a hard dynamic in first responder relationships to say, I'm not mad at my first responder, but I am frustrated. And I think sometimes there's not always space for both of those.

Jennifer [00:06:57]:
That if you're frustrated, well, you're frustrated with your first responder, and and that's not fair. Or the opposite, you know, well, I just can't be frustrated. And so then, you know, a person can just kinda push those feelings away. And so I think you said that beautifully of, like, hey. This was my feeling, but, you know, I recognize obviously that he didn't have any control over that and and understood it. And I appreciate you also too just acknowledging, like, hey. It was really lonely that time when we first moved in and, you know, him not being there. I think that's an experience I often hear in that first years of marriage or first year of living together with first responders.

Breanna [00:07:40]:
Yeah. And I think too so I'm a nurse, and, like, I we kinda he went through paramedic school at the same time I was kinda going through nursing school. Okay. So it was also kind of nice at the same time because we were both busy. We were both, like, studying. And, I mean, we could, like, help each other in a way too because, you know, like, it's kinda both in the it's in the medical field. Yeah.

Jennifer [00:08:05]:
Yeah. They overlap some

Breanna [00:08:07]:
for sure. Yeah. Yeah. We could, like, study and stuff together. Like, after I got my nursing license and stuff, I worked night shift. So it was kinda nice because I worked the same shifts that he did. Mhmm. So we would both come home.

Breanna [00:08:23]:
And, I mean, I worked nights, so I was tired and, you know, he was up all night or whatever, and he would be tired too. So, like, it was nice because we'd both come home and go to sleep or, you know, take a nap or whatever. So that was kinda nice. And I also kind of learned, like, when he's gone for twenty four hours, like, those are my days to, like, do stuff for me. Like, I would try and, like, you know, I could sit on the couch and watch TV in my pajamas all day, nobody would know. Or I could go shopping or hang out with friends or, you know, do whatever. So I tried to, like, do things so I wasn't, you know, so lonely and, you know, like, it was just a big adjustment, so I had to learn how to do things myself.

Ashlee [00:09:10]:
I actually really love this because I don't know that we've ever stopped to talk about, like, what does it look like for self care for that spouse?

Jennifer [00:09:18]:
Mhmm.

Breanna [00:09:19]:
You know

Jennifer [00:09:19]:
what I mean? Talked about that.

Ashlee [00:09:21]:
Right. And I think that you just described that perfectly. Like, I do think that people either let that consume them or your resiliency right now is like, no. Okay. I'm gonna how do I work with this? Right? If this is our life now and neither of us can can control it to a degree. Right? Like, how do I take care of myself then within these twenty four hours so that when he does come home or we are a family again, hopefully, it's a good, you know, like, a good time. Like and if we're not pouring into ourselves, that can be really, really hard to do. So I feel like I hear you saying, I took the time to recognize, like, you know what? He's working.

Ashlee [00:09:58]:
I miss him, and I gotta do me a little bit too. I gotta

Jennifer [00:10:02]:
go home. Still fill this time. I can still fill instead of sitting in those feelings, I can do things to adjust that. Yeah.

Breanna [00:10:09]:
Right. Right. Yeah. Like you guys said, I mean, it's my life now. So, like, I have to, you know, adjust to it and learn. And, yeah, that helped me. And then I also, like, became good friends with one of the other wives of Okay. Somebody on the department.

Breanna [00:10:28]:
And that was very nice because people don't know what it's like until you're living in it. Absolutely. I can tell somebody a hundred times, like, you know, it's try and explain it and nobody truly gets it until you're in it. And so it was just nice to have somebody that I could talk to. Like, our husbands were both on the same shift, so they were working the same day. So, like, we would also, like, get together and do stuff because, you know, they were gone. So we would hang out. And it was just nice because it was somebody to talk to also who, like, got the situation that you were in as well.

Jennifer [00:11:07]:
Yeah. Yeah. And it's nice when you're not having to explain things. Right? Like, you know Right. Husband wanted to be here at this party, but he got called away. And, you know, that you don't have to explain your situation to somebody. That's always

Breanna [00:11:23]:
Yes. I get all the time, like, oh, like, where's he at? Like, you know, we haven't seen him in a while. You know? And I'm like I mean, he feels just as bad. Like, you know, of course, nobody wants to, like, miss anything, but, like, that's just you know, it's life. Like, that's what we have to do. It's just we we work around things. Like, you know, our son was born and my husband worked, like, Christmas and Thanksgiving, like, all the major holidays. Mhmm.

Breanna [00:11:51]:
First first holidays. And, you know, like, it sucks, but, like, we try and celebrate other days. You know? Like, it doesn't have to be that specific day that we need to celebrate. This year, we, like, had a huge family gathering the week before Christmas, and, like, we all got to get together and stuff. So, like, you know, we still celebrate. You know? We just kinda gotta, like, learn how to adjust and do different things.

Jennifer [00:12:17]:
Well, I think that's a beautiful way to say, like, we're prioritizing this family time, but we get to make it on our terms too. Instead of it just like, well, we missed Christmas, so we didn't have Christmas. Well, no. We still celebrated. We just did it for our family in that way. That's beautiful. Right.

Ashlee [00:12:35]:
So you already brought him up, but there is a precious little baby that has entered this world. He's the cutest little guy. And

Jennifer [00:12:42]:
He's adorable.

Ashlee [00:12:43]:
Thing that we have kinda talked about, right, is, like, Jennifer and I were talking about it. I'm like, we haven't really had anyone on here yet who really has, like, really literally firsthand experience. What it is like navigating a newborn, like, becoming parents for the first time and then having a spouse as a firefighter. Right? And so, obviously, to which you're comfortable here, but just kind of wondering how to becoming a mom kinda change, like, your dynamic a little bit, or what what is that experience been like for you?

Breanna [00:13:17]:
Yeah. So I think before we had our son, it was like, you know, like I said, like, I could take me time. I could do what I want, or it was just him and I, and it's like my husband was gone. Like, I didn't have to think about anybody else but myself, you know? And I get a little, nervous, like, around storms and, like, you know, tornadoes. Like, I don't like that. And we're getting up on that, and it's bad weather. And, like, a lot of times, like, my husband will leave, and he's like, I know, like, you're safe, you're okay, you know, I know all where you're at, whatever. Well, now it's like, okay.

Breanna [00:13:55]:
But now I have another human, like, that, you know, that we have and that we have to take care of and that we have to think of and, like, I don't know. It's just very different. Like, before, like I said, it was just me, and now it's like I we have a son. And so it's still important for, like, my husband to take care of himself so that he can be the best dad and best husband for, you know, us, our family. Because now, like, we're tired all the time. You know, we have a seven month old and he never sleeps. And so, you you know, when my husband goes to work and he's up all night and then comes home, he's tired. I mean, you know, like, he has to take care of himself too and take a nap or something so that he can be the best dad for, you know, our son and best husband for, you know, all of us.

Breanna [00:14:46]:
Now it's, like, difficult because we have to think of, like, okay. We need plans a, b, c, d, and e because Right. These don't work out. Like, we have we have to do something. You know? I mean, like, well, I'm gonna use today as an example. Like, I he was gonna be home and watching him, but he got a call and had to go. So it's like I have to figure out, okay, what are we doing with, you know, Dawson? Like, you know, who's gonna watch him? Who's gonna take care of him? So it's it's definitely a big adjustment. It's just I'm learning every day, learning new things.

Breanna [00:15:23]:
I think one of my bigger things is, like, expectations. Like, I can't and I don't mean this in a bad way at all, but I can't expect Damien to be home or rely on him to be home at a certain time because most of the time, it does not go that way. So, like, I have to think of things or plan you know, like, I have to go about my day. Like, if we have something to do, like, I have to go do it. You know? And I learned how to do it with our son. I don't know.

Jennifer [00:15:55]:
I just Yeah. Of course.

Breanna [00:15:58]:
It's just a learning curve. You know, it's just a learning curve. Like

Ashlee [00:16:01]:
I literally love this right now because I think you're making such such big like, this is gonna be a huge impact, I think, for new moms who are married to first responders because I think that's so true. Like, again, right, this piece of, like it's not that I you're not disrespecting your husband at all. Right. No. Obviously, know that he can't control it. You He can't help it. But the reality is these jobs impede on consistency. Right? Right.

Ashlee [00:16:26]:
Like Right. It it makes it incredibly hard, like you're saying, to plan all these all these things when it can change on a dime.

Breanna [00:16:33]:
Right. And, like, I mean, right now, like, our son, like, has a routine. You know? Like Yeah. And we have to keep that for our sake and for his sake. But it's like, okay. Like, you know, Damien's supposed to be home at 07:00 in the morning. Like, I can't be like, okay. He's gonna, like, be home at seven.

Breanna [00:16:52]:
He's gonna help me out with the baby. He's gonna, you know, make breakfast. And what like, I can't be like that because then a lot of times, like, you those expectations won't be met, and then you, you know, you just get upset about it. Right. And like I said, it's not like it's their fault or anything, but it's just if you have those expectations, you know, and they don't get met, then it's, you know, upsetting. So I feel like the best way I go about things is, like, I just have to do what works for us and, you know, like, continue our routine and stuff. And then when he is home, like, you know, he joins in and help I mean, he helps out, and he's a great dad. I just have to kinda go and do my thing.

Jennifer [00:17:39]:
Well, I appreciate that wisdom to know, like, why I could sit here with all these expectations, but I'm just, you know, really setting myself up if that doesn't happen. And, again, I think you're really speaking into Ashlee's point again. Babies do need a routine. That's an important part of, like, baby being home and trying to set up some normalcy in this alien that just showed up at our doorsteps in a lot of ways. And I I think to say, like, it is hard to have a routine with somebody who's responding to emergencies. Those aren't set up with routines or with clock in and clock out times. Like, that that is a difficult thing. And so, I mean, it it is hard hearing you, like, to say, like, I kind of got to do it, you know, because that's got to get done.

Jennifer [00:18:26]:
But at the same time, it's like, I think you're doing it in a really wise way. And knowing when he does show up, he's amazing. You know? It's just, well, I'm not gonna sit and wait and know exactly when he's gonna show up, so we're gonna continue on. I actually had a NICU question I wanted to ask. Well, in terms of being a nurse in a NICU, and I'm thinking about all that you know about babies and then becoming a mom, was there anything I don't know. Just can you talk a little bit about that in terms of, like, having so much information about babies and their well-being and and how to take care of them to becoming a mom of your own baby?

Breanna [00:19:08]:
Yeah. So I I love my job. I love working in the NICU. I don't right now because I am staying home with, a

Jennifer [00:19:15]:
nurse. Baby.

Breanna [00:19:17]:
Yeah. I loved it. And I of course, like, you know, I got upset when because it's all, like, you know, preterm. It's all very sick babies. I when I had Dawson, I it really affected me. I really struggled at work because I was like, I, you know, starting IV, I was like, I cannot poke this baby. Like, I just kept, like, seeing my son, and I was like, it broke my heart. Like, I was like, I just can't do this.

Breanna [00:19:48]:
And so it was really hard for me to do that, like, go back to work and see, you know, all the sick babies. And, like, pregnancy was hard for me too because I see all the bad things that go wrong all the time. And so I was, like, anxious all the time. So I was like, what if this happens to me or what if this happens to me? And then he was here, and I was like, what if he's doing that? Like, he's acting weird. Like, does he have this? Is like, he's doing this. Does he have this? And I was trained, you know, like, being a nurse, like, I assess twenty four seven. I'm watching my babies. I'm, you know, like, I'm I don't wanna say looking for something wrong, but, like

Ashlee [00:20:32]:
Oh, yeah.

Breanna [00:20:32]:
You know, I'm making sure that there's nothing wrong constantly. And so when we had him and I'm like, is he breathing okay? He has this rash. Like, what does this mean? And Damien was like my husband was like, he's fine. You know? He's not those preterm babies. He's not a sick baby. He doesn't, you know, like. And so it was very hard for me to, like, come back, and it still is sometimes, you know. Of course.

Breanna [00:20:56]:
I stepped away from it for now. So it's gotten a little better, but, yeah, it was very hard. And sometimes, like I say, the more you know, like, the worse it is sometimes.

Jennifer [00:21:05]:
Can I just say I'm gonna overshare here for a second? But when we started and you said you were a new nurse, I was like, oh, man. How lucky for your baby that, you know, you're a nurse. Because what I could've given I was such an anxious mom, and I had some postpartum anxiety after I had my son. And I'm thinking, oh, you'll have all this information because you're a nurse, and, like, how lucky for your baby. But it makes it worse in a lot of ways. And I think, you know, I hear that. Like, I because you know everything that can go wrong because you

Breanna [00:21:37]:
Right. For both of us. Like, for You're

Ashlee [00:21:39]:
just about to say that. I'm like, that's a really good answer on his end either. Like

Breanna [00:21:44]:
No. Like, my husband too, like, you know, he saw horrible things, went to, you know, like, with children and things. And so, like, he was like, we were both anxious people, and so, like, we went to the doctors one time, and I, like, was like, well, what is this? What is this? And she, like, looked at me, and she's like, what do you do for a living? And I was like, I'm a NICU nurse. And she's like looked at my husband. She's like, what do you do? And she like, he told him, and she's like, oh, so that's why you guys are so anxious. And I'm like, it's it's horror. Like, it's the truth. Like, when you see all those bad things every day, like, it's hard to think because, like, people are like, you need to stop.

Breanna [00:22:25]:
Like, you need to look back and see, you know, you're only seeing a portion of society or whatever. Like, there's so many babies who are healthy. There's so many people who are healthy. Like, you guys are just seeing the worst. And so, like, you need to realize, which is very, very hard to realize when you when all you see is bad every day. Yeah. It was hard for me to go from being a NICU nurse to having a baby then. You know, I knew, like, how to do some things versus Yeah.

Breanna [00:22:58]:
If I wasn't, I'd probably be like, I have no idea. But then at the same time, it made me more anxious because it was like, he doesn't have a wet diaper. Is something wrong? Like, is he dehydrate? You know, like, all these things Yeah. In your mind. And, like, excited, same for my husband too. Like, I don't know, like, SIDS and things like that, you know, like, we've seen issue you know?

Jennifer [00:23:20]:
The worst of the worst. Yeah.

Breanna [00:23:21]:
Yeah. It's just it was hard. It was hard. Well and I

Ashlee [00:23:25]:
have a little question to bounce off of this, if that's okay, of, like, how much time did he get off when the baby was born?

Breanna [00:23:33]:
He was actually pretty lucky, and I was very thankful. He had, like, three weeks off, and then he went back a day. And then he was he had, like, four weeks off total Okay. Which was very nice. It was very nice to have him home, and I think it was just a big adjustment for both of us. So it was nice to have that time as a family. But when he did go back to work, it was hard because

Jennifer [00:23:57]:
so hard.

Breanna [00:23:57]:
Yeah. So hard. Like, it is. I'm like, oh, can you just stay on forever? Right. You know, I'm by myself with this newborn who he was a very difficult baby. Like, he had lots of issues in the beginning, and I was like, I don't know what to do, you know. Like, I'm by myself for twenty four hours and then, you know, my husband's coming home and he's tired, like, he has to get sleep. So it's like, then I'm by myself still with this baby who, you know, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

Breanna [00:24:30]:
Well, I'm not

Jennifer [00:24:30]:
that's why

Ashlee [00:24:31]:
I brought this up. Right? Because I think that there's some truth to, like, all those thoughts you just shared, right, of being being overly nervous about all these things, and then all of a sudden you're just alone. Right? Not only that, but you're postpartum. Right? Like, that's just every you know, like, you have to go through that because you're a woman. And, like, you're home alone and all these things, and I was just thinking about that because I was like, well, how much time did he get off? I mean, yeah, it sounds like he got more than maybe some maybe other people do, but, like, in the grand scheme, like, four week, three weeks, four weeks, nothing. Right? Right. That notion of, like, you're alone twenty four hours.

Jennifer [00:25:07]:
Oh, I was a puddle when my husband went back to work after we'd had our son. So Yeah. Yeah. It is extremely hard.

Breanna [00:25:16]:
Like, I was, like, super anxious and stuff. And so, like, at least him being home, I could, like, have him tell me, like, it's okay. You know, like, one day, our son never slept. And so one day he was sleeping, like, two, three hours, and I called my husband at work and I was like, something's wrong with him. Like, you have to come look at him. And he's like, you need to relax. Like, he's okay. You know, like, that's what babies do is they're supposed to sleep.

Breanna [00:25:41]:
And it was just it was just hard for me. And, yeah, like you said, like, now I have to adjust to this life of me taking care of this baby, and it's just us two while, you know, Damien's at work for twenty four hours. And I think the other thing people don't realize is he's not just gone for twenty four hours. You know, sometimes he's gone for forty eight hours.

Jennifer [00:26:05]:
Mhmm.

Breanna [00:26:05]:
And even, like, if he works for those twenty four and he's home, at any second, he can leave. You know, he's gonna leave. Like, if there's, you know, a fire, like, people are calling for extra help. And, like, I do get it. Like, you know, he's like, if it were me asking for help, you know, I would want people to show up.

Jennifer [00:26:25]:
Of course.

Breanna [00:26:25]:
So, like, I I don't get you know, again, it's a expectation. Like, I have in my mind, like, he can leave at he's going to leave at any second. So, like, you know, just kind of knowing that, I guess. Because like I said, it's not just the twenty four hours. Like, it's any I mean, there's many times, like, we are going to the grocery store and he's like, we got a call. I have to go. Like, you know, and he goes. Or, like, I've been in the car with him a couple times.

Breanna [00:26:54]:
He's like, we have to go instead of going to this place or whatever. We have to. You know, like, it is what it is. You know? Like, you then, you know, okay. Then I'll stay on my phone and sit and scroll TikTok or something, you know. And try and, like, find something to do or find something for yourself or something because it life never goes the way you want it to go.

Ashlee [00:27:19]:
That's so fair. I know we've been pretty heavy on kind of these, like I don't I I just think they're the realities of what it is to be a new parent while you're first responders, right, and your husband's a firefighter. But what would you say that you enjoy most about parenting with Damien, with a firefighter?

Breanna [00:27:38]:
I honestly there's so I mean, it's, like, just so cool to, like, have him grow up in a family like that. Mhmm. I my husband's fire department is amazing. They're all so amazing. They will do anything for us at any point. I bring our son down to go see him, you know, all the time, and they everybody just, like, loves him, like, wants to, you know, play with him or whatever. Like, you know, the chief, I mean, they're all so great. And I think Dawson, our son, you know, like, he's with me all the time.

Breanna [00:28:13]:
So, like, I come home and Dawson's just like, oh, it's just mom again. But, like, he hasn't seen dad in twenty four hours. So, like, dad comes home and he, like, lights up and he's smiling and laughing at him. And, I just think that's really cool to see, you know, like, them two bond and, you know, like, I know, like, it's kinda hard because they're away. But at the same time, like, when they come home, you know, like, Dawson, like I said, he gets so excited to see him. Like, he, you know, he loves him. So I think that's kinda cool. And, I mean, it really is like a big family.

Breanna [00:28:50]:
I'm friends with, like, a lot of the wives or I mean, a bunch of people down at the fire station I'm friends with. So that's really nice because like I said, again, we all have something in common. Like, we get each other's schedules. We get, you know, them being gone or, you know, whatever. And I have a friend who also her husband's a first responder and works with my husband, and they just had a baby too. And so it's like, you know, we can raise our kids together. And, you know, I think that's just kinda cool. And, yeah, like I said, I take Dawson down to see him and, like, see the fire shots.

Ashlee [00:29:26]:
Their pictures are the sweetest. Their pictures are

Breanna [00:29:29]:
the ball. Well,

Jennifer [00:29:30]:
I have to say I just love this idea of, like, you know, parenting with a first responder. It sounds like you get such a bigger family. You know, it sounds like the firehouse is its own family that gets to be in your son's life. So that's just beautiful. I

Breanna [00:29:44]:
love that. I love it. He's got lots of, aunts and uncles down there.

Jennifer [00:29:48]:
So That's so wonderful. Yeah. What would you want new moms to know in parenting with the first responder? Like, from your experience, what would you think would be, oh, this would be, I don't know, something I would wanna pass on?

Breanna [00:30:01]:
I think communication is, like, a big thing. I think you really need to, like, we for example, we have, like, a Google Calendar and, like, we share what we're doing for the day or whatever. You know, like, I know Monday nights, like, he's at training every night, you know. So, like, I can kinda plan our stuff around his schedule too. And like I said, just communicating with each other, like, what do you what do you need? What do you need from me? What do you what does he need from me? I think my biggest thing again is, like, those expectations. Like, don't try not to have those high expectations because it's only going to, you know, make things worse. I think when you go into the day, like, okay, it's just me and the baby or whatever, like, then if he's home, great. You know, like, it's extra family time you guys get together.

Breanna [00:30:55]:
But if not, like, you know, at least you planned for just the two of you. Mhmm. I think, oh, it is important to, like, try and find those friends who understand the same situation that you're in.

Jennifer [00:31:06]:
Right.

Breanna [00:31:07]:
I think that's very helpful, like, whether they're moms or not, you know, like, it's just nice to have that other person that you can talk to about things, about their work or schedule or, you know, whatever. And just, like, I try to I know it's it's very hard, but, like, just try and enjoy. Like

Jennifer [00:31:25]:
Yeah.

Breanna [00:31:26]:
I love being home with my son. Like, I try and look at it from, like, okay. Like, I'm the one who gets to teach him things or I'm the one who gets to watch you know, just, like, different things like that. So Well

Jennifer [00:31:39]:
and it goes by quickly. I mean, when I got to see your handsome little boy, I'm like, I wish mine was that small still. Like, it goes by so quick. So I think that's beautifully said. Said. I feel like you've given us so much great information, Brie, from talking about your own experience as a nurse. I really appreciate you sharing that to what it's been like on this journey. But I was also promised some, like, Ashlee stories and some Ashlee dirt.

Ashlee [00:32:05]:
So No. Brie. So Brie, like, yes. This is her first time being involved. Like, her husband is the first responder. Right? But she was exposed at a young age to a wild one that everybody on this show knows and has grown to love. So she she grew up with Craig as well. And I do wanna ask, what was that like for you? I mean, I have to I have to I have to think that it was a little bit different coming into my household when you were a kid and seeing just how he was or how things were done or what that looked like.

Ashlee [00:32:37]:
So for I guess from your outside perspective, like, what was that experience like for you?

Breanna [00:32:43]:
Yeah. So I do wanna share really quick. So back to, like, the mom thing. I went to a fire conference for spouses, and one of the things that really stuck with me, they said, like, you know, you have to, like, find your people. Find your people that you can connect with, rely on, you know, talk with. And I think, like, I kinda goes back to, like, with what I said about, like, finding, you know, those people because it is super helpful. And I know I'm, like, on Facebook pages and stuff and, like, some people will say, like, our departments are small. Like, we don't really have that or I can't talk to people or whatever and, like, I mean, I'll be your friend.

Breanna [00:33:24]:
You know? I don't know. Like, you know, just try and find people because it is really important and it has really helped me. So, you know, if anybody can yeah.

Jennifer [00:33:35]:
You know, community is just such an important part of building any healthy resiliency or any kinda healthy, you know, interpersonal skills within ourselves. Like, you know, feeling alone in a situation no matter what it is is extremely hard, and I think that's beautiful point, Bree, that building community is so important.

Breanna [00:33:54]:
Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, back to Ashlee. I Ashlee was very she got worried a lot about her dad.

Ashlee [00:34:04]:
She

Breanna [00:34:04]:
would come over all the time, and she would be like, you know, I haven't heard from him. You know, something is going on. And me, like, being a kid, like, I didn't understand, like, what I'm like, you know, Ashlee, he's probably sleeping or something. You know? Like, even my mom, like, I remember her saying, like, you know, he's probably sleeping. Like, you know, it's fine. Like, nobody, like, understood, like, her worries, you know. And now, like, now as I'm older and, like, I am in that life, like, I do get where she was coming from. But, yeah, it was just interesting to see, like, you know, like, hear about her and her dad.

Breanna [00:34:43]:
And I personally thought, like, it was cool. Like, I was like, oh, yeah. Her dad's a police officer. You know, like, she tells me all these cool things she does. You know, I I know she talks about the fourth of July thing a lot, and I know, you know, she's talked about that a lot. And, you know, I was like, oh, wow. You know, like, those are so cool. But I remember one time, I don't know if I was, like, maybe in middle school or something.

Breanna [00:35:04]:
And you guys, like, like, like, you guys talk about, like, strict rules and stuff. And one time I go over there, and her dad's, like, a taller, bigger guy. And I had my nails painted, and he's like, what is that? And I was like, what do you mean? And he's like, my nails were painted black. And he's like, you have black nail polish on. He's like, you cannot wear that. You need to, like, take it off. And I was like, what? Like, I can't have, like, nail polish. Like, what does this mean? And, like, I still joke with him sometimes because I'm like, that has stuck with me.

Breanna [00:35:45]:
You know? Like

Ashlee [00:35:46]:
Breeze never painted her nails black again.

Jennifer [00:35:49]:
No. I'm like,

Breanna [00:35:50]:
I cannot do this. Like, you know, I can't be like that. You know? Like, nothing wrong with it, but it was just like, you know

Jennifer [00:35:57]:
Apparently, it was wrong for him. He was like, absolutely not.

Ashlee [00:36:01]:
And a lot of us girls, we were not allowed to and I think that has to go back to, like I think he literally in his brain equated, like, black nail polish to, like, you being, like, a rebel or, like, a Right. Like, a like, just, like, I guess, emo. Whatever. E whatever. Right? Goth. Whatever. I don't know. Like, just not

Jennifer [00:36:19]:
Some antisocial.

Ashlee [00:36:21]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, like, my dad's like me. When I love, I love hard. When I let people in, I let people in hard. Right? Like, that's just how it is. And so, like, for poor Bree, like, she was brought into our family.

Ashlee [00:36:34]:
So then my dad was like, well, I'm a treat you the same way.

Jennifer [00:36:37]:
So I'm a parent you. You're

Ashlee [00:36:40]:
not gonna get out of this. Like, you know? Oh my gosh. That's so funny.

Jennifer [00:36:44]:
I can see, though, having your friend's dad be a police officer, and he your dad is tall and being like, what? Like, that would be so scary.

Breanna [00:36:54]:
Yeah. It was just, like, funny because I was like, oh, okay. You know? I can't do that again, and I can't go there, you know, with with my nails painted or whatever. Yeah. And I do remember, like, going over there and, like, you know, spending the night and stuff and, like, it'd be daylight and, like, he would be sleep thing or something. You know, like, he'd be we gotta be quiet. Like, my dad's sleeping or you know, and I never I guess I never really thought twice about it. I was just like, oh, okay.

Breanna [00:37:22]:
You know, he's sleeping, you know, whatever. Like I said, now that I'm older and, like, I am married to a first responder, like, I get it. You know, I get, like, you know, she's like, okay. You can come over, but you have to be quiet. We can't be loud. You know, like, you're gonna wake my dad. And I was like, we don't wanna wake your dad. You know?

Jennifer [00:37:40]:
Yeah. Nobody wanted to

Ashlee [00:37:41]:
wake up, Greg. That's for sure.

Breanna [00:37:44]:
You know, but I do I remember, like, we used to have, like, fires, you know, altogether as neighbors and stuff. And, like, you know, he would talk about it or tell us, like, you know, funny stories or something. And I don't know. I just thought it was, like, really cool and interesting to hear him talk about it. And he was so, like, passionate about it too, you know. Like, he loved doing what he did he did. So

Ashlee [00:38:07]:
Yeah. It

Breanna [00:38:07]:
was just yeah. It was nice. And I love their family very much.

Ashlee [00:38:10]:
I will call us out one time. We were way too young, so I don't know who allows us to do these things. But Bria and I got into a really bad go karting act.

Breanna [00:38:19]:
I didn't even say that.

Ashlee [00:38:20]:
Oh, yeah. Like, really bad. Like and his response was terrible. Like, Bria, I don't know if you even remember that, but I was bleeding from everywhere. And he comes and he gets the go kart off of us, but he just immediately started screaming at me. Oh. Reacting me. Like, bad.

Ashlee [00:38:39]:
Like, I don't I couldn't I was in shock, so I don't even know, like what

Jennifer [00:38:43]:
was said. Yeah.

Ashlee [00:38:44]:
What exactly was said. But, like, now that I'm older and I look at it, I'm like, Brie was probably, what the hell? Like, her parents were like, are you guys okay?

Jennifer [00:38:51]:
Comforting.

Ashlee [00:38:52]:
Comforting. What do we do? Get her to the hospital. Right? Like, we have to and there's like, my dad was so just like I think it's fear based. I think it was fear based. Right? We just had this big accident. You know? Like, instead of being like, are you guys okay? His initial reaction was to get angry. Like, why did this happen? Right. Right.

Ashlee [00:39:11]:
Right. Like, we could have avoided this. Why did it happen? Mhmm. Which I always think back on, and I'm like, that is such a first responder response. Like Yeah. That it was, like, comforting. And I had to laugh just now. I don't know if you guys saw me look down because as we're talking, her dad liked my so, like, his name popped up on my phone for the podcast, and I was like, that's so us.

Ashlee [00:39:33]:
Like, her family is my family. Like yeah.

Jennifer [00:39:36]:
It's beautiful that you guys support each other so much like that. That's great.

Ashlee [00:39:39]:
A %. So Brie came to me. Brie listens to us. She's a big fan. Her husband's amazing. I love their fire department. And she said, how do I make a difference? Like, you guys are doing all this work. Like, how do I make a difference? And I was like, you just come on and you tell your story, and you're gonna hit somebody in some way that they need to hear it.

Ashlee [00:39:57]:
And, like, just giving us your time today, Brie, means the world to both of us. And for real, you're gonna help other firefighter wives who just had babies who are maybe feeling like, holy crap. I don't know if I can do this alone.

Jennifer [00:40:09]:
Mhmm. Or

Ashlee [00:40:10]:
I can, like and I hope that you recognize that everything that you do, going to the conference, talking here, doing whatever. Right? Like, being able to be like, I will be that friend, like, is making a huge difference in this world, and so give yourself some grace for real because that's incredible.

Jennifer [00:40:24]:
It really is. It really is. I mean, being the a new mom and just carving out time for this is a huge deal, let alone all the information that you shared today and being so open. I'm so grateful.

Breanna [00:40:35]:
Well, thank you. Thank you guys for having me on. I really appreciate it. And, you guys are doing amazing things. You guys have amazing people on here, and I I really do appreciate it. And we both my husband and I both do. I am definitely if somebody needs a friend or somebody to talk to, I am definitely there because it's hard. And, you know, it's a rough journey, but it's very rewarding, and I would not change it for the world.

Ashlee [00:40:59]:
And what we can do is we can post, like, when this when this airs, like, we'll post on Facebook your little bio and stuff like that, and maybe people reach out that way or whatever you want. We can make that happen because we can just keep growing our community that way too. So

Jennifer [00:41:12]:
Yeah.

Ashlee [00:41:13]:
Absolutely. Well, thank you so much, Bree, and we are just gonna end this the way we always end it. And that is that when the call hits home, Jennifer and I are always here for you guys.