Episode 3 - Frustration:The Emotional Stubbed Toe of Life

In this insightful conversation, the hosts explore the journey from frustration to fascination, delving into how we can manage our emotional highs and lows. They discuss practical tools for coping with pain and frustration, emphasizing laughter as a key mechanism.

Okay, Kim. So frustration to fascination. We all wanna be in fascination because it seems like it's way more fun, but Oh, I wanna use some swear words, but I what do we do when we're in frustration. About Chill. That's a really hard 10I know.

The thing is is that I think the ultimate goal and you tell me where your take on this is is that we're not asking people to to not be frustrated. Who hoping that over time and with practice. We can kinda, I guess, maybe narrow the swing between... Oh, I'm so happy hair fascination. Oh, I'm so depressed over here and frustration are so, you know, where we have where we, like, flow through them, but the highs and lows aren't so high in low or extreme.

And except in the cases when they need to be. Then right now, I think we're kind of emotionally addicted to the swings in the extremes. K. So Well, 1 tool, and this is what I get from, collective energy. So your energies are pinging off of this, guiding this.

Is laughter and this is kind of I think it's funny. Because what I'm getting is that when you're frustrated with something. So I'll use the example we're talking earlier, and I had some back pain this last weekend. And I am being reminded of the laughter that I put in there I wasn't trying to laugh, but this is a coping mechanism that I learned as a child as Sarcasm. So growing up, It's, like, my family, whomever in the family, they would do something, and then it would actually be kinda mean.

And then they would laugh. K? So that was a behavior that I learned that you can use sarcasm, to almost deflect the problem. So this is... We can use the same ideas same concept when we're in pain.

So if all sudden do you have, you know, you stub your toe, and you're just, like, wanting to say all those words, and you're holding back on saying the the naughty words as some people call them. They're really not worried. They're they're not naughty. They're form of expression. That is all.

So you start toe. You're just like, oh, what I need you to do is stop initially as and say, okay. I feel the pain. You could say this in your head, and you need to just take a deep breath because when you hold your breath, you're gonna hold onto to that emotion that is created it in that exact moment instead of just being in the pain, the physical pain. Now when you say hold on to it, I'm gonna go to the You're gonna store it somewhere in your body, and we're gonna say, start it in your left shoulder.

Yep. No reason. No rhyme. No nothing. No needing to know left right of body, bubba.

Just something happens real fast, and we take it and we start it somewhere in our body. Yep. Left shoulder. And then 10 years from now, your left shoulder hurts and no 1 knows. Why and you can't find a solution for it it turns out it was 10 years ago that you come your toll.

Stuff still un distorted it in your body. Yep. This is a stuff that was we need to change. We need to rewrite that pattern immediately. So you don't realize that just stub your toe, actually, you are pinging off of everything else that is happening in that area in that exact moment.

So it's not just you you stub your toe against you know, I don't even know. Like a table. Let's just put it that way Stub it toe table. But in that moment, what else was going around in that... Field.

So was somebody having a conversation over there, were they actually happy about something they're excited was were you alone in the house were you smelling something specific. All these little tiny details? Your energy is actually feeling everything. That's around you in that moment, which can be a little overwhelming. Yes.

When you could be eating a carrot at the time and your body experiences that pain. Your body is going to remember that carrot that taste to flavor, the smell everything of that carrot in that exact moment that you had the physical pain. So this is a crazy thing that our bodies are actually fascinating that they can do all this stuff. This is where I I say the fascination because you're really like, how did it just create all of this stored stuff that we can just stuff and bury body just by stepping toe. Like, it was a physical thing that happened, like, what the heck?

This happens all the time. So what to rewrite the story is in that exact moment when you stub your toe, yes, it's... You might wanna say those words. You'd be like, oh, I need to just stop and take a deep breath because that's gonna help the of these emotions that are coming in and that you wanna stuff and you wanna bury, of all the things that are picking up all around you that you're pinging off of I new 1 to stop and like, breathe and, like, blow it out that's... I keep feeling my trust getting, like, big, and then I wanna just blow it out, and you can blow it out very hard.

You can blow it very gentle. They said the first 1 doesn't matter. It's literally blow it out. I like that. It just blow out.

Whether you have to go fast, it go slow. It doesn't matter the initial 1 k? After that, they said you want to go slower. So your next deep breath in should be slower in and slow... Hold it for a couple seconds and then blow it out slower.

Where you get to the a point of, like, 4 seconds in for, breathing in 4 seconds holding it for 4 seconds and exhale at least 4 seconds. It said that's what you want to do. So in that moment, you're now actually taking charge of the pain, and you're not letting the pain actually creep in, but you're acknowledging the pain and you understand it. But then you're also with this breath work you're changing it from storing it to just experiencing it, just being in the moment. Be like, yes.

I feel the pain. Thank you for allowing me to feel the pain, and then you breathe. It actually diminishes any sort of emotional other energies that was going around in that room or that you were even thinking of at that moment, it diminishing that diminishes it, so you don't store it so 10 years later, you're not gonna be, like, why is my toe still hurting. So or why does my left shoulder oddly hurt 10 later. Yeah.

Yep. So when you take that moment and you're acknowledging it, you're not running away from the pain. The pain is real. The pain is... Are you saying frustration is pain.

Yeah. Good question. Frustration is not pain. Frustration is that the learned learned verbiage that you have taken because you have become frustrated with the fact that you can no longer control pain based off of what we've been taught. And it's the frustration of the store motions that you're dealing with.

And so maybe, like, also frustration and not being able to... Maybe it's not even pain. Right. So the the toe thing is pain. Correct.

But then when we're just, like, say, doing daily work. Yes. And something happens and things aren't flowing. Right? We're not necessarily experiencing pain, but frustration starts to tick up.

Yes. It's like that we're do there's discomfort. Yep. Yep. And any sort of...

It's the same thing with... When you mentioned the word discomfort, I get pulled into all these, Like, you're driving down the road, and somebody cuts you off or somebody's driving... 40 in a 55. And that sometimes people like, oh my god. It's so painful just driving 40 in a 55, and then you get frustrated.

K? So Yeah. The concept of pain and frustration had been changed over time. Yeah. The frustration is that you had an idea.

You had a I wanted to get from point a to point b. K? And it didn't happen in the way you wanted it to happen. Right? There's outside circumstances that I came.

So you have frustrated with that. And over time, you you then learn what isn't that painful that you had to sit and wait for so long. So then you're, like, that is painful. So now you associated with pain, and there's emotional pain, there's physical pain. There's is mental pain, like, all these oh any sort of pain who've now put in the word frustration with it.

But they're 2 different. Thanks. Completely too different information. That while. Because I do believe that frustration actually filters through in a lot of ways as a pain experience.

Yeah. And, yeah, here's you and I going. Frustration to fascination, people are like, what? No. That the fascination is is how fast we take that physical pain, and we put it into a frustration, and we lock it in.

That's the fascinating you need per leg. How the heck did we just do that without. Yes. Yeah. And that's your nervous.

I'm going into that, Almost like a fight freeze, but almost like, the the signal that it went from your toe, don't saying you stub your toe, and that signal that I went through your whole entire body, your nervous... Your meridian lines, your nerve all the way to your brain, to tell your brain how it needs to respond. So it has this going through all your physical layers? K. So It has to go through your blood.

It has to go Okay. They're... No. Not the blood chem. But they're going through all of the nutrition throughout your whole entire system.

What is feeding your nerve endings? Can't all the. So if there's a lack of nutrition going to those nerve endings, there's is a signal, that gets a little disrupted. K? This is fascinating to me.

It's like, what? Are you kidding me? Like, because I don't... I'm, say lacking a little bit of b vitamins that can alter that nerve signal that's going from that toll all the way to your brain. But it's not telling the brain when it comes out there, it's literally going with the first ping as to the tote.

But along the pathway, there's has been some confusion that happens. That's me it's kind of fascinating in and of itself. But it's also... That's where they said you're getting the frustration. It's not just the pain.

Now you're getting frustrated that all these things, Along the pathways along your nerve endings were disrupted. It wasn't a clear signal that got sent. Right? Things are so fast. So also many things are kinda convoluted.

So it's not this clear message of... Right stub toe pain. Right. From the toe to the brain, and the brain is, like, peacefully going, oh okay. There's pain there.

It's like, between the oh okay. There's panda. There was all sorts of, like, yes. Yes. I don't know how it's to say.

This is, like, confusion. It's like static. It's like, it's frustrating. Yep. It's very frustrating and because along the way, you're also...

Connecting with all these emotions that are also stored in the body. Forward. So all of those are in your your digestive tract and your your liver, your heart, your lungs, you're, like, wearing in your entire body. Like, it's pinging off of all them too and going around to brain, okay. So it keeps coming to me in in free course that we offer, we have a lesson that talks about being responsible for 16 points 6 7 percent, which is 1 6.

Yes. And it's like... Here's what I'll throw out. It's like where convinced yourselves that were a hundred percent responsible, and since I pinned my toe, stub in my toe, I should say, And I stub my toe and somehow, I have this program running in me going. I have to be a hundred percent responsible for everything that's going on from my toe to my brain.

Right. And we... We're not conscious of this we're not thinking this through, but we're trying to, like, control it and hold on to it and it's not it. And it's like, you know what? It's enough.

To say what we know. Even if what we know is that we're frustrated. Yep. And I think we're we're getting, like, habit eventually, we try and get... Too far involved in these experiences.

So frustration starts to bubble up. And instead of us just going, either pain and or frustration or the 2 together. Because this start to bubble up and it's, like, something automatically kicks in when we're trying to, like, figure it out, sort it out. Fix it. Solve it.

Because and we can, and then that starts also paying off of more emotional stored stuff, and then it becomes quite honestly, it comes a shit shut real fat, test. It does. So your stub toe has now led into, I can't go here because my cohorts hurts. I can't do this. So then you get more frustrated that you can't do something.

In reality, your stub toe is probably telling you you need to slow down. Toll you need to just take a break. Like, you need to sit. Like, we're trying to protect you, so it's kinda like an odd... An odd thing that can occur, not all the time is that when your body trying to tell you something.

And you are not listening. So that shoulder that's been hurting for so long, and you are not taking time just to breathe with it. You're not taking time to deal with the emotional stored baggage that you threw into that shoulder. K? So now it's like, we're we're gonna we're gonna make you time sit down because you're not gonna do it on your own.

Obviously, my... Your body actually booking for help constantly. Here's the other... Oh okay. So when you ask for help, we've talked about this and a lot of our other talks ask.

All you gotta do is ask. So when you sit there and you ask for advice, you ask for information to be brought to you, and I'll send you stub your toll. You're like, This is not what I freaking asked for. Are you kidding me? Like, I asked for clarity.

They're, like, here's your sign. I'm gonna stab your toe. But is forcing you to get to the root cause, but people want to bury that even more. Like, Well, we just had a live class about this with judgment and judgment in becoming aware of our judgments on things. I think can...

Judgment can imprison us? No And does imprison us? Yep. And being aware of our judgments census us free. And that sounds like ridiculously simple, but it it is.

It does work. Yep. And in a moment of extreme frustration or extreme pain, it is very. Very challenging to drop our judgment. Usually, we have kicked into some really rapid judgments, and we're already storing them.

Like, this where you say you're fascinated, about We're storing things in our body. We're organizing stuff in our thought process. We're making plans for the future of how we're gonna deal with this, like, all this stuff is happening without even without us really even it's so so so so so fast. Yep. But I believe really the catalyst for it is, k.

Walking along, stop my toe. Not at all what I wanted. Right nothing you're saying to give you breath to breath and that there's... It's happened for a reason. Yep.

To slowest down or whatever it might be. But if I judge it, I missed the message. Correct. I go I... It's like, I push my whole experience into a completely different trajectory once I judge it.

So so when you're being, so just being, you're acknowledging it, you're not saying the pain is not real, and you're like you're acknowledging whatever feelings that are coming up with it. And you're... What I... They're going back to taking this deep breath. Once you take 3 d breaths, and you're saying, like, can't, I feel that.

Thank you. You take literally 1 minute. Of your time. That's not all a lot. You got a lot of time left in the world.

So you can honor 1 minute of your time just to be with it and thank it. Thank you for showing me. Thank you for guiding me. You you can say, continue to show me my path. Instead of saying like this is not what I asked for.

The other thing they're going back to the laughter, the laughter. You need to start laughing about it. And like, almost you're... Like, this is pretty funny. Like, yep.

Or whatever this is. Okay. So Absolutely. I think this is really wise information and useful. Yet.

I'm gonna put it into... Framework of something that happened to me recently that I had told you about recently. Right I had a, moment that was so difficult. Okay? And it was, like, I don't know What would you call?

Almost like a meltdown. Yeah. K. Like, stopped my toe, I didn't, but let's stick with it you. Like, I stub my toe and it pinned so many other things in me that they're is physical, mental, emotional, all sorts of stuff going on.

Now to stop in that moment and laugh, breathe and ask posture ends. Yeah. Oh my god. It's gonna make you frustrated. Correct.

Yes I'm saying. Like, and here's what I wanna say is, like, there was nothing wrong with me that in that moment, I couldn't, like, peacefully take a breath. Right? Quite honestly, being aware, of even the challenges was enough to shift me into something else. And being aware that I can't even, like, breathing 3 best, Honestly, kim, I was like so spiraling off in that moment.

I made it through part of a breath, and I got distracted again. And then I tried again. You know, I'm just... I'm pointing this out because I wanna share with people takes practice. Right?

And you're having to see ct me, I'd say what happened is, in that moment, my my my stub toe and my frustration was so fast and so big and so avoidance to feeling. Yeah. Whatever was going on, that I was, like, pretty much in very unconsciously willing to do anything and everything other than to stop and literally be with what was going on in that 1. It And and that's what Fear does. Mh.

But I found it very frightening to be there. Yeah. I found it very oh, my god. Like, yeah. Like, if I would have laughed in that moment, I think I would have felt insane.

But you know what? The laughter would have broke up the energy was Wow. Yep. So... Yep.

And the laughter you start with? Yeah, you don't have to go. No. You start with. And then you do.

And then you're, like. And then you start, like, playing with that. And then you get to the point where right now you're just laughing because you sound stupid. You know. But you're not being stupid.

You're actually just changed the vibration and you're not then holding it on. Right? And see, I think what I was picking up on and laughter is it's... I've seen people laugh. It's a denial.

Yes. It's to go around or over or whatever To not dive into the experience. You're actually saying, get into the experience. Yes. And.

Yeah. So this is where the laughter or what I've been, say, trained to laugh a sarcasm, and you laugh off the tu you walk it off, you know? It's like, okay. Yes. I was trying that, which in reality, that is a very appropriate thing.

When you use it the correct way? Just like everything. Yes. Breath when used correctly. Yeah.

Is powerful. Yep. So all these tools that we've been getting that we can be be viewed as a negative thing. Is actually, your body's trying to get you to see it, but we... Because of society, you put a specific twist on it turn, It's judgments.

Yes. It's trainings. It's that's culture that's family. Yep. There's lots of ways that the happens.

But the thing is is that frustration and pain are pointing pointers for us. Yes. That we're What would you say me out of alignment with our? What we truly want, not what we've been trained or cold or programmed to want in that moment. Yep.

And there are ways thank goodness to learn this programmed without as much intensity of pain or intensity of frustration. Right. But it gets and more intense when we judge it? Yep. Yep.

It's... There are people who have gone through very painful experiences, and I'm gonna go to the extreme of seeing somebody who was literally burned. K. That is probably the most painful physical experience that you anybody can actually go through. And they acknowledge the pain.

They do. They don't deny it. You know, there's pain medications for that specific reason k. Right. But then when you talk with some of these ones, the ones who carry the emotional burden of it or there's a judgment, associated with that burning that experience.

Their pain is dramatically worst than the other person who was just like, yep. That was A physical thing that happened and guess what I am... I'm gonna take this pain, and I'm gonna learn from this. I'm gonna be like, okay. Touch the hot stove again.

You don't. Right. They they mentally, they were able to get into a spot where they're like, okay. I'm here and I'm present. And this is where I'm at right now, and their pain is dramatically decreased.

Mh. Still there, but they are in control of it, not it controlling them. Mh. It takes a lot of work to get to that point mentally, but when your body has Oh, here's the other thing. You have take a lot of worse it take a lot of practice.

Practice It takes a lot of practice. And you have to realize... Everything that you need in that moment is going to be in that safe, please. Even though you may not view it as safe, everything it is there for a reason that experience happened that tub happened in that tub Still stoked toe. Yeah.

There we go. You said it earlier That happened? I'm much goodness. You know, the bathroom I was like... I love it.

In that moment, everything that's in that. Space is exactly what you need. Right? So on which is a is a beautiful concept and a very difficult 1 to embrace when you're in pain or frustration or having an experience that say is the exact opposite of what you were planning. Like you said, dropping.

I'm gonna have this drive. I'm gonna run across town real quick. They get to the post office. And it should take 4 minutes. And I can kinda I can get my tape there that they're gonna have.

You are ready. And it turns out to be 40 minutes and all this stuff is frustrating. Right? And there's just... Yeah.

It's it's so... It really is fascinating. How much information Right and when you... And you almost like go of the judgment that happened. When you let go of, the judgment, it's not frustrating really.

It's fascinating when you let go the judgments while there's still might be pain, like you said the pain goes on a scale of 1 to a hundred, it can drop very quickly from in 85, of to a 12, yep, by removing that judgment and incredibly powerful. When you think of So when you're holding your breath. So you're trying to get through town and you're start getting, like, frustrated. Mh. And you're getting angry.

And your shoulders actually start getting more tense. Mh. And you start... They're start pulling up because the muscles start getting tense because you are not breathing into into those muscles so they can relax. K?

So as you're getting in there and also, by the time you get out of there, you get home, your shoulders have been so tight intense up from just that tiny experience, I'm just going across town to the post office, took you a lot longer. K, that was just 1 experience. In your 24 hour a day. Right? You do that all day long.

Yeah. Case. So that trip to the post office that the expectation was in mind was that it's gonna be easy, Turned out to be very frustrating, even painful. Like you said 1 of those in a day, then you take that times a day. Yep times a week, times, months, years, decades.

Restoring the stuff in your body? And then... And then people wanna know why do Not feel good? Why don't Feel good? Exactly.

And I call. 1 of the things I call the the shoe principle, and what we did is when, you know, our little kids, we learn how to tie a shoe. And it's quite a process to learn how to tie a shoe. Yeah. Until we get it.

And once we get it, we store it in our subconscious so that we don't have to revisit step by step by step again. Yeah we do the Shoe lease principle with these frustrating and painful moments. Yep. We don't... We we store them.

We store them. We store them, but we weren't... Really supposed to store the frustration and the pain. No. We were supposed to store the information, the helpful information.

Really I e, how to tie a shoe. Yeah. Without having to relearn all of the steps over and over and over again. And instead, we've stored the emotions and the discomfort or the pain, or the... When I stub my toe, you know, whatever.

I was having to say, a disagreement with my husband at the time when I stub my toe, which was my feedback to slow down. Yep. And instead, I started in my body, for example, that I'm am resent of him. See what you may be doing. Yeah.

And then, you know, 3 weeks later that comes out in some... Argument or fight or something along those lines. It's just fascinating to me, though that we take that Shi lace principal that was supposed to really be a helpful, and we literally self harm from it instead. Yep. And no 1 made you feel any of those emotions?

No. And we can self... Heal, yep, all of those. We just need to engage certain tools and practice them so that those tools become more prevalent than storing or than dredging or storing. Yep.

And the the the more you practice them the fast they come. They become your subconscious and it just is. Right. You don't even have to think about anymore. Just like, happens in nearly, whoa, I just had this...

I just, you know, stub my toe again and, you, the pain there, but I'm not reacting. I'm not frustrated with this? It's just like, okay. What do I need to fix me too? Okay.

Knees bend. Oh, throw some sandwich on it. Whatever. Like, I'm good. So feeling, true feeling, real feeling.

K? To me, it's such a convoluted word there's so much confusion on it. I think it's like tying shoe. Yeah. I like that analogy.

Feeling true feeling is like tying a shoe Yep. Once you know how to do it, once you have it laid out, it's it's like so useful. And simple and powerful for the rest of your life. Yep. And it doesn't it doesn't control you.

You are in control of it. And that's helpful. Yes. It's very helpful to tie shoe. I mean, I know how many people tie shoe anymore anymore, but you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Hi. Oh, that that can open up a whole that can work. But... Exactly.

It's something that you... You know how to do it. I mean, you can put that into any aspect of, like, put it on a shirt. You know. Right.

People wear glasses. It's like, yes. We learn all sorts most of us learn all sorts of skills all throughout life. Yeah. Some of them are helpful phones, some of them aren't.

And as far as... So why can't we do that the same with? This, like pain the frustration the emotions. Like. You learn how to do this.

Like, and it's easy to throw on shirt now. And initially, you're just, like, how to word my arms go, like, the that you want this over my head like, too also now it's just a no brainer. Yeah. Here's the thing. Okay.

I was at a park the other day. And there's a little girl. I... Hold was she, I'm gonna guess. She's 677...

Probably 778. Okay? And she was trying something. She's just packed of energy. Okay?

And she's trying something, that she wants to do. She's... Someone had a skateboard order something. And. All the adults that were involved in what she wanted to do, and she got very, very frustrated.

Because she wasn't able to do her creative Learning process. They had their reasons, which I understand And I was watching this little girl. I was watching her closely. I just was waiting for someone and she was there and she kept coming into my view, you know? And also I saw her.

She just got so frustrated. Like, can it caught my attention because her energy was really powerful, like, the 7 year old girl is deserves sort frustrating. And what was interesting to me? Is her dad did not address at all, frustration. Good with her.

Not at all. You know, but he stayed with her. And just saw her, she did her thing and the frustration went through her and dis, painted really fast and all since she just came back and yes. She was herself herself again. Yep.

You know, she hasn't painted picked up the skill yet, the non helpful skill. Right. Of taking frustration like that storing it, Yep and then having it show up later on in life. Yes. It was really talk about fascinating because I watched her shift very fast.

It wasn't like, she was trying. It wasn't nothing. Quite honestly, Unlike tying a shoe, which we have to be trained to. Yeah. I believe with, like, frustration, we have innate the skill to have it.

Flow and move through us. Yeah. And then we train ourselves out of it. Yes. So it's very different actually, ridley because we we don't come into this world mister necessarily having 2 skills, science skills.

And I want to applaud that dad. Holy crap for not getting into her frustration, which a lot of us do. That world. Yeah. Because he didn't react to her.

He did nothing. He literally. I like, how her face. She frustrated and then it dissipate disappointed. Yeah.

And then they, like, grabbed hands and went off and did the next thing that they... Whatever it was that they were doing it wasn't really very for. Wow. Mh. See that's how it's supposed to be in this world.

Yeah. And that was to the the experience I referenced earlier that was so difficult for me was, like, the day before, and then the next day I saw that. Yeah. And that's that that's message. When you ask, right, ask, and then to compare those 2 and go, wow.

I wanna move frustration. Like that little girl did. Yep. That's, like, real wisdom, cool deep wisdom. Whatever.

It really was though, isn't that? Just being It is. Yep. Being but letting it move. Correct.

I think you're be being stuck in it and keeping yourself frustrated it's more like, okay. I'm frustrated in the moment because it didn't go in the way that I had intended it to go. And so it didn't go the way she wanted it to go. Right? So she could have stayed in that frustration, and she could continued to fall over and blah blah blah.

And then get frustrated and, like, almost saying I'm gonna pick on the skateboard and throw it down and say, I'm done. I'm not doing this no more. And then over time, she creates the story in her past and, I couldn't do skateboarding. Like, it was just not good for me. She created a story based off frustration.

Or here now she can create a different story. Based off like, yeah. I was frustrated in the moment. She Yeah. But I move forward.

But. I I change I had to change my perception. I had to change what I was doing because when I was doing, my body is trying to tell me that doesn't work that way. Right, for you, it doesn't work in that way. Now here's the thing, Kim.

Her dad didn't judge. Or agree with her feelings. He just held space for it. Right? Yep.

If he would have judged it like you said? Yep. And kids frustrated Frustrated. It just gets so, like big. Yep.

Or what if he would say, like, hey, you what? Maybe you need to do it this way. Maybe you need to do that way. Now also so now his... Ideas his creativity, his perception of how she should do it, Starts playing on on her, and it may not work at all for her.

Right? She can stay in that state of frustration and be like, my dad told me to do it this way. My dad said this. And this is where now she doesn't realize at this time, but at that moment, if that were to happen, Yeah. Say Dad, were to judge her.

Right. Or push his beliefs on how she should skateboard. K? And then it doesn't work. She's going to blame him.

This is what we've been taught to in societies to blame him. Yeah. On her continued failure. Yeah. And quite honestly, you know, it's my complete outsider observing something that I wasn't even trying to observe and then just kept, like, showing up in my perception.

My vision that day was that her process... The girl's process with the skateboard. Was very creative. She learned from it. She didn't succeed in that moment, but she learned.

Yeah. But before, you know, she doesn't have those. Skills? So she hit frustration. Yeah.

Dad held the space, frustration went away. And the next time that girl has the opportunity to do something with a skateboard. She has Yep. More knowledge, more data, more information. This is what creates empowerment.

Mh. On earth. So just imagine if we had how many parents like him who... You know that he wasn't... He just did not.

Know how to do that. That's a learned behavior that he has seen throughout his lifetime. Right. So he's doing the same thing for his child. Right.

And So I mean, imagine how many parents if they started that with childhood, Right, we can literally change the world. Just by that. That can also sell simple. Right? So simple.

So we could also, I would say, take that idea and self parent ourselves. Yeah. Into these skills to just kinda... Should if I go back to that very difficult experience that I was having. Yep.

This you talked about our minds too. Right? It's be able to self parent, self talk. Which is what self parenting in a way. Right?

Yep. He's a self talk to talk yourself through that. You're not judging, experience. Right. Being with it, holding space, like we said.

Yeah. I think part of why that experience got so so challenging for me is because there was resistance to it, which is judgment, stopping it. I don't want this. I don't like this. And the more I did that.

The bigger is that. Yep. So, like, if the dad would have done that to the little girl. Like you said, she probably would have had a meltdown down, Yep. And kinda, you know, even on to the point of tantrum.

Which is... In a way, what I did. Yep. I started. I had this experience.

I judged it. I said it has to go a certain way. I tried to control it or make it be something out of... Programming this all happen so very fast, but just, you know, that all of the. Yep.

You're real funny. So. This is really happening. You and which is a bit of a confusing. It confuses you in the data.

She could've have done that to the little girl and not to control her anything but to confuse her a little bit to get her out of if she was starting to say judge herself as starting to, like, trap herself. So Yeah. Oh, that's fascinating stuff, Kim. Yep. And when you're doing that, you're also using your lung.

Also. Lung store grief sorrow loss. So anytime there's a change doesn't matter how small a little, anything like that something changes in your life. We go through the grieving process just like that. So you can get stuck in the grieving process or you can allow it.

Till flow, which is through breath work. K. So now we're talking about moving emotions. Yeah. That correct?

The frustration piece. Yeah. Yep. So if you don't take a deep breath when you're frustrated, that emotion frustration could stay stuck within you. Right?

But yes. Yeah. I just bring that up because again, I was so confused for so many years because people be feelings emotions. Like yeah. And, I mean, honestly, I studied it for years to...

Like, what's the difference? It depends upon whose framework you're looking at it through because it... Just... They get mixed. They get shipped, You know?

They do. But anyway, the point is Yeah. Is... It it it it keeping it fascinating, keeping it light, letting it move, allowing it to continually move, whether it's a feeling or an emotional cult what you want. Right.

Be with it, Observe it, Give space to it. Yep. Identify if you can, if you can't identify grief in that moment, you can just say don't like this. Correct. Yep.

Yep. There was a... Had a girl in here recently, teenage girl. She feels everything around people. This kinda goes long.

Along these lines of being frustrated because she goes to school or should go to restaurant anywhere there's a large crowd, and I'm guessing a lot of you listening to this are going to relate to this. She'll go in and she'll also just feel everybody's stuff, or she'll be overwhelmed. She said, that it feels like a black cloud kinda comes over her, and she gets, like, pulled in. And what she was showing me is it's almost like she looks like she goes into the fetal position. When you do that, you're trying to pull into safety security mechanism, but she's also claiming in closing off her lungs, so she can't actually take a deep breath in that moment either.

So you're, like, how do you do that when you have this big cloud coming over you right away, and it's so intense where you don't even have a moment. Your initial responses is to literally cloud in, like, a... Yeah. Fetal position, you're pulling your your chest cavity in, and you're protecting yourself. I was like, wow.

Like, very quick. Yeah. So you don't... You're not even thinking like, oh, brain. I need to stop.

Note. She went right into fight flight priest. Like, I need to go into safety mechanism. So what came up for her, and this is not everybody. But it's more like...

She didn't have to feel more. K? Her job was just to say, I acknowledge the feeling, I don't need to feel more. I acknowledge it's here. I acknowledge that there's us us feeling that I'm recognizing.

Oh, they're changing the word on this. So you talk about feelings and emotions. Mh, okay. So they're they're going. I recognize the emotions.

That are here. So the emotions are coming at her how she creates her own feelings interesting. Okay. So as she's in that moment, she's recognizing it, and she can't take a breath because she's still pulled in. So all she had to do was thank it.

Thank you for showing themselves. Thank you. Because what she is doing and I I know a lot I... A lot of you listening is you are a person that's meant to help other people. You're a person that's meant to say, almost like being angel.

I'm gonna call it that way. And, maybe that person is just having a really bad day. Maybe they are the person in the feeling so frustrated. In life that they just spent 40 minutes trying to get to the post office, and they're and they're in they're in that part where they're, like, my life sucks. K.

Your person who gets to just... You recognize it, and I need you to just stop and say, thank you for allowing me to recognize that. How can I support that person today? How can I do that? So this is where you have to get in your head, and you start asking quite instead of being that person like, I'm gonna laugh because you can't laugh in that moment.

You can't take a breath on that moment. But what you can do is you can still ask and be like, how can I support that person? And I... Exactly. So there are, you know, different circumstances though Yes.

Different tools that would be needed. Yep. And although, I will say, I believe 1 of a, like, an early skill. It's probably a useful on just about any circumstance, but it'll even do a little self talk when something starts coming up to start saying I'm safe. Yep.

Yep. Because otherwise, we kick into that inability to breathe, like, like you said in that yep shoulders forward and that it's trigger trauma, It could all sorts of things. But you... Again, that self parenting just self talk. Yep Yep.

If they know, if you know that you're gonna be walking into a place where there's a potential where you could feel other people. You're not in your safe zone as your home and your room or wherever right at zone, maybe? Yes. If also, you're you're going into a restaurant, and you know that there is... You're this has happened for.

You gotta reread the story instantly. Yeah. I think you're saying. So before you even walk in, saying, I am safe. I am protected.

I am guided. I am those I am statements. Yes. I think there's also now that we... Diving into this.

I think there's also even possibly a step before. I'm safe. Yeah. Which is before I say you go into the restaurant like you said. To ask for things to slow down.

Yes. So that it's at a pace that I can handle. Yep. And you're not asking other people, you're literally, like, you know, in your own, slow bubble. Yep.

Own bubble, slow down. Is safe in here at at this pace for me. Okay. Yep. You know?

And so if I'm were in a car, you and I were going to a restaurant, and I did this, and I need a moment. Yep, I might have to say to you Kim Me you in there. Give me a moment. Perfect. We've been trained out of that though.

Right. And I've been trained in the past, I would have literally liked Well, what's wrong? What can I do for you? And, like, almost like, overly stop the boundaries and get into your space and I want to fix it fix it. Right.

Now we... That, like, the dad did this b. Yeah. Just be with that. Okay.

Yep. Now trying to manipulate someone not trying to change it, not trying to fix it. Now there are places where there's need for fix or whatever. Right. But we've gotten so overly into the fixing.

Now Yeah. Yes. We need to balance that out with some... And if a person if you were to say, can't Kim like... I...

You know what? I just need a moment. I need to sit here perfect, and I can ask. Do you need me to stay here or do... Are you okay if I go in?

So I'm not judging you. Right at all. I'm also giving my chance to either... Are I'm okay with either 1. I'm not gonna judge if I have to sit here or if I have to go inside.

K? So there's no way... I'm not attaching any emotions onto this. And I'm just gonna hold space for you. What do you need for your space?

This is what I need for my space. If I were to say, hey, Like. I'm gonna go inside. That's what I need for my space. So I'm gonna honor myself.

Mh. But if you if you were just ask me, cool Kim, can you just please sit here with me? Right? And if it doesn't... If in my mind say, I don't know.

Okay. Oh, this can get... This can go on and on and on because then they're were like, okay. You have the scenario where you have the friends are staying at the door. Like, come on.

We need... With the tables here, the tables here. And then you're just, like, Kim, can you sit with me and I'm torn because I'm like, where do I go? Mh. I wanna please these people over here.

I wanna please you, And then I start getting frustrated within myself because I'm like, what do I believe him? I believe I wanna help people. Okay. What what do I do? So then, honestly, I would be, like, okay.

In my head, I'm gonna stop and I'm gonna take a deep breath in it. Okay. What is the most appropriate here? Mh. That...

Those people over there that are trying to say, let's get in here. Let's get a table. How that's not gonna change how fast we're gonna get served in may. But in reality, time really doesn't exist when it comes to energy. So I'm gonna be, like, yes.

I will sit here. Some people can't do that. Right. I can't make that discernment. Yeah.

I love the word. What's most appropriate? Yes. The word appropriate? What's most appropriate here?

That be a really good 1. What's most? Appropriate here? Like even a on that meltdown moment that I had. Yep.

If I were to asked, what's most appropriate here? You know what Been really interesting. If but I could go back in time. Anybody that's listening to this. Mh.

Okay. Send us, Some of your experiences or incidence, How you want to define them as to times where you felt like you could not get past it. Tell us your experiences. Maybe we can, like, dive into those and maybe it was where you were sitting in in a restaurant with that experience. Mh.

And how how do you get through that? I would love to hear other people's experiences. Yeah. That'd be awesome. And until then, Yeah certain tools.

Yeah. Blending, laughing. Love the laughing. He makes your laugh this week's you laugh. Yep call friend and say I need to laugh right now.

Yeah. It's it... Yeah. And I guess, you know, breathing, breathing, like, you Again, at that day, I remember having a hard time breathing, but you know what I didn't do. This should be very interesting is even just move your shoulders Yeah.

To open. Didn't breathe. Yep. I bet you anything I was going in. Mh.

There's was a protective thing. Yep. Right? Because I didn't what was going on. Something was...

I wasn't conscious about this. Alright. My chest was collapsed. I bet you which is why I couldn't breathe. Yep.

Yep. So roll the shoulders back, if you have to stand against the wall and push your shoulders back into the wall. Sometimes you need to do that. Mh. Yeah.

There's patient with yourself to try different things. That is actually, although on the surface, at the time when I looked at, I felt like I failed coming out of that difficult moment. It didn't fail because I kept trying. Different things. You didn't stay in the same habits.

The power I just didn't want spiral exactly. Those habits would have spiral me down farther and farther and I was, wherever I was was deep enough, and I didn't like that. I shouldn't wanna go any farther. The so I just kept trying different things. Yep.

And now we've just generated even more things that I know that have, like, in my toolbox and next time something happens. Yes. Like, oh, try to ask. Oh, you know, and sometimes you'll recall, sometimes you won't. But you give it a good shot.

1 thing it won't won't be a failure. No. Because you'll have some level of success. You just stay out of judging. Yep.

Because they have you here. Yeah. They're they're gonna give you another 1, another tool. Okay. This 1 is a odd 1.

I don't know if I've heard of this 1 personally. I'm in my personal life. But they're only me covering up 1 of your eyes. No. Like, you cover up 1 of your eyes and start looking, and then you just look around, and then cover up know, cover up the other eye, they said it changes perceptions, viewpoints.

Nice. Even though you have no idea that it's really doing that you're looking at things, exact same thing. But in your mind, it confuses your mind because it's it's changing a different viewpoint, using different nerves. Mh. Interesting Yeah like that.

So something that you you can't change it. You're always gonna... It's gonna look the same, but you can change how your body's perceiving it. Oh your mind. Nice.

Have interesting. Yeah. They're alright. K. Send us your stories.

Thank you. Bye.