KaitlynCast - Episode 001 - First Things First.

Hello, welcome to KaitlynCast.
My name is Kaitlyn Burdge.

I am 20 years old.
I was born and raised in Plainview, Texas.
After my high school graduation, I moved to Lubbock, Texas and I like it a lot.

My hobbies are writing, drawing, coloring, and singing.
I like to write in a journal because it kind of helps me get through a hard day.
I write in a journal like almost every day.
I write about my memories of my Mama, my memories of Gram, Miss Schue.

Miss Schue was my favorite teacher.
I think I liked her just a little bit too much!
I do miss her though.

I like to draw anything from Cookie Monster, SpongeBob, Music Notes, just anything I could think of in my mind.

I love to sing. 
I was in the school choir in eighth grade freshman, sophomore, and senior year.
I could not be in choir Junior year because of a life skills class I had to have.
And Miss Schue tried to get me into choir because she knows how much I really enjoy it.
But because of two classes I had to have, she couldn't take me out any of them.
I did go see her here and there at lunchtime. I did go visit with her, so...

My greatest - so my greatest accomplishment is when I sang a solo when I was a senior in high school.
I sang “Sweet Little Boy Jesus” by John Jacob Niles.
I practiced as much as I could and I got vocal coaching as much as possible, like almost every week.
I said, “Klotzmann (sp?), can I give up?”
“No, don't give up!”
I kept practicing. It was hard but I kept practicing.
Like Miss Schue was confident.
And the day came. I was freaking out.
Also I heard the Judge was kind of hard on singers and I got scared.
So, Klotzmann introduced me to the judge.
I fell a little bit better but I was – I was still freaked out.
Miss Schue said to me, “Calm down. It's gonna be okay!”
And I calmed down but still nervous. 
I practiced in the auditorium.
I practiced in the practice room that they set up.
And then my time came and I didn't know what to do. 
I looked at Miss Schue and she was saying something.
I was like “What do I do?”
She said “Introduce yourself!”
I said “What?”
She said “Introduce yourself!”
I went “Now?”
She went “Yes!”
And I introduced myself and told him the song I'd be singing.
Then I sang the song.
Then I went out the door like I was supposed to, and waited for my score.
And then I came out, and Klotzmann said “Did she throw stuff at you?”
I said “No!”
(He was saying that for, like, a joke!)
And then I received a Two.
A Two is a really good score you can get when you sing a solo.

Then that Monday I came to class.
And Miss Schue was standing in front of a chair.
She said “Kaitlin, I'm so proud of you.” 
“You made a Two and you made it through all four verses!”
Man, she was so proud of me.
I was especially proud of myself.
And I'm in the church choir at my local church.
And I just enjoy being in the choir.

My favorite things is Cookie Monster, SpongeBob, 80s music.
My favorite food is pizza and I'm a Coke drinker.
When I was in high school, Angie, she was a Lunch Lady at my local high school in Plainview. 
She called me Pizza Girl. They all did. 
I always ate pizza, like every day at school.
The pizza is really good and I love Coke a whole lot.

I loved Cookie Monster since I was 18.
I love how he eats the cookie.
Like, we all know how he eats the cookie! It's really hilarious.
I've been obsessed with SpongeBob since I was a little kid. 
And, like, I just like SpongeBob!

Okay, so Hunter and Cason are my little brother and sister.
My happiest moments are when I play with my little brother and sister.
Before I moved to Lubbock, we used to play Lava Monster, Hide and Seek and Cookie Monster. We also used our imaginations.
Whenever we were going to Kansas, we had to stop somewhere before we went out of state, and Hunter and Cason, they started singing “It’s Raining Miss Schue.”
It goes like this…
(I'm so sorry Miss Schue. This is not my idea. They were the ones that made it up!) 
It goes, “It's raining Miss Schue, from out of the sky. Miss Schue, yum, yum, yum! Yum, yum, yum! Yum, yum, yum!” That's it.
And I said, “If it was raining Miss Schue I'd be running for my life because I wouldn't know which one’s the real her!” (laughs)

And we play silly games. 
Silly games like... so we have this hot dog thingy where you pick up hot dogs with. I forgot what it’s called. (tongs?)
We use it as the Cookie Monster.
And we would chase each other in the backyard with it.
That was a lot of fun.
We also played games on my phone, games like Talking Ben the Dog and Talking Tom.
Those are our favorites.
I would do Cason's hair and her nails.
My brother, Hunter, you know what, we just talked.

The reason I like old music, like 80s and 90s and stuff like that, is because it has less curse words, less inappropriate stuff.
Plus today's music does not please God.
It's kind of a bunch of stuff that kids shouldn't be hearing, that they shouldn't know about, you know.

“Why do people choose to love me?”
That’s a question I’ve been asked recently through e-mail.
So people love me because I make them laugh.
And also because I'm sweet and I'm loyal.
Like I'm sweet whenever I have a snack like chips, popcorn, just any snack, I share with my friends. 
And I'm loyal because when staff on my day program tells me to do something, like if Miss Destiny says, “Kaitlyn, can you do me a favor?”
I'll say “Yes.”
She'll go, “Can you go do this or that?” or “go bring me this or that.” 
I do a thumbs up and I say, “Will do!”

I'm always there for my friends.
I always tell my friends, if they need someone to talk to, “I'm here.”

Excuse the page turning, this is my first podcast! (laughs)

Some of my best friends…
A friend I have is Miss Destiny.
Miss Destiny, she, oh my gosh, she teases me so much, which, I don't mind her teasing me.
She calls me her little helper.
Yeah, I'm a little helper.
She's nice and everyone on my day program loves her.

Another friend is Dee.
She also lifts me up.
She encourages me to do what I put my mind to.
I was really close to Dee. 
We were friends until I moved on to the group home that she worked on. 
We start getting a little bit close.

Tish. Tish gives me really good advice.
She lifts me up.
I'm also close with her.
I really like Tish.
She's cool.
If I were to tell Tish, for example, I say, “Hey Tish, I get to go to the movies.” or “I get to go with my little brother or sister somewhere,” she goes “Cool!”
I'll show her my shirt or something new like that, she'd go “Cute!”

My best, my closest friend is Krista.
She - she's always there for me when I need someone to talk to.
She lifts me up.
She teaches me things I'm not aware of.
Like, I look up to Krista as a mother, you know.
Sometimes I do wish she could be my mother, but I just know that she's my friend.
She'll always probably always be a mother to me.
She's like a really sweet person.

In the past, when I was angry, I was screaming, I would cry, I would throw myself at the wall. 
I would not be aggressive, but I'll throw myself at the wall and stuff like that.
And now that I'm an adult now, I don't do that no more.
Instead, if I'm angry, I talk to Krista, you know. 
Or if I'm at Dayhab, I can't have access to my phone, I talk to a staff member, you know.
My go-to staff members are Dee and Tish.

How I came to know Jesus… 
I went to church my whole life, but I did not know Jesus.
After I turned 20, I turned away from my sin in repentance.
Being a Christian helped control my anger. 
And it’s also helped me because I could not save myself. 
I needed Jesus to help me. He gladly helped me.
The hardest moment in my life - this is probably the most hardest moment in my life 
- is when I lost my mama when I was 17 years old.

So I'm gonna tell you a little bit of details of what happened.
So it was a Sunday morning.
I barely woke up. I went to go to mom's room to see if she was in there. Just maybe, maybe talk to her.
She was not in there, and a family friend, his name is John, John Walker, I asked him “Where is mom?” 
He said “She's at the hospital.” 
I was like, “What?!”
So I texted Mom, (I was getting ready for church), I said “Hi mom.”
She didn’t respond. 
So I figured, “Well, she was sleeping,” because mom did sleep a lot.
So I figured “She’s probably getting treatment or something like that.”
I texted mom, “Are you okay?”
No answer.
Then as I was walking to church I called and called Mom.
No answers.
I was like, “She’ll probably call me later.”
No call.
Then I called her again while the choir was practicing - I was watching them practice.

And then after church, Ms. Schue took me home.
She didn't want me walking home alone.
I was like a few blocks away from the church. Really not far distance, but kind of far distance to the church, so…
I told her my Mom was in the hospital.
Then she told me “I hope she gets better.”

So I was chilling on my laptop, I got through eating my lunch.
My uncle Amos, he comes in the room and says my mom will be in the hospital all day.
I said, “Okay” and went back to what I was doing.

I got a phone call that mom had died.
When that came in, we rushed to the hospital.
We sped to the hospital.
Passed by two police officers and none of them pulled us over.

As we were calming down in the changing room, because we were shocked, we couldn’t believe what was happening, I pulled out my phone.
I pulled up the (???), the school communication app.
And I texted Miss Schue and told her what happened.
And she said, “Kaitlyn, I’m so sorry. It's too sudden.”

But then I just wish that I would have… 
- if I would have asked Miss Schue to take me to the hospital, then I would have been traumatized for the rest of my life because they were doing CPR on her. 
So I'm glad she didn’t – I didn’t ask her to take me to the hospital and (at the same time) I'm not glad.
But it was hard to adjust.
And it was really, really hard on me learning that my mother, my Mama, passed away.

And another moment…
Now we be prepared for this one!
This one's going to be outrageous.
- The day, the day I learned that my Meemaw didn’t want me.

I was unsafe at her house.
Like her son, my uncle, he would buy drugs.
He would wait until I was asleep to do them.
And he would, he would call me me names, stuff like that.
He would hurt me sometimes. He would hit me or whatever.

Then one day Meemaw said - told the protective services - right in front of me,
“Why don't you just take her?”

What kind of grandmother?
Okay.
What kind of grandmother?
What kind of grandmother tells the social worker to take their grandchild?
I don't understand that!

But like, I still talk to her to this day.
And I don't know if I should talk to her or not.
She used to call me a B word, like the, the female dog word.
And sometimes whenever I was doing something, she said “Stupid!”
I can never talk to her about my problems, and sometimes she would blame me.
The only people I could talk to was Mr. Fitzgerald, Miss Schue, or my friend Angela.

So my life is better today because I can make my own decisions without the control of my grandma, my Meemaw.
I get to try new things despite my trauma.
I can live a better life.

If I could give any advice to anybody, the advice I would give anybody who's going through difficulties, stuff like that…
I would, I would say “You're not alone.”
I faced difficult things since I was 17. 
God's always with you.

The ways I failed in I'm my past…
So once, when I was angry enough, I used curse words.
I used curse words a lot when I turned 19. 
And well, Miss Shoe, she's the first one that told me not to use curse words.
But I listened to her, but I couldn't help myself. 
I needed to mature more.
My brain needed time - needed more maturity.

Then I met Krista, and she told me not to be saying curse words.
She taught me how to control it.

Sometimes I would call people names if they made me – if they hurt my feelings.
And Krista also told me not to be doing that.

And Miss Schue, if you're listening, I miss you so much.
I love you, like… 
And I'm doing well.
I just want you to know that I'm safe.
And nowadays, I don't use curse words no more.
And life is great.

Last but not least, I'm working on a - on a memoir.
It's probably going to take a couple of years.
But I encourage ya’ll to read it because all the details of what I went through is in there.

Thank you for listening to Episode One of the KaitlynCast!

Come back soon with Episode Two!

Byyeee!