Episode 17: Gratitude

A thoughtful conversation about gratitude as a daily practice, even when life is hard. Greg, Rich, Jay, and Derek share research, lived experience, and simple ways gratitude can support mental health, strengthen relationships, and help us notice what is still good in the middle of real life.

[00:00:00] Greg: Welcome back to the Support and Kindness podcast, let me ask you a question. Have you ever thought about how powerful a simple thank you can be? Here's something that surprised me. In a study at a call center, workers were thanked for their effort. That was it. Just some appreciation. But in the next round of calls, their effort went up by 50%.

[00:00:18] Greg: 50%, just because someone took a moment to say thank you. So imagine what could happen if we practice gratitude on purpose, not only when things are easy, but when life is messy, when life is hard, when life is real.

[00:00:32] Greg: Welcome to the Support and Kindness podcast. I'm your host, Greg Shaw. Today's episode 17, and we're talking about gratitude.

[00:00:39] Greg: Before we begin, a quick note. This podcast is for encouragement and peer support. It's not medical advice, and we're not diagnosing anything here. If you're in immediate danger. Please call 9 1 1. If you're in the US I'll go be in the arrest emergency room right now. If you need emotional support, you can also call or text nine eight eight, and as always, you'll find helpful [00:01:00] links in the show notes.

[00:01:01] Greg: So in our fast paced world, it's easy to focus on what's missing, on what's next or what isn't working today. I wanna slow things down a little bit and look at something different. Let's talk about real gratitude and how it can change how we feel. Gratitude is more than saying thanks. It's a way of looking at life, a way of standing in it.

[00:01:21] Greg: The team at Grateful.org puts it like this. Gratitude isn't just a feeling, it's a choice. One that goes against the idea that we need more or better things to be okay. Gratitude pushes back on that constant sense of not enough, brother David Steindl‑ Rast. Said it simply. It's not happiness that makes us grateful.

[00:01:44] Greg: It's gratefulness that makes us happy. Let that sit for a moment.

[00:01:48] Greg: We often think gratitude comes after things work out, after we land the job or the relationship heals, or the stress lifts, but this idea turns that idea upside down. Gratitude isn't the [00:02:00] finish line. It can be part of the path.

[00:02:02] Greg: When we practice it, not perfectly, not every moment, just honestly, it softens life, not by changing everything around us, but by changing how we meet what's already here, and that's what we're exploring today.

[00:02:16] Greg: The science explains why this really matters. Researchers Robert Evans and Michael McCullough studied What happens when people regularly write down things that they're thankful for. Compared to people who focused on daily annoyances or neutral events, the gratitude group saw clear benefits. They felt better about their lives over time, and there were even differences connected to their health.

[00:02:40] Greg: And there is another strong practice backed by positive psychology, writing a gratitude letter, and if possible, giving it to the person. It can significantly boost wellbeing, and that lift doesn't just fade away. It can last well beyond the moment. Gratitude isn't just nice, it's practical, it's a tool.

[00:02:59] Greg: It's a tool for [00:03:00] mental wellbeing and it works in a very plain and human way. When we focus on what we appreciate, there's less space for the endless loop of rumination, the replaying of worries, regrets and what ifs. Research summarized by Harvard Health links gratitude to greater happiness and overall wellbeing, and it matters in relationships too.

[00:03:20] Greg: Gratitude acts like a glue. It helps people feel are valued, seen, and safe enough to be honest, and that's why it matters. Gratitude can be hard, especially during seasons of stress, grief, pain or uncertainty. One reason it feels hard is the way that our minds are wired. grateful.org called these gratitude inhibitors.

[00:03:39] Greg: Things like fear, scarcity, comparison, entitlement, that quiet story that says More is always better or what we have isn't enough. So if gratitude feels far away right now, you are not doing anything wrong. You're human. Your brain is doing what it is built to do.

[00:03:58] Greg: Scanning for problems, [00:04:00] looking for what might hurt, trying to keep you safe. What we're practicing instead is something softer,

[00:04:07] Greg: a different question. Is there anything I can appreciate right now? Even if it's small, sometimes it's very small. I woke up today, I made it through the last hour.

[00:04:16] Greg: Someone texted me back. If you want a simple place to start, here's a practice that's backed by research and it's easy to try. It's called free Good things. For at least

[00:04:27] Greg: one week, write down three things that went well today and why they went well. No forcing positivity, no pretending everything's fine.

[00:04:36] Greg: You're just trying to train your attention to notice what's also true. that even alongside the hard, some good still exists.

[00:04:44] Greg: Alright, let's open it up. I'm joined by our co-hosts, Rich Jay and Derek, and here's how this will work.

[00:04:52] Greg: I'll ask each of you one simple question to. It'll be about gratitude, and you'll share for a couple of minutes, and then we'll do a [00:05:00] second round call. What's on your heart this week?

[00:05:02] Greg: So let's start round one and, answer the question and then give your thoughts on , the topic. Just share from your heart what's going on.

[00:05:10] Greg: No giving advice. Just lived experience.

[00:05:13] Greg: So Rich, what's one small, ordinary thing that you've learned to appreciate more than you're used to?

[00:05:19] Rich: I've come to appreciate ripples of positivity. Like when you we've talked about it before in this podcast, but where you say something nice to maybe a person who's helping you? A caller a telephone support and you ask to speak to their supervisor or something. I enjoy showing gratitude to people that never expect it because of the way the ripples that it creates in my life, in their life, in everybody that's a part of that expression of gratitude.

[00:05:50] Rich: Feels a boost that day or that moment. The giver, the recipient, anybody that was, shell connected to it. It's really one of my favorite [00:06:00] things about expressing gratitude.

[00:06:02]

[00:06:02] Greg: What does gratitude mean when that topic comes up, I just said, what's gratitude? Or if just say, if you were explaining it to one of your children and dad, what's gratitude mean?

[00:06:13] Greg: How would you explain that?

[00:06:14] Rich: Without getting into faith I think that a lot of what we have

[00:06:21] Rich: each of my children has been taught different. Different things about gratitude because of the different stages in my own journey that I was on as my kids grew up.

[00:06:32] Rich: It's given me an opportunity to reflect on how I taught gratitude to each child, whether it was, my firstborn. Teaching them, to say thank you as or express gratitude as a learned response, with sign language from when they were an infant taught them how to ask for things and then how to say thank you was taught with all of my children from [00:07:00] before they could even speak.

[00:07:01] Rich: Up to teaching a 14-year-old or a 20-year-old today, how gratitude towards their employer or their professor could make a great difference in an email after getting something explained to them.

[00:07:17] Rich: How a simple expression of gratitude back for the professor taking the time to explain something to 'em.

[00:07:24] Rich: Can make a big difference in that person's willingness to work with them in the future going forward. So I've taught it, when I was teaching 'em the hand signs, the hand gestures for putting applesauce in their mouth when they were three months old. And I've taught 'em we've talked about it all the way up to.

[00:07:41] Rich: How to handle a job interview.

[00:07:43]

[00:07:43] Greg: Thanks, Rich. I read somewhere that some of the top recruiters have said that if they don't get a thank you from the interviewee, then that resume, regardless of how good it was, goes into the trash and never gets a second look. So I thought that was [00:08:00] rather interesting.

[00:08:01] Greg: Yeah.

[00:08:01] Greg: Jay, Question for you. When gratitude feels hard, what helps you find even one thing that you can name as being good?

[00:08:09] Jay: I'd have to say that

[00:08:11] Jay: when. It's hard to come up with gratitude, I think of things that you can be grateful for that are on a base level. For instance, being born in a country that is not war torn, having both a mother and father being raised right having good manners and people that you love.

[00:08:31] Jay: Because we all have something to be thankful for, even if it's at a root level now you might, be experiencing a hard day where it's hard to remember things that are grateful, but we all have something to be grateful for. So in a way I think it should never be hard to express gratitude because we all have something to be grateful for.

[00:08:54] Greg: How about, living life on life terms. If, let's say, I was at an [00:09:00] Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and someone said, life's pretty crap. I got nothing to be grateful for. What would you say to that person in that circumstance about gratitude?

[00:09:09] Jay: I would have a lot to say.

[00:09:11] Jay: I would have to say that they have right there within that room, people that love and care about 'em. Even if it seems like it's only for the hour, it's not. You always have that group is always gonna care about you and always wants you to come back. And one of the main things that we say in AA is to always come back.

[00:09:29] Jay: This room's always gonna be here for you, not to mention this room, but. Hundreds of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings everywhere you go in, I think over 50 countries in the world, maybe over a hundred, some countries in the world, they've adapted the 12 step models, that's because they work. And at the end, the 12th step is all about giving back.

[00:09:51] Jay: And that would count as giving back for sure, is making sure that someone feels accepted and knows that they have people that care about 'em.

[00:09:59] Greg: Thanks Jay. [00:10:00] Appreciate that. You're absolutely right. Yeah, those rooms are great places to be. That's sure. If you're struggling with alcohol, with addiction, with drugs, the 12 step program can really help.

[00:10:12] Greg: Derek, what's a gratitude practice that you've tried or maybe one that you want to try that actually feels realistic to practice in daily life?

[00:10:20] Derek: Thank you, Greg. I just, whenever I'm in a tizzy or I've overcomplicated something that doesn't have to be as hard as I make it out to be or I just, I try to take a step back.

[00:10:34] Derek: I try to just take a few breaths and relax and I just, I remind myself of the simple things in life that I have a lot of gratitude over, and. Many times it's overlooked in daily life, and I wasn't really making it a point to find it recognizable until maybe a year or two ago, but it's just, I'm grateful for the simple things in life, such as it [00:11:00] is an honor and a privilege to have a warm shower.

[00:11:03] Derek: It really is. It's just. We take it for granted every day, and that's no one's fault, but we just do. We're accustomed to that. But then if you just think about all the mechanics and the physics and then you compare and contrast to what's available to everyone else regardless of the circumstances. Wow, I'm, that takes and I'm, that takes me back and I'm grateful for that.

[00:11:26] Derek: I also I'm grateful to see

[00:11:29] Derek: PDA. Rated G, that's fine. Yeah. But just whenever I'm driving and I see couples or any couple or any family members or anyone trying to have an intimate connection, such as just walking down a sidewalk, holding hands, people just looking lovingly into each other's eyes. I'm grateful that exists, and I'm grateful that I got to witness that.

[00:11:53] Derek: Other things that may or may not be taken for granted, but just I'm grateful to be [00:12:00] reminded. Just the beauty of this world, this universe where we can see massless energy such as light. There are photons, but they're massless, but they can sprinkle sparkle through the clouds on a cloudy, sunny day like it is every day outside of Cleveland.

[00:12:18] Derek: Pretty much all of Ohio and I just, I love seeing that you could see energy in particle form going through clouds, which are a form of water on this rarity that is earth. That is astonishing and I have gratitude for being able to bear witness to that. Something that a lot of us, myself, for the past four decades have overlooked and I'm just, I'm grateful.

[00:12:43] Derek: It's simple pleasures in life such as those.

[00:12:45] Greg: I'm just in awe man very eloquently put Derek,

[00:12:48] Greg: thank you very much.

[00:12:49] Greg: What would you say to someone who is struggling with maybe with who they were maybe being understood? No one gets me. I don't fit in. No one knows what I'm going through.

[00:12:58] Greg: Why should I be [00:13:00] grateful?

[00:13:00] Derek: It is honestly a case by case basis and to become a little bit of an anthropological nerd. It's usual for any human to think of the negative first for immediate survival. First. Whatever is gloom and doom first. And that's fine. Feel it. Get outta your system. That was your natural instinct.

[00:13:20] Derek: Great. But. Then try to remind yourself after the fact Hey, okay, I stubbed my toe, or someone dumped me, or someone turned down an offer for a date or some adult of a few choice words cut me off. You were driving, you didn't die. Nothing happened. Vent that nervous, negative energy out.

[00:13:41] Derek: But then remind yourself, bring the warmth in. Hey, okay, that was annoying, but. In the grand scheme of things, end all, be all. Nothing terrible really happened. You just stubbed your toe, someone cut you off, no one's dead. You're fine. And but in a joking, loving manner like I normally do with everything in life.

[00:13:59] Derek: Yeah.

[00:13:59]

[00:13:59] Greg: [00:14:00] Thanks Derek. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Don't sweat the small stuff, fight your battles and all that as they do say.

[00:14:05] Greg: Alright, I guess I should say what I'm grateful for in the interest of disclosure, right? I'm grateful for each and everyone of you guys here today.

[00:14:15] Greg: Grateful for everyone that's listening. I'm truly grateful that I have an apartment. I'm truly grateful that I have means to get medication and healthcare. I'm grateful for family even though we are far away and not always close. I am grateful that I'm on this side of the ground today. Although sometimes I think differently than that at the moment.

[00:14:38] Greg: I'm grateful for that and. I think that we can find gratitude in everything. If we look hard enough, you know the old adage, there's always a silver lining. It really does ring true. It's just sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees, but if we look hard enough, we can probably find it right, but we will find it.

[00:14:56] Greg: We find what we look for. If we look for the bad things, we'll find them every single [00:15:00] time. We do find what we look for. There's truth in that. Alright thanks for all those answers very heartfelt. Let's switch gears and go to something that we call What's on your Heart this week.

[00:15:11] Greg: Just a minute, sharing freely what's on your heart. It can be anything that you want. How are you feeling? Message for listeners, whatever you like, Rich, what's on your heart this week?

[00:15:21] Rich: Being a major holiday week in America I just have been grateful for time connecting with others with any loved one, whether it's a loved one that is new to this world. And it's the first Christmas I got to spend meeting a new nephew. Whether it's. An older family member and you don't know how many more holidays you're gonna get with them.

[00:15:47] Rich: Whether it's a friend and the opportunity to connect with friends on the holidays, or a meaningful text, each one of those things. I'm just, I'm so appreciative and [00:16:00] grateful to have them in my life and just, really aware of. I just I'm really aware of the gifts that I have and how grateful I need to be and am in my day-to-day life.

[00:16:13] Greg: Thank you, Rich. Appreciate that. Jay, what's on your app this week?

[00:16:16] Jay: Let me start off by saying the thing I'm most grateful for I have a grandma on kind of her last leg. She's decreasing in health, and I'm glad I got to spend at least one more Christmas with her and. I don't have a lot of family. The main people I spend holidays with is my mother and my grandmother, and I'm glad I got to spend at least one more Christmas with her.

[00:16:39] Jay: And then I want to bring up a tradition that I'm sure lots of other people have too, but in our family on Thanksgiving, we always used to go around and say what we're most thankful for that year, I guess would be how we did it. . Some people would take the easy way out. It always drove me nuts when my aunt and uncle would say, I'm just thankful I didn't have to cook.

[00:16:59] Jay: And thinking they [00:17:00] were being funny. But it was definitely a cop out by them. But I always really looked forward to that tradition, probably more than the food because I enjoyed hearing the lives of fellow family members and what they were grateful for. And I could go on and on for what I'm grateful for.

[00:17:18] Jay: I am a glass half full type person when it comes to life, and I have so much to be thankful for. I too am thankful for all the people that make it to our podcast, that listen to our podcast. I'm thankful that we continue to plug away at the podcast. And I hope it makes it to more ears. And yeah, again, I could go on and on, but I will save everyone the trouble of that.

[00:17:42] Jay: Hope everyone had a good holiday and continues to have good holidays.

[00:17:46] Greg: Thank you, Jay.

[00:17:47] Greg: Derek, what's on your heart this week?

[00:17:48] Derek: Coincidentally, I'm just, I've also been trying to remind myself of what. I need to be grateful. Not I need to be, but what I should be grateful for and trying to [00:18:00] remind myself what I need to do to further that abundance of what I'm already grateful for. Just the inertia, the fervor, the zest, the zeal to get it going.

[00:18:10] Derek: And yeah, granted it's common for around this time of year, the mixed emotions. But yeah, and it's also winter, but every day is gonna get a little bit brighter. So that's the flow I'm trying to nudge my way toward. Just trying to make it simple. Remind myself of everything that I'm very fortunate to have near and dear and just snap out of it.

[00:18:32] Derek: Wake up and try to stop making things harder and more complicated than they have to be. 'cause they really don't. Yeah, that's the gist of it.

[00:18:42] Greg: Thank you, Derek.

[00:18:43] Greg: What's on my heart this week? Honestly, my heart's been heavy this week. The holidays are not easy for me. Being far away from family and some estrangement, it makes it very difficult, but it reminds me to be grateful for what I do.

[00:18:55] Greg: Have reminds me to be grateful for my my fellows here on the [00:19:00] podcast. On our support groups, and I'm very grateful for the support groups.

[00:19:03] Greg: And if you didn't know the support and kindness podcast, we are part of Kindness rx, which is our website, kindness rx.org, and we do some support groups. We do a brain injury support group on a Monday.

[00:19:16] Greg: We meet Mondays at one o'clock, and it's for brain injury. If you have a brain injury or you just wanna know about brain injury or how to relate to someone with a brain injury, check us out. You can find the links on the website and in the show notes.

[00:19:28] Greg: We also do a chronic pain support group on Tuesdays at 12 noon where we discuss chronic pain and everything that goes along with that.

[00:19:35] Greg: You are welcome to come and join us there, and then we have a support group on. Wednesdays at 7:30 PM for mental health. So check us out. That'll all be in the show notes.

[00:19:45] Greg: Thank you for being here with us on episode 17, gratitude.

[00:19:49] Greg: A couple of takeaways. First, gratitude isn't denial. It's not pretending that everything's fine. It's learning to notice what's also true even when life is hard.

[00:19:59] Greg: Second, [00:20:00] gratitude is bigger than manners. It's a way of seeing, and over time, it can change the emotional climate inside of you.

[00:20:07] Greg: Third, small practices matter. If you want something. Simple to try. Try three good things, three little things that you're grateful for this week. What went well today and why.

[00:20:17] Greg: And fourth, fifth, gratitude feels blocked. It may not be because you are ungrateful. It might be because you're dealing with fear, scarcity, comparison, or not enough thinking, and that's human

[00:20:29] Greg: Finally, you don't have to do this alone. If you need support, there are links in the show notes. If you're in immediate danger, call 9 1 1.

[00:20:36] Greg: Go to the nearest emergency room, call or text nine eight eight for emotional support. If this episode helps you share it with someone who could use comfort and a little hope right now, and if you're able leave a review, it helps people find the show. I'm Greg Shaw and

[00:20:52] Greg: this is the support and kindness podcast. Until next time, take care of yourself. And if all you can do today is notice [00:21:00] one small good thing that counts. Thank you.