Success Rewired: The Confidence Mindset Shift - Sheila Williams

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Website: https://www.sheilawilliamscoaching.com

https://www.sheilawilliamscoaching.com/aligned-connections

00:01 If you are here, I'm guessing you've checked most boxes off what success should look like, but something still feels off. Hi, I'm Sheila Williams, I am a midlife Mindset coach and I am very honored to be here for this portion of Jumpstart Your Mindset. My presentation today will offer mindset shifts to build confidence and reframe success. I would like to offer you really simple tips on how to let go of pressure, redefine progress and trust yourself more. Now a little bit about me. It took me 52 years to realize that life could feel good. Until that time it was all about working harder, trying to get ahead, measuring what I believe successful was against all kinds of outside circumstances and conditions.  

00:46 What did other people think? How much was I making in relation to others? It was a constant striving and very little measuring up, even though of course I was advancing and learning. I was doing more, making more, and yet it never really felt satisfying and definitely not very much fun. There was always the constant pressure to do more, to try to be perfect, and to figure out what everyone else seemed to know. Except for me. Now, of course, the secret is there isn't something that everyone else knows. It's simply a matter of what are people choosing to look at, to focus, and how to decide what really does matter.  

01:29 What are we here for? Well, this is definitely not about doing more. It's about thinking differently. And today is about relief, not hustle. As you try to check those boxes on your success plan, just know that there might, just possibly be a better way to live your life and to measure success. I promise that you will leave with practical shifts to feel more confident, more capable, and more at ease with your version of success. It is so important to understand that in spite of all of the knowledge, the certifications, the education that you may have, the experience, there is still a common thread where people will continue to doubt themselves.  

02:13 Especially among entrepreneurs where it is so easy to compare yourself to others who do look further ahead, to not celebrate your wins unless they feel really big and if you can share them with the public. And we so often confuse being busy with making progress. It is important to understand that we are creating those ideas of what we need to do and what it needs to look like, which means we can create new ideas just because we think other people are doing something and measuring things in certain ways. I am here to give you full permission to understand that you can do it differently. And just as you can choose to believe one thing, you absolutely can choose to believe another, and the other way can actually feel so much easier, and your success can be measured in even higher amounts.  

03:08 So what if success isn't a destination? So often we think we know what that road map is. We have our milestones and our metrics and we are convinced that we understand how to prove our worth. What the problem is, is if that's what we're doing, we very often will fall into the burnout trap. And you know what that feels like chasing validation over alignment and alignment with your values, with what matters to you and what you think life is meant to have to feel good, not just to be successful.  

03:43 So here are a couple of shifts just to consider. What if you thought about asking some questions such as does this feel good? Does this feel like me? Do I want more of this? This is such an important area to spend a little bit of time and understand that what you end up creating in your life is very often related to where your focus is going. So if you are focused on things feeling hard, they will most likely continue to feel hard.  

04:12 As you choose to understand that it's OK to want things to feel easy, you see how things actually start to fall into place with more ease. Where our focus goes and our energy, that is where we tend to create with our highest power. And very commonly, people choose to think about what isn't working and what they don't want. And then they wonder, why do I keep getting more of this when actually, with some simple mindset habit shifts, we can start focusing on how do I really want to feel after this meeting, before the meeting, during the meeting, whatever it may be, you can consciously turn your attention to where you would like it to be and then let yourself see the evidence of how things can unfold in exactly the way that you want it.  

05:01 When we look at measuring success from only outside perspectives, we understand that that is part of why it feels so empty and as if we're always chasing something that we can't reach. When we start to look more of how it feels for us and our internal measurement of I wanted this to feel easier than ever before. We can measure that and then we can decide did we hit that mark or not understanding more about what you do and how that is impacting you.  

05:32 Because when we look at confidence, it really has so much more to do with who we are becoming as we are reaching for our goals. And it's so important to understand that measuring confidence when you are looking at only the results, again, it's like that success, you're always going to be reaching and chasing something that it feels fleeting, even if you think, yes, I did it. Well, what about the next time and the next time, especially if you're looking at outside validation, What about if we reframe it and we start to ask questions such as who do I want to be while building this experience or working towards this goal? Do I want to be calm or curious or brave? Curiosity is, I think, one of the most wonderful places that we can be because that means that we are open to asking questions and wondering how it can turn out.  

06:28 How could this feel easier how could this be easy? How could I have the results that I want and have everyone else just bring me what I need? Rather than believing that you need to work hard and take care of everything, what if you chose to be curious about? I wonder who could deliver to me the results that I need, maybe even before I ask. Setting the intentions and knowing what you need, but then understanding that you are not the one who has to make it all happen. Well, that is a pretty freeing place and very empowering space to be in. And that is where confidence can grow so much more easily than constantly finding out that we set our sights so high that we can't be successful.  

07:11 What if you chose a daily identity instead of a daily goal? Imagine waking up in the morning and choosing to lean into calmness or curiosity. As you do that, everything that meets you on your path of your day can actually encounter a different version of you. This can result in very different changes from the version of you that is anxious, trying really hard all the time, knowing that everything is hard and that you have to do it yourself because no one else could do it right? Well, that tends to be true because that's where you're putting your focus. That's a great segue into the idea of control. The idea that you are the only one who can make something happen, that you have to be in charge of all of the details and you have to handle every step in order to get it to work.  

08:01 What if I introduced to you the idea that control is an illusion, That there is no real control to be had, especially not for the confidence or the success that you think you want. Rather, if we choose to look at choice as our superpower rather than control, we can understand that we can never control other people's reactions, timelines, results of what's going on. We can, in fact, only control our own ideas and ways that we choose to react and respond.  

08:38 So what builds real true confidence? Choosing how to respond instead of assuming that you can know everything, bringing all of your attention and focus on what does feel better for you right now. How will it feel to move into a different emotion than your initial reaction? And of course, the practical tip is asking the question, what's the next best choice I can make right now? And I'll add to that to feel the way that I want to feel, that's where all of our true power lies. Many people believe that they need to earn their birth. They need to prove that they are worthy. And as we've talked about this, trying to prove is a never ending trying.  

09:23 It's never actually going to reach the point where you finally feel you have the approval because you're looking outward and you're looking to new people each time to affirm your worth. So many entrepreneurs work from that place of needing to prove value, to show that you're worth what you're charging, to show that you are the better choice of who to hire. And it makes sense that this is something that feels as if you constantly need to work harder to prove it can show up as perfectionism. People pleasing and most commonly over giving. Always feeling is if you must do more and be more, offer more in order for people to agree that yes, you are worth what you're asking.  

10:08 Here's the reframe though. Confidence grows when you let yourself receive. So practice for yourself. Receiving help, receiving rest, receiving praise. So many people are resistant to accepting these aspects and yet they are the elements that give us our power. And people have the resistance because they think it's going to make them weak. So in fact, it is the exact opposite. Give yourself the opportunity to ask the question where am I still trying to earn something that I already have? And let yourself practice every day releasing some of that idea that you need to prove and earn and in fact practice receiving.  

10:56 And as you receive, feel how people offering these aspects to you can help you build your confidence because it is based on the idea that you are worthy of having these offered to you. So as you receive, you can see the affirmation for yourself and that validation you are already worthy. Something that people sometimes forget is that you are allowed to redefine the rules. You are living based on rules that other people have imposed on you. But when you give yourself that permission slip to breakthrough those barriers and think outside the box, you might be amazed at what happens.  

11:35 This picture was taken when I was visiting Croatia. I had given up my corporate job and I had decided to spend time six months actually visiting and traveling europe. I had signed up to be a pet sitter. I had never done anything like that before in my life, but that is how I was going to be able to afford to live in multiple countries and to have an affordable way to stay in real homes, cook my own meals, do my laundry, whatever it is that felt better for me. And this was a very big deal for me, who had been following the rules her whole life.  

12:10 And as I mentioned at the beginning, this is part of when I learned you were allowed to feel happy. Life was in fact allowed to feel good, and it doesn't mean that it's always felt easy, but it definitely helped me understand what true confidence means and how to give up a lot of that sense of control that we talked about as I and understood the power that was available for me here. It allowed me to practice redefining what success looks and feels like.  

12:37 It didn't have to mean climbing the corporate ladder. In fact, I could measure success as choosing the freedom to travel, to explore, to have adventures, to find an alternate way that could allow me to live safely and feel good while I was doing it. So give yourself that opportunity to break your own idea of what those rules have to look like. Confidence might be quiet.  

13:00 Keep that in mind. It's not always someone shouting from the rooftops about how much they've done and how much they've earned. Confidence can show up simply as being messy, as someone asking for help, of pausing instead of pushing. Confidence is your permission to be human. Now try this daily mindset reset. In the morning, give yourself this three question check in. How do I want to feel today? What's one thing that I can do or let go of to feel that? What does success look like just for today? And isn't it wonderful to know that we don't have to have a hard and fast measurement? Success might mean I'm going to stay in my pajamas all day and read a book.  

13:47 Or maybe success is going to be, I'm going to put together an entire email funnel for my business. I'm going to put in all of the automations and get everything written. It's so beautiful to give yourself the idea of just for today, what does it look like? How do I want to feel while I'm doing it? Feel how this can have more flexibility and more ease. And most importantly, you are looking inside of yourself of what does this mean for you.  

14:17 And it's just for today. Tomorrow you can measure in a completely different way, understanding that confidence isn't earned. In fact, it's you reclaiming it. That version of you that you're waiting to become. Yeah, they're already here. You don't have to catch up you're not behind, and you definitely are not taking too long. You are here. Listen more to yourself, to your dreams, to your goals, to understand how you want to feel.  

14:45 And then allow yourself to pay attention to how that can come about. Because you don't even have to do all of that for yourself. You have many helpers who are more than willing to offer. It's just for you to listen and remember to accept that help. If you want something simple to help you build your daily mindset, grab my free Overcome Overwhelm Guide. This has five simple tips that as you allow yourself to tune in more regularly with letting go of some of the control, letting go of some of your To Do List, choosing to focus on how you feel and understanding what confidence can mean for you. It definitely will shift how you're feeling and measuring your success.  

15:27 Thank you so much for your time. If you would like to reach out with any questions at all, you can reach me at sheila@sheilawilliamscoaching.com i offer membership as well as private coaching sessions and in fact I have monthly workshops, so if any of what I said today resonated, feel free to reach out and get more information.