Chapter 5 - Mental Health

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This chapter is brought to you by Trax Magazine, the Surfer's Bible.

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And now, a word from our sponsors.

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Shout out to our sponsor,

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Sunnyside,

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the marketing agency for action sports and lifestyle brands based out of California.

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They are surfers and ex-industry insiders who've been in the trenches at places

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like Volcom and Quicksilver.

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So if you're a friend of the show who runs a brand that needs someone who speaks

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your language and understands the culture we live and breathe,

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As I stepped off the plane,

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returning from the legendary right-hand points Morocco so graciously puts on display,

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the familiar scent of home hits me.

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But the dust barely settled on my board bags before I was prepping for the next trip.

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This time, we didn't have to travel far.

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Not physically, at least.

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It's a place most of us have visited in one way or another.

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A destination that doesn't always come easy.

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Some stay for a bit, others never leave.

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But most of us return time and time again.

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It's a trip to a place closer than any passport stamp could ever mark.

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It's a space between our ears, the maze of our minds.

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You'd think,

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after chasing people,

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waves,

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time and stories across Morocco,

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Mozambique and Bali,

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nothing could ever faze me.

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But this, this is different.

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This is about plunging into waves we can't see, currents we can't feel, but they are there.

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Mental Health Two words that carry the weight of the ocean.

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In our world of adventure and living at the fringes of our society,

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we often forget the most challenging battles happen inside our heads.

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The stats are a gut punch.

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One in five adults battle mental illness every year.

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But numbers don't tell the whole story, do they?

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Not when it's names and faces we know.

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This makes me reminisce about Andy Irons,

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the people's champ,

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who struggled with mental health and addiction and tragically.

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It makes me think of Sonny Garcia, who fought a war within himself that nearly cost him everything.

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But these aren't just cautionary tales.

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No.

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They're reminders that beneath the superhuman feats, the perfect tens in the magazine covers.

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We're all human, fragile, breakable.

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It's easy to forget when you're watching someone drop into a monster at Nazare,

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or pull into a freight train-like barrel somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

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We see the glory,

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the triumph,

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but what about the quiet moments,

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the sleepless nights that battles fought in silence?

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There's this unspoken thing in our culture, isn't there?

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The idea that if you can face physical danger, you should be able to conquer anything.

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But the mind, the mind is its own beast.

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It doesn't care how many titles you've won or how many countries you've visited.

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It often is the toughest opponent of all, threatening to pull you under when you least expect it.

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But here's the thing, we're starting to talk about it.

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We step into those uncomfortable conversations and we realize that admitting you're

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struggling isn't weakness.

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It's the first step towards strength.

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And someone who has had countless uncomfortable and heartbreaking conversations

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throughout his life is Mark Hanley,

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the founder of the Fallen Waterman Foundation.

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Mark is cut from a different cloth.

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He's someone driven by a deep understanding of loss and the unique challenges faced

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by those who make the ocean their life.

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Mark's seen the sea in all its glory,

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the freedom,

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the thrill,

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the raw beauty,

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but he's also witnessed it as a backdrop for profound tragedy.

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It's this duality that fuels his mission,

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the mission to support the families of fallen watermen and women throughout their

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journey of grief and beyond.

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The Fallen Watermen Foundation isn't just another non-profit with a fancy mission statement.

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They're in the trenches,

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offering therapies,

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scholarships,

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and a path forward when it feels like the world's caved in.

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And they're not stopping there.

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Mark is pushing for something bigger.

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He wants to catch people before they hit rock bottom.

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Free support for watermen and women still standing.

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but maybe just barely, shattering the walls of stigma that keeps too many of us suffering in silence.

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Mark and the rest of the Fallen Watermen Foundation aren't doing it out of self-interest either.

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They're doing it because they've been there,

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they've seen the darkness,

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and they know that sometimes all it takes is one hand reaching out to help us keep

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afloat when life tries to pull us under.

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In a nutshell, we support the families of fallen watermen and women with counseling and scholarships.

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That's like that's that's the mission or the purpose right there.

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And it's been interesting to see how it's evolved.

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It started in 2010 and it's kind of evolved from just giving out scholarships to

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the children of fallen watermen and women.

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Two, just kind of realizing how important the counseling side of it is.

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And just like one quick story just about how that piece has kind of evolved.

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I was introduced to a young girl at Fort Cronkite,

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which is a surf spot right across from the Golden Gate Bridge.

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Super vivacious, just super confident.

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And when somebody told me that her father had died like three years earlier and

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then he was a surfer at Fort Cronkite,

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I said to her,

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you know what?

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You'd be a perfect candidate for a scholarship from Fall Waterman's Foundation for,

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you know,

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so you can go on to college.

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And as soon as I said it, her entire demeanor changed and her head kind of went down.

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Her voice changed and she was just like, well, I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

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And it made me realize just how much grief not only the kids,

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but the parents have as well,

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the surviving parent has.

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And, um, that's when I started kind of delving into this counseling side of it.

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And I have friends that are certified therapists,

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clinical psychologists,

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and they've all said that they would help me out,

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you know,

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pro bono to help with some of these kids and wives,

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quite frankly.

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I mean,

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I kind of generalized to say wives because up to this point,

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it's always been men that have died one way or another.

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And, uh,

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To that point, the Fall Waterman's Foundation isn't just for people that have died in the water.

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A good example is a guy I worked with at Vans.

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I ended up getting brain cancer.

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He'd been the Channel Islands rep and XL rep for Northern California for 15 years before he came to Vans.

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And he ended up being diagnosed with brain cancer.

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He fought it for five years and eventually died.

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And we've been giving his girls scholarships for literally 10 years now.

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It's been a long time.

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But I was at Vans at the time when I started it.

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And there was an incident where one of the legends from Ocean Beach died in the water.

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Just kind of an accidental drowning situation.

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And when that happened, I went to...

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a guy that was the vice president of marketing at Vans when I was there.

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He was the president of SEMA at the same time.

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And I asked him if SEMA had any kind of foundations that they supported that

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supported the children of fallen watermen and women.

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And he said, no, there's nothing like that.

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So at that point,

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I started looking into what it would take to start a 501c3 and had no idea how

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difficult it actually was.

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Yeah.

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And I went to my buddy who was an attorney at O'Melveny & Myers in LA,

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and they ended up giving it to their community services group.

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They did the application,

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they paid for the fee,

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the whole deal to get me that 501c3 status,

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which was huge.

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And then from there, just really started reaching out to different people that I knew in the industry.

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And just trying to put it together with the website and all that type of thing.

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Bottom line, I had no idea what I was getting into.

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It ended up being a lot more work than I thought it was going to be.

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But the rewards have been worth it.

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The other thing that's kind of evolved on the mental health side of it,

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though,

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happened during the pandemic where we had two guys take their own lives.

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at our local spot here in San Francisco.

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And I think the piece with that,

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that any man,

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we'll talk about our bad shoulders,

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our bad back or whatever,

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but we never talk about what's going on above our shoulders.

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And that's why I really felt like I wanted to try to start letting guys know about

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the fact we have counseling in advance of issues that might happen down the road.

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And

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All I can do is offer the services to them and then they have to take it up on their own time.

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And that's kind of the way it works.

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In most cases, I'll let people know about the mental health, the counseling side of it.

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And a lot of times it might be a year or two before they'll actually take me up on it.

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But the other thing with the Fall Waterman's Foundation that we set up was you're

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familiar with Surf Rider,

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how they have chapters in their different regions.

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What I did instead was I developed an ambassadorship kind of thing where,

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you know,

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using,

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let's say,

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Huntington Beach Pier.

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There's a completely different group of guys on the north side of the pier than

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there is at 56th Street in Newport Beach.

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So for me to come in, I don't know anybody at that particular break.

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It's hard for me to, you know, it's hard to, it's hard to kind of get the message out there, right?

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So what I've done is I'll find an ambassador at those different peaks that are part

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of their group,

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part of the local group.

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and then have him introduce me to the different people that might be able to help.

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And then I'll end up kind of telling them about the whole thing.

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It's amazing just to see how it dominoes like that.

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So with that, though, then I'm able to link up with different guys that might have a family foundation.

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And you might know as family foundations,

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they have to give away a certain amount of their money in order to keep that status.

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And that's what's happened.

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So the ambassadorships,

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but have worked out pretty well.

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Usually, every great idea starts with a single event, a catalyst that propels the story forward.

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For Mark, it was a seemingly ordinary day in the ocean.

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There was a local legend surfing at a place north of the bay, up in Drake's Bay.

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And he was out with his wife, or his wife was on the beach.

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His two daughters were also surfing.

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And I was told the story by a good friend of mine that's a retired fireman.

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And he was in the water that day.

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I wasn't there.

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So I just heard all this through my buddy who's a retired fireman.

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And they were having a great session.

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It wasn't big.

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It was relatively small.

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But he was catching one last wave, and there was a kid on the inside, and he was yelling.

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He was like yelling for help.

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So my buddy kicked out and realized the guy was struggling with the board,

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but our friend was attached to the end of the board.

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He was unconscious.

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They get him to the beach, and my fireman buddy starts doing CPR on him.

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Another friend of his was a trained medic.

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He starts working on them as well.

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At this point, the wife had come down, the daughters are there, and a ranger comes down.

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They end up putting the paddles on him.

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Still didn't work.

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They hella vac him to Petaluma.

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And my buddy,

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the fireman,

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ends up driving the wife and the two daughters to Auer to Petaluma to find out

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their dad didn't make it.

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And when I heard the story, I had a couple of young kids at the time.

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All I could think of was how those two girls' lives were affected in an instant.

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And that's when I ended up going to my VP of marketing at Vans and asking them if

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there was anything that was out there like the Fall Water Foundation.

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And that family is one of the first families we ended up helping.

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But all I could think about was his two daughters and just how their lives are

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going to be changed in an instant.

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And it's amazing to see what those two daughters have done since then.

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One of them became the first girl lifeguard at Ocean Beach in San Francisco.

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She's gone on.

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She's living in Australia now,

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getting her PhD,

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and she's been working with the Australian women's surf team on kinesiology,

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just movement kind of things.

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It's amazing just to see the way things have transpired.

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Yeah.

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That's definitely the story that got me going on it.

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And what you find is everybody always steps up.

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You know,

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it's interesting with surfing how you have that culture of you don't necessarily

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talk to guys in the water.

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Sometimes you hit the stink eye or whatever.

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But if somebody gets hurt, everybody's there to help them.

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That's really where it's evolved.

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And mentioning these guys that took their own lives, clearly one of them used his surfboard leash.

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At the celebration of life, his son's probably 25 years old.

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He had no idea his dad was having issues at all.

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And I think if anything,

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that's where it just goes back to once again,

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you say how often people don't ask for it until it's too late.

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I think the more aware we are of, especially as men,

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Just kind of watching what our friends are doing around us, just seeing how their demeanor changes.

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And I'm not a therapist,

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so there are obviously so many telltale signs that a therapist could bring up right

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now to be able to describe some of the things you should look for.

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Because as I said earlier, we'll talk about our bad knee, we'll talk about our bad shoulder.

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but we never will end up talking with our buddies about, man, I'm really struggling.

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I'm really struggling mentally.

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I'm really depressed or whatever the symptom might be.

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We never talk about that stuff.

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We just go out and have 12 beers instead,

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you know,

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to try to just,

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well,

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the pain or whatever it might be.

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And a lot of times the person that's not

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sitting in the parking lot is the one that's having the issue.

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And guys will be talking about the fact that, yeah, God, we haven't seen so-and-so in so long.

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How's he doing?

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Oh, yeah, no, I hear he's kind of struggling.

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That's why he's not showing up to any of these things kind of thing.

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And then one of us will actually reach out to that guy in particular just to see how he's doing.

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And I think a lot of it is communication on a regular basis, but also just awareness.

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You know, who isn't showing up?

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Who haven't you seen for a long time?

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And I think when I think about these guys that took their own lives,

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some of them would show up,

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some of them wouldn't.

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It's almost like consistency.

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And when you see that somebody's been super consistent and then all of a sudden you

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don't see them anymore.

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there's a pretty good bet something's going on,

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you know,

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and whether it's a physical ailment or mental ailment,

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I think just having that awareness to reach out,

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I think is super important.

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From the depth of tragedy and loss,

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we surface to find ourselves in the company of iconic longboarder,

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Cassia Mehta.

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Her story goes beyond contest wins and cover shots.

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It's about the struggles that happen when the cameras aren't rolling.

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Cassia faced an identity crisis that hit her at the peak of her career.

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On the surface, she had it all.

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Sponsors, fame, and glory.

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But inside, she was torn between the Cassia brands wanted to sell and the Cassia she wanted to be.

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She learned that mental health issues don't care about your surroundings.

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They'll find you, even in paradise.

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And those sponsors you think have your back?

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They're not your family.

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They're not your therapist.

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And they sure as hell aren't going to prioritize your mental health over their bottom line.

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But here's where Cassia's story takes a turn.

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Instead of letting these realizations crush her,

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she used them to redefine herself,

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her surfing,

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and her place in the world.

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She's living proof that

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our darkest moments can often spark our most significant transformations.

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As we shift from Mark's mission to Cassia's journey,

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we're reminded that mental health isn't a finish line.

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It's a constant evolution.

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It's about finding that balance between who we are,

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who we want to be,

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and who the world thinks we should be.

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And sometimes,

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it's about having the guts to go against the grain and burn the whole damn playbook,

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walking away from everything you thought you wanted.

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For me,

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like really feeling into mental health as a place,

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the first thing that comes to my mind is like a jungle environment.

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It takes a lot of conscious attention to navigate such a dynamic landscape.

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And through that, it's also like super beautiful.

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Right.

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Like there's something so beautiful about like a really dynamic tropical island.

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It can be really serene and it also can be very challenging depending on kind of where you are.

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But it's kind of like a constant space of bringing awareness and attention to each

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step you take through this landscape and being aware of how you move.

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And in that you can also,

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I mean,

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people travel to tropical destinations all the time to go get some peace of mind.

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So it's also that.

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And if you have true peace and you're liberated,

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you know,

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from that space of suffering truly within,

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then you are your own universe.

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You know, your mental health is within you and whatever comes at you, you're not pulled each or any way.

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And I think that's really balanced.

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I think that's what, you know, I'm looking for.

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Definitely.

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At the end of the day, professional surfing and the surf industry is a business.

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And at the end of the day,

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businesses,

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as much as we feel like they have our best interests at heart,

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they don't.

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We're all as athletes expendable.

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We're just like numbers on a paper at the end of the day or a spreadsheet.

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And I think that that is the hard thing for kids to navigate.

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Like I started surfing professionally when I was 17 years old.

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Like I thought the companies that I worked with were my family and they weren't just that hard.

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That's literally what they tell you.

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We're a family.

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OK, cool.

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And then when you witness they are like not treating you like a family member,

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when you witness that you're just like one part of like,

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you know,

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again,

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like a business,

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like for their benefit.

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That's like really hard to stomach.

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And then you don't really have a lot of tools and or support systems that help you

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navigate it in a nice way or in like a balanced way.

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And that can be and then, you know, you choose to leave.

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Like I chose to leave professional surfing because I felt like.

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I really saw this machine.

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I was in my early 30s when I chose to leave.

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I was in my peak, yeah.

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Like I had a really, you know, big contract.

(00:19:53):
I was probably making the most money out of any female longboarder, 100%.

(00:19:56):
And I chose to leave because I saw them doing shady stuff that didn't really feel very familial.

(00:20:06):
And I'm like, wait a minute, they were getting this new CEO who I didn't know.

(00:20:10):
And I just felt like this doesn't feel like a family, like this doesn't feel supportive.

(00:20:16):
And like as much as they were offering me money, it's like, well, what is money?

(00:20:22):
Really?

(00:20:22):
Like,

(00:20:23):
obviously,

(00:20:23):
money is helpful to navigate life,

(00:20:25):
you know,

(00:20:26):
but I felt like they just lied to me and did a bunch of shady stuff.

(00:20:30):
And they didn't have my best interest at heart.

(00:20:33):
And as much as I could have probably navigated it better had I had...

(00:20:37):
you know, people that communicated things to me in ways that would help me to understand.

(00:20:43):
I was like, this doesn't feel good.

(00:20:46):
I don't feel cared for.

(00:20:47):
I don't feel, you know, supported.

(00:20:49):
I'm out of here.

(00:20:51):
And that was a choice.

(00:20:52):
And yeah, it was a choice that was a hard one.

(00:20:54):
And it,

(00:20:55):
you know,

(00:20:55):
it was a choice that got me to leave to start my own thing because I didn't want

(00:20:59):
other people to feel that way.

(00:21:01):
Like I wanted to create something like that was actually like authentic and

(00:21:06):
in the way that like, hey, if I say this is going to be it, this is going to be it.

(00:21:09):
And I mean it,

(00:21:10):
not just like,

(00:21:10):
I'm going to say this because like,

(00:21:12):
this is what everybody says,

(00:21:13):
you know,

(00:21:14):
I wanted to like support the next generation.

(00:21:16):
And it was super challenging not having any support, like funding wise, or I never ran a business.

(00:21:22):
I was a pro surfer my whole life.

(00:21:23):
I didn't go to college, you know, like,

(00:21:25):
whatever but in that it was like an opportunity for me to see and grow and evolve

(00:21:32):
in a different way and I also don't at the time I really did take it personally

(00:21:39):
like I can't believe they're doing this to me I can't believe like I gave them my

(00:21:43):
whole life like I've grown up with these people what and and actually it was my dad

(00:21:47):
who was like dude Cassie like it's a business

(00:21:52):
you're in like a, you're a part of a $4 billion company.

(00:21:55):
Do you really think they care about you in the way that you care or thought they did?

(00:22:01):
You know,

(00:22:01):
yeah,

(00:22:01):
there are some people that definitely cared about me,

(00:22:04):
but they didn't,

(00:22:05):
you know,

(00:22:05):
it's like,

(00:22:05):
as long as you're performing,

(00:22:07):
as long as you're part of feeding into their system,

(00:22:11):
then yeah,

(00:22:12):
you're valuable.

(00:22:12):
But the

(00:22:17):
Then all of a sudden you're like the enemy or whatever.

(00:22:20):
So I also felt that kind of,

(00:22:22):
and that was really interesting space to navigate and,

(00:22:26):
and,

(00:22:26):
you know,

(00:22:27):
nothing right or wrong,

(00:22:28):
good or bad about it.

(00:22:29):
It's just like interesting.

(00:22:30):
It's just information.

(00:22:32):
So all that information was really interesting.

(00:22:35):
Yeah, interesting to navigate.

(00:22:38):
And I learned, I mean, I have learned so much since I left professional surfing.

(00:22:43):
And now I'm kind of coming back to it in a way where I'm like,

(00:22:46):
wow,

(00:22:47):
like I'm really excited to be part of a team again.

(00:22:50):
I really want to work as part of a team.

(00:22:51):
I really want to help support the future in a way having navigated through all this

(00:22:56):
stuff because it's been 10 years.

(00:22:58):
So I feel like I've come through this like full cycle with it.

(00:23:02):
And in that,

(00:23:03):
I'm really seeing all these young kids,

(00:23:05):
I'm seeing all these people,

(00:23:06):
and I really want to help support them.

(00:23:08):
And also, I feel like people are at a different place.

(00:23:12):
And these people are coming into working with these businesses and wanting different things.

(00:23:16):
So I think there's a lot of opportunity at this time for people to navigate this landscape

(00:23:26):
with more heart and more conscious attention and not just looking at dollars and

(00:23:35):
cents and what makes sense when it comes to bottom lines,

(00:23:38):
but having the opportunity to look at things from a more holistic landscape.

(00:23:46):
I do really feel hopeful for the future and hopeful

(00:23:51):
for the next generations and and as well hopeful for the world of surfing and and

(00:23:56):
the support that it gives to the People I am Who I am in this moment and I do feel

(00:24:02):
that I'm constantly growing evolving and changing And I remember when I was on a

(00:24:07):
boat trip and it was one of the last boat trips I went on with Roxy at the time

(00:24:12):
Right before kind of probably two years before my contract was up And I chose to

(00:24:18):
leave

(00:24:19):
And I was like in Indonesia, which is like the greatest place on earth, surfing perfect waves.

(00:24:26):
And I just felt so much like pain.

(00:24:29):
I just felt so much like deep sadness.

(00:24:32):
And I didn't know where it was coming from.

(00:24:35):
And I just remember my friend, Dane Peterson, was out shooting photos.

(00:24:40):
And I broke down to him in the water.

(00:24:44):
And it was just me and him.

(00:24:45):
And I didn't know where it was coming from.

(00:24:47):
I didn't know how to name my feelings at the time.

(00:24:50):
And some people are probably hearing this being like, oh, whatever.

(00:24:54):
You're a surfer.

(00:24:55):
Just have fun.

(00:24:56):
But it was just all this pressure and all this posturing.

(00:25:01):
And again, like having been with a company since I was 17 years old.

(00:25:05):
So really,

(00:25:06):
too,

(00:25:07):
it's like not really having the mentorship,

(00:25:10):
I think,

(00:25:11):
to like really know how to navigate certain times in my life or like...

(00:25:16):
even navigate certain feelings like how hard is it to be a human actually to be

(00:25:21):
with your feelings like there's so much about our society that like smokes their

(00:25:25):
feelings away or drinks their feelings away or you know avoids their feelings by

(00:25:31):
you know whatever sensory you know um

(00:25:36):
support or whatever they're doing, you know, they kind of numb out, right?

(00:25:39):
So to really be with your feelings and to know where,

(00:25:43):
be able to trace them and see where they're coming from,

(00:25:45):
like I didn't have tools to like get there.

(00:25:47):
And so I broke down to Dane and I was like, just feeling

(00:25:52):
lost,

(00:25:53):
like 100% lost,

(00:25:55):
like didn't know where I was,

(00:25:56):
who I was,

(00:25:57):
what was going on,

(00:25:59):
because I was like this surfer.

(00:26:00):
So like my personality was like,

(00:26:02):
oh,

(00:26:03):
like Cassia the surfer,

(00:26:04):
Cassia this,

(00:26:05):
always happy,

(00:26:06):
always this,

(00:26:07):
always that.

(00:26:08):
And it's like, well, who am I if I'm not a surfer?

(00:26:10):
Who am I if I'm not this thing?

(00:26:14):
And why?

(00:26:16):
Like,

(00:26:16):
why am I here to like be this thing for other people to like be this like marketing

(00:26:23):
thing that they want for this season?

(00:26:25):
Cause it makes sense to them and everybody else has their person in place.

(00:26:29):
You know, it just, it was really, really interesting time in my life.

(00:26:33):
And so I actually came back from that trip.

(00:26:37):
I put all my stuff in a bag and I just left.

(00:26:40):
I was living in Oceanside at the time.

(00:26:43):
And I left San Diego and I moved back to L.A.

(00:26:46):
and I just was like, OK, like I don't really know what I'm looking for.

(00:26:52):
But I also know that like I need to go find something and I need to like grow and I

(00:26:59):
need to like know who I am if I'm not this thing.

(00:27:03):
Because it's just a persona like a surfer is a persona.

(00:27:07):
Right.

(00:27:08):
It's like, but you're not your persona.

(00:27:10):
And what does that mean?

(00:27:11):
Like, it's, yeah, who am I to other people?

(00:27:14):
But who am I to myself?

(00:27:15):
So I think it's really getting to know yourself.

(00:27:17):
And like, I had to go through my own journey to know who I was outside of this surfer persona.

(00:27:23):
And I think for people who really know who they are, it's an easier place to navigate.

(00:27:29):
But oftentimes, as, you know, professional athletes, we go into this thing as kids and

(00:27:38):
And then who we are is this identity and persona around what we do, where that's not who we are.

(00:27:44):
It's just something we do and enjoy.

(00:27:46):
And I think that's also the opportunity of life is to figure it out.

(00:27:52):
So all these things happen.

(00:27:53):
Like I needed to leave.

(00:27:54):
I needed to go through that breakdown in that moment to actually like come to L.A.

(00:27:58):
and like kind of get into different things and like find out who I was through the

(00:28:02):
struggles of leaving that to find out who I am.

(00:28:06):
And now I'm like so much more excited about surfing than I ever was.

(00:28:10):
Like I'm just as pumped now as when I was a kid because I love surfing.

(00:28:16):
But it's not all of who I am.

(00:28:18):
It's something I enjoy doing.

(00:28:21):
And, you know, they wanted me to have my hair a certain way.

(00:28:23):
They wanted me to dye my hair blonde because I was like their like ethnic kid who was blonde.

(00:28:29):
And like, you know what I mean?

(00:28:30):
It's like I had to fit into I had to like look a certain way and be a certain way

(00:28:35):
and ride this board with this bathing suit on in this way.

(00:28:39):
And I couldn't really like find my own space.

(00:28:41):
I just had to be what they wanted me to be.

(00:28:43):
So there was no space to even know who I was outside of that.

(00:28:47):
So,

(00:28:48):
you know,

(00:28:49):
and I think that that also is like been my lesson to grow through,

(00:28:53):
you know,

(00:28:54):
and I think too,

(00:28:54):
it's like I also had a bunch of injuries,

(00:28:56):
had a bunch of concussions and a bunch of like shoulder injuries and like pushing

(00:29:01):
myself and like not taking care of my body because I had to show up at these times

(00:29:07):
because I was being paid to be there.

(00:29:10):
And I couldn't step aside and support my body in ways that I needed to because it's like,

(00:29:16):
you know,

(00:29:17):
it's like all that stuff.

(00:29:19):
It's like when I left surfing, I wasn't excited about surfing at all.

(00:29:23):
I wasn't.

(00:29:23):
I kind of took a couple of years,

(00:29:25):
like I would say a good five to seven years,

(00:29:27):
even though I was like kind of surfing.

(00:29:29):
I wasn't because I just had injury after injury after injury.

(00:29:32):
Then I would show up and do an event or surf, you know, a duct tape or something like that.

(00:29:37):
Like I remember a duct tape that we did in Huntington Beach, one of the first ones.

(00:29:41):
And it was just like me and a bunch of guys.

(00:29:44):
And the next one was me and some girls.

(00:29:47):
And I was so stoked to have some ladies in there too this time.

(00:29:50):
The first one with a bunch of girls and my first heat, I won it, but I got knocked out by my board.

(00:29:55):
And I was like seeing stars.

(00:29:58):
And it was like one of multiple concussions.

(00:30:00):
And then I pretty much had to sit in a dark room for three days.

(00:30:03):
And I couldn't even drive back to LA from Huntington Beach.

(00:30:07):
You know what I mean?

(00:30:08):
And like that kind of stuff.

(00:30:09):
I'm like so happy that people are wearing helmet surfing now in big events.

(00:30:14):
I'm like so happy that people are getting like, you know, neurological baselines for where they're at.

(00:30:20):
And so they kind of like have that reference.

(00:30:22):
But like that stuff, everybody was just kind of sending it and like...

(00:30:26):
You can't see your brain,

(00:30:27):
you know,

(00:30:27):
like if it's injured,

(00:30:29):
you don't know if you injure your elbow,

(00:30:30):
you can see it.

(00:30:31):
But if you injure your brain, you don't know, you know.

(00:30:33):
So I had a lot of struggles with concussions and in getting through that as well.

(00:30:39):
And just all that kind of put me off of surfing and also made me like really

(00:30:43):
fearful of it for a long time.

(00:30:47):
And too,

(00:30:47):
when it comes to like the nervous system and like the whole body system,

(00:30:52):
you know,

(00:30:53):
there's so many different things that come up if we're in fight or flight or if

(00:30:57):
we're in fear or,

(00:30:59):
you know,

(00:30:59):
it's like all these things that like shut down our physiology.

(00:31:03):
If we are having kind of like neurological problems.

(00:31:07):
um episodes in one way shape or form right so it's like i think that mental health

(00:31:12):
and having like a really good mind it's like how many times have you seen an

(00:31:16):
amazing surfer or an amazing athlete shut down in competition or just fold because

(00:31:25):
yeah physically they can absolutely do it but they beat themselves with their own

(00:31:29):
mind

(00:31:30):
And I think now more than ever, right?

(00:31:33):
Like with social media and the way that media is,

(00:31:35):
there's so much more pressure in the world to like look a certain way,

(00:31:39):
to be a certain way.

(00:31:40):
Everybody's like on full blast all the time.

(00:31:44):
And to get away from that and to have your own opportunity to be coming into it for

(00:31:49):
your own reasons,

(00:31:50):
like where's your joy?

(00:31:52):
Like, are you here to be a machine and do you find joy in this machine?

(00:31:56):
Like, are you here to like win everything?

(00:31:59):
And then if you don't win anything, everything, you know, it's like, obviously like.

(00:32:05):
When you're in that center stage,

(00:32:07):
everything that you do is the most important thing ever because everybody's having

(00:32:10):
their own mental game.

(00:32:12):
But then you also realize,

(00:32:14):
like,

(00:32:14):
nobody else is paying attention because everybody else has their own mental chatter

(00:32:17):
occupying their mind.

(00:32:18):
But you really think, like, oh, darn, like, the whole world's watching me right now, you know?

(00:32:22):
So...

(00:32:24):
Yeah, it's like at this point in my life, I feel really free.

(00:32:27):
Like a lot of times with women, there's a lot more support groups and we communicate more.

(00:32:33):
And like by nature, we're a little bit more vulnerable and soft with our emotions.

(00:32:37):
And it's been harder for men to open up and be vulnerable.

(00:32:41):
But this generation of men is really communicating through things a lot more.

(00:32:46):
And there's men groups.

(00:32:47):
And that's opening even up more space.

(00:32:50):
And there's a lot more vulnerability there.

(00:32:52):
And I think just the more and more, that's what I love about working on retreats.

(00:32:57):
I feel like those retreat spaces, like the ocean really cracks us open, right?

(00:33:03):
Water always finds the lowest point and undermines things, right?

(00:33:08):
So wherever our cracks are,

(00:33:10):
I think like in my life, I'm so grateful for the ocean because it's like it mirrors for me my stuff.

(00:33:19):
Where are my fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, tendencies?

(00:33:22):
And I find that a lot when people come on retreats.

(00:33:25):
Yeah, they want to get better at surfing.

(00:33:27):
But oftentimes they come up with their own fear, their control, their whatever is their stuff in life.

(00:33:33):
And if we can hold space for that, not judge it, just name it.

(00:33:37):
and work through that.

(00:33:38):
So there's a physical opportunity to work through it with overcoming that in the ocean and surfing.

(00:33:45):
And then that kind of translates back to their life and how they're navigating those places in life.

(00:33:50):
And that mirroring happens there.

(00:33:52):
And I think it's like,

(00:33:54):
I'm so grateful because when I was surfing professionally,

(00:33:57):
I was like,

(00:33:58):
I feel like I need to do more and I want to do more.

(00:34:03):
And now I can understand how holding space for people and sharing surfing with them, it empowers people.

(00:34:11):
And it's something that I love that brought me so much joy that can help people.

(00:34:18):
And it creates community.

(00:34:20):
And I've just seen so many people get so empowered through that experience and how

(00:34:25):
we're able to help support them.

(00:34:27):
And it's just like I feel like so grateful now to be at this place in my life and

(00:34:31):
to see how something I love so much of surfing is like able to actually like help

(00:34:36):
people in their lives in a different way.

(00:34:38):
It's not just like a selfish pursuit of like getting more waves,

(00:34:41):
which obviously we all want to have more waves because it's so fun.

(00:34:44):
But then, you know, it's like, oh, now I see how this is all coming together.

(00:34:50):
And that's awesome.

(00:34:57):
Cassia's story of redefining herself hits close to home.

(00:35:01):
It's a reminder that even those we idolize,

(00:35:04):
those who seem to have it all figured out are fighting battles we know nothing about.

(00:35:09):
But sometimes these battles aren't fought alone.

(00:35:12):
Sometimes they're waged with a bottle of whiskey or a line on the table.

(00:35:17):
Drugs and alcohol, mental health's fickle friends, promise temporary relief in shackles.

(00:35:23):
The pain is silent.

(00:35:25):
It's a loneliness that can drive even the brightest stars to see comfort in the

(00:35:29):
bottom of a glass or the rush of a high.

(00:35:32):
In this world of glitz and glory,

(00:35:34):
where video parts and after parties often mask the turmoil within,

(00:35:40):
there are rare individuals who dare to bare their souls.

(00:35:43):
Barrick DeVries is one such person.

(00:35:46):
and one in a million human with a heart of gold and the courage of a lion.

(00:35:51):
Beric's story isn't just about addiction or recovery.

(00:35:54):
It's a raw, unfiltered look at how challenging life can get even when you're living the dream.

(00:36:00):
It's about a guy who stood at the edge of his own personal hell and chose to step back,

(00:36:05):
not just for himself,

(00:36:06):
but for others who might be dancing on the same edge.

(00:36:09):
His journey hammers home a simple fact.

(00:36:12):
Hurt people hurt people.

(00:36:14):
but heal people have the power to heal others too.

(00:36:17):
Gary glyphs his truth,

(00:36:19):
turning his struggle into a lifeline for those still lost in the shadow of their minds.

(00:36:24):
As we hear Beric talk, we're not just listening to one man's victory lap.

(00:36:29):
We're seeing the ripple effect of his decision to face his demons heads on.

(00:36:34):
His honesty challenges us to look beyond the surface and recognize that behind

(00:36:39):
every smile and achievement at war might be fought in silence.

(00:36:43):
Leave your preconceptions at the door.

(00:36:45):
Beric speaking openly about his path from addiction to sobriety isn't just brave.

(00:36:51):
It's the only way forward.

(00:36:52):
In a culture that often glorifies the bad boy image and covers pain with bravado,

(00:36:58):
his honesty is a sledgehammer to the walls of shame surrounding mental health and addiction.

(00:37:05):
Through Beric's eyes,

(00:37:06):
we see that getting clean isn't just about ditching the drugs or walking away from

(00:37:11):
the party.

(00:37:12):
It's about finding your purpose again.

(00:37:14):
changing what success means to you and learning to be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

(00:37:21):
If there's one thing we can learn from Beric,

(00:37:23):
it's that we're not the sum of our worst days or the deepest struggles.

(00:37:27):
We are what we become when we rise,

(00:37:30):
when we healin',

(00:37:32):
when we use our shit to help others climb out of theirs.

(00:37:37):
I think I was kind of the last of the old school approach to, to, to surfing.

(00:37:45):
And,

(00:37:45):
uh,

(00:37:47):
when surfing naturally progressed into the kind of sleep train,

(00:37:52):
surf,

(00:37:54):
uh,

(00:37:54):
hydrates and yeah,

(00:37:56):
all that type of stuff.

(00:37:57):
Um, I didn't really get the memo.

(00:37:59):
Maybe I didn't want to get the memo.

(00:38:00):
Maybe it looked like too much hard work and, uh, yeah, I didn't do it.

(00:38:05):
And, um,

(00:38:08):
Yeah, I took, I partied hard, brother.

(00:38:12):
I partied hard.

(00:38:14):
And I knew that I've always wanted a family.

(00:38:19):
And like my best friends,

(00:38:20):
like Mikey Feb and my friends at home,

(00:38:23):
Devin,

(00:38:23):
and they got married,

(00:38:26):
you know,

(00:38:26):
and I was partying.

(00:38:28):
They started to have kids.

(00:38:31):
I was kind of that uncle that was like, oh, there's Beric.

(00:38:34):
Okay, Beric, it's time to go out now.

(00:38:37):
The kids are going to go to sleep kind of uncle.

(00:38:42):
And I saw them, they were behaving and stuff.

(00:38:46):
So that natural progression that life goes,

(00:38:47):
everyone starts part,

(00:38:48):
everyone goes out,

(00:38:49):
everyone wants to meet girls,

(00:38:51):
everyone wants to be together,

(00:38:52):
be a bit raucous.

(00:38:53):
But then that natural progression of moving on, settling down a bit.

(00:38:58):
I always saw that.

(00:38:58):
I was like,

(00:39:00):
Fuck that.

(00:39:03):
But I always wanted a family.

(00:39:04):
So fuck that.

(00:39:05):
Or do you want a family?

(00:39:06):
So what I wanted and what I was doing weren't lining up.

(00:39:13):
So I believe one day I would have had to pull the trigger on getting sober.

(00:39:20):
but it came in the form of a snapped femur in five places.

(00:39:24):
And I believe that was God saying,

(00:39:26):
sit down,

(00:39:27):
little boy,

(00:39:27):
go to the corner and think about what you've done and what you're doing.

(00:39:32):
All those lessons I knew from the ocean side,

(00:39:34):
but I didn't take the lessons that I learned from the ocean over the beach back

(00:39:38):
onto the land.

(00:39:39):
I wanted to win the Wild Surf League.

(00:39:41):
Fuck the World Surf League.

(00:39:43):
And I wanted to be the Wild Surf League champion.

(00:39:46):
And I think I ended up doing that.

(00:39:49):
I wanted to be there.

(00:39:50):
Yeah, I'll have a go in the contest.

(00:39:53):
This is a chance to go to every coolest party on the planet.

(00:39:56):
So I don't know if my deep set intention was...

(00:40:01):
was there and I think it was, I don't think I ever believed I could do it.

(00:40:07):
I always looked at Fanning or Parker or Taj Slater and I was like, I'm not that good.

(00:40:16):
So instead of working on like the next little thing and the link of like,

(00:40:19):
okay,

(00:40:19):
let me just figure out this.

(00:40:20):
I need to get better at that, that and start going on that journey.

(00:40:24):
I kind of was just like, I'm just, this is where I am.

(00:40:27):
I'm not going to try to get better.

(00:40:29):
I didn't consciously say that, but I was like, I've got no chance.

(00:40:32):
So I was like, while I'm still there, let me go and kind of milk this for what it's worth.

(00:40:37):
And the way I milked it was with the parties.

(00:40:39):
But now,

(00:40:39):
I don't know,

(00:40:40):
to be honest,

(00:40:41):
it is...

(00:40:42):
Seeing the parties from a sober angle now,

(00:40:46):
and having done it for 15 years professionally...

(00:40:51):
Seems a bit lame, you know?

(00:40:53):
Everyone loses and goes out and they're like, fuck the judges, that was actually a 4.73, not a 4.97.

(00:40:58):
You're like, that's a bit sad, boys.

(00:41:03):
Like, what are we doing here?

(00:41:08):
And it's like, the girls, I've kind of done that, bro.

(00:41:16):
now also looking at I just wanted affirmation that I was okay that I was I am

(00:41:21):
someone I am something you know so I'll lose my heat then go out and get try get

(00:41:27):
have a threesome or something to like to tell the boys back home that actually I

(00:41:31):
did get a result but it wasn't in the exact area that I was planning on you know

(00:41:36):
lame dude that's losership like so trying to do things because I didn't have the

(00:41:41):
self affirmations

(00:41:43):
that I wanted,

(00:41:44):
so checking my intention,

(00:41:46):
I don't really,

(00:41:49):
through the program,

(00:41:50):
the 12-step program,

(00:41:51):
there's nothing for me there.

(00:41:53):
There are moments like that where the delusion is,

(00:41:55):
oh,

(00:41:55):
I want to be there,

(00:41:56):
but then I play the movie forward.

(00:41:58):
Those people are having a few drinks, and they're going to go back to their dog's cooked dinner.

(00:42:02):
That's not what I do.

(00:42:04):
Right now, we wouldn't be sitting here.

(00:42:05):
If I went for those two drinks...

(00:42:08):
Playing the movie forward is I would have disappeared.

(00:42:10):
The team wouldn't have seen me for two days and I would have been going on a bender

(00:42:13):
thinking this is the right way.

(00:42:15):
Backs against the wall and just reactive, not responding.

(00:42:18):
I don't want my addiction to defeat me, man.

(00:42:21):
I got the help I needed.

(00:42:23):
I'm getting the help I need.

(00:42:25):
And now I've got the opportunity of helping the next generation through coaching and mentorship.

(00:42:31):
And

(00:42:32):
and make sure the next generation is better than me and my generation.

(00:42:36):
So yeah, it's an honor to do that.

(00:42:38):
And I'm very fortunate that I believe I'm getting that help and I've got that support.

(00:42:43):
When I was younger, I wasn't a confident, like I wasn't,

(00:42:48):
fearless i was i was scared i like when other people were like come on let's go

(00:42:53):
let's paddle out i was like the only way i'd paddle out as if one of my best

(00:42:57):
friends were like i'll go out if you go out i'll go if you go out you know um i was

(00:43:03):
seen as someone that wouldn't surf bigger waves uh you know you had matt bromley at

(00:43:08):
dale staples those guys were fucking charging man um and then

(00:43:14):
The point came in Hawaii where I paddled out.

(00:43:17):
I did an interview in 2013 saying I'm going to be the first person to drown in the Triple Crown.

(00:43:22):
I paddled out shitting my pants.

(00:43:26):
And it turns out in the last 60 seconds of the heat, I turned on one.

(00:43:30):
I said, yes or no, are you a bitch or are you not a bitch?

(00:43:34):
Sometimes there's not really PG talks going on in the head.

(00:43:36):
And I turned, I went, I ended up pulling in the tube and I got a 10 and whatever.

(00:43:41):
It went pretty viral and got a lot of credit for that.

(00:43:46):
But the transition of emotions from feeling scared, worthless, insecure, heterofied.

(00:43:54):
to then getting what some of my favorite surfers told me was the best 10 ever at sunset.

(00:44:01):
Woof, that's it.

(00:44:01):
In 30 seconds, I came in.

(00:44:05):
Fuck, people weren't cutting me off in the line at Foodland anymore.

(00:44:10):
I had people saying, hey, Beric, to me in a Hawaiian accent.

(00:44:13):
I was like, whoa, what's up?

(00:44:15):
And man, to be honest, that's what cocaine is.

(00:44:20):
That's what cocaine is, bro.

(00:44:22):
You go from feeling...

(00:44:24):
what, a bit drunk and you're feeling like, I don't know, a bit shitty.

(00:44:28):
And then that's what the thing with cocaine, it instantly makes you feel the way you want to feel.

(00:44:33):
And it makes you feel like you've put in the hard work and you've got a big result

(00:44:36):
and you feel like a fucking king.

(00:44:38):
It's a cheat code to success, a successful feeling.

(00:44:42):
So I think that that's where I became addicted to that transition between feeling

(00:44:48):
shitty to feeling on top of the fucking world.

(00:44:52):
and when i started doing cocaine that's the transition that i felt every single

(00:44:57):
time three weeks before i went into treatment my sister had a baby little baby noah

(00:45:07):
and i spoke about mikey fairbairn kids but then when my sister has i'm an uncle now

(00:45:13):
that's when the questions kind of started coming in the back of my mind okay so

(00:45:17):
what's up uncle are you uncle uncle fuck up like

(00:45:21):
What are you bringing to this kid's life?

(00:45:28):
Because if I was the parents, I'd say stay away from Uncle Beric.

(00:45:35):
He's straight away from his core values.

(00:45:39):
So then if I say what's up, Uncle Amar, then that goes into what's up, Man Amar.

(00:45:43):
You can watch all these David Goggins podcasts while you're sipping a whiskey in your bed.

(00:45:49):
And that only lasts for then the real ends and you have to keep scrolling,

(00:45:52):
you know,

(00:45:53):
you have to keep scrolling because the truth is you hear all this motivation and still,

(00:45:57):
what am I doing?

(00:45:58):
What could you be doing right now, Derek?

(00:46:01):
What could I be doing?

(00:46:03):
And yeah, who am I?

(00:46:05):
Where am I?

(00:46:06):
What am I doing?

(00:46:06):
Where am I going?

(00:46:09):
And what's the fucking plan?

(00:46:12):
When I got the call from my sister saying,

(00:46:16):
Beric,

(00:46:16):
we think it's time for,

(00:46:18):
actually she was meant to phone me and say,

(00:46:21):
suggest rehab to me.

(00:46:22):
But she chickened out and she started saying, I think you should do a business course.

(00:46:26):
And her husband came on the phone and he's like, no, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(00:46:31):
That wasn't the plan, brother.

(00:46:32):
We think it's time for rehab, bro.

(00:46:33):
What do you think?

(00:46:34):
And I was like, yes.

(00:46:36):
I jumped on the opportunity.

(00:46:37):
It took 60 seconds or something.

(00:46:40):
Um, I was ready for it.

(00:46:41):
I don't know what that,

(00:46:44):
I don't know what the,

(00:46:44):
what the thing is where I watch podcasts on,

(00:46:48):
on addiction and stuff,

(00:46:49):
but I don't,

(00:46:52):
I don't know what the thing was where I couldn't just go like,

(00:46:55):
now now is the time that i'm going to ask for help i don't know what what it is but

(00:47:00):
it seems like most people we have a problem of saying okay we know we have a

(00:47:03):
problem we know we're gonna have to stop at some time the question is when when is

(00:47:06):
now when is the time to go like hey i actually don't got this i don't i don't got

(00:47:11):
this it's not a big it's it's a big thing but just hey you

(00:47:16):
hold on, who knows how to help?

(00:47:18):
Let me just say I need some help.

(00:47:21):
So only when my sister and her husband said,

(00:47:24):
we think it's time for rehab,

(00:47:25):
it felt like finally I was someone from a life raft through that boy or buoy to me

(00:47:33):
and I could grab on.

(00:47:34):
I said, yeah, let's go.

(00:47:35):
So, and I checked in the next day and I said, enough's enough.

(00:47:41):
The physical side was, I didn't feel that.

(00:47:47):
I've probably had about three cravings where it's like, fuck all of this.

(00:47:53):
Let me just go get a couple beers, go watch the sunset and then see where life takes me.

(00:47:59):
As if I don't know where it does take me.

(00:48:02):
Man, it's the mental thing.

(00:48:06):
I had the coping mechanisms of a child.

(00:48:12):
and it was i was spiritually emotionally and physically bankrupt um and i had used

(00:48:23):
the easy way out the cheat codes too much and the cheat codes weren't working

(00:48:27):
anymore so i had to do it the long hard way um and it but it's definitely the the

(00:48:35):
mental obsession and

(00:48:38):
the spiritual disconnection rather than the physical kind of addiction.

(00:48:43):
When people used to say to me, how are you doing?

(00:48:45):
I'm like, oh, I got a ninth, I got a fifth.

(00:48:48):
It's like, you know, and people wouldn't ask how you're doing if you've got a good result recently.

(00:48:53):
So it's like, how are you?

(00:48:55):
Not how, what's, don't give me your CV.

(00:48:58):
How are you?

(00:48:59):
I think success for me now is defined by my relationships.

(00:49:05):
And if I am

(00:49:09):
Doing better or at least actively, consistently trying to be better than I was yesterday.

(00:49:19):
So progress, not perfection.

(00:49:23):
Am I progressing in the places that really matter, which is...

(00:49:28):
joy,

(00:49:29):
love,

(00:49:31):
self-care,

(00:49:31):
self-respect,

(00:49:33):
because I've noticed that I didn't really have self-respect,

(00:49:36):
self-care,

(00:49:37):
or self-love.

(00:49:41):
Now that I'm focusing on doing that for myself, I've noticed that that falls over into my relationships.

(00:49:50):
And my relationship with my father now is the best.

(00:49:53):
I couldn't ever have dreamed about a relationship with my father like I have now.

(00:49:57):
My mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, my friends.

(00:50:01):
I thought that the friends...

(00:50:05):
I thought the friends that would judge me,

(00:50:06):
I'd be like,

(00:50:07):
well,

(00:50:08):
we don't have place for Beric now because he's not going to be at the bar making us

(00:50:11):
laugh and doing stupid shit,

(00:50:14):
skating down the aisles of airplanes while they're taking off.

(00:50:18):
But it's funny because those are the friends that we're

(00:50:25):
they were hoping that this Berwick would come out and that other Berwick would fall away.

(00:50:32):
So my relationships, I think that's the definition of success.

(00:50:36):
Am I there for myself?

(00:50:38):
And am I there for the people that matter to me in this world?

(00:50:40):
I didn't realize how much emotional pain and spiritual pain I was in.

(00:50:46):
So looking back, that femur had nothing on that.

(00:50:49):
So, yeah, but it's the time.

(00:50:51):
It's like what's being present.

(00:50:56):
You know, these words used to seem like, okay, yogi, go do your fucking meditation and spiritual stuff.

(00:51:03):
I'm going to go get a beer.

(00:51:04):
But actually being present, like,

(00:51:08):
not thinking about the future or the past being here and doing that as much as

(00:51:14):
possible for the last year i feel like it's been 10 years and i don't feel like

(00:51:17):
i've wasted a second um it's a new way of living and it's a new way of thinking

(00:51:26):
feeling and acting and

(00:51:29):
I am over the flipping moon to be here and have learned those lessons.

(00:51:34):
Because if that's just a year into this, then I can't wait to see what happens next, man.

(00:51:39):
I think that now I can be a good man.

(00:51:42):
I think I can be a good husband and a good father one day.

(00:51:45):
And that's what's up.

(00:51:47):
And I can help.

(00:51:48):
I can take the Netherlands and the Dutch surfing.

(00:51:51):
My goal is to get them to be in the top five surfing nations within 10 years.

(00:51:57):
So it's nine years left.

(00:52:00):
And I said that, I used to say that when I was drinking and I was on whatever.

(00:52:03):
But now I see that I'm manageable, man.

(00:52:08):
I'm manageable.

(00:52:08):
I can take on these things.

(00:52:10):
I've learned to juggle with one ball, two balls, three balls.

(00:52:13):
And I think that's the way I'm feeling and the structure I've got,

(00:52:18):
the support I've got and living in the present.

(00:52:22):
I feel like...

(00:52:23):
I can start taking on things and I can actually achieve the things that I used to

(00:52:27):
say I wanted to do with my mouth because now I believe in myself.

(00:52:31):
And, you know, hurt people hurt people, but help people help people too.

(00:52:36):
So in the end,

(00:52:37):
I'm getting fulfillment now and I'm seeing a very big,

(00:52:43):
like a lot of opportunities now to help whoever it is,

(00:52:47):
wherever they are,

(00:52:48):
to help find the peace that I've found.

(00:52:55):
Overcoming addiction shows us how powerful and resilient our minds can be.

(00:53:00):
They're complex and deep,

(00:53:02):
but they have this unique ability to adapt,

(00:53:04):
to heal,

(00:53:05):
to rewire themselves in a way we're only beginning to understand.

(00:53:09):
It's like our brains have their own set of waves.

(00:53:12):
Some days are calm, others are stormy.

(00:53:15):
But they're always in motion, always changing.

(00:53:18):
But it's not just addiction that mind can overcome.

(00:53:21):
It can also heal itself from incredible trauma.

(00:53:25):
Like the loss of a child, a pain so profound it defies description.

(00:53:30):
And someone who experienced that pain is legendary surfer and 1977 world champ, Sean Thompson.

(00:53:38):
who lost his 15 and a half year old son Matthew in 2006.

(00:53:42):
In the face of unimaginable loss, Sean chose to move forward.

(00:53:48):
He channeled his grief into the Surfer's Code, 12 simple lessons for writing through life.

(00:53:55):
A book that's become a source of inspiration,

(00:53:58):
finding its way into prisons,

(00:54:00):
schools,

(00:54:01):
boardrooms,

(00:54:01):
and homes worldwide.

(00:54:03):
Sean's journey is more than just trying to work through trauma.

(00:54:06):
It's about finding purpose in pain.

(00:54:09):
He shows us that even in our darkest hours, there's hope if we're brave enough to look for it.

(00:54:17):
He reminds us that true strength isn't about never falling.

(00:54:22):
It's about always getting back up, no matter how many times life knocks you down.

(00:54:27):
In Sean's words and actions, we see the power of connection to faith, to family, to friends, to nature.

(00:54:35):
He teaches us that healing isn't a solitary pursuit, but one that thrives on community and compassion.

(00:54:45):
In our day's Sydney, you never ever shed vulnerability.

(00:54:50):
You never, ever showed weakness.

(00:54:53):
And it was considered a badge of dishonor to cry after a heat.

(00:54:59):
I remember no matter how disappointing or stinging the loss, no one would ever know how it impacted me.

(00:55:07):
I would go over to a competitor.

(00:55:09):
I'd look them in the eyes.

(00:55:11):
I'd shake their hand, give it a good squeeze to let them know next time I'm coming back.

(00:55:16):
And then I'd move on and put it behind me.

(00:55:19):
So I was lucky, I always had a very strong mental outlook, I had a strong attitude.

(00:55:26):
In contrast to, I think,

(00:55:30):
the evolution of the next wave of pro surfers.

(00:55:34):
I mean, Ian Cairns was a tough guy.

(00:55:36):
Peter Townend was a tough guy.

(00:55:38):
Rabbit Bartholomew was a tough guy.

(00:55:40):
Mark Richards was a tough guy.

(00:55:41):
These guys never betrayed vulnerability.

(00:55:45):
And that's just the way sport was there.

(00:55:48):
The first time I experienced it was

(00:55:52):
It was Marco Calupo's first pro heat.

(00:55:55):
As a pro surfer, he was about 17 years old.

(00:55:59):
And he came up against me.

(00:56:01):
I was like number one or two at the time.

(00:56:05):
And it was very small surf.

(00:56:07):
It was two to three foot north narrow being left.

(00:56:10):
Now, if there's one...

(00:56:12):
During my career, if there was one wave at which I had a weakness, it was small left-handers.

(00:56:18):
I was a bigger guy, and surfing against a young, hot kid, it was like I was given no chance.

(00:56:24):
Anyway, I had a good heat.

(00:56:26):
He didn't have such a great heat, and it was a very close result.

(00:56:29):
And Oki and all his supporters thought he'd won, and it was a close heat, and I'd won.

(00:56:34):
And the results was announced, and I saw him standing on the beach crying.

(00:56:39):
And I remember walking over to Aki and I put my arm around his shoulder and I went,

(00:56:44):
Aki,

(00:56:44):
don't worry,

(00:56:45):
there'll be more.

(00:56:46):
And Trax magazine, famous Australian magazine, shot the pic at the time.

(00:56:51):
But that was really the first time I saw vulnerability in a competitive situation.

(00:56:57):
And then certainly, I think Aki did have some mental health issues throughout his career.

(00:57:05):
and I don't think there's any stigma associated with it,

(00:57:12):
but it does tell you a lot about mindset,

(00:57:16):
I think.

(00:57:17):
And it was really interesting,

(00:57:19):
Coco Gauff,

(00:57:20):
Simone Biles,

(00:57:21):
a lot of these competitors,

(00:57:25):
perhaps at the heart of their career,

(00:57:27):
the pressure of great expectations,

(00:57:32):
can crush you down.

(00:57:33):
So I think that once a surface felt it was okay to reveal that they're struggling

(00:57:40):
with a mental health issue,

(00:57:43):
that it was not perceived as a sign of weakness.

(00:57:47):
And I think the fans respect that.

(00:57:51):
And it takes courage to be vulnerable.

(00:57:53):
It certainly, I think it does.

(00:57:55):
And now a word from our sponsors.

(00:57:59):
shout out to our sponsor sunnyside the marketing agency for action sports and

(00:58:04):
lifestyle brands based out of california check them out at

(00:58:08):
www.sunnysidecalifornia.com in our era it was different it took courage to be

(00:58:18):
invulnerable i mean for me

(00:58:22):
I thought my mind was strong.

(00:58:24):
I thought my attitude was strong.

(00:58:27):
And every time I competed, you see, my self-esteem was not tied to winning a heat.

(00:58:34):
Yes, I love to win.

(00:58:35):
I was a bloody gnarly competitor.

(00:58:39):
I used to love to beat my opposition, but I beat them with respect.

(00:58:44):
You know, after every heat, whether I won or lost, I'd go over and shake a guy's hand.

(00:58:50):
there is a downward spiral.

(00:58:51):
And you know, when I was a competitor, I did a lot of research and I read a lot of books.

(00:58:56):
I read a lot of biographies, autobiographies.

(00:59:00):
I read a lot of books on this sort of new field of sports psychology, this brand new field.

(00:59:07):
And I read about attitude and mindset.

(00:59:10):
This was before it was called mindset.

(00:59:15):
And I came to understand that

(00:59:18):
You always have to look forward.

(00:59:20):
And, you know, I always like to think that, you know, look back to what you know.

(00:59:25):
You know about surfing and in surfing you look forward.

(00:59:27):
You catch a wave, you look forward.

(00:59:29):
You look out, you look for the next wave.

(00:59:31):
You don't look behind you.

(00:59:32):
And this is not like I'm dropping in the guy and I'm not looking behind me.

(00:59:35):
It's not that bullshit.

(00:59:37):
You've got to look forward.

(00:59:38):
And it's easy to get caught in that downward spiral of despair.

(00:59:43):
You lose the heat.

(00:59:46):
You try harder.

(00:59:46):
You put more pressure on yourself.

(00:59:48):
You try a different board.

(00:59:50):
You lose your confidence and you lose again and you lose again and you lose again.

(00:59:54):
And the thing is, is that after each heat drop,

(00:59:58):
or after each loss, you've got to move forward.

(01:00:03):
You've got to shut the gate on that loss,

(01:00:05):
think about it,

(01:00:07):
you know,

(01:00:07):
have maybe a depressing day,

(01:00:09):
you know,

(01:00:10):
a day when you're kind of grappling and coming to terms with what you did and like,

(01:00:14):
I would have,

(01:00:15):
should have,

(01:00:15):
could have,

(01:00:16):
but then you move forward and you never think about,

(01:00:18):
you know,

(01:00:18):
I would have,

(01:00:18):
should have,

(01:00:19):
could have again.

(01:00:22):
You just always look forward.

(01:00:24):
So that notion of hope

(01:00:28):
It's really at the core of the surfing experience.

(01:00:30):
You know, everyone, we wake up and surf.

(01:00:31):
We hit the dawn patrol.

(01:00:32):
We hit the dawny.

(01:00:33):
We want to be out there.

(01:00:34):
We don't know what it's going to be like.

(01:00:35):
Okay,

(01:00:35):
maybe the reporters said X,

(01:00:37):
Y,

(01:00:37):
and Z.

(01:00:38):
But you still hit it and you've got that hope,

(01:00:39):
you know,

(01:00:40):
that optimism to get the next wave.

(01:00:42):
And these, I think, simple fundamental lessons have really helped me through my life.

(01:00:50):
So as a competitor...

(01:00:56):
I did not have these fundamental anguishing moments that crushed me down and left

(01:01:07):
me bereft and despairing.

(01:01:10):
But for me, the big turning point was the loss of my son on the 24th of April, 2006.

(01:01:16):
My son was 15 and a half.

(01:01:25):
He was with my wife for a semester at my old school in South Africa.

(01:01:28):
Clifton was a private school.

(01:01:30):
Kids wore blazers and pants and school ties.

(01:01:36):
He just played this dangerous game that was kind of going around the kids.

(01:01:41):
They called it the choking game.

(01:01:42):
They played with their school ties.

(01:01:44):
of a risk thing so after losing my boy and trying to deal with it like how was i

(01:01:53):
gonna how was i going going to find my way out of despair how was i going to find

(01:02:00):
my way out of this big black hole i was like on a

(01:02:07):
voyage of a ship that was sailing into the darkness and stormy seas.

(01:02:15):
It was just horrible, horrible, horrible times.

(01:02:19):
I had to quote on all my reserves on how was I going to get through this.

(01:02:27):
So many years ago, I'd written something called Surface Code.

(01:02:30):
It was a little card that was inspired by a guy called Glenn Henning, who started Surfrider Foundation.

(01:02:39):
And I've always thought that words have got incredible power.

(01:02:44):
Words have got great power to influence and inspire,

(01:02:46):
as we've seen what's happened with social over the last few decades.

(01:02:52):
And the words that are the most inspiring of all are our own words, I think.

(01:02:56):
If you want to create a transformation in your life,

(01:02:59):
So he asked me, can you, I'm bringing a group of kids to the beach at Rincon.

(01:03:07):
Rincon was faced with an environmental problem.

(01:03:09):
I want you to give them something to inspire them.

(01:03:11):
And then I'm bringing down the media and all these government officials and

(01:03:13):
hopefully we can solve this big environmental problem.

(01:03:16):
It was like a $10 million problem.

(01:03:19):
He said,

(01:03:20):
but I'm going to bring down these kids,

(01:03:22):
inspire the kids,

(01:03:23):
the media will get stoked and everyone will get stoked.

(01:03:25):
And

(01:03:26):
you know, we'll create awareness of the problem and solve it.

(01:03:30):
So I went home, you've got a hundred dollar budget.

(01:03:34):
So I went home that night and I thought like, what could I do?

(01:03:35):
I had another brand at the time called Solitudes at a warehouse full of product.

(01:03:40):
Maybe I'll give them, give the kids some product.

(01:03:42):
And then I did something different.

(01:03:44):
And I did something that,

(01:03:47):
I believe, changed my life.

(01:03:49):
You know, a lot of people say that you can figure things out when you look backwards.

(01:03:57):
I think Steve Jobs,

(01:03:58):
to paraphrase him,

(01:04:01):
not that he's an ultimate hero of mine,

(01:04:04):
but certainly a creative genius.

(01:04:07):
And this little process that I did, I spent 15 minutes on it, wrote 12 lines.

(01:04:10):
Every line begins with, I will.

(01:04:12):
And I wrote down what surfing had taught me.

(01:04:16):
After surfing for decades, many, many, many decades, I'll never turn my back on the ocean.

(01:04:22):
I'll always paddle back out.

(01:04:24):
I will know that there'll be another wave.

(01:04:25):
And these words that I'd written gave me great hope.

(01:04:29):
My words.

(01:04:31):
My words.

(01:04:32):
Gave me great hope.

(01:04:35):
And then I reconnected with my faith, my religion.

(01:04:38):
I'm Jewish.

(01:04:39):
I went to my old synagogue where I had my bar mitzvah in South Africa.

(01:04:45):
And I'd sit there, sometimes by myself, and I'd look up.

(01:04:50):
And in every single synagogue in every country in the world where Jews are allowed,

(01:04:58):
They're the five books of Moses.

(01:05:00):
It's called the Torah.

(01:05:01):
And above the Torah, they call it an ark.

(01:05:04):
It's usually shuttered with curtains.

(01:05:06):
And above it, there's a light.

(01:05:09):
The Jews call it Neretamit.

(01:05:10):
It's the everlasting light.

(01:05:13):
The light will never go out.

(01:05:15):
And it's a symbol of faith, a symbol of hope.

(01:05:18):
It's a symbol of that there'll always be light, even in the darkness.

(01:05:22):
And I'd sit there, and I'd think about an essay that my son had written and read to me over the phone.

(01:05:30):
The day he died, it was about tube riding, man.

(01:05:32):
It was some of those beautiful words.

(01:05:34):
And I just happened to get them.

(01:05:35):
I was phoning my wife.

(01:05:36):
Hey, Dadda, Dadda, listen to this.

(01:05:38):
And he read me this amazing...

(01:05:41):
I thought it was poetry.

(01:05:41):
And I said, hey, Luke, where'd you find that?

(01:05:43):
And I thought he found it in like some mag or something.

(01:05:47):
He said, I read it.

(01:05:48):
I read it for my essay in English today.

(01:05:49):
And he wrote the words, the light shines ahead and that.

(01:05:54):
So how's that possible?

(01:05:55):
He's written this amazing thing about tube running, about surfing, about the light shines ahead.

(01:06:00):
I'm sitting there in my old shul.

(01:06:02):
I'm looking at this, looking at this lamp that represents hope and faith and

(01:06:11):
My wife had to be admitted to the hospital because she's in a very, very bad way after we lost our boy.

(01:06:18):
It had been a number of weeks, and I think we were both going backwards.

(01:06:23):
And a friend came in.

(01:06:26):
And he walked into the hospital room.

(01:06:30):
My wife was in bed.

(01:06:31):
I was sitting next to her.

(01:06:31):
Mom was at the foot of the bed.

(01:06:34):
And he said, I have a message from Matthew.

(01:06:36):
That was my son's name, Matthew.

(01:06:37):
It's a Hebrew name.

(01:06:38):
It means give from God.

(01:06:39):
I have a message from Matthew.

(01:06:41):
And with that,

(01:06:44):
one bolt of lightning,

(01:06:45):
one bolt out of a clear blue sky rocked that hospital to its foundation.

(01:06:51):
Bang!

(01:06:53):
One, one bolt.

(01:06:55):
I looked out the window.

(01:06:56):
There was not even one cloud in the sky.

(01:07:01):
It was like May in South Africa, which is probably the most stable month of the whole year.

(01:07:05):
You do not get thunderstorms.

(01:07:08):
So for me, that was...

(01:07:11):
a connectivity to a greater power, to God.

(01:07:15):
So for me,

(01:07:16):
it was,

(01:07:17):
yes,

(01:07:18):
the principles of surfing,

(01:07:20):
getting back to my religious faith,

(01:07:23):
connecting to God with this,

(01:07:28):
it was a miracle.

(01:07:29):
It like shocked me into the light, I think.

(01:07:37):
And then how about this?

(01:07:39):
This is how, you know, I gave my life to surfing and I still, I still have given my life to surfing.

(01:07:46):
But surfing has given me so much here.

(01:07:48):
So a friend of mine kept phoning me.

(01:07:51):
Hey, Sean, I want to take you surfing.

(01:07:54):
Sean, I want to take you surfing.

(01:07:56):
And this is the power.

(01:07:57):
I'm going to tell you a story about the unbelievable transformational power of

(01:08:03):
surfing and how it can heal a broken heart.

(01:08:09):
Hey, Sean, I want to take you surfing.

(01:08:11):
He's my mate from school.

(01:08:12):
We used to sit next to each other at school.

(01:08:14):
Really good surfer, my big mate.

(01:08:18):
Hey, Sean, I don't know how long it'd be, maybe a month, two months, I can't remember.

(01:08:23):
So they went, okay, take me surfing.

(01:08:25):
He said, I'm going to take you to a place you've never surfed before.

(01:08:29):
So we drive up the coast, up the north coast in Durban, in South Africa, in Durban.

(01:08:34):
So now we drive up the coast early in the morning.

(01:08:36):
We stop off at this break.

(01:08:38):
Never been to this break before when we walk down these stairs.

(01:08:44):
And then the whole Indian Ocean is like out there in front of us.

(01:08:48):
And the sun is boiling up through the Indian Ocean because it faces the East Coast.

(01:08:52):
So the sun is like rising through the ocean.

(01:08:55):
It's like boiling up through the ocean.

(01:08:57):
It's just a beautiful sight.

(01:08:58):
And the surf is perfect.

(01:09:00):
Four to five feet perfection, just us.

(01:09:02):
And a paddle out.

(01:09:05):
And I'm crying.

(01:09:06):
And as I pedal through the first wave, the first wave hits me in the face.

(01:09:13):
And it just washes my tears away.

(01:09:14):
And I'm crying.

(01:09:15):
And I pedal out further.

(01:09:16):
And as I'm pedaling out and duck diving, the sea is just washing these tears away.

(01:09:22):
And it's calming me.

(01:09:23):
And it's like... It's almost like...

(01:09:30):
Baptism is such a word of evangelism, but in some ways, that's what it is.

(01:09:40):
And I paddle out, and I sit, and I think, and I can feel my boy.

(01:09:44):
I feel Matthew's right there with me.

(01:09:48):
and I swing around and I catch that first wave and I ride it and I start to feel

(01:09:54):
better and I paddle out and I catch another wave and I start to feel better and

(01:10:00):
it's like equilibrium is starting to be restored and I paddle out and I get another

(01:10:08):
one and I feel at peace as much as you can feel at peace when you've lost a child

(01:10:16):
and then I paddle up to my mate

(01:10:20):
And I say, hey, Graham, what's the name of this wave?

(01:10:23):
He goes, it's called Sunrise.

(01:10:25):
Sunrise.

(01:10:26):
So for me, this metaphor about the light shines ahead is so powerful in my life.

(01:10:33):
What I wrote for Surfrider Foundation so many years ago,

(01:10:36):
do a good turn today for their first advertisement and advertising campaign was a

(01:10:41):
picture of me doing a bottom turn.

(01:10:44):
And the 12 lines I wrote of the surface code and the books that I've written

(01:10:51):
They're all about purpose.

(01:10:54):
So,

(01:10:56):
you know,

(01:10:56):
just to wrap it up,

(01:10:57):
for anyone that's listening that's had a loss,

(01:11:01):
connect to your faith,

(01:11:03):
connect to your family,

(01:11:06):
connect with your friends.

(01:11:10):
Find something that is really, that's going to give you gratification and also joy.

(01:11:20):
Use mental health professionals.

(01:11:26):
Speak to a psychologist.

(01:11:28):
Speak to a psychiatrist.

(01:11:30):
Speak to a grief counselor.

(01:11:32):
Speak to a healer.

(01:11:34):
When you lose, you realize you can't do it on your own.

(01:11:39):
When you experience loss, you cannot do it on your own.

(01:11:42):
So like I say, this is how much things change for me because when I was a competitor, it was just me.

(01:11:51):
And when I had a loss, I just handled it.

(01:11:55):
But when you have a true loss, that's when you need help.

(01:12:02):
As Sean's words settle, we're left with a deep sense of the human spirit's resilience.

(01:12:08):
From Mark's mission to support those left behind,

(01:12:11):
to Cassia's journey of self-redefinition,

(01:12:14):
Beric's battle with addiction,

(01:12:17):
and Sean's triumph over inconceivable loss,

(01:12:20):
each story speaks to the strength that lies within us all.

(01:12:25):
What we heard aren't tales of survival, but blueprints for living.

(01:12:29):
They remind us that our minds can be both our greatest challenge and our most powerful ally.

(01:12:37):
In their stories,

(01:12:38):
we see the reflections of our own struggles and our own potential for growth and healing.

(01:12:44):
Cassie has said it well, mental health is a journey.

(01:12:48):
It takes us to the depths of our souls and the heights of our potential.

(01:12:53):
It's a path that can be lonely and terrifying, but as we've learned, it's not one we have to walk alone.

(01:13:00):
As we wrap up this chapter of Duct Tape Theory, we're already looking ahead.

(01:13:05):
Where will our next adventure take us?

(01:13:07):
We're not sure yet, but one thing is certain, it will be guided by the lessons we've learned here.

(01:13:14):
Our direction is set.

(01:13:16):
We are driven by the urge to wander, compassion, and a belief that every story matters.

(01:13:23):
Because at the end of the day, this isn't just their story.

(01:13:26):
It's all of ours, too.

(01:13:30):
Until next time, I'm Sonny Fassler, and you're listening to Duct Tape Theory.